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He does not remember what happen to his body, similarly, he does not remember much of the last few years.
He may or may not have been on Earth at some point, but his memory is hazy.
When he asks the healers at the palace, what happened to him? The healers tell him, in exacerbated voices, that he was in an accident where he fell, but he doesn’t remember that. He tells them they are wrong in a slightly slurred voice, but he doesn't think they understand what he was trying to say because it sounds wrong even to his own ears.
----
His mother, Frigga, Queen of Asgard, is always by his side, talking to him, holding his hand, helping him eat, or just helping him move his hands. He doesn’t remember why he has such a hard time moving his hands, limbs, or really any part of his body.
“Wha happ too me?” He always asks Frigga.
“You were in an accident Loki, my child.” Frigga always replies, voice sounding strangely strained and eyes watery.
But he doesn’t remember an accident and tells his mother so, who always gives him a sad smile and a kiss.
----
He lives in a room that is not his and tells everyone where his room actually is, in the west tower. But everyone tells him this room, that is not his, is only temporarily his, until he gets better. When he asks them what happened to him, everyone tells him he was in an accident, but he doesn’t remember that and tells them so.
They, the healers, servants, and guards that help him, always seem to give him a sad smile or gently squeezes his hands.
---
Loki's food isn't food he remembers ever eating; it is smaller, softer, smoother, and blander. He doesn't like it.
He also doesn't like that his mother forces him to eat it anyways, going as far as helping him to eat by bringing the utensils and food up to his mouth.
Loki doesn't understand why he has to eat this food, or why he needs help to eat, or why sometimes his throat seems to stop working for a second and he chokes on the food.
He wants to ask why, but he feels to upset and embarrassed by the situation, and just feels mad and doesn't care if he makes a mess or is being difficult. He just doesn't understand why this is happening to him, and he doesn't like the answer they keep telling him about an accident. Loki doesn't remember an accident.
---
Sometimes he hears his mother and the healers talking, saying he isn't getting enough food in his system or that he is having a hard time taking the pills he needs, and they feed him through a tube that is attached to his stomach. He doesn't understand why he is having such a hard time eating or why he needs to take pills or even remembers when a tube was attached to his stomach.
When he asks the healers and his mother his questions, his mother always swipes his face with a napkin, brushes his hair out of his face, and tells him he was in an accident.
But he doesn’t remember an accident and tells his mother so. Loki doesn't miss the looks the healers share among themselves at his answer, but Loki is having a hard time understanding what their look means, but he thinks it looks sad.
----
Loki needs help in the washroom, whether it is to bathe himself or go to the bathroom, and he hates it and doesn't understand why.
Loki doesn't remember when he started receiving help from healers, servants, and guards in the washroom, or for how long he has been receiving help, but he does remember when he first noticed his mother was in the room helping him.
He was naked, sitting in a bathing chair that a guard had helped him in and was helping him stay up in, while servants were bringing in clean clothes and fresh tubs of warm water. The healer was cleaning out the tube attached to his stomach and its opening on his body as well as replacing his catheter that he didn't realize he had on his person.
And his mother, his mother was bathing him like a child.
Loki doesn't remember much, but he does remember his feeling of shamed and embarrassment at that moment and how he started to cry.
Loki doesn't understand what is happening around him or why he is like this, and sometimes he feels so overwhelmed, it scares him.
Loki couldn't put it into words then or even now why he was so upset when his mother asked him what was wrong. But he cried even harder when his mother wrapped her arms around his naked upper body, kissing the top of his head, while rocking him gently.
He felt so embarrassed, and wanted everyone, especially his mother, out of the room. But he also just wanted to stay in his mother's arms, where he felt safe because he doesn't understand what happened to himself, and he is scared.
---
Thor, his older brother and crowned Prince of Asgard, visits him sometimes when the healers think he should try standing or walking. Thor is always there holding onto him, making sure he doesn’t fall, but most of the time his legs don’t cooperate and soon the healers bring him a chair with wheels on it. Thor keeps telling him that he will be walking and questing very soon, but he, Loki, is very doubtful.
“Wha happenn too me?” He asks Thor.
“You were in an accident Loki.” Thor chokes out quietly.
But he doesn’t remember an accident and tells Thor so, who always gives him a sad smile and grips his shoulder gently.
----
Odin, his father and King of Asgard, always comes with him and his mother when the head healer wants to talk about his progress. Today, the head healer keeps showing him pictures of him that are not him, and he tells her so.
The head healer tells his parents he is suffering from Capgras Delusion where he has a distorted view on reality believing there are two of himself. He tells her there are two of himself, but she keeps telling him no, there is only one.
She tells him he only thinks there are two of himself because of the accident that damaged his brain, but Loki doesn't remember an accident and tells her so.
Loki feels bad when his mother starts crying when he says that, and wishes he was the other Loki in the pictures, the one who is smiling and standing without any help. He doesn't think that Loki would make his mother cry.
----
His mother is talking to the head healer when his father rolls him out into the hall.
“Wha-t happen-ed too me?” He asks his father.
“You were in an accident Loki.” His father tells him sharply, harshly, looking ahead down the hall.
“'Mm sorry.” He replies to his father. His father looks surprised at him, eyes a little glassy looking.
“What are you sorry about Loki?” His father asks him, kneeling down to face him.
“Causes you hav too deal with a son tha-t was in an accident.” He replied looking into his father’s face.
“Don’t be,” His father replied with a couple of tears coming down from his eyes, pulling him into his arms. “I love my son who had an accident and always will love him even if he never remembers.”
end...