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touring in a band is all fun and games until you start missing people. then it's just brutal. calum doesn't learn that until she starts dating someone. missing family is one thing, missing your girlfriend who's at school while you're in europe is something completely different.
she's been in a band for 4 years. it started with friends from school; just her, michael, and ashton. then they met michael's fuck buddy (honestly, she can't label him any other way because michael refuses to call harry his boyfriend) and found a vocalist. his best friend became their second guitarist. and now they're here. 4 years later, calum is 22, and touring the world with her best friends.
she's the only girl, but it's not even that important. she's just one of the guys. it's not even an issue on the tour bus; she's pretty much seen it all at this point; especially after michael and harry started fooling around on the bus. she's definitely seen a lot more of her bandmates than she's ever wanted to.
~
she meets her for the first time not even a week before they're set to go on their spring tour across the country. a girl opens the door; someone calum's not seen before. maybe in pictures? she looks almost familiar, like calum might have seen her before.
"ashton said you probably forgot your keys and he was right." she says. calum still has no idea who she is.
"he knows me too well." calum smirks, shuffling past whoever she is and into her apartment.
she's cute, is the thing. all long blonde hair and big blue eyes and really tall. and calum is definitely into that.
"my cousin's staying for the weekend," ashton says, taking two cans of beer (ash is weird and prefers cans in the fridge and calum will never understand him) out of the fridge and tossing one in calum's general direction. she catches it because she always does, even with ashton's terrible, terrible aim. his still nameless cousin is laying out on their balcony in a bikini top and shorts and it's making it hard for calum to concentrate on anything right now.
"thanks for the heads up," calum smirks.
"i forgot until this morning and you weren't here so how was i supposed to tell you!" ashton shuts the fridge and comes out into the living room, sitting next to calum on the couch.
"it does't matter, just- can you tell me her name? because i've been home over an hour and i still don't know her name."
"luke." ashton says. it's a cute name, calum thinks, suits her.
"on a scale of one to broken drum kit, how pissed off would you be if i kissed her?" calum asks, avoiding ashton's eyes.
"she's my baby cousin, cal."
"she looks like a model, ash." calum mocks.
"somewhere in between broken stick and broken kit." ashton answers after a few beats of silence.
"okay, i'll remember that." calum says, and she's definitely thinking about it. as much as it would piss ashton off, she wants to get with luke. it's not the first time she's been with a girl, certainly not the first time she's wanted to be with a girl. she just never really goes through with anything because of the band and touring and never being able to fully commit because of how much she's never home. ashton's cousin, though. ashton's cousin is someone she'd very much like to keep. she'll kiss her by the time they both have to leave. it's friday. she has until sunday afternoon. she can do this.
she just needs to get to know luke first. talking might be a good first step. she pulls off the muscle tee she's wearing, leaving her in a sports bra and the american flag shorts she'd been wearing all day, before sliding open the door to the balcony and sitting cross legged next to luke.
"hi," luke smiles, pushing her sunglasses up into her hair. she sits up to face calum. she's closer to calum and now calum can see just how cute she really is. luke doesn't fully smile often, calum notices, but she presses her lips together and smiles that way. it's pouty and cute and calum wants to kiss her. her lip is pierced too, calum just notices.
"hey. figured i'd not completely ignore you like i did when i got home and come out here to talk to you. get to know you a bit, i guess." calum grins.
"o-oh. well, i'm ash's cousin. i think you probably figured that out."
"yeah, he told me." calum looks anywhere but luke. if she looks at luke she'll start to stare.
"i'm a junior at university in phoenix. moved from l.a. to phoenix for school when i was 18." luke says.
"how old are you now?"
"20. 21 in july. i'm a junior. i'll be finishing school in a little over a year."
"i've always wanted to go to college. the whole band thing got in the way of it all, but i think going to college would've been fun."
"what do you think you would've studied?" luke asks, scooting a little closer to calum. their knees are touching now.
"psychology, i think. maybe philosophy. i haven't thought much about it. what are you studying?"
"math." luke smiles, can see the way calum raises an eyebrow, "hey! don't you even think about calling me a nerd. i just like math!"
"who just likes math? ooh, math is fun!" calum jokes. luke giggles. she has a cute laugh.
"...okay, maybe i am a nerd." luke admits reluctantly.
"told you." calum sticks her tongue out.
"i minor in music, though. 's because of ashton. i grew up around him and his music and i always found it cool. learned guitar, learned a little drums from him, i'm learning piano and ukulele now. so i'm not 100% nerd. i'm a little cool." luke winks.
"what kind of music do you like?"
"blink 182 and nirvana are my favorite bands. green day too. oh! and sleeping with sirens. warped tour bands are my favorite. my love of music comes from ash mainly, so we like most of the same things." luke grins. cal can tell that talking about music makes her really happy. it's the first time she's really smiled fully, teeth and all.
"same," calum smiles, "i love all those bands a lot. i don't meet a lot of girls who are into the same music i am."
"oh, i also, um, i listen to your band a lot. like you're one of my favorites." luke admits, blushing a little.
calum laughs softly, "that's cute."
"seriously. not even because my cousin is the drummer. you just have good music. fun, good lyrics, all of that. if i'm not doing anything the night you guys come to arizona, i might have ashton sneak me in." luke smirks.
"you should do that. come to warped too. we're doing the full tour this year."
"really? that's sick. expect to see me there."
they sit in silence for a few minutes; luke looking at the view off the balcony, and calum looking at luke. it's comfortable, not how calum expects it to. she expects awkward stranger silence, but it's not like that at all.
luke smirks, reaches out and take's calum's snapback off her head, and places it on her own, blushing and biting her bottom lip.
calum smiles back at her, not bothering to say anything or to take her snapback back from luke. she looks cute. calum will just leave it.
~
saturday night finds them slightly buzzed on red wine, cuddling on a third floor apartment balcony in slightly chillier weather than a usual february night (which calum is actually thankful for, because her hair isn't a frizzball for once). they have blankets and pillows and are completely content on sleeping out there. falling asleep cuddling with luke wouldn't be so bad.
luke's into girls, calum's figured out that much. they played twenty questions last night (they may or may not have been doing tequila shots before that happened) and that slipped out.
"last boyfriend?"
"was a girl. i'm not really into guys."
so luke's into girls, now it's just a matter of calum figuring out if luke's into her. which, judging by the way she's got her hands up calum's hoodie, is very likely. still, calum can't ignore the nagging thought in the back of her mind that it might be the alcohol. she's definitely done some stupid things when she was drunk. there's no way to tell if the wine's making luke do this.
"i wanna kiss you," luke whispers, "i wanna kiss you but ash might kill me for kissing his best friend."
"i wanna kiss you too," calum says, "i wanna kiss you too but ash might kill my for kissing his baby cousin."
well, that wasn't expected. at least they're on the same page when it comes to ashton. if they kiss and ashton finds out, ash will probably kill them. if they kiss they're going to have to hide it from ashton.
luke giggles, soft and low enough that only calum can hear it right in her ear.
"i'm gonna kiss you now," calum pauses to take a sip of her wine, "and you're not going to tell your cousin, okay?"
luke nods and calum catches her lips in a kiss. it's soft, not as awkward as calum expects. their lips glide together and it's nothing heated until luke parts her lips, little moans escaping, and calum licks into her mouth. she tastes sweet like the wine. it's almost exactly what calum expects. luke's hands find a place on calum's hips, still under her hoodie, and her thumb rubs circles on the skin there.
"move over a little." luke whispers once they pull apart. cal does what she says, and luke slides over a little, just enough so she's sharing a pillow with calum. calum smiles and presses their foreheads together.
"are we really falling asleep on my balcony?"
"i think that's the plan. especially if you wanna kiss and stuff." luke says quietly, trailing off when she gets to the and stuff. "ash is inside. a-and even if you don't want to kiss again or anything, it's my last night in l.a. and you have a pretty view from your balcony and falling asleep to this is pretty damn cool."
"it is nice. nice to fall asleep next to someone too," calum says, "and for the record, i do wanna kiss."
the lights of the city help light up luke's face, show how she's blushing, visible even in the darkness. she lifts her head to meet calum's lips, and initiates the kiss this time. there's more passion, something left unsaid between the two of them.
calum doesn't want to push too much, doesn't know where boundaries lie. luke is shy, it's the first thing calum really noticed about her. she's shy and tends to get awkward when she's uncomfortable and the last thing calum wants to do is make her uncomfortable. she'll let luke set the pace, only go as far as luke wants to. she'd quite like to keep luke...
~
calum wakes up as the sun starts to rise. the only downside to sleeping outside: waking up when the sun does. it takes her a second to figure out where she is and what's she's doing there.
the balcony. too much wine. luke. kissing.
and then she remembers.
they hooked up.
at some point in their tipsy haze, they hooked up.
she remembers the kissing and luke's hands and not much else than that but she remembers that she liked it. that's enough to want it again, except luke is going back to phoenix sometime today and she's leaving for tour tomorrow and this couldn't have happened at a worse time.
calum nudges luke's shoulder lightly, "luke, the suns coming up, we should go inside. the couch or my bed or something."
"'s early." luke mumbles into calum's shoulder.
"bed, c'mon. it's getting too bright to sleep out here." calum stands up, waiting for luke to follow her. she does, eventually, and they quietly sneak into the house without waking ashton up. they both take their hoodies off before curling up under the covers of calum's bed together.
"i don't want to go back to phoenix." luke says quietly, half muffled by the pillow.
"why not?"
"because you're not in phoenix."
calum tries too hard not to think about it. "go back to sleep." she says.
~
calum can't go back to sleep, is the thing. she can't stop thinking about what happened with luke and how there could not be a worse time for her to legitimately fall for someone. she hasn't fallen for someone in a long time. of course it had to be now and of course luke has to live in phoenix and of course she has to be ashton's cousin, of fucking course. because the universe just hates calum, that's why.
it feels like she's been asleep for a minute when luke is poking her shoulder, telling her that it's almost ten and that she should get up.
"i wanna get breakfast with you before i have to go back to arizona. please?" luke pouts.
"it's early."
"on a normal day i've already been to class. it's not early, you're just lazy."
"there are not many people i willingly get out of bed for." calum sighs, swinging her legs over the side of the bed and standing up.
"i must be special, then." luke grins, coming up from behind calum and kissing her cheek.
calum giggles, shaking her head, and flips on the light to look for something to wear. luke leaves the room to change, and calum changes into basketball shorts (that are probably ashton's or harry's -- clothes float around in their band) and a muscle tee. she looks around the room for the snapback she'd been wearing the past few days and she can't find it anywhere. then luke walks in and she's wearing it.
"that's where my hat went, then." calum smirks.
"my hat now." luke mumbles, then says louder, "come on, lets go. i have to leave by 12:30. my flight's at 3."
calum doesn't question the hat thing. it's easier to just leave it. "i know a little diner we can go two. it's like ten minutes away walking."
they slip out while ashton's still asleep, leaving him a note they stuck to the tv, he'd definitely see it there.
when they're halfway there, roughly, calum feels a hand wrap around her hand. she looks down at her arm; luke's holding her hand. she looks up at luke, and luke's blushing. she's so cute, calum doesn't know what to do with herself. she gets bold, just for a second, and turns her head to kiss luke's cheek. she grins when she sees luke's cheeks get just a bit redder.
they get to the diner and calum swears they look like an Actual Couple, holding hands still across the table.
"give me your phone." luke says after they order their food. calum uses her free hand to take her phone out of her pocket and slides it across the table.
"you have a passcode."
"5707."
"i'm giving you my number." luke smiles, letting go of calum's hand for a minute to type into calum's phone. "and i'm texting myself so i have yours."
"sounds good."
"now that you have my number i expect you to be my texting buddy when i'm up late writing papers." luke laughs. her laugh is really cute.
"i need a texting buddy for lonely nights in a tour bus."
"bus life seems fun, though. from like, what i've seen and what ash tells me." luke says, taking a sip of her soda.
"it is fun. just lonely sometimes. lots of drunk nights when we don't sleep 'til nearly dawn, really lonely nights as fillers. it balances, i guess." calum says. she's been touring for 4 years now and she still can't seem to shake the loneliness on the bus sometimes. it doesn't have to do with the fact that she's a girl; she gets treated like one of the guys. it's more she doesn't have someone the way harry has michael and hell, even ashton and niall hook up sometimes.
and tomorrow she goes right back to that loneliness. part of her wants to sneak out of the window, down the fire escape, and drive all the way to phoenix overnight. she won't be lonely in phoenix because that's where luke is.
"you're zoning on me. earth to calum. what are you thinkin' about? let me into that brain of yours." luke snaps her fingers in front of calum's face.
"don't think you want to. it's kind of a mess up here." calum smiles.
they fall into conversation easily, eating and talking and laughing and still holding hands across the table. calum could get used to this. except she won't. she keeps reminding herself that she won't.
~
it feels like it ends quicker than it started. calum got home on friday not expecting a weekend guest, and now their weekend guest is leaving and calum would quite like keeping her, thank you very much.
she stands back while luke says goodbye to ashton but then luke's making grabby hands at her to come over there and say goodbye. luke pulls her into a tight hug and they just stand there.
"i'm gonna miss you." luke whispers.
"i'll miss you too, luke, you know i will. text me when you get home, okay?"
luke nods and kisses calum's cheek before she pulls back. calum blushes dark red, lifts her arm to try to cover it.
"i have to go now; bye cal, bye ash!" luke grins, their moment completely forgotten.
"so, you and my cousin?" ashton asks when they're walking back to his car.
"are just friends. only friends." calum says. she's - okay, lying to ashton isn't cool and on any normal day he wouldn't do it, but she'd rather ash not kill her the night before their spring tour.
"mhmm, sure, okay." ashton smirks, "she was wearing your snapback when she left, cal."
"how does a hat prove that me and your cousin are dating? i'm wearing your shorts right now, and am i dating you, i don't think i am."
"why are you always right, hood?" ashton shakes his head and calum blows a kiss in his direction.
~
the tour is off to an amazing start. calum's never been so excited to tour an album before; this one's her musical baby. she's incredibly proud of it and she's loving the reaction.
the loneliness kicks in a few dates in, when they're a quarter of the way through. they're still getting settled in the bus at the beginning, letting the wave of beginning of tour excitement wash over them.
luke texts her a lot, and it helps. it could be as simple as a text that says "hi :--)" and calum will smile for hours. it gets to the point that whenever calum's not playing a show, and whenever luke's not in class, they're always texting each other.
they finally get to phoenix and calum's been waiting the whole tour for this show. she finishes soundchecking and is walking through a hallway backstage when niall stops her.
"someone in the dressing room asking for you." he says, in between handfuls of chips; typical niall.
he passes by in the opposite direction she's going in, and calum stops for a second, pulls her phone out and turns it on front camera. she checks her makeup, makes sure her fringe is securely in her beanie and not flyaway and frizzy. okay, so maybe she's a little nervous to see luke again.
she opens the door to the dressing room and sees luke, leaning against the back wall, scrolling through her phone. she's wearing the snapback. calum thinks her breath catches in her throat. "h-hey," she smiles.
"cal!" luke grins, sprinting across the room and hugging calum tightly. "hi," she says once they've broken apart.
"hey." calum laughs (it's high pitched, way higher than her normal laugh. luke brings out giggles in her).
"we need to catch up. feels like forever."
"it's been like a month, luke. what's there to catch up on? you follow my twitter, don't you?" calum smirks.
"your twitter doesn't have everything. is bus life still lonely? these answers aren't on your twitter." luke sticks her tongue out at calum.
"you're ridiculous, luke. and no, it's less lonely now that i have a texting buddy."
it's almost as if every feeling that might've dissolved while calum was on tour came rushing back like a fucking train because she's got all these feelings for luke again, more than the last time, and oh my god she's so adorable and where the hell did all these feelings come from.
~
calum swears she's never had more fun playing a show than phoenix, because that was insane. there was just this energy about it. everyone was hyped. the crowd was into it. ashton broke 4 drumsticks. calum watched luke dance sidestage.
it's a show calum won't forget.
~
they go back to the bus after the show. it's parked somewhere for the night, and they have the day off in phoenix tomorrow, a saturday thankfully, so luke stays with them. she's good company even though they can't really do anything with ashton on the bus. tomorrow, luke promises calum, tomorrow we'll go shopping and then we can go back to my dorm. my roommate's home for the weekend. calum will hold her to that.
cal decides to skip out on the bunk for one night, staying in the back lounge with luke instead. it's equally as comfortable as the bunk, but still manages to be the most uncomfortable thing the the world. calum doesn't even know how that's possible.
it's big enough for both of them to lay next to each other, chest to chest, legs tangled under a few blankets.
"this is like when we slept on the balcony." luke says quietly.
"that was a good night." calum smirks.
"wanna do it again," luke kisses calum's neck, "tomorrow. my dorm."
"'m looking forward to that." calum mumbles against luke's skin.
"so am i. missed you."
"missed you too."
~
they fall asleep soon after that; luke being tired from school before meeting up at the show, and calum's rush from before finally crashing.
calum falls asleep thinking that she and luke never actually talked about anything. not in l.a., not today. they're going to have to tomorrow, because calum wants to be something. despite distance and everything the world might throw at them, calum wants to be with luke. and that's that.
~
"wake up, sleepyhead." luke whispers in calum's ear, "come on."
"shhhh," calum nudges luke's shoulder with her own.
"no need to be agressive." luke pouts. "i just wanna spend as much time with you as possible."
"you're still the only person i get up for." calum yawns, sitting up next to luke.
"come on, everyone else's left already. we'll get breakfast and shop."
calum goes through her duffel for something clean to wear and eventually settles on skinny jeans and a tank top. luke physically pulls her out of the bus and to her car, parked nearby.
"we're going to my favorite diner." she says.
"are diners our thing now?" calum smirks.
"i guess they are, yeah."
calum doesn't have a problem with that. not at all.
~
they get breakfast and shop until calum gets fed up because, yeah, she's a girl, but she loathes shopping. luke takes her back to her dorm room.
and they hook up.
it's- calum doesn't know of any other ways to put it. she hooked up with luke again and she still has no idea what to define their relationship as.
they're laying on the bed after, slightly breathless, luke curled around calum, chest to back. luke's pressing kisses to calum's back and shoulder blades and calum's stomach is doing backflips.
it's the only time she's going to have to talk to luke about this. now or never (or at least, now or the next time they hook up. which. who knows when that'll be).
"luke?" calum speaks up.
"yeah?" luke mumbles, lips still pressed somewhere on calum's neck.
"i- we need to talk about something. that's been on my mind for a pretty long time now." cal sits up, cross legged and leans her back against the wall.
"is everything okay?" luke questions, copying calum and sitting up.
"yeah, yeah, everything's great," calum smiles, reaches for luke's hand. "i'm leaving tonight and i just- fuck, i'm really nervous."
"is everything okay?" luke asks again.
"yeah! do you wanna go out with me? like, be my girlfriend?" calum thinks her throat physically closes after that. she's more nervous now than in front of any crowd she's ever played because luke could say no.
"you're adorable, cal. of course i want to." luke leans across their legs to kiss calum's lips softly. "why were you so nervous?"
"i thought maybe because i'm in a band and not around much and even when i am i'm in los angeles and you're here andthat you might not want to deal with that all."
"fuck it," luke says, "i'm gonna be with you. i don't care about distance."
"i'm the luckiest girl in the world." calum grins. "can we cuddle again? i want to cuddle until ash calls and tells me we're leaving."
that's what they do.
~
saying goodbye to luke isn't easy, but it has to be done eventually. with a kiss and a promise to see her soon, calum is back on the tour bus, back to that loneliness of not having someone (except she does. her someone just isn't with her right now).
ashton hasn't figured anything out yet, and it's not until after the tour that it comes crashing down.
calum was going to tell him eventually, when she was going to ask about luke traveling on warped tour with the band. she wasn't going to take no from an answer because she wants her someone on tour with her.
apparently, ash has known something was going on since the beginning.
"you two weren't exactly discreet." ashton explains, "and i was going through your phone because your password isn't exactly a secret and you had lyrics on there that i needed. you got a kissy face emoji text from her."
"fucker, you read my texts?!" cal snatches her phone off the table and immediately changes the password. 5853. ash shouldn't get that one.
"only a few?"
"dude, that's not right!"
"i can't believe my baby cousin is my best friend's girlfriend. what happens when you two break up? like, do i take sides?" ash asks. he doesn't seem that mad. better than calum expected.
"we're not going to break up, ashton. don't you worry," calum smirks, "hey, i wanted to run something by you. i've already asked mikey, niall, and harry and they all said yes."
"did they know you were dating luke?"
"um..." cal nods slightly, before continuing, "i want luke to come to warped. like the whole tour. on the bus with us. i just- i want my girlfriend to spend time with me."
"i guess i'd be a dick if i didn't say yes..."
"you would be. a major dick. i'd probably move out." calum scoffs.
"as long as you at least let me see luke from time to time. don't completely steal her away."
"i make no promises." calum grins and goes back into her room to call luke.
when she dials luke's number, it rings four times before luke picks up. she sounds a bit out of breath, "open your front door." calum raises an eyebrow and goes back into the hall and opens the door. "luke!" she lowers the phone from her ear, ends the call and pulls luke into her arms tightly. "it's been so long. i missed you."
"i haven't seen you since you asked me out. fuck, i'm so happy to see you." luke pulls back slightly, leaning in again to kiss calum, gently, just taking in the moment.
~
"i have some really good news." calum grins. they're sitting cross legged on the balcony like the first day, catching up, finally talking in person after a month and a half of being apart. she's just so happy to have luke again.
"and what might that be?"
"well, i talked to my band and they all thought it'd be cool if you came to warped tour."
"i am going, though? i have a ticket for phoenix." luke looks confused, her face is all scrunched up.
"the whole thing, lukey. you're coming on tour with us. living out of a bus. all of that. i talked to the boys and they all thought it was a good idea." calum explains.
"shit, cal, you're serious? the whole tour?"
calum nods, smiling. "the whole thing. i get you for a whole summer."
"you and me and a bunch of boys and the music. this is going to be amazing."
calum shifts so she's sitting on luke's lap and says, "i'm so excited to spend it all with you."
~
one month later they find themselves moving into a tour bus. it's bigger than their bus from the spring tour and calum can fit in a bunk with luke. its great. amazing, really. a bunk isn't ideal for most things, but if michael and harry can manage, then so can they.
it's a typical, hot, sweaty, warped summer and calum doesn't think she'll ever get enough of it. the energy of warped tour is different than anything else in the world. nothing compares to the feeling of playing warped tour.
the only feeling better than that? when calum looks sidestage during the set and sees luke watching her. that's the best feeling in the world.