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The agonized scream at the back of the train car ended abruptly and then there was silence for a few seconds. Curtis looked up waiting for the follow up sound. His expression turning sour as the sound of a newborn baby squalling filled the back of the train.
“Mazel tov.” Edgar said sarcastically.
“Shut up Edgar.” Curtis muttered as he pulled his beanie off and rubbed his hair. He put the hat back and threw his legs up onto the bed, laying back and closing his eyes. He hated the sounds of birth and newborns giving their first cry. It reminded him too much of the horrors and pain he endured as well as put others through in the beginning.
Every time there was word of another pregnancy, he shook his head and wished people had more control of themselves rather than act like animals, rutting and fighting, crying and carrying on like savages. But it wasn’t the people that sickened him, it was the situation they forced to live through. He’d witnessed people die, having sex, giving birth, but the births disturbed him the most, they made him feel haunted. He wanted to have hope for the new lives in the train car but it was hard to do in such horrible conditions.
“It’s another boy.” Tanya walked by quickly, stopping to tell Curtis and Edgar.
“I don’t care, it’s just another mouth to feed.” Edgar griped.
“Shut up, Edgar.” Curtis grumbled.
“Boy, shut your mouth. That child didn’t ask for this life and neither did we.” Tanya gave Edgar a harsh look and moved on to the front of the train car to go find Timmy, her son, who was playing with some other children.
Too many new babies had been arriving lately and it haunted Curtis when he would see their large eyes looking at him as mothers walked by carrying them, or when his own woman, Sarah, would babysit at their bunk for various reasons.
“Man, if Sara ever gets pregnant what are you going to do?”
“Edgar, give it a rest.”
He felt the train rattle and shake as it lulled him to sleep. He woke up later with a slim feminine arm around his chest and a head in the crook of his arm. He moved closer to her as she cuddled in to his side, kissing his cheek.
“You okay? That was a long one.” She asked quietly, not wanting to wake the others.
“I’m fine.”
“It was rough, I thought we might lose Trisha and her baby for a while there.”
“Maybe it would have been better that way.” He immediately regretted the words knowing how Sarah would react.
She leaned up and looked down at Curtis with disdain. “Don’t say that. Don’t talk like that. You said yourself we need to ban together. We have to support each other so we can fight. That was a horrible thing to say.”
She turned over angrily and curled up in a ball to keep warm. He laid on his back for a second more before turning and reaching for her arm. He felt her shaking and knew she was crying into her pillow.
“I’m sorry, you’re right. It’s just hard to understand your happiness over that.”
“Over what, a new life? New possibilities? They could grow up and be the ones to end this nightmare if it goes on that long.” She turned over to her back and looked over at him.
“What if that was me. What I was the one squatting in a dirty corner, giving birth to our baby. If I had problems would you want me and the baby to die too?” Her eyes shone with tears and Curtis swallowed the lump in his throat.
“No.” He made sure they were extremely careful when they had sex. It was usually quick and quiet, and he always made sure to pull out and finish in one of their hands or Sarah would quickly move down and swallow his semen. He wanted to take every precaution that they never brought a child in this world or he lost Sarah in childbirth.
They laid quietly for a long time, before he leaned up on one arm to look down at her. “I’m sorry”, he said finally. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
She wiped her eyes and looked at the wall behind him, “I’m pregnant.” She said quickly, her voice shaky and almost a whisper.
Curtis’ eye widened in fear and his hand was on her belly immediately. “Why didn’t you say anything?” He whispered, his voice a frightened hiss.
“Because I’m scared. I’ve seen women die, babies die or else they’re sick from lack of food. I didn’t know what to say because I didn’t want you to be worried. We need you and you can’t afford to be thinking of me when there are so many others who need you.”
“Well I need you!” He said, his voice louder than he expected. He lowered it quickly when a few voices in the area murmured their complaints, “What would I do if something happens to you. What if you leave me alone with a baby?”
“Curtis.” Sara said quietly, “Let’s just hope everything is okay. That’s all we can do.
He started to speak and stopped suddenly, letting out a hopeless sigh as he fell back onto the dirty mattress.
He stared at the bottom of the top bunk, with a feeling of dread in his gut.
“Ok honey, it’s time to push now.”
“I can’t, I‘m so tired. Just let me rest.”
“You can do this, just a few pushes and it’ll be over and you can rest.”
Curtis sat outside the of Gilliam’s tent leaning against a bunk, listening to Sara and Tanya behind the curtain. Seven months after she told him she was pregnant, she had hurried back to their bunk, holding her belly, her skirt wet telling him to go get Tanya. From then on everything was a blur. Tanya had told him to wait outside and he was okay with that. He didn’t know if he could handle seeing Sarah in so much pain.
The hours had passed by slowly as he listened to Sara labor. Tanya, would come out with updates and then go back in. Edgar came and sat with him and then would leave, the sounds making him anxious. Gilliam came by once and patted Curtis on the back and gave him an understanding smile before heading off to the front of the car. A few other men nodded their sympathies to him as they passed by.
He sat gripping his beanie as Edgar came running back almost tripping on people in the way.
“Curtis, they’re coming. Mason and those bastards are coming back.” They heard Sarah give a long moan before crying out. Both men looked at the curtain.
“You gotta keep her quiet, Mate. They’re gonna hear.”
“You don’t think I know that?” Curtis snapped as he jumped up and peeked into the room. He looked over and saw Sarah, sitting and leaning on the wall hunched over and gripping the sheets on the floor next to her, her knuckles white. Her legs were jackknife and spread enough under a sheet for Tanya to examine her.
“Sara, honey, it’s time, you have to push right now.” Tanya looked up at Sara speaking calmly and then turned and looked at Curtis, worry in her eyes.
“They’re coming.” He said with concern, staring at Sara, feeling helpless.
“Curtis, I can’t do this. I’m so tired.” She panted as she leaned her head back on the wall, her sweat soaked hair plastered to her forehead.”
Tanya looked up and motioned for Curtis. “We need you. Right now.”
Curtis stood still for a moment taking it all in. He heard commotion in the front of the train and Edgar talking through the curtain.
“Curtis they’re coming. Keep quiet.”
“Curtis, now!” Tanya said impatiently. He rubbed his hair through his beanie and hurried to Sarah. He knelt next front of her and brushed her hair out of her face.
“I’m here. What can I do?”
“Curtis, I can’t anymore, you were right. This is a mistake, I can’t have a baby here like this.” Sara panted, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. She gripped her belly and tucked her head into her chest, giving a long guttural groan.
Tanya, moved some sheets and started to ease Sara up to a squatting position. Sara moved, too tired to fight her. “Curtis, move in front and hold her. Just talk to her.”
He nodded, his eyes wide with curiosity and fear as he squatted in front of Sara and held her around her waist. He felt her hard belly against his arm and then movement inside. It switched something on in him and he looked at her, his face inches from hers.
“Sarah, look at me. You can do this.”
“No.” She shook her head wildly, closing her eyes.
“Yes you can. Just lean on me. Listen to Tanya and lean on me, I’m not leaving you.”
Edgar’s head peeked in urgently and he frowned at the three, “You’re gonna have to shut up if you don’t want anyone to come back here.”
Sara whimpered and breathed hard. Tanya looked up at Edgar, her eyes hard. “Get out and stop scaring her and don’t come back again!” She hissed furiously before turning to Curtis, “She has to push right now, she’s been ready for a while. It has to be now.”
Curtis looked up and smiled at Sara, “Hear that? It’s almost over. Just a few more and it’ll be here.”
“I can’t, my baby can’t live like this.” She started to cry, her voice barely audible from exhaustion, “You were right, this isn’t a good life for a baby.”
Curtis’ jaw set as he listened to her words, he felt ashamed and angry at himself for how he had acted during her pregnancy. He was never mean to her or did anything to upset her, but his attitude was less than helpful and supportive at times. He loved her, but the fear took over. It made him almost cold until he heard her laboring in the small room, needing him.
“You can. I would never let anything happen to you both, you know that. I was wrong, this baby could make things better one day. He or she has you in him and you’re a fighter. You’ve put up with so much and worse from me, and I’m so sorry for that.” He stroked her hair out of her face and wiped tears away. “You have to focus and give a big push. You can do this.”
Sara looked at him, her eyes were slightly unfocused and she had dark circles from lack of sleep. Her expression changed as she leaned into him, resting her forehead on his shoulder and bearing down hard. She gasped and took a breath as she relaxed as the contraction stopped.
“Good, Sara, that’s it. Next time you have a contraction push like that again.” Tanya looked up from Sara to Curtis nodding her approval. Thank you, she mouthed.
Curtis held on and felt her belly harden again and he moved his forehead to hers, “Ok honey, push. Push hard.”
Sara cried out as she pushed again, harder this time, her body shaking from the effort. Tanya reached down and grabbed some towels next to her.
“You’re doing so good. One more time.”
“Burning!” Sara groaned painfully, shuddering.
Curtis looked up alarmed at Sara’s cry as Tanya looked back with a knowing smile, “It’s just the head coming, it means your baby is almost here.” Curtis saw her lean a little closer to Sara, leaning down, her arms reaching.
“What color hair do you think it has, Sara?” Tanya asked with a small laugh to distract her.
“I don’t know!” Sara moaned as she gave a large push. She let out a harsh cry and then relaxed suddenly, taking deep panting breaths.
“Head’s out.” Tanya looked at Curtis quickly. “Curtis, don’t let her push yet, just breath.”
Curtis nodded at her and looked at Sarah. She looked up at him trying to breath slowly and he looked back, his eyes full of love and admiration.
“You’re doing it. You’re amazing.” He said, holding her tighter.
“Yeah right.” Sara let out a short sarcastic laugh as she breathed, fighting the urge to push.
“Okay, push Sara, one more push and you’ll have your baby!” Tanya encouraged.
Sara took a deep breath and looked up at Curtis before she gave a final push, her eyes shutting tight and her face reddening for a moment before she let out a sudden loud grunt and slumped forward with a gasp of relief. Curtis heard an angry high pitched wail as the baby made its entrance known and stared past Sarah to Tanya.
“You did it, honey!” Tanya cheered as she worked fast to cut the cord and clean the newborn before laying it in a blanket.
“Ease her back now.” Tanya moved so Curtis could adjust Sara against the wall and make her comfortable. Sara watched Tanya handle the baby and looked up with a exhausted smile as Curtis kissed her temple.
“You did it. I knew you could do it.”
Tanya handed the baby to its mother and stood up. “I’ll give you all a minute and then come back to help finish.” She said smiling before her face changed to annoyance, “I want to have a talk with Edgar about his mouth.”
She left the little room and Curtis sat back next to Sara, admiring his baby solemnly, eyes wide with curiosity. He looked up at Sara and kissed her temple again, and she rested her head on his shoulder.
“So what did we have, daddy?” Sara looked up from the baby giving Curtis a weak but happy smile. He lifted the blanket a little, afraid of the baby getting cold, and a grin slowly grew on his face. He looked up at her, his eyes sparkling through tears.
“A son. We have a son.” He said gently as he stared down in amazement at the dark brown mop of wet hair and the angry little face. He reached down to brush the baby’s soft tiny fingers.
“Here, do you want to hold him?”
“No, you worked hard, sit and rest with him. I’ll get my chance.” The baby made a mewling sound and opened it eyes for a second, showing slate blue irises and making a face before grunting and snuggling into Sarah’s arm with a tiny sigh. To Curtis it looked like he gave a tiny half smile at him.
“He knows your voice.” Sara said softly, stroking the baby’s forehead with her finger.
Curtis stared down at his son and then looked up at her. “I’ll get us out of this train car. You both deserve better.”
Sara looked back at him. “We’ll have that one day. You’re a strong man and we’re behind you, we all need you, you’re the one who took a stand. We have to think about the future for this little guy.”
Curtis looked at her, his eyes wet with tears.
“I don’t know what I can do.”
“Fight.” She said, looking down at the baby for a moment and then back at Curtis.
“When they come back here and the others all sit down, you stand. You keep standing and show people that we don’t have to be afraid anymore.”
Curtis looked at Sara and then to the newborn sleeping peacefully. They did need him, and his family needed him. They all needed someone to stand for them.
He would stand up.