Work Text:
Dean turned in surprise when he heard the first knock. No-one knew he was here. He hadn’t known he would be here. Not here exactly, anyway. Not in this motel room, a double no less. He put down the whisky bottle, the last refuge of a condemned man, and crossed the dingy motel room to where he had thrown his jacket onto the threadbare bedcover. Deft fingers efficiently located and withdrew the gun from the inside pocket. He removed the safety lock and stepped quietly towards the door, holding the gun in both hands. There was a second knock on the door. Dean positioned himself so that the gun would be out of view when he opened the door but could be quickly deployed if needed. He reached for the door and pulled it open.
“Cas?” his shock was palpable.
“Hello Dean.”
The angel stepped past Dean and entered the room, leaving the stunned hunter holding the open door. Bewildered, Dean closed the door and turned to watch as Cas, who appeared to be soaked to the skin, inspected the motel room as if looking for something. He picked up the whisky bottle and sniffed it, before replacing it on the bedside table.
“Cas, how did you find me? No-one knows I’m here.” Dean asked
“I was motivated.” Cas deadpanned, continuing to look around the room, opening drawers and even lifting the pillows to peer underneath. He still had not turned to look at Dean.
“What are you looking for, and hell, how come you are soaking?” Dean demanded. “Cas, stop! Just look at me, will you?”
“I don’t know and it’s raining.” Cas responded gruffly, but he stopped what he was doing and turned towards Dean.
“Why are you here man?”
“To stop you.”
Dean looked uncomfortable and crossed the room to the whisky bottle, taking a deep slug before turning to face the penetrating, azure gaze that was currently fixed on him.
Dean tried to hold that gaze, he did, but as always, it felt like Cas could see straight into his soul, and right now, Dean could do without that level of scrutiny. He dropped his eyes to Cas’ lips for a moment, then looked away completely. He sat on the bed and rubbed a hand across his face, stalling for a moment. This was not good. He had a plan. Cas couldn’t possibly know that plan, but Cas could also not possibly have known where to find him, yet here they were. At last he looked back up at Cas who was standing watching him from a few feet away.
“You came all this way to stop me getting drunk?” he quipped.
“No Dean, I tracked you down to stop you from destroying yourself in some misguided belief that this would be the right thing to do. That it is the only way to defeat Michael.”
Cas’ features softened. “We will find another way Dean.” He crossed to the bed to stand directly in front of the hunter. “The world needs you Dean Winchester! I need you!” He looked down at Dean’s bowed head.
“Billie visited me Cas,” it was barely a whisper, “she told me that all the records of how I die had been re-written, and they all say the same thing. Michael escapes and the world burns! All but one.”
Dean lifted his head to look up at Cas standing over him. His eyes were wet, but he fought back the tears that threatened to fall. This had been so much easier when he thought no-one would find him and try and stop him.
Cas reached out and placed his hand on Dean’s shoulder. A gesture intended to bring comfort to the hunter, but to Dean it was just a reminder that the comfort he craved from his angel, would never be his.
“Dean, if the records have been re-written, that means they are not fixed, they can be re-written again.”
“I don’t see how Cas, I really don’t. I have a plan that will stop Michael ever escaping. If he gets out of the cage in my mind, he will still be trapped, forever!”
“And in this plan, you have to sacrifice yourself, yes?”
“I don’t see another way, Cas, I really don’t”
“I do!”
Cas sat on the bed next to Dean.
“Look at me Dean.” It was a request, not an order, delivered in the gentlest of tones.
“You are scared that Michael will escape the cage in your mind.” It was a statement, not a question.
“That’s what Billie said would happen, and the world will burn.” Dean reminded his friend needlessly.
“What if there were a way to guard that cage in your mind, to make sure that he never escaped?”
“Nice idea Cas, but I don’t see how.”
“I can do it!”
“What? What are you on about?”
“Listen to me. If you let me possess you, I can guard the cage in your mind. It won’t be like when Michael possessed you. I wouldn’t take control of you. I wouldn’t access your thoughts or your memories, you wouldn’t even know I was there. But I could guard the cage and make sure you are safe and that he never gets out.” Cas looked triumphantly at Dean, but the hunter looked horrified.
“No, no way! N’uh-uh! Not happening!” Dean pulled away from Cas’ hand on his shoulder but turned to face the angel. Cas’ face dropped.
“You don’t trust me?”
“What, are you crazy? Of-course I trust you, I trust you more than anyone, you and Sam.”
“Then why won’t you let me do this?” Cas interrupted in exasperation. “It’s the obvious solution.”
“Tell me Cas, I consent to this, what happens to you?”
Cas tilted his head in confusion.
“I would guard the cage in your mind Dean. I thought I just explained that?”
“I mean your body” Dean responded quietly. He deliberately avoided saying vessel. As far as he was concerned, the angel sitting next to him was the whole deal. Those beautiful blue eyes, that wonderful, messy hair that just begged to have fingers run through it, those lips…oh those lips! Cas might be a multi-dimensional wavelength of celestial intent, but as far as Dean was concerned, he was also warm flesh and blood, and, as it happened, hot as hell.
“Well, it wouldn’t be needed any more, I suppose, so….”
“So?”
“So, um, I guess it would become obsolete.”
“You mean die Cas,” Dean blurted out.
“But I wouldn’t actually be dead Dean!”
“No, you’d be silent and patient in my mind. Not intruding, not interacting, just trying to make me forget you were even there. Meanwhile, your body rots, or we burn or bury it. To all intense and purposes, it would be like you had died, and I have been there Cas, and I am not going through that again, I’m just not!” Dean was becoming extremely agitated just at the thought.
Cas regarded him solemnly. “Yet me, and Sam, and Jack, we are supposed to be able to go through losing you. You expect us to stand by and let that happen” He asked in a soft, pleading tone.
“What part of the world is going to burn did you not understand?” It was delivered without heat. Dean sounded defeated. “Hell, if it saves the world, what do I matter?”
“You matter to me Dean”
“Why Cas? Why do I matter? All the times I have let you down, why do you even care what happens to me?”
“Because I love you Dean.”
It was a simple statement, delivered without fan-fare, but it stopped Dean in his tracks.
“You w-what now?”
“I love you.” Cas shifted so that he was facing Dean properly. He took in the look of shock on his friend’s face, and the tears glistening in the corner of his eyes.
“Oh!” realisation dawned, “That displeases you?”
“Displeases me? What, no! I just don’t……I don’t get it Cas, what is there to love?”
Cas looked dismayed. “You don’t think you deserve to be loved, do you?”
“You think? You’re an angel of the freakin’ Lord, I’m just a …a... I don’t even know what I am, but I’m nothing, just nothing!”
Cas reached out and took Dean’s hands in his own, gratified when the hunter didn’t pull away.
“Dean Winchester, you are the Righteous Man, but you are more than that. So much more. You are beautiful. Inside and out. Your soul, it shines so brightly, it’s truly breath-taking. You deserve to be loved, you deserve to be cherished. You deserve only good things. You don’t deserve what is happening to you, and I will fight to my last breath to keep you safe and to make you understand just how important and precious you are!” Castiel chest was heaving with the passion behind these words.
For Dean, it was too much. Tears streamed down his cheeks. He leant forward and rested his forehead on Castiel’s shoulder.
“Hold me.” Was all he could manage.
Cas let go of Dean’s hands and wrapped his arms around the man he loved, pulling him as close as their respective positions would allow. They stayed like that, in a wordless embrace for a long, long time. Eventually, Dean’s tears dried, but he started to shiver.
He leant back slightly, “Stay with me?” it was a plea.
“Of course, Dean,” Cas responded without hesitation.
“Thank you.” It was a whisper. Dean leant in and brushed his lips lightly across Cas’ lips. He wanted more, he had fantasised about more. Kissing Cas for hours on end was his favourite fantasy, but one he had never dreamed of actually acting upon. Then again, he had never, ever dreamed that Cas might love him. That brushing together of lips was a gentle push against a door he had thought would remain forever locked against him. Now that door was ajar. Now maybe there was hope. He pulled away and stood pulling off his shirt, before removing jeans shoes and socks and crawling under the bedcovers.
“Your clothes are wet Cas, you’d better take them off” he said lightly, pulling back the covers on the other side of the bed, in a clear invitation.
Cas didn’t need to be told twice. He removed his outer clothing, dropping them where he stood, then climbed into the open bed next to Dean. Pulling the covers over them both, he lifted his arm and Dean slipped underneath it, snuggling up close and slipping his hands beneath the hem of Cas’ white undershirt, to ghost them across the smooth, tanned skin beneath. Cas kissed the top of Dean’s head lightly and sank his head back onto the pillow.
If anyone had been looking down, they would have seen the corner of Cas’ lips curling upwards into a warm smile. He was under no illusions; a difficult path still lay ahead of them and who knows what sorrow and pain would come their way, But right here, right now, Cas marvelled that this was what contentment felt like, and as Dean brushed his lips gently across his throat and whispered, "I love you too.", Cas suspected he might just discover what utter bliss felt like too, before this night was through.