Chapter Text
Kagami had never really suffered from The Case of Mondays, but this particular Monday just felt wrong ever since he woke up; he could feel the impending disaster looming over him, contaminating the air. He was so utterly suspicious of everything that even Kuroko’s sudden appearance at his side didn’t manage to take him by surprise. What Kuroko said much later on their way home, however, did – confirming Kagami’s bad feeling, lulled to sleep by the uneventful day at school.
“I have an embarrassing confession and subsequent request to make.”
“Sure,” he muttered cautiously.
“See, Momoi-san had confessed to me yesterday,” said Kuroko, barely hiding his discomfort.
“Oh did she now? Good for her, I guess. About time.”
“Excuse me?”
Kuroko sounded genuinely surprised and Kagami would laugh at his obliviousness if he had been in better mood. He only shrugged and offered Kuroko a lopsided smile.
“Well, she’s been in love with you since forever, right? Everyone knows that.”
“Do they?” muttered Kuroko, frowning in confusion. He sounded displeased now, and even more uncomfortable than before. “Because, to be quite honest, it came to me as such a surprise that I did something unforgivable.”
Great. This day just couldn’t have gotten any worse. Kagami sighed and urged Kuroko to tell him everything. Kuroko seemed reluctant but determined at the same time and it tugged nastily at Kagami’s stomach. What the hell had he done to behave like that now?
“It’s really embarrassing for me to talk about. But I have no choice since it involves you…”
“Me?! What the hell, Kuroko?!”
“I apologize, Kagami-kun, but-” Kuroko sighed in frustration. “Long story short, Momoi-san is now under the impression that you and I are a couple.”
Kagami’s brow twitched as his hand closed on the top of Kuroko’s head in a vicious grip. Kuroko winced slightly in guilt.
“Make the long story long,” gritted out Kagami. “Now.”
“Yes. But can you please remove your hand? I fear for my life.”
“That was my intention,” huffed Kagami, letting his hand drop. “For fuck’s sake, Kuroko! How did manage to turn getting confessed to by a girl into becoming my boyfriend?!”
Kuroko patted his hair back into relative order and scowled, looking for the right words.
“After I rejected Momoi-san and apologized properly, she asked for the reason. Like I said before, her confession came as a surprise to me. I was in such a deep shock, in fact, that when she claimed it was because I was in love with you, Kagami-kun, I completely forgot to deny it. Before I even registered what my dumbfounded silence meant for her, Momoi-san burst into tears and left. I am deeply sorry, Kagami-kun.”
Kagami blinked stupidly as Kuroko bowed in apology. He sighed loudly; really, what else was there to do? Kuroko was hopeless, even more than Kagami apparently. There was no point in getting angry at him, he made a stupid but harmless mistake.
“It’s fine,” he muttered awkwardly. “It’s not the end of the world. Seriously, don’t act like I would be so completely grossed out by the idea of going out with you. You’re not that ugly.”
Even though Kagami never thought about Kuroko – or anyone for that matter, male or female – like that, he was speaking honestly. If he would ever suddenly realize he had the hots for Kuroko, he would be neither shocked or disgusted. They were best friends and they worked together like a well-oiled machine. They got each other; you could even say they were soulmates. Sometimes Kagami thought he didn’t need anyone else.
If Kagami had been better at multitasking maybe he would find the time and energy to think about how abnormal it was for a teenage boy to be so romantically indifferent, but basketball and sleep and food and Kuroko were basically occupying all this time and he really didn’t have any of it left to wonder whether he was gay or straight or something else entirely. It just never seemed to matter; things were fine the way they were and he was never the one to worry in advance.
Kuroko smiled gratefully before drawing his eyebrows together again. Kagami sighed inwardly. Of course, there was more.
“What?”
“My request, Kagami-kun. I’ve thought it through and I have decided it would be best for everyone to… let Momoi-san think we’re together, at least for now. She is a tenacious woman and I’m afraid she would continue to pursue me, try to convince me somehow, if she learned that I am, for lack of a better word, available. So I am really glad you’re fine with this, Kagami-kun. However, I’m certain that Momoi-san has alarmed all of my former teammates by now. Thus, my request is for you to… lie, should any of them ask. I fully understand if this is too much t-”
“Shut up already, or you’ll pass out! That’s the most I’ve heard you talk, ever. Don’t hurt yourself.”
The faint blush on Kuroko’s cheeks nothing but confirmed Kagami’s concerns. Kuroko was visibly stressed by the entire situation and the additional strain of doing something as dishonorable as asking Kagami to lie for him was clearly taking its toll. Kuroko was so ridiculous Kagami couldn’t help but chuckle and ruffle his hair playfully.
“Don’t sweat it, man. Whatever you need. What’s the worst that can happen? Aomine won’t challenge me to a duel, will he?”
Kuroko smiled weakly and nodded. “I’m sure they won’t be too much of a hindrance, if at all. Thank you, Kagami-kun.”
“No problem. Still... Not that it’s any of my business, you don’t have to tell me, but. Why did you reject her?”
Kuroko’s flinch was barely noticeable but it was Kagami’s job most of the time to notice him. Then a mischievous smirk bloomed on his face as he looked up to Kagami.
“I will tell you this as a reward after your noble mission is complete. Is that acceptable?”
Kagami spluttered indignantly. “What am I, your knight in shining armor?!”
“I wonder…” said Kuroko with a thoughtful hum.
“Whatever, freak. And if Aomine does challenge me to a duel and I die, you can’t have my anything! Everything goes to Furi!”
“So cold, Kagami-kun…”
And that was that. The beginning of Kagami Taiga’s Great Monday Disaster.