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T'Pol had been asleep for a couple of hours when she felt it. Pain like she'd never experienced sliced through her. Tossing the sheets aside, she clutched her stomach and curled into the fetal position. She realized the swell of her stomach was... was gone! She felt over her abdomen once more, still nothing. Scrambling into a sitting position, she opened her eyes and looked down to see her palms and night gown coated with the green viscous fluid that was her blood. Alarm coursed through her, the baby, hers and Trip's was gone, removed from her body. T'Pol then did something decidedly un-Vulcan, she wept.
She awoke with a start. Immediately her hands went to her abdomen, the curve of her belly was still in tact, she was still pregnant. It was all a dream-- no, it was a nightmare. She looked around the room, reacquainting herself with her surroundings. She was in the guest bedroom at Trip's parents' house. Breathing normally once more, she sat up and continued to protectively caress her rounded belly. Trip came in a moment later, concern written all over his face.
"You all right?" he as asked as he sat down beside her.
"I'm fine," T'Pol answered, her shaky voice betraying the cool response.
Trip took a good look at his wife, her controlled expression spoke nothing of the fear, and panic he felt coming from her through the bond they shared. He may not yet be fluent in her native tongue, but Trip was fluent in T'Pol, and she was anything but 'fine'. He took one of her small hands into his larger one.
"You're shakin' like a leaf darlin'. What's the matter?" he asked.
"Nothing is wrong," she said placidly hoping to put an end to this discussion.
"All right, if you say so," Trip said, letting it go for now.
Changing the topic, he asked how the baby was since he noticed T'Pol continually rubbing her belly. Before she got a chance to rein in her response to that nightmare, panic surged through her once again, and she knew Trip felt it. She saw his frown, and the growing concern lace his features once more.
"T'Pol, is the baby okay, are you feeling okay?" Trip asked, his worry evident in his voice.
"I am well, Trip, as is our child," T'Pol responded. Trip regarded her for a moment, letting his tongue roll against the inside of his cheek, he decided to change tactics. There was a reason for the panicked anxiety coming from T'Pol. He just had to find a different way of getting at what it was. He stood to leave.
"You should get some rest," he said softly, before turning away. T'Pol kept a hold of his hand.
"Will you stay with me for a moment?" she asked with a softness to her voice Trip hadn't thought possible.
His face lit up in a beaming, dimpled grin. "Of course I will." Suddenly T'Pol was overwhelmed with the illogical need to be held by her adun. Slipping into bed behind her, Trip obliged. His hands joined hers in caressing her swollen belly. They stayed like that, enjoying the quiet for a moment.
Finally T'Pol broke the silence. "I had a... dream... a nightmare," she started. "I am unaccustomed to dreaming, it was... unsettling," she finished, finally revealing to Trip the source of her distress.
Ah, so that's what bothering her, he thought. "Aww darlin'— " Trip started but was cut off by the gentle roll of their baby inside its mother. "Did you feel that?" he asked excitedly.
T'Pol, grateful to her child for the accidental change of topic, answered, "Yes, the child is beginning an active cycle."
"Feels like she's doin' somersaults in there," Trip said in response to the increased movement. T'Pol turned in his arms to face him.
"Why do you insist on using feminine pronouns when Pholx, at your request, has not given us any indication whether this child is male or female?" T'Pol asked, confused by her mate's behavior. She could feel his amusement at her query.
"Well, it's better than goin' around sayin' 'he or she' all the time," he said laughingly. But then the amusement he felt quickly faded, and T'Pol felt a flash of anger as he continued. "And I'll be damned if I'm gonna use 'it' to describe our baby," he said tightly.
Memories of the mining colony ship and of Paxton flooded her mind as she recalled Trip angrily telling Paxton that Elizabeth was not a thing.
"Would it please you if I were to give birth to a daughter?" she asked, wanting to pull him from his dark thoughts, but also genuinely curious as to Trip's preference.
"Son or daughter it doesn't matter to me as long as our baby's healthy," he said. Normally that's how Trip would answer that question, just to throw off speculation about the baby's gender, but in this case it held different meaning. As long as their child's two halves could happily coexist, Trip would be the happiest man alive.
He slid his hand over her rounded belly once more, and then to her waist, and pulled her close. "Nice try Sub-Commander," he said with a grin. "You were telling me something about a nightmare," he prompted. T'Pol's only response was the raising of an eyebrow.
"I have not held that rank for over five years, and yet, you still insist upon using it," she said, with a hint of exasperation in her voice. Her former rank had become something of a pet name for Trip, and whenever he wanted her attention, he'd use it.
"Humor me, okay," he smiled. The playfulness of the moment faded as T'Pol recalled her nightmare. Trip felt her distress resonate once more through their bond.
"Talk to me darlin'," he said softly as he caressed her cheek, sending her his support. T'Pol looked into his impossibly blue eyes, and described her nightmare.
Trip was empathetic when T'Pol explained her nightmare to him, he now understood the intensity of what she'd been feeling.
"Aw, c'mere," he said, closing his arms around her. "It's okay, it was only a dream," he whispered to her as he stroked her hair. Even as he comforted her, Trip felt she was still troubled by her dream, there was more to it. He tried reading her, but she was blocking him.
"There's more isn't there?" he asked pulling away slightly so he could look into her eyes. He saw those big brown eyes fill with unshed tears. T'Pol let down her barriers, and he heard the one thought that kept repeating itself in her mind.
Trip's eyes were as wide as saucers. "You think if... if something happened to the baby, I'd leave you," he said with a hitch in his voice.
T'Pol winced as Trip put into words her secret nightmare. It would be her undoing, her worst fear realized.
"I would never leave you, adun'a," he whispered before lifting her chin to look into her shining eyes once more. "Why?" he asked, hurt that she would think so little of him.
T'Pol looked into the face of her husband, his hurt evident. She'd done it again. Her bottom lip quivered as she spoke. "I... I have been the cause of so much... pain for you," she began. "It would not be a surprise to me if I had exhausted my chances with you," she finished, her voice barely audible as one lone tear slid down her cheek, unbidden.
Trip let out a bitter laugh, why did everything have to be so tragic with them? He sat up, bringing her with him.
"Stop, just stop," Trip said tightly. "Quit blamin' yourself for the past. We both made mistakes, and hopefully we've learned from them. You're my wife, but I don't think you quite understand what that means to me. I love you and I can't imagine my life without you in it, T'Pol," Trip said, his voice heavy with emotion.
T'Pol could feel the intensity of his words, the strength of his love for her flowing freely through their shared bond, and she was humbled by it. She didn't quite know how to respond. Blue eyes studied brown as they both let his words sink in. Finally she reached up and caressed his cheek. Trip closed his eyes at her touch. T'Pol sent memories of their Vulcan bonding ceremony a year ago. Along with the images, she sent her thoughts at the time. She let him know how she had longed for him to be the one kneeling before her that day at her mother's house instead of Koss. She let him know how much she wanted to be the one bear his children, and finally she let him feel the full force of her love for him.
"I do understand what it means to be your wife, ashayam," she whispered. "I too cannot imagine my life without you in it," she said to him.
Trip smiled, finally, finally, after so many misunderstandings they were on the same page.
"Good, 'cause you're a Tucker now, and Tuckers marry for keeps," Trip whispered before their lips met in a tender kiss.
-End-