Work Text:
Please Stop
Lim Changkyun heaved as the music ended, his limbs protesting any movement after having spent hours practicing their debut dance. The room was quiet, only filled with their labored breathing but Changkyun knew it wouldn't last. He had made a mistake at the end of the choreography which had almost caused Minhyuk to crash into him. He knew that the others were going to chastise him for it and probably throw jabs at hims under their breaths. The worst of them were Minhyuk, Wonho and Hyungwon who found any opportunity to give him shit and being the maknea only made it worse. Kihyun was usually indifferent and just kind of ignored him while Jooheon and Shownu showed actual friendliness towards him.
Changkyun stayed staring down at the floor avoiding the look of anger in the other member's eyes. After a few beats of silence Minhyuk steps closer to him and angrily scolds him. "You keep messing up. I have no idea why they promised to debut you if you're this useless." Changkyun doesn't look up because he knows that doing so will make the situation worse. Being the maknae of the group was not something he liked most of the time especially in these types of situations. He can already feel his heart racing and knows its not because of the physical activity he just did. His heart always betrayed him just like the rest of his body whenever confrontations happened.
Harsh words said so close up always triggered his memories and made his body react accordingly. His body automatically detected danger and reacted before Changkyun can even tell himself that the situation isn't the same as the last time. "Stop it! We've been over this more times than I care to say and it has to stop. Changkyun was not promised to debut and you guys need to end it with the insults." Shownu says stepping next to Changkyun and looking warningly at the other members.
Shownu hyung is actually a great help when it comes to the other members. Changkyun didn't know if it was because it was his job as leader or if he really did care for the youngest members that he intervened whenever the others were giving him a hard time. The only person he knows that didn't think badly of him was the most unlikely one. Jooheon, who was the one more affected by I.M's appearance in the show because he took GUN's place in the group, treated him like he did the others and helped him with his rap. Kihyun had started to warm up to him recently which surprised Changkyun a lot. Wonho and Hyungwon scoff at Shownu's words but neither says anything more as they all begin to grab their things.
Changkyun stays still trying to get control of his body knowing what will happen if he doesn't. As Minhuyk passes by, his shoulder hits Changkyun's forcefully making him take a step back. The move sends Changkyun's body into overdrive and his hands start to shake and his breathing becomes fast. He needs to get out of that room fast before anybody sees him. He doesn't want the others to know about his panic attacks or what triggers them. Changkyun tries to walk calmly but ends up almost running out of the room towards the bathroom. He hears Kihyun call out for him but he doesn't stop until he reaches the bathroom. He closes the stall door and sinks down to the floor putting his head between his knees and breathing deeply. He hates how weak he is, he hates that he can't deal with things as minor as this without having an attack. The world around Changkyun seems to disappear the only thing in his mind is that he needs to calm down.
The bathroom door opens and Kihyun walks inside instantly hearing harsh breathing and Changkyun talking softly to himself. Worried he rushes toward the farthest stall but is unable to open the door. Kihyun kneels down and looks under the stall door and he will never forget what he sees, Changkyun looking like a small child curled up with his arms wrapped tightly around his legs as if he were protecting himself against an attack. "Changkyun?" He calls out softly not wanting to scare the young trainee.
Changkyun looks up and his eyes look dazed as if he's not all there. He blinks a couple of times before finally responding. "Kihyun?" He asks in a rough voice that betrays his emotions. Kihyun asks Changkyun to open the door for him and the maknae does so slowly. After the door is open Kihyun walks into the stall and stares at his eyes.
"You okay now?" He asks and Changkyun looks at his feet trying to hide his embarrassment at being seen in such a state. Changkyun nods but won't look up so Kihyun places two fingers under his chin and tilts his face up. Changkyun's eyes fly to his in surprise at the move and Kihyun almost smiles at the young trainees inability to hide his thoughts. "Don't be embarrassed. I've seen someone have a panic attack before so I recognized the symptoms. Has it passed?" Kihyun asks with a gentle smile on his face that makes Changkyun feel things he shouldn't towards his older group member.
Changkyun stares back at him almost in awe because he never expected this kind of reaction from Kihyun. He has never experienced Kihyun's gentle side before and now that he has he hopes to experience it again. Realizing he's been staring at Kihyun for a long time while not saying anything Changkyun blushes and looks away quickly trying to hide his heated cheeks. The older trainee has already seen his reaction but chooses to keep quiet knowing Changkyun would not like to be teased. "I'm okay now. I..um...thank you for.." Changkyun stops not knowing what else to say because he's not good with words when he's flustered. Kihyunn smiles warmly his eyes becoming smaller in what people call an eye smile.
"Come on, the others are waiting downstairs." Kihyun says while steering Changkyun out of the bathroom by his shoulders which are slim yet firm under his hands. He stops walking holding Changkyun still and leaning over the maknae's shoulder. "I won't tell the others, this will be our little secret." He whispers in Changkyun's ear noticing how the other blushes and looks away quickly. Kihyun smiles triumphantly and gently pushes Changkyun to walk again.
----
Its been more than two weeks since the incident happened and things have been rather pleasant with the other members. Everyone has been working hard with training and the recording of their debut song. His relationship with Kihyun has changed and while nobody commented anything they have all noticed. Kihyun seems to be around the maknae all the time and is always watching him, sometimes he even has a smile on his face while doing so. Changkyun heaves air into his starving lungs as his legs burn from exhaustion. He's been practicing the dance for their debut for hours now during his individual training. The other members have all left as they have all finished with their own training. It was way passed quitting time the clock in the wall reading 4:35 am. The numbers on the clock had become blurry and his legs and arms had begun to shake hours ago. Sweat pours off him and seep into his drenched clothes. His body is exhausted but something else is wrong. He feels like a furnace, the heat coming off him in waves.
Splash some water on your face and get home or you're going to get yelled at.
He thinks to himself as he stumbles to the closest bathroom surprised at the reflection that looks back at him in the mirror. His skin is pale, making the bruises under his eyes more pronounced. The image on the mirror goes blurry and his legs go weak. He tries to catch himself on the sink but his body won't listen to him. Changkyun falls with a loud thud as his head smashes against the edge of the sink. Blinding pain overwhelms him before its gone and he's lying on the floor of the bathroom numb to everything.
Numb feels good. He thinks before everything goes black.
Back at the dorm Kihyun wakes up suddenly his heart beating wildly in his chest. He sits up on the couch and realizes he feel asleep while waiting for Changkyun to come home. The clock on the stove reads 5:06. He looks around the living room for any signs that Changkyun returned but the red shoes he was wearing today are not in the entrance. Kihyun gets ups form the couch and goes to Changkyun's room to find his bed empty. His heart starts racing at the empty bed and he curses himself for falling asleep. He picks up his phone and dials Changkyun's number but the call goes unanswered. He checks the other room just in case he fell asleep somewhere else but he is nowhere to be found. Kihyun worried out of his mind decides to wake Shownu. "Shownu...Hyung! Get up!" Kihyun shakes the big body under the sheets desperately.
A confused and red eyed Shownu looks up at Kihyun. "What?" He asks sleepily rolling over until his body is towards the main vocal.
"Its five a.m. and Changkyun isn't home." Kihyun says not worrying about waking the others in the room because they're used to people talking seeing as how most of the members in this room talk in their sleep. At that Shownu becomes more alert and starts getting up. "You called him already, right?" Shownu asks and Kihyun nods and tells him the call went unanswered. Shownu sighs and start putting on some sweats. "Tell the other's what's going on but tell them to stay here. You and I will go out and look for him. We don't need four other people on the street at this hour." Kihyun does as asked waking up each member, some needing more prompting than others, and telling them abou the situation.
Five minutes later Jooheon is completely awake and ready to go. When Kihyun had told the rapper what was going on Jooheon had refused to stay at the dorm and insisted on going with them to find I.M. Wonho, Hyungwon and Minhyuk are all half asleep in the living room cursing the maknae for being irresponsible. Jooheon glares at them while getting his shoes on, he knows I.M. would never be this irrisponsible. The maknae always avoided anything that could make him a target of scolding from the hyungs.
They set off towards the company, choosing to walk seeing as the dorm wasn't that far away. Once at the company they split up and check the different practice rooms, asking other trainees and staff if they've seen Changkyun but none have. Shonwu finds Changkyun's bag and phone in the dance room becoming alarmed that something might have happened to him. Seeing his things there Kihyun hurries to the bathroom closest to the training room thinking that maybe the younger rapper had another panic attack and was hiding there like last time. He goes inside to find Changkyun lying on the floor unmoving. Kihyun falls to his knees next to him and tries to wake him up. "Changkyun, wake up!" Kihyun rolls him over to see blood coming out of a gash on his temple and the puddle of red underneath his head. At the sight of blood Kihyun's worry sky rockets and tears start rolling down his face."Jooheon! Hyunwoo!" He calls out frantically while pressing some paper towel to the wound. His hands are bloody by the time the others get there.
"Call an ambulance." He yells at them but Shownu already has his phone out and pressed to his ear. Jooheon falls beside Kihyun and calls out to Changkyun. "Open your eyes, kid." He says while shaking the younger rapper softly. Jooheon takes in the paleness of the skin and all the blood on the floor and worries the kid might have lost too much blood.
Kihyun, tears streaming down his cheeks, tries to calm his heart because beating way too fast. He blames himself for falling asleep while waiting.
How long has he been lying here bleeding? Kihyun can't bear to think of his Kyunnie bleeding out all alone while he slept. He gets even angrier at himself and the other members for not being attentive enough of their maknae. It was their job, their duty as older members to look after the youngest and they had failed.
Changkyun groans suddenly and starts to open his eyes. "Jooheon?" He stutters while looking confused, blinking a couple of ore times and finally looking at Kihyun who was closest to him. "Kih..." He starts but begins to cough mid-way. "Hurts." He says at the same time a tear roles down his cheek. Changkyun feels like he's on fire and a weight has been put on his chest. His head throbs sharply making it difficult to focus on anything around him.
Kihyun keeps one hand on the wound maintaining pressure on it while the other wipes away Changkyun's tears. "I know, but help is on the way."
Ten minutes pass by and Changkyun closes his eyes just as Shownu runs out of the room. "Kyunie!" Jooheon and Kihyun say before he passes out again. By this time other people at the company have heard the commotion and have come to see what's happening. Shownu comes in with the paramedics and they begin assessing the patient quickly. They ask a bunch of question most of which they are unable to answer. In that moment Shownu, Kihyun and Jooheon realize that while they never treated the maknae badly they had never gotten to know him well enough. Kihyun gets on the ambulance with Changkyun unable to leave him alone while Shownu and Jooheon wait for the manager who was on the way to pick them up.
Two hours later Changkyun opens his eyes to a white room and bright lights. A dull pain throbs in his head and his body feels like it was hit by a truck. He realizes he's in the hospital and remembers what happened but not how he got here. Someone shuffles next to him and he sees Kihyun sitting close enough to have his head rested on the bed. Shownu, Jooheon and the manager are sprawled on the couch and chairs. Changkyun's chest feels tight with emotion at seeing his group members waiting for him. Kihyun's face is towards him and he finds himself admiring the main vocal. Kihyun's skin is flawless and his lashes are long, his pink lips are parted as he breathes in slowly. Changkyun reaches out and moves a lock of hair out of Kihyun's face softly touching his skin. Changkyun does it again and a tingly feeling rushes through his arm. Kihyun opens his eyes and stares deeply into his. Changkyun's hand freezes mid-air and his cheeks flush at having been caught. Kihyun smiles warmly and grabs Changkyun's hand to bring it up to cup his face. It feels good to have I.M's skin against his.
"Hey." He whispers softly still smiling fondly at the blushing rapper. His new hobby might just be getting the younger rapper to blush because he enjoys seeing the pink on his cheeks.
Changkyun's chest tightens even more at the sight before him. His heart keep betraying him thinking thinking of Kihyun in ways he knows will never be possible. He smiles back at Kihyun and cracks out a hello. Hearing the rough voice Kihyun gets up and pours some water bringing the cup to Changkyun's face and gently tipping the cup."Thanks." Changkyun says clearly after the water soothed his dry throat. "What happened?"
"I stayed up waiting for you to get home but I fell asleep. When I woke up you still weren't home so I got worried. Shownu, Jooheon and I went out to find you." Kihyun looks away blinking rapidly trying to keep the tears from falling as he remembers the sight of the rapper's body on the floor. "I...I found you on the bathroom floor; the doctor said the fever probably made you pass out and hit your head on the sink. There was so much blood when I found you, I've never been more scared." Kihyun says tears now streaming down his face. Changkyun grabs Kihyun's hand in his while the other reaches up to wipe the tears that have fallen and apologizes but Kihyun shakes his head emphatically. "No, I'm sorry. You were sick and nobody noticed. I didn't notice and you didn't feel like you could tell us about it. It's our fault." Changkyun lets the tears fall not caring that Kihyun is witnessing his weak side. He feels lighter now that Kihyun has acknowledged their treatment of him.
Their voices wake the others up and soon he's surrounded on both sides. "You scared us there, Kyunie." Jooheon put his hand on Changkyun's shoulder and squeezes reassuringly. "Yeah don't do it again." Adds Shownu with a sleepy smile. Changkyun apologizes again and agrees to not do it again. The doctor comes in to check him out and explains that he had a very high fever and that his body was overworked. The doctor leaves after letting them know Changkyun can be discharged the next day.
"I'm going to go tell the others that he's awake." Shownu walks out of the room his phone already in hand. The manager does the same letting management know his status. Kihyun was left alone with Jooheon and Changkyun.
"I'm sorry. We should have been paying more attention to you." Jooheon says looking guilty, Kihyun sharing his same expression.
"Its okay." Changkyun says in return knowing that although they are right the responsibility falls on him because its his body. Changkyun fights against his closing eyes but Kihyun starts to run his finger through the maknae's hair.
"Sleep, we'll be here when you wake up." Kihyun reassures him with a soft smile. Jooheon takes in the actions of his hyung toward the youngest member and smiles knowingly. Changkyun oblivious to Jooheon's thoughts closes his eyes and falls asleep.
----
Two days later Changkyun is almost fully recovered, his cold is gone but he still has the stitches on his temple. Today is his first day back at the company and he feels mixed emotions. He's excited to be back, even though he can't participate actively, but he's nervous because the other members might be angry at him for fucking up their training schedule. Kihyun, Jooheon and Shownu have all been taking care of him while the others hovered around helping out if asked.
At least they didn't insult me during that time.
He walks into the company and gets onto the elevator; as the door closes a hand appears in the way. Yoo Seungwoo gets on the elevator and smiles. Seungwoo, although younger than Changkyun, had already debuted with another company and had just recently come to Starship. He was really nice and Changkyun hoped they could become friends.
"Hey, glad to see you're okay." Seungwoo says after the doors close.
"Yeah, thanks. How's the song going?" Changkyun asks knowing the younger singer has been working on a new song recently.
Seungwoo smiles brightly and Changkyun is reminded why the fans are so in love with him. "It's going great. We're almost done with it!" He explains just as the door open on his floor. "Bye!" He says with a wave of his hand as he steps off the elevator.
The elevator stops on the next floor and he gets off. Changkyun braces himself before going into his practice room; music blares from the speakers and the members are dancing when he opens the door. He quietly goes in and sits against the wall to watch them until they finish the choreography. A minute and a half later the music stops and the members are out of breath and sweaty. Changkyun stands up and greets his hyungs knowing if he doesn't some will have a problem with it. Minhyuk, Wonho and Hyungwon nod back while Jooheon, Kihyun and Shownu come closer and smile.
"Its good to see you out of the dorm." Jooheon says before drinking out of his water bottle.
"I'm glad you're feeling better." Shownu adds while wiping away his sweat.
"Are you sure you should be here today?" Kihyun asks looking as worried as he has for the past two days.
Changkyun smiles at the main vocal. "Yeah, I'm good. I still can't dance until the stitches come out but I wanted to be here with you guys. Plus just watching helps too." Kihyun still looks worried but doesn't say anything.
The smile on Changkyun's face falls when Minhyuk speaks up. "Yeah, you can see how it's supposed to be done." He says with a smile but behind it you can feel the animosity behind the words. Shownu throws a warning look at Minhyuk who then looks like a scolded child. Kihyun glares at him while Jooheon squeezes Changkyun's shoulder reassuringly. Changkyun sighs feeling disappointed that the others are still not welcoming him fully.
----
Three weeks after getting his stitches out Changkyun has learned the choreography and has practiced his rap. As the debut date gets closer Changkyun's anxiety grows. Everything is going well with the other members but he fears rejection from the fans and that he'll mess up and prove to them that GUN should have debuted instead. The anxiety has gotten so bad that he got a small panic attack the other day over something stupid. Kihyun noticed and helped him through it. The members are practicing their debut song together when the manager suddenly comes in interrupting them. "I.M we need to see you." He says looking serious and Changkyun's heart drops to his stomach knowing what its about. He's been waiting for it but had pushed it to the very back of his mind. The members look surprised and Kihyuns looks almost worried. Changkyun nods to the manager and then just looks at his feet feeling like he did back then.
The CEO of Starship is waiting for Changkyun with a warm smile but he knows that the talk ahead is anything but warm. His palms are sweating and his heart is pounding in his chest. Changkyun takes a seat before the CEO after having bowed his hello. "I'm glad to see you are doing better now." Changkyun could only smile nervously and nod his thanks because there was a knot in his throat. "After reviewing the case with the others we have decided to officially cancel the trainee's contracts. They have been contacted and informed already." The CEO then looked at Changkyun in the eyes and he could see the seriousness of this situation. "I want to apologize again I.M, for not taking action earlier. I hope you'll keep working hard towards your debut." The CEO finishes talking and Changkyun can feel the relief filling his body. He had been dreading the decision thinking that maybe the members of his old group wouldn't be thrown out of the company and he'd have to see them around. He did not want to relive those moment of fear and uncertainty. Changkyun walks slowly back to the training room trying to calm down before seeing the guys again. When his heart was back under control he opened the door and saw that the others were lounging around and laughing together. When he steps into the room the laughter ends and their attention turns to him.
"Everything good?" Jooheon asks looking slightly concerned.
Before Changkyun could answer though, Wonho remarks under his breath but loud enough for everyone to hear. "Yeah, did you have a nice time with your buddy?" Changkyun's relieved feeling goes away replaced by disappointment. Shownu and Kihyun both hit Wonho on the arm scolding him for his comment.
"Everything's good." Changkyun answers back as if he hadn't heard anything.
----
The next day each member has individual training and Changkyun is in one of the small rooms practicing various raps he has to do for recording. A knock on the door makes Changkyun stop practicing and Kihyun's head appears at the doorway. He smiles brightly and Changkyun's heart races at the sight. This reaction towards the main vocal has been going on for awhile now but he has decided to ignore it because a crush on his group member was the last thing he needed. But his foolish heart was rebelling and the reaction were getting stronger and more frequent. Kihyun comes into the room and sits down next to him, close enough for their thighs to to brush each other. His heart jumps at the contact and heat rises to his cheeks. "Are you done?" Kihyun asks while Changkyun stares back at his beautiful face.
"Not really, why?" Changkyun says trying to concentrate on the conversasion and not Kihyun's hand on his thigh, his thumb moving back and forth. Their interactions have been getting more intimate these past few weeks and Changkyun doesn't know where this is going but he knows where he hopes it does.
"We're going to the cafe close to here."Kihyun explains before brushing a lock of hair off of I.M's face making him stop breathing for a second.
"Oh...I have about twenty minutes left so you guys can go first." Changkyun explains trying not to pass out from emotions running through him.
"Okay,Text me when you leave."Kihyun agrees getting up from the chair and placing a hand on the rapper's shoulder before leaning down to kiss his cheeks. Changkyun's heart skips a beat at the surprising move. Kihyun leaves with a wide smile on his face knowing full well the effect his kiss had on the younger member.
Almost exactly twenty minutes later the young rapper texts Kihyun that he's on his way after packing his stuff.
He says goodbye to some trainees who pass by him. Once outside he has to adjust to the darkness of the night. He hadn't realized that night had already fallen. There were a few people around as he started walking so he didn't notice the person walking close behind him. If he had been paying attention maybe he could have had time to stop what was about to happen.
Changkyun suddenly feels someone push him and he falls down in a dark alleyway. He doesn't have time to look up before the first kick lands on his ribs. He cries out in pain as the blows keep coming. "I see our Changkyun is still a little bitch." The leader of his old group picks him up by the front of his shirt and presses him against the wall. Changkyun feels fear as he stares back into the eyes of the guy who made his life miserable. "Looks like your innocent act worked well, huh? You're going to debut while we're thrown out because a little boy couldn't handle the pressure." He lands a swift punch to Changkyun's stomach making the rapper lose his breath. "You're going to regret doing this to me." He says before continuing his attack on the much smaller and younger rapper. A knee to the ribs makes Changkyun dizzy. After a few more seconds of an all out assault the leader stops and laughs at a crumpled Changkyun. He lands one last kick before leaving him alone in the dark alleyway. Changkyun waits until his ear stops ringing and his vision stops swimming before struggling to get up. The pain in his body is almost unbearable. He hears his phone ringing and manages to pick up.
"Hey, where are you? You should have been here by now." Kihyun says in his ear and the familiar voice somehow calms Changkyun down.
"I'm not feeling well so I'm heading home." He manages to get out without groaning in pain as he starts walking towards the dorm.
"What's wrong?" He can hear Kihyun's worry through the phone and knows he need to say something to calm the other down.
"Nothing its just a stomach ache. I'll call you if I need anything." Changkyun explains before abruptly hanging up so Kihyun doesn't hear his sobs. Almost 15 minutes later Changkyun reaches the dorm. He goes into the bathroom and slowly takes off his clothes. The task is a painful one because of all the sharp pain he feels everytime he moves. When he sees his reflection in the mirror the tears that had stopped start up again but this time quietly. Big bruises are already starting to form all over his chest and waist, he even has one in the shape of a boot on his thigh. He washes away the dirt on his body and gets dressed. After swallowing some medication he lays down on his bed making sure the sheets cover every part of his body, afraid the members might see a bruise accidentally. His eyes close by themselves thanks to the medication and within minutes he's asleep and away from his cruel reality.
Kihyun couldn't stop worrying after the phone call from Changkyun. The maknae sounded weak and there was something else that didn't feel right to him. They stayed half an hour more before deciding to head home at Kihyun's insistence. When they arrive at the dorm the lights were off and it was quiet."Kyunie?" Jooheon call out from the entrance with no returning answer. Kihyun walks into his room and finds the maknae asleep on his bed. The main vocal sits down on the bed and touches Changkyun's forehead to check for fever, relieved when he finds cool skin.
"He okay?" Shownu asks from the doorway with Jooheon next to him.
"He doesn't have a fever so we should just let him rest. I'll stay here just in case." They both nod and head to the living room for some video game playing time. Kihyun stares at Changkyun and smiles fondly starting to run his finger through the rapper's hair. Kihyun's heart beats steadily in his chest finally calm at seeing the object of his affection. It had been a month after NO.MERCY had ended when Kihyun first experienced a reaction towards Changkyun. It had been one of the rare moments when all the members were joking around happily when Minhyuk fell off his chair and everyone laughed but it was the joy in Changkyun's laugh that caught his attention. Changkyun had thrown his head back and laughed joyfully for the first time since he had known him. At that moment Kihyun's heart had skipped a beat and ever since its gotten worse. The denial was strong at first but after awhile he had decided to accept the fact that he liked the maknae. Changkyun moves in his sleep groaning as if in pain his brows furrowing until Kihyun runs his thumb over them and he relaxes.
Hours later when the other members have fallen asleep Changkyun gets up from bed biting his lip to keep from groaning in pain as his body protests the movement. He make his way to the kitchen, stomach grumbling when he catches sight of the cereal box on the counter. He hasn't eaten anything since lunch and his stomach was letting him know that. Changkyun takes a towel out of one of the drawers and puts some ice in it before serving himself a bowl of cereal. He sits down at the table and eats quietly as he places the ice on his ribs. Changkyun tries not to cry as he remembers what happened hours ago and his life before NO.MERCY. He doesn't understand what he did to deserve the physical and emotional abuse he had experienced with his old group members. Changkyun finishes eating in silence and although he knew he has some friends in this group he feels alone and hopeless. The young rapper had thought the bullying and insults would stop once he got away from the others and then once the show ended. Changkyun had believed that the members would accept him in the group and believe him when he said he hadn't been promised to debut.
"Kyunie?" Jooheon asks as he rubs his eyes after having woken up and noticing the bed beneath him empty. Changkyun wipes away the tears with his hands and averts his face away from Jooheon. He doesn't want the older rapper to know that he's been crying.
Jooheon had already noticed the tears on the others face and knows something is wrong with the maknae. Frustration grows knowing that Changkyun won't willingly tell him what's going on with him. Jooheon walks towards the maknae and places a hand on his shoulder, squeezing reassuringly. "I don't know what's going on or why you're crying but I want you to know that if you ever need to talk I'm here, always." His words were said softly and with great care and in that moment one of the cracks in Changkyun's heart disappeared. When Jooeheon goes to leave Changkyun reaches out and stops him by grabbing the end of Jooheon's long sleeved shirt. "Okay." Is all the older rapper says before grabbing the maknae's wrist and pulling him along towards their bedroom. Jooheon signals to his bed with his head and Changkyun smile's gratefully before getting in the bed and under the covers. Jooheon lies down next to him after getting another pillow and that's how they both fall asleep. Changkyun turned away from Jooheon and Jooheon on his back with his head towards the other. For the first time in a long time Changkyun feels completely safe.
In the morning Kihyun, who was tasked by Shownu to wake the other's up, walks into the room and finds both rappers asleep in the same bed. The scene before him shouldn't cause him any discomfort because group members often fall asleep in each other's bed but this time Kihyun could feel the jealousy in his body grow. Logically he knows Jooheon only sees the maknae as a younger brother and Changkyun treats Jooheon as an older brother but his heart doesn't care what his mind thinks. "Wake up!" He yells before shaking Minhyuk and then Jooheon until they open their eyes. Jooheon stretches and softly shakes Changkyun awake who is sleeping away as if Kihyun hadn't yelled at all. Changkyun wakes up looking cute as he drags himself off the bed and into the bathroom. Jooheon noticing where Kihyun's attention was smiles and shakes his head.
Jooheon remembering what happened yesterday with I.M decides its best if he talks with Shownu and Kihyun about it so they can keep a better eye on the maknae. After everyone is ready and has eaten breakfast they all head downstairs except Jooheon, Shownu and Kihyun. Jooheon made up an excuse for them to stay behind so he could tell them about his worries.
"What's this about?" Shownu says as soon as they're alone in the dorm. Shownu knows Jooheon well enough to figure out the excuse he just gave was bullshit and that something was up.
"Last night I woke up and found Changkyun crying in the kitchen. He looked...so hopeless. I don't know what's going on with him but I think we need to keep an eye on him. I'm worried about his mental state." Jooheon explains still feeling frustrated and perplexed at what could possibly be bothering the kid so much he cried about it all by himself.
"Yeah, I've noticed how he shuts down sometimes." Shownu adds while Kihyun just stares back at them looking worried. The way Kihyun looks at Changkyun is impossible to miss so he knows the main vocal has to be going out of his mind thinking that Changkyun could be hiding something from him and that something could be wrong.
The group member have been practicing the choreography for their debut song since early in the morning and it was now past 7 at night. Their choreographer had decided to change some steps after having seen the members perform the original version yesterday. The new steps weren't really complicated but the timing and the flow of the steps had to be synchronized and that was not happening yet. Changkyun, Shownu, Hyungwon and Jooheon have managed to get the steps right early on but Kihyun, Minhyuk and Wonho were still struggling. The maknae is thankful he isn't the one messing up today but after hours of practice his battered body is screaming. Truth was it has been screaming since he woke up this morning and dancing through the pain is a challenge but he had been managing. Now, though, his body was letting him know that it was reaching its limit. Shownu explains the steps and timing to the others while the ones who have it down drink water. Changkyun wants to sit down but he knows if he does he wont get up again.
"Let's do it again." Shownu hyung calls out and Changkyun has to clench his teeth to not cry knowing this is going to hurt like crazy. They get into position and the music starts. The movements cause I.M's ribs to protest making his eyes water but he moves past it. They reach the part with the new steps and they finally get it right. He can see the triumphant smiles on everyone's faces but he can't produce one of his own because of the amount of pain he's in. All of a sudden a piercing stab runs through his thigh and Changkyun can't handle it this time causing him to crash into Minhyuk sending him to the floor. Tears form in Changkyun's eye from the agony but he fights to keep them away.
Minhyuk stands up looking furious and shoves I.M hard making the rapper fall down and cry out as his injured body hits the floor. "We finally got it right and you just have to fuck it all up don't you? Can't you do anything?" He yells at I.M. The younger rapper's body is suddenly filled with anger and all the pain goes away overtaken by the powerful new emotion. Changkyun stands, quicker than he thought possible with his injuries, and forcefully shoves Minhyuk against the closest wall.
"Shut up! Shut the fuck up! I will not let anyone treat me like this again!" He yells at the other's face while holding Minhyuk by the front of his shirt. Minhyuk looks at him in shock while the other members finally intervene and separate them. Changkyun's emotions are overwhelming him and making him reckless.
"Stop it, both of you!" Shownu yells into the air as he stands in between the rapper and vocalist. Kihyun and Jooheon stand next to I.M while Wonho holds onto Minhyuk and Hyungwon just observes from behind Shownu.
"I am sick of you and you and you..." Changkyun says pointing at M, W and H "always finding reasons to look down on me and insult me. I am done with your bullshit! Do you really want to know why I joined the show the way I did?" Changkyun shouts, his face looking fierce and unafraid for the first time ever. The members have never seen the maknae like this and are taken aback by the sudden change in attitude.
"Yes." Wonho says from next to Minhyuk looking both angry and surprised at the way the maknae was talking to his older members.
Changkyun breathes and bites the inside of his cheek to keep from crying. "Fine." He says resigned to his fate. "This is why." Changkyun lifts up his shirt to reveal the multicolored bruises that take up the majority of his skin. "And this." He shoves one of his long sleeves up, a hand shaped bruises appearing on his upper arm and then his sweat pant leg to show the boot print on his thigh.
Kihyun gasps at the sight of the injuries while the others look back shocked. "Who did this to you?" Jooheon asks looking far scarier than his usual cute self.
Changkyun lets the tears fall freely now knowing he has nothing left to lose. He never wanted to show his weakness to his members but they've already seen it in the bruises on his body. "My former group leader." The members looked surprised and confused at his confession. "I was part of a five member group getting ready to debut in the next few years. I was the youngest out of them by about five years and they had been together for a while before I came along. You see, they didn't want me as part of their group. I didn't know that at the time of course but everything became clear when they started..." Changkyun stops needing to take a shaking breath in order to control his emotions. "They used the fact that I was much younger than them to break me. They said I wasn't man enough to debut with them so they had to teach me how to be one." By this time Kihyun and Minhyuk are crying while Jooheon looks like he wants to murder someone. Shownu, Hyungwon and Wonho stand speechless and flustered. "It started out with calling me out whenever I messed up, calling me useless, telling me I was nothing and how stupid I was. When they saw they hadn't broken me with words they decided to break me with their hands. Getting slapped and punched repeatedly for months finally got them what they wanted. They broke me." Changkyun's voice breaks unable to keep the old feelings from surfacing. "I wanted to leave and forget everything about becoming an idol. I was so lonely and sad, I just gave up. It would've gotten worse if one of them hadn't messed up and slapped me with a ring on his hand that caused my lip to bleed enough that the manager noticed." Changkyun looks down at the floor feeling vulnerable. "After that I was separated from them and they were suspended from the company. The CEO felt bad for what had happened so he asked me if I wanted to have an opportunity to debut but he made a point of telling me I had to compete for it. I agreed because I had nothing left. I was broken and without a group so I decided to join the show. I thought things would get better after I won and they did, but they also stayed the same. The only reason I'm still here is because of them." Changkyun looks up and his expression is filled with so much pain and hopelessness as he gestures to Kihyun, Jooheon and Shownu. "They made what you guys said to me bearable but I'm done now. You guys are and never will be as bad they were but you're still just like them." With those last words the young rapper leaves the room, Kihyun and Jooheon calling after him but letting him leave anyways.
The silence in the room feels heavy and meaningful. "How could we not have known about this? We've been living together for months and nothing. He got the crap beat out of him and he said nothing." Wonho asks looking incredibly guilty and perplexed.
"He didn't trust us. He was just starting to trust Jooheon and Kihyun when this happened. I'm not sure he would've anything if he didn't explode like he did today." Shownu comments right after Wonho. He feels responsible for not knowing, for not doing more to help Changkyun and for failing as a friend.
Hyungwon steps up and begins to gather his things before speaking. "We should go after him. I don't think he should be alone right now and we need to check out those bruises. We don't know the extent of the damage done by that bastard." He says looking far more involve than usual.
"Maybe Kihyun should talk to him first and then we can all go. Changkyun must be overwhelmed and I don't think he'll want us to see him like this. Besides, we have to go tell the manager and CEO what happened." Jooheon adds thinking that if anyone was going to calm the maknae down it was Kihyun. The rapper knows that his friends like each other and that Changkyun trusts the main vocal more than anyone.
The members agree with Jooheon's suggestion and they gather up their things. Shownu calls the manager and let him know that they need to talk to him about something important and that they also need to speak with the CEO. After everything is done Kihyun and Jooheon walk to the dorm while the rest head to the CEO's office where the manager is waiting for them.
----
Kihyun enters the dorm, all the lights are off but the one in the bathroom, where he can hear the shower is on. He enters the bathroom slowly, not wanting to scare I.M, to find the rapper sitting on the shower floor with water falling down on him. "Changkyun?" He calls out as he steps closer.
Changkyun looks over at him and his eyes are filled with so much pain that Kihyun rushes the rest of the way to him. "It hurts so much." I.M says as Kihyun kneels in front of him not caring about the water now falling on him.
Kihyuns cups the rapper's face in his hands needing to touch him. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry he did this to you." Changkyun grabs the vocal around the waist and snuggles up to him needing to feel safe and Kihyun's arms felt like the safest place on Earth. Kihyun craddles I.M in his arms happy to be of comfort for the younger rapper. After a few minutes Changkyun has stopped crying and they are now both drenched in warm water.
"I was planning on telling you about what had happened." Changkyuns says his face now in the crook of Kihyun's shoulder. Kihyun stills as he feels soft lips touching his neck as the other speaks. I.M moves father away until he's looking at the vocal in the eyes. "I want you to know that I trust you and that I was going to tell you but..." Changkyun stops midway when Kihyun cups his cheek in his hand and smiles warmly his eyes turning to little slivers making him look beautiful.
Kihyun's heart soars at hearing that the other trusts him. He becomes bolder with his affection because he can't contain his relief and happiness. The stare into each others eyes and Changkyun can't help but lick his lips nervously as the need to lean in grows stronger. Kihyun moves slowly, making sure Changkyun knows exactly what he intends to do and giving him enough time to move away if he wants to. Their noses brush both of them still only breaths away from want they both want. Changkyun unable to stay away any longer tilts his head and leans in until his lips are finally touching Kihyun's. The softness of each other's lips is addicting and both of them get closer. They kiss softly reveling in the feeling of each other's lips touching. Kihyun swipes his tongue slightly over Changkyun's bottom lip wanting to taste the other completely. Changkyun opens his mouth and lets Kihyun's tongue mingle with his languidly. They take their time exploring until the both need to breathe in some air. They break the kiss letting their foreheads rest against one another as they calm their hearts down. Kihyun smiled affectionately and wishes they could stay in this moment forever but he knows they have to deal with Changkyun's injuries soon.
"I wish we could stay like this forever but the others are waiting downstairs to take you to the hospital for a checkup." Changkyun sighs knowing he had to know the extent of his injuries and have evidence for when he files a case against his former group leader. Kihyuns places on last kiss on his lips.
----
Two years after their debut Changkyun stands on the stage in front of thousands of fans who have come to see them perform. It feels like just yesterday when he and the other members finally became a family after they found out his story. They stood by him through the whole process of filing charges against his former leader and eventually watching the man who once ruined him go to prison for assault. His life changed completely after that and he became stronger.His friendship with his hyungs was that of brothers. Kihyun was another matter all together. The main vocal could never be a brother to him because his love for him was greater than anything. Changkyun and Kihyun had been together ever since that day when they kissed in the bathroom. Their relationship wasn't easy because they had to hide it from the public and even from the managers (although he was pretty sure everyone in the company knew). When they were in public they held back the affection and skin ship to a normal amount between members of a group. The other members also helped them but whenever they were alone in the dorm nobody could stop them from being the couple they were.
If you would have told Changkyun a few years ago that his life would be this good, he wouldn't have believed you. This is the life he had always dreamed of and now what he wanted the most was staying with his Monsta X hyungs for the rest of his life as friends, brothers and fellow group members.
THE END