Chapter Text
"Aaaand... action!"
Upon hearing Haseul's confident command as her eyes scanned the clipboard, followed by the thumbs up shown to her by Yerim who was standing behind Camera 2, Heejin knew this was her cue to start reading from the teleprompter.
"Good morning everyone! I'm sure everyone's been dreading this day for the last two weeks but I hope your Winter break was both relaxing and filled with holiday cheer!"
After reading her first line, Heejin maintained her bright amicable smile as best as she could as she averted her eyes to her blonde co-host who she certainly didn't feel like smiling at, at the moment.
But Jungeun was quick to reading the first announcement clearly and confidently, like always. It was as if she wasn't even phased by being in Heejin's presence for the first time in a week. Of course, Heejin wasn't about to let up on her poker face either, but Jungeun's steely confidence was really getting under her skin.
After reading the next few announcements back and forth, Heejin introduced the first video and as soon as she got the nod of confirmation from Haseul, who was wearing a headset and listening for Chaewon's cue that the video was playing, Heejin relaxed her facial muscles and let her facade of easygoing cheeriness fade for a few seconds. She made eye contact with Yerim, who gave her a reassuring smile and mouthed "You're doing great Heejinnie!"
Really, Heejin was just trying to keep her eyes everywhere but on Jungeun. She let them wander again, over to the soundbooth where she knew Hyunjin and Vivi had to be but the new (useless) curtains blocked the way. I miss being able to see Hyunjin during shows, Heejin thought to herself, still bitter their teacher rep had decided it was more professional to only communicate with the sound booth through headsets. What if it's just comforting for me to see my friend while I'm doing a show? Heejin wished she could scream at Ms. Jang and her weird rules and policies she always implemented even if she never so much as watched the broadcasts.
Finally, after what felt like far too long to have been just 57 seconds, the video was ending and Haseul was counting down to when Heejin and Jungeun would be back on air.
Jungeun introduced the next video, and then it was back to awkward silence in the studio.
I shouldn't have agreed to doing a show on the first day back, Heejin thought to herself begrudgingly. Of course, they'd all agreed on doing a show back before the break had began - before everything fell apart. But this was so awkward, it was never this silent in the studio during videos. Usually she'd talk to Jungeun, or just listen. Usually Yerim and Jiwoo would be babbling about God knows what behind their cameras while Hyejoo, the new camera girl, just watched in amazement because of how quickly the two girls could speak when excited.
Things were different now.
Their usual happy place, the AV club, was awkward and uncomfortable and didn't feel like home anymore.
Heejin hated this.
After another few videos, the episode was finally over and Heejin could cry she was so relieved it was over. Of course, she still had the rest of the day to get through now, but like the rest of the club she had first period spare (so they could always do morning announcements) and now she could have some time to herself before second period started. She wasn't sure she was ready to face the world just yet so she took her time collecting her things from the studio.
Getting up from behind the anchor's desk without saying anything to Jungeun felt wrong. Usually, after a show, she'd kiss Jungeun on the cheek and tell her how good she did. Or Jungeun would hold her hand and tell her what a great show it was. Yerim and Jiwoo would yell "Ewwww" in fake disgust, and Yeojin would walk in from the hall and Haseul would cover her eyes as if our displays of affection were somehow unknown to her. Sooyoung, who wrote the scripts, and Jinsoul, who controlled the teleprompter, would laugh about any mistakes we'd made. Hyunjin, who controlled the video switcher, would come in from the sound booth whining about some tiny mistake she'd made that nobody would even notice and Heejin would reassure her that she was being dramatic and she'd probably done a great job as always. Vivi would come in from the sound booth too, and talk quietly to Haseul about nothing Heejin could ever quite hear - because the eldest girl spoke so softly and because Heejin was usually distracted by Jungeun. Chaewon, who controlled the computer, lately would always talk to Hyejoo after the shows because Hyejoo was the newest club member and she always looked at least a bit uncomfortable. Before Hyejoo, Chaewon had been the new girl so she knew all about how that felt.
This was all so painfully routine, so familiar to Heejin that she didn't realize how much she loved the chaos of it all until the first show after winter break ended with silence, with everyone packing up their things quietly and not saying a word to one another.
Jungeun didn't love Heejin anymore.
That had changed everything.
Heejin didn't know exactly where she'd planned to go for the rest of her spare period, but she somehow found herself crying in a bathroom stall which definitely had not been the plan.
She didn't feel like she could talk to any of her friends right now, they'd all look at her with pity and that was the opposite of what she wanted. She wanted them to wave at her in the hallways and text her about all the homework they didn't do and walk with her to the library or cafeteria after a show was done but none of that seemed to matter to them anymore. She lost Jungeun, and now it felt like she was losing everyone else too.
Another sob shook her body as she leaned against a wall of the stall to steady herself.
She heard a group of freshman walk into the bathroom, talking loudly amongst themselves.
"I can't believe they still anchor together!"
"I know right, they looked so dead inside though"
"Well duh they just broke up, they clearly did not want to be there"
"I honestly can't believe they just broke up like that, I thought for sure they'd get married or something"
"Right? I heard it was Jungeun who totally dumped her too, imagine that!"
"No way! Jungeun was a total nobody before Jeon Heejin started talking to her, isn't she like, grateful?
"Eh, Heejin was always clearly more in love. Jungeun never looked at her with the same heart eyes you know?"
Heejin had heard more than enough. She wanted to scream and throw a tantrum and maybe punch one or all of these freshman in the face. "SHE DID SO LOVE ME" she wanted to yell and shout from the rooftops or something. Jungeun had loved her. It had never been one-sided. Heejin knew that. She knew it shouldn't matter what these stupid freshman thought, they'd never know how it felt when Jungeun would wake Heejin up by kissing her neck or how red Jungeun's cheeks would get when Heejin would pull her behind a closed door at a party so they could make out without being gawked at. They'd never know that Jungeun was super clingy and needy when she was drunk. They'd never know the rush of sneaking into your own house at 5am because you'd spent the night at Jungeun's and your parents would kill you if they went to wake you up at 6 and you were nowhere to be found - but it was worth the risk to feel Jungeun's heart beating alongside your own as you fell asleep with her arms around you. They'd never get that, they'd never know just how much Jungeun had loved Heejin and just how great it had felt to be loved by her.
Heejin covered her mouth with the sleeve of her jacket so they wouldn't hear her sob.