Archive of Our Own ^beta

Bio

What is life? Me myself was born 1,344 years before Christ. I was created in a rusty basement by a humongous leprosy written man with big fat pimples all over his ♥♥♥. I got quite a good look at them when I cleaned his moldy squishy bum. I counted it to be 5 big pus filled cancer lumps with a circumference of 6 centimeters. I contemplated suicide. Google was my escape from reality. I found great wiki links filled with information on how to kill myself, but none of the methods met my requirements for the attention I wanted to gain after my death. And so the big fat blobman walked into the room. It was at this moment I knew I was doomed to live here for an eternity. I ended death. Luckily, the fat man died of inhaling his own mold particles and I was free to roam Earth. And so I ascended into god for facing one of life's greatest challenges, being captured by the founding father of the people we now call Neck-beards. That is life.