Archive of Our Own ^beta

It was a good day in the Pegasus Galaxy. Life in Atlantis was great. Really great. Sometimes Sam felt a twinge of regret that Daniel couldn't be there with her, though. All these amazing things, the discoveries he could make, but he was unlikely to ever get to Atlantis for more than just a brief visit. It was a shame. And wasn't it weird that Jack wouldn't allow Daniel to come to Atlantis? He'd pretty much forbidden Daniel to go, but had just clapped her shoulder and wished her good luck. Smiling about Jack's oddities Sam looked around the mess for a moment.

Sam herself had only been in Atlantis for a few months now, but she already felt like she belonged. Her working relationship with Colonel Sheppard was good and everybody had been quite welcoming. Even Rodney, who thankfully left her alone more or less. When she'd been asked to take over after Elizabeth's death, Rodney had been Sam's greatest worry. But he'd changed a lot while he'd been out here. Much to Sam's surprise. Well, he'd changed in some regards, in others he'd stayed exactly the same. Which still worried her a little.

Still, she felt a little lonely. After years of being in a closely knit team she wasn't used to being in charge. While friendly, she was still regarded like an outsider by most people. So when Rodney put his tray on her table while she viewed some files in the mess she was glad for it.

"Sam," he said and nodded at her, then started eating his meal.

She nodded back, her eyes only leaving the screen for a moment. "Rodney, good to see you. I've been working on that device–"

"The one you stole from me?" he asked and he sounded scandalized.

Sam sighed. Rodney was still pretty much the same as before in some ways. "Yes, Rodney, the one I 'stole' from you. You've got more than enough work anyway," she answered. He was extraordinarily tight with Ancient devices and Sam didn't want to just do paperwork. She was a scientist, she wanted to research, to do something useful. Of course she knew she couldn't do a lot in the labs, but she still wanted to contribute at least a little bit. "I don't understand why you're not allowing more of your people access to the devices we've found. You can't do it all on your own. Other people should get a chance at looking at them as well. I'd like for you to revise your guideline on handling Ancient devices."

Rodney put down his fork in a carefully controlled movement Sam had never expected to see on him and looked at her with a scarily serious expression on his face. "These rules are in place for a reason. Elizabeth, John and I didn't sit down one day and decided to make people's lives harder and less fun. I don't know why everyone who wasn't with us from the beginning thinks they know so much better, but these guidelines have saved us more than once. And I'm going to drill them into the heads of people until they explode before I lose any more friends because of things like … oh, I don't know, exploding tumors."

"I understand that you're trying to be on the safe side, here," Sam answered. They'd all lost friends to unfortunate accidents before. Trying to avoid them was definitely a good thing. But … "We're here to explore, to learn new things. We can't do that if we limit ourselves like that. I want to you to revise the guidelines, please."

For a long moment he stared at her, then picked up the fork again and continued eating. "I refuse to take the blame for any deaths caused by that," he said through a mouth full of whatever they were handing out. Sam turned back to her notebook so she didn't have to watch Rodney shovel that lime green stuff into his mouth. "Also, I'm going to go on file as saying this is a phenomenally bad idea."

Sam sighed. She wasn't really reading the page in front of her anymore. This talk with Rodney was far too upsetting. Why did he have to be so contrary? It wasn't like she asked him to hand out Ancient devices left and right. These were scientists, people who were here to research, to find out as much as they could. They all knew the things they worked with could be dangerous. "You can do that, Rodney, but it won't change my mind. The people we get are all highly qualified –"

"And have been freshly recruited with only theoretical knowledge."

"– and they shouldn't be delegated to the sidelines like that." She glared at him, irritated by the interruption. "Of course they only have theoretical knowledge. Where are they supposed to learn how to deal with these things if not here?"

Rodney perked up and waved a finger at her in what was obviously fake excitement. "Oh, I know the answer to that one: Somewhere where they can't actually blow us up by accident," Rodney told her, his tone arch. "I'd rather Atlantis doesn't sink to the ocean floor a second time, definitely not in pieces. For some reason I'm particularly fond of breathing."

"I'm not asking you to hand out anything dangerous," Sam countered.

He raised his chin in a defiant manner and looked at her incredulously. "How exactly am I supposed to know if they're dangerous or not before I've looked at them? Hmm? Scan them with my oh so powerful scanning tool that'll light up red if the device has a potentially harmful effect? Or better yet, find it on the Ancient database because that's so easy to do. Why didn't I think of doing that before?"

The infuriating thing about the whole issue was that Rodney was right. He was absolutely right. And yet the new members of the scientific team that kept pouring in were practically useless unless Rodney gave them something to do. Sam was sick and tired of them complaining to her via e-mail or – worse – coming to her personally. "I know that's impossible, Rodney," she tried to be reasonable, "but you'll have to find a way to keep the new guys busy anyway. Give them something to do. How about you give them some safe stuff for training purposes?"

Rodney sighed in a rather long suffering way, but Sam could see in the way he relaxed his posture that she'd won this one. "I can do that," he said, then resolutely looked down at his food and changed the subject. "So, you and I …"

Sam suppressed a grin, "Never gonna happen, McKay." She knew he wasn't really trying anymore. His tone of voice wasn't intense, hell, he wasn't even looking at her when he said things like that. There was a small smile there, though, that told her plainly he was teasing. Odd, how these things got to be pleasant conversation fillers. "Not even when hell freezes over," she added, eliciting a genuine smile from Rodney. They'd made their peace, it seemed. That was when Jennifer Keller walked into the mess. She passed their table and Sam could see the way Rodney stared at her for a moment before returning to his meal. Great. Poor woman. Looked that while Rodney had stopped going after her he'd found someone else to concentrate on. At least he'd gotten less obvious about it.

"Do you think she and I …?" he trailed off and waved his fork in Jennifer's general direction.

She turned back to her work. Where are you, Daniel, when I really need you to translate some Ancient scribblings for me? Her Ancient wasn't bad, but Daniel would already have been done with this. "No, Rodney, I don't think you and her," she answered, her mind already on more important matters.

"Well," Rodney answered, "not to say anything, but she's turned down Ronon for me. That's got to mean something, right?"

"No, really, Rodney, it doesn't. What gave you the impression anybody would want anything at all to do with you, anyway?" Sam asked absentmindedly. "You're not exactly relationship material. And I don't think Jennifer could ever be really interested in you. She might have turned down Ronon, but that sure doesn't mean she did it for you. It's bad enough you were so fixated on me that you hallucinated me," Sam told Rodney and at the same second realized what she'd been saying. Looking up from her work she saw the frozen expression on Rodney's face and the way his hand had stopped with the laden fork half-way to his mouth. Damnit. She hadn't really been thinking about what she'd said. And instead of taking him seriously she'd continued their earlier banter. "I mean, I'm sure there's someone out there for you." Crap, oh crap. There was now a wide-eyed look of pure hurt on Rodney's face that was quickly covered up by a blankness expression. "That didn't come out right, Rodney," she started, but Rodney got up rather stiffly, leaving the rest of his lunch behind.
"I have to go, there is a simulation that I'm sure is done by now back in the lab," he muttered and hurried out of the mess hall.

Sam hung her head for a moment, then sighed. Rodney had a big enough ego and more than ample arrogance to get over a few thoughtless words. He'd be fine. With that Sam turned back to her work. By the time she swung by the labs later that day she'd already forgotten all about the whole thing.

It had taken Sam most of the afternoon to translate all the information they got off the database about the gadget. Days like these Sam really wished Daniel was there. Maybe one day soon Jack would get over his ridiculous protectiveness of Daniel and let him come here. Hopefully Sam would still be there to greet him. It'd be great to have him here, see his enthusiasm for the city up close once more.

Sam was just about to enter the main lab when she felt a sudden wave of dizziness wash over here. It was gone as quickly as it had come, but still, she reached out to lean against the sturdy metal of the wall for just a moment. It didn't come back and Sam frowned, then shrugged and went on. "Hey, Rodney, I think I've figured out what it does. We definitely should keep it away from Colonel Sheppard. Unless we'd like for his hair to become a nice shade of pink." She could have told him this over the radio, of course, but it'd be so much more fun to see him sputter and move the device safely out of grabbing hands. "Yeah, I know, I think pink wouldn't suit him either," Sam said, grinning and wondering why McKay was so quiet. That was when she looked up from her notebook and into the surprised stare of Rodney McKay. A Rodney McKay who looked … old. His hair was grey now and there were lines on his face that hadn't been there a few hours ago.

"Carter?" he asked, awed.

"You're old," she exclaimed and dropped her notebook in shock. "Rodney, you're … oh my god, you're old!"

Rodney's surprised expression faded and he ran a hand through his retreating hair. "Why, thank you for the compliment, Carter," he answered, deadpan. "Let me return it. You look … alive."

Sam blinked at the animosity and suddenly felt faint again. She reached out to the wall, missed and ended up on her ass, wondering what exactly she'd touched that sent her to the future. "I may have a problem," she mused out loud and watched in amazement as Rodney's glare turned into glee.

"I may have to agree."

Sometimes, Sam pondered, it would be so much easier if she was one of those women in the romance novels who tended to pass out at the drop of a head. Unconsciousness would have been welcome at that point. Very much so.

"Samantha Carter," John said evenly and Sam could have sworn he added a muttered 'good god' behind it. She'd never really felt like John hated her before, but right now she got the vibe that she wasn't exactly welcome. "Well, this is a surprise," he continued. It didn't sound like he thought it was a good surprise, though.

"You can say that again," Sam muttered. They were both a good twenty years older and she'd never thought it would be this disconcerting seeing either of them with grey hair. Lines of worry were edged into John's forehead, but there were lines of laughter around his eyes and mouth as well. It was all very surreal. He'd made General. General Sheppard. Governor of Atlantis. A colony of Earth. She still couldn't get over that. "I can't remember touching anything in the labs. Certainly nothing that was already initialized. I got dizzy when I was in the doorway, but that's about it," she said, her gaze wavering between John and Rodney, who was still looking at her with panic practically shining out of his eyes. She just wished John would stop with the staring already. It was starting to creep her out.

"Well," Rodney said, and he seemed very subdued. Not like the Rodney McKay she knew at all. Actually, he kept sending her small, apprehensive looks before his gaze returned to stare a hole into the empty space above Sam's right shoulder. "Well," he repeated. Then he laughed – and it sounded rather nervous instead of happy or delighted or what not – and for a moment Sam thought he probably lost it somewhere along the last twenty years and they only kept him in the labs to make sure he didn't blow up the whole city with his craziness. "This really is a surprise." He didn't sound as if it was a good one either. It made Sam feel ridiculously unwelcome in the city she'd lived and work in for nearly half a year. Then Rodney laughed again and Sam could hear the hysteria beneath it. He nudged John with his elbow and pointed at her. "At least it's not another one of you," he said.

"What do you mean with that?" Sam asked, sitting up straight in her chair. The whole situation was uncomfortable and – frankly – scary. She'd been in a lot of situations over the years, but she'd never been in them so completely on her own. Usually her team had been there to back her up and she missed them quite a lot right then. A few hours ago General John Sheppard had still been Colonel Sheppard and she'd outranked him … now he was her superior and Sam didn't know what to think about that at all. Everything here was so … off. Rodney was different, John was different. There were so many people. Atlantis was truly a colony now, rather than an isolated base.

John looked at her for another heartbeat, then he sighed, as if he really didn't want to be the one to tell her something. Like he usually did when the news were really, really bad. "What is today's date?" he asked, though, instead of answering her question.

"It's the 14th of February 2008," Sam answered, frowning in confusion. "But what does that have to do with anything?" She asked out loud.

The two shared a look and when John turned back to her, his face was just that little bit harder and the look in his eyes that much more steely. "You aren't our first visitor from another universe," John said. "See, our Samantha Carter died two months before that date. An unfortunate accident in one of the labs. Killed fifteen scientists, injured five more badly."

Sam's gaze went to Rodney, who looked pale in what was most probably remembered pain. "I … what happened?" she asked him. But it was John who answered.

"The containment field of one of the experiments failed. Carter died instantly; she was too close, which really was lucky for Radek and Rodney. She kind of protected them from the blast enough to only land them in the infirmary for a week." The matter-of-fact tone was painful to listen to. Her alternate obviously hadn't been well-liked.

Looking back and forth between the two, Sam tried to process what was going on. "I have no idea what is happening, sir," she said, automatically falling back to formality. "May I speak freely?" At John's nod she continued, "I think you shouldn't blame me for whatever you had against your Samantha Carter. If this really is another reality, then I'm not at fault for what she did to either of you." Or to punish for it, she wanted to add, but she didn't want to give them any ideas, or push her luck.

"Rodney," John suddenly said, "isn't there something you have to do in the labs?"

Rodney frowned. "No, I don't think there is. Why?"

With a roll of his eyes John turned to Rodney and just looked.

"Oh. You want to talk to her alone," Rodney said, as if he'd developed sudden telepathy. "I'll just go to the lab." He shrugged and got up. Then, as if on afterthought, turned back towards John and brushed a kiss against John's lips.

Sam blinked. She didn't even notice Rodney leaving, her mind too busy processing what she'd just seen. Rodney. Kissing John.

"Now, listen," John said. "I don't want you to talk to Rodney, I don't want you to be in the same room with him. Try and get him alone and I will make sure you end up in the holding cell. Touch him and I will break your hands. Is that clear?"

If she hadn't still been in shock from the kiss, Sam was sure she'd have said something thoughtful and brilliant back to that. As it was, all she did was nod mutely, mutter 'yes, sir' and wonder what on Earth she had done to deserve this. Or what they had done to pull her into this madhouse universe.

"Samantha Carter was a bitch; she undermined Rodney's self-confidence at every chance she got. Through thoughtlessness mostly, I'll grant her that, but still. Now, I don't particularly care how much you and her are not the same person, so let's not argue about that, alright? You look like her, you talk like her and I know for certain that Rodney still has a huge amount of issues over what she said to him a few days before she died. If you dig that up, if you hurt my husband, then I'm sure you'll understand that I'll be forced to do something drastic."

"I," Sam tried to answer, but she really didn't know what to say to that. At all. "Husband?" she suddenly asked. What the hell?

John leaned back in his chair and smirked at her. "Husband," he repeated, raising his hand and wiggling his fingers at her. And right, there it was: a gold band on his left ring finger. "Are we understood?"

Sam swallowed. "Yes, sir," she said. "I'm not to talk to Rodney on my own, I'm not to touch him and I'm specifically not to hurt him. Understood, sir," she said, retreating to the welcome formality of speaking to a higher ranking officer.

"Good," John said, then the tension left his shoulders and suddenly he looked much more like the John Sheppard she'd been working with for the last few months. "We've been married for nearly eighteen years now. And the last thing I want is for him to feel inadequate again. It took me years go make him disregard what your other version said to him."

"Sir, if I may ask, what did she say to Rodney?"

John cocked his head to the right, studying her for a long moment before he answered her, "She told him that nobody would want anything to do with him. That he wasn't suitable for a relationship. She told him that he would be alone for the rest of his life and should best give up trying to find a partner. That he was an arrogant, egoistical asshole who shouldn't be left unsupervised in social situations." He looked at Sam again, it felt very much like he was judging her. "That's the gist of it. I could go on for a while, but I'm sure you can imagine."

And god, she could. She'd said something along those lines to Rodney earlier that day. Not in those words, of course, but close. She just hadn't thought he'd take it to heart. But she'd seen the hurt on Rodney's face and had dismissed it … thinking he wouldn't care either way at the end of the day. Hadn't thought things like that could actually be painful for Rodney McKay. She'd never … "I'm so sorry," she whispered, unsure of who she was directing her apology to. The Rodney she'd hurt so much wasn't even there and John didn't look like he wanted it. "So how do I get back home?" She had to ask, if only so she could go and tell Rodney how very sorry she was.

John shrugged and gave her a half-smile. For a moment he looked so much like John that Sam was startled by all the differences anew. "We have no clue," he drawled.

"But you said-"

"Yes, we've had visitors before. Two versions of Rodney, one of myself, and Elizabeth Weir in stasis, but apart from Elizabeth we don't know how they got here or how they left again. They just … appeared. They stayed a while. Then they vanished again. It's rather random. The other version of myself was here for nearly two years before he vanished again. He was our first and we'd settled him in when Rodney couldn't figure out what to do. The first Rodney we got stayed for a week. The second one stayed for half a year. Actually, he just left a few days ago. So. Yeah, we've got a bit of experience with the likes of you." He smiled and Sam couldn't help but note that he looked rather happy. "I'm afraid you're stuck here for a bit."

"I'm sure if Rodney and I work together we can figure something out," Sam said before she could think again and then watched as John's smile was replaced by a deep frown. "Something must be the reason for me being here," she forged ahead, heedless of the dark look John was giving her.

John sat up straight. "If two Rodneys couldn't figure it out working together, what makes you think you'll do that much better?"

"Well, Rodney is certainly brilliant, but he does lack intuition," Sam said. Damn, again with the not thinking. Her John would have grinned at her and told her that she's got that right. This John? Didn't seem especially amused. Small wonder, she'd just pretty much insulted his husband. Damn.

"I have a feeling you'll be here a while, Carter," John drawled and stood up.

Sam had a feeling, too. It mostly had to do with toeing the line very carefully to stay on Governor John Sheppard's good side. And with looking for a way to get home quickly. Her people were most likely already looking for her and if Sam couldn't find her own way home, then her Rodney would manage. She had to believe that. "I hope not, sir," she commented dryly and at John's glare decided to try and keep her mouth shut around him starting right then and there. She got up as well and asked, "I'd like to get some rest, with your permission." Alone time was exactly what she needed right now. Her head was spinning with all the things she'd found out just in the last hour, really. That, and some of her rather basic views on life had been turned upside down. She had a lot to think about.

This Atlantis was different. Different in a way that set Sam's teeth on edge. She'd been given quarters and they were what drove it all home. The walls were a hue of blue that she'd never seen in the city she'd come to love, and the beds … well, the beds were actually people sized.

John had grudgingly given her access to reports and she knew she should be reading, but she felt too upset to even look at them. The thought of staying in an alternate reality with no way to get back home wasn't Sam's idea of a relaxing vacation. Leaning against the railing she looked down on the lower level.

"It's kind of sweet of you to go all Neanderthal in order to protect me, but you do realize that she's not our Samantha Carter?" Rodney's voice drifted up rather clearly and Sam startled at the mention of her name. And woah! Had Rodney just called John Sheppard 'sweet'?

She turned to leave, but then John laughed and for some reason Sam just couldn't make herself go. "I don't want you to be unhappy, I have to live with you, remember? You can't really blame me for trying to spare you more pain, either, can you?" he asked, but his voice was warm and the tone gentle.

An impatient huff from Rodney made Sam grimace. Same old Rodney. "Of course not. Have I ever stopped you from something you had your heart set on?"

"Let me think …" John said, his voice clearly teasing and Sam simply had to turn back around. She peeked over the railing again, hoping she'd go unnoticed.

"It was a hypothetical question," Rodney amended almost immediately, turning to John. They had stopped walking right underneath of where Sam was standing. "You really don't have to do this. I'm a big boy, I can protect myself. It's really nice of you to be on my six like that, but you don't have to–"

"Rodney," John said, cutting Rodney off before he could take off in one of his famous rants. Sam could hear the exasperated tone but it was underlined with … fondness, one she'd heard so often and yet never really took notice of. "I've had your six ever since we stepped through the 'gate for the first time together. I kind of like your six," John said, crowding Rodney against the wall and putting his hands on Rodney's ass. Sam felt like a voyeur as she watched John kiss Rodney. Openly. Just like that. In a public corridor. She wasn't sure why that bothered her so much, it probably had more to do with it being Rodney than anything else, though. "What I'm much more worried about is what is going on in that head of yours."

"Nothing. Nothing is going on in my head." It sounded a bit too defensive, though, even to Sam.

Apparently John thought so as well, because he growled "Rodney" in a rather reproachful tone.

Sam was looking down at them, watched them staring at each other. Watched as Rodney's arms came up around John and he put his head on John's shoulder. "Alright. So she's freaking me out just a little." John made a small sound of disapproval and Rodney ran a hand down his back as if to soothe him. "Yes, yes. She makes me very uncomfortable. The thought of working together with her in any capacity makes my skin itch."

Feeling sick, Sam edged away from the railing. They were talking about her, and something she'd said twenty years ago still had Rodney so vulnerable that she could hear the hurt in his voice. It made her want to cry about what she'd said to her Rodney the day she'd been snatched from her universe.

"She won't bother you," Sam heard John say. "I made it very clear that she's to leave you alone."

"Thanks, John." In all the time she'd known him Rodney had never sounded this gentle.

They were quiet for a second and Sam peeked again, unable to reign in her curiosity. Instead of the kiss she'd expected they were just hugging, Rodney clinging to John while he was muttering things into Rodney's ear.

"You know that I love you, right?" Rodney suddenly asked and even Sam could hear the insecurity in the question.

"Yeah, Rodney, you told me already today. But I really like hearing it, so feel free to repeat that as often as you want."

"I love you," Rodney muttered into John's neck and Sam could barely hear him. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

"I love you, too."

Sam felt like she was intruding on a very intimate moment and while she wanted to turn around and leave she was afraid she'd be found out.

"Now stop worrying, stop thinking about it. Remember she's not actually the Samantha Carter you knew back then. This is a completely different person. And while I see the hypocrisy in me saying this … she's probably not out to hurt you and maybe she's even kinda nice."

Rodney giggled at that. It was a sound Sam had never heard before. "Yeah, that is hypocritical of you, considering what you threatened to do if she so much as spoke to me."

"You listened in again." John laughed. "How often have I told you not to do that?" Rodney didn't say anything to that, but Sam saw them separate. "You should go to the labs, Radek called earlier to update me on that new project of his. He found something I think you'd be interested in."

"And he can't call me directly to tell me?" Rodney asked. "I go on leave for a week and the little Czech traitor forgets whom he reports to. It's probably best if I go and set things right. No telling what all the new 'scientists'," he ranted and Sam could hear the quotes, "have been doing while I've been away. I'll get right on that." He looked at John and Sam could see the fond expression on Rodney's face. He leaned in to brush their lips together once again, then walked away. Sam's eyes followed him and when she looked back at John, his head was tipped back and their eyes locked. "Crap," she muttered and fled before he could flay her alive. As she practically ran back to her room she could hear John's laughter following her. She hid there for a while.

The next day, she tried to be as inconspicuous as possible and kept to the seldom used corridors of the city. It wasn't because of the general. No. All he did was smirk every time he saw her. And on one memorable occasion he had waggled his eyebrows. It had been embarrassing more than anything. At least he didn't seem to be angry that she'd eavesdropped.

She'd found a nice balcony with some sort of bench, where she could sit in the sun. Something she never really did on her Atlantis. Just looking out over the city wasn't an activity she often had time for. Not if she wanted for all of her people to stay alive at least.

It was oddly peaceful.

"Stop procrastinating," she told herself sternly. "Why does it bother you so much to find out that Rodney McKay is a real person?"

The answer to that was enlightening.

It bothered her because she didn't want him to be a real person. She was okay with thinking of him as an egoistical, brilliant pig who thought the world of himself and nothing of anyone else. To see him in this setting … having known him in Atlantis, fitting in so neatly, being the one who pulled them out of the fire again and again hadn't been something she'd understood. She'd never thought of Rodney as insecure, as someone who needed someone like that.

Had never bothered to look below the façade of bluster and arrogance he'd so readily projected.

Back, when he'd been called in to help them save Teal'c, she'd hated him for his readiness to give up on one of hers. It had never occurred to her that he didn't know what it meant to have a team. Maybe he didn't even know what it meant to have a family.

Sam had never thought of herself as lucky. Now she did, though. She'd grown up normal, she'd had her family's love, encouragement. Had Rodney had that? Deep inside Sam knew that while she was intelligent, Rodney McKay was brilliant. He wasn't just good, he was a genius. She'd seen his file, knew where he'd been, what he'd done.

Before, that hadn't fazed her. She hadn't wanted to look through Rodney's masks into who he really was underneath. But now, with what she'd seen earlier, she realized that the arrogant, self-centered egomaniac they'd all thought Rodney McKay was, was just a mask. Why he felt that he needed to wear it, Sam didn't know. She couldn't relate, but she could guess.

What was worst about the whole situation was that she hadn't wanted to relate. But maybe it was time to let the past rest. Teal'c was fine, the Earth had survived Anubis' attack. And Rodney McKay had learned what it was like to be part of a team, what it meant to have family.

Briefly she wondered if her McKay had already learned that, but in a flash of understanding she saw Rodney together with his team. Rodney having a meal with John, Teyla and Ronon, Teyla and Rodney talking to each other, and Ronon teaching Rodney self-defense. Her Rodney had really found a family. This Rodney Mckay's marriage with John Sheppard really wasn't that far fetched either, she could finally see that, too. Especially since now she remembered the way Rodney and John were sniping at each other, standing close to each other, looking at each other. Her revelation was like turning on a light in a dark room and things she hadn't even noticed before were suddenly starting to make sense. Rodney and John were in love. With each other. Sam shook her head to clear it and stood up to pace.

Why, for the love of God, did Rodney keep pining after Jennifer if he was actually interested in John? Especially with John being interested right back? And if she lived to be a hundred Sam doubted she'd ever understand men, but Rodney McKay was extra special in that regard. Then she remembered what exactly she'd told Rodney that morning, how he'd paled and tensed and looked so crushed. Sam had to swallow around the knot that was constricting her throat at the mental image of how Rodney had looked at her. "Oh, God," she muttered, helplessly hugging herself. Self-analysis was never fun, especially when coming to the conclusion that she'd been an utter jerk. "I have to make this right," she told herself. She had to find a way back to her own universe, had to apologize to Rodney, tell him that she'd been an asshole to him and that she was sorry.

To think that twenty-four hours ago Sam had thought that nothing could actually hurt Rodney McKay was kind of ironic. She had hurt him. Quite badly. Told him he wasn't loveable. Sam had told Rodney – in not so many words – that he should stop trying to find someone, that he was going to be alone all his life because he wasn't a good person. Briefly she wondered if what she'd said would put Rodney off from even trying to have a relationship. And it'd be all her fault. All because of a few thoughtless words.

Just like her alternate had done to this universe's McKay.

The parallel made Sam shudder. For this universe's Samantha Carter it was too late. She couldn't see all this, couldn't see the amazing changes in McKay, the pain, the hurt, the insecurities, the veneer of ego that hid someone who would go to the last for his people. Sam wished she could go back in time to tell this universe's version of herself to not be such an idiot, to apologize to McKay, to make it better.

But she couldn't. That Samantha Carter was dead, she couldn't change anything.

Determined, Sam stood. She could, however, make amends in that Carter's stead. Maybe that took away some of the old hurt, healed some of the scars that this McKay was so obviously still carrying around with him.

Sam opened the private channel General Sheppard had given her. "Carter to Sheppard," she said.

"Carter. What's up?" He sounded amused, but distracted, like she'd called at a bad time.

"Permission to speak to Doctor McKay, sir," she asked formally.

There was such a long silence that Sam thought maybe she'd lost contact, but then Sheppard asked, "Concerning what exactly, Carter? I told you that I don't want you upsetting him. I thought we were clear on that."

"Yes, sir, we are clear on that. I," she started, then swallowed and closed her eyes. "I want to try to heal old wounds, sir."

"Permission granted, Carter. Good luck." John's voice sounded rough, then the connection was closed.

Turning her radio off, Sam quickly walked to the closest transporter. She wanted to do this before she lost her nerve. It could be her dry run. Because one thing was sure, apologizing to this version of McKay would be easier than doing the same thing in her own universe.

At the lab, Sam hesitated, but then she opened the door and went inside. Rodney wasn't alone, of course he wasn't. He was loudly berating a young man. Not listening to it because she was busy rehearsing what she was going to say, Sam edged closer. When the young man had gone, Sam went forward. She cleared her throat and watched as Rodney turned around and stared at her with wide eyes.

"Please, I need to speak to you," Sam said before he could do anything, like tell her to go away or call John. "In private."

Rodney frowned, but nodded and got up. They walked to an empty lab down the hall and Sam watched as he sat down heavily in one of the chairs scattered around. "Talk," he ordered her.

"I wanted to apologize–" Sam started saying.

"Carter," Rodney interjected, but Sam held up a hand to silence him.

"Please, let me say this. I wanted to apologize, for what my alternate said to you. John … told me some of it, as you know. It wasn't true, what she said. None of it was. You never were the kind of man she … and I, if I'm absolutely honest, thought you were. I don't know why you were hiding behind the arrogance." She paused, unsure of how to go on. Sighing she sat down in a chair opposite of Rodney, a lab bench between them so he wouldn't get uncomfortable. "You're not a bad man. And you deserve to be loved. You don't do things half-way and anyone who is loved by you, is damned lucky."

Rodney blinked and stared at her. "You really mean that?" he asked and Sam wondered how she could ever have thought him to be egocentric. He put so much weight on other people's opinion. People he respected, of course, not the morons and sycophants who must have surrounded him on occasion.

"Yes, Rodney, I really mean that." And she did. She really did.

"Thank you," Rodney said and he looked like someone had just pulled out the floor from underneath him. "I … that means a lot to me, actually."

With a nod, Sam stood up. "I know." They looked at each other for a bit longer, then Sam pointed her chin at the door. "I should go," she told him gently and then left the lab. Walking down the corridor she thought that if her presence here had healed Rodney just a little, then the whole confusion, the displacement, everything had been worth it. And maybe she'd soon get a chance to do the same thing for her own Rodney.

Suddenly, she felt a wave of dizziness washing over her yet again and reached for the wall to steady her. "Damn it," she cursed viciously.

"Everything alright, Sam?" Rodney asked and he sounded odd. Formal. Distant. It made Sam's heart clench painfully.

The world swam into focus again and Sam was looking at Rodney McKay. Her Rodney McKay. "Yes, yes," she hastily assured him, "I'm fine. Just a little dizzy there for a moment." She was back home. In the very same spot she'd stood at where she'd been in when she'd been pulled into the other reality. A look at the calendar that hung on the wall showed her it even was the very same day. Hastily she hugged Rodney.

"Oh my God," Rodney screeched into her ear. "Who are you, what have you done to Colonel Carter? And get your hands off me!"

"It's alright, Rodney," she said and let go of him. "It's me."

He moved away from her until his workbench stopped him, his eyes wild and his hand half-way to his radio. "Colonel Carter doesn't go around hugging people randomly," he exclaimed.

Well, that had gone well. "I was just so glad to see you," she explained. "I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. For what I said to you earlier today. It was uncalled for and it wasn't true. You're a good man. And there's someone out there for you, all you have to do is look in the right place, I'm sure. I still don't think Jennifer is the right person for you, but that's mostly because you two just don't fit together. There's other people around, though. How about John? He's nice." That Rodney had seemed so happy. Suddenly she wanted that for her Rodney as well. "And he likes you."

Rodney's hand completed its way abruptly and tapped the radio to open a channel. "Security to lab 1, Colonel Carter is acting completely out of character, we may have an invader," he said before Sam could stop him, then closed the channel. "If you're really Samantha Carter you'll stay right here and you'll go with them without a fuss. You'll let Jennifer check you over and you're going to tell me what the fuck you're talking about." He was seriously agitated and there was a great deal of fear thrown in with that.

"I was just coming to tell you something earlier and then I was suddenly somewhere else. A parallel reality. Their timeline was years ahead of ours and they've had more than one visitor like me. I spent a day there," she said, seeing the disbelief on his face. "Look, I don't know what happened, I didn't touch anything, I didn't do anything, I just ended up there, I spent a day sitting around, thinking and then, after I was talking to your alternate self I ended up back here."

The door opened on the end of her little speech and Colonel Sheppard came inside with two of his men. Looked like she'd be spending a few hours in the infirmary after all.

It had been a long, long day. Rodney had kept sending her fearful looks, like she'd sprouted a second head. John had stood at the infirmary doors with his arms crossed as if daring her to try and get out. Two marines had been stationed outside. Sam decided their security protocols were rather good. Now, that she was finally in her own quarters with the re-assuring metallic color around her, she couldn't help but feel exhausted.

When the door-bell rang Sam was just on the way to take a shower, but she detoured. It was Rodney, pretty much the last person she'd expected to visit her. He didn't wait for her to say anything, just pushed past her and turned around to look at her with a determination she'd only connected to his pet projects before.

"What you said about John before, it's not true. He's not, you know? Interested in me, I mean. You're not going to use that figment of your imagination to send him away, are you?" he asked.

Taken aback by the contempt in his voice she closed the door and sat down on her couch heavily. "What?"

"You're not going to have him sent back to Earth for a court martial just because you think he's a homosexual," Rodney repeated, enunciating every word carefully like she was an idiot. Rodney had always been highly strung, but Sam had never seen him so tense. He looked ready for a fight.

Sam blinked. She hadn't even thought about that. "Why would I?"

Rodney crossed his arms in front of him. "Because of the uniform code," he hissed, "because of the US military's ridiculous policy of homophobia."

Finally understanding Sam jumped up. "No, of course not. I wouldn't do that."

"What was all that about then? We're a team. and friends. Practically family. But he's not gay and certainly not interested in me that way."

Oh, Sam thought and suddenly understood why Rodney had been pining for Jennifer so obviously. "You feel about him that way, though, don't you?" He opened his mouth to say something, but Sam was faster. "I'm not homophobic and I won't do anything to either of you. You should know me better than that." But maybe he didn't. She'd never really given him the opportunity to get to know her properly. "Look, I know this because in the alternate reality you and John were in a relationship."

"We were?" Rodney asked, surprised.

Sam nodded. "Yes, you were. Married, actually. For nearly twenty years."

"That doesn't mean anything," Rodney said, but he sounded unsure as he uncrossed his arms again. He also looked strangely vulnerable. "It's an alternative universe, can't tell how close to us they were."

"I think they were very close to us," Sam told him. She'd read some of their mission reports and had while the timeline wasn't a perfect match she was reasonably sure the separation point was the other Samantha Carter's death. "And I've seen John look at you." She watched as his openness vanished in a flash. Well, this was certainly not going well. At all.

"Oh really? So how does he look at me then? Funny how you're only seeing this now after coming back from a universe where John and I are married. You sure you're not imagining things?" He asked archly and now, that Sam actually bothered to look, she could see it. The mask he was hiding behind. She could see the uncertainty. And the vulnerability he tried to cover because he thought … she wasn't sure what exactly he thought she'd do if he showed it openly, but he was bracing himself to be hurt. And Sam couldn't even blame him for that, not after this morning.

"Trust me on this," she nearly begged him, "I just didn't know what I was seeing, before. Neither of you is very obvious. Now that I do? It couldn't be any clearer. And I'm not saying this because I saw the two of you happily married in another reality. Or because I'm feeling guilty for this morning. Or even because I want to hurt you. You love him," she said intently and saw hurt flash over his face, knowing she was right instantly. "You love him very much, in that reality and in this one as well. I think you and him, you've got a chance to be happy. Together. If you have the courage to try."

"I think Jennifer should take another look at you. Or better, the new psychiatrist. Because if you're not a pod-person–"

"I'm not," Sam interjected with a grin, "and I have the test results to prove it."

"–then you've gone insane with the strain of command," Rodney finished with flourish, but there was a hopeful look on his face. Like he wanted to believe what she was saying but couldn't quite yet.

She sighed and decided that maybe it was time she did give him the opportunity to get to know her a little better. "My love life hasn't been that great, either. Inside the SGC it was hard because of the chain of command and working together. Outside the SGC it was worse because I couldn't tell them what I'm doing. It's … not easy. Especially for us, isn't it?" She waited for a scathing remark about how she was no him, but he just looked at her thoughtfully. "Look, I'm just saying. John is reasonably intelligent, he's reasonably good looking and he obviously enjoys spending time with you. Why not take the chance. You know, don't hit him over the head with it, but maybe let him know that you're interested in men as well? If you're clever about it and he isn't interested he never needs to know."

Rodney snorted at the 'clever', but he certainly looked less unsure. Maybe he'd take her advice. They stared at each other for a few more heartbeats, then Rodney nodded and gave her a small smile. "Thanks. You know, for apologizing earlier," he suddenly said. And it sounded very much like it wasn't something he had a lot of experience with.

Sam's heart broke at that and she couldn't help herself, she had to go and give him another hug. "You're welcome," she muttered before he pushed her away.

"This," he waved between them, "the hugging? It has to stop. You're freaking me out." With that he went to the door and opened it.

"Rodney?" Sam called him back and he stopped and turned around to her. "Talk to him. Life's short enough and what we do is dangerous. He won't make the first step."

Rodney frowned, but didn't say anything. He just turned and left.

Smiling to herself Sam went to the bathroom to take her shower and get ready for bed. She'd like to think she made something right that day. That she'd healed some old wounds in the other universe and prevented some from festering in her own. All in all, it had been a good day in the Pegasus Galaxy.

The end.