Archive of Our Own ^beta

   You fidgeted.  This was important.  Petra had to kiss Levi.  Hanji had to sing (and not well).  Dare was dangerous.  No one had chosen truth yet…  But, you were not going to kiss Captain Levi.  And you’d rather kiss him then sing (you stunk) and in front of everyone in the lounge.

   “Uh, truth…” you mumbled.  Hanji smiled,

   “Petra, how about you take this one!”

   “All right, _____,” Petra rubbed her hands together.  Her face was still red from kissing Levi, “You’re much too quiet, so tell us, who is the hottest boy in this room?”

   You actually flinched back.

   Even though, the boys were trying not to look at you, the corners of their eyes were staring at you.

   “Can I change to dare?” you asked quietly.

   “Well, I was going to make you strip--,” Hanji began.

   “NO!  STOP!  I’ll do this one!” you agreed.  Hanji took this game to extremes.  You would have declined playing if you knew it was this intense.

   “You would have made her strip?” Jean asked turning to Hanji, “For real?”

   “Of course.”  You went white.  She wouldn’t have.  Would she?

   “Glad I didn’t leave,” Jean said, shooting you a grin.  You were probably redder than Petra after kissing Levi.

   Eren smacked Jean on the back of the head.  Armin protested as they started to fight.  Your eyes surveyed the, uh, well the survey corps.

   Who was the hottest?  Your eyes searched over lots of boys.  Eren, Jean, Armin, Reiner, Bertholdt, Levi, Erwin, Connie, Oluo (yeah, right), Eld, Gunther…  Anyone else was disqualified in your mind for various reasons.

   “This is purely on looks, right?  Not personality?” you asked, mulling it over.

   “Yeah!” Petra nodded.

   “Um.  Probably Eren or Jean…” you tried to say as quietly as possible.

   “What?” Eren and Jean shouted in unison, stopping their fighting.

   “Based on looks, yeah, those two,” your repeated.

   “But which one of us is hotter?” Jean insisted.

   “I don’t know…  I couldn’t date either of you, though,” you replied.

   “Why not?” Eren asked.  Why would Eren care?  Why would Jean either?  Well, maybe cause Jean was egotistical.  But Eren?  Uh, he didn’t like you…  Did he?

   “Cause you’re obsessed with titans, and you’re angry, and I think Mikasa would kill me,” you explained, “Jean.  I hate your personality.  Sorry.  You get on my nerves.”

   Jean gasped (perhaps in fake shock, perhaps not), and Eren snickered.

   “How about if you had date someone?” Petra asked.

   “Um, can’t I ask you something, now?” you questioned.  Hanji interjected,

   “No!  My turn!  So, truth or dare, _____?”  You sighed,

   “Truth, I guess.”

   “Who would you date out of the boys in this room?” Hanji asked.  You glared at her.  Most of the guys had stopped side glancing at you and were looking head on.

   “Well, not Eren or Jean, for reasons stated,” you firstly affirmed.

   “Duh, since you hate us apparently,” Jean scowled.  Your eyes softened,

   “No!  I don’t hate you, just the way you act sometimes, and I don’t hate Eren, I just don’t like some things about him…”

   “How about me, _____?” Connie shouted from across the room.

   “Sorry, Connie, I think you’re a little too much of a jokester for me.  The others are too old...” you looked to Oluo, Gunther, and Eld.  Then Levi, “Levi’s older than me, and probably would be the least romantic boyfriend, ever.”

   Everyone laughed at that, because it was almost definitely true.  Levi just drank some of his tea.

   “You know, I think Armin would be perfect!” you smiled at him.  He was very red.

   “Armin?  Why Armin?” Jean asked.

   “Let’s see, he’s not, erm, well hot.  But he’s attractive, in a sweet way.  He’s super smart, very caring and dedicated.  But not to extremes,” you added, your eyes sliding to Eren, “I think whoever he ends with he’ll be good to, you know?”

   “I--.  Uh--.  Thank you, _____,” Armin stammered.

   “Quite welcome,” you nodded to him, sipping at the cup of water in front of you.

   “_____!” Jean yelled, standing up.  You turned to him, he walked over and stood above you, looking angry.  Then he just looked disappointed,

   “How come you don’t like me?”

   “You’re a pervert, annoying, pick fights with people, very blunt--.”

   “Blunt?  Look who’s talking!” Jean countered.

   “Have you heard me talk for more than a minute straight other than today?” you told him.  He froze, and everyone in the room appeared to ponder that,

   “I’m usually pretty quiet, and laid back.  Let me be brutally honest for a couple sentences.”

   Jean stared at you, and seemed to understand, slightly.  You were holding most of your opinions back, so if someone asked for them, you’d tell them all of it.  You finished with one last thought,

   “Besides, I’m in a game where I tell the truth, only the truth.  And I’m not gonna sugarcoat it.”

   Jean looked to the side irritated, seeing you had a point.  You added,

   “For once I’m voicing my opinions, and if you have a problem with that, take it up with me in private, I do have a game to finish.”

   Someone somewhere (you were willing to bet Connie) said,

   “Burrrrn.”

   The room erupted into laughter.  Jean looked hopelessly embarrassed.  You sighed, you didn’t mean for that,

   “C’mon, don’t pick on him.  He has good qualities too.”

   Eren snorted,

   “Name one!”

   “He’s pretty smart and brave, not Armin smart, but smart.”  Armin smiled at little at that.

   “How was he smart and brave, _____?” Eren demanded.

   “Guys, his gear broke in the attack on Trost, and he managed to take a fallen soldier’s gear, and get out alive,” you shrugged, “I think at that point I would have wet myself.”

   Jean stared at you.  To be honest, you’d whipped him for being the way he is, and suddenly you defended him.  It was strange, you knew it, but if you were bashing personalities, you should even out your dents.

   Eren looked doubtful, and other faces in the room showed that as well.

   “He also cares, think about Marco…” you murmured.  You didn’t want to bring this up, but you figured it was okay.

   “We were all sad, but who cried for him?  That boy, right there,” you jerked your thumb to Jean, “He does care.  Give him that, Eren.”

   “Fine,” Eren conceded.

   “Hanji, I’m kind of tired, and now that I’ve confessed all my opinions of the men here, I’m going to bed, g’night,” you told her standing up to leave.  Petra and Hanji continued their game, moving to some other girls who were playing.  You added a few “good nights” here and there to people as you passed them.

   You were walking in the hall when you paused to look out one of the arches to your left.  You could see all the stars and the moon, you walked up to the side, and leaned against the ledge, staring out.  It was very peaceful, the night sky.  So dark and blue, but never ending, stretching on forever.  But the stars formed such gorgeous constellations, uniting the sky.

   “_____,” someone said from behind you, you turned to see Jean who stopped next to you following where your gaze had been, “Stargazing?”

   “Yeah,” you replied, “I like stars.”

   “I just wanted to thank you, for not leaving me as a big fool back there…”

   “No problem, Jean.  I’m sorry, I was a little hard on you at first.  You aren’t as bad as I made you seem,” you admitted.

   “Hopefully that’s true,” Jean said, staring out with you.  The two of you didn’t move for a while, but a thought struck you,

   “You know, you were pretty offended when I said I didn’t like you,” you noted, “Any reason for that?”

   “What?” Jean said, just a little too quickly, “What are you talking about?”

   “Nothing, I guess,” you said, a slight smirk on your face as you look at him from the corner of your eye.

   It was dark, with only the moonlight illuminating the hall you two stood in. You couldn’t tell if Jean’s cheeks were red, but you were looking carefully to see if they were.  Ah man, you couldn’t tell.

   “Hey, Jean, truth or dare?” you asked him.  His gaze drifted from the stars to you,

   “Truth.”

   “Do you like me?”  There was a pause.

   “Course I like you.  We’re friends.”

   Darn Jean.  You sighed,

   “I think you understood what I really meant with that question.”

   “Okay, my turn, truth or dare, _____?” Jean queried.

   “Truth.”

   “Do you like me?”  You turned to him indignantly at that, moving from leaning on the ledge to standing to your full height, still a few inches shorter than him.

   “You expect me answer that question after how you answered it for me?” you demanded.

   “No, it would nice if did though,” Jean told you.

   “Jean, I don’t--.  I don’t really like you that much,” you bit your lip.  You were feeling a little confused.  Okay, so Jean wasn’t horrible, but you certainly didn’t like him all that much.  Still, he had some nicer qualities…  But you doubted you were feeling what he was feeling.  If he was feeling anything at all!  You stopped all those thoughts, maybe you were reading too much into it.

   “All right, one more, truth or dare, _____?” Jean asked.  You sighed, techinically, you were supposed to ask at that point, but you just wanted him to leave you alone.  You also did not want to talk about your feelings, so that eliminated truth…

   “Dare,” you looked straight into those amber eyes.  Jean looked taken aback, you wanted to snap your fingers in a Z, all ‘Didn’t expect that, did you?’  Then he got a scary look on his face.

   “Kiss me.”

   It was your turn to look taken aback.  You stepped backwards and put your hands up in front of you.  You were trying to think of a smart reason to say no.  It didn’t come out that way,

   “No!  That’s--.  No.”

   “You said dare.  You’re obliged,” Jean pointed out.

   “I--.  Jean, look, I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can.”

   “Can’t?  Or won’t?”

   You paused, thinking about it,

   “Well, sort of both.  I refuse to.  And…” you paused, debating whether to tell Jean that.  You thought it’d be okay, “I haven’t kissed someone before, so I don’t know--,”

   “You haven’t had your first kiss?” Jean looked horribly amused.

   “Shut up and wipe that smile off your face.  No, I haven’t kissed anyone.”

   “So you really don’t know how, huh?” Jean looked very satisfied, “I could teach you.”

   “Jean, you’re being that part of you I don’t like…” you told him backing up, slowly.

   Jean stopped moving for a moment and looked down at himself.  He then sighed,

   “I really just wanted a kiss ‘cause I know you don’t like me.  Like a pat on the back for failing.”

   “Oh.”  That was all you could manage to say.  You felt bad for Jean.  He liked you, and you totally and utterly insulted him in that truth or dare game.  Crap.  You felt really bad.  Is there such a thing as pity-dating?

   “Like a pat on the back for failing.”

   Oh man.

   “How come you don’t like me?”

   Thinking back, you remembered comforting him as they burned dead soldiers bodies.

   “Jean…  It’s okay.  Marco’s in a better place now…”

   “I miss him too.”

   “It’ll be alright.”

   And it wasn’t just then, you said things throughout your time knowing Jean that maybe affected his affection for you.

   “How are you so good at 3DMG?”

   “Marco wasn’t off about you being leader…”

   “Your face doesn’t look at much like a horse.”

   Oh boy.

   Were you yourself attractive?  In some aspects, yeah.  You were okay at fighting titans, you were (in your opinion) fairly pretty and fairly nice.  So Jean liked you…

   Why couldn’t you like Jean?

   You examined the boy in front of you, running through everything about him.

   Yes, you thought he was good looking.  Maybe if you’d just kept your mouth shut about that fact, he wouldn’t be in front of you.

   Sure, he could be jerkish at times, but he did care.  He was smart, not Armin smart, but smart.  He was skilled in fighting.  And he liked you.

   Oh, and he dared you to kiss him.

   Oh.

   God.

   “Jean…” you looked at your feet.  What does someone do in a situation like this?

   “You know what?  Forget I said anything.  I won’t bother you.”  Jean turned and started to walk away.

   You took a step towards him.  Your mind was battling a “pity the boy and kiss him” and “heck no!”.

   Then in a split second, the battle was won.

   You ran towards to Jean, grabbing his wrist.  He turned around and you placed your lips to his, standing on your tiptoes.

   You’d never kissed a boy before.  You thought this was how you did it.  Eyes closed, lips together.  That seemed right.

   Jean was surprised at first, and didn’t kiss back.  You were about to stop when he did kiss you back.  And you actually kind of liked it.

   After maybe ten seconds of kissing, you gently moved back.

   Jean was grinning,

   “Thank you.”

   “That actually wasn’t so bad,” you told him, smiling a little too.  He raised his eyebrows, then a light flickered in his eyes,

   “Hey, _____, truth or dare?”

   “I don’t care,” you answered.

   “Go out with me.”

   You pondered that.  All right, Jean had a possibility of being an okay boyfriend.  Besides, it would only be a pity-date at first.  Maybe if you liked him more after, it wouldn’t just be out of pity.

   “How about one date?” you bargained, putting your hands on your hips.

   “I’m okay with that.”

   “I guess I’ll see you soon then, but for now, I’m going to bed.  Tonight was a little more than I asked for.  Till tomorrow,” you wished him goodnight.  He said goodnight as well.

   As you laid in your bed, you questioned yourself.

   “Truth or dare?”

   “Truth.”

   “Do you like Jean?”

   “...”

   “Well?”

   “I only said one date.”

   “Answer.”

   “And he’s still quite annoying.”

   “Stop stalling!”

   “Yes, I like him.  Just a little.”

   “Out of pity?”

   “Erm...  Mostly.”

   “So not completely?”

   “Shut up.”

   “I’m your brain!”

   “Shut up.”