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Eren had not realized he was actually an incredibly tactile person until he was given strict orders not to touch anyone. Many times, he had to remind himself that no, he couldn't touch Mike as he sat next to him in the meeting. Or that he couldn't touch Hanji's hand as it swatted too close to his face from across the table, enthusiastically saving his life as they talked about his successful experiments over the years.
But what killed him—absolutely K.O.'d him—was his Captain.
As usual, during their annual meetings with the officials over his capture, Levi sat next to him. But instead of scooting closer, like at dinner or during lectures, Levi remained stationary and alert, face pinching with disgust as the officials argued over Eren's life.
In spite of being twenty now, Eren felt like he was still fifteen and kept at arm's length when it came to public encounters.
He couldn't even count how many times Levi touched him outside of professional settings—a hand on his shoulder as Levi leaned down over him at breakfast to remind him of an experiment, a slap on the back of the head if he messed up (so, constantly), a tug on the chest straps so Levi could pull him closer to better yell at him during training. It had been all so normal, he hadn't even noticed.
So now, unable to touch Levi and vice versa, Eren was whining in his throat. He sat on his hands when he nearly grabbed Levi's thigh as a loud crack sent a very fat official—his chair breaking underneath his weight—tumbling to the floor. Hanji reigned in their cackles, but it was a close call. Mike snorted, but remained politely silent. Levi, typically, said nothing, but his face said everything: boredom, disgust, maybe some cruel amusement.
Eren had to count to fifteen (that was as high as he could go) and backwards, even if that took longer and a great deal of brainpower, to remain neutral and not outright bark in laughter.
The meeting was back in order, a particularly red-faced official sweating now, along with the promise of at least two more hours of 'no touching'.
Skin crawling and itching with the urge to touch and to be touched, Eren watched his Captain's every movement.
Levi leaned back into his chair whenever an official spoke, eyebrows raised in mock interest and probably a great deal of sarcasm. The Captain crossed and uncrossed his legs, toes almost brushing the floor, but not quite. Eren had to fight down the urge to giggle. But then Levi rolled up his sleeves, nodding absently as an official talked about something important, cuffing them near his elbows with neat precision. Suddenly, Eren felt hot.
Ears and cheeks burning, Eren took a deep breath. His chest felt tight, but like he could float. His heart was pounding, almost like he was about to transform, but not quite. All in all, it was confusing and definitely not a good thing.
Beside him, Mike shifted in his seat, glancing down—the monster of a man was still taller than him, five years later—at him with an amused glint in his soft, brown eyes.
Eren shrugged when Hanji kicked his ankle softly, head tilted in question at his sudden tense posture and red face.
Thirty minutes later, the officials called for a break and they dispersed around the large room. Levi exhaled through his nose, a sure sign that he would slice anyone who came too close. Eren felt the itch return in full force as Levi stretched and bonelessly threw an around the back of his own chair, fingers close to Eren's arm, but still so far away.
He turned in his seat, sitting on a thigh, his arm twisted at an angle over the chair.
"What's wrong?" Levi asked.
Eren stiffened, realizing he had been staring at Levi's fingers, practically begging them to touch him, even if it was a rough smack on the head. He'd given anything for it. Knuckles white over his knees now, Eren shook his head.
"I'm fine."
Levi didn't look convinced; lips pressed together, nostrils flared.
"Eren," Levi only ever used his first name in private or when he really, really messed up. Eren braced himself for the wonderful smack over the head. Yet nothing happened. "Eren," He repeated, "Look at me."
Slowly, Eren tried to go for casual, but he probably looked starved.
"What's wrong?" The Captain asked again, voice deep and demanding an answer. The tone implied a strict order.
And ever the solider, Eren straightened and obeyed.
"I'm just... uncomfortable." A half-truth, not exactly what Levi wanted to hear, and Eren knew it and he knew that Levi knew, judging by the slight twitch of an eyebrow. Well, the order hadn’t demanded specifics.
"Uncomfortable," Levi stated, "You're uncomfortable."
"Yes sir." Eren answered and went back to sitting on his fingers, but not before sneaking another look at Levi's wonderful hands.
Said hands clenched and unclenched, fingers moving in a thoughtless pattern as Levi watched him. No doubt itching to smack him (he could dream).
"We'll be back at HQ tomorrow," Levi reminded him, "Bear with it."
"Of course," Eren said, sounding submissive and pathetic in his head, despite coming out smoothly. "Sorry, sir."
He reached for the drink on the table in front of him, deeply proud his hand didn't tremble.
"Don't apologize," Levi huffed and looked across the table to Hanji, who was scratching in design into the wooden table, "Stop that."
"I'm bored." Hanji whined, but removed their hands to their lap.
Jumping, Eren felt Mike brush a shoulder against him as he moved, shifting his ankles to cross and lean forward on the table. The squad leader gave him a knowing look when Eren leaned with him, aching for more touches.
He was going crazy. Yet when Levi moved closer, knees almost touching, but definitely not, Eren felt his chest squeeze and his lungs suddenly felt incredibly empty.
But before Levi could snap at him to answer properly this time, the officials sat down, licking their fingers as they finished off their last pastries. Eren cringed as crumbs fell on their bellies and the table. Levi was probably holding back his ingrained habit to yell at them.
This time, the meeting was turned over to Mike as he relayed his information over Eren's training and habitual behavior. Eren couldn't bring himself to pay attention. Levi was closer now, probably trying to calm him with his mere presence, but if anything, Eren felt even more restless.
Forty more minutes and Eren was sweating. The hair on the back his neck was damp and sticking to his skin, his armpits probably swimming, the back of his knees sore. Underneath his thighs, his hands tingled with loss of circulation (and the distinct lack of Levi, but Eren trampled on that thought the moment it sprang up).
He nearly yipped when Levi shifted, sitting forward now, but his left leg was over his knee, boot out and obtrusive.
Eren stared at the brown sole, imagining the rough feel of leather over his knuckles and under his fingertips, if he touched. But... he had strict orders, from the Commander and his Captain, not to touch. The officials did not like him anyway, but to show anything but submissive subordination towards any of his fellow comrades would be a great upset. Eren was still viewed as a monster, in spite of five long years of excellent behavior and scientific breakthroughs.
The slightest touch or whisper of fabric between his Captain and the squad leader next to him could be interpreted as anything. A threat, displays of rebellion, an assassination attempt.
The outstretched boot was jiggling now, no doubt Levi's impatience with the idiots across the table, but the movement was causing Eren to bite his lip.
The boot was gone suddenly and instead, the right one kicked him in the ankle. Eren nearly smacked the table with his knee.
Levi shot him a short glance, but the order was clear: no biting.
Right. No biting. Big no-no.
Eren forced himself to relax, if not outwardly, and gave the subtlest of nods. It ended up being more of a twitch, but Levi didn't look at him again, so Eren guessed he understood.
Exhaling, Eren slouched, but straightened a moment later. Oh. So that meant Levi had been watching his lips.
Another forty minutes and Eren was close to unconsciousness, cheeks losing their flush. Hanji was back to scratching into the table, ignoring the looks from Levi and the scandalized officials, while Mike rested a cheek in his hand. Levi, like Eren, blinked rapidly to stay awake.
Crossing his arms again, the Captain nodded and clenched his jaw as the officials stated every reason and rule Eren had to follow.
Then Levi shifted, almost so quietly that Eren didn't notice, and the sole of his boot was so close, Eren could touch it.
Moving a few inches in his seat, Eren sighed and finally relaxed, the toe of his own boot touching Levi's. Feeling rather daring and like he was told an important secret, Eren smiled into shoulder.
-
Still, the negotiations and meetings were not finished, so they went to bed in the provided rooms. Hanji shared with Mike while Levi and Eren bunked together, by orders. The officials had not looked appeased until Levi promised he was a light sleeper and Eren would be chained only five feet away from him, should he choose to try and transform.
Eren didn't miss how Levi failed to mention he slept alone back at HQ, no longer chained and in the basement.
When Eren asked, he was quipped with a short, "They didn't ask."
Now settling onto the cot near Levi's actual, feather-stuffed bed, Eren politely kept his eyes down and away from Levi's naked back as he changed.
"You can lock yourself in," Levi reminded him after an awkward moment, "Both hands and feet."
"Right, yes sir." Eren muttered, sleepy, but not quite satisfied with the meager touch during the abhorring, long meeting.
He didn't mean to, but as he reached for his shackles and chains, Eren looked to Levi. The Captain was pulling his shirt over his pale torso, long sleeves tangling for a moment before Levi beat it into submission and succeeded in changing. He pulled off his boots next, unzipped his white uniform pants and stripped. Eren fumbled with the chain as the sight of his huge, strong thighs and quickly busied himself with locking the shackles.
Levi didn't comment, just rolled on black pants and folded his uniform with military precision next to Eren's own. He had learned three years ago how best to fold his clothes without getting his ear pulled by his Captain, yelling at him to do better soldier.
Forgetting the image of thighs and pale skin, Eren drifted to sleep rather quickly, but in the back of his mind, he still thought about how tomorrow, he could finally touch again.
But as if no time had passed at all, he was roughly awakened, a boot kicking the side of his cot.
"Get up, Eren," Levi said, voice still thick with sleep and a sure sign that he hadn't slept well. "We have ten minutes until we're required in the meeting."
Sitting up, Eren yawned and tried to ignore the warm feeling spreading through his chest as Levi snorted at his bed head. The Captain was only now zipping up his uniform pants, inhaling and sucking in before buttoning. Eren felt giddy knowing that Levi's pants were too tight for his big, but hilariously short body.
Clothes smacked him in the face.
"Shut up, Jaeger," Levi rolled his eyes when Eren rubbed his red check where a belt as smacked him, lips pouting. "Get dressed."
"Yes sir," He slurred and made to sit up, but the chains rattled, reminding him of his situation. "Oh, the key, sir?"
The Captain leaned over him, close and warm in the morning chill with the key, but as if they were still in the meeting, Levi did not touch him. The shackles whined open and Eren rolled his wrists and ankles, willing himself not to cry. Maybe Levi too realized how much he touched and was disgusted.
The awkward atmosphere spread once again and Eren changed in the silence. Levi straightened his clothes, smoothing wrinkles and flipping backward belts.
Soon enough, they were back in the meeting.
"Morning," Hanji yawned behind a hand and Levi quickly leaned away, nodding to them and Mike, who looked perfect. Eren wanted to know his secret.
The officials were back, grim in the early morning hours and Eren knew for a fact that this would take longer than yesterday. They didn't look happy with Eren sitting so close to either of his comrades.
Now, Hanji sat beside him, occasionally bumping a knee to his, sending him encouraging smiles whenever Levi argued back for Eren's good status. Eren wanted to smile back, but it would have been too fake and insincere.
"You need to choose," Levi said, patience reaching its limit only ten minutes in, "What is more important to you? Your pride or the potential perquisites?"
Eren shifted, sitting on his hands again and took a moment to remind himself that Levi wasn't talking to him (and to think back to what perquisites meant).
"Only he can win this war," The Captain went on, oblivious to Eren's increasing heartbeat and embarrassment. "You'd be foolish to give up just because you're too scared of the unknown."
Swallowing, Eren looked to Levi and made his choice.
-
"Well done," The Commander commented, going through the agreed terms in the report, "We have another five years."
Hanji yelled out their happiness while Mike smiled, elbowing Eren in the side. Laughing slightly, a bit high on the decision he made, Eren rubbed the spot with glazed eyes.
"Sorry I couldn't make it this year," Erwin apologized to Eren, who smiled dumbly, "The MP's annual commander luncheon fell on the date. I'm sure Levi did well though, considering these terms."
Levi huffed, irritated, crossing his arms and legs defensively.
"That's okay!" Hanji piped up. "We have Eren for another five years! Can you imagine the research I'll be able to complete?”
"We still need to work on your movements," Mike said over Hanji's muttering as they wrote down ideas, "But you've done good."
"Well; you've done well," Levi corrected, and then looked to Eren, "Come on, you have chores to do."
"Yes sir," Eren stood and saluted to his superiors. "Thank you so much for believing in me."
Erwin gave him a smile while Hanji made to grab his hands, but he quickly stepped out of their way. He bumped into Mike, who gave him a good slap on the back, making him choke.
"Enough," Levi snapped, "Let's go Jaeger."
"Sir." Eren followed after him, the hallways of HQ deserted in the late hour.
When Levi turned for his office, Eren shivered. His Captain opened the door and closed it behind Eren, who nervously stood in the middle of the room. Levi walked around him.
"We'll need to go through the report together," Levi stood in front of his desk, looking down at the papers on the surface, "Figure out and plan ahead your next five years. I'll get four eyes to help, along with Mike, but for now, chores."
Eren hadn't moved, frozen to the spot. He was still going to do it. He just wasn't sure how. Or if he'd be killed for it.
"Nanaba's report says your friends did a shitty job in the stables," Levi pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing, praying for patience but he was still probably on low from the hellish meetings in the city, "You'll teach them to do it properly. Christ, after five years, you'd think they'd learn." He muttered, mostly likely to himself, so Eren kept quiet. He wasn't sure if he could say anything at this point that wasn't 'Please touch me'.
Levi turned around at Eren's silence.
"Well? What's wrong with you?"
He bit his lip, but quickly popped it back out, remembering his little mess up in the meeting. Levi narrowed his eyes and stalked closer. Eren's knees shook in anticipation. Maybe Levi would touch him.
"Eren," His voice was almost soft, but stern, "You have to tell me what's wrong or I can't fix it."
Now? He thought as Levi leaned into his personal space. But then the Captain tipped back and huffed.
"You're probably tired," He said, voice low and exhausted, "Go to bed, Eren."
Levi walked past him, shoulders brushing, fingers tickling knuckles. Eren let out a groan and whipped around.
For once, Levi openly looked shocked. Eren held onto his wrist, finger and thumb unable to touch. He held onto the information like it would save his life.
"What?" Levi asked, eyes flicking to his wrist, back to Eren's quickly flushing face, "What is—"
Swallowing Levi's question, Eren stole a wild kiss. Levi stepped back, shoulders hitting the door. His hands went to Eren's shoulders, shaking on the muscle as if he wasn't sure if he wanted to pull him closer or push him away. Licking the Captain's bottom lip, Eren hummed in delight. The touch was amazing. Levi was almost completely under him, hands on him, mouth on him, breath fanning over his flaming cheeks.
Only when Levi opened his mouth fully and licked back, did Eren let out his childish whine and latch their hips together.
This time, Levi pushed him away.
Face a pretty amaranth, eyes wide and frightened, lips wet, Levi fought to catch his breath. Eren had no doubt he looked the same, but a bit more ruffled. He felt like a mess and wanted to just lay waste to Levi again. He wanted to touch him again. He needed it.
He reached out with trembling fingers and wrapped his arms around Levi's broad back and shoulders, sighing into the warmth and solid presence.
"Eren," Levi breathed, hands on his shoulder blades, gripping his shirt, yanking back. "Eren!"
But Levi had kissed him back. He had to try again.
"Levi," Eren said, breaking the one-sided hug and before Levi could say anything else, he kissed him again. "Levi." He repeated, tasting him over and over and losing himself in it.
"We—We," Levi said through the kiss, "Have to t-talk about this." But Eren didn't let up, enthusiastically kissing him, dropping pecks to his jaw and biting his chin softly before reaching his lips again. "Eren." Levi said through the messy, wet kiss. He sounded slightly grossed out.
Eren pulled away to brush their noses together, but leaned over him, trapping Levi to the wall. He pressed their foreheads together and willed his heart to no be so loud, Levi could probably hear it and he could hardly hear Levi's next words.
"Eren," Levi said, voice rough and Eren felt a spark of heat travel up and down his lower stomach. "Was that," He caught his breath and tried to look away, "Was that the reason you were so uncomfortable in the meeting?"
"Sort of," Eren muttered, voice low, lowering his head to kiss Levi's neck. His Captain jumped at the touch and bit down a groan. "I wanted to touch you so bad."
When Levi pushed against him forcefully, Eren quickly let go and stood back, hands up.
"I didn't meant it like that!" He added, "I... I just meant—you always touched me. You would put your hand on my shoulder or pulled me behind you. And suddenly, I wasn't allowed that anymore. I just... wanted it back and uh, what you said... about not trying because of the unknown." He didn't know what to do with his hands if they weren't on Levi, so Eren clamped them behind his back. "I wanted to kiss you, so I wasn't going to let the unknown stop me anymore."
Levi looked ever more pink.
"I'm—I’m sorry, but I couldn't help it. It had been two days and I couldn't touch anybody." He took a deep breath and looked away, tugging on his bottom lip, "I couldn't touch you. I'm so sorry for doing so without your permission, sir."
After a long minute of torturous silence, Eren looked to his Captain and walked closer. Levi looked up, Eren tall and towering over him.
"Can I? Can I do it again?" Eren leaned in and waited, eyes asking silent permission, holding a promise to back off. "I really like you, sir. Please, I want to kiss you."
Eren didn't know it was possible for people to be so red, but Levi managed. His face was blossoming with reds and pinks, spreading down his neck and his ears, lips open. His breathing picked up as Eren bent down, blocking him against the door.
"I'm going to do it again," Eren murmured and then quickly added a fumbling, "L-Levi."
Calmer and not as desperate, Eren took his time, keeping the touches light. He wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling Levi against him even further, deepening the kiss as his superior let out a shaky breath.
Finally, Levi kissed him back, pressing forward and up, probably on his toes. Eren wanted to pick Levi up, but he knew for a fact he wouldn't have legs to stand on anymore if he tried. So he just kept up with the kiss, rubbing his thumbs on the Levi's hips, his now half hard dick begging to be petted. But he wasn't going to rush this (and he'd probably pass out if they did).
Gently, he pulled away and grinned when Levi chased his lips.
When he began to chuckle, out of his mind with happiness, Levi's eyes sharpened through the haze and he snapped his head up.
"What?" He was trying to sound irritated.
Eren snuck a quick peck on his burning cheek.
"I get to do this for more five years."
A quick slap to the back of the head. And a soft kiss after.