Chapter Text
Shigeo is practically falling asleep in his cereal. His head keeps bobbing dangerously and his eyes keeps sliding shut. He has his chin in one hand and a spoon full of milk in the other. He’s not even bothering to try and eat anymore, instead choosing to stare listlessly at the spoon hovering slightly above his bowl.
He blinks slowly and the milk spills off of his spoon and back into his bowl.
He doesn’t seem to notice.
Ritsu watching him from the corner of his eye, lips pressed together and muscles tense. His back is a bit too straight to be natural but the only comment he ever gets is how good his posture is.
He risks a surreptitious look at his parents across the table. They chat pleasantly, with vague smiles on their faces.
Their mother glances over at them, her smile slipping just slightly.
“Shigeo, you should really learn to fix your posture like Ritsu.” Something deep inside Ritsu’s chest twinges away. “You don’t want to ruin your back you know!” She nods her head in his direction before standing up and removing her plate from the table and placing it in the sink.
Shigeo hasn’t moved, hasn’t even shown any sign that he even heard their mother. Still staring at his now empty spoon.
“Don’t forget it’s your turn to do dishes, Shige.” She says absently, and leaves the room to get ready.
Their father has turned his attention to the morning paper. He doesn’t look up.
Ritsu leans over and places his hand on his brother’s shoulder. It takes a moment but Shigeo starts, straightening up and glancing over at Ritsu.
He gives a vacant smile.
“What’s up, Ritsu?”
He looks so tired. The lines underneath his eyes pronounced and shadowed.
Ritsu nods towards Shigeo’s now soggy cereal, “you should finish breakfast so we can head to school.”
Shigeo blinks and looks down at the bowl in front of him. He seems surprised that he’s holding a spoon. (Maybe even surprised that he’s sitting at the table at all.)
He takes another moment before speaking again. Ritsu waits, patient. He knows his brother well, probably more than anyone else he’d like to think. He know Shigeo needs time to think, especially when he’s tired.
He’s tired so often these days.
“It’s my turn to do dishes.” he says, and Ritsu isn’t sure if he heard their mother after all, somehow through the cloud he was in, or if he actually remembered.
Either way Ritsu shakes his head and gives his brother a soft smile, “Don’t worry about it, it’s my turn.”
“Are you sure?” he asks, looking down at his hands, “I could have been sure...”
“Don’t worry about it, Shigeo. I’ll take care of it.” Ritsu stands, grabbing his and his father’s dishes. “Just focus on getting yourself ready.”
Shigeo smiles and he looks so, so tired and Ritsu doesn’t understand.
Eventually their father leaves to get ready and Shigeo wanders away from the table with a few more verbal nudges. He leaves his bowl (still full of milk and soaking cereal) but Ritsu has a feeling it’s more because he forgot it even existed at all rather than simply forgetting to bring it to the sink.
Ritsu spends more time then he should with his hands submerged in near boiling water. His hands tingle and feel slightly nub when he bends them to scrub at the dishes.
There’s something wrong here and he doesn’t know what it is. Doesn’t know why nobody else is noticing it.
Not even Shigeo seems to notice anything.
Whenever Ritsu asks he always says he slept ‘fine, thank you, Ritsu’ and that was that, apparently.
He watches the the water drain slowly, suds collecting on the sides of the sink. He feels like they’re twisting down, backwards and out of control and he doesn’t know how to fix it.
No one will let him fix it.
His mother comes back to the kitchen, face made up and jewelry placed just so. She smiles at him briefly until she catches sight of his wet hands.
She sighs.
“Ritsu did you do the dishes again? You know you can’t keep doing this for him.” Her eyes are drawn up in pity and her mouth is turned down in disappointment.
Ritsu clenches his slick, soapy hands into fits. Resting them against the edge of the sink.
“Mom.” he says, and she hums, twisting at one of her earrings. “Mom, something’s... off with Shigeo. He’s tired all the time-”
“He’s just not getting enough sleep.” She says, “I try and tell him he needs to go to bed on time but you know how your brother loses track of time.” She smiles and there’s the problem.
“That’s what I mean,” he tries again, “he keeps forgetting things. It’s like he’s not even here half the time-”
“You worry too much.” She laughs and ruffles his hair. “I’m going to be late for work if I don’t hurry. Make sure your brother makes it on time.”
And with that she leaves him with soap dried hands and messed up hair.
He stands there for as long as he dares until he leaves to find Shigeo standing in the center of his room looking slightly lost.
Ritsu helps him get ready.
(Something twists in his gut as Shigeo smiles in his direction but not quite at him.)
They had to school together and once again Ritsu is glad he and Shigeo are finally back at the same school.
His mother had tried to convince him to go to a ‘better high school’, a more prestigious one. But the idea of being in the same school as his brother again was too appealing. It was closer and more affordable and he’d be able to watch out for his older brother.
It was still a good program and Ritsu knew his parents didn’t really have the money to send him to some fancy highschool anyways. It didn’t take much to convince his mother it’d be more convenient for everyone if he went to a closer school. Went to his brother’s school.
So they walked together every day and Ritsu made sure Shigeo didn’t stray too far from the sidewalk and into the road.
Made sure he didn’t make a wrong turn somewhere along the way.
Leaving his brother at his classroom always left Ritsu with a hollow not-quite-right feeling. Like maybe he wouldn’t see him again. Like maybe Shigeo would finally blow away with the wind if Ritsu wasn’t watching him.
He felt childish.
Like when they were small and he couldn’t sleep alone during thunderstorms.
How he would cry for hours whenever their parents left them home alone.
Shigeo would be fine. He was practically an adult and didn’t need his little brother keeping tabs on him. Ritsu was probably worrying over nothing, just like their mother had said.
He tried to convince himself that it was him that needed Shigeo more. Some twisted part of him that wanted control and to feel important and needed. Shigeo was fine on his own and didn’t actually need Ritsu constantly fawning over him.
It twisted deep in his gut and felt almost like the truth, but as he watched his brother make his way over to his desk in almost a daze the small indignant voice that said there’s something wrong became just a bit louder.
Just a bit more forceful.
Ritsu bites at his cheek and makes his way to his own classroom, thankful that there wasn’t another student council meeting to go to. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to focus on a meeting like that.
Wasn’t sure he’d be able to even focus in class.
People greet him with plated smiles and a sea of faces he doesn’t really know. Names float around in his head and he nods and smiles and forces out small talk as he makes his way to his desk.
Now he’s the one who’s in a cloud.
As his classes start up Ritsu allows his mind to wander as he absently takes notes.
Something isn’t right at home. The air always feels lofty and forced and Ritsu never really feels alone anymore.
Something’s wrong with Shigeo, and he shouldn’t let his doubting mind or his unworried mother distract him from that.
He isn’t sure if the uncomfortable air at home has something to do with his parents or with Shigeo. Or maybe it’s both. Maybe Shigeo’s worried about something that’s affecting his sleep.
Something Ritsu should be worried about.
Maybe Shigeo is trying to shield him from whatever is causing him to lose sleep.
Maybe he’s simply stressed about school. About upcoming exams.
Ritsu has told himself over and over that he’s over thinking things. If not about this, then something else.
Things usually turn out fine.
Whatever is ailing his brother will fade away and things will go back to normal.
Except this time it seems to go deeper than that.
Shigeo doesn’t even seem to notice anything is even wrong. He’ll say he slept the whole night. He’ll say he doesn’t know why he’s so tired.
He’ll smile softly to put Ritsu at ease.
Except Ritsu is never at ease these days.
Their parents seem more distant than usual. More and more business trips keep popping up. His brother is never quite all there anymore.
Maybe, his mind supplies, you’re just lonely.
Ritsu clenches the hand that rests on his desk and sits up straighter, trying to force himself to pay attention to the lesson. If he lets his grades drop and loses himself he won’t be good to anyone, especially Shigeo.
He has to stay on top of things. Keep a clear head and keep himself together.
He has to stay focused.
-
After school Ritsu and Shigeo usually made their way back home where Ritsu would excuse himself to his room and do homework until their mother called them for dinner. Then he would usually watch a program with his brother until a reasonable time to go to sleep.
Tonight however, their parents were away at some important dinner party. Ritsu did his homework at the kitchen table while Shigeo sat in the living room and stared at a long cold cup of tea.
They ate the dinner their mother had pre-prepared for them together in near silence and even with the heavy something looming over them Ritsu still felt more comfortable then he has in weeks.
Shigeo insists on doing the dishes. As much as Shigeo ever insists on doing anything.
Then his brother excuses himself to him room under the pretence of ‘doing homework’.
It wasn’t that Ritsu didn’t believe him, but it felt so out of the ordinary his mind didn’t quite want to wrap around it.
He was left in the quiet kitchen with only the hum of the regridorater and tic of the hall clock to keep him company.
The sole light over the kitchen sink casts heavy shadows as the sun sinks behind the horizon.
Ritsu hasn’t been afraid of the dark in years, but shivers still shoot up and down his back as he watches the shadows shift and grow.
Even though he insists that it doesn’t bother him, there’s something deep in the pit of Ritsu’s stomach that curdles at the thought of turning his back to the dark. To the shadows. The refrigerator makes a particularly loud noise. Probably the ice maker dropping frozen cubes but Ritsu still clenches his fists at the noise. Muscles tense and back straight.
He isn’t afraid.
Still, as he makes his way away from the noises of the kitchen and into the living room he flips on every light that he passes. Chasing away shadows into the corners of the house. Corners that he can avoid looking at. Can pretend don’t exist at all.
He curls himself up on the couch against one of the arms, flicking on the television. He flips over to some made-for-tv romcom. Something he hasn’t seen before. Something mindless.
Something his father would laugh at him for watching and his mother would smile at from behind her hand.
Something Shigeo wouldn’t even comment at. Simply watch it with Ritsu if that’s what he wanted to watch for the night.
Ritsu curls closer to himself, arms wrapping around his knees.
It’s not a particularly cold night, and his parents usually have the house at a decent temperature but his arms suddenly have goosebumps covering them.
He shivers.
The movement of actors on the screen cause the light of the television to flicker, and suddenly Ritsu feels as if there isn’t enough light at all, even though he’s practically turned on every light in the downstairs.
His left ear twinges, like it’s heard something that he didn’t quite pick up. He’s staring at the television but he isn’t watching it anymore- hyper-focused on whatever it was that he’d just heard.
what was it?
Ritsu holds his breath, not moving, not turning his head and there.
It sounded like... scratching?
What could possibly-
The sudden laugh track from the program startles him enough to make him jump. He whips his head back up to stare at the screen. He isn’t sure what happened but several characters on screen are laughing.
He breathes out.
He’s getting worked up just because-
Something that sounds like the crackling of a static-y radio sounds around him. The hairs on the back of his neck stand on end and his breath shallows out.
what-
There’s a breathy laughter and it crackles and fizzes in and out and Ritsu can’t move.
The television flickers a few times and suddenly it’s gone. Done.
Another laugh track sounds and it’s too loud compared to the eerie chuckle from before. It causes his ears to twinge and he flinches back, hand scrambling for the remote as he presses the power button with a shaky finger.
The television goes black.
He breathes in and out.
He had to think rationally about this. The electro-waves that sent information to the television probably got caught up in some interference. That’s why it flickered. That’s why he heard... whatever it was that he heard. Some audio from another program that was filtered in with the mix-up.
These things happen, he tells himself.
You’re being ridiculous, his mind says.
A child.
Ritsu Kageyama was a first year in high school. He was no child.
Still, as he stands on shaky legs and heads to his room he pretends to forget to turn off the lights on his way up the stairs. Pretends he’s too tired to stand up and turn off his own light as he curls under his covers and tries to even out his breathing. Tries to sooth his racing heart.
He’s just on edge, he had to calm down.
Nothing was wrong.
Not with the house and not with him.
He had to focus on helping his brother. Making sure Shigeo wasn’t stressed and could somehow catch up on sleep.
He tells himself that he’ll do research after school tomorrow. Look up sleeping problems and how to fix them.
He tells himself that everything was fine even as he pushes himself into as tight of a ball as he can manage.
It would be fine in the morning.