Work Text:
“Sir, Ms. Potts is on the line for you,” Jarvis stated. “Would you like me to put her through to the workshop line or your mobile?”
“I’d like you not to put her through at all, Jarvis. Blackout protocol, remember? That means no contact from anyone, including super soldiers in my lab and phone calls from my CEO.”
“I’m sorry, Sir, but Ms. Potts has initiated the ‘paying for the 12% comment’ protocol. My programing requires that I connect her immediately.”
“She’s right. I’m paying for that comment, and it’s not subtle,” Tony muttered before throwing himself onto the couch. “Okay, fine. Workshop line, if you please, Jarvis.”
“Thank you for understanding, Sir.”
The speakers gave a tiny click, indicating the call was connected.
“Hi Pep. To what do I owe the pleasure this afternoon?”
“Tony, I… I just got an email – I don’t know how to-“ Pepper stuttered, the distress in her voice obvious.
“Pepper, are you okay? What happened?” Tony shot up off the couch. “J, fire up the suit!”
“No! Tony, no! It’s fine, I’m fine. I just – I got an email from Shelby Ericksen with channel 19 just now.”
“Okay, well, I know that I haven’t done anything worthy of her attention lately, so which one of my mistakes has come to bite me in the ass today?”
“She had an interview taping scheduled with Steve this afternoon. She sent the video over to me.”
“Oh, that mistake. Well, that sure didn’t take long. Great, perfect. What? He called me a mean name? Maybe had a good public laugh over silly Tony’s desperation for... whatever?” Tony shot back.
“No, no. Nothing like that. Tony, I think you need to watch this.”
“No thank you. I’ve already heard enough from Captain Self-Righteous Dick Bag.”
“Tony!” Pepper yelled, frustration like Tony rarely heard evident in her voice. “You need to- oh screw it. Jarvis?”
“Yes, Ms. Potts?” Jarvis responded.
“Please play file Shelby emailed me starting at the 38 minute mark on the workshop main display.”
“Ignore that, Jarvis.”
“12 percent, Tony. Don’t make me use it again.”
Tony sighed and collapsed back onto the couch. “Fine, go ahead, Jarvis, but after this, I'm revoking that protocol.”
"No you aren't," Pepper said affectionately.
"No, I'm not," he sighed.
The display sprang to life with Steve sitting across from Shelby, chatting. To anyone who didn’t know him, it would seem that Steve was relaxed and happy, but his spine was too stiff, his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, and when he laughed it was too hearty. Tony called it his War Bonds Sales skin, and he hated everything about it.
“So, Steve,” Shelby was saying, clearly getting ready to lob him a fluffy question. “The gossip pages have been suspiciously quiet lately. Any special someone in your life these days?”
“Jarvis, turn it off!” Tony cried, his stomach turning. Why the hell would Pepper want him to watch this? Hadn't Steve made their non-relationship abundantly clear?
“Jarvis, keep playing,” Pepper snapped, and wasn’t it just Tony’s life that his AI listened to his CEO’s orders over his?
On screen, Steve pasted on a fake smile, and opened his mouth… then closed it, took a deep breath through his nose, and opened his mouth again. “There is someone who is exceptionally special to me, but I – well, I screwed up. Badly. Horribly, actually, and now it’s over.”
A buzzing filled Tony’s ears and blocked out whatever response Shelby had to that statement. But Steve – he couldn’t possibly mean Tony, could he? No. No, he had to be talking about Kelly. He would never admit that he and Tony had been something more than just teammates, and he certainly didn’t think he’d done anything wrong in relation to their… arrangement.
Tony shook his head, forcing himself to focus on Steve again. He was looking mournfully at Shelby, his voice clear but quiet. “Just because I didn’t mean to hurt him doesn’t mean I didn’t cause damage. In all honesty, I think the fact that I didn’t even pay enough attention to him to realize I was killing him inside makes me even more guilty, not less.”
He, Tony thought to himself. He said he, not her… but he can’t mean me, he can’t.
“Pepper-“ Tony choked out as Shelby offered Steve some canned platitude.
“Shhh, Tony. You need to just listen here,” Pepper said, her voice soft.
Tony nodded silently, recognizing vaguely that there was no way for Pepper to know that. “He’s everything. He’s so much more than people realize, so quietly kind and generous. He gives away everything he really values so freely, so effortlessly that it’s easy to miss. I mean, he’s not a saint. He has his flaws. Some of the things he’s done aren’t good and he’s been trying so hard to make up for them for so long now, but it’s like no one wants to forgive him. I guess that included me up until I got a wake up call.”
No, Tony thought. That’s not right. He can’t be talking about me.
“But when he smiles,” Steve continued, “really smiles, not his fake spotlight smile – you can’t help but smile back. Sure, he can say thoughtless and rude things sometimes, but it’s not because he’s malicious. He just doesn’t know how hard things might land because that’s how people talk to him all the time. Sometimes he has to be sharp with his words because it’s the only way he can keep people from sinking their hands into him and tearing him apart. From the moment he was born he's had to live his whole life in the public eye, and people can be incredibly cruel and unforgiving."
Shelby was quiet for a moment before she started tentatively, “Are you talking about To- I mean who... who are you talking about, Steve?”
This is it. He won’t be able to say if it’s me. It’s one thing to imply, but he won’t say it. Plus, it can’t be me. I’m not all those things. It can’t be me.
“Tony Stark,” Steve said evenly, looking right into Shelby’s eyes. Tony’s breath caught in his throat. Did he imagine that? No. He couldn’t have meant it. Tony must be hearing things. But then Steve continued. “I am in love with Anthony Edward Stark and I treated him so poorly that I would say now, looking back on it, that it borders on abuse.”
Tony’s blood rushed in his ears. His vision started to gray out. He was vaguely aware of both Jarvis and Pepper calling out to him, but he couldn’t force himself to respond. Steve had just said he loved him. He said he loved him on national television. Why? Why had he done that? He couldn’t possibly love Tony.
On screen, he watched Steve pull the mic off and throw it in his chair, then walk off camera.
“Tony!” Pepper’s panicked voice finally penetrated his fog.
“Why would he do that, Pepper?” Tony asked, his voice full of confusion. “Why would he do that on something meant to air on national TV?”
“Maybe because he loves you, Tony.”
“No, Pepper. No, that’s just not possible. He… he’s got to feel guilty,” Tony returned, processing the situation out loud. “That’s the only thing that makes sense. He is trying to make me seem better. He’s trying to make people forgive me before I pay my dues.”
“Tony-“ Pepper started.
“He’s sorry, and he’s destroying his reputation to make it better. They can’t – Pepper, they can’t put this on TV.”
“Why is it so hard for you to believe he might love you, Tony? He said it himself. He made mistakes. He screwed up, and he’s realized that.”
“Men like Captain America don’t love men like me,” Tony shot back. “We have to fix this. We have to stop her from ruining Cap. The fallout from this is too much for even him to bear.”
Pepper was silent for a few moments before speaking hesitantly. “Shelby sent this to me for approval. She knows how personal it is, and said that if you aren’t comfortable with this kind of public declaration, Steve can come back and tape a new ending, or she can work with her editors to make it look like Steve had to leave for an emergency. Whatever you guys decide, though, it has to be done fast. This is supposed to air in a few hours.”
“I’ll – I’ll talk to him.”
“Tony? I think you are making a mistake. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. I’ve watched you together. He loves you. He’s an asshole and he screwed up, but it sounds like he wants to make that right.”
“He can’t. He just can’t.”
“He sees you, you know. He sees what is in your heart – the generosity, the bravery, the selflessness? He sees all that stuff you are trying so hard to hide from people. He’d have to be looking pretty closely to see through your armor, sweetie. I think he really loves you.”
Silence reigned for long moments before Tony finally found his voice again. “What if he only thinks he does? What if he changes his mind?”
“He just proclaimed his love for you with the intent that millions of people would see it, Tony. That’s not guilt or uncertainty. That’s love. And if it doesn't work out? Well, it's no worse than where you are now, right? Your heart is already bleeding. You haven't got anything to lose, really.”
“I have to go, Pepper. I need to talk to him.”
“Yes, you do. Go, Tony, and take what he’s offering. He’s a good man, and you deserve it.”
“I- we’ll see, Pepper. Thank you,” Tony said, stumbling to his feet and rushing towards the door.
“Bye, sweetie,” she returned, and the line went dead.
Well, it’s now or never, Tony thought as he stepped into the elevator and hit the button for Steve’s floor.