Work Text:
They all thought it would be a calm cycle on the Starblaster. One where maybe, finally, they could just relax and take a load off, do some exploring, meet the locals, wind down. After all, they got the Light almost right after they touched down, there should be no shenanigans, right?
Well, on a ship that includes Taako and Lup, that just isn’t possible.
“ TAAKO!” Lup’s shout echoed down the halls of the Starblaster, followed immediately by a minor, yet very loud, explosion. The rest of the crew rushed to Lup’s room, which was probably more accurately The Twin’s room, to find Lup glowering at Taako. She was pinching the bridge of her nose, her ears flat against her head, but she was shaking with quiet laughter. Oh, and her hair was slightly on fire. She had mostly put it out, but a few of the ends were still smoldering. Taako was still in the bed, grinning up at Lup with the most fake-innocent look the rest of the crew had ever seen.
“Yes, Lulu?” He said. “You look nice this morning.”
“Oh it’s fucking on , bro.” A wicked grin spread across Lup’s face.
“I’m counting on it.” Taako shot back, a similar grin widening on his own face.
And thus began the worst prank war in the history of the Starblaster. That first prank that started it all, a delayed Firebolt set on the bathroom door, set the precedent, and soon the entire crew was dragged into it.
Barry woke up to his bedsheets transmuted into cheese.
Magnus followed a very convincing illusion of a dog into a six on one water gun fight where the one (Magnus) had no water gun.
Davenport had gotten his hands superglued to the wheel of the Starblaster.
Merle watered his plants, only to realize that the water had been replaced with a serum that temporarily turned the plants into stone statues.
Lucretia’s hair turned into snakes for a whole day.
But no one had been able to truly prank the twins. They tried, oh did they try, but the only one actually able to prank a twin was the other twin. Barry tried to rig a trap, but the next thing he knew it had been sabotaged and turned against him. Davenport used all the illusions he could think of, but the twins got into the habit of using Dispel Magic constantly. Magnus had resorted to just jumping out at them and shouting ‘MAGNUS’, which….never worked (except on Barry, but he made Magnus swear not to tell). Merle and Lucretia tried to stay out of the prank war, but this now called for desperate measures.
“Ok, ‘Ko,” Lup said, sitting on the floor of their room with a map of the Starblaster between them. “I’ve put delayed blast fireballs here, here, and here, so avoid those. Also Magnus has really liked this spot lately, so he might hide there again.”
“Mhmm, also Barry tried to make an acid trap again, in case we tried to put anything in his room, I just turned the trigger around so it’ll go off when he opens the door instead of us.”
“Nice one.” Lup highfived Taako, then turned back to the map pensively.
“You know, we haven’t pranked Magnus in a while. Cap’n’port got him the last time, it seems only time for him to be pranked again.”
Taako grinned at his sister.
“Don’t worry, I’ve got a good one for Mags.”
They wrapped up their planning for the next day, folding away the map and tucking it below the mattress. Lup got up and got into the bed, but Taako went into the bathroom first. He just the door behind him, and a few seconds later there was a loud squelch , and he let out a shout of anger. The door flew back open and there stood Taako, feet covered in neon green pudding. Lup stifled a giggle, and Taako shot her a glare before stomping back into the bathroom.
The next days pranks went very, very well for the twins. Taako’s plan for Magnus involved making a large cake laced with extreme spices. Now, everyone else was wary of this cake, for very good reason, but Magnus was very easily convinced by cake. Taako watched, a grin on his face that made Magnus a little bit nervous, as he bit into the cake. Immediately his eyes watered and he put down the fork. Taako’s eyes widened.
“Aw, Mags, do you not like it?” He asked, disappointment evident in his voice. He gave Magnus large puppy eyes, his eyebrows furrowing. Magnus sighed, picked up the fork again, and kept eating. Taako watched giddily. At this point, Magnus was very aware that this was a prank, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop eating on the off chance it wasn’t.
Lup wandered into the kitchen then, took stock of Magnus and the tears forming in his eyes from the spice, and Taako with a thrilled look on his face, and grinned, highfiving her brother. She then took a slice of the cake and sat down next to Magnus. Taako raised an eyebrow at her, but she just locked eyes with him and started shoveling cake into her mouth. She didn’t bat an eye.
Later, after Magnus had downed multiple glasses of milk and two whole loaves of bread, Taako and Lup were once again holed in their room to plan the next day.
“So I feel like Lucy and Merle are planning something, but I can’t get a read on what it is…” Lup mused, leaning on Taako’s shoulder. He frowned.
“I think we can afford to deal with that a little later. They’ve only been plotting or whatever for like, a day, it’ll take at least two more for those two. I think,” He said, looking over at Lup with a sly grin on his face, “that we should focus on a certain, how do I say this, nerd?”
Lup rolled her eyes.
“We’ve been pranking Barry all week, dingus, I say we go for Dav or Luce.”
“Ok, ok, I hear you, but! I’ve got some good ideas for Barold.”
“Like what?” Lup sighed. Taako put a hand on his chin like he was thinking.
“Well...we could make his morning pancakes turn into spiders, you know how much he hates spiders, or we could redecorate his room with a whole bunch of that fake fire you made, or here's a really really good one, we rig a door so that when he opens it a whole bunch of hearts appear in the air and-”
“-Taako-”
“-or we could just forgo subtlety at all and make it so that when he wakes up his room is decorated with-
“- Taako -”
“-a bunch of merch stating ‘Lup is in love with you, you dense motherfucker’.”
“Taako that's a shitty idea and you’re a shitty person.” Lup stated, face deadpan as she glared at Taako. Taako leaned into her and batted his eyes.
“I know, you love me though.” He smiled widely. Lup groaned.
“I’m not fuckin’ pranking Barry to tell him I love him.”
“But...you do love him.” Taako’s tone was suddenly serious, and Lup snapped to look at him. He was watching her closely, his expression surprisingly open. He was...curious. That was the main emotion. But she also saw he was….proud? Lup smiled softly to herself.
“I...I guess I do, yeah.”
“I’m happy for you.” Taako said, his voice completely sincere. “But in order for me to be really happy for you, you gotta fuckin’ tell the guy. He’s head over heels for you, Lulu.”
“Mmmmmmmm, or I don’t? That seems like a good option.”
“Lup c’mon! You’re killing me here!”
“Good, I’ll see you in a few months!”
“If you won’t ask out the dude of your dreams when he’s right here, then I guess I have no chance of ever being your maid of honor.”
“Don’t guilt me into this, Koko, it’s not gonna work.” Lup warned. Taako shrugged.
“It was worth a shot. Now, seriously, if you’re not gonna let me prank your total future husband, what the fuck are we doing here?”
“I still think we go for Lucy.” Lup said, grateful for the topic change. “I can make all her journals look like they vanished, or you could cover them in that pudding I made you step in last night?”
“Fuckin yes , we’re doing the pudding. That’s it, that's a wrap, pudding journals are perfect.” Taako clapped his hands together and grinned widely. He hopped up, grabbing Lup’s hand and helping her stand. They left the room, heading to the room Lucretia had claimed as her office, giggling in hushed tones as Lup unlocked the door. It only took them five minutes to enchant the journals, and when they left the room they leaned against the door for a second.
“Hey, just so you know,” Taako started, “if I can’t prank your future husband, then if I ever nab a guy that seems to possibly fill that position, you can’t prank him, k?”
Lup made a face.
“I really can’t make that promise, ‘Ko. You know that.” She said, shaking her head.
“Fuck, fine, that was a stretch anyway.” Taako acquiesced, pushing himself off the door. The twins made their way back down the hallway, until Lup put a hand on Taako’s shoulder.
“Hold on, what’s that noise?” She asked. Taako’s ears perked up, and sure enough there was light talking coming from Merle’s room. Lup raised an eyebrow at her brother.
“Wanna listen in on their planning?”
“Who do you think you’re talking to?”
Lup knelt down and peeked through the keyhole while Taako pressed his ear to the door. They could hear what Merle was saying crystal clear.
“Your tendrils are looking great today…” He said, his voice low, and Lup audibly gagged, grabbing Taako’s wrist and dragging him away from the door.
“What the fuck , Merle?” She shouted, and the door opened to reveal Merle holding a small ivy plant in his hand. He was doubled over laughing. Behind him stood Lucretia, looking disgusted, but proud at the same time.
“I guess you could say, you two just got pranked?” She said, a grin spreading across her face, and this time both twins gagged.
“THAT'S IT EVERYONE!” Taako yelled down the hallway. “PRANK WAR IS CANCELLED , BECAUSE SOMEONE IS FUCKING GROSS !”
Laughter came from down the hallway, obviously Magnus.
“OH, DID MERLE DO THE THING?” Barry yelled back. The anguished groans of Taako and Lup were answer enough and soon his laughter followed too. It took the better part of an hour for the twins to calm down, but once they were headed back to their room, Lup put her hand on Lucretia’s shoulder.
“Oh, Lucy, I know the prank war is over now, and so I’m sorry about your journals.” She said. The comical widening of Lucretia’s eyes and the speed at which she spun and sprinted to her office had the twins falling on each other with laughter as they shut the door to their room.
Taako woke up in his bed, years and years later, with the cooling presence of Kravitz next to him. He found himself smiling, and got up to make some pancakes. Kravitz had just come back from a particularly long bounty, he deserved Taako’s breakfast skills. But as he went to put his feet in his custom made skull slippers (‘See, they’re like your face, Krav!’), he found his toes covered in a thick, cold, goo. He looked down, his gut plummeting, and sure enough there was bright green pudding seeping out of his slippers. He sighed, sat back down, and shouted loudly, waking Kravitz with a start.
“I THOUGHT WE MADE A PROMISE , LULU!” He yelled, and he heard cackling from down the hallway. Soon Lup and Barry entered the room, and Barry started laughing as he saw the bullshit his wife pulled. Lup just grinned slyly at Taako.
“Actually, I never agreed to that promise, ‘Ko. Nice slippers, by the way.” She said cheekily, before darting back out the door and down the stairs.
“It’s on , Lup!” Taako shouted after her.
“I’d hope so!” She called back. Kravitz sat up next to Taako, frowning.
“What exactly is ‘on’?” He asked. Barry hurried over, putting a hand on Kravitz shoulder. He was staring at Taako with the face of a man who knew exactly what was going to happen, and never wanted to be involved ever again.
“We should go.”