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He doesn’t know you know.
You watch him from where you’re perched on the counter as he bustles around your small kitchen of your shared apartment making an early dinner for you both. It’s Friday which means neither one of you work and so it’s an early evening all to yourselves that generally leads into something more near the night but the excitement that normally would be clinging to you by now was ash. Disintegrated.
Nonexistent.
He’s oblivious to your heavy gaze and humming to himself, completely unaware that you’ve discovered his dark dirty little secret and you wonder if he even feels guilt. You wonder if it’s all just a show and that he’s just hiding the weight of guilt crushing on his chest. He finally makes eye contact with you and you see something quick flicker in them, something akin to sadness, before it vanishes, replaced with a gentle smile given to you and walks over.
You allow him entry between your dangling legs, you don’t push his hands off your waist, you let him tuck himself against you, cold nose bumping into your neck. But you can’t help but wonder if they received this soft treatment as well, if he pressed up against them close like he is to you now. You wonder who he thinks smells better, you or them?
“Baby.” he speaks softly against your skin and a rush of jealousy and rage surges through you because you wonder if they were called baby, too. The pet name was reserved for you always, only you, at least that’s what you thought. Now, not so much. Are you really that special? Because right now, you don’t feel it.
You feel empty.
Hurt.
Angry.
Sadness.
And pathetic because you have the text messages sent from the secret lover memorized. They flash through your mind mockingly.
I had a great time last night.
Miss you, xx
Come over tonight?
Thinking of you right now, need you so bad
The messages stem from over two months ago and you feel so so lost and conflicted because you’ve been together with him for so long and never once thought to imagine he’d put you in such an awful situation. You love him, you would do anything for him and yet he went behind your back seeing someone else, kissing them and fucking them, and now nothing makes sense anymore.
He cheated.
He cheated on you. Is still cheating on you and something dark seizes your heart, tears into you like a disease because he’s holding you like you’re the only lover of his, caressing you with his hands he used to touch another and you want to push him away.
But you don’t. You don’t stop him either when he tips your chin up and your eyes meet his dark ones swimming with smoldering emotions. You’re unaware of the silent tears staining your cheeks until he starts brushing them away gently. His touch is so familiar and comforting. It was always just for you. You thought it would always be just for you. His hands on you, his fingers exploring inside of you, his soft strokes and tender touches, they were only supposed to be for you.
Emotions take over you and you close the distance keeping you both separated without much thought. Your lips clasp together softly, fitting like two puzzle pieces and you close your eyes waiting for the comforting sensation that always followed whenever you kissed. The warmth, the tingle, the natural desire.
But there’s nothing.
He doesn’t return your kiss.
It’s cold, it’s a stranger.
Empty.
But what hurts the most is that he waits for you to pull away first. And when you do, you refuse to look up at him, too scared to see that you’ve lost him. You slide down from the counter without a word and brush past him.
He leaves you a week later.