Work Text:
Oliver gets very little work done at the office. It’s not his fault the glass walls are so goddamn transparent, he didn’t design the place! And it’s definitely not his fault that Felicity’s sitting right there looking perfect as usual, distracting him from anything productive. Nope. Definitely not his fault.
Well, he thinks, maybe it is his fault that she’s there. But then he couldn’t have her all the way down in the basement could he?! He told her it was for practical purposes, that he couldn’t be seen going down to IT all the time without a legitimate excuse. But really, he just couldn’t bear to have her out of his sight. He worried. Felicity’s exceptionally strong and certainly well able to take care of herself, he knows that, but that doesn’t mean he could stop worrying about her. Not that he doesn’t still worry of course. But when it comes to Felicity, there’s nothing he wouldn’t do to keep her safe. The basement was just too far away in case of an emergency and it made him extremely uncomfortable, not to mention tense.
But there was also that other reason. The one he always pushed away, shoved to the back of his mind and tried to ignore. The one that said he needed Felicity close. That being apart from her was just too painful. He wanted to be near her all the time. To see that smile, to hear that (quite frankly, adorable) sarcasm. He needed her close because she was perfect. Perfect to him, and he couldn’t imagine a life without her. He certainly didn’t want to.
But all this meant that he never got much work done in the office. He spent his day thinking up excuses to go and talk to her. She’d refused to fetch him coffee, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t ask right? And sometimes, he actually had legitimate assistant type tasks for her that definitely required him to hang around her desk for a good ten minutes (well, maybe).
But mostly he just sat there, trying not to stare. It never worked very well. She’d almost caught him a couple of times, but he liked to think his reflexes were good enough that he’d looked away by the time she’d fully turned around. Actually, his constant distraction meant that most nights he had to take his work home with him. There was a lot to do as CEO of Queen Consolidated and the majority of it was time sensitive. But he just couldn’t concentrate at work.
Of course, at home it was only marginally better. he would often find himself spacing out, daydreaming about this or that that Felicity had done that day. It was really getting to be a problem and not to mention, slightly pathetic. But he just couldn’t act on his feelings. Assuming she felt the same way that he did (which was definitely not something he obsessively worried about, of course not), he just couldn’t put Felicity in that situation. As the Arrow, people would target those he cared about in order to get to him. They always had and they always will. Felicity had been in danger before because of his actions, and he never wanted that to happen again. Being linked at all with the Arrow was a treacherous position, let alone being linked romantically, and that relationship came with its fair share of hostage situations and death threats.
Even being the partner of Oliver Queen was a huge risk. Perhaps the latest enemy doesn’t know the identity of the Arrow, but there are still plenty of people in the business world ready to push and threaten their way to success. And Oliver just doesn’t want that for Felicity. He needs her to be safe from all that. As safe as he can get her anyway. If anything ever happened to her, well, he doesn’t know what he’d do. But there’s one thing he knows for certain; the horror of the island would be nothing compared to what it would be to lose Felicity.
Oliver shudders just thinking about it. It won’t happen he vows. It will never happen. Not until she’s old and grey having lived a happy and fulfilled life. Preferably with him. No. No, stop. You can’t, he thinks. Remember who you are, what you do. You can’t. Well maybe in a few years he could. After all this is over, when Starling City is back on its feet and can look after itself. But no, there’ll still be people who hold grudges and he doubts he’ll ever truly stop being the Arrow. He can’t get away from it now. it’s who he is. But who he is means that he can’t be with Felicity, and it hurts. It hurts so much. Every glance. Every little touch that he steals. A hand on her arm, a graze of fingertips. It’s too much, but not enough at the same time. It’s sweet torture. But he can’t stop himself, he’s not even sure he wants to.
So, here he is, gazing at her from the other side of the glass with what he can only assume is a lovesick expression. Holding on to that tiny piece of hope that says that one day they can be together, that she loves him too.
For now, that’s all he can do. Hope.