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Day 0
Mom calls him six times before he checks his pear phone. Dad sends one message telling him to call his mother and to get home, asap. Finally he has two missed calls from Robbie.
Later, he cries softly into Jade’s tangled, matted hair while she sleeps, because he knows what this means, has been expecting it for a while now even if he wasn’t aware of that when he finally called them back. But now, he picks up his phone and dials Mom, stroking soft but absent-minded circles on Jade’s pale shoulder.
Day 3
His grandfather died, the one who tucked him into bed on weekends, who cuddled him to sleep and who lived long enough and was sane long enough to love Jade just a little bit– when he’s finally buried Beck refused to cry.
Not because it didn’t tear him apart, not because his heart was at peace with his grandfather being gone. He refused to cry because he’d lost his grandfather a long time ago.
Like when he was twelve and Gramps first asked him who he was without that teasing lilt to his voice.
Or on Beck’s fifteenth birthday when Gramps got lost and wasn’t found for another four hours, at the bus station attempting to buy a ticket back to the place he called home years ago.
Or when he was sixteen and halfway through a long, drawn out conversation that uses much of his patience his grandfather forgets how to breathe for the fifth time that past week and Beck realised abruptly that Gramps was dying...
In the bad times there are sprinkles of good memories with Gramps of course, but he’d long ago accepted the rarity of those moments. He took the good in with the bad and moved on and with that he is fine.
(until he isn’t)
Day 9
Beck’s head is tucked into Robbie’s thigh, eyes trained on the third musical of the night, Legally Blonde. The song There! Right There! plays. Robbie’s foot tapping to the familiar beat.
Musicals having never been his thing, Beck zones out in blinks. Mind wandering over to the eerily silent Rex first, before dismissing Rex for Jade, who had been keeping her own slight distance. Jade didn’t know Gramps as well as Robbie did and for all she loved him and he her, Jade couldn’t deal with the morose flood of emotion. Sure, he didn’t cry or sulk, but he’d been more silent and spaced out as of late. More overtly affectionate with Jade, showering her in soft kisses. He thinks of Jade and how much he misses her, when she wasn’t treating him like a ticking time bomb set to explode.
(except maybe she’s right)
((because of course she’s right she’s jade))
And speaking of miss he realises with a hollow thud that he misses Gramps.
And it’s selfish because he doesn’t miss the shell who laughed to avoid answering questions he doesn’t hear. He doesn’t miss the panic of having to calm Gramps down after a bad episode. It’s selfish because he doesn’t miss the person who died.
He misses the Gramps who he confessed everything to. The Gramps who convinced him to act as the Beast for the community centre’s play when he was nine. Who laughingly told him to kiss the breath out of Ava Livingstone, his fourth grade crush. The one who sang dirty songs and drank a glass of bourbon every night after grandma died back when Beck was five, right up until Beck was eleven and things began being tough. He misses the Gramps who would argue with Robbie’s Memaw every time she picked Robbie up, arguments about the most inane little things.
Beck misses with a fierce ache, the Gramps who he told everything to, the Gramps who knew everything about him.
Then the song from the show hits him and Gramps knew everything.
Except.
He pauses.
Except Gramps died without knowing everything, Beck thinks sitting up slowly.
Robbie spares him a glance, but says nothing, scooting a little bit closer so their thighs touch but attention still wrapped up in the clear recording Jade had managed to score them. Robbie spares him a glance but he can’t see that Beck is fucking breaking down because Gramps knew everything except.
Except...
“I like boys!” He blurts without care.
Things pause, like the show under Robbie’s surprised flicking of the remote.
Like Beck’s ability to say something. Anything coherent.
It’s silent. Too silent for them.
“Oh.” Robbie says.
“I like girls too but I like boys.” He murmurs face suddenly flushed because this was his except.
This was the one thing Gramps died not knowing and he doesn’t want to stay in the closet any longer. He feels like people only know half of who he is because of this big fat lie of omission and. And he can’t cope with knowing someone else might die only knowing half of him and–
“Umm...Nice.”
Day 10
The next morning Beck drives to Jades, kisses her senseless on her too large bed before declaring with the utmost certainty “I’m bisexual.”
She pauses, leans back, looks at him through thick black lashes.
In that one look he remembers why this secret had been folded, wrapped and pressed beneath his tongue for nearing on five years from her specifically. Because it had unfolded bit by bit for Robbie. Jokes about handsome guys, passing comments on hotness, the abrupt fascination for all things Green Day and Ezra Miller. Unfolded bit by bit for the knucklehead who wouldn’t really mind, but had stayed wrapped up, sealed entirely from Jade. And Jade’s jealousy can be fun when he’s pressing lightly, but she burns wildly. To increase the amount of people she’d feel insecure around is a bad, bad idea but the confession has already left his mouth.
Too late, he wants to say ‘I think,’ to lessen the impact, but then he thinks of his Gramps dying without knowing truthfully who Beck is and the impact doesn’t matter because this is his truth.
“But you love me, right? Just me?” It comes out like a demand, but in the way she grips her sleeves Beck knows it’s more plea than demand.
“I love you more than anyone else Jade,” he replies in earnest.
She kisses the rest of any response out of him and he feels whole in knowing that two of his most important people knew this about him.
Day 12
His parents let the very casual declaration of, “I’m bisexual,” just skate pass.
Mom takes a fleeting glance at him over the haze of some drink she’s had, but snorts before glancing up at the TV and Dad kinda waves his hands over piles of paperwork like get away I don’t care.
Neither had taken Gramps death as well as he did.
Dad had forms to sign and insurance to cash and Mom had a father and best friend to grieve. But he thinks fiddling with his phone in his RV late that night, that it feels better to be truthful and moving forward then whatever it is his parents were doing.
Day 15
For a short while, he had contemplated just putting up a status and letting it be known. But then there’s his friends who don't know and well he’s not an ass. So, at school when everyone’s at lunch and Jade is to his side, fingers twisting with his own fingers, arm around her shoulder, he takes a look, takes a breath and smiles.
“So I don’t mean to interrupt your story Cat but...Thought I should let you guys know, I’m bi. Like bisexual bi.”
Not a second passes before all eyes on the table widen, Trina mouth open and salad falling from it, wide smile in place. Tori hands over mouth, Andre paused like he wanted to say something but couldn’t. Jade looks at him with the same fire as Robbie, as if they both couldn’t quite comprehend him admitting it in front of everyone.
Cat looks like she’s so excited her brain can’t quite keep up and half of her moves over to half pounce so she could cuddle him, but the other half of her is punching the air and it finishes with both of them nearly on the ground, Cat congratulating him with a breezy laugh.
“Hey man, that’s cool, thanks for telling us,” Andre replies when Cat’s shifted, giving him a brief hug.
“Oh my god Beck that’s great!” Tori acts, moving to hug him too, but Jade moves her boot so Tori couldn’t even step near him.
Her hands squeeze his so viciously he nearly winces, but instead he rubs out her frustration slowly but surely.
“Yes my boyfriend is the best, but no that does not mean you guys can just barge over and hug him like that!”
The group roll their eyes but say nothing of it, gradually moving back to more casual conversations.
Day 16
Trina surprises him, pressing something into his hands like a dirty secret when home room’s started but he’s still hasn’t left the hallway, having waited for Jade who had only just texted him about her absence for the day.
“I never had the guts to use it, so you may as well,” Trina says nervously, fingers fiddling with her top button, before giving him a small smile.
He opens his palms, turning the pin face up, when his eyes widen as the implication hits him.
It’s the colours of bisexuality pride, he knows.
The pin is small, in stark white letters it says Not A Phase between the gradients of blue to purple and purple to pink and he loves it already.
“Trina,” he starts but can’t quite finish.
“Yeah...” she murmurs awkwardly before backing away.
He takes his bag, plain, dark green in shade and pins it there. He loves it.
Day 17
60+ New Fan Request
Beck Oliver updated his display photo
‘Feeling free.
Thanks @Trina Vega for buying me the sick pin’
Slapped by Jade West, Robbie Shapiro, Rex Powers, Andre Harris and 244 others
Tori Vega and 110 people commented.
Day 17
Beck thinks, lying alone in bed after a group outing, that he feels somehow whole.
Part of him is still dull and the hurt fresh, mourning for his Gramps who hadn’t been for a long time. It always lingers even when he’s happy, but today he feels free. Family members had texted and freaked out about his coming out, but fuck it feels good.
He’d been right about Jade being insecure about everyone she doesn’t implicitly trust, but he tells her I love you more in the few short weeks since he told her about being bi then he has since they had just entered the puppy-love stage.
Jade is angry at everyone, but late at night she grips him tightly, marking him as hers and he loves the feeling of being just Beck, no secrets tightly wound under his tongue.
Day 20
Jade dumps him.
There’s no real explanation, just her kissing him while saying ‘I can’t do this anymore’ and him not knowing what the hell ‘this’ means. He tries to keep her, burying his head in the crook of her shoulders but she keeps saying I can’t Beck and he keeps not saying anything.
An hour later Robbie comes over with Sushi and sodas and a hesitant, “Jade asked me to come see you.”
Beck just shakes his head as Robbie puts the Sushi on a bench, walking over until the bed dips with his weight, him and Rex both silent, looking nowhere with him.
They sit back against the wall for a while, until Beck finally says “I think it’s for good this time,” because there had been something so final in the I love you’s they shared.
Robbie says nothing because this is the first time that Jade has ever specifically asked him to check up on Beck. Not her mentioning their break up on The Slap or uploading some weird video detailing whatever emotion she had. This wasn’t Cat telling him that Jade was angry. This was Jade texting him to visit Beck and that oddity seems like the final nail in the coffin. Like she couldn’t think of any other way to help him, even though Jade was Beck’s number 1.
Robbie stays silent, laying with Beck, letting his arm rest pressed against Beck’s and the sheer normalcy of it has Beck breathless with gratitude.
Day 21
She doesn’t answer his calls.
Day 22
73+ New Fan Request
Beck Oliver updated his status
“Wanting some cake”-Feeling meh.
Slapped by 40 others
Robbie Shapiro and 3 others commented
Day 22
Her brother rides over with his stuff later that night. Jackets, shoes, socks, leather bangles stuffed into one of his old sports bag, one he’d left there so he could always pack for random road trips. Throughout the past two more serious years of their relationship, that bag had only ever been given to him in the minutes before or after a trip. She has never done this before, always holding onto his things to the very end.
He holds a key ring he’d gotten her close to his face, just staring. It stares back with button eyes.
Beck doesn’t cry, because he doesn’t cry ever but he looks at it feeling an amalgamation of angerhurtpain threaten to spill over.
Day 23
It’s the first day back at school since they broke up. He walks to lunch thinking, something. Maybe she’ll be there.
But she isn’t.
Cat comes to lunch with a burrito, saying in that naturally ecstatic voice of hers “Jade’s doing a project with Jason Batello, so she won’t be coming to lunch.”
Andre gives him a long stare like he wants to say something, before getting up and patting his shoulder while he leaves.
Rex pipes up, “Nobody cares,” and they move on.
Beck pretends he doesn’t search for her, Robbie pretends he isn’t watching.
Day 23
Robbie and Rex drag him to a party in Northridge.
He dances with a few girls, but they’re all very plastic. They laugh hollowly and move with a strut akin to Barbie, as if they can’t quite manage to move their bodies normally. A few girls dance with Robbie, more flirt with Rex for whatever weird reason they have. Then, a guy pops up.
From the get go, he’s obviously Northridge. Beck can spot the smile instantly, but it seems less sleazy and more endearing, he has green eyes that seem to glow and when he winks at Beck from across the room, Beck nearly flinches. But he remembers being out of the proverbial closet and single almost as quickly as he’d forgotten, so he too raises a hesitant brow, throwing a quick grin.
It’s not too long before he’s somehow in a pale-tan tangle of long limbs, a hand he doesn’t appreciate or object to gripping firmly at his butt and Jadejadejade somewhere far off from his mind, replaced by thick lips, lean arms, short soft hair and the bitter taste of alcohol kissed against his chapped mouth.
Day 24
He drives to Gramps' grave, not stopping to pick up any hitchhikers or waving girls. Andre’s Song 2 U is playing on repeat and his knuckles are white by the time he gets to the cemetery.
After one minute of total silence in the car, Beck revs his engine prepared to bolt until he finds words stuck in his mouth. Jumping from the car, Beck stumbles barely breathing to his grandparents plots. It’s a silent affair as he sits at the freshly decorated flower grave. Gramps isn’t here so his confession is only to the wind, but the sun is warm against his back and the grass is lush against his fingertips.
“Hey Gramps, I kissed a guy last night. Was kinda weird, but good weird…..”
Day 25
Nick ends up at his house again, wearing too tight jeans, baggy singlets and striped hoodies.
In him, Beck forgets Jade because Nick isn’t boring. He is complicated.
(he is fucked up and scared and in denial and beck uses him, uses all of him, because he is hurt)
((he can’t find it in himself to feel guilty either))
Nick wants secrecy in the mornings, when he can no longer blame the bottles of alcohol for his decisions. They stick to their houses for long, drawn out make-out sessions. They don’t date. It’s complicated.
Most importantly, Beck doesn’t love Nick. Doesn’t even know him well enough to like him. All he knows is bruising kisses, rough, calloused fingers dug into the crevices of hollow hips, the sensation of laying against someone just as strong as he.
Day 37
90+ New Fan Request
Beck Oliver updated his status
“Kinda over this tbh.”-Feeling Angry
Slapped by 75 others
Tori Vega and 14 others commented.
Day 38
“I’m calling the police,” is the first thing out of Robbie’s mouth the second he lays eyes on him.
“Hey man, cool down, I’m okay,” Beck insists, leaning over to grab the phone Robbie had pulled out of his pocket.
“Cool down? Beck he beat you up! I will not cool down, I am hot right now! Very, very hot!”
“To who?” Rex cuts in after Robbie’s abrupt and dramatic outburst.
Beck tucks the phone in his pocket, an easy going grin on his face.
“Calm down Robbie, I’m fine. It’s an itty bitty bruise see, I’m good. No need for cops, just need you to calm down.”
Robbie practically froths at the mouth, arms flailing wildly as he attempts to articulate how ridiculous he finds that. Upon finding no words, he glares, a spark in his eye.
“Fine no cops–”
Beck smiles smoothly, only for it to fall a second later.
“But I am calling Tori.”
“What- no–Rob–”
He can’t even give a proper argument before Robbie is holding Beck’s phone, that he had obviously spotted on the bench, a smug look on his face.
Robbie has the phone unlocked and Tori’s name dialled in record time.
“‘Sup Beck?”
“Hey Tori, it’s Robbie. Beck and I were planning to have a movie marathon, did you want to come?”
Beck hopes she doesn’t, because she would blow this way out of proportion and– “Yeah sounds cool, I’ll bring some snacks. Meet in twenty?”
“Twenty it is,” Robbie confirms, grin in place as he presses the giant red end call on his screen.
All Beck can do is sigh.
Tori comes over with a bright smile, a bottle of soda, candy packets and chocolate. Robbie leads her in with an almost smug glance at Beck, whose whole form crumbles the second Tori’s face falls.
“Beck what– Robbie how could– Beck,” she complains unsure of where to direct her annoyance.
“It’s nothing Tor, I got into a fight, Robbie wouldn’t stop heckling me so we invited you over.”
Tori’s brows furrow, but she just sits next to him, leaning her head on his shoulder, “Anyone I need to hit real bad?”
He chuckles softly, pressing start on his computer, eyes flickering to the screen.
“Nah I’m good, just maybe keep me from Northridge boys for a while,” he admits with a crooked grin.
Robbie sighs, but not in a dramatic way, more like a ‘finally he said something’ way. He sits behind them, before long it’s Robbie against his head board, Beck between his legs with all the snacks on him and Tori laying against both their thighs, attention rapt on the television.
Day 38
0 New Fan Request
Robbie Shapiro added a new photo
‘Apparently I’m a pillow ¯\_(ツ)_/¯’
Trina Vega, Cat Valentine and 4 others slapped this.
Sinjin Van Cleef and Beck Oliver commented.
Day 44
Robbie’s just there, always. Which isn’t exactly new, but in a way it is as well. Robbie’s been his best friend since they were eight and were the only two boys at the Community Centre’s theatre class. He’s always been there except for when they were fifteen and Jade mentioned to Beck how maybe Robbie spent too much time with him.
It’s weird having his best friend back, mostly because Beck hadn’t realised how much of Robbie he’d lost. Robbie still has the same Burger Burger order, except he apparently drinks Diet Coke instead of Zero and he has no problem making his own order, so Beck doesn’t have to make both their orders anymore. And he doesn’t read as much, despite their being a time where a book was in Robbie’s arm more often than Rex. Plus now Robbie plays guitar really fucking well, like before he used to need one of those claw things that held the strings down for you but now he can strum and tune a guitar with no other odd gadget helping him out. He’d missed so much of Robbie in two years and looking down, Beck wonders if he had missed more than could be bridged.
Robbie’s never had a problem sharing his Pear Pad with Beck, it takes him about three guesses to get the password right, six selfies and two songs before he finally opens up the internet browser. He’s gonna go to The Slap’s dot com site, because Robbie’s logged into the app and it’s easier to do this than face a complaining Robbie. Except of course, the first thing to pop up is porn, which honestly isn’t that surprising. Robbie’s a porn guy, has been since he was a curious thirteen year old with the whole world at his fingertips. What is surprising, is the type of porn. It’s gay porn and Beck’s breath hitches slightly because, since when was Robbie watching gay porn? And why?
There’s an obvious solution there, but his palms are getting a little clammy at the thought because Robbie would tell Beck if he thought like that, right? Robbie would know that Beck would be accepting, right? And since when does Robbie ever keep secrets, or his own at least? Robbie’s always told Beck everything, even stupid shit like what his underwear feels like or if he forgot to date an essay or how he tripped at Walmart and had to pay for three egg cartons he broke. Robbie doesn’t do secrets, does he?
Before he can freak out more– because is he a fucking terrible friend if Robbie doesn’t tell him shit?– Robbie walks in, sees Beck’s white face and blushes red.
“Oh god the porn’s still there isn’t it…”
Beck stutters, for real tripping over his words stutters, he wants to deny it because Robbie is red as a tomato and admitting it felt weird– like he was forcing Robbie to talk about it.
“Don’t– Look it’s fine. I’ve been… I don’t know, since things with Cat kinda chilled and we stopped being a thing I’ve thought. You know. I’m just curious. We don’t need to talk or anything.”
Beck stays silent, looking at the screen before lowering it to his lap. The silence is awkward, but he needs a second to gather what he wants to say, because he needs to say something.
“We don’t need to talk,” he agrees lightly, “, but if you want to. I’m here. Always.”
Grinning Robbie jumps on the bed next to him, elbowing him lightly in the process, before exiting out of the internet browser. They watch shitty videos for the next hour, bantering lightly.
Day 46
“I’m like...Super gay,” Robbie says in middle of a rom-com marathon. Beck looks up at Robbi in that moment, meeting the nonchalant gaze curiously. When all he receive in answer is a fond smile, Beck looks back to the TV screen and mentally agrees. Liam Hemsworth is looking fucking gorgeous, eyes smouldering. Beck physically nods because he too, is super gay for those eyes and that perfect mouth.
“Cool. Wanna talk about it?”
“Nope,” the p is popped out and prominent, boredom evident in Robbie’s voice.
Shrugging, he grabs a handful of popcorn from Tori’s lap. She’s gaping, eyes wide in disbelief.
“That’s it? ‘Wanna talk?’ ‘Nope’ No reassurance, no questioning, nothing about Cat or Trina or Rex being super, disgustingly straight?” Tori’s impression of them is stunningly bad for someone with such good theatre grades.
Scoffing Beck turns to Robbie, who has the almost exact eye-roll as him going on.
“We’ll talk when we talk,” Beck exclaims.
“So butt out Vega,” Rex demands, soda can held between his thighs, “Also I’m not disgustingly straight, everything about Rexxy is perfect,” he sniffs out with indignation.
Day 51
They’re finally reading his grandfather’s will today. Mom makes them breakfast, thin, cheesy omelettes with onions, spinach and ham. The omelettes are nice and Dad jokes at breakfast and Mom’s actually smiling and Beck wonders if maybe things are finally getting better.
Mom cries when she finds out the home they have in Canada is legally hers, his Uncle Barbara makes a joke when he gets the barely used Chevrolet Camaro that’s been in the garage for two years; his eyes are watery when Dad hands him the keys. Aunt Kim and Aunt Lia throw some half-hearted jokes about finally sailing to Hawaii when the family boats are revealed to have been in their name since Gran passed away and his cousins give fake complaints when the Gibson that Gramps got in 2004 is given to Beck, but overall it’s a nice affair.
That night, when Uncle Barbara comes over to actually pick the car up, he hands Beck a slim black guitar case with care. Aunt Kim kisses the hand she’s been holding when he opens the case and ugly cries while looking at the familiar, shiny black and white guitar.
Robbie opens the door to a red eyed Beck at ten pm, and at Beck’s request strums the chords to A Sweet Young Dame.
“A sweet young dame claimed my heart you see, hope she never gives it back to me. A sweet young dame named Lila helpfully, made this poor young fool see the world for what it could always be. And I pity the fool who led her to me. My sweet young dame claimed my heart you see, and I pity the fool who tries to steal her from me.”
Robbie’s voice is pitchy and he shifts his notes too high on occasion but his fingers keep strumming well into the night and humming alongside him. Beck remembers being four at his grandfather’s knees. Remembers the low vibrato of his grandfather’s voice. It’s a good day. (and the hurt he’s felt overwhelm him for the last few weeks–– months. suddenly it feels small and healed.)
Day 52
Robbie being around doesn’t become a problem again until his parents and memaw are out celebrating the Shapiros silver anniversary. Rex, in a show of no common sense had declared a party, but Beck knowing the amount of Northridgers partial to any Rex-verified event had stolen Rex’s mobile device and instead invited his and Robbie’s friends.
Everyone arrived within the next hour, Jade and Cat bringing an unnecessary amount of sweet snacks and alcohol. Oddly enough Sam Puckett makes an appearance, with a beefy man carrying a casserole dish that Beck leaves on the kitchen counter. Andre arrived thereafter with his laptop, a mini DJ mixer and his speaker system. Sinjin and his sister arrived with plastic cutlery, plates and cups and a beer pong set that Beck quickly gave to Jade to replace with a set he knew she had brought that was more trustworthy. Tori and Trina arrived with more cups, in a dark blue shade instead of red, and about four bottles of juice because ‘what catholic Latina with a cop father would drink, Beck?’ Tori per usual, brought an unholy amount of savory snacks ranging from tortilla chips and guac, to large bags of pretzels, crackers and three tubs of dip. Considering what she brought to their almost constant movie marathons, it was pretty tame for how many people were here. Trina in typical Trina fashion hauled nothing but her car keys with her, though her boyfriend jeans, off shoulder top and cardigan outfit was a particular underdressed sort of statement.
After that a few more people appeared, friends of friends really. Robbie’s already triple locked anything of value, so it’s fun. No one gets disgustingly drunk, mostly because Jade’s being an absolute tyrant and confiscating drinks from people who have already breached the drunk stage. But because Jade’s Jade, and Beck’s Beck, she avoids him like a fucking plague. Which even after nearly two months, fucking hurts.
So when Cat passes him a bottle of hot stuff, a big bottle of the sort he never used to drink because he’s always been designated driver, Beck drinks it. Practically inhales it, face perpetually screwed up as the liquid courses down his throat.
He’s about a quarters of the way down the bottle when he sees Robbie.
Robbie’s talking to Sinjin, Rex disinterested in their conversation to the side. Through the oncoming haze, Beck stumbles over and says nothing, merely booping Robbie’s cheek as Sinjin watches him with beady eyes.
“I’m just saying that there’s more to theatre than the spotlight man, and I know you’re good with effects, I’ve seen it,” Sinjin claims.
Beck grins at him stupidly, head against Robbie’s shoulder, feeling light. Breezy. Like a gust of wind could sweep him all the way to Canada and it’d be fine.
“C’mon ‘Jin, I’m understudy for Leo in the next play, if I help behind the scenes I won’t have a chance to be lead like– ever.”
Beck wants to say not true, and no poaching, but Robbie’s curls are fun to play with and he just wants to dance, so without prompting he interrupts the conversation.
“Rob, ‘wanna dance,” it’s a statement, not a question.
Rob shakes him off, trying to pay attention to the conversation but Beck wants to dance and Andre’s playing that song he wrote for the mystery crush he had a bit back and it’s such a good song. Without thinking Beck grabs Robbie’s cheek until he faces him, their noses nearly brushing. He breathes out slowly, going to ask Robbie to dance but suddenly Robbie’s gaze burns and his face turns scarlet at the proximity.
“Rob, dance with me,” his voice has just enough edge of begging for it to seem less petulant desire and more sincere hope.
Rob rolls his eyes, forces Rex on a protesting Sinjin and moves with him. Beck’s not a really good dancer to be honest, so mostly he moves with his arms in the air. Robbie’s a better dancer than him, but barely, he stumbles mostly, shimmying like it’s not 2014. Like Step Up and Stomp The Yard never happened, instead Robbie dances like a drunk character off those stupid, sad rom-coms like Bridget Jones’ Diary. Though Beck knows Robbie doesn’t drink, ever.
Sometime while they’re lost in the swaying, grinding throng of people, someone bumps into Beck and when he falls forward, Robbie steadies him with his hands against his waist. Beck feels him slide one hand off when he’s able to stand properly, but he swiftly places his hands over Robbie’s. He’s a touchy guy and his brain has long since stopped telling him that dancing with guys is a scary secret, one he needs to hide. His brain has also decided that Robbie’s touch is too good a burn to lose. Confident that Robbie won’t try to dislodge his grip on Beck’s waist again, Beck smiles and sways drunkenly with his best friend once again.
Suddenly Tori comes up to the stage, taking up a spare mic and her and Andre are belting Song 2 U. Beck startles slightly, no longer hazy because this stupid song always reminds him of Jade and when she still loved him. But before he could lose himself in feeling bad, Robbie shifts his arm to tightly grip him around one waist and rocks with him gently. With a comforting sort of intent, he rubs soft circles into Beck’s side while they face the makeshift table stage Andre and Sam’s friend had made. Blinking at Robbie slowly, Beck allows a soft smile to spread across his face as he leans into the shorter, leaner teen.
Robbie’s not as strong as he, nor muscular with a smoldering glare but looking at him right now, Beck wonders if he ever stood a chance at not falling in love.
The realisation isn’t a drunken one, nor startling and sudden. Instead it’s warm. It’s waking up to a nice day with no help but the gentle glow of the sun, a slow but gratifying process.
Day 52
Robbie tucks him into bed at two am, annoyed but fond.
Beck, clingy and drunk pulls Robbie into a sloppy kiss, tongue and all. He makes no move to reply to the kiss, merely pulling back enough to fully tuck Beck in. Before he can leave, no doubt to help the rest of their sober friends clean the house, Beck pouts with his lips puckering for one last kiss.
Robbie gives him a dubious look, trying to pull away. When that doesn’t work, he sighs and leans in for a quick peck. Smiling stupidly against his best friends mouth, Beck pulls away with a loud smack of his lips.
Satisfied Beck ends the night with a holler of “Love you Rob.”
To which Robbie says into the dark of his room, “Love you too Beck.”
Day 53
Hangovers suck and so does Trina, for taking Rob out to lunch without asking Beck.
Beck spends the morning with a nasty Sam Puckett trying to force several different liquids down his throat calling them hangover cures gleefully, Cat desperately trying to look for her phone for about three hours before finding it in her damn bra and Jade being obnoxiously absent.
Tori is the only one who doesn’t suck, making them all breakfast and forcing everyone to air the house and shower so the smell of drunk people won’t linger.
Robbie also doesn’t suck, because despite disappearing for half the day, he buys Beck a fruit salad and a large blue Gatorade.
Day 54
His grandfather’s flowers are a little wilted now, not properly watered by anyone, but new small tokens adorn the sides of his grandparents headstones. Little glass flowers and pinwheels and an empty bottle of bourbon faced neck down into the dirt, with a shot glass next to it. He pulls a packet of M&Ms from his pocket and lays down a succulent plant. The M&Ms he leaves next to their photos while he sits before them.
“Hey Gramps, I kissed my best friend last night. I think I love him in a big way… You remember Rob, right? Don’t know if you’d have approved but I know you liked him. He’s really important to me and I don’t know what to you know, do now. I don’t know if he likes me or if he wanted to kiss me, I’m kind of freaking out…”
Day 55
Robbie tells him before class that he can’t come over to study in the library at lunch, so for the first time in nearly three weeks he eats lunch with Tori. Trina’s there, so is Cat and who knows why Sam Puckett’s at school with them or how they know each other, but she sits between Cat and Trina. Jade and Andre are absent, but he knows they’ve got a Digi-art project due soon so he’s not too surprised.
Instead he looks at the hole where Robbie should be sittings and wonders for the first time in the whole nine years he’s known Robbie, if maybe his best friend was avoiding him.
Day 56
Beck goes to the library to wait for Robbie and instead sees Andre. Before he can call out to Andre though, he spots Jade doing the improbable. Jade’s laughing and that’s not the big deal, Jade’s not heartless of course she’s capable of laughter, but she hides it. Hands over her mouth, face buried in someone’s shoulder, lips sewed tight so no one could hear the moment where her hitching breath becomes a goofy snort.
She’s not hiding anything, as if it’s just her and Beck in the confines of her room watching some shitty B-Grade horror with D-Grade special effects. Except they’re not in her bedroom and she can’t see Beck, barely registers anyone as she glances at Andre with so much affection in the gaze.
Jade and Andre aren’t kissing, but the look in their eyes is so deep. So intense, Beck wonders how he could have ever missed it. Wonders when something like this could have happened and why he never thought to push it to happen because he loves Jade and he knows she loves him. Or loved maybe. He knows this and would never change their past, but he’s never seen her so visibly happy with anyone. Never seen Andre so focused before, he’s always liked girls in passing, liked the idea of them but never been invested. Never looked at them like this. Like if Jade asked him to never sing, never play a single instrument ever again he would. As if Jade was the perfect song Andre had always dreamt of composing.
Instead of feeling hollow at this realisation, a content smile works its way onto his face and suddenly Beck needs to find Robbie because he’s never been prouder of Jade and never wanted so badly to share this sort of pride before right now.
In the end Robbie’s not anywhere to be found so he just messages him.
Beck
We need to talk.
I think Jade’s in love with someone!1!1!1!!!1!
Day 56
Robbie turns up that night with, comfort food? His favourite carton of sea salt caramel ice cream, a bag of Thai Sweet Chilli Doritos, a Burger Burger bag and a Nozu Boba cup holder with two drinks in it.
“Wow Robbie what’s up? Is something wrong with Rex?” It’s the most logical assumption because Rex isn’t with Robbie.
Taking in Beck’s casual stance, bored face and completely unruffled appearance, Robbie stomps past to dump everything on Beck’s coffee table, right next to his homework. Grabbing the towel around his shoulder, Beck dries his hair but keeps a steady eye on the food in the case that it spills on his work. He’d spent three hours on those stupid answers.
“What? Rex is fine, he didn’t want to leave the car. How about you? I got your text but. You….You seem fine?”
“My text...Oh right, Jade!” Beck smiles brightly at Robbie while Rob takes a seat on his bed, sipping gingerly at his own boba drink.
“So I was at the library today and— Well it sounds a bit stupid now, but I saw Jade and she was laughing. And talking, like an actual conversation with someone I was so shocked! And just seeing her I know she really likes him and isn’t that great? She’s so happy Rob it’s so good!”
Robbie very quickly and very visibly becomes angry.
“Good for her? Jade breaks your heart and then she– And you say good for her!? What the heck Beck, why are you so calm about this I’m pissed! Happy?!? She doesn’t deserve that, you do, what the heck!”
Chuckling, Beck bumps Robbie down from where he had shot up, until Robbie is firmly planted on the bed. With the amused grin still covering his face, Beck jumps next to Robbie, turning with his face nuzzling into Robbie’s chest.
“I am happy you goof, I’m happy with you and I’m glad she’s happy. Even if I’m not the reason anymore.”
Relaxing at the declaration, Robbie turns towards him slightly, nose buried in Beck’s soft and most importantly freshly washed and dried hair. Gingerly, his arm shifts until Beck is all but lying atop of Robbie, locked in a tight embrace.
Day 57
70+ New Fan Request
Jade West updated her status
“I feel like someone bought me the original scissors from the 1983 classic Slice: The Scissor’s Story.”– is feeling so good I could kill someone a thing???
Rex Powers, Tori Vega, Sam Puckett and 76 people slapped this.
Cat Valentine, Andre Harris and 4 others commented.
Cat Valentine’s comment: You scare me…. but I love u <3333 (14 slaps)
Beck Oliver: Only you would Jade (Click Enter to Post) (x)
Day 58
“Robbie told me you think you know about me and Andre meeting up,” Jade says from his bed.
He could ask how she got in, or why she’s finally decided to have a real conversation with him, but something she says feels very much like a lie.
“You let Robbie talk to you? Willingly?”
Jade rolls her eyes, responding with a curt, “No.”
Glancing at her meaningfully, he grins as she sighs, beginning to elaborate, “He told Cat, in a whiny, Robbie kinda way, who told me that you saw Andre and I in the library.”
Nodding because he has nothing else to say, Beck takes a seat on the couch.
“Yeah I did, I thought it was nice. And you seem, how’d you put it, so good you could kill someone?”
“That wasn’t about him! André’s just my friend,” she retorts defensively.
Really looking at Jade, Beck shakes his head, leaning with his arms stretched behind the couch head.
“I wouldn’t mind. If you weren’t just friends.”
Jade glares at him, though her shoulders loosen up just the slightest. Here’s a little bark in her voice as she replies, a flame from when they were still Beck&Jade, “Wouldn’t mind? Oh what, so two months is enough time to get over a three year relationship?” Jade is bitter, dark, he forgets that she's like this sometimes.
Sighing, Beck leans forward dark eyes boring into the vicious, alive Jade. Sometimes it’s hard to forget loving her. It’s the type of sensation that renders you breathless, makes anything and anyone that’s not Jade seem lesser. Seem average. Other times it’s hard to remember me because Jade can make you feel lesser, can make Beck feel so weird and bad without ever meaning to; despite hating complicated, she’s always been a complex challenge.
“No. Two months isn’t long enough to get over you. But it’s long enough to try. It’s long enough to heal and fall in love. Does it mean I don’t love you anymore? No. Does it mean that I could stop loving you again? Maybe. But two months...It’s long enough for me to accept maybe I love you, maybe I always will, but being with you? I don’t need it.”
Jade’s jaw clenches as she avidly stares at anywhere but him, abruptly she stands up, sleeves clenched in her fist as she’s prone to do whenever she’s particularly angry.
“So that’s it. You love me but there’s someone else.”
“You can’t dump me and then get angry when I find someone else to care for Jade, that’s not fair.”
“Well who said life was fair!”
“You don’t get to leave me when I need you! Then fall in love with one of our friends and get jealous when I finally start piecing myself back together!”
“But you do?” It’s an angry retort, but suddenly he’s breathless because, did she know? And if she did, how?
“Deny it Beck. Tell me it’s a lie. Tell me you don’t love him!”
He can’t talk, tongue-tied.
Jade scoffs, pacing back and forward, voice and gaze accusing him of so much. “I knew it. I knew it. Since we were fifteen Beck…” She shakes her head, finally facing him head on with a snarl, “Do you want to know why I broke up with you?”
Of course he does, it had been all he could think of for nearly a whole month, but like always he can never just talk to Jade. Always gets too quiet when he thinks her answers might hurt too much to hear.
“I dumped you, because I couldn’t be your number two, no matter how much I tried to make myself settle, because you were my boyfriend and that meant something I couldn’t...Because you were also his best friend and sometimes. Sometimes I didn’t know what meant more to you.”
It’s quiet as they stare at each other, Jade seconds away from bolting and him stuck, rooted to the spot.
“I love him,” he admits quietly, “, but once upon a time, I loved you more.”
She slams the door as she leaves, but the high-pitched sound she makes was definitely a sob and Beck wonders if things will ever be okay with them. He doesn’t wonder for long, instead sitting face in hand on his couch until things make sense once more.
Day 59
Beck doesn’t want to talk to Robbie, so he ends up at Tori’s house because she’s always the one who fixes broken and things and right now Beck’s feeling pretty damned broken.
Tori makes him cocoa, brings cookies and binge watches movies with him. Trina comes in later, with a seemingly ever-present blonde haired Miss Puckett following her. They stop briefly to say hey before walking to Trina’s room. Beck shares a look with Tori who says quite clearly that he does not want to know, so instead he continues to drown his sorrows into hot cocoa and movies with average white guys that nine year old him could only fall in love with.
Tori
So what happened?
Beckett
why are we texting?
Tori
Bc u lie when u talk
Beckett
what
???
i lie ?
Tori
Well you don’t but
Ur just more honest when we txt
So message me
Instead of actually messaging her his whole life problems, he just talks because Tori’s always been too persuasive for her own good. He tells Tori, over the dramatic airport scene with Justin Long, that Jade had showed up being angry and hurt and making him feel like shit. That he’s so happy for Jade for finding someone and it gnaws at him that she can’t be happy for him when he did the same. That he’s in love with Robbie because no one’s ever been so considerate of Beck, ever. No one’s ever worried for him as constantly as Robbie does, that everyone thinks he’s just this chill guy so they walk all over him, but Robbie is so careful with Beck. So attentive.
“We both know it might take a while, but Jade will get over it and so will you. You guys will be friends again, I know it. And whoever she’s seeing will probably make her see sense, one day. So don’t fuss about that. ” Tori’s the type of person whose naive optimism is endearing instead of stupid, and her words aren’t empty comforts, at least not to her. He smiles at her, small and uncertain, but bright nevertheless.
“And– I mean I never knew you and Robbie were as close as you are, but from what I’ve seen...He cares about you a lot Beck. I mean, he buys you stuff. I have to beg him and drag him to the store to get a packet of Skittles and he buys you ten dollar salads like it’s no big deal. Robbie stays up to watch horrors with you, even though he hates them. So– I think you should tell Robbie clearly how you feel, instead of kissing him drunk off your butt.”
Gaping, Beck shakes his head as he moves into an upright position, “Did Robbie talk to you? Does–” Do you know how he feels, he wants to ask but doesn’t. Is too scared of the answer.
With a mischievous grin, Tori leans her face into the palm of her bent hand, elbow against her beds headboard. “He didn’t tell me...But I saw you two dancing at the party and so did Trina and– Vega’s don’t keep secrets from other Vega’s, not important ones anyway.”
Trina?
Beck thinks of the lunch her and Robbie went to, thinks of the nights Robbie’s said he’s too busy to hang but his snap maps show that he’s at the Vega’s and suddenly life makes a little bit more sense. Apparently he’s not the only guy who uses a Vega sister to vent to, funny that.
Day 60
It seems unfair that Tori knows and Jade knows and probably, very soon Cat and Trina will know too. So in middle of the Black Box theatre during their study period, Beck decides with no prompting at all to turn to his best friend and kisses him with intent. With burning passion. Kisses the person who’s been his number one since the day where Beck went flat while singing Beauty and The Beast and the only person who clapped when he finished his audition was the toothy-grinned, curly haired kid his age who had auditioned for Chip. Robbie pulls away before Beck can grip his cheek firmly, face falling.
“Beck– You can’t keep kissing me out of the blue okay. It’s...weird. You’re my friend and I know I’m gay and you’re bi, but I don’t think that should mean we need to make out.”
Nodding, Beck leans with his cheek against the chair head, eyes searching as he says, “I know. I didn’t kiss you because I’m bi. I kissed you because I wanted to.”
Rex pipes up before Robbie can gather a reply, “What Curls is tryna say, Hairspray, is that maybe you should remember that friends don’t fuck friends.”
Beck raises his brow at the curse, before lifting his arm so his fingers are trailing up and down Robbie’s arms.
“Not to be like, totally gay or anything, but you do realise I like you right. Like, I don’t usually kiss my friends or tell them that I’m happy with them or spoon them right. It’s not a Beck thing, it’s a Beck wants Robbie-sort of thing.”
It’s completely silent in the theatre, Beck doesn’t need brighter lights or direct sunlight to know that Robbie’s doing an apt impression of fish above water, mouth open and figure flailing. He puts Rex to the side so he can continue his dramatic flailing. Finally he answers in a shrill, but shaky scream.
“Beck you don’t like me okay!” his voice trembles, “You might think you do, and you might even believe it but...But you don’t like me, so drop it okay! The kissing me and cuddling and taking me out– It’s not cool. Not until you get your head on right.”
Blinking, at Robbie, Beck feels a muscle in his jaw tighten.
“Of course I like you Rob, what– what the hell do you think this is about. God, how can you even say that!”
“Because guys like you don’t go for guys like me! Because so far your dating repertoire has had some of the hottest people this side of L.A! Because you just found out I’m gay and suddenly you love me? I get it no one’s exactly out of the closet at H.A right now, but I’m not someone you can settle for when the chips fall down Beck. I– I thought you were better than that.”
Robbie goes to leave, without Rex weirdly enough, and for a second, it’s just like when Jade left. Just as painful as Beck struggles to say something, anything. But again he’s too scared to say anything and his throat tightens but– but fuck being scared! He’s already lost his gramps, too ashamed to visit his grave and remember the countless days it hurt too much to visit him in the rest home; how pathetic he feels when he realises he wasted the last few years of gramps’ life. Beck’s lost Jade, too quiet and nervous to prove to her how much she meant to him, how much she mattered to him. Lost Nick because it was so easy not to comfort him, not to sympathise, it was too easy to pretend like coming out wasn’t the most nerve-wracking thing in the world and that Nick should just chill out. He’s lost so many people because being open and honest and vulnerable is sometimes the most difficult feat in the world.
With strength he’s only just discovered, Beck envelopes Robbie from behind, arms wound tight around his chest as he speaks into Robbie’s ear.
“I’m not settling for you Robbie. I’m choosing you. You’re my number one and maybe it took knowing you were gay for me to realise it, but I love you, romantically. I love you so damn much and kissing you? Cuddling you? Being with you...It’s all I want. I want you Robbie Shapiro, not anyone else.”
Robbie raises his hand and winds his fingers in a bruising grip around Beck’s forearms.
“What about Jade? You love her Beck, I know you do.”
“I love you more.”
Turning, Robbie drops his arm and faces him with an awed expression. His tight grip returns, but this time at Beck’s waist, clutching his plaid top in shaky fingers.
“You and me?” He whispers out tentatively.
Leaning forward, Beck cups his palms against Robbie’s cheeks. He bends forward the slightest bit, resting their foreheads together.
“You and me Robbie, always. You and me.”
Grinning, Robbie is the one who starts this kiss, sweeter and more tender and thankfully, longer than any other kiss they had ever shared.
Day 60
0 New Fan Request
Robbie Shapiro is now in a relationship with Beck Oliver.
Tori Vega, Trina Vega, Sinjin Van Cleef, Jade West and 207 others slapped this.
202 people commented.
Top Comments:
Tori Vega: YAY!!!!! (38 slaps)
Trina Vega: Fr? 7 billion people in the world and Robbie gets the hottie before me :/ (98 slaps)
Sam Puckett: @Trina Vega there’s a specific hottie who’s annoyed as well (14 slaps)
Cat Valentine: @Trina Vega @Sam Puckett can u 2 not??? (109 slaps)
Jade West: Congratulations :))) (55 slaps)
Andre Harris: Cool it Sunshine. (2 slaps)
Andre Harris: Congrats guys, but I demand the right to sleep between y’all during sleepovers, because ion wanna be listening to you mack while I’m sleeping you feel? (45 slaps)
Robbie Shapiro: @Andre Harris who said you’re invited anymore? ;) (72 slaps)
Andre Harris: @Robbie Shapiro for that I’m planning a boys night this Sat man! (9 slaps)
Beck Oliver: Someone likes to third wheel lol (117 slaps)
Cat Valentine: <33333 (135 slaps)