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"Count to nine."
It had been Kuroo's stupid, nonsensical advice one night after freshman orientation, but slurred by alcohol.
To this day, Kei was sure he meant to say 'ten,' but Kuroo owned his words and never went back on his sage wisdom.
It was perhaps more shameful for Kei, who despite knowing the truth of the bullshit, took the advice anyways, those two years ago.
By some stroke of luck, Kei had ended up at his high school crush's university, and since then, the whirlwind had yet to cease.
Well, today it would cease on his terms, no matter how painful.
And no, he hadn't planned this. Coming to Kuroo's university, following him, like he was the guiding light he tried so hard to be in high school.
And it worked, hadn't it?
Kei sucked in a breath as he leaned his head against the glass sports case in front of him. An empty gym on a Sunday probably wasn't the most ideal place to do this, but it felt right. Volleyball had always been a central point for both their lives, no matter how many breaks they took from it. Even in the periphery, it had become a persistent backseat driver.
Also, this was where it technically started. Or, resumed.
Kei figured out this was Kuroo's campus on the school tour, long before he'd been endowed with the sacred knowledge of counting to nine. When he passed by a very ornate sports trophy case, the one currently cooling his flushed skin, what should he find in the yearly volleyball team picture?
Wild, unruly hair, black like ink out of a broken pen, grinning too brightly at the camera.
It was a wonder the flash hadn't been cancelled out. But as much as he scowled through the glass while the rest of his group skipped ahead, his heart thumped and his fingers itched to reach forward. Before he knew it, they had. Long, grimy fingerprints tainted the polished surface, and what he used to call a high school crush became a college one as well.
Kei never dreamed for even a moment Kuroo would care they'd be attending the same school; but somehow, he'd been whisked off from boring lectures from the chairman, into Kuroo's world.
A world so big and vast and open, there's no way he should've liked it. And yet, the mass of anxieties he carried for so long had melted away over the years, through three hour phone calls, shared wine coolers, and walking a little too close.
He had to put a stop to it, or set it off in motion. At this point, it was out of his hands.
Kuroo somehow always ended up holding the cards, but Kei supposed if that were true, he wouldn't be the one standing here, waiting for the man he'd called out to meet him.
Kei heard the door across from him click open, the squeak scathing in the empty gym, letting in the sunlight, and perhaps the sun's rays along with him.
"Kei?"
The voice made it real, and then with only the barest hint of amusement in his eyes, Kei took a deep breath, and counted to nine.
--
It had been an impulsive invitation, or Kuroo assumed as much. Kei never did the inviting, but also never refused to come along. It was why Kuroo's overactive imagination hadn't labeled himself a nuisance yet; if Kei really didn't want to hang out with him, then...he wouldn't.
Kuroo doubted there was a force in the world that could make Kei do anything.
So when a slightly tipsy Kei had asked Kuroo to meet him at the gym the next day, Kuroo had been fucking ecstatic. He'd been about twice as drunk, but in that moment the hammer of sobriety had smashed onto his fucking skull like a whac-a-mole game, and all clarity had returned.
He'd nodded profusely, a little too close for Kei's comfort, and only became more eager when he noticed Kei didn't even try to move away.
It didn't help that he was already on cloud-Kei; it had been a while since they'd been able to hang out in Kuroo's apartment and dick around. Terrible cult classics, and old playlists from the 2000s were revisited, subject to Kei’s harsh but endearing commentary.
It had been the highlight of Kuroo's week, or life, at least until he saw Kei the next time.
It was too reminiscent of their first reunion, when Kuroo had whisked Kei away from boring freshman introductions to share cheap booze under the school's gazebo.
They had a lot to catching up to do, but more than that...Kei looked like he desperately needed the fresh air. Jittery and overwhelmed, Kuroo understood.
Those large orientations were a pain, wrapped up in nerves and pinned with stress. Not Kei's place, not Kuroo's either. He only wished someone had been there to rescue him.
“Count to nine” he'd said, so stupidly. “Not only will you be able to catch your breath, it's ridiculous enough to distract you!”
Who needed the extra second anyways?
Kuroo laughed to himself; as if Kei actually used the method, but it had become a strange inside joke between them. Nine, as cursed as it sounded, was their weird lucky number when deciding anything.
Once, and only once, had they won at the roulette table with it.
But a single validation was validation that could last for years.
Or, maybe he's talking out of his ass again. I dunno.
Maybe he just really loved having something only they shared, together. He was weirdly possessive like that, not that Kei would know.
Kei would never know.
As Kuroo walked towards the large gym on the other side of campus, his steps lost a significant amount of pep.
What was wrong with him?
He'd gone out with so many people, it should’ve been easy to let Kei know how he felt.
Maybe it was the friendship aspect of their relationship, or the fact their history was...history. Legitimate, and years in the making. Kuroo, as much as he tried to deny it from the start, had felt this heart pounding adoration towards the blond since their high school training camp.
He couldn't just uproot that for the sake of...the sake of...
Kuroo stopped, just a few feet away from the door.
Love? Maybe. Most definitely.
But that was him, and he couldn't be selfish.
He wouldn't put Kei in an uncomfortable position and risk all they had; even still, Kuroo couldn't help but imagine this little meet-up as a romantic rendezvous, a precursor to some date they'd never have.
He needed to get a hold of himself, and sometimes the best way to do that was to count to nine and plunge himself into the situation without any guidelines. Talking to Kei wasn't hard; as tongue tied as Kuroo could be around him at first sight (who wouldn't be with someone like Kei), once they got started, time started to run and bleed away.
It was both a blessing and a curse that they hadn't ended up living together, the lease renewal period having come too late, for Kuroo would never leave home with Kei there. It's just as bad now though; he'd do anything to spend more time with the blond, and he milked every meetup for as long as he could.
Essentially, he was screwed no matter what, and he had no issues with it.
With that in mind, Kuroo took a deep breath, and pulled the gym doors open.
The first thing he noticed was that Kei was not dressed to go out. Which...Kuroo wasn't going to complain, but he'd hung out with Kei enough to know what to expect. A hoodie, tight jeans which drove Kuroo crazy, and shoes that were about two years to old.
But today, something felt...unkempt.
Kei wore rain boots besides the clear forecast, his hair unbrushed and curling in the back, the result of one too many missed haircuts. Besides that, he'd forgotten to change what Kuroo was 99% sure was a pajama shirt. He bought it for Kei on his birthday, so he had some authority.
It had a cartoon dog on it, with its tongue sticking out. An A+ purchase.
Seeing Kei bold enough to wear the thing in public? Oddly satisfying; it warmed Kuroo's heart so much it might as well have been slow roasting it.
As admirable as it was, it set the tone. Something wasn't normal, but everything about Kei pulled Kuroo closer, no matter the uncertainty.
Kuroo's greeting and grin died in an instant, replaced by a trance-like awe as he stepped forward. Kei was trying to be open, noticeably trying. The desire to curl into himself and scowl made him fidget, but he stayed frozen as Kuroo crossed the small space to him, until they were at an appropriate distance.
'Appropriate.' Or as Kuroo called it, the distance he had spent calculating to make sure his feelings weren't known. Any closer and he might scoop Kei up in his arms, keeping him there.
At the thought his breath stuttered, too audibly, and Kei flinched. Kuroo wanted to bury himself in the ground.
Kei swallowed, looking at his shoes before fixing his eyes stubbornly on Kuroo's face. Another forced action. Kuroo stayed still, waiting for Kei to speak, to explain, but he got nothing. "Hi."
As soon as the words left Kei's mouth, Kuroo could see the instant mortification overcome his features. That pretty blush, that slow realization...
Beautiful, in all Kei's momentary self-hatred.
And fuck it, if things were going to be awkward, Kuroo would plunge into the waters right there with him. What were friends for? So, Kuroo blurted out the first thing on his mind. "What's wrong?"
Okay. Maybe that was too much, but he was thinking it.
Immediately, Kei's shoulders tensed, his face twisting in the fake confusion he reserved only for making fun of people. The scent of denial was in the air before a sound was, but Kei's shaky breathing just made it worse. "N-Nothing's wr--"
"Yes there is." Fuck it, Kuroo had already dug a hole, a moat. But maybe, if he could go back .2 seconds, he'd be a bit softer. Kei's face did that cute, crumbly thing which stabbed Kuroo in the abdomen and twisted hard. It made Kuroo want to slap himself just to make up for it; it's adorable, but only for the first moment. If anyone ever made Kei look like that, Kuroo would punch their goddamn brains out.
Kei faltered for a moment, but Kuroo nudged him, the small motion apologetic enough to bridge the gap. It never failed him.
"C'mon, I know you better." And Kuroo did. He knew something was wrong from not only the hesitation, but the way his own stomach flipped and twisted aggressively. It's a terrible feeling, not knowing what someone is going to say but knowing it's not going to be normal.
Nothing about this was normal.
But then, Kei smiled, nervous but no less welcoming. Kuroo's confusion spiked, but he was like a fish to bait in cases like this; he'd follow Kei into the abyss if it meant he kept smiling like that.
"I guess you do...I've..." Kei stumbled, breathing slow before continuing. Pushing himself. Cute. "I've always appreciated it."
Or it was cute, until it become absolutely deadly.
Kei didn't just say things like that. Kuroo made a choking noise, couldn't help it, and they both flinched. At least he stopped himself from clutching his chest from a near heart attack.
Kei appreciated him. Kei told him.
Fuck.
Kuroo shouldn't be here. He'd end up making a fool of himself surely, but his feet stayed planted.
Humor was all he really had as a defense
"Hah," he breathed, far too tense. "Couldn't tell from all the eye rolls."
Thankfully, Kei snorted at that, whether or not it was just to humor Kuroo or not. Another thing which didn't make sense.
"Yeah, sorry about that," Kei said, easily.
Easily.
Apologizing.
Kuroo's heart thumped in his chest, it echoed in his ears. His breathing came out, stuttering, but he stepped closer. Maybe he'd done something, maybe Kei felt different around him because of it.
Kuroo had to fix...fix what?
"Kei, it's fine, it was a joke," he breathed, nudging him again. Kei hands tightened where they gripped his fingers, pulling. It was not a habit Kuroo had seen in a while.
Kei gave a forced laugh, but not the same kind he'd use back in high school, when he was trying to make Kuroo go away. This one wanted Kuroo to desperately stay put, as if he'd ever think of going anywhere else. "I know I just…I didn't think I'd be this bad at it."
And as usual, Kuroo stopped himself from reassuring Kei he couldn't be bad at anything.
"Bad at what?" Kuroo asked, and then Kei looked at him again, really looked.
The blond bit his lip, letting the flesh slip from his teeth, and for once Kuroo didn't have to fight the urge to stare. Kei's eyes held all his attention, shining under the crappy fluorescent lighting.
Kuroo wasn't ready for the answer.
"Making things obvious," Kei clarified, coughing. He fixed Kuroo with an expectant look, like he should understand. "About the whole...feelings thing. But I see it now?"
It sounded like a question for Kuroo more than a sign of uncertainty, and boy, Kuroo understood in an instant.
Oh. No.
Kuroo's face lit up like a fire, his mouth drying up in a similar fashion. His brain exploded, but the ah-ha moment felt seriously messed up as his mind raced and rearranged every possibility.
Or the million aspects of one, single possibility.
Kei knew. Kei found out somehow, and now...
"D-do you?" Kuroo said, stupidly, unsure of if he should try to flat out deny it yet. He needed to get a handle on his voice first before he tried to pull off any kind of lie.
Even then, he was only lying to himself. Kei had been able to see through him since freshman year.
All Kuroo could hope for was Kei's understanding; please don't hate me.
As much as he adored Kei, they were friends now, great friends. He couldn't lose that.
Kei didn't seem as panicked, but he looked back down to his hand, muttering. "Yes...I've known for a long time, but I didn't think I could wait anymore."
Right.
Because Kuroo was getting more and more obvious. Maybe even borderline creepy, and Kei couldn't take it anymore.
Goddammit.
Kuroo should've known the surprise visits to Kei's apartments were too much, and offering to buy him lunch every once and awhile, bringing him cake, what had he been thinking?
"Oh god, I'm so sorry," Kuroo blurted out, no longer able to help himself. It was too loud in the large gymnasium. He winced as it bounced off the walls, and Kei notably startled, eyes growing wide.
"Uh--"
And yet, Kuroo just couldn't stop.
"I thought I was keeping my distance really well but if I ever did anything or said anything--"
And of course he had.
He must've. Kuroo watched as Kei's face grew progressively redder until it could be pasted next to the dictionary definition of 'baffled.'
Kuroo was just making this worse for himself, if Kei was trying to let him down easy, Kuroo should just listen. In fact, Kei's face was pinching into a frown now, his hands raising to try and calm Kuroo down.
"Kuroo..."
But the pit kept getting deeper.
Kuroo combed his hands through his hair, the memories rushing past. All the times he got a little too close. "I never wanted to make you feel weird! It's just, I can't help it! I've liked you for forever and habits are hard okay, I still bite my nails and can only use one brand of toothpaste for like no reason. Well actually...it's a pretty good toothpaste but--"
Then Kei's hand was on his chest, firm and a force strong enough to stop a boulder.
Kuroo shut up in an instant, looking between the hand and Kei's dumbstruck face.
Kei blinked once, his mouth producing no sound, until the whisper made it through. It didn't echo like Kuroo's blabbering did, but it shook Kuroo to his core. "You like me?"
Why did he sound so stunned?
Kuroo swallowed, his hands still frozen mid wild gesture. "Isn't this...conversation about how much I like you?" And how I should stop?
Slowly, Kei shook his head. The storm of Kuroo's mind quieted, and the narrowed, improbable possibility dissolved into nothing.
Kei's eyes kept flicking down before he remembered his resolve, fixing Kuroo to the spot with a vulnerability which made all too much sense now.
Then...
"Then...it's...oh," Kuroo whispered, his hands falling to his sides.
If his heart had stopped, it was running just fine now.
The happiness hadn't hit him yet, but it was hard to get a grip on any emotion when Kei looked like that. Kuroo's hand slid to rest against Kei's, and he could feel the pulse, like he'd run a marathon.
Kei flinched, but never pulled back.
They stayed like that, silent for several seconds, until Kei slowly began to shake his head in disbelief. Kuroo didn't even have a chance to open his mouth. "I can't believe you just ruined a perfectly good confession."
Kuroo winced. Yeah.
But hey, wait.
"Excuse me?" Kuroo asked, gripping Kei's wrist tighter. "You hadn't even confessed yet!"
Kei's mouth was comparable to a fish’s out of water. "I-I tried! You did it for me!"
"Well..." Kuroo tried, but knew this was a losing battle. He really did fuck that up. But how was he supposed to know. Kei looked at him expectantly, and Kuroo just...went for it. Trial and error. "Take two. Lay it on me."
Kei blinked. "What?"
"You heard me, just...let's go, hit me!" Kuroo said, rolling his shoulders back. As if he needed to stretch before hearing a confession.
Actually he might. This was Kei they were talking about. Kuroo was already half dead from seeing him smile.
Kei squinted, gauging whether or not Kuroo was actually serious. Unfortunately, he was. "N-no! It's ruined now."
Then, Kei stepped back in such a swift movement, Kuroo had to back up. The blond pivoted towards the nearest door, determined. "We'll try again tomorrow."
And well, Kuroo's stubbornness rivaled his. He latched back onto Kei's wrist, holding him there, wanting him to stay for...forever really.
They both wanted that, didn't they? Because they...
You like me.
Kei liked him.
It really, truly dawned on him in that second it took Kei to turn around, startled and panicked but as beautiful as day one. Day one, because whether or not either of them knew it, it had all started back during that high school practice match.
The training camp made it stronger, nationals made it burn, and now...
They were so stupid, and Kuroo was so, unbelievably happy about it.
Kei looked at their joined hands, blinded by Kuroo's smile. It had formed without his permission, the result of the blinding need to pull Kei close.
They may not have done this right, but no way was Kuroo waiting any longer.
Tomorrow, ha.
"But then I'd have to wait to see you, that's no good," he whispered, tugging Kei forward, sealing the gap between them until less than a foot remained. And as expected, something which made all the sense in the world now, Kei let himself be led.
With tired, fond eyes, Kuroo's hand slid to Kei's, curling their fingers together.
"Any confession from you is perfect," Kuroo said, grossly sincere. Kei's eyes flashed up to his, softening. "I'd even take it written on a poorly made cake, if you want?"
For once, that attempt at humor was genuine. Thank god.
Kei snorted, shaking his head, and Kuroo hoped the shitty memes of botched cake messages floated through his mind.
So yeah, it was a good idea.
"I mean I do like cake," Kei begrudgingly admitted. If he did have one weakness it was that sweet-tooth, but Kuroo loved it. "But um..."
Kei's smile made him melt; he'd always been putty in the other's hands, but now it would surely be much worse.
"Mhmm?" Kuroo hummed, already wrapped around Kei's finger. He could live with that, provided Kei was also wrapped around his. “I’m waiting.”
Kei took a deep breath, rolling his eyes as the blush took over. “Shut it, I’m counting to nine alright? It’s your stupid advice.”
And the fact he remembered was almost better than any verbal confession, proof of how grossly devoted they both were.
Kei really was the best. He never did give up when he set out to do something, no matter how out of character or embarrassing. Or how much he had to rely on Kuroo’s drunk tips.
Kuroo thanked his lucky stars for that as Kei spoke. "I like cake, but not as much as I like you."
Ah.
Kuroo stood there, smiling and frozen as the words hit him, his knees close to buckling. "Mm. Nevermind. I can't handle it."
Nope. Not even a little.
Kei blanched. "Huh?"
"I can't move."
It was just the way it went sometimes. But at least Kei was laughing now, loud and borderline childish.
Kuroo would never get sick of it, even when Kei pushed him. Kuroo stumbled back, but pulled Kei with him, until he could feel the blond's laughter against his chest. "You're the worst--"
"You mean the best," Kuroo corrected, cradling Kei against him. At this rate, with no balance between the two of them, they'd end up on the floor. "Also, there's no way you like cake less."
Smothering his fleeting giggles, Kei pulled back, no more than an inch from Kuroo's face. Contemplating, but still stuck on watching Kuroo's lips. It was mutual. "50/50?"
Thought so.
Kuroo's forehead hit Kei's gently as he laughed, and before closing the gap, Kuroo conceded. "I'll take it."
Every time.
And well, for all his suffering, Kuroo let Kei lead the way. The blond's lips hit his first, sweet and more like the ghost of a kiss than the usual, impassioned ones seen in dramas. Kuroo doubted he could've handled more anyways.
Kuroo cradled his face as he pressed back into it, soaking up every second until he knew he was taking too much. Kei laughed against his lips, but was no less eager for it. Their lips met more times than Kuroo cared to keep track of, and he figured that was a good thing.
Well, until they remembered that this was a public gym, and more people would surely show up.
They separated, only mildly out of breath. Still fairly lame for a few closed-mouth kisses, but Kuroo was intoxicated all the same.
So of course, it meant his brain was only running at half its usual power.
.
.
.
"We can still hang out today then, right?" Kuroo asked, beaming in excitement.
"..."
"Because I really really don't want to wait for tomorrow, and--"
Kei leaned back in, shutting Kuroo up in a way that was long overdue.
No hesitation, or counting, necessary.