Chapter Text
When Tony first met Bucky, it was love at first sight. Well, there was a sudden release of endorphins when he first met Bucky, anyways. They seemed to..click. Personalities seemed right. They were both missing a piece of themselves, and Tony had really hoped they could be that for each other. Until he met Steve...Bucky’s boyfriend. He tried not to be jealous, he really hadn’t. The guy seemed nice enough, kind of cute in a weird, small way. Steve walked around like man with something to prove, but he already had the only thing Tony wanted. It sucked. Still, between being the CEO and research and development head for the best Fortune 500 company in the world and constant attempts on his life, until he finally ran into the man again, one night at a bar.
“Hey.” He said, walking over to him. “Are you okay?” He asked, noticing the half-gone drink. Well, Tony had come here to drink too, so he was in no position to judge. Still, he wasn’t sure what had happened. Bucky didn’t seem like the type. Maybe a breakup? Was that bad to hope for? It was, he decided, as he sat down beside him.
“I dunno if you remember me. Tony?” He asked, pulling his jacket a little tighter against the glow of his reactor. Yeah, the one with the giant ugly hunk of metal in his chest. Who would probably die because of it. That one. “I met you about..six months ago, I’d say.” They had chemistry, and Tony sure as hell hadn’t forgotten about it. How could he? It had been one of the strangest experiences in his life. And now, his on and off again girlfriend was gone..there was no one to keep him from pursuing the man, really. Except for Steve. But if he was out of the picture..maybe he had a chance. As long as Bucky wasn’t still hurting from it. Tony wasn’t that kind of person, no matter how badly he wanted to take the man out.
-
Bucky looked up and gave the man a half smile. “Hey. Fancy running into you here.” Steve was being a real ass and he just needed some time away from the man. He swore, it was like dating a chihuahua. Was tiny, but had a temper like hell. Bucky honestly didn’t know how someone could go from yelling and swearing to crying that quickly. He knew he was going to get hell when he got back home, somehow be blamed for driving drunk or whatever, even if he was planning on having a beer and leaving.
“Nice night, huh?” He said, as rain poured down, thunder echoing in the distance. Bucky knew there was trouble on the homefront when he went out in this. He sipped his beer, it was mostly just sweet and warm, didn’t have much bite to it. Bucky wasn’t looking to get drunk tonight, just needed a reason to stay out of the apartment and away from his boyfriend.
-
Tony shrugged. “Yeah, guess so. I don’t mind the rain.” He ordered a whiskey on ice, and turned to face him.
“I have a feeling we’re both here for ‘bout the same reasons.” He said, taking a sip of his drink. This had been an awfully long night for him. Talked to her on the phone for the first time since they broke up. Now she answered her phone. Invited him to her wedding, which he’d go to. They were still friends, it just..hurt. And well, it was about the old way he knew how to deal with things that hurt nowadays. It wasn’t like it really mattered, the reactor would probably kill him first.
“Long day.” He added quietly, clearly thinking as he turned back to face the plain bartop. This place was kind of a dive, but it had been the first place that struck his fancy after two hours of just driving. He sighed, feeling a little..sad. But, he didn’t need to be sad right now. He was happy enough to see Bucky.
“How about you? My girlfriend’s getting married..to my chauffeur.”
-
Bucky raised his eyebrows. That was reason enough for Tony to be drinking. “Damn,” He chuckled a little. “That sucks. I’m sorry.” He ran a hand through his hair, tucking a piece behind his ear.
“I’m just here ‘cause my boyfriend’s a pain in the ass and won’t let me blast Rent while I do the dishes.” He smiled, hoping that his attempt at lightening the mood would work at least a little. That was an oversimplification of the truth, but getting into Steve and his...complicated relationship involved a power point and notecards. He had to convince Steve he was kidding when he’d told that one at Sam’s party. Took him forty minutes.
“You think he’d use this time to sleep, considering how much he complains about how tired he is. But no,” He took another swig from his bottle. “Somehow, soon as I get home, he’s got all the energy in the world, to bitch and moan to me.”
-
Tony chuckled dryly.
“Yeah, I know that one.” He shook his head. “Significant others, am I right? I mean, geez.” He sighed.
“Some people just stay around to break your heart, I swear.” He took another sip of his whiskey, thinking. He was still friends with Pepper, kind of. But she had left him with a lot. Being CEO of the company, and everything else..yeah. He wasn’t doing a great job, he’d admit it.
“‘Least you don’t have a company to run while you’re at it. God, I am horrible at my job.” He shook his head. Wouldn’t matter in a year or two, anyways. They’d find an interim and probably just go back to making a fortune in weaponry. When had his life become so damn depressing? Ugh. “Sorry. That’s a lot of shit all at once.” Welcome to his world.
“Sorry about your man, though. I only met him once, but..he kinda seems like he would be that way.” Steve had struck him as the ‘complaining mom’ type, really. Not that he’d say that to Bucky’s face since they were still dating, apparently.
-
“S’alright.” He’d been wanting to call it quits with Steve for a’while but...he was a bit scared. Steve was the first one who’d accepted him when he’d come out back in freshman year of highschool, and they’d been thick as thieves since diapers.
“I kinda feel like I’m married to the guy, y’know? Sucks...considering I’m not.” He finished his beer and signaled for another. One more wouldn’t hurt, right? He was enjoying seeing Tony, and wanted an excuse to stay up at the bar.
“And I bet you do better than I ever could. Never really a business person. I work down at the history museum, I haven’t had to look at any paperwork other than archival files for years.” Bucky laughed warmly, and caught himself looking into Tony’s amber eyes. They were dark, but had a certain sparkle to them. Was lovely.
God. He was dating someone, he shouldn’t be getting weak at the knees over other guys! Even if he didn’t want to be with Steve anymore, that gave him no right to let his mind wander.
-
Tony noticed that Bucky had ordered a drink, so he finished his own and did the same. His was smaller, after all. God, Bucky was gorgeous. Had thought so ever since he met him. Probably shouldn’t drink much more, lest the temptation became too much for the both of him. Still. Bucky was beautiful, from head to toe. Hair, eyes, the way he dressed..God. He in trouble. Both were.
“You wanna move somewhere quieter?” The bar was fairly busy, and he was eyeing an empty corner booth in a shady area. Perfect place for a bit more privacy, but not too much. Tony stood and nodded towards it, showing him what he was thinking of.
“Should be quieter over there.” Sure, Bucky was dating someone, but he didn’t really seem to like him that much. They’d probably just kiss a little, exchange numbers, and call it a night. No big deal. There was no way Steve would find out unless Bucky told him, and why do that? They could both have a nice night for once, at least.
-
Bucky followed Tony over to the booth wordlessly, stars in his eyes. What was he going to tell Steve? Well...nothing had happened. Yet. They were just two friends having a couple drinks. Sitting in a little booth shoulder to shoulder. Nothing sinister here.
It would break his heart, though. If Bucky broke up with him. He’d told him how much his love meant. How he was what got him through the days...that without Bucky he was nothing. He’d also told him that he’d cause some extraordinary pain too, and that his opinions and humor had made him depressed on occasion. Bucky had given up on rationalizing Steve’s defenses.
“You ever dance?” He asked once they were settled. In this corner, there was a pianist playing covers of mellow rock songs. If he wasn’t so entranced, or so fucking anxious, he probably would have bribed the man to play a show tune and danced poorly too it.
-
Tony nodded a little bit, taking a sip.
“Poorly, but yeah.” What the hell, he was already feeling a little buzzed..why not?
“Want to?” He asked, offering a hand. “I wouldn’t mind it.” He could already imagine holding Bucky close, swaying to the music..planting soft kisses on him. Sounded perfect. After a moment, he took Bucky’s hand, and led him out onto the area they’d cleared as a dance floor. He moved close, carefully swaying to the music. It was nice. Hadn’t stepped on Bucky’s foot yet. They were close, and it was like...like Tony had been waiting for this man his entire life. Bucky smelt of beer and he smelt of whiskey, and they both were just so close that Tony could see every detail of his beautiful face. All logic thrown out the window, goodbye, all he wanted was to be with this man. He had waited. Maybe he could wait longer. “You’re so handsome.” He said quietly, watching him.
“Can I..?” Screw it. Tony leaned forward, and kissed his cheek. Every freckle, scar, and spot on Bucky’s face had combined to make the most beautiful, kissable face that Tony had ever seen. How had he gotten so lucky to run into him tonight?
-
Bucky hated how much he liked how Tony was looking at him. How he complimented him. Dare he say it, how he kissed him. Like he hung the moon and scattered the stars. God, he wanted to kiss the man himself. But what would Steve do once he figured it out? Dragged the truth out of Bucky? Yell at him? Cry? Refuse to talk to him, but complain about how sad he was on Facebook and pull the pity me card around their friends? He sighed, and spun Tony around, a bit harder with only one hand, but he knew what he was doing. Bucky wanted this so bad. It was like in the books; dancing the night away at a bar right off the street. But...he couldn’t do it. Couldn’t hurt Steve like that. The retribution would be devastating. And what if Steve did something rash and it was all Bucky’s fault? He’d never forgive himself. Steve had threatened so much over the past six months that Bucky was afraid to even tell him he didn’t like pizza.
“I don’t know if I should be doing this yet.” He said, still swaying to the music. “Steve...he can be rash sometimes. Especially when I do things that upset him.” He shrugged. “When anyone does, but especially me.” The words were bitter on his tongue and he hated saying them. All he wanted was to kiss Tony on the lips and dream the apartment he had to go home to away. But Steve wouldn’t like that.
-
Tony paused, and nodded slightly. He pulled a scrap of a business card out of his pocket, and handed it to Bucky.
“This is my cell. Text me if you ever decide to leave him, okay? I’ll try to be around.” He added, softly. Hopefully, he’d still be alive at that point. He gave Bucky a look that only conveyed longing, then gently released him.
“Take care of yourself. Try to be happy, even if it isn’t with me.” He placed another soft kiss on top of Bucky’s forehead, then released him.
“I’ll see you again sometime, Bucky.” He hoped. With one fluid motion, he put his drink back on the bar, and left. Tony was still good to drive hopefully, and his first priority was going home. He could drink there too, he just..didn’t want to see Bucky right now. Too tempting, too..much. God, Tony wished he could have held him and danced the night away, but that wasn’t the way things could be. Not now and maybe not ever. Bucky would probably tie the knot with Steve, be trapped with him forever. And wasn’t that just as sad as dying alone.
-
Bucky watched Tony leave, and sat back down in the booth, now alone. He chugged the rest of his beer, now wanting to feel nothing, be nothing. In his hand, he still had Tony’s number, and the impression of his lips was still fresh on his forehead. That’s what it could be like. Just not for him. He was with who he was supposed to be with. Best friend to lovers, that’s how it worked out for him. And he fucking hated it. Sighing, he stood, and rifled through his wallet, sticking a five dollar bill in the tip jar of the pianist. Then, he trudged out, and sat on his motorcycle, looking out into the rain.
************************
Bucky wondered briefly what would happen if he just rode in the opposite direction of the apartment building. Just rode ‘till he ran out of gas and waited to see what would happen. No. He wanted to go to bed. Even if it meant sharing it with Steve who was stiff as a board and never let Bucky hold him. Bucky revved the engine and glided out of the parking lot, towards the two bedroom he shared with Steve Rogers, dreading what he was going to come home to. Would he somehow be able to tell? That he’d danced with another man? Gazed adoringly at another? Probably. Bucky wasn’t sure how, but probably.
-
Steve was waiting for him. Where the hell was he? Sure, he’d left in a huff, but they’d only been arguing about whether it was his turn to cook again or not. Steve wasn’t that strong, he couldn’t cook every damn night, after all. He was sitting, watching a Lifetime movie and waiting with his arms crossed. It was obvious that he was pretty upset, he’d already posted to Facebook twice, and called all of their friends, and he still hadn’t heard anything from Bucky. When the man walked in, Steve stood up, looking far fiercer than he should for a twig.
“Where the hell were you? I had to eat cereal, and I was alone all night. Is there someone else? Did you go to a strip club?” He walked closer. “You were at a damned bar. Don’t lie, I can smell it on you.” He shook his head.
“You’re hurting me, Bucky. Why are you abandoning me now? I don’t get it. All I wanted was a simple dinner, maybe some macaroni and cheese or something, and you couldn’t even do that for me?” He shook his head.
“I don’t know why I’m still here.” He said dramatically, before starting to walk off to the bedroom. Slowly. Obviously waiting for his boyfriend to say something, apologize, anything.
-
Even though Bucky had heard the spiel a hundred times over, it still made his temper flare and his heart hurt. He sighed, and followed Steve to the bedroom. “I’m sorry, Stevie. I really am.” He took off his leather jacket and stuck it on a chair.
“I thought we’d talked about this? That I was going out to do a couple things and maybe go to the piano bar? Take a little space?” He tried to smile at Steve, but he knew things were already going sour. Bucky knew what was about to happen, but there really wasn’t much he could to stop it. Steve would get upset and it’d take a while to get him outta it.
“We could make some cookies together, wanna do that?” He said softly, sitting by Steve on the bed, putting his hand on his shoulder. Everyday it seemed to be the same hill Bucky had to climb, convincing Steve he was worth it and that he loved him. They became empty words, but he didn’t know what else to do. What if...what if he did something because Bucky left him? That’d be on his conscience, not Steve’s.
-
Steve didn’t move when he touched his shoulder, looking away. Hmm. Baking cookies together didn’t sound..too bad. “Fine.” He said, quietly. “But you get to make dinner tomorrow. I can’t do it, you know that Bucky. I just don’t have the energy to do that kind of thing all the time.” He looked up at him, big blue eyes still watery. “I love you, this is just all so much. You know how tired I get.” He stood up, weakly.
“Don’t leave me again for a while, please. I hate it when you go and I’m alone in this apartment on my own. I don’t know what I’d do if I fell, or I couldn’t do something…” He shook his head.
“I need you. I don’t know what I would do without you.” He took Bucky’s hand and squeezed it, using him to stand up the rest of the way.
“Let’s go to the kitchen. We could make sugar cookies.” They were his favorite kind, of course. Sugar, spice, and everything nice. That’s what Steve thought he was made of. Just needed a little help from time to time, from Bucky. Depended upon him, really.
-
Bucky sighed, and followed him. “I won’t. I promise.” He’d just have to wait awhile to see Tony alone again, he supposed. Or any of his friends alone again. The Commandos, a casual band of his close friends at the museum who liked to play some weekends. When he did go out, it’d have to be with Steve in tow, nitpicking every little thing, every glance, every bite of food.
“We can go see a movie or something. I heard that there’s a good musical in theaters.” While he did love a good broadway show, movie musicals drove him nuts. On the contrary, Steve loved ‘em. He’d given up on requesting political dramas. Steve would watch them, but never bring them up in conversation, even when Bucky would all but say the title while they talked. Once in the kitchen, he pulled his hand from Steve’s and began gathering ingredients. This was about the last thing he wanted to do. He was a little tipsy, and just wanted to sleep it off, but he knew he wouldn’t hear the end of it if the two of them didn’t go to bed together or spend time together before then. So, he swallowed any objections, and began making cookies with his boyfriend. Sugar cookies. The blandest, most basic cookie. The saltine of baked goods. Crumbled if you looked at it wrong. Bucky liked ones that had a bunch’a stuff in them. Chocolate chips, cranberries, toffee. Stuff that made made it interesting.
-
Tony was drunk inventing. Again. There was nothing that went better together than welding and crying, after all. And whiskey. Whiskey too. Lot of that. He had discovered the lines, more of them. And god, he was feeling it more every day. Tired, sick..and not just from the drinking. Tony knew he was dying, and there was no way around it. Couldn’t take the reactor out, but he was being poisoned from leaving it in. What was the point? There was no solution. He was going to die in his lab, surrounded by his robots. Rhodey would call, Pepper would call, but they didn’t care as long as he said he was fine. There was nobody.
“Just wish..wish I had somebody.” He said, to no one. The lab was empty except for Dum-E, U, and Jarvis. Jarvis was staying quiet, as he usually did when he was disappointed in Tony’s life choices. Well, screw him. The rest of the night went like that, until he passed out on a table and Dum-E luckily extinguished the blowtorch. He was good for something, apparently.
When Tony woke up, he was also characteristically alone. Nothing surprising, but he had experienced a dream that was..unusual. Bucky. Of course he had been drunk so that could have something to do with it, but it seemed like more than that. He had been dating Bucky, spending time with him. He was healthy. Tony wished it could be real. Wished he could actually have that. Instead, a nervous looking assistant entered the lab, and dropped off some papers and a Starbucks before leaving before he could say anything. Damn. Even his own staff didn’t want to be around him for any longer than necessary. Still. What if it was real? A cure seemed impossible, but at least he could look for it. Tony didn’t really want to die, he wanted someone to be with. But at this point, the latter seemed more likely than the former. Maybe..if he could find a cure, he’d find someone to be with too.