Chapter Text
I, Michael Jones, am in love with Gavin Free. It sounds so simple and so easy when I say it to myself, whether in the confines of my bedroom or while I’m standing in the shower, water running down my back. But is love ever really easy? Love has conquered distances and mended lives, but it’s also brought death and destruction.
Gavin didn’t know how I felt, and frankly neither did the rest of the senior class; Gavin was the big man on campus. Everyone loved his looks, his cheekiness, and his accent only gave him an added bonus he didn’t even need. He didn’t play a sport, but he was just one of those intelligent, people who just gained popularity for the hell of it. He was surrounded with friends everywhere he went, whether it was lunch, a sport event, or the theater (where he spent most of his time.)
I know, I know, it’s extremely cliché to fall in love with an actor, but fuck it, I did. So what’s the problem, you ask? What obstacle is standing in the way of Gavin and I embracing in a passionate lip-lock in front of the whole school and running off into the sunset with “and they lived happily ever after” flashing in some girly font?
I was Michael “the invisible one” Jones, he was Gavin “look at me” Free, and as far as I knew, Gavin was completely straight. So, no embraces, no kisses, no sunsets, and some fuck-wad used Comic Sans instead of script to write “April Fools, dumbass!”
I played video games in my spare time, usually alone, but I did have a fair few (okay, two) friends: Ray and Geoff. They’ve been my boys ever since kindergarten when we first got our Nintendo 64s. I mentioned Mario Party near them and we’ve been inseparable ever since. Okay, I realize I’m not making myself out in a positive light here. I’m pretty smart and I’ve got a knack for fixing things, but other than that, I’m pretty much invisible.
Only my parents, Ray, and Geoff know that I’m gay. I only felt comfortable telling them because I knew they wouldn’t judge me. But then again, how exactly do you come out to a school of over a thousand people? “For morning announcements, I must remind you that the rival football game is this Friday, volunteers are still needed for the park clean up on Saturday, oh and Michael Jones likes men.”
Right.
“Dude, how did you fucking pass me?” Geoff shouted, angrily punching buttons on his Xbox controller. Ray, Geoff, and I were playing some racing game that I downloaded for free earlier and I was hauling ass, leaving damaging items in my wake.
“Maybe I’m just better,” I joked, blowing up Ray’s car in the process.
“Mother fucker!”
“You snooze, you lose, ladies,” I laughed victoriously. My character was doing a dance on the screen, holding the first place trophy. We were recording this video for my Youtube channel, LtMkilla, and I planned on doing a behind the scenes for it as well. I got a fair amount of hits and comments for it, but nothing special.
Geoff threw down his controller and launched himself at me, missing and knocking down Ray instead.
“Hey, I thought I was the one with the anger issues,” I laughed. No, really. I get angry when the coffee maker takes its sweet fucking time to heat up. Therapy helps, but so does yelling.
“Geoff, gerrroff,” Ray mumbled from underneath Geoff’s lanky frame. They wrestled around for a few more minutes while I filmed it, occasionally cutting the camera to my handsome mug and shaking my head, my shoulders shaking from laughter.
“If you girls are done,” I hinted, “I’d like to start editing this video now. Although I think our audience is going to get a kick out of your boxers, Geoff. Is that Pikachu I see?” Geoff blushed scarlet and flipped me off.
“If you must know, Griffon bought them for me and I like them,” he quipped, crossing his arms. I tilted the camera towards my face.
“He’s only saying that because she watches these videos and he doesn’t want to have to buy her flowers or the newest Pokémon game or some shit to make up for his clearly not liking them.” Geoff threw the nearest object (an empty cola can) at my head. “Ow. You just proved my point, Geoff, thank you.”
I switched off the camera and got to work on editing the video while the other two booted up Minecraft. “Don’t blow up my house, fucktards,” I said before putting on my headphones. I worked for five hours to build my house to my standards and I didn’t need all that work undone with dynamite.
“Looks like LegitBrit is in our city working on his house right now,” Ray said, punching a few buttons. We had a mini contest a few weeks ago to let one lucky person who watches our videos and is subscribed to our channel join our city and play Minecraft with us. He doesn’t join when we film, but it’s neat to just know that there’s someone outside of our usual circle playing as well. “He’s really going overboard with the gold, holy shit.”
I swiveled around in my seat, careful not to unplug my headphones, and saw that his house was made out of stone but had gold and obsidian towers all around his multi-level house. He even had one for a sort of chimney. “Think he’s compensating for something?”
“Maybe. I like it. Hey, wait. He’s got a sign above one. ‘Tower of Pimps.’” The room was so quiet that I could hear my mom downstairs on the phone, arguing with my father over the phone. “What the hell kind of name is that?” Ray laughed. Geoff started laughing uncontrollably, falling out of his seat. He had one of those laughs that was ridiculous but contagious at the same time.
I turned around and worked on editing again. “It makes him sound like some sort of pretentious douche bag,” I declared. “We all know that there’s only room for one pretentious douche bag around here and that’s—“
“Gavin,” Geoff and Ray said simultaneously. My heart fluttered and my stomach did cartwheels at the sound of his name. I turned around so quickly my headphones were jerked from the outlet. They both jumped at my sudden movement.
“Why do you say that? Gavin’s a nice guy,” I argued, irritated at both of them. They exchanged looks.
“You’re so caught up in your feelings for the guy that you don’t even realize what an ass he is to everybody, us included. He pushed me down the other day because I was standing too close to him,” Geoff scoffed. “He calls Ray terrible names, calls him a pussy, a tosser, and a shit ton more names that I won’t even mention. You know what the worst part is? His opinion on gays is atrocious. He makes demeaning jokes about them in front of the openly gay students. Don’t tell me you’ve never heard them, because Iknow you have.”
I was shaking. My hands were quivering violently; I got up quickly and ran to the bathroom, placing myself in front of the mirror. My brown eyes were unusually vibrant and alive, my auburn hair still wild on my head. My face was flushed – from anger, embarrassment, or a combination, I have no idea – and my heart beat a million miles an hour.
Geoff was right. I was deluding myself into ever thinking Gavin would like me back. But that’s the thing about love.
As much as it pains you to face the truth, love keeps a permanent spark of hope deep in your heart, no matter how much that fucker hurts.