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These cramps were going to be the end of her. One day the monster that she was sure was lurking in her body, punishing her for not getting pregnant in the last month. would be dissatisfied with merely causing her immense pain, being moody, tired and making her bleed everywhere and would just rip her apart from the inside. To be honest she wasn’t one hundred percent sure that wasn’t happening at that very moment.
She straightened in her office chair, arching forward, knowing it was futile to attempt to alleviate the pain in her stomach, but trying to ease away the aching in her back. She heard a satisfying click and stretched her arms forward, clicking her elbows before doing the same with her hands and fingers. It seemed that every month, she could count on her body to cramp up everywhere, even more than normal, which as a hacker, who spent many, many hours sat in front of a computer, was already a ridiculous amount.
Oliver was in a meeting, and through the glass walls, she looked and could tell that it had gone on about an hour longer than he needed to maintain focus. He was like a dog in some ways Felicity thought to herself, laughing slightly in her seat. He needed an adequate amount of exercise or he became restless and could not follow through with the basic commands, “sit” (in the meeting), “stay” (by your desk until you’ve signed all this paper work). The more she thought about the similarities between Oliver and a dog, the more she smiled and thought of ways to utilise this information.
She looked back at the glass panels, sensing Oliver’s eyes on her. She swore he had and 8th sense, knowing when she smiled or laughed, or maybe just entertained herself at his expense. Honestly, the more time she spent with Oliver and Diggle, the more they overlapped. He looked at her, question on his eyes, she averted his gaze and, as if on cue, the phone rang, distracting her from her musings.
“Hello, Mr Queen’s office, how can I help you?” She responded automatically, getting out her pen and notepad ready to take a message. Some investors needed to talk on the phone with Oliver, it could wait until after the meeting, but she had sensed the frustration coming off him on waves and seeing his index and middle finger rubbing together, desperate to feel the bowstring in his hands. She also knew he had completely disengaged from the conversation at least an hour ago, so she told them to hold for one second and rose from her chair. She limped over to the glass doors as gracefully as possible, feeling the pain getting worse as the day progressed, but desperately trying to cover it. She didn’t want to explain to Oliver but knew that he would notice her pain and be worried.
“Mr Queen, I’m afraid you have a phone call that needs to be taken urgently. Shall I tell them to wait or shall you continue this another day?” She said sweetly, but professionally, knowing he saw the lifeline she was throwing him.
“Thank you, Miss Smoak, if the phone call is urgent then transfer it to my personal line and we’ll finish this later, Mr Sanderson.” He responded, turning to the man in question, hand outstretched.
Shaking his hand, he said his farewells to the businessman and immediately turned on his heel, walking back towards his desk. He considered just telling Felicity to get the caller to return the call at another time and just sit for a few minutes, but he knew he should get on with his work. Falling into his chair, he picked up the phone and noticed the slight wobble, limp in Felicity’s walk as she strode back to her desk. He also took note of the brief flash of pain on her face as she sat, wanting to just hang up the phone and help Felicity through her pain. She was working, and so could he, for 2 more minutes anyway.
After what seemed like an infinity later (but really could have only been 10 minutes) Oliver put down the phone, sighing as it hit the table top. Once again, he saw Felicity move and the signs of pain practically screaming at him, clutching her stomach, body tensed. He rose from his chair, walking towards his Girl Wednesday, intent in helping her when Diggle walked in.
“So, we ready to go?” Diggle said. He tended to stay out of the office and just generally anything related to QC stuff, but some days he’d loiter in the building, or Felicity’s office and just watch a film or something on his phone until one of them needed him. Today however, he had spent the day doing some much-needed paperwork, taxes, rent; and spending some time with Lyla. All the normal things he didn’t have time to do in the hectic lives all three of them led.
Felicity was too absorbed in her work and didn’t notice as Oliver grabbed Diggle’s arm and steered him back out of the office.
“Have you noticed anything...off about Felicity lately?”
“No man, why, has something happened?”
“That’s what I'm trying to figure out. All day she’s been a bit off, in pain. I just don’t know why” Oliver finished, frustration clear in her voice.
“Well, have you talked to her?”
“Not yet, that’s what I was about to do when you walked in, I've been busy all day and I didn't want to push.”
He looked up as Diggle snorted and raised an eyebrow at him.
“Okay, well Lyla is in the car, I’ll just drive her back home and you can talk to Felicity. I’ll pick up some Big Belly Burger on my way back.”
Diggle turned away and walked towards the elevator and Oliver turned around, unsure how to approach Felicity now. What was happening, why wouldn’t she tell him? Didn’t she trust him? He walked towards her, thinking that just being blunt could be the best way to get answers, proper answers.
“Felicity, are you ok?”
She looked up at him, confused. “Yes, of course...”
He opened his breath, rebuttal on his tongue when the phone rang once again.
“Hello, Mr Queen’s office, how can I help you? Yes Miss Rochev, I’ll send Mr Queen up now.” She dropped the phone onto her desk.
“Her highness has demanded your presence.” And she continued to look at the screen. “Oliver, you might want to go...” Letting the sentence hang in the air, not in a hostile way, more of a ‘why the hell are you still here, she’s a psyco’ kind of way. And so, he left.
Oliver was in the elevator, on his way back down, worrying about Felicity. There was something off, he could tell, he just didn’t know what. He stepped onto the marble floors, wanting to get to the bottom of this, Diggle still had only left 2 minutes before, the lecture from Isobel seeming so much longer than it was. He pinched the bridge of his nose, hoping to alleviate some of the pain and stress residing there when he stopped in his tracks. Felicity was sat in her chair, eyes closed, in what definitely did not seem like a sleeping manner. He broke out into a very fast walk, engulfing the distance between them in 2 strides. She was still breathing, her pulse strong. He tried to wake her.
“Felicity, come on now, wake up please.”
Quickly he got out his phone, calling Diggle.
“Yeah man, I’ve only just left, I still need to get Lyla home.”
“No Diggle, turn around. It’s Felicity.” In that moment, Diggle’s blood ran cold, his hands gripping the steering wheel with so much more intensity as he turned back.
“What, what’s wrong?”
“I don’t know. Her pulse is strong, breathing is normal, but she’s just laid in her chair. I can’t wake her up John.”
“Ok man, don’t stress it. She might have just passed out or fainted. I’ll be there in a minute, just make her a cup of coffee or something, don’t move her, it’s fine.”
He hung up the phone and Oliver just wanted to scream “ITS NOT FINE” or something. Felicity wouldn’t wake up, and he couldn’t do anything now? He just had to wait? He decided to make a coffee for her, hopefully making her happier in a couple of minutes after she woke up from her totally normal, deep sleep, right? Yeah, it's fine Oliver told himself and turned to the coffee machine just behind him on the wall.
Diggle sped past the traffic, secretly terrified for his little sister. Lyla looked at him, and put her hand atop of his on the wheel. What is happening, what if Oliver should do something and I just told him not to, what if she’s not ok? Thoughts rushed through Dig’s brain, faster than the car. They arrived at QC and both jumped out of the car. They ran through the building, into the elevator and Diggle punched the buttons furiously. Once again, Lyla rested her hand over his, comforting him.
“The elevator won’t go any faster, you’ll just break it Johnny. Now, I know you’re scared, but she’s fine, and we don’t want to freak Oliver out now, so were going to be calm and collected, ok?”
The only response she got was a delicate kiss on the hand as the doors opened. They walked, very quickly, towards Felicity, Oliver trying to dig a trench in the floor with his pacing, hot coffee in hand. Immediately Lyla understood what was going on. She felt like she knew Felicity quite well, and so knew what she needed to do now, even though it would be very hard.
“Ok guys, I see what’s going on here and before you both annoy Felicity and I, I’m going to need you both to leave the room. It’s fine ok, she’s fine, I’m just going to wake her up and when I do, I think it would be better for a calm me to talk to her, not you 2 hot-heads.”
She looked at them expectantly, and they started to walk away. Just as they turned around, Felicity made a noise from behind her and they both turned around to see her waking. Lyla grabbed one of Oliver’s arms and looked Diggle dead in the eye. He grabbed Oliver’s arms and began to draw him away.
“Come on man, let’s go now.”
Lyla watched as they walked away and turned around to see Felicity. She was led in a really awkward position and looked as if she could fall straight of the chair at any second. Lyla decided before she would wake up Felicity, she would get her a few things she needed first. She smiled at the warm cup of coffee Oliver had made, pulling it further away from Felicity, hoping she wouldn’t knock it off the table if she jerked awake. Lyla walked into the executive bathroom, knowing both Oliver and Felicity kept spare clothes in there. She got out a set that seemed to go together that looked work-appropriate and laid it delicately on the towel rack outside the shower, then putting a nice, big fluffy towel there as well. She then got out a couple of pain killers, putting the packet on her desk, and then getting a glass of water. Finally, she put a tampon and a pad on the sink as well, hoping it would be adequate and Felicity wouldn’t be embarrassed.
“Felicity, come on sweetie, wake up now” Lyla said, sitting Felicity upright in her chair.
“Hmm, I was working Oliver, I wasn’t asleep... OWW!”
“Felicity, it’s ok. Oliver’s not here ok. It’s just me, Lyla. My cramps used to be really bad sometimes too, basically I think you passed out from the pain of it. Now, take these pain killers, have a glass of water, and then go have a shower, I’ve put some clothes and some other things you might need in there. And Oliver made you this coffee which you can enjoy on the way home when I drive you.” Lyla smiled as she said it, not giving Felicity a chance to talk, seeing her embarrassment as her cheeks flushed.
“Lyla, thank you so much, really. I’m so sorry. Oh my God, no.” As she stood up, Felicity saw how Lyla had realised she was on her period: blood. A lot of it! She must have bled through, and now there was blood on the lovely white office chair. I can’t believe this is happening right now Felicity thought.
“Don’t worry about that, go and enjoy your shower, you seem like you would benefit from one right now, I’ll deal with the chair.” Lyla said softly, the softness and depth in her eyes showing the honesty and caring there.
“Lyla, you’ve done SO... much already. Really, don’t worry, I’ll sort this after.” Felicity’s voice rose as the pain came once again.
“Ok, you get in the shower and do it after. Go. On.” The command was clear in her voice, so Felicity did as she was told, despite her suspicions as Lyla gave in.
Truth be told, Felicity really needed that shower. The scalding water soothed her aching muscles. She reached up, hoping to stretch out the kinks in her body, with the aid of the heat and the relaxation provided by the steam and scents engulfing her. She was worried about what the boys would think. If Lyla had woken her up, that must mean that at least Diggle had seen her. She wished more than anything that Oliver had not seen or heard of what happened; she was already embarrassed by Lyla having to step in. She could normally tell when the pain was going to become too much, she had been dealing with this since she was 8. She knew what she was doing. On nights she was working with the boys and it became practically unbearable she would mute the comms and just try. She never took painkillers when the boys were out. She never knew fully why, she just didn’t want to feel like she was leaving them exposed. She supposed it had been Oliver rubbing off on her, he never took painkillers, as he felt it left him exposed. She knew that the pain became more bearable if she crossed her legs over each other, in the ‘lotus position’, and so she would sit in her desk chair like that until they returned. Also, chocolate, and ice cream, and hot junk food. Always. Her pain tolerance had actually improved significantly thanks to this monthly torture, so she did see the silver lining. She hadn’t passed out from cramp pains in 3 months. She was so determined to not let the boys down, she endured it in their presence. And now she would have to explain it. She didn’t want to do that.
She stepped out of the shower, towelling herself off as she heard movement outside. She was worried that Oliver and Diggle were coming to see her, worse if Oliver knew she had passed out. And why. Or if Lyla was checking she alright. That would be bad too. She didn’t want to think shed worried anyone but in reality, she was the innocent one, she didn’t know pain, she had no scars. She was the IT girl, and she’d passed out. Something terrible must have happened to her. Of course, they would have been able to cope with it, but she wasn’t supposed to get hurt. She rolled her eyes. That’s what they thought. She knew they cared and she liked that. She wasn’t naïve, she knew they could deal with so much more than her, but sometimes she felt like they expected her to get hurt over nothing. That’s why she didn’t want to explain. She couldn’t make them feel the exact same pain, she couldn’t show them, yes, you can deal with more than me, but I'm not weak!
She put on the clothes that Lyla had kindly put aside ready for her, admiring her choices. She looked herself in the mirror. You know you’re not weak, they know you’re not overdramatic, right? Yes of course they do... Yeah. And it's nothing to be embarrassed about, half the population has periods, I mean Oliver has a sister and a mother and had a long-term girlfriend. And Dig has Lyla. They won't care.
Felicity stepped out of the bathroom and Oliver ran to her straight away, grabbing her by the shoulders.
“You’re ok right? What happened? Are you ok now? Should we go to the hospital?”
He alternated between crushing her head into his chest and pulling it back, grabbing her head on both sides so he could look her right in the eyes. He was really worried.
Felicity was captivated by his close presence and staring into his eyes, so deep, so beautiful. At the mention of a hospital, however, she broke out of her reverie and stepped back. She was about to explain how overdramatic he was being when Lyla stepped in to save her.
“Oliver, step back. You’re crushing her. Look, she’s fine, right Felicity?” She looked at her, silently asking what she wanted. Felicity saw this and nodded her head, she was fine with explaining to the boys, but she really appreciated the gesture and the fact she hadn’t already told them. She wouldn’t have minded at all of Lyla had let them in, but she was gratuitous more than she could say that she showed her silent support, while at all times giving her the choice of what she wanted to do.
She looked over at the chair, seeing its pearly whiteness fully restored.
“Lyla, I told you I would deal with the chair. You shouldn’t have.”
“Well if you won't accept the fact that I was just a friend trying to help, you know the longer it was left, the harder it would be to deal with it. Anyway, we all know that you would do all of this for me if the roles were reversed.”
Oliver and Diggle looked towards each other, confusion clear on both of their faces. Oliver was getting seriously impatient, Diggle clearly sharing that, but much less concerned, knowing Lyla would have said if anything was serious.
“Felicity, care to tell me what’s going on? I mean, I came back down from Isobel’s office and see you unconscious on your chair. I couldn’t wake you up! What happened?”
“Well, Oliver, Diggle. I have something to tell you.” As Oliver looked back to Diggle, Felicity winked towards him, and as Oliver looked back to her, he winked back, signifying he would go along with her joking.
“I have dealt with this since I was 8.” Oliver’s face softened, sympathy and concern mixing in his blue irises. She felt bad, wishing she hadn’t decided to do this now. Diggle shook his head behind, saying she should just go along with it. But she couldn’t.
“Half the population deal with it. Ok. I get really bad period cramps and I passed out, alright.” Feeling deflated and vulnerable, as she finished everyone could visibly see as the breath left her body and she looked smaller now. More like a child who had just had to admit they’d done something wrong. There was something lurking in the depth of her eyes. Anticipation. But not the good kind. She looked as if she were waiting for someone to tell her some bad news.
Sympathy and concern visible on the faces of Oliver and Diggle, neither one the reaction she expected. She certainly didn’t expect it when Oliver walked towards her, a small frown and worry lines prominent, and scooped her up in a hug.
“Let's get you home, shall we?” He whispered compassionately into her hair.
She leaned back slightly from the embrace and looked at him, confusion clear on her face.
“What?” She was baffled, to say the least.
“Digg, why don’t you spend the night with Lyla, Felicity and I will chill at her place. We can all have a night off. I think we all deserve it, don’t you John?”
“I definitely do. We’ve all been worked to the bone recently. And I think we can all agree that Felicity does the most work here and at the foundry too.” He added the last part as he smiled warmly to his little sister.
When she smiled back at him, Lyla walked towards him and the two of them left. Felicity was so confused and, just as she was about to tell Oliver it wasn’t necessary, or express her confusion, another wave of pain hit her.
“Oww!” She clutched her stomach and began to fall slightly, but Oliver was right beside her the whole time and held her.
“Felicity, what do you need?” Oliver was worried, very worried. His face was scrunched up in pain, and he spoke louder than normal.
“I’m fine, I just didn’t expect that one. Caught me off-guard you know?” It pained him that she would expect it. That she had to suffer this pain all day, every day for a few days, every month in her life. It the registered what she had said earlier. He scooped her up, one hand under the upper part of her back, the other under her knees. He hoped if he talked to her, she would just let him carry her and wouldn’t register what he was doing.
“Did you say you started when you were 8?”
“Why have you picked me up?! Put me down Oliver!” She practically screamed, squirming around in his arms.
“I’m just curious. Isn't that really young to start?”
Ok. Now she was really confused. How does he know that? Why does he care? Surely, he just thinks that I'm being stupid and weak. I am being stupid and weak. She shivered as she thought back to her ex-boyfriend and what he said when he came home and she hadn't gone to work, and then she wouldn’t ‘have fun’ with him.
“I have a sister and a mother. And it's not like I’ve never had a girlfriend Felicity.” There was a slight laugh in his voice as he said it.
“Oops, did I say that out loud?”
“No, I just read your thoughts” He deadpanned.
“Funny, you’re a FUNNY guy.” The pain came again “Anyway, I thought you would have had maids to deal with that.”
“To be honest, most of the time I didn’t have to do anything with my family. Laurel had them sometimes. Bad cramps and stuff. She would get grumpy and I didn’t want to deal with her so we would argue but she would always ask me to go and get her some tampons. A test, I suppose. To see if I would come back, if I would do something embarrassing for her.”
“Did you?” She asked and, in that moment, as he looked down, his girl in his arms, looking up at him and asking that question, he felt like she was a little girl. He wanted so badly to tell her what she wanted to hear, that he looked after Laurel and would look after her too; but he couldn’t lie to her.
“Come back? Sometimes. Get the things she wanted? Rarely.” He paused, maybe to let her absorb the information. Maybe to think of what to say next. Maybe he just did.
“I understood it was hard for her. I did. Somewhere inside me I felt that it was a bad thing. I only really got what she asked if I had done something wrong before, cheated on her or something. God, I hate saying that. I hate that’s who I used to be.” He finished lamely, his head hanging slightly and his arms sagging fractionally, lowering her and bringing her body closer to his.
“It’s not who you are anymore. This is who you are. I reckon this is who you have always been. You just didn’t know how while being surrounded by the things and people you were. And you knew it was bad. That’s actually good because you know you wouldn’t do that again now. And you regret it, and you can say that.” When he didn’t lighten up, she raised her arm towards his face and gently caressed his cheek and saw as his eyes instantly closed and his face lowered into the curve of her palm perfectly, as if it was made to.
“Oliver Jonas Queen. Look at me. You are amazing. And you are kind and you always have been. I’m sorry that other people couldn’t see that so you didn’t get a chance to show them, but you’ve shown me. I see who you really are.”
He placed her into the passenger seat of her little mini and immediately felt a sharp jolt of pain flash through her stomach and doubled over. Oliver freaked out and practically fell to the car park concrete by her side.
“Just breathe Felicity, just breathe. In and out. In. And out. That’s it look at me, follow me, breathe through it.”
“It’s fine. I’m fine.”
“That’s not fine Felicity. We’re going to the doctors to sort this out.”
She went to argue when he reached over her body to get the seatbelt. She was shocked by his close proximity and suddenly he stopped, seatbelt halfway over her body and he looked at her. His face was mere centimetres in front of his and involuntarily she sighed a sigh of contentment.
He expected her to argue so he reached straight for the seatbelt to drive her anyway. When it didn’t come, he looked at her and found her face mere centimetres in front of his. He was lost in the ocean blue depth of her eyes when he felt her warm breath against his lips. Just as he was about to test the warmth of her lips against his he registered what he was doing and the noise she made.
“Are you ok. Are you in pain? Felicity?”
“NO! No, I’m fine Oliver. I’m... I'm ok.” She suddenly focused at the alarm in his voice and then really registered the reason behind his worry.
“You don’t think I’m being stupid and overreacting?”
He was astounded. He never thought Felicity Smoak stupid, and he certainly never thought that he would ever be smarter than her, but in that moment, he had proof that she definitely said some stupid things.
“You don’t actually think that do you?”
“Its no offence to you. I probably AAAMM. Wooh. That one I did not expect! Oh, I've got used to it now.” He was still there, that concern and tenderness in his eyes. He was just there, on the ground by the side of her tiny car, having belted her into the car and his face was... crumpled? Confused?
“What? Why are you pulling that face? I just.” She sighed, defeated “I want to go home Oliver. Take me home.”
He got up from the ground, closed the door, and clambered into the driver's seat. As his head skimmed the roof of the car, he thought she would laugh a little, make fun of him. He grabbed his seatbelt and as he did it up, he looked at her. She was beautiful. She wasn’t laughing, no, but she had a lazy smile gracing her features, a hint of laughter in her crystal eyes. She would be fine; all she needed now was for him to be the man he never was for Laurel, to be the man that was just there for her.
“Let's get you home.”
The car journey back was comfortable for both of them. Felicity just sat there, her head resting against the window. There was barely any traffic seeing as it was only just mid-afternoon so it was a quick ride. Oliver didn’t really focus on the road because Felicity took up all his focus. He could tell when she was in pain, she would bite her lip to keep from making a noise and grind her hand into a fist. Whenever he saw this happen, he would talk, just talk. She never said anything back, and he knew that, but he somehow felt it helped too.
When they reached her apartment, she expected him to jog back to the foundry and leave her for a couple of hours and then she would come back for arrow work. She was looking forward to a big tub of ice cream, Netflix and hot water bottles. Lots of hot water bottles. She was shook from her reverie when he opened the door, unbuckled her and picked her up again. She went to argue but at that point, did she care?
“Thank you, Oliver. I’m really ok though. I’ll be at the foundry in a couple of hours?”
She stepped through into the apartment, her farewell on her lips when she turned into Oliver’s chest.
“You go onto to bed, its ok. Do you want me to get you anything? Hot water bottle? I know Thea got hers early and always begged for ice cream. You do that anyway, can I get you any?”
Felicity didn’t know what was happening. At all. Oliver had just invited himself into her apartment. He brought her home from work. Because of her period. And now he was in her house. Getting her into bed and bringing her hot water bottles and ice cream. She was utterly confused.
“...Felicity. Earth to Felicity. Are you ok?”
“Do you not think I’m overreacting?”
“Why are you here?! Why aren’t you at work?!”
“I’m in pain. Can you get my AHH!”
“I’ve been at work all day you ungrateful...!”
She felt the sting of tears as he slapped her onto the ground. She tried to get up as another wave of pain racked her small frame.
“Can you just help me?”
“GOD! All day, every day, it’s always Felicity isn’t it? What happened to the days when you would just listen to me?! You’re just overreacting!”
She flinched as she felt the next brutal kick to the stomach even though it never came. All that did come was the puzzled look on Oliver’s face.
“No, I don’t. I never will, I’ve said that. Why are you so determined I would think that?” The puzzle morphed to hurt within a second.
“No, no, no. You’ve got it... I don’t... I...”
“Someone else made you think that didn’t they?” Her face betrayed the answer and the darkness behind it for a split second before a neutral mask slipped over.
He stepped forwards and pulled her into his arms. He would look after her. He would always look after his girl. He couldn’t erase the pain of the past, and he could never stop the pain inside, but he could try and make it a little easier to cope with. One step at a time. And for now, that started with a Doctor Who Marathon, hot water bottles and a ton of ice cream. For now, that would do.