Chapter Text
Chapter One: Squirrels
Surrounded by SHIELD agents, Loki gathered the power he needed, pulling deep on the ley line he was standing upon. He grinned broadly as hundreds of his doubles outnumbered the SHIELD agents, "Really, Agent Coulson? You think your weapons can take me down? Do you truly believe you have anything in your arsenal that could do anything to bring me to your earth justice?"
Coulson walked forward, his weapon, the last one SHIELD had ever invented to bring Loki down - back when he was considered the worst threat earth had ever faced - held at hip height, pointed toward his old nemeses.
"This gun was made with the co-operation of Asgard. Thor allowed us to test it on him before he left. Just a short burst and he was incapacitated for hours. Every single one of my agents is armed with one of these guns, and one of us will be able to hit you, and more than a few seconds pulse from one of these babies? And you are just a big green smear on the pavement.
Loki pulled his hands back, his grin turning positively feral, but before he could speak,
Coulson walked forward, raised the gun in the air, then, with great ceremony, never breaking eye contact with Loki, placed it on the ground.
Every agent followed, each of them putting their weapons on the ground and taking a step back.
Coulson walked forward, hands at shoulder height, palms forward. "We come in peace, Loki. I'm here on behalf of Director Fury. SHIELD would like to have a word with you, if you don't mind."
Loki stood, confused and baffled expression on his face, hands still at 'zap with eldritch powers' position, his whole body stance ready to shoot first and shoot later.
"I should have thought SHIELD had better things to do than waste my time," Loki sneered, bravado to cover his confusion at their behaviour.
"Yes, I'm sorry to have interrupted your shopping. One of our agents will take your milk and croissants to your apartment for you. We have copies of the keys so they can let themselves in. But right now we really need to have a discussion regarding your contribution to earth's security."
Loki dropped his hands and stood up straighter, his expression now purely WTF.
One of Coulson's agents sidled over, nervously side-eying Loki, picked up his plastic shopping bag, nodded respectfully, and sidled away again. "I'll just put this in the fridge for you, sir," he said, sidling quickly.
"What is going on?" Loki said. "What kind of foolish behaviour is this?"
"If you would come with me, sir, I'll explain everything. We are no longer carrying weapons that can harm you, but I must insist that you come with me."
"And if I refuse?"
"Then I will continue to ask you politely until you acquiesce."
Loki stood and looked puzzled for a little while, then shrugged. "Oh, all right then." It wasn't like he hadn't spent years interacting with SHIELD in various capacities, usually violently, so it wasn't as if Coulson had any threat he didn't already know about or had already experienced.
Coulson didn't look at all surprised at Loki's quick capitulation, which disappointed Loki a little, but was to be expected. It took far more than Loki was capable of to discombobulate Fury's favourite agent.
Coulson walked back towards a SHIELD car, and while he did, another small group of SHIELD agents started pulling panels away from the car, rapidly expanding it until it was a neat little office, four times its original size, table and chairs and tidy windows. Another impressive bit of improbable SHIELD technology.
Coulson led the way inside and pulled up an office chair, offering another to Loki, and they sat at opposite sides of the table. An anonymous agent came in, put coffee on the table in front of Coulson, and a Coke for Loki. Real Coke, cold, from a bottle, no glass, no ice, just how he'd learned to love it. So sweet, so fizzy. Nothing on Asgard could compare.
"Now, Mr… how do you prefer to be addressed? I believe you consider Odinson or Laufeyson inaccurate?"
"Loki is fine," Loki said, with an expression like he'd smelled bad milk.
"One of your fake IDs has the name Skywalker, would you mind if I used that? I'd like to keep this professional."
Loki shrugged indifferently and wondered how many guns were secretly pointed at him, or if the whole office/car was rigged with explosives.
"Mr Skywalker, I would like to talk to you about the Jaeger initiative."
"From what I've heard, that does not seem to be faring too well."
"We've had considerable success against the Kaiju, but as you are no doubt aware, the attacks are happening with greater frequency and they have started to come through in multiples. Stark Industries has been able, with the help of various governments, to create the Jaegers we need to fight the Kaiju, but the difficulty is with the pilots."
"Surely you can find enough siblings and intimately married people to pilot the Jaegers as required?"
"Drift compatibility is not always guaranteed, even with twins. It's not just having a similar background to prevent dissonance, there are whole rafts of challenges. Their minds have to be powerful, compatible on every level of biofeedback, and they need to be great fighters. We can find fighters, and powerful minds, and we can find compatible couples, but we can't get every one of those attributes in the same people every time. Truly drift compatible minds are rare."
"So where do I come in? Why do you think any of this would be of interest to me?"
"It is of interest to you because you now make your home here on Earth. Like it or not, welcome or not, this has been your home for some years. You stopped, or at least stepped down your illegal activities some time ago and since you've hardly done anything to warrant intervention from the Avengers, we've left you alone. We have far bigger fish to fry than one lone lost god. While you keep your mischief to nothing more than petty shop lifting and minor harassments, we've let you be. Face it, compared to Kaiju attacks, you're nothing."
Loki raised an eyebrow, but otherwise didn't react to the Coulson's small insult. He'd lost all interest in making trouble for anyone some time ago. He'd been a king, numerous times, and when he'd taken Odin's place on the throne he'd been a great king. Until he'd been so bored he'd abandoned Asgard altogether. Without Frigga, he had no reason to stay and no one to care if he left. Without anything to do, he'd just drifted across the realms until he'd landed on Midgard.
"You've been living here, more or less peacefully, for some time. This world is your home now. SHIELD believes you may be of use in our battles against the Kaiju."
Loki took a sip from the Coke bottle, letting the cold rim of the glass rest against his lower lip while, solely so he could look more disinterested in Coulson's conversation.
"Perhaps, but then again, I can always leave. There are other realms out there, many worlds where the Kaiju have made no impression. I could simply take my leave, spend the next few thousand years on Alfheim and think no more of your stinking little realm as you are ground underfoot of a greater force. Your world will end up as nothing more than Kaiju shit and I need not be here to see it."
"True, but did you read the news three weeks ago, about a Kaiju that washed up near a harbour on the California coast?"
"I care not for your 'news'. I have no love of screaming journalists or overly made up talking heads."
"It was a category three Kaiju. Not the biggest we've ever seen, but nothing to be sneezed at. Given free reign, it would probably have been able to destroy a city had it been able to make land. We saw it come through the breach but it was gone before our Jaeger's got near it."
Loki turned away, looking out of the window of the 'office' at the agents that loitered with intent nearby. He resisted the temptation to flick some imaginary dust off his trousers, but still pretended indifference to Coulson's words.
"Instead of trying to make land, this Kaiju went in the opposite direction, out into deep water. Our Jaegers didn't get to it before it disappeared, the thing just vanished, and the next time we see it, it's a corpse clogging up what remains of our shipping lanes."
"And?" Loki said, with badly feigned indifference.
"So we called in our team to take it apart, to see what killed it. Someone had this great idea that maybe our planet had built a defence against it, like War of the worlds."
"I have seen many wars between worlds. Be more specific."
"It's a famous old story. Aliens came to make war on Earth, and none of our defences could stop them, but eventually they all died of disease. Some virus got to them and wiped them all out. That's what we had hoped had happened here. Some tiny virus finally found the Kaiju and killed it, and we were hoping to harvest that. Weaponise it."
"And?"
"It's brain had been destroyed. Not a virus, but something mechanical. It's whole nervous system looked like it had been… burnt, I suppose is the best way to put it. Not with fire, though. Some kind of force. So, our technical people take it apart, they study it, and finally someone comes back and says it's magic. The Kaiju was taken down with magic. So, guess who we thought did that?"
"Dr Strange?"
"Yep, our first thought. For once he wasn't off soul walking in some other dimension, for once Dr Strange was making himself useful. That's what we thought, but no. He's not powerful enough. He claims he tried but couldn't even penetrate the raw power of the Kaiju brain. They might be stupid animals, but they are big and strong and he couldn't get through. Not the Scarlett Witch, either. None of our magic users have that kind of power. And none of them have the kinds of minds that can be hooked up to a Jaeger. None of them can drift with anyone, and they all fight the connection anyway."
"So then?"
"So then we were able to isolate parts of the damage around the brain stem, and at least Dr Strange was able to identify the signature. You have a very unique magical signature, Loki. Nothing else like it on this planet."
"Do you think I would be so foolish as to take on a Kaiju? Do you think I have the power to take down one of those beasts?"
"No. I know you don't," Coulson took a sip of his coffee, then waved to an agent for a refresh. "We know you can't take one down by yourself."
Loki frowned and glared at the table.
"What we know is that after that thing disappeared, so did you. For a long time. It was more than a month before you turned up again, and you were very, very quiet. We had an eye on every magic worker who is not affiliated with SHIELD to see who was involved, and you came limping out into the light weeks later, looking sick and wasted. You haven't even used your magic to steal a coffee since then."
Sneering, Loki said, "Do you think me nothing more than a common thief?"
"I think that's irrelevant. How much damage did it do? Taking that Kaiju down alone?"
Loki glared, looked as if he could turn Coulson into a toad right then and there, but then just gave up, his face relaxing. "It was foolish. I thought I could do it."
"Did you think you'd be lauded as a hero if you could kill them by yourself."
"I thought I could get some peace and quiet again. My home is quite near the sea," he sipped his cola, and wiped his fingers through the drops of condensation on the table. "I do quite like it here. My home is peaceful and quiet, I see very few people and speak to no one. I can read and spend time alone without the noise of the Aesir or the smells of Midgardians. I simply wanted the Kaiju to stop."
"We all do. What kind of damage did it do to you?"
"It is, as your other magic users have found out, incredibly powerful. It's not magical, and you're wrong when you say they are dumb beasts, they have a rudimentary intelligence and a goal. But when I tried to destroy it, I tried to burn out its brain, and it wasn't a matter of intelligence. Multiple brains, and brains the size of one of your houses. The sheer overwhelming strength burned back along the lines I opened up, and… burned me in return. I think that's the best way I can describe it. The electrical forces of its brain were able to… perhaps it is like your 'drift'? It came back along the drift and burnt my mind. Physically burnt my brain. I nearly died," Loki lifted his chin while lowering his eyes in a way meant to look both regal and encourage sympathy at the same time.
"You defeated it, though. You defeated a Kaiju alone. No one else, not any of our Avengers, not even Hulk. Not even some of the most powerful mutants we have been able to throw at it have been able to do that."
"So what?" Loki could look indifferent like no one else when it was important.
"We need your help."
"And you think I'll give it? You've spent years fighting me, we are enemies, Coulson. I have nothing to offer your world and no desire to do so. I shall leave when it becomes unbearable here."
"Who will feed the squirrels?"
"Squirrels?" Loki was wary.
"Every day you go out onto your balcony and feed the squirrels. You buy peanuts from the local shops regularly. When you were too sick to do so, you just left your window open and let the squirrels into your house so they could eat whatever you had lying around. If you leave, who will feed your squirrels?"
"You think I would put my life at risk for squirrels?" Loki didn't know whether to be outraged or laugh.
"When the Kaiju win, they will kill all life here. Not just the humans, but the squirrels, too."
"So, what is this to me? The lives of a handful of rodents are of no importance to a god!"
"What of Annabel? Isn't she pregnant? Didn't you help her raise her little squirrel puppies last year after that dog killed her mate?"
Loki ground his teeth, "Just how long have you been spying on me?"
"A long time, Mr Skywalker. You used to be considered a threat. Now we would like to consider you an ally."
Loki said and laughed a little, soft and a bit defeated. "Yes, I enjoy the company of squirrels – their intellect is far in advance of most of those with whom I have been acquainted in my life. But I will not put my life on the line for them. No matter how many generations I have helped raise. They are merely ridiculous little creatures who give me some amusement."
"Mr Skywalker, we need your help."
"In what way? I am not going to be drift compatible with any of your pilots, and although I have a reasonably good understanding of your technology, I am nowhere near the level of expertise compared to those you already have on your payroll. And as far as I am aware, I am the most powerful sorcerer on your realm, or any other yet known to us, and my magic cannot hope to stand against the sheer physical might of a Kaiju. When I killed that Kaiju, it nearly killed me. I was in the water for a week, unable to teleport or even swim to shore. I drifted, brain damaged, for days until I was able to teleport myself to a land mass. It took another week before I was able to return home, then, as you saw yourself, I was unable to do anything for a long time."
"If we can find a way, will you help us?"
Loki stared at the little human for a long time and thought of a possible list of demands. He could ask for the world. If he could promise them anything, they would give it. A kingdom of obsequious followers, but he'd had that and hadn't enjoyed it for very long. He could ask for a private island, but that would be destroyed by Kaiju very soon. He could ask for billions of dollars, but once the planet was gone, what could he spend it on? He could ask for his enemys' heads served to him on a silver platter, but most of them were long gone or he just didn't care any more. He could ask for anything he wanted, but he realised they had so very little to give. He should just leave. Take his suitcase and fill it with the few little treasures he'd found on this planet, and go somewhere else. Create a world where he and his squirrels, for he wouldn't leave them behind no matter what he'd said to Coulson. He could start again. Maybe the squirrels would enjoy Alfheim, despite there being no winter, no need to store their hoard of nuts. He could ask for anything or go anywhere and not have to listen to this drivel. The thought was just exhausting, and in a little way, another thousand years alone on Alfheim filled him with a hollow sort of dread. He just knew the squirrels would hate it, too.
"All right," he said, finally.
Coulson was quiet and puzzled, and Loki had to smirk, just a little, because in all of their squabbles and battles, he'd never managed to stump the man.
"You will help us?" Coulson asked, taken aback.
"I said all right, didn't I?" Loki said with fake irritation.
"Just like that," now Coulson was suspicious.
"Yes. What else am I going to do? Leave? Demand you hand over your country and worship me like a god? You have nothing to offer me, and I have nowhere else to go. I will help you. Just like that."
"Mr Skywalker, what is your angle?" For the first time, Coulson looked like he was thinking about getting angry.
"You came to me, Agent. You begged me for help," he hadn't begged, but Loki would take what he could get. "You are right, I do like it here. And… I owe you."
"You what?" Coulson looked puzzled.
"When I see what has become of your world, it saddens me. I see what these giant beasts do to your cities and your people, and think of what I have done and I feel… ashamed." Loki could feel the little tingles of shame, even now. "I did such damage myself, out of my anger and the madness of finding out my life was a lie. My anger was justified. My absolute fury at what had been done to me was righteous and good. But what I did to your world? For that I am ashamed. I should have taken my rage to Asgard, to those who hurt me, but instead I behaved as no more than a feral dog, tearing apart a family of squirrels. You did nothing to deserve my anger, and I've done nothing of which I am proud ever since. My behaviour has been vicious and petty and pointless. Even if I had achieved my goals, which were ill defined at best, what would it have mattered in the face of what your world has become? So, yes. I will help you."
Coulson was quiet for a moment, obviously not having expected such a quick capitulation.
"Well. Okay, then. What do you expect in return?"
"What do you pay normally?"
Coulson blinked in surprise, but didn't miss a beat. "We offer an attractive salary package, although most of our employees prefer to take their pay in food and goods, rather than money now. We offer medical and dental care. But I'm sure you have other demands."
"No. That will do fine."
Coulson gave a disbelieving eye brow. "No demand that we kneel? No demands for your own kingdom?"
"After this? What shape would a kingdom be in? Do you have any idea of the amount of work that would be involved in being a king of a ruined land? Agent Coulson, I may be a power hungry despot, but I have no interest in doing the work involved, or I would still be sitting on the throne of Asgard!"
Coulson almost couldn't hide a smile.
"Then, Mr Skywalker, I shall ask you to come with us as soon as possible. I shall arrange for someone to take care of your property and pets while you are with us."
"I still don't know what it is you think I can do."
"I will explain to you when we get to the Shatterdome."
"Why do you insist on such ridiculous names for everything?"
"I believe, as it was explained to me, that it's 'fun'". Coulson made air quotes around the 'fun' part, obviously not agreeing. "It gives people a feeling of confidence. Stark comes up with even more ridiculous names for the Jaegers he creates, so you'll just have to get used to it."
"So, when do we start?"
"If you'd like to come with me?"
An agent came running past with a suitcase Loki remembered. "That's mine!"
"We had someone pack some things for you while we were talking."
"You were confident I would say yes," Loki was pissed at being taken for granted.
"No, but we wanted to be prepared."
"And if I had said no?"
"Then I would have kept asking. We are very desperate, Mr Skywalker. I'm glad you said you'd help us so quickly, it did save a lot of time."
"How much torture would you have tried had I said no?"
"None," Coulson said, folding himself into the back of another car and gesturing for Loki to follow. "We need your willing co-operation. As I said, we are desperate. There are pretty much no lengths to which I, and the rest of SHIELD, will go to try and save our world."
"You will, what's the saying? Get into bed with anyone now?"
"Yes," Coulson said with a completely serious expression.
"I should have asked for something outrageous," Loki mused.
"What would you like? If it makes you happier to stay on and help us, then we are willing to accommodate your demands."
"I should think you would have nothing to offer me that I would want."
"We would try."
Loki paused a moment, "You offer food and goods in place of salaries, you said?"
"Money has little value when there is little to buy."
"Then I shall demand extra food rations. I find I need more to eat than most humans. I have always been a person of large appetites, so I will require more food."
"Of course. We have spent years dealing with Thor Odinson and his food requirements. We have already built into your contract that you will receive extra food rations as required."
"Contract?"
"Standard contract. You needn't sign if you don't wish to. But it will give you an idea of the basics we are offering, and we are prepared to give you whatever you desire as long as it's within our means. Whatever you need to make this happen."
"I'm almost disappointed. I would have preferred some…"
"Drama, sir?"
"Yes. Some drama. I do so enjoy some drama. Some… posing. And cackling."
"You have always done the most impressive posing and cackling of all of SHIELD's enemies," Coulson said accommodatingly, not hiding his own smirk.
Loki laughed in his stead, amused by something other than squirrels for the first time in a long time. "Thing is, there really is nothing you could offer me. And, as I said, I'm actually quite happy to help. It's better than doing nothing all day, sitting around waiting for my brain to heal."
"I'm sure you'll enjoy having a goal to achieve. And everyone will be very grateful. If you are able to help us, I think you'll enjoy the response."
"You think I'm so desperate for worshippers, that this is the reason I would help you?"
"No, I think you're lonely. And I think you're sick of being the bad guy. If you help us, a lot of people will be willing to overlook a lot of criminal acts. You'll be staying on base, in the same basic issue room as everyone else. You'll be given the same uniform as everyone else. Treated the same as everyone else. And you'll have a chance to mingle with people again. Perhaps we are little more than dogs compared to Aesir, but I'm sure we're better conversationalists than squirrels. You will have a chance to do something good for a change. And you'll also get extra snacks."
"That was both incredibly insulting and…"
"Accurate?"
"Yes," Loki growled and looked out of the window.
"If it makes you feel any better, the canteen in the Shatterdome does a great lasagne. Twice a week due to popularity. We don’t ask where they get the meat. No one wants to know. Could be Kaiju. I don't ask. I just eat. It's very good. Very cheesy. I have no idea where they get the cheese, either. Oh, and they make their own potato chips. Excellent. You'll like that."
"Is that how you motivated Thor to help you? With extra food rations?"
"No." Coulson didn't elaborate.
"That's one thing that will be non-negotiable. I will not work with Thor. I will not drift with Thor. If you think I will pilot a Jaeger with him, forget it. We would not be compatible, we are different species. And I refuse to acknowledge or talk with him in any way. You will keep him away from me or I will simply walk."
"We haven't heard from Thor in over six months," Coulson's expression didn't change. Still the same tiny smile he always wore. "He said he'd heard from Heimdel that the Kaiju had also been seen on Asgard and he had to go back and defend his home world. We haven't heard from him since. We have had no contact."
"Asgard is much smaller in physical size to Earth. It's just a crust, a platform, the remains of a world," Loki said quietly.
"Yes, I've seen the holographic maps Thor brought back to show us."
"It has only a small ocean, very close to the land."
"Yes, I know."
"It would be very easy for Kaiju to get to Asgard once the ocean was breached."
"As I said, we haven't heard from Thor in six months. We have no information for you. But we know that travel there, at least by us, is no longer possible. Even Professor Jane Foster has not been able to reach Asgard since."
Loki looked out of the window and went silent. The landscape slowly changed, and as they got closer to the coast, the car was forced to deviate several times to navigate scenes of destruction. Buildings destroyed, crushed under giant footprints, empty streets, the land torn and burnt. Despite the damage, they were on the boat to the Shatterdome in less than an hour, and neither he nor Coulson had spoken again.