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Angela sighs, closing her eyes as she settles more into the bed. Nineteen years of living with a soulmate connection, of someone sharing her emotions as well as their own, has taught her many things. How to better manage her emotions, so they don't affect her soulmate as greatly. How to respond to her soulmate's emotions in order to soothe a hurt or gentle an anger. How to sort through the things she's feeling, to identify what is hers and what is her soulmate's.
It's prepared her so well to be a doctor, to quiet her initial worries and insecurities and to project confidence and calmness. It had made Overwatch harder at first, adrenaline and fear in her first few battles closing her throat and inciting alarm in her soulmate, but once she adjusted, it made her more steady on the battlefield, more able to focus on the wounded agent in front of her instead of the gunfire and shouting around her.
(And when the nights were still bad, when she woke up shivering and sweating from dreams, oh, how her soulmate had comforted her then.)
Angela's spent so much time in moments like these: quiet contemplation and meditation. Searching for comfort or trying to provide it. Trying to understand her own feelings to better work with them, trying to understand her soulmate from the ebb and flow of their emotions. Trying not to add to their burdens.
Right now, however, she doesn't really know what to do with herself. Anger, fear, worry, exhaustion, hurt, betrayal: she and her soulmate have felt all these things, and she knows how to handle them.
Right now, there's a peace settled into her chest. A quiet sort of excitement. Amusement, which is her soulmate's, and she pushes it away with a smile curving her lips. Happiness.
Living with her soulmate connection has taught her many things. But not-
Angela feels the bed sink down next to her her, and the amusement is back and stronger as lips press against her temple.
"I know you're not asleep," a rich voice says, the smile as obvious in her voice as it is in Angela's chest. "You're never this happy when you're asleep."
Angela doesn't open her eyes, but she lets her own smile grow in response. "Not even when I'm exhausted? Asleep before my head hits the pillow?"
Soft laughter is her first answer. "Not even then."
She can hear the affection, but it also blooms in her chest, warm and soft, growing until she can no longer separate from the love she feels herself.
Nothing could have ever prepared her for Fareeha Amari.
She opens her eyes onto her soulmate's smile, the tattoo that curls under one eye, the lines of laughter around her lips. And Angela just still can't believe that this amazing woman is here, is her soulmate, and she just lets herself feel the awe and the joy of it without restraint, without control, knowing that Fareeha can feel it too.
She reaches for Fareeha at the same moment that Fareeha leans down again, and the kiss is absolutely everything that she'd wanted, all those nights alone, eyes closed, breathing steadily and searching for the comfort.
Here's the thing about soulmates: no one ever talks about what happens when you actually find yours, when you get to live with them. All the focus (and Angela understands why, remembers the nights alone and wanting) is on finding one's soulmate. How to support them through the distance. How to understand little nuances and what that might mean. People looking to understand why certain emotions come through stronger than others, or testing how distance affects the strength of an emotional resonance.
No one seems to talk about the after, about what happens when you meet, that your soulmate's presence is something that's joyful all on its own.
No one ever warned her that she'd be working in the lab all day, puzzled by the constant interruptions of the other Overwatch agents over mundane things that didn't really need her attention. (After all, they'd usually been so reticent to bother her while working before.) More confusing was how Mei and Lucio and Brigitte seemed so amused when she looked their way. She's sure she even saw Hana hastily hiding her phone in her pocket when Angela looked up.
It's not until Lena comes by and bursts into giggles that Angela finally gives up. "What is it?" she demands, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Oh, you've just got it bad, love," Lena says after a moment, grinning wide enough that Angela's sure it must hurt.
But Angela's just staring at her, about to ask for an actual, sensible explanation when Lena laughs and shakes her head.
"Did ya even realize you were humming?"
"I-" Angela pauses in the middle of her automatic objection, trying to remember, suddenly aware of the melody that's going through her head. It startles her enough to realize that maybe, yes, Lena's correct (and everyone was watching!) that she feels a small thread of worry from Fareeha, and takes a moment to settle herself enough to send back a small reassurance.
She looks back at Lena, who's grinning like she knows exactly what just happened, and Angela uncrosses her arms. "I'm not going to remind you what you were like when you first met Emily," she accuses gently.
Lena just laughs again, before leaning in as if to share a secret. "I'm still smitten, y'know? Every day I wake up and think: bloody hell, she's really the one."
Despite wanting to maintain a stern expression, Angela can't stop herself from relaxing into a smile. Because she's starting to know that feeling very well, and because the memory of Lena's excitement is still charming.
(Lena had talked so fast about Emily that most of it had been incomprehensible. It had taken Angela ages to actually learn anything about her soulmate other than her name.)
"Yes," Angela answers, not realizing how far away her voice sounds, not seeing how Lena's eyes soften. "It's amazing, isn't it?"
Whatever Lena might say is interrupted by Fareeha herself showing up, towering over Lena in the doorway. "Everything okay? I've heard there's something I should check out over here."
"Like you need an excuse to check her out," Lena teases, pretending to flinch as Fareeha punches her in the arm without any real force.
"Everything's fine," Angela reassures her. "Sorry to bother you."
"She knows nothing's wrong," Lena interjects again, smirking. "But she'll take the excuse to come over and see-" Laughing, she dodges under Fareeha's swat, and in a flash of blue light, disappears down the hall.
"The others are going to have a lot of fun with this," Angela says, almost as an apology, knowing that they will both be the subject of teasing and laughter for a while.
"They're excited for us," Fareeha says, walking into the room, stopping in front of Angela and raising her fingers to her cheek as Angela leans into the touch. "As am I."
"I know," Angela replies. "I feel it too."
Blinking, Fareeha watches her for a moment, then laughs. "You're spending too much time with me, making a joke like that."
But Angela just reaches up to cover Fareeha's hand with her own. "No such thing," she says softly, and if they're grinning at each other like idiots in the middle of her lab, Angela finds that she just doesn't care who might look in.
Here's the thing about soulmates: no one ever warned her how proximity to her soulmate would affect the sharing of emotions. It's a silly complaint; everyone knows that the connection grows stronger the closer one gets. It's one of the main ways that people actually track down their soulmates.
That doesn't mean she was prepared for it. Wasn't prepared for the way a tactician like Fareeha would make use of it. The way she started combating late nights by showing up in Angela's office with blanket and headphones, curling up on the small couch and letting herself doze, letting her tiredness pile onto Angela's. The first few times, Angela kept working just to prove that she could, ignoring the yawns that pried her jaw apart and the way she had to keep swiping at her eyes to clear them.
She did that up until the first night that Fareeha actually fell asleep on the couch as she waited, deeply enough that Angela couldn't rouse her, despite shaking her shoulder and calling her name.
Angela tried to pull the blanket off, had thought she'd succeeded when Fareeha mumbled something incoherent and turned slightly away. But Fareeha didn't respond any further, and had tightened her grip on the blanket enough that Angela couldn't even get that much of a response again. Eventually she'd just sighed, shaken her head, and curled up on the nearby armchair to sleep. Soulmates should share stiff necks, after all.
It had been worth it, however, to wake up in the morning with Fareeha leaning over her, fingers combing gently through Angela's hair. "Good morning," Fareeha had said, her voice quiet and fond. "You could've gone to bed yourself, you know."
Angela had held back a yawn before replying. "No," she'd said simply. "I wouldn't have left you."
She hadn't been sure what emotion had filled her then, had flowed between them, but it was warm and soothing. And a good thing, considering the way her body had screamed at her when she'd unfolded herself from the chair and stretched.
Fareeha had chuckled at the soft groan that'd spilled from her lips. "Then next time? Let's just go to bed."
Here's the thing about soulmates: it isn't always perfect.
She knows what Fareeha is feeling, but that doesn't mean she always knows the best way to respond. She can center herself when Fareeha is angry or frustrated, give her a steadiness that she can hold onto. When Fareeha's upset, Angela tries to think about how much she loves her, how she admires her strength and her integrity, how grateful she is for her kindness and compassion.
But it doesn't tell her what to say when Fareeha and Ana get into another argument, when Fareeha returns home with a tight jaw and frustration radiating from her. It doesn't let Fareeha ease the grief and guilt that Angela feels whenever any of their companions wind up in the medical bay.
On some nights, this additional failure eats at Angela. It's the worst kind of frustration: when she can do something, but not enough. Not enough to protect Fareeha completely, or heal every small wound she takes.
"You're not a mind reader," Fareeha reassures her once, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
"Close enough," Angela grumbles, but doesn't press the issue further.
Here's the thing about soulmates: knowing Fareeha's emotions lets Angela learn Fareeha much better. It's how she finds out Fareeha's favorite music, because of how Fareeha lights up when the radio is turned to the classic rock station. Knowing that lets her turn on a playlist she puts together when Fareeha is feeling weary after a mission, and Fareeha laughs with delight the first time she hears it. They spend the evening talking about the music, with Fareeha going through the playlist and making suggestions, or having Angela listen to this song or that, explaining the history of the bands or the meaning of the songs, and Angela's chest gets lighter and lighter with every minute that passes.
It lets Fareeha discover Angela's secret guilty pleasure for the sappiest, cheesiest movies around, after walking in on her watching one when wanting to see what was creating the mix of glee and embarrassment that she could feel from Angela's side.
Angela swore Fareeha to secrecy, a vow that Fareeha apparently took seriously despite the huge smile she had while taking it. However, that doesn't mean that Fareeha never uses it for her own advantage.
It's less about meeting Angela with a movie and blankets after a long or hard day, though there are evenings that end with them curled up together, Fareeha pretending to gag over every cliched line while Angela elbows her in the side.
It's more the morning that finds Angela standing at the window, a mug clasped in both hands, watching the snow drifting downwards and dotting the green grass with white. It's a rare day of rest within Overwatch; Talon is licking its wounds from their last encounter. And while they are surely planning some other attack, Overwatch is not yet large enough to act without evidence, to send teams out to possible locations preemptively. It itches at her sometimes, and she knows it itches at Fareeha, this forced waiting, made to react rather than prevent. But while the Petras Act is still in effect, sometimes all they can do is rest and recover, try not to publicly broadcast their activities too strongly until the world realizes the danger.
Of course, she thinks, sometimes trying to get ahead of their enemies was what got Overwatch into trouble in the first place.
If there ever was a time that Overwatch wasn't in trouble.
Angela sighs and takes a long, slow sip of her coffee, wondering if the bitterness of the drink isn't contributing to the path her memories are taking.
Arms wrap about her waist, careful not to upset the mug she's carrying, and she finds herself drawn back into Fareeha's chest, sighing as she lets herself relax into the embrace.
"Come back to bed," Fareeha says, sleep thick in her voice.
"I'm sensing a theme with you and bed," Angela teases, her voice soft so as not to disturb her.
"A good bed is a horrible thing to waste," Fareeha mumbles. "You make it better." She feels Fareeha lean forward to get a better look at the window. "It's snowing," she says simply, as if that should end whatever argument she thinks is happening.
"Yes, it is," Angela confirms. "If you're worried about visibility in the Raptora, it's barely-"
"It's cold," Fareeha interrupts her gently, and Angela's suddenly aware of the amused mischief creeping across her mind.
"Fareeha, the heat is on."
"It's very cold," Fareeha repeats, pulling just slightly on Angela's waist. "Come to bed, you'll freeze. We'll have to share the blankets - blanket. One blanket, so we have to share."
Angela's fighting a smile, but not Fareeha's slow insistence that they move away from the window. She lets Fareeha draw her backward, trusting her partner not to let her fall. "We have many blankets, because someone thinks it's cold when it's seven degrees out."
"Just the one," Fareeha says, her voice getting stronger. Angela looks over her shoulder to laugh as Fareeha pushes the pile of blankets off their bed and fishes one off the floor to throw back on the bed. "Very important to share. Wouldn't want you catching a cold."
"How noble of you, watching out for my health," Angela teases back. "But can I put down the coffee first?"
Fareeha releases her, just enough that Angela can turn to kiss her cheek and place the mug down onto the bedside table.
After waiting for Fareeha to settle, Angela follows her underneath the blanket, winding one of her legs through Fareeha's and snuggling as close to her as she can get.
"Isn't this where you're supposed to be shy and we try not to touch until it's inevitable, maybe only after we fall asleep?" Fareeha says, though she throws an arm over Angela's side, fingers lightly playing over the back of her neck.
"No, because this is the moment we realize we're soulmates," Angela responds before closing her eyes and pressing her forehead to Fareeha's. "Shared nervousness and concern for the other person combined with the proximity means we discover it quickly and get to snuggle through the whole night."
"What about the whole day?" Angela feels Fareeha's fondness for her as clearly as her breath across her face.
"I am not spending my entire day in bed with you, Fareeha." She means it to sound scolding. "But," she says slowly, as if Fareeha doesn't already know, doesn't already feel it, "I suppose the morning would be okay."
Fareeha doesn't answer, other than to pull Angela a little closer, and Angela lets her thoughts drift, feels herself almost start to doze off. She probably would, except- "Fareeha?"
"Yeah?"
"I can feel you shivering."
Fareeha's amusement is a warmth curled in her stomach. "One blanket, remember?" Fareeha says, and pushes her face into Angela's neck, and Angela knows the current shaking of her shoulders is laughter.
"Mein Gott," Angela murmurs, but drapes herself over Fareeha as best she can. "You're lucky we're soulmates."
Fareeha's laughter quiets, and Angela can feel her take a deep breath as that warmth rolls up into her chest and through her limbs, suffusing her with joy and gratitude. "Yeah," she says. "I am."
And all Angela can do is kiss Fareeha, letting the warmth flow back into her, the same sort of happiness and amazement settle over her as it does Angela every morning when she wakes up and remembers that Fareeha Amari really is her soulmate.
She knows she doesn't have to say it. That Fareeha feels it just as strongly as she does.
Here’s the thing about soulmates: Angela might not have been prepared for the reality of it. But if it takes her the rest of her life to figure it all out, if she never stops being surprised, well then-
That sounds wonderful to her.