Archive of Our Own ^beta

Nick’s never really watched American Idol. It’s hard with his schedule, and whenever he’s around a TV it gets commandeered by one of his brothers. Either Frankie needs to feed his Cartoon Network addiction (he doesn’t like watching Disney; it’s creepy, he says, seeing all his brothers’ friends onscreen like that), or Kevin insists on watching, like, The Notebook, and of course Joe gets all enthused too, which… lame. But this year they have a few weeks of downtime between the end of their headlining tour and their stint opening for Avril in Europe, and their mom is oddly charmed by this one kid on Idol – David something… Enchilada? – so she’s forever shooing Frankie away from the remote on the Tuesday and Wednesday nights they have free, making assorted cooing noises every time the kid appears.

David is allegedly seventeen, but from the quick glimpses Nick’s had, he looks younger than Nick does. He’s also apparently unable to speak in complete sentences, constantly trailing off on tangents while punctuating things like Nick’s kindergarten teacher used to do, heck-ing and dang-ing all over the place.

“You watching that David guy?” he asks his mom one night, wandering into the living room and balancing noncommittally on the edge of the couch. He’s at a loose end – his dad’s out picking up Frankie from a play date, and Kevin roped Joe into watching Titanic upstairs. As sad as it seems, Idol is looking like Nick’s best bet. He squints at the television. “Is that kid for real?”

His mother looks up. “His family’s Mormon,” she says by way of explanation.

Nick eyes the screen. David’s busy gosh-ing his way through the judges’ critique, and Randy keeps calling him dawg, which Nick’s pretty sure is a good sign even with his limited knowledge of the show. He always had this picture in his head of Mormons being kind of Aryan-looking, but David’s hair is dark and so are his sparkling eyes.

As Nick watches, David beams out at him nervously and a number appears at the bottom of the screen.

His mother turns to him. “Remember what number he is, Nicky. If you use your cell, we can vote twice!”

Nick rolls his eyes. “I haven’t even heard him sing yet.”

--

Turns out the Idol people show a clip of each contestant’s performance before the phone lines open – to refresh people’s memories, Nick supposes – and then you have to wait a whole day to get the results. Surprisingly, David’s actually really good. Like, to the point where it sort of gives Nick chills watching him stand in the middle of the stage in his little red T-shirt, belting out the lyrics to that song from Prince of Egypt. His voice is soft but powerful, and he closes his eyes a lot when he sings. He has really, really long lashes. Nick’s glad the next day when America puts him through.

--

Nick goes to the movies with his older brothers the following Tuesday, because Forgetting Sarah Marshall just came out and Joe has a weird obsession with Russell Brand. As the hapless Peter pines after Sarah while slowly, obliviously falling for Rachel (or maybe it’s the other way around – Nick hasn’t been paying that close attention), Nick lets his mind wander far from the screen.

At some point he realizes it’s Idol night and a small, insistent part of him wants to know what David sings this week. He briefly weighs up how crazy it’d be to duck out of the movie and call home to find out, but then Joe hisses at him in a British accent to “stop bloody fidgeting” so he crosses his arms over his chest and goes back to trying to focus on the movie.

--

Nick and his brothers may be home for a little while, but that doesn’t mean they’re off the hook in terms of press. They trade off doing phone interviews for radio shows and magazines (people usually want to talk to Joe the most, with Nick coming in a close second, and Kevin’s fine with that – that’s how he likes it). They don’t have conference-calling at home because their mom wants to keep the house as business-free as possible, so whenever an interviewer wants to talk to all three of them at once, Kevin dashes for the den while Nick grabs the cordless in the kitchen.

They field the usual questions about touring, the next album, and girlfriends, with some random inquiries mixed in. The random ones threw Nick for a loop when he and his brothers first got famous; for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out why anyone would want to know if he’d prefer a girl to wear Uggs or Converse on a first date. Then he got wise to the magazines’ practice of posting his answers alongside those of other teen stars, everyone’s heads cut out and pasted next to their words in a ghoulish homage to teenyboppery. The heads were usually mounted atop stick figure drawings or else left floating, disembodied. It kind of freaked him out.

Sometimes, for kicks, an interviewer will ask them something about pop culture, like who they want to win Rock of Love or which girl they’d choose on The Bachelor, and one of them (usually Kevin, because Nick answers the music questions and Joe doesn’t have the attention span) has to patiently explain that their schedules don’t permit them to watch much TV.

So when the girl from Pop Star asks what they think of this year’s Idol, Kevin is all set to launch into his spiel when Nick cuts him off and explains that although he’s only seen a couple of shows, he’s kinda rooting for that Archuleta kid. He can tell that’s a good answer (he sees why David would appeal to the Pop Star demographic) because the girl keeps them talking for a good minute and a half about it, asking which Jonas Brothers song each of them would want David to cover, and whether they’d be interested in collaborating in the future.

Nick’s in the middle of saying he’d be totally cool with David opening for them on tour when his cell vibrates with a text from Joe in the other room saying wtf, r u MOM?!?!?!

He chooses not to respond.

He does, however, make a semi-snarky comment to the interviewer about how they should probably wrap things up because Joe’s started fiddling with his phone and the outcome of that is never good, which of course opens the floodgates to a fresh barrage of questions about what kind of phones they have and the specifics of their service plans (Nick doesn’t understand why this matters). Fortunately, their dad gets on the line – he always listens in on the office extension – and says it’s been lovely but they have places to go and people to see, and the interview is mercifully cut short.

--

The next Tuesday, Joe wants to see Forgetting Sarah Marshall again, easily coercing Kevin into accompanying him with the promise of buying Mean Girls on DVD in the near future, but Nick elects to stay home. With his mother. To watch American Idol.

He worries about his mental health sometimes.

--

It’s Neil Diamond week and David sings Sweet Caroline, which has been a Jonas family favorite for like, ever. Joe’s been lobbying to do it on the Avril tour because it’s an easy one for the audience to sing along to and he likes to jump on the ba-ba-bas.

Joe can’t sing it as well as David, though. Nick feels sort of mean thinking that, but it really is the truth. He YouTubes the performance later so he can watch it again, and honestly kind of doubts whether Neil Diamond can sing it better. He votes ten times by texting and five by phone, telling himself he can stop at any time, he just doesn’t want to.

--

Nick has a thing for people named Elvis. It’s a well-known fact that he pretty much loves everything about Costello, but he’s in awe of Presley too, his talent and charisma – not to mention the impact he had on music. So when David does Love Me Tender the following week (and also kills Ben E. King’s Stand By Me – like, completely blows every other artist’s cover out of the water), it kinda gives Nick some feelings, okay? It just does.

--

After the guy with the dreadlocks goes home that Wednesday, Nick’s shocked to realize there are only three contestants left in the competition – the tiny girl, the bartender with the husky voice that may or may not make Nick’s throat go dry sometimes, and David Archuleta.

The week after, the remaining three do this, like, homecoming thing to their respective cities of residence. David goshes his way through Utah, musing aloud about where his legions of fans could have parked. He actually cries on camera at one point because everything’s so insane and overwhelming and awesome, and it’s around that time Nick becomes uncomfortably aware of a lump in his throat that won’t budge no matter how many times he swallows.

Nick doesn’t even remember what David sings that week because he’s busy working his jaw and worrying at his lips the whole rest of the show, trying to mentally talk himself down from this. Simon, the bitchy British judge, has said some pretty mean things to David over the weeks (okay, so maybe Nick looked up some of David’s earlier performances online, no big), and the near-constant mentions of the finale are making him nervous. He just… he really wants David to go through, is all. It’d suck to get this far only to be eliminated at the final hurdle.

--

Nick doesn’t consider himself to be a malicious human being, but when the tiny girl – Syesha? – is voted off the next night, he punches the air and lets out a whoop so loud Joe comes bounding down from Kevin’s room to see what the matter is.

Of course, he pokes his head into the living room while David’s onscreen, so it’s patently obvious which show Nick’s watching and why. Joe rolls his eyes and opens his mouth, and Nick raises a hand to silence him.

“Can I just remind you what you’re watching right now?”

Joe closes his mouth and appears to wilt slightly.

“Would it be, I don’t know, Terminator?” Nick parries. “Something with James Bond? Maybe a sports movie? Oh, wait: Romeo & Juliet, the DiCaprio version.”

Silence.

“Yeah. I thought so.” His lips curve into a smirk. There’s nothing he likes better than winning an argument (except maybe winning a board game or a free-throw competition, but arguments are definitely up there). “Anything else you’d like to say, Joseph?”

Joe looks at his mom for backup, but she’s sitting on the couch with her mouth pressed into the funny crease that means she’s trying not to smile.

“Guess not,” he mumbles, turning to flounce back upstairs, and Nick smiles to himself. It’s been a good night.

--

So David and the bartender - who is also named David - get to the final, and Nick might be kind of a nervous wreck about it. They each have to do like five million songs, then a duet, and then Ryan Seacrest talks for like ever, and there are about fifty commercial breaks on top of that. Of course, Seacrest has to draw it out until the last second with his “And the winner is, David…” thing, which makes Nick want to throw a heavy object at the television.

But then it’s like time speeds up because suddenly the David with the husky voice is crying and Nick’s vaguely aware of his mom rubbing his shoulder as he thinks about how all of this should be the other way around.

--

The David who came in second still gets signed, of course, because he’s amassed quite a legion of teenage fans (probably some of Nick’s), so Nick leaves for Europe fairly secure in the knowledge that he hasn’t heard the last of David Archuleta.

He knows that for a fact, actually, because all of David’s performances have been downloaded to his iPod.

--

So they go to Europe with Avril, then come home and start the Burning Up Tour in the middle of July. Avril’s opening for them this time, which they all find pretty funny – except Avril, maybe. Nick hasn’t asked.

David’s single Crush comes out at the beginning of August, and its title makes Nick remember his solo career from way back before the Jonas Brothers took off. Crazy Kinda Crush was never a big hit for him, but he’s sure David will have better luck. He grabs a minute to listen to the song before their show in Saratoga Springs, lying on his tour bus bunk with the curtain drawn. It’s poppy and sappy and instantly stuck in his head, but he doesn’t mind that much because David sings the hell out of it just like he does with everything else. The kid has a mean falsetto, and a voice like honey. The tension leaches out of Nick’s limbs as he listens.

Nick loves touring – they all do – but he’s really happy that after tonight they’re on a mini-break, of sorts. Three whole days without a show sounds amazing when they’ve done ten in the last two weeks. They have the Teen Choice Awards in the middle of it, which Nick’s been dreading ever since he heard the term “aerial stunt” being bandied about, but at this point he’ll take what he can get.

--

They fly out to California the next day and it’s a big rush to get to Universal City in time (L.A. traffic is never pleasant), but they make it and get dropped off in the green room, where they’re told to eat some cubed cheese off toothpicks and mingle. Johnny Depp and Keira Knightley will be arriving later, but for now it’s mostly teen stars Nick already knows, which he’s grateful for because he won’t have to work the room as much.

Joe and Vanessa start chatting almost immediately, so Nick ends up sitting stiffly near them as Kevin balances on a couch arm to talk to Zac, who is perched on the coffee table in front of them. (Why he and Kevin don’t find real seats like regular people, Nick really does not know, but it leaves an empty space for him to spread out into if he wants, so whatever.) Zac’s eyes are really blue and really piercing, especially when he’s giving you his full attention, and Nick finds it quite unnerving to be situated immediately to the left of his gaze.

Because of where he’s sitting, Nick can’t see anything when an excited susurrus begins to frisson through the room, starting at the door and radiating outwards through the loose mingle of people. That means only one thing – someone big has arrived, someone impressive, and Nick cranes his neck as unobtrusively as possible because it wouldn’t do for a Jonas Brother to be caught gawking.

But he forgets about all that when he sees the top of David Cook’s half-assed fauxhawk and weirdly disproportionate forehead. The guy’s funny-looking in an endearing kind of way, but he’s not who Nick’s focus is on right now because behind David Cook, almost a whole head shorter (but probably less when he’s not slouching), is David Archuleta.

--

David looks oddly different but undeniably himself, with his porcelain-pale skin and gentle, smiling eyes. He seems so out of his depth in this situation, sort of flinchy and nervous, and he hunches in on himself as he follows his friend around the room, haltingly making eye contact with the people David Cook shakes hands with.

Miley’s all over him, which Nick shouldn’t be surprised about, but David Cook clearly has no patience for her shenanigans because he draws his arm protectively around David’s shoulders and says something to her that Nick wishes he could hear. Miley backs off fast – Nick knows from experience that her bark is worse than her bite – but David leans in and whispers to his companion anyway before disentangling himself from the other man’s grasp and looking around the room.

He locks eyes with Nick for a second before Nick tears his gaze away and pretends to be exceedingly, insanely interested in whatever it is Zac’s yammering on about. The next thing he knows, someone’s plunking down next to him on the couch. He summons a sort of bared-teeth grin to make it clear that while he is not happy about this invasion of space, he’s Nick Jonas and he is a professional, dammit, but that all dissipates when he looks to his left and finds himself gazing into a pair of weirdly sparkly hazel eyes.

“Heeey,” comes this voice, super cheerful and friendly, but with a distinct nervousness laced on top of that. “I’m David Archuleta.”

--

They actually kind of end up chatting, after Nick gets over himself enough to shake David’s hand and command his brain not to focus on the way David says his last name all upbeat like it’s music.

David is… pretty much exactly like he was on the show, actually. He stutters sometimes and waves his hands around and speaks in italics a lot, but the planes of his face are different and Nick never knew his eyes were that freaky shade of greenish brown, all flecked with gold like a cat’s. He looks a lot better in person. That sounds like every cliché in the book, but it’s just… it’s the truth.

Nick doesn’t know when he became girlier than the movies Joe and Kevin buy off the Starz network when they’re left unattended, but he really needs to stop it.

--

It doesn’t occur to Nick to congratulate David on getting to the final until a good fifteen minutes into their conversation, and as soon as he thinks of it, the words tumble out even though he’s in the middle of saying something else entirely.

David pauses for a second and his eyebrows sort of knit together while he’s processing this development, but he beams and says thank you, followed by, “You watched the show?”

“Uh… occasionally,” Nick responds drily, and Kevin shoots him a significant look from behind David’s shoulder, which he pointedly ignores. “When I could find the time, you know. Our schedules are kinda packed.”

“Time after time…” David sings softly, thoughtfully, and it’s almost like he needs a second to process Nick’s words before he replies, “Oh my gosh, tell me about it!” His eyes get all wide like he so badly wants to emphasize what he’s saying that his tone of voice alone won’t do it, and Nick thinks in a detached way that his eyes are really pretty.

“Me and Cook have done, like… like twenty TV shows together since Idol, maybe – well, perhaps not twenty, but… a lot. And then,” (he spreads his hands out in front of him and Nick looks down at them, amused) “I have all these magazine people calling to ask me, like, what my favorite shampoo is.”

He looks so endearingly flummoxed by this turn of events that Nick almost bursts out laughing, but thankfully manages to control himself.

“They do that,” he says glibly instead. “We’re objects of fascination to them.” He lets that sink in for a second before following it up with, “You’ve hit the big time, kid.”

The corners of David’s lips twitch nervously like he doesn’t quite know if that’s a good thing or not, so Nick lightly punches him in the arm on reflex and then instantly regrets it. He forgot about David’s weird space thing, how he sort of recoils when someone impinges on his personal bubble, but David just looks at him quizzically for a moment before his mouth curves into a shy smile.

If Nick melts a little at that, he’ll never admit it.

--

While he’s talking to David, Nick actually forgets they’ve got a show to do, as silly as that sounds. Luckily, he remembers pretty quickly when David Cook ambles over with this buddy of his who came in with them, all tattooed and pierced and looking impossibly out of place. Cook and the other guy both get these smirks on their faces when Cook asks “Who’s your new friend?” and David quite incomprehensibly starts blushing.

Cook’s arrival definitely jolts Nick back to earth, though. This isn’t just about fraternizing with American Idols and watching Miley hit on anything that moves. He thinks about the awards that won’t present themselves, the dumb lines he and his brothers had to memorize (with strict instructions to make them sound as unrehearsed as possible, just like always), the very thin, less than sturdy-looking wires from which they will shortly be dangling down over the audience.

Suddenly, he’s not sure hitting the big time was a good thing after all.

--

The green room empties out pretty fast after they get the call to “bring in the stars.” This glorified usher-type person actually yells that at the front of the room, and David twitches at the noise before turning to Cook and asking under his breath, “Does she mean us?”

Cook looks about as charmed by the question as Nick is, but unlike Nick, he can reach out and ruffle David’s hair without it being much of an issue. David kind of scrunches his face and leans slightly backward, but it isn’t a serious attempt to get away and Nick can tell he’s pretty comfortable with it.

“Yeah, she means us, Arch,” Cook tells him, laughing, and David bites his lip and stands.

“So, um,” he says softly, turning in Nick’s direction. “You coming?”

Nick winces. “They’re keeping us back here until our first segment. The audience will freak out more if they haven’t seen us yet, I guess. But you guys get to walk in and sit in the front rows.”

“Gosh,” David murmurs softly. “You must have a lot of fans, huh? If they’re gonna go that... crazy.” He grins and hums a few bars of the song by Gnarls Barkley, and Nick just can’t believe he even exists.

“Yeah,” Nick chuckles, then offers, “It was good to meet you.”

“You too!” David responds enthusiastically, offering him this wide, sweet smile like Nick’s just said the nicest thing in the world. Cook’s friend - the guy with all the tattoos - quirks his eyebrow at Nick in a this kid can’t be real, right? kind of way, and Nick has to hold back his grin.

--

At the end of every awards show Nick’s ever been to, the mass exodus is horrifyingly intense. Part of him is glad that the chances of seeing David again are so slim because otherwise he might talk himself into doing something ridiculous like giving David his number. Of course, the rest of him is wishing he’d done that when he had the chance.

He ducks backstage in the interim between the celebrities leaving and the regular audience members being let out, checks his levels in the bathroom and then sighs and heads for the green room in the hope that the bowls of fruit from earlier will still be set out. He knew he was feeling out of whack. It was the dumb flying-over-the-audience stunt that did it; he’d been worrying about it all evening. He’s not so good with heights.

He isn’t expecting anyone to be around so he barges through the doorway just in time to see Miley take her hand off David’s thigh and look up from the couch with wide blue eyes.

“Uh…” he says intelligently.

“Hey, Nicky,” Miley purrs, getting up like nothing’s happened. She breezes past him in a cloud of perfume. “I was just leaving.”

As soon as she’s gone, Nick glances at David, who’s sitting on the couch looking horrified. Nick smiles but represses his laughter, which he seems to be doing a lot today where David’s concerned.

“Dude, did she like, put her moves on you or something? Was it really that bad?”

David blinks. “Um… I don’t… kind of?” He fingers a patch of denim on his thigh. “I just. I have this box.”

“Excuse me?”

“It’s like…” David stands up and draws a rough square in the air around his body, starting at his neck and going down past his waist. “There’s this, um… this area where I won’t touch fans or sign their bodies or anything. It’s, like. It’s respectful.”

“So Miley invaded your box?” Nick asks seriously, still trying very hard to keep a straight face.

“I mean, I’m sure she’s a nice girl and everything, but… yeah? I didn't, like, do anything, she just. Her hands.”

“...Huh,” Nick says slowly. “I… guess I’m sorry to hear that. Where’d your friends go anyway?”

David tilts his head. “You mean Cook?”

“Yeah, and that guy he was with. With the piercings?”

“Neal,” David offers, then, “I don’t actually know. They said they were going to the bathroom but they’ve kinda been gone a while.”

“Well, I was just in the… oh.” Nick trails off, suddenly realizing what the weird noises coming from a stall at the other end must have been. Everything stopped as soon as the door banged shut behind him, so he’d figured it’d carried from somewhere further down the hallway, but… oh. “I’m sure they’ll be back in a minute.”

He’s trying to keep his tone even, but it’s hard. David Cook. He’d never have guessed.

“Thanks,” David says half-heartedly, plopping dejectedly back onto the couch. “I sure hope so. We have to leave for the airport soon and everything.”

He looks so tired suddenly, and Nick wants to pat him on the back and ask if he wants a ride in their limo, but instead he slides his thumbs through the belt loops of his pants and asks, “You want me to hang out until they do?”

David looks up hopefully, but shakes his head. “No, you don’t have to, you can just go. I’ll be okay.”

“It’s fine.” Nick shrugs off the protestations with a wave of his hand and leans down to grab an apple from the table Zac was sitting on earlier. “I need to eat something, anyway. I just checked my levels and my sugar’s all messed up.”

David shifts over on the couch to give him room, and he sits down and takes a small bite.

“Um…” David begins timidly, and Nick glances at him. “Are you, um. Do you have diabetes?”

Nick leans back and hooks one of his feet around a leg of the table. “Yeah. I got diagnosed a couple years ago.”

“I’m sorry.” David looks sincerely remorseful about this, which is funny because he had no personal hand in Nick developing it whatsoever.

“No big. Hey…” Nick stretches his legs out in front of him and acts like he’s about to make the most casual suggestion known to man. “Next time you’re in L.A., we should hang out. You could give me your number, if you want.”

David stares at him with an imperceptible expression on his face, and Nick’s just about to ask if there’s something in his teeth when the other boy starts nodding slowly.

“Yeah,” David says, smiling. “Yeah, that’d be really great.”

--

Nick looks up the Idol tour dates on the way home only to find that David’s flying clear across the country to do a show in New York the next evening, which kind of makes him want to scream because he and his brothers were just there the day before. He fires off a text to that effect, dialing down the intensity about 200 percent, and David replies less than a minute later with Awww haha. So near and yet so far!

Nick shakes his head and slips his phone back into his pocket.

--

The two of them keep in contact sporadically after that. David’s not really a texting person, and of course they’re both on tour and pretty busy, but the other boy’s updates never fail to make Nick laugh. He chooses the most random stuff to share, from We did handstands in the parking lot in front of the fans today haha to Man, I really wish I had some blueberry pancakes. Nick usually lets him initiate, but on the last day of the Burning Up Tour, he’s so overcome by the energy of the crowd and the bittersweet knowledge of it being last time he does this for a while that he curls up in a hotel room armchair afterwards and texts David. He’s not even sure why he does it, but the response he gets (Oh my heck, that was today?! Call me in 10!!!) makes him smile even more than the fans had.

--

It’s September but Nick’s in Florida, so he can sit out on the balcony of the room in his pajamas. David’s in… Nick thinks Ohio, but he doesn’t seem like a sitting anywhere in his pajamas kind of guy, regardless of the weather. Nick folds one arm behind his head and uses his other hand to scroll to the only 801 area code in his address book. David picks up on the second ring.

“Heeeyyy, how you doin’?” David asks in a hushed, sympathetic tone, and Nick smiles at how seriously he’s taking this. It’s really good to hear his voice.

“I’m okay,” Nick says honestly. “It just feels weird, when you’ve been doing something for so long, to suddenly have it stop. We’ve basically been touring all year, so.”

There’s a sound on the other end of the line like David’s licking his lips nervously, followed by a sigh.

“I know I haven’t been touring nearly as long as you have, but… we only have six more shows left,” David says sadly. “The last one’s on the 13th, and that’s… that’s next Saturday, you know? So, like, in a week.”

“Man.” Nick exhales slowly, letting his breath out in one long whoosh. “How do you feel about it?”

David sighs. “It’s gonna be weird. It’s like… I went through this whole experience with these guys, you know? And now everyone’s just gonna go back home, and me and Cook have to start on album promotion and stuff so we won’t see each other every day anymore, and it’s just. It’s weird.”

Nick shakes his head before realizing David can’t see him, so he says “Man” again and then feels dumb. He can’t imagine having to say goodbye to the people he’s touring with. They’re all either family or such close friends they might as well be.

Before he really knows what he’s saying, he’s telling David, “If you need somebody to talk to next week…” before trailing off in horror because David’s obviously really close to his Idol friends, so why would he pass up confiding in them in person for some phone conversation with a Jonas Brother he met last month?

But David just laughs nervously and thanks him, which Nick is pretty sure must count for something.

--

David does end up calling, and Nick frowns at the thrill that runs up his spine when he sees the other boy’s name come up on his phone. David starts telling Nick all about Tulsa, how Cook got a standing ovation for like fifteen minutes or something ridiculous, and his voice gets husky with unshed tears. Nick doesn’t comment on it, just listens and makes little murmuring noises whenever there’s a pause in the flow of words. He softly plucks at his guitar until David’s talked himself out.

“This is really lame,” David says at last, sounding miserable.

Nick sighs. “If you were here, I’d do what Joe always does when I’m bummed.”

“What’s that?”

“He makes me play Guitar Hero.”

David sort of chuckles and sobs at the same time. “Cook says I’m really good at that,” he says wistfully. “We play it – I mean… used to play it a lot on the bus and I sort of, um. Beat him? Like a lot of times?”

“Yeah?” Nick asks, amused.

“Uh-huh. Although he can play the guitar for real, which I keep telling him is way more awesome. We both got the game for free after we did those, um. Ads.”

Oh, man, Nick forgot about those. If David Archuleta dancing on a table in his boxers wasn’t the funniest and most awkward thing in the world, he didn’t know what was.

“Did you see those?” David asks a tad embarrassedly, sounding like he wishes he’d never brought them up.

“Of course,” Nick assures him. He pauses, then continues, “…Cook got really into it, huh?”

David cracks up.

--

David’s album comes out on November 11th. Nick’s whole family goes to church that day because it’s Veterans’ Day, and on the way back, he makes his dad stop at WalMart so he can rush in and buy it. He pulls on a hoodie, which keeps him mostly incognito, and when the checkout girl widens her eyes at him, he presses his finger to his lips and gets her to double-bag the CD so the cover won’t show through.

Back in the car, Joe bugs him for five minutes straight until he produces a craftily purchased pack of Nerds and lets Joe and Frankie go at it while Kevin looks on. In the ensuing hullaballoo, he slips the bag into the pocket on the back of the driver’s seat and vows to sneak out later to get it. He does – under cover of darkness, feeling very Secret Ops – then listens to it in his bedroom.

--

It’s kind of ridiculous how much of a crush he has on David’s voice.

--

So David’s a good singer, technically speaking, but it’s the emotion he puts into his craft that makes the album so fantastic. Nick hits Don’t Let Go and fights the urge to put it on repeat, almost doesn’t breathe at all during A Little Too Not Over You, while Falling has tears pricking at his eyes. He’s never… just, this whole thing is crazy, how intense it is. And he doesn’t just mean the album.

--

Late the next night, Nick’s just sleepy enough not to be entirely in control of his thoughts as he lies in bed with Angels on repeat. It’s even better than the studio version from Idol. He’s basically been listening to the album for twenty-four hours straight at this point and he loves it just as much as when he heard it the first time. David’s going to go platinum before he has time to blink.

Without realizing what he’s doing, Nick gets to wondering, rather terrifyingly, how his parents would react if he was gay. He’s fairly certain his mom wouldn’t freak out or throw stuff or anything like that, she’d just do that weird quiet crying thing that means she’s really upset, and probably ask herself where she went wrong when she raised him. He thinks his father’s primary concern would be keeping it out of the newspapers.

So it’s lucky that Nick’s pretty sure he isn’t, really. Like, he’s almost positive. It’s not like this has a precedent or anything. He’s never… it’s just David Archuleta.

--

David’s in L.A. sporadically for meetings, and he and Nick meet up for coffee when they can. The former doesn’t actually drink coffee, but he’ll sit across the table with his juice or his chai, watching Nick sip at an espresso.

He’s really easy to talk to and that’s something Nick likes about him, along with the fact that he’s unfailingly polite, always attentive, and seems genuinely interested in whatever Nick has to say. David reminds Nick of a girl in that way. It’s something Selena does when they hang out, how Miley used to be when they were together. But David can talk your ear off, too – you just have to get him started.

It cracks Nick up when he rambles. He says in twenty words what anyone else could say in five, and has a habit of trailing off and deciding to approach his point from a different angle right in the middle of a sentence. Add that to the random bursts of singing he appears to have absolutely no control over and it makes for an interesting experience, but the more time they spend together, the more Nick begins to understand how David thinks. David often talks slowly and breaks up his sentences with musing pauses, but it’s not because he’s stupid; rather, his mind has leapt ahead ten paces and he needs a second to back up and deal with you.

Today, they’re chatting about David’s upcoming solo tour and Nick and his brothers’ plans for the upcoming year (“So you’re shooting a movie, a TV series, releasing an album and going on tour?” David asks, wide-eyed), and Nick brings up a rumor that’s been floating around the Disney studios.

“So, listen, I heard through the grapevine that you’re gonna be doing an episode of Hannah Montana.”

David blushes, despite the fact that there’s really nothing embarrassing about that at all. Being on Hannah is an awesome way to jumpstart a career, and Nick thinks the fact that David got asked is pretty cool.

“What, you know she has a crush on you and you didn’t wanna make me mad because we used to date?” Nick asks teasingly. “It’s cool if you’re friends. I wouldn’t even care if you were more than friends, to be honest.”

David blushes harder. “No, I… um. I.” He laughs nervously, and Nick rolls his eyes to show he’s just trying to push David’s buttons. “She’s … she’s not even really a, um. Friend. She just – Disney wanted me on the show because I kinda fit their image, I guess.”

Nick feels the corners of his mouth curve upwards into a smile, because, seriously? This kid. “Yeah,” he says wryly. “Maybe kinda.”

David misses the sarcasm completely and continues blithely, “They wanted to give me my own show, like a reality thing, right after I finished Idol, but I was like…” He shakes his head, eyes getting big. “Noooooo.”

Nick’s sort of incredulous and amused all at once, and the two reactions tussle briefly inside him before the former wins out.

“Why would you turn something like that down? You know how much money that brings in, right? Didn’t they go over the figures with you?”

“Oh…” David looks at his hands, fiddling with the black Invisible Children bracelet on his right wrist. “I don’t really… like, the money isn’t… I just want to, um. Sing.”

And yeah, okay, the music comes first and foremost for Nick too, but sometimes you’ve just gotta look at a contract, realize the figure on the page could buy you three fairly large houses and a small fleet of Jet Skis, and sign on the dotted line.

That’s how they got him to agree to JONAS, at any rate.

“Me too, but. It’s good to have that money to put aside, you know, for your family or your education or whatever.”

The words ring false in Nick’s ears. Their family has more money than they know what to do with, even after Bahamian vacations and “charitable contributions” and Kevin flying his girlfriend to like, every freaking show they play. As for education, Nick himself is practically done with high school (he’s trying to beat Demi to graduation, and they’re both nearly two years ahead of themselves), and he really would like to go to college but he’s just not sure how feasible that would be. Northwestern, maybe. That’d be nice.

“Oh, gosh, yeah,” says David, drawing him out of his thoughts, “but like, with the album and everything, and tour, and being interviewed on so many TV shows, I kind of, um. Don’t need any more money? Especially now that I’m gonna be touring with your friend Demi.”

It tickles Nick how David always refers to her as his friend. It’s like David has no fame radar at all, no inclination to quail over someone because they have a famous name, and that’s kind of refreshing. He opens his mouth to respond, but David rushes ahead.

“Not that I’m saying I’m like, rich, or anything, because most of it’s in my savings and I kind of don’t like to spend a lot on myself anyway, but I mean, my parents weren’t poor or anything in the first place, even though my mom wears cubic zirconia instead of diamonds.” He stops talking, frowns at himself, and then says weakly, “Whoops.”

Nick almost dies laughing.

--

The Hannah Montana episode airs in early May, while David’s on tour overseas and the Jonas family are at the L.A. house working on promo for the upcoming tour and album. Nick rather embarrassedly finds himself hunkering down in the living room that night, scrolling to find the Disney Channel while his brothers are out seeing yet another chick flick.

There are times he really does question his sanity.

The thing was, David had hummed the duet he did with Miley incessantly for like, months, during every phone call from the bus that carried him on his solo tour around America and every rare Skype session they managed to fit in when nobody was around to listen, so Nick sort of feels compelled to see him sing it on the big screen or whatever.

At any rate, that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.

--

In the time Nick’s known David, the other boy’s become a lot more assertive when dealing with pushy publicists or photographers angling for a great if slightly risqué or ridiculous shot, but the wardrobe manager for Hannah must have got the best of him. He’s wearing this peppermint green sleeveless hoodie over a dress shirt, with a green and white striped tie on top of that, and Nick’s not really sure what to make of it. It’s very… it’s very Disney.

He sings along to I Wanna Know You under his breath, hating that it’s catchy enough for him to consider texting Miley to ask if it’ll be on the next soundtrack, and when David hands Miley a rose, Nick laughs out loud at how awkward it is. He’s not sure if it was the cameras or Miley’s playful flirtation that threw David off, but either way, it’s pretty funny.

Nick pulls out his phone as soon as the episode’s over, pausing as he considers the long distance calling charge, but then he remembers what their world tour is projected to make and decides money isn’t really too much of a problem.

David picks up on the fourth ring with a rather suspicious “Hello?” and Nick puts on his fan voice, lisping about how totally awesome his tie looked on Hannah. There’s dead silence for a couple of seconds and then David says “Uhhh, hi, Nick…” in this tone that’s half unimpressed and half talking-to-a-crazy-person, and Nick laughs harder than he has in a while.

“How’s England?” he asks when he’s calmed down.

“Oh, it’s really cool!” David enthuses, and Nick smiles at the genuine excitement in his voice. “Everyone here says cheers instead of thank you, which is so neat, and I saw Big Ben, and I was on this British TV show a couple days ago with, like… sheep, who were kind of frisky at first but it all worked out okay in the end and that’s what matters, right? Oh, and I almost put body lotion in my hair the other day because the shampoo and the conditioner were two-in-one but I didn’t know that at first.” He takes a breath, then starts singing softly. “Twooo to one, static to the sound of you and I undone… Sorry. I like Jack’s Mannequin. Haha. How are you?”

Nick’s pretty glad David can’t see the grin on his face right now. David’s so funny when he gets going – like, unintentionally funny, which just adds to the level of amusement he provides. Nick has to clear his throat to stave off more laughter before he can reply.

“Busy. But at least we’re home right now. Things are gonna get pretty crazy with the tour next month and the album dropping and stuff, so we’re just lying low while we can, you know?”

“Yeah,” David says distractedly, then, “Gosh, I can’t believe it’s midnight here. I will never get used to this time difference. Sorry, what were you saying? …Sorry.”

Nick kind of adores the special brand of spacey David gets when he’s overtired. He also really likes that he and David are close enough for him to be familiar with this.

“Dude, go to bed.”

“I am in bed,” David tells him innocently. “I’m just not sleeping.”

Nick tries to ignore the frisson those words send shivering through his body. David’s older than him, but he seems way younger and so much more chaste, even though Nick’s the one with the purity ring. Thinking about him this way just seems wrong.

He clears his throat again, wrestling with his libido. When David asks if he has a cold, he says he’s fine kind of abruptly, and David says “Oh” in a voice like Nick kicked his puppy, and then Nick feels terrible.

“I can send you some audio files of songs from our new album tomorrow if you want,” he says awkwardly to fill the silence, hoping David will recognize the olive branch he’s offering.

There’s a brief pause.

“Wait… really?”

“Yeah, just don’t sell them on eBay or share them with any teenage girls,” Nick tells him drolly, and he can picture David shaking his head fervently as the light-heartedness of the statement goes right over his head.

“Gosh, no, I wouldn’t at all. Wow, I… thank you.”

And just like that the tension dissipates, Nick’s harsh tone forgotten. David sounds as if Nick just offered him a million dollars or something – like, it’s kind of ridiculous how much music obviously means to him. He’s so into it, lives and breathes it, and Nick would bet anything that David used to hear music in his head as a little kid just like Nick did, chords and hooks and snippets of lyrics he didn’t know how to express yet, just floating around like anyone could listen. His father still tells that story, the one with Nick at three years old asking why other people couldn’t hear the music too. What Nick loves about it is that his dad tells it exactly the same every time, ending on how the family knew Nick was set for stardom right then and there (Nick always rolls his eyes at that, but is secretly flattered). He starts relaying it to David, but doesn’t even get halfway before David’s snoring gently down the line.

Nick’s never had anyone fall asleep talking to him before. He isn’t offended or anything – he knows David’s dealing with jetlag and a fairly grueling schedule of promo and performances – but he’s kind of… he’s actually kind of embarrassed. It’s really intimate, is all, sitting in his room in Los Angeles and listening to the deep, even exhalations of someone half a world away.

He stays like that for several minutes, closing his eyes in the darkness, before he realizes he’s being vaguely creepy and hangs up.

--

David’s only touring in England for like two weeks before spending a few days in Asia and then flying home, but it’s weird how much it affects Nick to know he’s so far away. Nick’s used to his friends jetting off to all manner of places, communicating via texts and voicemails and the occasional phone call when schedules line up and Mercury isn't in retrograde, but with David, it’s hitting him harder. Ever since David adjusted to British time, they haven’t had the chance to exchange more than a couple of texts a day, and although that was enough when they were both on tour the previous summer, it isn’t anymore. Even Kevin notices the change in him, asking if something happened with Selena because oh, yeah, they’ve been hanging out recently so everyone assumes they must be dating.

“It’s not like that,” he huffs, expecting Kevin to cross his eyes at him or something, but his older brother just frowns and asks if he wants to come and watch Love Actually, which means he must really be worried.

Nick opens his mouth to decline but Kevin quirks an eyebrow like he knows something’s up but can’t tell what, and Nick starts to feel like maybe it’s not such a bad idea after all. He hates having too much time off, all the residual energy building inside him, and he misses David, and he’s just… he’s cranky.

“Okay,” he says finally, and Kevin’s eyebrows almost leap off his face.

--

The Philippines is fifteen hours ahead of California, which seems kind of ridiculous to Nick until he remembers that the International Date Line lies somewhere in the middle of the ocean that divides them. David’s doing a huge concert with Cook in Manila at like four in the morning Nick’s time, but Nick rolls out of bed at 3:30 anyway, reaching for his phone because he knows David’s nervous about playing in front of that many people.

David picks up with an “Oh my gosh, you didn’t have to call me!” and Nick says he knows but he wanted to. David gets weirdly quiet after that.

“Thanks,” he says finally, and he sounds, like, genuinely touched by it, which sort of makes Nick’s heart grow three sizes.

“I miss you,” Nick says, then bites his lip because he truly hadn’t meant to say that out loud, but David doesn’t miss a beat.

“And I miss you,” he says honestly, innocently, and Nick realizes the way he meant it went completely over David’s head. “Like the desert missed the raaain,” the other boy sings softly, snapping Nick out of his thoughts, and God, Nick’s so gone over him, he really is.

He can hear someone talking in the background, and then David says “Hold… hold on a second” all distractedly, followed by a muffled “Okay, Kendra, I’ll be right there,” and then a clearer “Haha, sorry, hey.”

“You have to go,” Nick says preemptively.

“Yeah,” David confirms, sounding apologetic, and then, “Gosh, I’m nervous,” which makes Nick laugh.

Nick can hear other noises in the background now, various people’s voices and this raucous laughter that he’s pretty sure belongs to David Cook. Suddenly, he misses touring so much he can’t breathe.

“Go get ‘em,” he manages around the lump in his throat.

“I wish you were here,” David replies, then says “Bye” really hurriedly and hangs up before Nick can process the words.

It takes him a while to fall back to sleep.

--

They don’t speak again until after David arrives back in the country. Nick’s kind of worried because he’s pretty sure he was a little too obvious during their last conversation, but the first he hears from David is a voicemail asking how far Del Mar is from Los Angeles, which kind of suggests otherwise. Nick texts back with a string of question marks, and his phone vibrates not thirty seconds later with I’m doing a show at a county fair there at the end of June. You should come hang out haha.

Nick checks his own tour schedule and they’re actually on a break around that time, a realization that makes his heart leap quite ridiculously in his chest. They have five days between their last U.K. show and the kickoff of the North American dates, and he has no idea what they’re doing in the interim but he’ll lobby to fly back to L.A. if he has to. It shouldn’t be too much of a problem. Del Mar’s like an hour and a half away and Nick bought this sick new car recently, so he figures he’ll go down and show it off.

And if David needs a ride back to the city afterwards, well, he’d be happy to provide one.

--

Nick hasn’t been to a county fair in like, ever. His shiny Mustang looks a tad out of place in the dirt parking lot and he winces to think about what’ll happen if the wind kicks up, but there’s really nothing he can do about it.

He puts his shades on and circumnavigates the fairground, trying to remain inconspicuous while looking for the makeshift stage where David will perform. There’s a gazebo behind it where he was told everyone would be gathering – David himself, the girls from iCarly whose show he apparently guest-starred on (Nick will have to YouTube that), and some of his family members too. Nick remembers doing summer shows like this, small and uncomplicated, before he and his brothers got big. He lowers his shades and says “Nick Jonas” to the guy in charge of security, watching his name get crossed off a list.

The first person Nick sees is Jennette, the only blonde in a sea of dark hair, and a memory stirs within him of David saying his mom is Honduran. He knows Jennette slightly, and she looks up and waves in recognition when she feels his eyes on her.

He’s about to go over and say hi when a short, slender lady about his mom’s age swoops over with her arms out.

“You must be Nicholas!” she exclaims, her lilting accent elongating the first vowel of his name. “I’m Lupe – I’m David’s mother.” She hugs him warmly, her flowery perfume tickling his nostrils.

Nick politely introduces himself and compliments her earrings. He’d figured David’s family would be like him – quiet, soft-spoken, not at all touchy-feely – but when two aunts and a rather starstruck gaggle of cousins approach to welcome and embrace him, he’s forced to drastically rethink his assumption.

David sidles over, seeming even more reserved against the backdrop of his effusive family members. He stops in front of Nick and says “Hey” a little awkwardly, standing there for a beat before leaning in to quickly hug him.

Maybe it’s just because Nick wasn’t expecting it, or maybe it’s ‘cause Nick’s, um… crush is stronger than he thought, but hugging David feels weird to him. David’s so small, first of all, almost a full head shorter than Nick is, and when Nick claps him on the back and squeezes, he can feel the musculature of David’s lithe frame.

David pulls back, smiling shyly from under his lashes, and Nick’s so grateful that Miranda and Jennette are coming over to divert his attention because he feels like he could stare at David all day. If there’s one thing he’s learnt about being in the business, it’s that nobody looks exactly like they do in pictures, and there’s always something extra and surprising that can’t be captured on film. For David, it’s the softness about him: the glow of his skin, the sparkle of his eyes when he smiles.

Nick gets the sinking feeling that he’s in deeper than he thought he was.

--

They watch David from the sidelines, and it’s a real blast for Nick to see him live. He’s such a retiring person offstage, but when he’s performing, he has more presence than Nick knows what to do with. Nick stands and smiles and bops his head to the music, hoping he doesn’t look as bowled over as he feels. David really gets into the songs, throwing his head back and clenching his fists at points of high emotion, and it’s a really hot day, so his cotton shirt clings to his body. His arms are surprisingly muscular – not bulging like Joe’s, but there’s a distinct definition there that suits his slight build. The same goes for his chest, and Nick doesn’t even realize he’s staring until Jennette comes up beside him and says “Wow, he is sooo hot.”

“I guess,” Nick agrees noncommittally, eyes flickering between her and the stage as he fights to keep his tone even.

She eyes him for a few seconds like she’s sizing him up or something, and he’s just starting to feel uncomfortable when she says contemplatively, “I think he likes me.”

Nick clenches his jaw and counts to five before responding. “Oh?”

“Uh-huh.” She nods smugly. “I gave him my number when he shot that episode with us, and now we text each other and stuff.” She leans closer to him, whispering conspiratorially, “He invited me and Miranda to come today, and I think he might ask me out.”

Nick shouldn’t feel as jealous as he does. Like, there is really no reason for the tight knot he suddenly feels in his stomach. God, it’s not as if he thought he was David’s only friend or anything, but somehow the fact that David’s been talking to Jennette all this time feels like a betrayal.

“Well, good luck,” he says stiffly, pointedly returning his focus to David, who is grabbing the hands of some girls in the crowd.

Jennette gets the message and stays quiet.

--

If Nick thought David’s family members were demonstrative with him, that’s nothing compared to the hugs and kisses they shower David with backstage. There’s a flurry of hair-ruffling and cooing, and David staggers out of the encounter with three sets of lip prints on his face. When they finally release him, the rosy hue of a blush is staining both his cheekbones, and he looks at Nick helplessly.

“I love your family,” Nick says honestly, and David laughs.

“I love them too, they’re just kind of, uh… enthusiastic sometimes.” He ducks his head, smiling. “Did you like the show?”

Nick grins. “I thought it was awesome. Hey, um.” He touches his own cheek. “I think your mom and your aunts, uh…”

David’s hand flies to his face. “Oh my gosh, I keep telling them to stop doing that!” he wails, scrubbing at his face with his index finger. “Is that better?”

He kind of half succeeded with the top print, but the rest has smudged into the other two, blurring them into a long stripe of red.

“Uh,” Nick begins tactfully, reaching out as easily as if it were Joe before remembering who he’s dealing with and beginning to pull his hand back.

David reaches up and grabs his wrist. “It’s okay,” he says quietly. “I don’t mind.”

Nick smiles weakly, and it occurs to him that maybe he should’ve had that granola bar he stashed in his glove compartment because suddenly his head is spinning and his skin feels hot. He really needs to check his levels.

“All right,” he murmurs, reaching up and pressing his thumb to David’s cheek. David’s skin is really soft – like, girl soft – and his breath stutters a little when Nick touches him. They stare at each other in silence as Nick rubs at the lipstick for what seems like forever.

“I think that’s good,” he says finally, clearing his throat to dispel the roughness in his voice.

David looks like he’s about to say something, but one of his little cousins appears out of nowhere and cannonballs into his side, wrapping her arms around him as she says something Nick doesn’t quite catch. David laughs and replies in Spanish, and the moment is broken.

--

It turns out David’s staying at a hotel in L.A. with his band before flying to Hartford early the next morning to rehearse with Demi. His local relatives all live too far away from the airport, and his mom’s flying straight back to Utah because David has even more siblings than Nick does and she doesn’t want to be away from them for too long. (Nick knows all of this because she tells him, at great length, and he nods politely whenever it feels appropriate.)

Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Jennette hovering, whispering to Miranda and looking like she’s waiting for the right moment to pull David aside. When he hears Miranda say movie theater, his hackles rise.

As soon as David breaks away from his Aunt Martha, Nick corners him. He can see Jennette glaring daggers in their direction, but pointedly turns his back on her as he tries not to feel too juvenile about asking David to sleep over. He fails spectacularly, but David doesn’t notice.

“Really?” David asks quietly, like the idea of Nick abruptly withdrawing the invitation is a very real possibility. Nick nods, reassuring him that LAX is pretty much a straight shot from the house once you get on the freeway, and he grins. “Well, sure!”

Nick feels something stir inside him, this overwhelming fondness coupled with an embarrassingly intense desire to ruffle David’s hair. Generally, he tries not to gloat, but when Jennette comes up and asks David to a movie only to get a sincerely apologetic rain check, he decides to make an exception.

--

It’s fun, hanging out in the privacy of his own home. Nick always picks the coffee houses they go to when David’s here for meetings, so he knows where’s cool with celebrities and where isn’t, but there’s nothing like having someone in your house, on your couch, giving you their full attention.

They talk about everything, from overzealous fans to their philosophies on love. David doesn’t think a lot of the latter, which kind of surprises Nick. He says he doesn’t get why people their age make someone else their everything, opening themselves up to the heartbreak that usually comes of teenage relationships.

“What if you’re both really mature, though?” Nick argues. “Or what if you’re one of those couples who start dating in high school and end up getting married?”

David furrows his brow. “I don’t know, I guess I just think there are more important things to focus on at this point in our lives, you know? Like school, or if you’re like us, your whole career.”

Nick can’t really argue with that. Sometimes he thinks he’d rather have followed the same path, just steered well clear of Miley and focused solely on his music. He kind of wishes the same for his brothers, although he doesn’t begrudge them their happiness. Just… he’s pretty sure Joe and Camilla are on the rocks, and when they inevitably break up during tour, Joe’s gonna be a mess. Meanwhile, Kevin’s thinking of proposing to Danielle, which is kind of cool but really scary, because Kevin is barely old enough to drink.

“Hey.” David taps his shoulder – just lightly – with a quizzical expression on his face. “Um, earth to Nick?”

Nick laughs. “Sorry. Just… I don’t know. I get what you’re trying to say but I can’t imagine never having the experiences I’ve had, you know? I think my writing would be way different, for a start.”

“Probably,” David says, and he looks kind of wistful for a second. “Well, I mean, I’ve liked people, I’ve just never, like. Seriously dated.”

Nick eyes him contemplatively.

“What?” David asks nervously, and he decides to just go for it.

“Is it true you’ve never kissed anyone?”

David blushes a deep shade of scarlet. “Um. Yeah. Yeah, it is.” He stares down at the couch’s upholstery, peeks up at Nick, and then looks down again. “I wish I’d never told anyone that. The magazines ask me about it all the time.”

Nick never thought he would actually do this, but the idea’s been niggling at him all night and now that David’s on the subject… He crosses his fingers behind his back, noticing that his palms are sweating, and tries his best to ignore the insistent pounding of his heart.

“Would you like to?”

--

“Um…”

The utterance dies on David’s lips as Nick leans in but stops just short, and they sit frozen for what’s probably only a couple of seconds but feels a hell of a lot longer. Nick can feel David’s quick exhalations against his skin, that’s how close they are, and the air around them is vibrating with a mixture of anticipation and fear.

David’s breathing shallowly, and when he meets Nick’s gaze, there’s apprehension in his eyes but also something else – something resembling tacit permission.

Nick takes a deep breath and presses his mouth to David’s.

David’s lips are dry and cool, and it takes a moment of stunned acclimation before he begins kissing back. David kisses like he does most things in life: slow and deliberate, and with intense focus. He’s quiet at first, but when Nick presses his tongue to the seam of David’s mouth, the other boy makes a sound at the back of his throat, then hesitates like he’s surprised by his own reaction.

Nick cups his hand against David’s cheek, stroking the corner of his jaw, and David slowly yields to him, breathlessly parting his lips so Nick can slip his tongue inside. David’s making small noises every couple of seconds now, like he didn’t expect kissing to feel this good. Very, very hesitantly, he lifts his hand from the couch cushion and brings it up to Nick’s back, pulling him forward – pulling him closer.

David’s kind of smushed against the arm of the couch now, Nick angled so he’s almost on top of him. David’s rubbing Nick’s back with these tiny, rhythmic motions that are thrown desperately off-kilter every time Nick kisses him deeper or does something new with his tongue.

Nick never meant it to get this far, not for either of them, and he’s actually kind of shocked that David didn’t freak out on him from the get-go. He’s trying really hard not to let the tightness in his pants get the best of him, but holding himself up above David like this is making his arms hurt, so he makes a snap decision to do something about it.

He kisses harder, capturing David’s bottom lip between his teeth, and effortlessly slides against him, pressing their bodies together. They grind in delicious harmony – David’s hard too, Nick can feel it – once, twice… and then David’s pawing at his shoulders, pushing him off frantically.

Nick blinks a couple of times and sits back on his haunches, awkwardly straddling David’s thighs. He takes a couple of deep breaths and tries his best to make himself settle down. His head feels heady with arousal and the pleasant, dreamy sensation that only comes from a really good kiss, so it takes him a second to realize what’s actually going on.

What’s going on is that David’s panicking. Like full-on, wide-eyed panic. His face is ashen, hands flailing all over the place (he’s actually wringing them at one point) and he keeps saying “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh” over and over again.

“David, are…” Nick’s voice is raspy with want as it catches in his throat. He swallows and continues, “Are you okay?”

David’s eyes snap up like he’d forgotten Nick was there.

“I have to… Get off me,” he snaps (snaps), and then he’s pushing Nick backwards with surprising force before jerking upright and jumping away from the couch like he’s been burned.

“David…?” Nick reaches out to touch his hand, placate him somehow, but David slaps it away and buttons the top of his shirt with shaking hands. “Look, we don’t have to do that again if you–”

“I have to go,” David says sharply, not looking Nick in the eyes as he shrugs on his hoodie and reaches into his pocket for his phone.

“But…” Nick sounds plaintive even to his own ears. “David, I drove you here, how are you going to –”

“I’ll handle it,” David tells him roughly, gaze flickering up momentarily before dropping to the screen of his phone. “Don’t follow me out.”

All Nick can do is sit numbly on the stupid couch as David hurries out of the room, his phone to his ear. Just before the door slams shut, he hears David say “Kendra?” in this small, scared voice that sounds like he’s about to cry.

--

Nick goes upstairs and watches from the window until David leaves, because whatever the hell just happened doesn’t mean he wants David to be standing out there in the dark, all alone. His view’s at an awkward angle and there’s a tree in the way, but he can see enough of David to tell that the other boy’s pretty messed up. He keeps wiping at his eyes and cheeks, pacing back and forth and checking his watch every couple of minutes.

Nick watches the upstairs security monitor numbly, buzzing in David’s ride when it comes. He doubts David even considered the house’s security measures, but Nick’s not about to stop him if he really wants to leave. A few seconds later, a car comes screeching up – all skittering gravel, very James Bond – and a slim, blonde woman jumps out and runs over to him, activating the light on one of the motion-based sensors at the side of the building. Nick thinks he recognizes her as a member of David’s band. He can see her face better than David’s; she seems to be trying to coax him into explaining what happened, but Nick guesses David must be too messed up to get any sense out of because after a moment, she just opens her arms and holds him.

Nick can see David’s shoulders heaving all the way from the second floor before the woman smoothes his hair and guides him gently to the car, making sure he gets in okay before walking around to the driver’s side. While she’s doing that, David looks out of the window. Even in the semi-darkness, his face looks puffy and red from crying, and Nick ducks to avoid being seen.

He doesn’t stand up again until he hears the screech of brakes in the driveway, and when he finally peers out, David and the car are both gone.

--

When Nick does something wrong, he can’t rest until he fixes it. It’s why he’s the best in the family at sports, plays the most instruments and sings and writes songs. When Nick Jonas tries, he gets results, which is why this whole David thing is so puzzling. He almost texts David the day after, then resolves to give him all the space he needs, then almost texts him again ten minutes later, then changes his mind and texts Selena. He’s kind of ridiculously worried, and he’s trying to keep it together as best he can in front of the family, but Joe keeps shooting him these sidelong glances that make it obvious he knows something’s up.

Joe’s behaving differently in other ways too, stepping up his comedic antics until they’re guaranteed to garner at least a wan smile, and making an extra effort to engage Nick in everything he’s doing. He even invites Nick to watch Bridget Jones with him and Kevin the night before they leave for Texas, which is gracious because that’s kind of their thing, and Nick declines but says he appreciates it.

--

What’s dumb is that even though it only happened once, the dearth of touching David – kissing David – lodges itself inside Nick as a deep ache, a cavernous hole where something lost had once resided. There are kinesthetic memories hardwired into his fingertips, his lips, and if he focuses on them for too long his stomach starts to flip.

He ends up watching the last three-quarters of Bridget Jones.

--

So they fly to Dallas and start their tour, and a day later, Demi kicks off hers. She’s friends with all the brothers, but she and Joe are especially close, and Nick’s constantly tempted to have Joe ask how David is but can never quite bring himself to open his mouth. He thinks maybe he’s better off not knowing.

Nick always throws himself into performing, but this time around, he steps it up to a new level. It’s a safe way to get his frustrations out, pouring everything into the music. He’s just glad no one can tell if his tears during A Little Bit Longer are actually about his diabetes. His dad pats him on the back every night and tells him to keep doing what he’s doing, but Joe and Kevin are concerned about him, Nick can tell. After several unsuccessful attempts at broaching the subject, Joe finally corners him in their hotel room in… Nick thinks Illinois. The states start to blur together after a while. He’s torn between wanting to tell Joe everything’s fine or just pour out the whole story, but the way Joe’s looking at him suggests the former isn’t really an option.

“It’s just, um.” He shrugs offhandedly, summoning the mock casualness that’s served him so well with difficult interviewers asking personal questions. “It’s nothing big.”

Joe nods slowly. “You lie like a cheap rug, Nicholas Jerry.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’re lying. To your own brother.” Joe clutches his heart dramatically and falls backwards onto one of the beds. “I am wounded.”

Nick sits down on the other bed and rolls his eyes, used to Joe’s shenanigans. “Okay, for real, it’s… it’s not nothing, but it’ll work out.”

Joe hangs off the side of the bed and eyes Nick upside-down, which is rather disconcerting. “Is it girl trouble, Nicky? Because I am wise in the ways of the ladies.” He winks, and Nick snorts.

“No, it’s not girl trouble. Well. Kind of. Not really.”

“Is it boy trouble?” Joe asks, not seriously, and Nick only breaks eye contact for a second but that’s long enough. There’s a short, shocked silence and then Joe’s pulling himself upright, looking incredulous. “…Oh my God.”

Nick gets the irrational impulse to go on the defensive, but he bites his lip and stays silent.

“Wait, really? Who is it?”

“Look, it wasn’t anything, okay, nothing even really happened.” Joe looks unconvinced so he continues, “It’s not like it was something that was ever gonna go anywhere, you know, because it couldn’t. And neither of us ever really took the time to think about it because if we had we would’ve realized it’s –”

“David Archuleta,” Joe interrupts matter-of-factly. “It’s totally David Archuleta.”

Nick debates who to choose out of the fifty-odd guys he’d rather say it is than David Archuleta, but Joe’s expression shows he already knows he’s right. Nick puts his head in his hands.

“Damn it.”

He can’t deal with the way Joe’s looking at him, half stunned and half hurt, with a drop of disbelief mixed in like he’s waiting for the punchline.

Neither of them speaks for about ten seconds – definitely the longest ten seconds of Nick’s life – until finally Joe says his name in as serious a voice as Nick’s ever heard him use. Nick peeks through his hands.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

And, God, Nick really doesn’t want to deal with this right now. It’s bad enough he and David aren’t talking, and now Joe expects him to spill the whole sorry story of something so personal he didn’t even want his brothers to know about it.

When he doesn’t answer, Joe takes a deep breath and says quietly, “I didn’t even know you were gay.”

“I’m not gay,” Nick explodes, and Joe looks so startled that he instantly feels bad for yelling. He reins himself in, mentally chastising himself. “I’m sorry, Joe, it’s just. I’m not, okay?”

“Okay…” Joe echoes slowly, sounding lost. “Then what was…” He stops, then asks tentatively, “Is?”

Nick laughs hollowly. “I don’t know. Was, I guess. I don’t know. It was just him, Joe, okay. I don’t like guys. It’s just… him.”

“He’s special?”

“Yeah.” Nick lets out a long, measured breath. “Yeah, he is.”

Joe still looks completely confused, and Nick supposes he can’t blame him. It’s hard to explain something to someone when you don’t have all the answers yourself.

“So, um,” Joe continues cautiously. “What happened?”

Nick runs his fingers through his hair and exhales, staring back down at the floor. “It was stupid. We were never even together, we just talked a lot and then we kissed and he freaked out.” He waits for his brother to say something, and when Joe doesn’t, he looks up. “What?”

Joe has a weird look on his face. “You kissed?”

“Yeah,” he replies, and his voice has an edge to it. “You got a problem with that?”

Joe’s eyes widen. “God, Nick, of course not. Come on, I’m your brother, I just. I don’t know how to deal with this, you know? You’ve gotta give me some time to process it all.”

“…Okay,” Nick says guardedly. “Just. Don’t tell Mom and Dad, yeah?”

It’s not like either of them really thought Joe would, but he promises not to anyway, reaching out across the gap between the beds. “You wanna shake on it?”

They haven’t done this since Nick was about nine and their mother hammered out a treaty over Valentine’s candy, but Nick takes Joe’s hand anyway, grasping it firmly. He feels a bit better after that.

--

Ever since the really awkward web chat during which Joe said Twatter live to thousands of fans across the world and Nick and Kevin laughed so hard they had to duck away from the camera, the brothers have taken a perverse pleasure in tuning in to their Disney contemporaries’ web chats, watching for embarrassing moments that could upstage their own. As of yet, they’re still waiting, but somewhere around the middle of July, Joe announces that he has high hopes for the Demi chat scheduled later that day.

It doesn’t occur to either of them that Demi might ask David to join her until she beckons him into the frame, at which point Nick suddenly feels like he wants to throw up.

--

David burbles rather charmingly about Pokémon and this other Japanese thing called Totoro that Nick hasn’t heard of, and he bursts into song a lot and Demi calls him Mack Daddy because all the girls in the chat are going crazy over him. Demi tries to crack jokes, things Joe and Nick would find hilarious, but they sail right over David’s head as he rambles on to a new topic.

God, he’s just. He’s so precious. Nick wants to wrap him up and shield him from all the bad things that happen in the world, protect his upbeat innocence from ever being tainted. He wonders how David’s managed to stay that way in this business – in this day and age, even. He wonders how he let himself chip a part of that away.

Onscreen, David starts singing the whoa-oh-oh part of Single Ladies, and Nick kind of wants to cry.

--

The chat takes place the night the brothers have to travel to Boston for the next show, so everyone’s bummed at having to leave their friends and family behind in Jersey. Nick supposes he should be grateful for that, as it makes his already deflated mood less noticeable. They’re taking the bus this time because Boston’s only like four hours north, and Joe and Kevin curl up on the couch in the living area to watch A Walk to Remember together. They only crack that one out when they’re feeling really maudlin, which means Nick should probably go sit with them and pretend not to notice when Joe starts sniffling (Kevin cries at the drop of a hat, and as a result is mostly ignored for it) but he just really can’t be around people right now. He goes to the back of the bus, lies on his bunk fully clothed, and stares up at the ceiling.

“You should probably text him,” comes a voice from outside his privacy curtain, and Nick jumps sky high.

Joe pushes the curtain aside with an easy familiarity, and Nick glares at him as he tries to calm his racing heart.

“Could you warn me next time?”

“Yeah, definitely,” Joe says flippantly, raising a fist and pretending to rap on the fabric. “I’ll make sure to knock.”

Nick huffs and rolls over, facing away from his brother. Joe means well, but.

“I really wanna be by myself right now, okay? Go watch your movie.”

“Nicky…” Joe sighs, then pokes him in the back. Nick squirms. “Why don’t you just text him or something? He’ll reply if he wants to and if he doesn’t, he won’t.”

Nick scowls at the wall. “He’s not going to.”

“What, want to reply? How do you know?”

He rolls his eyes. “Because if he did, he would’ve made the first move.”

Joe’s quiet for a few seconds, so Nick turns his head. To his surprise, Joe is smirking.

“Exactly what about this is funny to you?” Nick demands, and he’s just… he’s in a really bad mood, okay, he just wants to be left alone.

Joe leans forward and swings his legs up onto the bunk, pressing his body against Nick’s back. “You’re such a girl,” he whispers next to Nick’s ear, close enough for Nick to feel his brother’s breath on his cheek.

“Get off me,” Nick grumbles, elbowing Joe in the ribs, but his heart’s not in it and Joe can tell.

Joe curls around him for a few minutes, letting him lie silently, which he appreciates. Kevin thinks it’s weird they still do this (although he’s a complete hypocrite because he totally cries into Joe’s shoulder every time they watch practically any movie ever), but it’s innocent, a throwback from a childhood before tour buses and private jets and a plethora of hotel rooms that all look the same. When Nick and Joe were just Nick and Joe and one of them had a bad day, they’d huddle together in their little bedroom in Wyckoff and let the quiet put things back where they were supposed to be.

“I think maybe he thinks he upset you,” Joe murmurs after a while, and Nick shifts his weight with a sigh. “He seems like a nice kid, Nick. I’m sure he didn’t stop talking to you to punish you. I bet he thinks you’re mad he stormed off like that.”

“He only did it because I scared him.”

“I think he scared himself.”

Nick growls a little, frustrated. “Yeah, but I put him into that situation. It’s still me he has feelings for. I’d be really mad at me if I were him, just for messing everything up.”

“Then apologize,” Joe says simply.

Nick has nothing to say to that.

--

Nick wrestles with what he wants to do about this for like, ever. His head is a whirlwind, and he pulls out his phone and stares at the screen, lying in the darkness until long after Joe has gone back to his movie.

He’s not sure how he wants to word it, going back and forth over whether to address the actual issue or stay away from specifics. In the end, he taps out a simple I’m sorry on the keypad, closes his eyes, and presses Send.

--

He’s not sure what he’s expecting in return – maybe nothing at all – but it certainly isn’t a prompt Me too. Thanks, haha. Nick pinches the bridge of his nose and starts typing a reply, then figures this is really more of a phone conversation. David picks up on the first ring.

“Hey,” Nick says cautiously, a question mark in his voice. As much as he’s been going over this in his head the past few weeks, suddenly he has no idea where to begin.

“Um…” David starts, then trails off, then continues, “So how is your tour going?”

“Good,” Nick says numbly, and David kind of laughs like he doesn’t believe him. Stupid David, with his lame habit of laughing when he’s nervous. God, Nick likes him so much. “How’s yours?”

David doesn’t answer immediately, and Nick’s wondering if he should say something else or just wait, but then David breaks the silence.

“I really missed you,” he admits, tone hushed like he’s telling a secret.

Nick’s throat goes dry as something twinges inside him, a persistent memory.

“I missed you too.”

--

So it turns out David’s, like, extremely Mormon. Nick doesn’t know a lot about the religion, but what he’s heard in the past sounds pretty intense: no alcohol or tobacco – okay, that’s something Nick can get behind – but no caffeine either, and they don’t believe in wearing the cross as a sign of their faith, which Nick thinks is weird. As far as he can gather from David, doing anything with another guy is intensely frowned upon – not that Nick’s own denomination is exactly accepting of that kind of stuff, but David sounds really scared about it.

“But like, the priest or whoever would just have you do a bunch of Mormon Hail Marys as penance or something, right?” Nick asks. “And promise never to do it again?”

David laughs, but it’s abrupt and sad, the furthest from his usual bubbly giggle that Nick could ever imagine. “No, Nick. I wouldn’t be able to take the sacrament for a while or use the priesthood, which means everyone would know I’d done something wrong, and I’d have to have like a bunch of meetings with the bishop about choosing the right –”

Nick holds up his hand even though David can’t see it, because David’s voice is getting high and panicky. “I get it,” he says somberly. “It’s serious.”

--

Nick will admit there are a few seconds he wants to take the stupid Book of Mormon and crack it over Joseph stupid Smith’s stupid head for making David feel so awful about this, but he doesn’t think David would appreciate that sentiment, so he tries to push the feelings out of his mind and focus on what the other boy is saying.

“So, like. It’s not that, um. I didn’t…” David sighs like he’s frustrated with himself, then pours out the words in a big rush: “likewhatwedid, but. I just – it’s not… it’s really bad for me to do it.”

Nick bites his lip. “Yeah,” he murmurs. He can’t be mad at David. He gets it. There were moments with Miley when he’d considered throwing it all away, letting himself kiss below her neck, lay his hands all over her body, but his sense of responsibility to God had always weighed too heavy in the form of a band of silver on his finger. He’s glad for that now.

“But, um,” David continues, voice shaking slightly. “It made me realize you weren’t the first guy I’ve wanted to do that with.”

“…What do you mean?” Nick asks cautiously, because he really wasn’t expecting David to say that, then the realization hits him like a ton of bricks. “Do you think you might be…?”

“Yeah,” David whispers miserably.

Nick puts his head in his hands.

--

Neither of them is really sure what to say after that. David gets quiet, as if vocalizing his fear had made everything real, and Nick is absolutely at a loss for how to comfort him.

“I guess, um,” David begins finally, his voice husky and tense, “maybe I should think about this for a while. Figure out what to do.”

“I’m sorry,” Nick says helplessly.

David sighs. “It’s not your fault.”

--

The night of the first show in Boston, David’s in L.A., so they’re basically as far apart as they can get without one of them leaving the country. Despite the three-hour difference, they get offstage at more or less the same time because David’s the opening act. Nick’s not sure if David will answer his phone but he does almost immediately, and they chat about nothing of importance until Nick bites his lip during a lull in conversation and says, “If you think it’d be easier to get over this if we stop talking, I’m okay with that.”

The silence on the other end of the line drags on for so long Nick thinks they might have been disconnected.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” David replies, his voice kind of wobbly. “Um. No, I… oh my gosh, Nick, I don’t think I could.”

It’s the sudden rush of relief that tips Nick off. It’s no secret that he likes having David in his life, but the fact that he was willing to sever their connection if it was in David’s best interests makes him realize how much he cares. That when it comes down to it, he’s more concerned about David than he is about himself.

“Okay,” Nick responds belatedly, then laughs at himself and says, “Good.” He thinks David lets out a small sigh of relief.

--

They don’t really talk about it after that. Nick assumes that David’s commitment to his religion has pretty much made the decision for them, and this is probably the safest way to go regardless. It’s hard enough to keep something going when you’re this age and famous and on the move so much that sometimes you wake up and forget which continent you’re on, even if you’re not both guys. He and Miley learned that the hard way.

Nick tells himself it’s for the best over and over again as he and his brothers travel clear across the country, playing to shrieking arenas almost every night. By the time they hit Los Angeles, he’s starting to believe it.

--

Demi’s tour finishes about a week and a half before the Jonas Brothers’, which reminds Nick of when David was on the Idol tour, except their scheduling was the other way around. Nick feels a lot better about it this time around, and that’s probably because it feels more like a break than an ending. They’re flying off to Canada to shoot Camp Rock 2 with Demi in September, then it’s off to Latin America for another few shows, followed by Europe again in November. It makes him tired just thinking about it, but he knows that’s what their break is for. He feels ready for it this time. It’s been a weird few months, with David and everything. He just needs to chill.

--

Evidently Demi also needs to chill, because she cuts her tour short with three dates to go, rescheduling them to October. It all happens really quickly, too. Like, Nick knows it’s her first gig as a headliner, but jeez. One day she’s calling Joe to whine about how she’s not getting enough vacation time, and the next David’s calling Nick to quietly freak out.

“I just… I know it’s not my fault but I just feel really bad, you know? Like, some of my fans are kind of crazy – in a good way, like, I have totally awesome fans – but they fly out to places to see me and stuff, so like, what about their hotel plans?”

Nick would be charmed by how adorable David’s being if he weren’t so miffed at Demi. He Googles the whole debacle because he doesn’t feel like asking her himself, and there are various rumors circulating about how she’s like, injured or something, or has a “scheduling conflict,” which is complete BS. Halfway through searching, her tweet about wanting a longer break comes up from a few days before and he frowns, setting his jaw in a firm line. He loves Demi, he does, and they’re more or less the same age, so he probably isn’t qualified to say this but he just thinks she needs to grow up a little, is all.

“I’m really sorry,” he tells David honestly. “Um… so what are you doing this weekend now that your shows have been postponed?

He’s an awful person for even thinking what he’s thinking right now, especially since he spent the better part of a month talking himself out of everything, and it’s a complete shot in the dark but he’s willing to chance it. He can feel his heart rate spike as the idea comes together in his head, and he’s not sure what that means about himself, nor the feelings he really should be trying to quash.

“Oh, um, well…” David laughs nervously like he’s kind of figured out where Nick is going with this, but he rolls with it anyway. “On Sunday I’m doing this, like, meet and greet thing in Providence for the people who won the chance to eat breakfast with me?”

He sounds so genuinely confused by the idea that anybody would want to do that – much less enter a competition for it – that Nick almost bursts out laughing.

“Uh-huh,” he says instead, trying his best to sound encouraging. “What about after that? Like after the tour would’ve ended?”

“Um…” David thinks for a second. “Oh, I’m going to Alaska to do a show at a state fair, which is going to be totally cool because I’ve never been there, and then I’m going back home to Utah for a bit, and then L.A. for some writing. I’m really excited about Alaska, though. Like, not just because I’ve never been there and I always like going to new places, but it looks really cool with all the, like, glaciers and stuff? Not that I don’t like L.A., but. Gosh, I hope Alaska’s not too cold.”

Nick shakes his head. David rambles with the best of them, and it’s really kind of adorable.

“What are your plans?” David asks politely, then catches himself and says, “Oh, right, touring. Haha.”

“Yeah,” Nick says drolly, “but then we’re going on break to shoot Camp Rock 2 in Canada. Not until the middle of September, but. We get some time off for that.”

“Oh my gosh, really?!” David exclaims, and he sounds so excited that Nick can’t help but smile. “My little sister loves that movie! Wow, I didn’t even know there was going to be a sequel. She’ll be so excited!”

“Maybe I could meet her sometime,” Nick suggests, and he never does this, never uses his fame to curry favor because it gives him an unfair advantage that sort of makes him feel sick, but he just… he feels like he has something to make up to David still. If he has to play the Nick-Jonas-of-the-Jonas-Brothers card once in a while – well, that’s a small price to pay. And yeah, if he’s honest, maybe a tiny part of him wants to see where David lives, the gray stone house on the secluded cul-de-sac described to Nick over a crackling phone line in the dead of night from a bunk on a tour bus in the middle of God knows where.

“That would be really neat,” David tells him, a smile in his voice, and Nick grins.

--

It turns out that two weeks into filming, David’s going to be singing the National Anthem at the Women’s U.S. Open in New York – which, as Nick casually points out, is less than a two-hour flight from Toronto.

“Oh, really?” David asks politely after Nick informs him, like he’s not quite sure how this is relevant. “That’s cool. So we’ll be, like, pretty near each other and stuff.”

“Yeah,” Nick replies, rolling his eyes at David’s obliviousness. “What are you doing after that? Staying in New York, or?”

“Um, I was gonna just fly back to Utah to spend some more time with my family, and then my mom and I are going to the ALMA Awards in L.A. on the 17th.” He pauses. “You’ll still be filming, right?”

“Yeah,” Nick says again. “Uh, listen… you wanna come hang out for a few days in between?”

David’s quiet for a second. “Come to Toronto?” he asks finally.

“No, to Mars.”

“Oh.” David pauses again, and Nick waits for him to get it. “How – haha. Of course to Toronto. Um…”

Nick holds his breath. Things have been better between them recently – they’ve been working on their friendship, trying to leave the other stuff behind – but he still isn’t really expecting David to say yes. After all, feeling comfortable with someone in person is a lot different than chatting over the phone.

“Yeah,” David says, and you could knock Nick over with a feather. “Okay, sure!”

--

Even though Nick talks to David more than anyone else except his brothers, he doesn’t realize how much he missed the other boy until he sees him. It’s like the entire time he’s been in Toronto has just been one big countdown to now. David’s hair is different – a little longer – and it looks like all the exercise he keeps talking about is paying off. He just… he looks really good. Nick would’ve loved to go inside and meet him, but a Jonas Brother at Arrivals would probably cause a minor stampede, so he’s forced to sit in the car and wait for David to approach with the driver.

“Heyyy!” David exclaims as he clambers onto the back seat, eyes dancing. Nick wants to reach out and wrap his arms around him, only he’s not sure if that’s okay to do anymore so he decides to just act casual. But when David pulls him into a one-armed hug, murmuring “It’s been so long – how are you?” into his ear, he forgets about playing it cool and holds on tight for just a second too long.

--

The movie isn’t actually being filmed in Toronto, although the cast does hang out there on the weekends. Camp Wanakita is up in Haliburton, this backwoods county more than two hours from the airport that’s filled with lakes and trees, and Nick and David talk the whole way there. Nick’s surprised at how effortless it is, given the fact that the last time they saw each other, David couldn’t wait to get away. He wonders how David compartmentalizes it all in his head, letting their easy platonic chemistry flow so freely without his thoughts ever straying towards anything more. Nick kind of wants to ask for tips.

--

When they first got here, Joe and Frankie begged for days to be allowed to sleep in one of the camp cabins, with Kevin firmly opposed and Nick playing Switzerland. Although their father put his foot down, he did manage to find a local hotel that was the best of both worlds. It’s a small place – family-run, homely – looking out onto the lake, the smell of evergreens permeating the air around it. Nick’s not a nature guy, not like Joe, who climbs trees and takes hikes and spends every waking minute exploring the hilly terrain around L.A. whenever their schedule lets up, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t appreciate their surroundings. It’s nice, coming out here. It’s him and Joe and Kevin and Demi in their own personal bubble out in the woods, and now David’s here too and it’s just… it’s nice.

--

David’s room is right opposite Nick’s (which Nick really didn't plan, it's just a fortuitous coincidence), so after he unpacks, he comes padding across the hall in his socks to watch a movie.

“We do this a lot on tour,” he says, gesturing to the screen, and Nick grins.

“Us too. Well, mostly Joe and Kevin. They have this weird thing for chick flicks.”

David smiles Nick’s favorite kind of smile, this wide-eyed confusion that blossoms into gentle, delighted amusement, and Nick can’t even breathe for a second, he feels so fluttery inside.

“Like what?”

“Oh, man… anything,” Nick tells him, leaning back against the edge of the bed. They’re on the floor, knees tucked up to their chins. Nick doesn’t think he’s done this with anyone since he was like seven, but David sat right down as soon as the movie started, so he followed suit without a thought. “Like… I don’t know, they’ve been obsessed with 27 Dresses for a while, and before that it was P.S. I Love You, except that makes Kevin cry for like an hour so now they’re banned from watching it on the bus.”

David giggles. “I liked 27 Dresses,” he says shyly, and if it were anyone else, Nick would’ve teased them, but it’s David, so he wouldn’t dream of it.

“I did too,” Nick admits.

--

David hangs out on set the next day, and it’s so fun having him there. Nick’s really glad he came. David and Demi are still awkward around each other despite touring for the whole entire summer, but Demi’s fond of him, Nick can tell. Everyone seems to like him, actually, and Joe in particular seems almost as charmed as Nick is. He pulls Nick aside as they break for lunch and whispers “I like him, Nicholas!” with this wide, knowing smirk that Nick just can’t get mad at.

“Shut up,” Nick hisses, feeling the heat rush to his face. “He’s right there.”

Frankie really takes a shine to David too, following him around and badgering him about this and that. When he finds out David likes Pokémon, all bets are off. Frankie has like five different decks of cards for all the dueling games Nick was too busy with music to really get into when he was a kid, but David is apparently the Pokémon master. He’s also not bad at Yu-Gi-Oh! and would like to learn Bakugan, which means he’s Frankie’s new favorite person by default.

Meaghan and Chloe seem quite taken with David as well, albeit in an entirely different way. They’re pretty chill girls usually, easy to work with and totally down-to-earth, but whenever David’s around, they’re instantly reduced to little more than breathy laughter. Nick finds it intriguing, the change in them. At least he’s not that obvious.

They eat lunch with the rest of the cast on the first day, but on the second, Joe dispatches them to sit on the dock with some sandwiches (“Don’t ask questions, Nicholas!”), so they roll up their pant legs and dip their toes in the water, and everything feels almost as perfect as it could be. David has hair on his legs, dark and coarse, and this fascinates Nick for some reason. He’s so boyish otherwise, looks younger than Nick even though he’s two years older. It’s funny, the dichotomy of it all. David seems to have no idea that he’s legitimately attractive but he is, he really is, and Nick’s not just saying that because he’s biased, he swears. David’s toned in all the right places, his slim frame perfectly accentuated by lean muscle, and he has these glossy dark eyes and a smile that’ll make your heart skip a beat. He’s a catch. Nick thinks about how David shies away, shaking his head and laughing embarrassedly whenever someone tells him so. He wishes he could just say You know, you’re really cute, the way he can to a girl. He wishes he could say a lot of things.

He’s shaken out of his reverie by the soft splash of water against his calf. David grins impishly and he feels his mouth twist into a wry, incredulous smirk, raising his eyebrows as if to ask, Did you really just do that? David giggles – doesn’t laugh, giggles, and Nick is so far gone over this kid that it’s not even funny.

Nick splashes him back, except he must not know his own strength because the water crests like a miniature tidal wave over David’s ankles, soaking the cuffs of his jeans. David sits in shock for a moment, and Nick’s just about to apologize when the other boy looks up, eyes gleaming with shy mischief, and kicks his foot into the water. A spray of droplets fans upward, coating Nick from head to toe.

And, okay, the hair and makeup lady is probably going to kill him for this, but Nick doesn’t care all that much as he leans down to splash back, really going for it this time. He intercepts David, who is bending to retaliate, and they tussle briefly, Nick grabbing David's wrists. The expression on David’s face changes and Nick instantly lets go.

“What’s wrong?”

David moves his head like he’s trying to shake his thoughts loose. “Nothing, I.” He pastes a smile onto his face, one of the fake ones he does for the cameras, weirdly stretched out and deer-in-the-headlights. Nick frowns at him. He hates that smile.

“What,” he says again with no inflection at the end, studying David’s face carefully. David keeps meeting his eyes and then looking away.

“I, um,” he begins, staring firmly down at the lake. “When you, um. Touched me. It felt like something…”

“Sparked,” Nick finishes, and David reddens as instantly as if someone had flipped a switch.

“Yeah,” he admits, looking at his hands. Nick stays quiet. David opens his mouth, shuts it again, takes a breath and says quietly, “I think about what happened sometimes.”

“Me too,” Nick murmurs, and, God, if David only knew.

David lifts his eyes, his expression so… something. Hopeful, almost, in spite of himself. Nick holds his gaze.

“Like. I’m not sure if I actually feel that way about you or if it was just… you know. Because of what we, um.”

A small, painful knot forms in Nick’s stomach. “You mean like maybe it was only because I was your first kiss?”

David winces a little just hearing the word, and Nick would be lying if he said that didn’t hurt him. The kiss was good – maybe the best he’s had – charged with just the right amount of tension, their chemistry and mutual desire blending with the sense of doing something forbidden, which only made it hotter. David must have felt that too, he just knows it.

“Would you feel better if you knew everything you felt had nothing to do with me at all?” he asks softly, and David stares at him for a second, then bites his lip and nods fervently. “…Would you like to try it again?”

“Um.” David huffs out a laugh, raising his eyebrows at Nick. “Look, if you think that’s going to convince me…”

Nick holds up his hands. He doesn’t really know what he’s doing right now, he’s just going on instinct, and the nerves prickle through his skin like a chill. “Hear me out, okay? The reason you’re so messed up over this is ‘cause you think you have feelings for me, right?”

“Maybe,” David murmurs, blushing, and Nick fights the pleased tingle that the affirmation elicits.

“But you think it might just have been because I was your first.”

David hesitates before nodding again.

“So the only way to prove that it really was about the kiss and not me is to try it again when you’re more prepared for it.”

David looks skeptical, and yeah, part of Nick just really wants to kiss him again, but there’s another part that actually believes the theory. Maybe this’ll fix things for David. Maybe the other boy will talk himself into not feeling anything the second time and go on his merry way, reassured. Sure, Nick will be torn up about it, but that can’t be as bad as seeing David like this, wracked with guilt and confusion because of something he initiated. And even if it does go the way David wants it to, at least Nick will get to kiss him goodbye.

--

David says he needs to think about it, which is fair, so Nick decides to give him some space. He rolls down his pant legs and moseys back over to the picnic area, where most of the cast and crew are taking their lunch break. Nick can tell Joe knows something’s wrong as soon as he looks up.

“You okay?” Joe asks under his breath, sliding along the bench to give Nick room, but they can’t talk here, not with Frankie and their mom sitting right across the table.

“Fine,” Nick says tersely, very conscious of being watched. His stomach is churning. “I’ll tell you about it later.”

Joe looks at him steadily and then nods.

--

When David pads across the hall that night to whisper his consent, Nick has mixed emotions. He’s happy because he’d built the kiss into a resolution of sorts in his head one way or the other, but at the same time, he’s sad, because the fact David agreed in the first place shows how desperate he is for it all to become a non-issue.

“Did you, uh. Just wanna do it now?” David asks, looking miserable. He’s sitting cross-legged by the foot of the bed, and this isn’t how any of it is supposed to go.

“While you’re like this?” Nick asks incredulously. He’s pacing back and forth by the doorway because his nerves are too shot for him to sit. “While I’m like this?”

He holds out his hands, palms downwards, so David can see that he’s shaking a bit, and yeah, part of that is from being too out of whack to eat this afternoon but he really is stressed out about everything.

David widens his eyes and looks at him sadly. “I’m really sorry.”

Nick sighs deeply, sitting down in front of David and resting his chin in his hands. “Don’t be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

He knows David kissed back, that it wasn’t all him and they wouldn’t be in this predicament if it had been, but he can’t bear for David to beat himself up any more than he already is.

David nods unhappily, like he can see what Nick’s trying to do. “Shall we just do it, then? Like, if we’re going to? Just to, you know, get it over with.”

Nick’s kind of regretting the whole thing now, if David’s going to be like this about it.

“What?” David asks, seeing his frown.

“Just...” Nick sighs again and tries to deflect how much he’s hurting with a wry, self-deprecating smile. “I didn’t realize I was that bad of a kisser.”

“Oh, you’re not,” David assures him just a shade too quickly, then clamps his mouth shut and dips his head in an attempt to hide his blush. “Oh, gosh.”

“Jeez,” Nick says, rolling his eyes, and David looks up and offers him a sheepish smile.

“I really am sorry.”

“I know you are.”

Nick reaches out and puts his hand on top of David’s, which makes the other boy flinch until he realizes Nick isn’t going to go any further. Nick can’t even put into words how much he misses the easy comfort of that day in California when he was able to touch David’s face without him caring.

“You need to figure out whether you really want to do this, okay, and if you do, then we’ll take it from there. You’re not leaving for a few more days. Just think about it, yeah?”

“Okay,” David says softly.

Nick hates this.

--

They’re hanging out in Nick’s trailer when it happens. It’s the day before David’s due to leave, and he brought over his copy of Guitar Hero. He’s actually really good – like, good enough to give Joe a run for his money, which isn’t easy. Nick sucks as much as he always does, but he doesn’t mind losing (well… not much) because David takes care to remind him approximately every five seconds that he can play real guitar which is so much cooler.

Nick gets 26 percent on Barracuda while David gets an even 90, despite spending most of the time alternately cracking up at Nick’s abject failure and apologizing for laughing.

“Um… well, you hit more than a quarter of the notes?” David says timidly when their scores come up. Nick just looks at him. “…Okay, perhaps you need some more practice. But, you know, at least you can play –”

“Guitar for real, I know.” Nick smiles. “Besides, if I have to lose to anyone, I want it to be you.”

David blushes. “Aw… thanks,” he says awkwardly, putting his controller down on the table and gesturing to the TV. “You know, I think Allison from this year’s Idol is doing that song on tour.”

“Barracuda?”

David nods. Nick wouldn’t know. He didn’t watch Idol at all this year, really – and yeah, he’s been busy, but mostly it’s because David wasn’t there to draw his interest.

“Man, it’s crazy that it’s been a whole year since you were on that tour,” he says contemplatively. “Which means – jeez, we’ve known each other that long, too.”

David’s eyes widen. “Oh my gosh, how did… how did that happen?”

“I don’t know, man,” Nick says, laughing. “I’m glad it did, though.”

David eyes him like he’s trying to gauge what he means by that. Nick looks back, the picture of innocence, so David smiles tentatively and says, “Me too.”

“You know…” Nick begins, dropping onto the couch and folding his arms casually behind his head, “I was kind of awestruck that day we first met backstage at the TCAs. I don’t know how obvious it was, but.” He shrugs.

“Awestruck of me?” David asks incredulously. “I mean… for me? Over me?” He shakes his head. “Why?!”

It’s Nick’s turn to blush, and wow, he really needs to get a hold of himself. “Why is that so hard to believe?”

“You’re, like… a Jonas Brother.”

“Yeah, and you’re, like, David Archuleta.”

David rolls his eyes and leans down to punch Nick gently in the shoulder – something he does around Nick now, something Nick taught him, and if Nick feels a little burst of pride in his chest every time it happens… well, there’s nothing he can do about that.

Nick laughs and grabs David’s arm as the other boy goes to pull away, and David looks at him uncertainly.

“Come sit,” Nick tells him, thumping the space beside him on the couch. David eyes him appraisingly, then kind of nods to himself and obliges.

“So next time we’re both in L.A.,” Nick begins, and David leans over and kisses him.

--

It feels a lot different than last time. Nick isn’t at all in control, for starters. He kind of figured he’d know if David wanted to try something, but this comes as a complete shock. David’s more insistent now, mouth pressing against Nick’s like he needs something and Nick is the only person who can give it to him. His teeth catch Nick’s bottom lip and Nick groans, feeling the arousal already beginning to pool below his stomach as David claims the hollows of his mouth, places no guy is ever meant to know. They’re sitting pretty close as it is, but Nick shifts to accommodate David further and David paws at his hip, scrabbling for something to hold onto.

Nick grins into the kiss and smoothes his palm across David’s cheek. He loves when David gets like this – intense, focused, casting off his usual principled self control. Their tongues duel for dominance, David making these little whimpering sounds like he loves it, like he can’t believe how good it still feels the second time around. Nick doesn’t realize he’s unconsciously sliding his legs apart until David’s pressed right against his hard-on.

He arches his back, pushing against David, and he won’t let it go any further, he won’t, he just needs this friction right now, this contact. David grunts when he realizes what Nick’s doing, and Nick holds his breath for a second because he thinks David’s going to pull away, but he doesn’t. They rut against each other slowly, David making these funny gasping sounds every time his erection brushes Nick’s and, God, Nick wants to make him come so badly, if only to know what that sounds like.

He breaks off the kiss because he’s scared David won’t.

--

They just sit there for a second, gazing at each other with their chests both heaving. David’s eyes are bright and his cheeks are stained with pink, his plump lips parted as he breathes in shallowly. Nick wants to kiss the fuck out of him.

He reaches out to grab David’s shoulder and tentatively guides the boy back towards him, pressing their mouths together gently. There’s no fire behind it, and he’s hoping David will respond in kind because he really doesn’t want to stop doing this yet, but if they can’t slow down, he’s going to have to. He wants to go further more than anything (more than anything, maybe ever), but he can’t let them do that to their relationship. He can’t let David do that to himself.

He lays his hand on David’s back, anchoring the boy against him, and David relaxes under his touch like he knows what Nick’s trying to do and appreciates it. Nick feels the change in him, the familiar tension that comes with what you want being at odds with the rules. David must have picked up on the fact that if he tries something, he can’t count on Nick to refuse.

--

They manage to keep a better hold on themselves after that, with one or both of them slowing things down every time they get too heated. Nick’s not even sure how they’re managing this right now. His dick has been throbbing in his jeans for a while now, and David’s own hardness is jutting insistently into his thigh. He thinks he could come just like this, if David lets him. A few well-placed thrusts and he’d be gone.

He pulls away and buries his face in David’s shoulder, trembling and breathless.

--

David just holds him after that, stroking the back of his neck until they both get their hearts to stop hammering. Nick tries to anchor himself in the moment, not wanting to think about what will happen after they have to break apart. David’s never going to talk to Nick again, is he. And Nick wouldn’t blame him. They almost… God, they almost…

“Are you okay?” David asks softly from somewhere above him. His voice is rough, hoarse.

“You feel it for real, don’t you?” Nick asks after a beat, voice muffled against the fabric of David’s shirt. He never knew something could make him feel so thrilled and so sick all at once.

He feels the fight go out of David’s body.

“Yeah,” David says quietly. “I really do.”

--

Nick’s scared David’s going to walk out on him after that, just go back to the hotel, pack his bags and leave early for Los Angeles, but David doesn’t show any indication of wanting to move. He cradles Nick on the couch for a while and Nick feels kind of stupid because, hello, he’s not the one whose whole entire world is crashing down around him right now, but David seems oddly calm. Neither of them speaks for a long time – David is quiet, and Nick doesn’t want to break the silence – but David cards his fingers through the hair at the nape of Nick’s neck, and eventually, he starts humming. Nick can’t tell what the song is, even though he knows he vaguely recognizes it.

“At church,” David says suddenly, softly, “they teach us that it’s okay to have feelings like this as long as we don’t act on them.”

Nick waits.

“Like, because they can’t stop anyone from having them. They recognize that. But they just say to keep them as thoughts and not turn them into anything more.”

“I guess we…” Nick begins, trailing off when he realizes his voice doesn’t even sound like himself. He swallows and his throat feels like sandpaper. “I guess we kind of screwed up, then, didn’t we?”

David’s silent for a long time, and Nick’s waiting for him to get up and leave. He wishes David would just get it over with. When David pulls away a little bit, he thinks Here we go, but it’s only so the other boy can look him in the eyes. Nick wants to turn his head away when he sees the expression on David’s face. Conflicted doesn’t even begin to cover it.

“We can’t do this again,” David says haltingly, looking like it hurts him to say it.

“I know.”

“But I think I…” David lifts his thumb to the curve of Nick’s jaw, a question in his eyes, and Nick nods almost imperceptibly. He doesn’t even want to breathe for fear of shattering the moment. David traces the lines of Nick’s face, up and then down again, like Nick’s this precious object that should be handled with care. “I really like you, Nick, and, um. I’m sorry if that makes everything harder, but I really wanted to say it. You know? And I still want – I don’t want to stop talking to you or anything, and I’ve been thinking about it and I guess this will always be here, like, between us, but I need to try to… you know? For my faith.”

He looks so anguished, and Nick just… he wants to make it all go away. He can honestly say this is the first time in his life that he wishes he were born a girl. It would have made everything so much easier.

“I get it,” he says quietly, and some of the pain clears in David’s eyes. “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself anyway if I pulled you away from that.” He almost believes what he's saying as he concludes, “I get that your religion is important to you.”

“So are you,” David says sadly. “I still really want to be, um, friends.”

Nick reaches up and presses his palm to David’s hand, which is curled in a loose fist but opens at his touch. He twines their fingers together.

“I’ll try my best, okay?”

David nods, brushing their mouths lightly together. Nick feels a shiver run right through his body as David whispers against his lips, “Me too.”

--

David’s due to leave the next day, early in the morning, and Nick wants to take him to the airport but he’s needed on set. He has to do this dumb kissing scene with Chloe and, God, it’s just the worst day for it. He lies in bed and stares at the ceiling as he listens to the click of David’s door, the soft thunk of his backpack hitting the floor outside.

Nick’s halfway across the room before he even hears the knock, drawing back the bolt before David’s whispered “Nick, are you awake?” has finished falling from his lips.

Nick pulls the door open and they stand there looking at each other for a moment. David’s wearing his Elvis shirt – Presley, not Costello - and Nick thinks he’s probably really lucky that Selena still has his Costello one or he’d be tempted to do something dumb like give it to David to even out his Elvis count.

“Um,” David begins when he realizes Nick isn’t going to say anything. He looks around the deserted hallway before leaning forward and pressing his lips to Nick’s. It’s kind of doing a number on Nick, all these supposed last kisses, but he guesses this must really be it this time because David’s actually leaving.

It’s not a kiss as much as a need for contact, and Nick eases David’s head onto his shoulder and holds him afterwards, steadying David’s body with a palm on the small of his back. David nuzzles Nick’s neck with his nose, the unspoken sentiment coming through loud and clear, and Nick returns it by smoothing David’s hair. By the time they break apart, David’s eyes look suspiciously shiny, but Nick can barely see them through the salty sheen in his own. He squeezes David’s arm and David smiles at him, so sweet, so open, yet tinged with unbelievable sadness. Nick thinks he manages to smile back before David leans down to hoist his backpack over his shoulder and, with a final look at Nick, starts to walk away.

Nick doesn’t go after him. He wonders if David wishes he would.

--

The kissing scene is just awful. It really is the absolute last thing Nick wants to do, and despite his best efforts, he’s pretty sure that shows. Eventually, Paul, the director, tells them all to take five and pulls Nick aside, advising him to think of someone he actually wants to make out with. Nick wonders what his father would think of such a tactic, but he nods and smiles and says “No problem, sir!” with the intention of doing just the opposite.

But Paul’s words stick in his mind during the next take, as much as he wants to banish them. Chloe’s cute – really pretty, with pouty lips and soft skin – and if he closes his eyes, the part of him that wants her to be David badly enough to ignore the incongruities takes over.

“Cut!” Paul yells, striding over to give Nick a high five and a wink. “That’s a wrap!”

Nick wonders what the people at Disney would think if they knew he was picturing a guy.

--

So the emotional fallout from the David thing definitely sucks, and Nick’s not gonna pretend otherwise. Joe and Kevin are sharing a room because they’re weird (and like to watch movies until they fall asleep on each other), but that night, Joe slips out to check on him when Kevin zonks out halfway through Sleepless in Seattle. Nick lets him in and looks at him and he just knows, Nick can tell.

“I’m… really sorry,” Joe says awkwardly, then shakes his head and says, “Aw, bro, c’mere.”

Nick hugs his brother tightly and wills himself not to cry, and if that doesn’t entirely work then, hey, it’s their secret.

--

David calls late the next night but Nick’s not sleeping, just lying in bed and wishing he were. He must sound a little groggy when he answers because David exclaims, “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, I forgot about the time difference, go back to sleep!” and apologizes five more times before Nick manages to shush him, telling him it’s truly fine.

“How was your awards show?” Nick asks after that, assuming they’re going to fall right back into their regular pattern of not acknowledging the elephant in the room.

“It was really good,” David says quietly. “Um. I won This Year in Music’s Male Rising Star.”

Nick breaks into a grin. “Wait, really? That’s awesome, dude. Congratulations!”

David sounds so shy and gratified when he thanks Nick, like it means so much to him, like he never expected any of it, and it reminds Nick of the times Simon Cowell used to pay him compliments on Idol back in the day. They chat about the ALMAs for a while, how Shakira was there but not wearing a lot (which was super embarrassing because David’s date was his mom), and how Eva Longoria cornered David backstage and got about five different pictures with him. Nick finds that pretty ironic because Chloe used to be on Desperate Housewives, which he only knows because Kevin is, like, addicted to it. After that, David gets pretty quiet, and Nick’s wondering if he should say he needs to get some sleep just for an excuse to end the conversation when David says, “Um, I talked to my mom.”

“…Okay?” Nick says questioningly, because if they spent all evening together, Nick sort of expected them to converse at least a little, but then David clarifies, “About us.”

Oh. Oh.

Nick can’t even breathe right now, let alone formulate words, so he waits for David to continue.

“She’s just. Um. She’s not like my dad, she’s… she gets stuff. And we’re really close, and she knew something was wrong, and I just. I didn’t wanna keep it from her anymore. You know?”

Nick understands that. He remembers what happened when Joe found out, how terrifying it was at first, but that a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders by the mere fact that someone knew and didn’t hate him for it.

“What did she say?”

“She said she kind of knew.”

--

Lupe sounds like a smart woman. Nick doesn’t really know her – he’s only met her once, at the show in Del Mar – but he remembers liking her in an abstract kind of way. Apparently she’d suspected something right from when she saw them hug that time, before anything had even happened, but waited for David to come to her rather than confronting him.

“So, uh… do you have to stop doing that whole sacrament thing now? And, like, the priest… whatever?”

“Using the priesthood,” David laughs, and Nick smiles in spite of himself. He loves that sound. “Um, well, I talked to my mom about that, and she said it was up to me. Because, like, I told her what I told you, and I basically made the decision by myself that it’s not going to happen again and I’m going to stick to that, so. She says as long as I talk to God about it and stay firm with myself, I shouldn’t have to do any of that stuff. She’s, um. She’s kind of progressive, my mom. Not, like, a lot or anything, and she still believes in all the teachings, just… I guess she doesn’t agree with the part where you get publicly shamed for something, you know? In front of everyone. She says that stuff should stay between you and God.”

Nick’s nodding slowly even though David can’t see him. “That makes a lot of sense,” he says finally. He’s glad David sounds so at peace with it now, despite everything. Like, he could’ve got really messed up over this and Nick’s glad he didn’t, even though he wishes things between them could’ve gone differently.

“My mom really likes you,” David says suddenly, and Nick laughs wonderingly. “She said it was really strong of you to...” He trails off before continuing shyly, “Slow things down that time. You know? She said you’re a good person.”

“…Tell her thanks,” Nick says after a beat, trying not to sound too choked up. He’s happy David’s happy. Now he just has to work on himself.

--

It’s weird how fast their relationship snaps back into place. There’s surprisingly little tension and they talk as easily as they always did, but there’s this crackling undercurrent beneath every conversation and Nick wonders if David’s aware of it. It’s hard to put into words, but that doesn’t make it any less tangible.

They finish shooting Camp Rock 2, and then the Bounce video comes out (Nick sends David the link and gets a text back saying what with no punctuation), and Nick and his brothers fly to South America while David goes off to Nashville to write songs. David’s Christmas album drops and Nick gets up to Ave Maria and like, falls over, which David thinks is really funny (“Um, it’s not that amazing, but… thank you?”). Then the Jonas Brothers go to Europe and David starts his U.S. Christmas tour, so they never really know which time zone the other is in, but they try to make it work anyway.

And when Nick’s curled in his hotel bed in Turin, coughing and wheezing and feeling absolutely awful about canceling the show in Zurich, it’s Joe and Kevin who climb in beside him, channel-surfing until they find Gone With the Wind dubbed in Italian, but it’s David who keeps texting, right up until the second he goes onstage.

--

So Kevin’s getting married in December, which is completely crazy but totally awesome. Kevin’s really excited about it, and he and Danielle are so in love, and Nick knows they’re going to make it even if a bunch of tabloids are calling it his “starter marriage.” The wedding will be held at Oheka Castle on Long Island, this beautiful fairytale escape not far from the bustle of New York City, and Kevin spends, like, every waking minute he’s not performing leafing through wedding magazines. Nick thinks that should probably be more Danielle’s department, but this is Kevin they’re dealing with, after all.

Nick mentions Kevin’s newfound obsession on the phone with David one day, staring out across the London skyline from yet another hotel room. He smiles to himself as he idly recalls Joe’s completely serious question about whether it would be a security risk to sneak out and ride the Millennium Eye. David laughs and says “Your brother’s really funny!” and then “Wait, when in December?”

“The 19th?” Nick says questioningly, wondering why it matters.

“Hold… hold on a second,” David says in a strange voice, and Nick hears him put the phone down on some kind of hard surface. He comes back a few moments later, picking it up breathlessly before announcing, “Oh my gosh!”

“What?” Nick asks with a smile. The way David expresses himself will never stop being funny to him.

“I have a show that weekend! On Long Island! In, like, Westbury!” He pauses. “…Where’s Westbury? Is it near where your brother’s getting married? How long are you staying?”

“Uh… everywhere on Long Island is pretty near where my brother’s getting married,” Nick says truthfully. “It’s kind of in the middle, and Long Island’s not that big. We have the castle for the whole weekend, so we’re just kind of hanging out. Like, making a mini-vacation out of it.”

“Oh my goodness,” David exclaims. “We should see each other! I mean, if you want. If you have time and everything. Your brother’s getting married, so it’s okay if you can’t.”

Nick’s heart leaps in his chest. “I… jeez, David, of course I want to see you. Joe’s gonna be bummed that his movie partner left on his honeymoon, so I bet all we’ll be doing is watching, like, Mamma Mia in solidarity.”

“That sounds awesome,” David says sincerely, and Nick can’t stop smiling.

--

There’s a ridiculous snowstorm the weekend of the wedding, and the weather service warns everyone to stay off the roads because visibility is, like, one foot in front of people’s faces. Kevin spends much of Saturday evening stressing aloud about how many guests aren’t going to be able to make it. It’s very unlike him, but he’s not as even-keeled as usual on account of not being allowed to see Danielle because oh, right, they’re getting married tomorrow, which might also have something to do with it.

The third time Kevin snaps at them, Nick and Joe sit him down and make him promise to close his eyes while they cue up the first DVD they bought specially for tonight. It’s My Best Friend’s Wedding and Kevin almost cries just at the title. They’re all kind of sniffling by the credits, so Joe puts in My Big Fat Greek Wedding right after, and pretty soon the tears have turned to smiles. Joe cracks up so hard he falls on the floor at one point (“It’s a bundt, Nick!”) and Kevin’s face is red from laughing, and everything feels warm and nice.

--

They fall asleep in a big pile of Jonases, cuddled so close they take up only a fraction of the huge bed, and Nick almost jumps out of his skin the next morning when the hotel phone goes off with their wake-up call. His own phone chimes in a few seconds later, followed shortly by Kevin’s and lastly Joe’s, with the dumb Veronicas ringtone he got just to piss everyone off. Joe groans and lets out a sleepy merf, tugging a pillow over his head, but Nick raps him on the knuckles with a DVD case and says sternly, “Not today, Joseph.”

Joe gets up after that.

--

Danielle looks beautiful in a gauzy white dress that makes it seem like she’s floating on a cloud, a bejeweled silk flower in her hair. Kevin’s hand shakes when he slips the ring onto her finger. There’s this hushed silence when he does so, the whole congregation suspended in the moment like a dust mote on a sunbeam, and Nick feels his heartbeat thudding in his ears.

The couple exchange I dos and suddenly it’s real, they’re married, Nick’s brother is married, and it’s awesome and terrifying all at once.

--

The reception takes place on the castle grounds, in heated gazebos that shield them all from the weather. Everything is set up like a magical winter wonderland, taking Nick’s breath away. The cake is taller than he is, and everything’s white and draped with garlands. There are crystal icicles hanging off the fake trees, and the bridesmaids’ dresses are this rich navy blue that pops against the shimmering white backdrop. Nick’s best man speech is serious while Joe’s… is not so much, but people cry at both of them, so Nick supposes they each did something right.

But the best part of all is that Kevin looks so happy. He keeps calling Danielle his princess, holding hands with her under the table and gamely attempting to lead her around the dance floor despite having two left feet. Mostly, Nick is too caught up in the festivities to think about David as he watches his brother with his blushing bride, but there’s a sick, tight feeling in his chest that won’t let go no matter how hard he wills it.

It’s not that he wants to get married right now, not to anybody, but it makes Nick really sad that he and David won’t ever have the chance to get that far. He knows there are no guarantees they’d make it, but it’s the fact they can’t even try that gets him. Nick likes David, David likes him, and they’d be good together, he knows it. Nick’s a good boyfriend – he sends cards and sweet texts and flowers for the hell of it, and when he loves someone, he’ll bust his ass to make them smile. And he understands David’s reasons, he just… he hates that this is how it has to be.

--

It’s weird without Kevin. Nick has always been closer to Joe – closer in age, closer in everything – but in all they’ve done they’ve been together, just the three of them, and it feels sharply incongruous for Kevin to have set sail on this grand adventure of being married, leaving the two of them behind.

By the time they slip up to their room that night, un-tucking their dress shirts and collapsing fully clothed onto their beds, it’s past midnight. Nick closes his eyes for a brief second, and the next thing he knows, Joe is shaking him awake.

“Your friend is here,” Joe tells him in this singsong tone of voice that makes it abundantly clear who he’s talking about. Nick bolts upright to see David standing in the doorway, looking awkward and underdressed in a hoodie and jeans, so himself that it makes Nick’s heart hurt.

“Um, I can come back –” he begins, but Nick’s already launching himself at him, wrapping the other boy in a huge, warm hug.

“Don’t you dare,” Nick murmurs into his hair, feeling David shiver beneath him at the close contact. “Don’t you even dare.”

--

Joe, surprisingly enough, doesn’t go straight for Mamma Mia, which Nick dubiously gives him credit for. Instead, he sits on one of the beds and Nick sits on the other, and after a moment’s doubt, David perches gingerly on the edge of the latter.

“Sooo,” Joe begins, using the kind of tone that means mischief’s afoot. Nick experiences a brief moment of terror, eyes widening at his brother in a silent plea for discretion just once in Joe’s life, but Joe shakes his head slightly and winks at him. “You ever see Casablanca, David?”

David hasn’t.

--

To be fair, Nick’s never seen it either, but he kind of knows how the last scene goes because everybody does, right? It’s like, part of the collective human consciousness or something; Here’s looking at you, kid and all that. But an hour and a half in, David’s watching with the kind of awed concentration that makes it obvious he has no idea what’s about to happen, and where do Mormons come from anyway? Like... Jupiter?

“If that plane leaves the ground and you’re not with him, you’ll regret it,” Humphrey Bogart insists in his clipped, old-fashioned tone, a dark and rugged presence next to Ingrid Bergman’s small frame. “Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life.”

“But what about us?” Ingrid asks, all breathy, the sheen of unshed tears glistening in her eyes. Nick tries to ignore Joe mouthing along with the lines.

“We’ll always have Paris.”

David makes a quiet hiccupping sound from his position at the end of the bed, hugging his knees to his chin, and Nick’s surprised to even notice given the fact that Joe is on the other bed completely falling apart. There’s a box of tissues next to him and Joe blows his nose into one, honking loudly, the tears unapologetically streaming down his cheeks. Nick raises an eyebrow and glances over at David to roll his eyes. David’s eyes are definitely a little shiny – not as shiny as Ingrid’s, but he’s getting there – so Nick looks back at the screen and pretends not to have noticed.

“When I said I would never leave you…” Ingrid begins.

“And you never will.”

David excuses himself to go to the bathroom and misses Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

--

Joe cries himself to sleep like two minutes later, so Nick ejects the DVD partway through the credits and pads softly towards the bathroom, the hotel carpet scratchy on his bare feet.

“David,” he says quietly, then pauses, then knocks. There’s a brief silence before the door opens with a click and David emerges, face pale and wet but not from tears.

“I was just… washing my face,” he explains thickly, the faint redness around his eyes suggesting there’s more to it than that.

“Okay,” Nick says anyway, deciding not to push it. “I’m gonna sleep with Joe so you can have a bed to yourself.”

David hesitates for a second before pulling the door closed behind him. “That’s fine.”

Nick kind of hovers over him as he clambers in, looking smaller and more fragile than usual in the enormous king-size bed. He pulls the crisp, white sheet up to his chin and it seems to Nick to swallow him up.

“Um…” he begins haltingly after Nick doesn’t immediately move, “are you sleeping now too?”

“Yeah,” Nick says abruptly, tearing himself away from thoughts of climbing in beside David and falling asleep with the other boy safely cocooned in his arms. “Yes. Goodnight.”

He turns to the other bed where Joe’s spread out like a starfish, mouth hanging ajar. Nick makes a face.

“C’mon, Joseph,” he says firmly, prodding at Joe’s hip. No response. “Joseph. Joe.” Nothing. Nick exhales, blowing a stray curl off his forehead in frustration. “Joseph Adam,” he persists, heaving at Joe’s side with both hands, “move over right now.”

“Mraaaaaagh,” is Joe’s only response. He twitches his nose and spreads his arms out even wider, so they’re almost touching either side of the bed.

Nick almost thinks he's doing this on purpose.

“For the love of…” Nick mutters. “I knew he shouldn’t have chosen today to try champagne.” He continues pushing at his brother, talking over his shoulder. “We don’t really drink – none of us do – so he doesn’t exactly have much of a tolerance.”

“I don’t either,” David says quietly. “Drink, I mean. I have no idea about my tolerance. You can… you can share with me, if you want.”

Nick stops pushing.

“Huh?” he asks intelligently, turning around to look at David. “I’m sorry, what?”

“You can share with me,” David repeats steadily, nary a quaver in his voice. “Just for tonight. Because Joe…”

“Okay,” Nick says instantly.

--

It’s awkward at first, the way David shuffles over to give Nick space, looking up at him with these big dark eyes. It’s like he’s doing this against his better judgment, as if part of him thinks Nick’s gonna, like… jump him or something, or maybe those are Nick’s own thoughts as he warns himself off. He wouldn’t try anything and he knows that, but he’s wanted this for so long, to touch David again, to hold him. He knows this is a fluke – the whole day was a one-off, this once-in-a-lifetime perfect dream that can never be relived. Kevin marrying his princess in a real winter wonderland, Nick falling asleep in a castle next to David Archuleta… neither is ever going to happen again, for better or worse.

Nick slips under the covers and, after several tentative seconds, pulls David close. David tenses for a moment and then relaxes in his arms.

--

Nick wakes up to Joe leaning over him, his brother’s smirking face taking up almost his entire line of vision. He jolts in surprise and Joe holds a finger to his lips, gesturing to Nick’s right. Nick frowns, his mind muzzy in his newly awoken state, but as soon as he turns his head enough to see the shock of dark hair on the pillow beside him, the memories of the previous night come flooding back. His arm is still splayed across David’s body and he cuddles David tighter on reflex, causing the other boy to murmur sleepily for a moment before drifting back into silent slumber.

Joe mimes something about going to get breakfast, and Nick buries his head in the crook of David’s shoulder and lets him leave.

--

David sleeps a little while longer and Nick just lies there curled against him, thoughts shifting from the bliss of having David’s body pressed against his own to the utter misery of knowing they’ll have to part when David awakes. He tries to push it out of his head and enjoy this while it lasts, but it lingers like a dark cloud, sad and ominous, brewing the inevitable rain.

David shifts and makes a whuffling sound in his throat. For a second, Nick feels as if all the cells in his body are holding their breath, just waiting to be pushed away, but then the other boy settles against his chest and Nick assumes he fell back to sleep. It isn’t until a few moments later when David’s long eyelashes flutter and he lets out a small yawn that Nick realizes with a jolting, sick feeling that this is all going to be over too soon. He steels himself against it, waiting for David to spring out of his arms, but the flurry of motion never comes.

“Good morning,” David says quietly, and Nick’s still holding his breath, confused. David looks up shyly, smiling with the soft sleepiness of someone who’s just reentered the conscious world.

“…Hi?” Nick manages finally, and a frown creases David’s forehead.

“What’s wrong?”

Nick feels silly suddenly. It’s not like they did anything, they just lay together, side by side, like Nick’s done with Joe a million times – but this is different, and they both know it.

“I think,” David begins uncertainly, like he’s guessed what’s running through Nick’s head. “I think… it’s okay. That… you know. I don’t think it’s bad. We didn’t – um. We just. Have to make sure we don’t...” He lowers his eyes. “Do anything more.”

“I know that,” Nick says softly, trying to keep the edge out of his voice. He’s not mad at David, not at all, but the God who says this is wrong, David’s God, his God too… Nick can’t help but be a little angry with Him. And it’s terrible, because that’s the same God who’s been watching over him and his brothers this whole time, who blessed them with their talents and their dad with enough business smarts to prevent them from being exploited. The same God who saw them through their van accident all those years ago and gave Joe the presence of mind to fling himself across his brother, saving Nick’s life.

But when it comes right down to it, Nick can’t believe this is wrong. He just can’t. It’s too… it’s too perfect.

--

They lie in silence for a while, holding each other and willing the time not to pass even as the numbers on the digital clock atop the nightstand relentlessly flip. Nick has to turn away eventually, because it’s just depressing him. When he hears Joe’s keycard slide in the door, his stomach drops. It’s ending, and although Nick’s been mentally preparing himself for this basically since the second it started, it still feels desperately too soon. He pulls David closer.

--

The worst part about leaving someone, or having someone leave you, is the sudden wrenching sense of loss right after they step out of the door. There’s an awful period of twenty, thirty seconds when all you want to do is run after them and drag them back, but then they’re too far away and the emptiness sets in in your chest, this yawning hole inside you that actually physically hurts.

Nick returns to the room after seeing David off and sits blankly on the bed, sheets strewn across it messily because neither of them wanted to get up until they absolutely had to and then there was a big rush to ensure David got ready on time. Joe (awfully tactfully, for him) excused himself right before David had to go, saying he was going to watch something with Frankie and fixing Nick with a strange, steady look as he invited him to “come by later; Cars is good.”

Nick knows that. Frankie’s watched it enough times on the bus for him to basically know the entire plot, even if he’s never sat down and paid attention to it from beginning to end. That’s not why Joe said what he did, though, and that’s something of which Nick’s quite aware. Joe knew he’d come back to the empty room, feel like his chest was caving in and not be able to handle it.

Well, Joe was right.

With great effort, Nick gets up from the bed and hauls himself to the bathroom to splash his face with cold water and take some deep breaths. No-one’s ever affected him like this before; he’s never so keenly felt a person’s absence. He thinks back to Miley – he must have, with her, but the whole thing seems blurred in his memory like a scene from a movie he saw long ago. And, speaking of movies, he should go and find Joe.

--

Frankie’s excited when he joins them, and Nick thinks he’s covering his emotions quite well until he notices Joe watching out of the corner of his eye. He attempts the fakest grin of his entire career, making every smile for the paparazzi seem radiant and genuine in comparison, then glances back at the movie and tries to look focused.

He stares at the screen until the credits start rolling, but doesn’t see anything at all.

--

So Nick’s usually a very patient person. He trained Elvis by himself – little things like sit and stay, right up to offering a paw and rolling over – and volunteered for the gargantuan task of helping Frankie understand fractions. Plus, he’s roomed with Joe in hotels for as long as anyone can remember, and if being around a hyperactive post-show Joseph Jonas doesn’t teach someone patience, Nick’s not sure what does.

Which is why it’s as much of a surprise to him as to anybody that not hearing from David right away is driving him so crazy. He doesn’t get this wrapped up in people. He just doesn’t. Even with Miley, if she didn’t text him for a little while, he got it. She was busy, he was busy, so it kind of worked out. But with David, the kid who’s not even properly with him, who won’t be, who can’t be… David’s the one who has him going nuts.

--

They’re at dinner when Joe finally says something about it. Nick’s phone vibrates for like the seventh time and, also for the seventh time, he jolts and rushes to check it.

“Just text first already,” Joe says under his breath from the adjacent seat, and Nick doesn’t think anyone caught it but then Frankie looks up curiously and his stomach sinks.

“Who are you texting, Nicky? Do you have a giiirlfriiiend?”

Nick smiles tightly. “Nah. It’s just Chelsea.”

He flips the phone around to show Frank the unopened message, thanking his lucky stars that it was her and no-one awkward. Frankie knows her boyfriend from cast parties and hangouts on set, so he’s not likely to make kissy noises or sing about Nick and Chelsea sitting in a tree anytime soon.

Nick glances back over at Joe, and Joe makes a face. Well, at least the girlfriend part was true.

--

David does end up texting, not long after his plane touches down in Utah. His Back home safe! haha makes something inside Nick’s chest tighten and shatter into a million pieces. It seems ages since the Philippines – so much has happened in their careers, their lives, their relationship with each other – but Nick thinks back to the night he told David he missed him, how the meaning behind his words went right over David’s head. It wouldn’t this time.

He does it anyway.

--

There’s a long, long pause after he sends the text, and he’s not sure what to make of it. It’s not uncommon for David to wander off or space out and not reply immediately, but this feels more like a pointed silence, like maybe he doesn’t know what to say in response. Either that or Nick’s being paranoid.

Me too is the eventual reply, and Nick’s still kind of processing that when a second one comes through: I mean you, not me. I don’t miss myself, lol. I’m always around me. Nick shakes his head and responds Duh, all sassy, followed by a hopeful We should see each other again soon.

All right, comes the almost immediate response. I’d like that.

--

Christmas is awesome this year. Joe gets Nick a gray sweater and a pair of fuzzy dice for his rearview mirror, while Nick gets Joe a blender because his new place doesn’t have one yet and Nick is, like, the smoothie king, so that just won’t do. Kevin and Danielle bring back stuff for everyone from Mexico, and all four kids – as usual – get gift cards from their parents: iTunes for Nick, GameStop for Frankie, and home appliances and furniture stores for Kevin and Joe. Frankie even gives his own gifts this year rather than adding his name to his parents’, so everyone receives a lovely reminder of the tie-dying debacle of the previous month, during which Frankie ruined two tablecloths in four days in order to produce a set of blotchy T-shirts that are mostly muddy brown in color but nevertheless appreciated.

Their mom’s gravy turns out really well and their dad falls asleep in front of the TV before it’s even dark outside, and Frank flakes out around eight because he’s been bouncing off the walls since five in the morning. Danielle helps Denise with the dishes while Frankie’s older brothers retreat to the studio space set up in the basement and strum casually on their guitars for a while. They’re writing but not seriously, so Nick doesn’t mind when Joe grabs Kevin’s guitar and starts doing his Avril impersonation, and Kevin laughs so hard he almost kicks over his mug of eggnog.

Not long after that, Kevin goes off with Danielle and Joe ambles upstairs to rouse their father and settle down to watch some late-night TV. “Don’t stay down here too long, Nicky,” he calls over his shoulder as he ascends, and Nick plucks out a couple of Costello ballads before rising to grab his phone and go to bed. The new message icon is lit up, and Nick taps it as he starts up the staircase. It’s from David, a simple Merry Christmas with a little smiley face.

--

Nick’s in Boston with the Administration when he finds out about the earthquake. He gets on Twitter after the show and that’s when he sees the trending topics, Haiti and Port-au-Prince and 7.0 magnitude, and something inside him goes Uh-oh. David tweeted about it too, of course. He’s so into this Twitter thing, and Nick’s learning but he has a way to go. By now they’re back to texting each other multiple times a day and sometimes David will mention a TwitPic or a Twitter party, and Nick will be like “What?” and David will explain. They don’t follow each other, but Nick lurks his page once in a while.

He calls Joe from his hotel room as soon as he sees Twitter, and they both turn on CNN, Joe sporadically punctuating the silence with a somber “Wow” or a “Ho-ly…” When they’re invited to help man the phones for the Hope for Haiti Now telethon, all three Jonas Brothers jump at the chance.

--

Nick wonders if there’s a point where even though you’re not formally with someone, you actually kind of are in a sense, based on the amount of time you spend talking and laughing and generally being into each other. If there is, he thinks, he and David have definitely reached it. There’s nothing about this that isn’t a relationship, except for the fact that they can’t be physical with each other or ever acknowledge it, but it’s there – Nick can feel it. At first he thought the undercurrent was just his imagination, but it isn’t, it really isn’t. It’s there in the softening of David’s voice when he picks up the phone to find Nick on the line, the way Nick’s pulse jumps when he hears David’s ringtone, the good morning texts he sends David to wake up to. They’re tender with each other, loving quietly without expressing it, and Nick realizes that somewhere along the road he’s begun to treat David as he would a girlfriend – softly, with sensitivity and kind of a protective streak. One time, he apologizes for it, because it’s getting kind of ridiculous, but David just goes quiet for a second before saying, “Don’t stop; I like it.”

Well. Well, okay.

--

Nick knows David will be back in L.A. later in the month to work on more songwriting, but when he gets the text about David doing Hope for Haiti too, he almost keels over. There’s, like, a date now, something tangible, something he can – as lame as it sounds – count down to, and Nick really can’t wait. He’s on a tight schedule that week, with the telethon sandwiched between a Thursday show in Minneapolis and a Saturday show in Denver, but he’ll get to spend the night at home before his morning flight and now he’ll see David too and it’s just… oh, it’s awesome.

--

So the number of famous faces at this thing is kind of ridiculous. Nick would almost think he were at Madame Tussaud’s or something, but for the fact that these celebrities are living, breathing beings. There’s George Clooney over in one corner, near Christina Aguilera and Justin Timberlake, and Leonardo DiCaprio is sipping white wine and chatting with Reese Witherspoon. There are a lot of people he’s friends with too – Kevin goes straight to Zac and Vanessa, while Joe fist-bumps Common and tries desperately to stay as far away from Taylor as possible. Nick would like to say hey to Selena, but she’s sticking to Taylor like glue and he doesn’t particularly feel like dealing with that brand of crazy in such close quarters. He looks around for someone he knows personally, and it takes a second to register that way over the other side of the room, wearing plaid and hanging out near the fruit platter, is David Archuleta.

Nick gets this crazy sense of déjà vu as he wades through the gaggle of famous faces, and he can’t help but think back to the first time they met, when David walked in and lit up the room before making his way over to sit at Nick’s side.

“Archuleta,” Nick calls when he’s sure he’s within hearing distance, and David glances up with his deer-in-the-headlights expression before catching sight of Nick and breaking into a huge, gorgeous, genuine smile.

Nick’s usually kind of shy about his own smile, but with David, he can’t help but grin back. He opens his arms to give a very manly pat on the back, which sort of turns into a squeeze.

“It’s good to see you,” Nick says quietly, and David beams.

--

What follows is essentially two hours of organized chaos, with phones ringing off the hook. The first caller Nick gets is an older woman who has no idea who he is, but he talks to her briefly about how important her donation is and she seems impressed with his professionalism, saying “Thank you, dear” before she hangs up – which isn’t to say he doesn’t fulfill his quota of screaming girls as the night progresses, but it’s a nice, low-key way to start off.

They’re offered breaks but nobody really takes them; there’s a cool atmosphere inside the studio that makes everyone feel like they’re actually making a difference, so most remain at their stations for the whole event. Quite a few even stay afterwards, including Nick, Joe, Kevin, and David, and Nick spies Taylor over at the other end of the phone bank and feels kind of bad about not talking to her earlier. Nick and his brothers don’t put their phones down until eight – almost an hour later than scheduled – and there’s talk about going out before the three of them decide they’d really rather go home and watch a movie, especially with Nick’s early flight the next day.

David is in the row above Nick’s, wrapping up his last phone call as the people around him rise and pack up. Nick turns to look in what he thinks is a surreptitious manner until Joe elbows him and tells him “Go” under his breath, so he obliges.

“Heyyy,” David says warmly as Nick approaches, and Nick grins reflexively as David’s hazel eyes meet his. He plays with his dogtag as David watches, expectant, before finally asking as casually as he can if David would like to join them. The answer is a resounding yes.

--

Nick kind of hoped some of the paps would be gone if they got out late, but he has no such luck. There’s a whole horde of them, more than even he’s used to, because there were a lot of big name stars in one place tonight. It feels like every photographer in Hollywood is calling his name.

He grabs David’s arm and David jumps a little but shrinks closer, allowing himself to be shepherded towards the waiting car. Nick and David slide into the back seat with Kevin riding shotgun and Joe at the wheel, and they inch out slowly, half blinded by camera flashes. David fiddles with his phone self-consciously, and Nick squeezes his hand.

--

They decide on Titanic for two reasons: firstly, they all kind of geeked out over being in such close proximity to Leo earlier, and secondly because David’s never seen it. Kevin actually goes white when he finds this out, protesting weakly, “But… it’s Titanic.” Apparently David heard Kate Winslet went topless and avoided it at all costs.

“I’ll cover your eyes during that part,” Nick promises, and Joe kind of snickers while Kevin smiles vaguely, oblivious.

--

One hour in, and David’s so engrossed that it’s kind of adorable. Nick looks at him sidelong – really looks at him, taking him all in. He’s made up of so many delightful components, and Nick takes the time to appreciate every single one. The slight upward quirk of his lips, strangely representative of his perpetual optimism and gentle, amused outlook. The beauty mark at the left tip of his jaw bone, hidden just under his ear. The sparkly, expressive eyes that crinkle at the edges.

David blinks, sensing he’s being watched, then tilts his head and gazes steadily back for a few seconds. There’s a flicker of uncertainty between them, of chemistry realized but not acknowledged, and David looks mildly terrified that all one of them has to do is give in. His breath stutters, catching in his throat, but Nick just smiles, letting the moment shimmer and eventually dissipate. It’s not right, that things have to be this way, but Nick knows he’d rather have David in this capacity than not at all.

David swallows and gives Nick a real smile that reaches his eyes.

--