Work Text:
Yet another day had passed. His life, he felt, was becoming a constant onward struggle; each new day was becoming more treacherous. As each hour passed, more slowly than the last, he felt even more alone and isolated. Taking a look around, he watched, as people continued with their day to day lives; everyone too busy worrying about their 9-5 jobs, then returning home thankful another day was over and dreading the next. The only reward being the weekend, spending it with family and friends.
Kaidan felt he could scream and no one would even turn to notice. The crew had been given time off the grieve those who had fallen; when the Normandy was taken down by a surprise attack from an unidentified ship. Kaidan felt himself go numb reliving those memories. It had been just over two months since the incident. His dreams and future happiness were crushed. Losing the woman he loved, and their unborn child had left him but a shell of his, former self.
He wondered from time to time, when he was alone, if she known what fate awaited her, would she have left with him or allowed him to stay and help, as certain death faced them head on... but instead like an idiot he followed orders.
Fighting back the tears, Kaidan searched his pockets for his keys. He's apartment was a small one bedroom, in a quiet district on the Citadel ward arm. He had fallen in love with the scenery, and the quiet. Inside was dark but the warmth of the place made it more welcoming. Hot air fought with the cold as he quickly closed the door behind himself. He let out a long sigh before locking up.
He had been waiting for the right moment to ask Shepard if she'd move in with him, their relationship was new but he was sure it could stand anything that was thrown their way. They had already gone through more than the average couple ever would but... they were far from average.
Walking further into the dark apartment; Kaidan placed his gun down on a nearby unit, housing a lamp and beside it a picture. The picture was of the crew after the news of Eden Prime, once, his commander had been made a Spectre. From left to right it included 'Tali, Wrex, Ashley, Anderson, Shepard, himself and Garrus' not the most photogenic bunch, regardless to their attempts, it was obvious it there were forced smiles stretched across their faces. Kaidan remembered his heart thumping through his chest.
Brushing his fingers gently over her image, Kaidan allowed himself some time to remember what he loved about her. Her scent, her gentle personality, how she would always find time to come and speak to, not only him, but all the entire crew. Making sure they were coping okay and allowing them to air their views. He remembered the want, the need to be near her, the butterflies invading his insides each time she spoke to him. Kaidan wrapped his arms tightly around himself. He knew he would suffer but the memories of her were more than worth it.
Looking through the notes on his latest assignment, Kaidan found it hard to concentrate. The pain was beginning to kick in, just as he knew it would. His whole body ached. His heart, feeling uncomfortably heavy; Kaidan found it hard to breathe, his chest feeling as though it was closing in on itself. Wrapping his arms once again around himself he tried taking slow and steady breaths.
Throwing his work to one side, Kaidan headed to the bathroom and began running a bath. He still ached but the steam filling the room helped him in breathing more comfortably. Staring into the mirror as it slowly clouded over, Kaidan noticed the dark bags forming under his eyes, his facial hair passing the stage of tame and stylish. Seeing his reflection came as a shock.
After testing the water, Kaidan quickly undressed throwing his clothes into the corner of the room. Climbing into the warm bath Kaidan allowed himself the pleasure of the heated water engulfing his weary body. He knew only too well that the pain would return if he allowed his mind to wonder. He knew it wouldn't be long till she returned to his thoughts. He reached over for his razor, he knew Shepard wouldn't have wanted him drifting into the stage, that she would have wanted him to continue living and making a change.