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You didn’t want to think about it. Of all the worst case scenarios, this one unfolding in front of you was the worst of the worst, and one you didn’t want to accept even if you knew your eyes wouldn’t lie to you. Knowing it had been your fault only made you want to disappear from his life, fearing he might be better off without you.
It had been three days spent there already, both your parents and his bringing you food and a new blanket every day to stay warm. You could’ve cared less about the time but you still weren’t allowed inside – the hospital corridor was quiet as it was already 4 am. Your eyes were as dry as they could be, but when the nurse came out of the room in front of you, you instantly felt them get teary again.
“He’s awake, you can see him now if you’d like, but for a short time please,” the woman told you with the softest voice you knew she could make. Simply nodding in response and with the words completely stuck in your throat, you went through the door and the scene in front of you finally broke you down.
You couldn’t count just how many wires and bandages covered your boyfriend Katsuki, who looked completely broken as well, just a little bit more than you. His gaze was fixed on the closed curtains across the room, his eyes almost void of all life; if it were different, you would’ve thought he was already gone, but the beeping from one of the machines showing his heartbeats kept you grounded. Half of his head was shaven so the doctors could tend to the most severe of the injuries, a cut deep enough to reach his skull but not enough to break through it. It had taken about five hours of surgery to patch it up.
Breathing deeply, you gathered all the courage you had inside to make your way next to the bed, letting yourself kneel down beside it to get a better look at Katsuki’s face. His lips were chapped, his skin bruised, but he was still himself… he had to be. “H-hey, baby,” you whispered, tears streaming down your face as you reached out to touch his hand. “I’m so glad you’re awake. I’ve been waiting for you, I’ve never left.” He didn’t reply nor look at you, which only made your worries deepen. “Katsuki? You really scared me, I… I thought I was going to lose you. And to think it’s all my fault that you’re like this is just e-”
“Eating you up?” his voice was hoarse, like if he was struggling to even speak. You blinked a few times, but when he moved ever so slightly to look at you, you were shocked to see the rage hidden in the red hues. “I’m glad you feel like that, you know? Look at me. Look at how useless I am right now. Are you happy?” it felt as he was snapping at you for something you didn’t think he’d be capable of, but there he was, a broken man letting out his anger towards the person he said he loved most.
“Katsuki,” you replied, feeling your stomach sinking even further down your body, “how could I ever be happy about that? You’re just speaking nonsense – maybe I should call one of the nurses to tone down the medicine…”
“Fuck the medicine,” he said as he propped himself up with his elbows, a grimace of pain on his face before he seemingly remembered what he was doing. “And fuck you,” he added with a growl, and that was the last thing you needed to feel your heart break into a million pieces. “Fuck you for putting yourself in danger, fuck you for making me save you each time, fuck you for always thinking you can do shit by yourself. You were useless, and look where that brought us to.”
Each word was like a needle stabbing your body in many different ways, but you knew that showing pain right now would only feed Bakugou’s anger. Getting up, you fixed your clothes and dried your tears with your sleeves before looking down at him again and saying, “Do you want me to leave now?”
Katsuki laid down again, the heartrate monitor returning to its original pace and his gaze returning to the curtains. “Leave, and if I see you coming here again I’ll fucking call security to take you out.”
-
“But you haven’t talked to him since?”
It had been a whole week since Bakugou had been released from the hospital, almost completely recovered but still unable to use his Quirk to its full potential. You had seen him around and in class, but when your eyes posed upon him the weight of his words seemed to pull you down and away from him, making you avoid him ever since he had come back. You hadn’t been to the hospital either, true to your words and loyal to his.
Now, talking with Jirou while at lunch, you realized that sooner or later someone would have to address the elephant in the room, but you were expecting not to be the one to do it. “Of course I haven’t, why would I do it? It’s not like I wanted that to happen to him, yet the first thing he does is blame me,” you explained quickly to your best friend who was trying to help you overcome the situation. She was a great listener beyond her Quirk, and you were very thankful to have her with you.
“You know, I’ve seen the way he looks at you when you’re not looking,” she said, taking you by surprise. “I know him, and I know he feels just as bad, and it’s worse because he can’t use his Quirk. You should listen to him too, and the opportunity to do so might be right behind you.”
Raising an eyebrow confused, you watched as she motioned for you to turn around, and when you did you felt like crap again: Katsuki was standing right there, hands on his pockets and his gaze avoiding yours. You both didn’t need words to understand what the other wanted, and you got up from your seat even if you knew it could all end badly. Following him, you walked until he stopped in an empty corridor, one far enough from the cafeteria.
He looked out the window, the sunlight just barely reaching his cheeks, making the small scars that now spotted his skin seem more noticeable. You were scared to talk, so you waited for what seemed like an eternity while beside him – you wondered what could’ve been going through his mind, but when you opened your mouth to say something he swiftly enveloped you in a tight hug, the type of hug he didn’t give you often. You were startled at first, but soon your hands made their way to his back, running them up and down and in a circular motion. The way he held you gave you the perfect way to look at the scar on his head; the small spots where the stitches had been looked like a constellation against his scalp, one that made you feel broken all over again.
“It’s okay, Katsuki,” you whispered in his ear, and then you felt warm tears wetting your shirt at the shoulder. Tightening your grip but still careful as to not hurt him, you let him cry silently and tried your best to make the bad feelings disappear, to bask in the sensation that he gave you just by being close to you. “Do you want to say something?” you asked once you were sure he was composed enough to speak.
Pulling away, he looked away for a second before his eyes met yours, full of what you recognized as regret. “I’ve been a shitty boyfriend, haven’t I?” he said, his voice still a little bit hoarse but almost there. “I understand if you don’t love me anymore – I don’t fucking deserve you. There’s no excuse for what I said, none of what happened was your fault, and if you really want to go your own way I won’t bother you. I’ve only hurt you when you were still there for me. I know it doesn’t fix things at all, but I’m sorry, I’m as sorry as someone who fucked up big time can be.” You listened to what he had to say, teary-eyed and feeling the warmth of the sun reaching you as well. Reaching out, you cupped his face with both hands before placing a soft kiss on his lips, surprising him. “You don’t… hate me?”
His apologies never came easy so you had learned to cherish every time he said ‘sorry’ to you, but that one was the one that hit your feelings so much. “You might be a shitty boyfriend,” you said with a smile as a few tears rolled down your cheeks, “but you’re my shitty boyfriend, and I’m just glad you’re here with me now.” You wrapped your arms around his waist and placed your head on his chest, his heartbeat and warmth instantly making you feel safe as he also held you closer to him.
“I love you so fucking much.”
“I love you too, Katsuki.”