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Cassian let the curtain slip from his fingers and gone was the room filled with people and excited chatter. He stepped back. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel the small, nervous flutter in his stomach. But he knew the song, he trusted his sense of pitch, he got this. The flutter died down.
He took one more breath, before he heard it. The shaky voice, coming from a corner somewhere further backstage. He followed its sound and found a figure huddled on the floor, arms wrapped around knees and head resting on top of them, muttering the same words to himself over and over again.
“Okay, you can do this, you can do this. It’s no big deal. Just act like it’s a rehearsal. It’s only a rehearsal. Just with more people. A shitload more people. And they’re all gonna listen… Fuck, I can’t do it, no way. Not here, not on stage, I–”
“Hey…” Cassian cleared his throat. “Everything alright?” He asked, even though it clearly was not.
The head snapped up and a pair of wide, dark eyes looked at him. Panicked, but also slightly embarrassed.
“Andor? What are you doing here?”
Bodhi Rook, Cassian noted. Male lead of ‘Rogue Squad’, mostly rapped, and while that wasn’t exactly Cassian’s style of music, he had to admit he’d stopped outside their rehearsal room more than once – to linger and listen. Something about Bodhi fascinated him. And somehow he knew it wasn’t just the voice that drew him in.
Bodhi dragged a hand over his face in and quickly looked to the side, evading Cassian’s eyes. A futile attempt to try and hide how nervous he really was. He waved his hand in a shooing motion toward the changing rooms.
“You – you should be with your group, not… here. Go back to them, Andor, they need you.”
Cassian squatted down in front of him. The movement had Bodhi flinch backwards a little and it hit Cassian just how hard he must be fighting his instincts to keep himself from bolting right this instant.
“Same goes for you, Rook.” Cassian tried to keep his own voice calm.
“If I go there now, I’m only gonna spook them. One scaredy-cat that’s losing it is enough.” Bodhi let out a short laugh, but it sounded tense – fake, and his eyes kept flickering to the nearest exit. He stared at his knees again. “They’re better off without me.”
To see Bodhi so different from his usual, enthusiastic and confident self, tore at Cassian’s heart.
“Rook… hey, listen. You know your thing, you’ve practiced for months. And you’re not alone, your group’s got your back.” When he got no reaction, Cassian switched his technique. “Bodhi…”
That worked. Bodhi finally looked up and Cassian was pleased to see his eyes lacked some of the haunted look the'd had before. He reached out a hand and tentatively placed it on Bodhi’s bent knee, giving it a soft, reassuring squeeze.
“Bodhi, I’ve heard you, you sing damn good and I know for a fact that you can do this. Believe me. Everything’s going to be alright,” he said with emphasis, and finally he noticed Bodhi taking a deep breath, steadier than before.
Bodhi noddled slowly and, as if trying to unfold the full meaning of the words, he mouthed,‘’s gonna be alright’. It took another two breaths before he looked up and met Cassian’s eyes, not wavering for the first time and the fragile beginnings of a smile beginning to show on his face.
“An-Cassian… Why are you doing this? We’re on opposite teams, we’re going in competition against each other, and yet… you’re here, helping me. Why?”
Cassian gave him a wry grin. “Let’s just say… I got my reasons.”
“Oh. Okay.” The small smile dropped and Bodhi sounded slightly crestfallen again. “Sorry I asked.”
“Hey,” Cassian said and moved a little closer. “Here’s the deal: We’ll both go out there, do our thing and give our best. And afterward,” He leaned forward and whispered into Bodhi’s ear, effectively brushing his cheek past Bodhi’s, “Afterward, I’ll tell you my reasons.”
“That –” Bodhi swallowed audibly. “That sounds fair.”
“Alright, then.” Cassian got to his feet and held out his hand. “Let’s go.”
Bodhi took it, firmly holding on, and Cassian pulled him up. Standing tall and confident, Bodhi first looked toward the stage, then at Cassian. He nodded.
“Yeah. Let’s do this.”