Work Text:
Twenty two months after the end of the Reaper war and twenty four months after genophage cure was dispersed on Tuchanka, John Shepard was cleared by his medical team for space travel. He was still not fit for active duty and was still on medical leave.
He had come a long way in his recovery after the destruction of the Citadel. Recovery from the physical injuries had progressed well to the point that Shepard could walk for short distances unaided but still required a cane for longer walks as his hip would threaten to seize up. The injuries to his mind were another matter. Harder to diagnose and even harder to treat, no doubt in part to Shepard's stubborn nature and his prior tendency to internalize the trauma he endured for the sake of the mission. The nightmares that were a common occurrence during his hospital stay had reduced in frequency over time, especially after he was reunited with a certain Major Alenko three months on after the Normandy returned to Earth, but not necessarily in intensity.
The most memorable nightmare episode occurred near the end of his hospital stay when he awoke with such a loud scream that it startled half the occupants on that floor of the hospital, a testament at least to the fact that his lung function was nearly back to normal. In this particular nightmare he was facing off against the human reaper on the Collector base. An intense battle that was stressful enough but made worse when the face of the reaper altered to resemble an angry Jack, complete with tattoos, who yelled "You did this!" It was about to crush him with a tattooed reaper hand when he awoke with a loud scream. Why his subconscious chose to mash these things together was not entirely clear when he discussed the nightmare at his next therapy session. Jack survived the Collector base and the destruction of the reapers, and was still alive and well as far as he knew. The usually stoic Shepard was eager to retell this nightmare in no small part because it made him laugh as he confessed that the only thing scarier in the universe than a reaper was an angry Jack. When his therapist indicated that perhaps this was an indication he was making good progress if he could find humor in such a dream, it seemed to resonate with Shepard as entirely plausible.
Having come so far in the long and arduous recovery process, there was something that Shepard realized he missed the most and that was to be out amongst the stars. Kaidan was not entirely convinced this was a good idea given only a handful of the mass relays had been repaired, and to find travel between systems was still a logistical nightmare, but Shepard could be very persuasive.
"Tuchanka." Shepard said one lazy Sunday morning as he looked out the kitchen window at the Alenko family orchard.
"Mmm? What about Tuchanka?" Kaidan replied, knee deep into the content of a data pad.
"We've never been. Together, I mean."
"No, I guess not. I was still in the hospital most of the times you were there after Mars."
"We should go."
"To Tuchanka?! If this is your idea of a romantic getaway Shepard, I have to say, it uh.... needs some work."
"They have thresher maws there. Big ones!"
"Wait." Kaidan says as he puts down the data pad. "You're not going to use that pick-up line on me again, are you?"
"You remembered" Shepard grins.
"How could I forget? It was our third date and you greeted me with 'is that a thresher maw in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?' "
"It made you laugh didn't it? You were always so serious back then, I liked making you laugh. I love it when you're happy."
"You make me happy John, bad pick-up likes and all."
"It's been two years since Mordin died there too. It'd be nice if someone remembered him and the sacrifice he made. The krogan probably won't, not through official channels anyway, so I thought maybe we could do something."
Kaidan gave him a warm smile. It was just like Shepard to care about his former crew like they were family. "That's a wonderful idea , John. As long as you think you are up for something like that, I can make some inquiries."
"Yeah, I think it would be good for both of us to go off world for a while, be back out among the stars, and maybe you can show me a thresher maw or two while we're there."
"You're insufferable."
"But you love me anyway."
"Lucky for you."
"I love you too."
Kaidan did some digging with his Spectre access to see if there were any Alliance ships schedules to head to Tuchanka in the near future. The Normandy was currently in dry dock for what official records indicated was regular maintenance, but it was to install upgrades to the drive core and weapon systems based on technological improvements learned from the Crucible project, so that option was not available. The cruiser SSV Emden was scheduled to leave Earth in eight days to make a stop on Tuchanka for a crew transfer and then head out two days later on a classified mission. A small smile graced the Major's face when he pulled up the crew manifest to the Emden. It looked like the stars couldn't have aligned better when he read the name of its current CO, a certain N7 by the name of James Vega.
Any intel Kaidan could access on the classified mission was heavily redacted but he had a pretty good idea what it may be about. There had been rumors that all the rachni that were left stranded near the Sol system after the crucible fired had mysteriously disappeared in the past two weeks, recently having made their way to the Shadow Sea, drawn towards some unknown goal. This suggested that the mass relay there was now operational, perhaps repaired by the rachni themselves. This also meant that the former colony on Horizon was now much more accessible. Any remaining technology and data from the human experiments Cerberus conducted there would not be something the Alliance would want to fall into anyone's hands, especially possible Cerberus sympathizers. If this was where the classified mission would take the Emden, it might benefit the mission to have them on board given they both had actually been through the Sanctuary facility. Kaidan also saw an opportunity to do a side mission of his own while he was on Horizon.
Kaidan went the next day to discuss the matter with Admiral Hackett. He could have used his Spectre authority to get them on board, but he preferred to go through official channels first. The Admiral had his usual stone cold demeanor on display as Kaidan explained the benefit of having himself and Shepard on board the SSV Emden if in fact the cruiser was on its way to Horizon. It did not seem like the Admiral was going to go along with this venture until Kaidan brought up his own side mission. Kaidan had finished with "We can log this under Spectre business in the ship's mission logs to keep the Alliance clear of any involvement." After a few moments of silence, the Admiral responded with "Permission granted, but I want a full report on the success of your mission", the smallest of grins breaking his stone cold demeanor.
When Kaidan broke the news to Shepard later that day that he had found them passage to Tuchanka, it was clear this was going to be a great benefit for them both, but especially for Shepard. He was like a kid in a candy store for the rest of the day, talking about his adventures on Tuchanka, the pet varren he used to visit, Grunt's rite of passage, the interesting conversations he used to have with Mordin, including the time Mordin assumed his frequent visits meant Shepard wanted a more intimate relationship. Kaidan had to laugh at that and commented "I guess I'm lucky Mordin turned you down."
So with that, a week later Shepard and Kaidan found themselves one crisp fall morning at the Earth Alliance docks waiting to board an Alliance cruiser. Shepard was told the name of the cruiser, but Kaidan had decided to keep the name of its CO a secret until they were at the boarding platform.
"I think you might know the Commanding Officer" Kaidan whispered as they approached the ramp.
"Who.... oh...damn..." Shepard replied as he saw James standing there, James barely able to contain his grin behind military protocol. The Major and Shepard gave him a crisp salute which was quickly returned.
"Major Alenko and Commander Shepard requesting permission to board" Kaidan declared.
"Permission granted" James replied "Welcome aboard."
With military protocol out of the way, James quickly burst out in a large grin as he vigorously shook the hands of his two friends.
"Damn, it's good to see you two! You're looking great Shepard, much improved from when I last saw you in the hospital."
" Thank you James. It's great to see you too" Shepard replied with a small smile. "Command suits you. "
"Thanks, Loco. I learned from the best. I'll have a hard time filling your shoes, but I'll do you proud. How's the orchard, Major? Do they let you use your biotics to pull the apples out of the trees?"
"I don't think biotics are suited for apple picking, unless you're looking for apple sauce. It's beautiful there this time of year. You should come by some time for a visit."
"So... you two married yet?"
"Huh? No" Kaidan answered, caught off guard but careful not to dwell on Shepard's long recovery process. "We've been so focused on rebuilding and repairs. This is the first chance either of us have had for space travel in the past two years."
"Well, I'm glad we can help with that. Just make sure I get an invite if you do tie the knot. Don't want to miss the nuptuals of the century."
"We could make it Spectre access only, if you want to go overboard about it" Kaidan teased.
"Ohhh, you cut me, Blue. Glad to see you haven't lost your edge."
The two travellers settled in for the flight as best they could. There was some gawking and whispers amongst the crew at the start. It was not an everyday occurrence to be in the company of the first two human Spectres, including the legend himself, Commander Shepard. In the mess hall later that day James and Shepard regaled the crew with stories about Tuchanka, especially the time the two of them, along with Garrus, had to face down a reaper on foot and watched it get destroyed by a thresher maw. Shepard also mentioned that Mordin died that day, and that he hoped his sacrifice had made a difference.
Tuchanka, November 3, 2188 CE
Tuchanka was different. There were still large desolate areas covered in rubble, but there were pockets of renewal and rebirth that were amazing to see, and there was an energy that was not there the last time Shepard was here. To see a planet come back from all that destruction, and the parallel with his own recovery was not lost on Shepard. It was further affirmation that perhaps all that he had endured would not stop him either. The krogan were busy building a better world for themselves and their children. It appeared the things Shepard had done for the krogan had not been forgotten. Some of children they came across had been named after Shepard. This prompted Kaidan to ask in jest if there were any ex-girlfriends on this planet he should know about. Kaidan's face turned a nice shade of pink when Shepard replied "No, that would have involved too many headbutts. I prefer your kind of butt."
The Emden was scheduled to be on Tuchanka for 36 hours, more than enough time for Kaidan and Shepard to arrange a side excursion to as near as they could manage to the area where the shroud had stood. When they arrived, Shepard placed a few sea shells that he had brought with him on the ground, and then he said a few words.
"We remember our colleague and friend who paid the ultimate sacrifice, without hesitation or doubt, because he believed it was the right thing to do. You gave this world a second chance, and more than that, you gave us all hope for a better future. A future we can now see has begun to flourish. Rest in peace my friend."
"That was beautiful, John" Kaidan said after a long pause. There wasn't much else that needed to be said. The two travellers made their way mostly in silence back to the cruiser to prepare for their departure for their next destination.
After departure from Tuchanka and before their arrival on Horizon, Kaidan and Shepard attended the mission briefing with the members of the landing party, James included. Their insights about the layout of Sanctuary, any potential obstacles, and where to find the Cerberus tech proved invaluable. The mission was to assess whether there was evidence of any recent breach of the facility, and then destroy the Cerberus tech with high yield explosive charges. After the briefing Kaidan advised James that he was to be dropped off at the original colony outpost for a Spectre assignment and that Shepard would be accompanying him. The mission crew were to drop them off before they headed to Sanctuary, and that they would rendezvous at the drop off point for pick up after the mission at Sanctuary was complete.
Horizon, November 7, 2188 CE
After the collector attack and then the reaper invasion, the original colony area sat abandoned but pretty much intact, the reapers had moved on to more lucrative targets after they attacked Sanctuary. After the two of them arrive at the old colony, it is eerily quiet save for the rustle of wind and the footsteps of the two visitors.
As they walk past the abandonded buildings, Kaidan becomes more and more tense, his grip on Shepard's hand gets firmer. This place had witnessed their shared pain. The current stillness is a sharp contrast to their past suffering. When Shepard glances at his companion, he can see Kaidan deep in thought, his brows slightly furrowed. Whatever mission brought Kaidan here, Shepard can't help but think that maybe it wasn't a good idea for them to be here if it is causing his companion such distress. Shepard stops, the sudden tug and separation of their hands has the desired effect as Kaidan also stops and turns around as Shepard speaks.
"Kaidan.... you seem a bit out of it. Are you ok?" A look of genuine concern on Shepard's face.
"Yeah... sorry. Just a lot of memories of this place.... A lot of them bad."
"Maybe we should..."
"Go?"
Shepard lets out a slight chuckle. "I was going to say maybe we should head back to the rendezvous point for the shuttle, but sure, maybe we should go back."
"I wasn't planning to stay too long, but there is something I need to do first before we go."
"Oh?" Shepard says with an inquisitive look.
"Not all my memories of this place are bad. There is one I'm especially fond of. It was almost at this exact spot that I heard your voice, and then I saw you... standing there, alive after two years of thinking, ...of you being dead. I felt such incredible joy in that moment. And when we hugged, I never wanted to let you go." Kaidan's smile was laced with something, something Shepard wasn't sure about. Pain, regret?
"And then I poisoned it with my hurt and anger..."
"Kaidan, don't..."
"It's true though. When you acted so casual about coming back from the dead, I don't know, it made me angry, and seeing you in Cerberus colors only made it worse. I guess deep down I wanted you to feel what I felt those two years you were gone and I threw it in your face, and it all came out badly."
Shepard can see Kaidan's eyes glass over with barely held back tears. "Kaidan, you don't have to do this."
"I know John, but I want to do this. I don't want to live a life of regret, and this is by far my biggest regret. I can only imagine how much what I said to you here hurt you, but I can't take it back. I can only try to do better. I know you forgave me a long time ago, but I needed to find a way to forgive myself. I once told you the way we get past Horizon was to put it behind us and bury it, but I don't want that any more. I don't want to bury the bad memories of this place. I want to take them and replace them with something better. You helped me find that. A way to transform Horizon into something better."
"What do you mean?"
"Even with all my faults, you still love me. More than I can begin to understand, and more than I probably deserve. If there is one thing I am certain of, it's that I love you too, with every fiber of my being. Even when I walked away from you here I still loved you, even if I was too angry and stubborn to admit it. It's always been you since the moment I saw you and it always will be you. You're the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thought I have when I drift off to sleep, and every time I look at you it leaves me breathless. No matter what the galaxy throws at us, I want to be by your side, if you'll let me."
Kaidan gets down on one knee in front of Shepard as he looks into those beautiful blue eyes, a stray tear ghosts down his cheek as he pulls the ring from his pocket and holds it up.
"John Shepard, will you marry me?"
Shepard moves his hands to hold both sides of Kaidan's face as he leans towards him. The sudden shift in momentum sends them both accidently tumbling to the ground with Shepard on top. He plasters Kaidan's face with kisses ending with one lingering deep kiss on the mouth that leaves them both breathless.
"Uh, is that a yes?" Kaidan asks nervously after their lips part.
"Hell yes, that's a yes!" Shepard replies as he kisses him one more time softly, as Kaidan puts the ring on his finger. "I love you so much. There were days during my recovery when I doubted... when I wasn't sure if I would make it, but you were always there for me. You helped me find my way and made it all worth fighting for. There is nothing I want more than to be with you. Always."
"I love you John Shepard, more than anything."
"I love you too" Shepard says as he presses a soft kiss to Kaidan's lips. He can feel his partner smile. Shepard then puts his hands on Kaidan's chest, and pushes himself up to sit next to Kaidan. "There is something I should probably tell you now though."
Kaidan sits up. "If it's about that stash of hot sauce I found behind the canned goods in the pantry, I already know. I mean, who puts hot sauce on their oatmeal?!"
Shepard laughs. " You know I like it hot. Probably why I fell in love with a biotic, especially one as hot as you. No, ...there was another reason I wanted to go out into space. "
"Shepard?" Kaidan asks quizzically.
"It was in space when we met for the first time. You were the most beautiful thing I had ever encountered. You still are, and I am so thankful that the stars brought us together." Shepard pulls a small box from his pocket and opens it to reveal a ring. "I was going to ask you while we were in space on the trip home, in case you said no, but you beat...."
Kaidan stops him mid-sentence with a kiss, and then hugs him close. "Yes. It would have been yes" he says softly into Shepard's ear as he holds Shepard close in his arms.
"Maybe, if you want, you can wait until we are back on board, and put it on my finger when we are out in space like you had planned. Make it doubly official" Kaidan suggests.
"No, no more waiting" Shepard says as he gently takes Kaidan's hand and places the ring on his finger as they both smile. "I've waited long enough."
"I think I'm going to love Horizon now. It gave me you, and a second chance." After a peaceful pause, Kaidan adds "I suppose we should make our way back before we get left behind."
"I don't know. Getting stranded here with you would be kind of romantic."
"It would" Kaidan laughs as they both stand up. "But knowing Liara, she would organize a massive search party, and it might get James in trouble, and when they find us Garrus would lay on a massive guilt trip while his mandibles twitch at us just so... and then there's all the extra reports they'd make me write."
"Well, we can't have that. Don't want to have to deal with a twitchy turian."
Kaidan laughs. "As long as we can deal with it together."
"Together. Always."