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All Jim can think, sitting on that couch, is “Wow. This is as awkward as they say.” Bones obviously notices his awkwardness, because he smiles and grabs his knee. The audience ‘aaws’ and Jim remembers that there is indeed an audience actually listening to what he’s saying. Normally, audiences pay less attention to him and more attention to the person on the couch.
A vow is made to get rid of the couch on his own show.
Music plays, cueing the start of the interview.
“So, Kirk, how does it feel to be on the other side of all this for once?”
Jim grins his normal smile, not his TV host smile. Just a simple show of teeth not meant to kill or blind. Uncomfortable. Happy. Unexpected. “Honestly? It’s a bit terrifying. I am way more used to being where you are, Gary.”
Gary Mitchell laughs. “Wanna switch?”
“Yes please. Sorry, Bones. Guess you have to be with Mitchell here, now.” Jim fakes getting up and Bones pulls him back down. The audience goes crazy.
“You aren’t going anywhere. Stay in your seat, Gary.” Bones growls and smiles at the same time and it shouldn’t be as charming as it is...but he’s an actor so the rules don’t apply to him. “I believe we were in the middle of an interview?” He leans on the arm of the couch, other hand still on Jim’s arm. He slides it down from the elbow to lace their fingers together.
“Yes. Now, the two of you came out a week ago when Leonard mentioned you in his Golden Globe acceptance speech. This is your first real interview and I’d like to ask why you chose me, but I might not like that answer.”
“Oh, no. Gary, we chose you because you’re nice and I’ve hated you since college.” Jim grins and laughs at his own joke.”
Gary rolls his eyes and Bones lets out a stifled snort. “You two are losers and I regret ever meeting either of you two. I should’ve been a doctor, not an actor.”
“You two really are an unlikely couple. How did it all happen?”
-
The real first time they meet, Jim is covered in smoothie and Bones is laughing his ass off and trying to help him clean himself up.
“You dick. You totally owe me a new smoothie and also a towel. Good luck.” Jim takes off his sunglasses and eyes the bastard who ran fully into him and made him spill banana-berry-green-antioxidant-whatever smoothie all over his favorite yellow v-neck.
He can already feel the smoothie drying a little.
The dick just cackles even more and shakes his head. “Sorry, I have work. Can’t do that. I’ll make sure something gets sent to your office or whatever.” He sticks out his hand for a shake. “Leonard McCoy.”
Jim starts because how did he not recognize one of the biggest stars on the screen? He shakes his hand and manages to stutter out, “Jim Kirk.”
“Kid, I’m going to be on your show in three days. I know who you are. Funny stuff.”
Of course he forgot that Leonard fucking McCoy is his guest for Friday night. Jim nods, desperate to get out of this situation from hell, and gestures to his smoothie stained shirt. “I’ve-uh-gotta go. I have a meeting in half an hour and if I run and change now, I’ll only be really late.”
Leonard shakes his head and pulls off the hoodie he was wearing. He offers it to Jim. “Don’t be late. Just wear this. It’s not much more casual than the v-neck and it saves time.”
“Thanks. I’ll be sure to get it back to you as soon as possible.”
Jim leaves the encounter with a particular skip in his step and a hoodie that smells like cologne and hot actors. He doesn’t really think he’ll ever give it back.
-
Of course, that’s not what they tell the press. That’s a story for their children (if they ever decide they really want some) and other close family members.
As far as the world knows, Jim and Leonard meet on his show.
Jim sits in his big wheely chair behind his big shiny stupid desk and waits for the commercial break to end. The producers do the point-and-nod routine and he decides not to sit up. He’s still slouched when he announces, “And now, ladies and gentleman, it’s that lovely heartthrob, Leonard McCoy.”
The actor walks out with that swaggering gait that he’s so well known for and Jim nearly falls out of his chair in his scramble to stand up and greet him because damn. He looks even better than the day he dumped purple goop all over Jim. “Hi, thanks for being on the show.”
“Glad to be here.” Leonard winks and Jim tries to maintain his usual cool calm and funny facade.
The interview goes as planned, a little talk about his TV show being cancelled, (“It’s a damn shame. I had a lot of fun working with Nyota.”) idle chatter about his next movie. Eventually, though, they get to the part that Jim has been both dreading and looking forward to the whole time.
“So, Leonard. You’ve been linked with many many many people over the past year. Anything interesting caught your eye lately?” Jim smiles through the awkwardly personal question, begging every deity above that Leonard doesn’t suddenly have a significant other.
Leonard looks Jim right in the eye, and says, “Yeah, quite recent, actually.”
Jim’s entire world comes crashing down and he finds himself unable to respond in his usual way, a little bit of sarcasm and a lot of charm. Instead, he sits there and grits his teeth for a few seconds, “Well, that’s exciting. You’ll have to come back here and tell us how it goes!” He says, terribly robotic and awkward.
After the show, Jim approaches Leonard with a bag. “Here, I was planning on stealing it forever, but I figured you’d be pretty darn upset, Bones.”
Leonard looks at him curiously. “Okay, I’m lost. Bones?”
Jim shrugs. “You played a doctor in that one soap opera. I don’t really know.”
Leonard nods slowly. “So, the hoodie.” Jim stretches his hand out to give it back, but he gets waved off. “No, keep it. You can think of me whenever you’re cold or get smoothies dumped on you by strangers.I’ll call you.”
With another wink, (Jim never took him for a winker but here he is.) Leonard swaggers off and Jim wonders what happened to his previously miraculous game and style. He realizes something very wrong with the situation after Leonard is out of earshot.
“You don’t have my number.”
Fucking southern actors with comfortable sweatshirts.
-
“So, after you met on the show, it just happened?” Gary asks.
Jim sighs and rolls his eyes. “I wish. No, I had to deal with the fact that he said he would call me, and then didn’t.” He smacks Bones on the shoulder. “Honestly, I thought you were leading me on!”
“Would you rather I had just called? I was trying to be romantic!” Bones sighs and turns to Gary. “People always ask me why I seem so grumpy. This is why. Whenever I’m nice to someone, I have to deal with whining.”
Gary chuckles and leans forward. “So, you were trying to be romantic?”
-
A week and a half after Leo said he would call Jim, he’s given up. Obviously, the smooth motherfucker was just playing around. His doorbell rings and he sees a giant bouquet of sunflowers. He looks for a person, eventually finding a pair of legs.
A note attached says. “You are my sunshine...”
Delivery men are at Jim’s door all day and he starts to get frustrated not know who it is sending all the flowers.
Blue daisies come at around ten. “I haven’t stopped thinking about your eyes yet.”
Yellow chrysanthemums at lunch. “I only ever want you to smile for me.”
Pansies when he’s about to go shopping. “Your laugh is poetry.”
Red tulips after he gets back from the store. “I hope you think this is cute.”
Red roses are delivered and the first thing Jim notices is that the bouquet isn’t ridiculously large like the others. The second thing he notices is the man holding said roses.
“Leonard McCoy, you are far cheesier than anyone expects.” Jim beams at Leonard, who blushes in return.
“I’m normally not, but I felt like you needed a little bit more wooing.”
“With you? No. I don’t need any wooing.”
-
The entire audience melts into coos and aws. Jim wraps his arm around Bones’ shoulders. Bones tries to keep a scowl on his face, but can’t when Jim pokes him and giggles.
“Well, I think it’s official. You two are the most adorable couple ever.” Gary exclaims. “How long has it been?”
Jim has to think for a moment, but Bones answers immediately. “Two and a half years. We were really really great at keeping it a secret because we didn’t feel the need to show it off. It really was just something for us, nobody else. We were happy. It was a choice, though, to come out when we did. It was starting to be a bit of pressure because it had been so long and we couldn’t move in together, we couldn’t do anything because we didn’t want anyone to know yet.”
“Two and a half years? And neither of you have popped the question yet? This is Hollywood, people. Two and a half months before engagement is standard.” He gestures wildly at them. “Come on!”
Jim stands up off the couch and straightens his tie. He reaches into his pocket and shrugs. “Well, if you insist.” He kneels. The crowd goes absolutely insane. He opens the velvet box. “Leonard McCoy. Bones. Will you marry me?”
The audience goes miraculously quiet in wait for Bones’ answer. “Of course, you idiot. I just can’t believe you proposed on live tv. You are so cheesy.”
Jim winks and slips the ring on Bones’ finger, placing a matching band on his own. “Well, what can I say? I thought you required a little bit more wooing.”
Bones kisses him lightly and presses their foreheads together. Both of them are practically glowing with happiness. “With you? I require no wooing at all.”