Archive of Our Own ^beta

The pain came first; before anything else would start it would be the pain that would strike first. Immobilizing him to whatever would come after that. Sometimes it would be fear, the knowledge that an opponent was waiting in the shadows to the attack; other times it was the loss of a loved one, Thor. Neither of it was real; he knew that for the real motive was to spur into action enough that he would reach for magic and it was only when he found it all gone that the loss came into place.

Time, sense and reality held no meaning anymore for he could remember neither. Life was flashing, bright and dull, sharp and soft, momentous and simple; everything was in pieces and he’d given up long ago on trying gluing them back together. It took too much effort and nothing every stuck in the way he’d put it, every time he came back something would have changed and Loki grew tired.

Besides, through the ever changing moments and instances there was one constant always and Loki clung to that, clung to the memory and emotions of that one rock because no matter what changed, Thor was always there.

Thor, who was real and solid, comforting and protecting, brave and emotional and always, always there.

Some days there were more people with Thor and some days he was scared of them because he didn’t know who they were. There was a kind man with glasses who gave him water and who asked him questions, there was a woman with red hair who looked stern but helped him stand when he’d fall sometimes. But some days he remembered who they were and he tried to ignore them all, ignore the fact that he was in this position because they managed to best him.

But no matter what, every day without fail, Thor was there. He helped Loki get ready in the morning, talking all the while about pranks they’d played millennia ago and Loki would let him talk because it felt good to be a part of a conversation where he could answer questions.

He knew how much it hurt when he sometimes asked Loki something and he couldn’t answer, so he tired making up answers, hoping he was right and when Thor would smile and start talking about the other people around them Loki would feel the heaviness in his chest lift. Making Thor smile everyday was a better way to focus his attention than to try and get his memories back.

On the days he remembered more, at least more than he had before, Loki would realize that his hard work and all the research Thor was doing was futile, he would get nothing back till his magic was returned and as there were no signs of that happening he knew was forever cursed to this existence as neither of them would ever go begging to the All Father.

But then Thor would enter the room, laughing and smiling about something that happened on Vanahiem all those years ago and Loki would smile back, because Thor was here and nothing else mattered.