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My grandma had been dragged away by one of my uncles. I kept refusing to admit the fact I just shit the toilet up to the point it was about to blow. I just ruined thanksgiving. I just ruined everyone's day. My reputation and dignity are ruined after today.
My dad ordered me to get a plunger and some air freshener. My sister had been screaming “EWW”. She continuously yelled. She was making my mood worse and worse by the second. I brought the plunger along with the air freshener. The smell was out of this world. I was about to puke from the sight of it all and the smell.
My grandma had woken up and was washing since she had MY shit all over her clothes. My grandpa and cousins just stood and watched as all of the dads took over. They reminded me of those Home Depot dads. My dad took the plunger from my hands and my uncle took the air freshener. He sprayed the bathroom like there was no tomorrow. He even sprayed the feces on the ground.
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. A bunch of Home Depot dads unclogging a toilet that's filled to the brim with shit. I stared at the scene for what felt like hours. Then I turned to look at my mother, searching for comfort. What I saw instead was a GIANT TALL THICCC SHIT. I assume it floated out of the bathroom from the toilet overflowing.
There was so much shit, it was probably a new world record. There was so much! It looked as if it started blinking. Did I create a new organism?
I was about to start crying, when I heard a laugh come from behind me. I knew that laugh far too well. It was my great-great-grandma like always, but instead of seeing her look at the monstrosity before her while laughing like a lunatic, she was covered in SHIT. MY SHIT TO BE EXACT. Being the psycho she was, she was playing with my feces like a little toddler. My two year old brother joined in and so now there were two people playing in crap. I tried my best to ignore them both, so I looked back at how the Home Depot group was doing. My dad's arms were covered in shit. The plunger was splashing feces around. It was so liquidy at this point.
Everything was going terribly today. I thought about how I could have avoided this terrible end. I could’ve not eaten the turkey, bones and all. As I thought, I stared at my great-great-grandmother. She threw the shit at my poor, poor mother. My mother gasped as she realized what was happening. The shit flew into her MOUTH! She immediately started screaming and spitting. She cried out, “I knew I shouldn’t have married into this family! YOU ARE ALL LUNATICS!!!!”
I was about to run when I realized; the toilet was SMOKING! My dad screamed as the plunger burned to a crisp. My uncle called 911, and my aunts and cousins panicked. My great-great-grandmother cheered as the fire grew. I thought about all I could do in life. I wondered if this was how I was going to die.
My mother ran out the house screaming, “FIRE! FIRE! HELPPPPP!” I stared at the toilet, which was now beginning to catch fire. I watched as the pipes started to burst from the pressure of the shit. We all took cover because we knew what would happen next. There was shit in the toilet and in those pipes, and if they were to bust, THIS HOUSE IS UNDERWATER (or should I say under’shit’! The walls of the bathroom started to move, centimeter by centimeter. I thought I was about to have a heart attack. Then I blacked out.
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I woke up in a hospital bed, my mom was right next to me. She looked extremely surprised like she just saw a ghost.
“Oh my god, you’re awake!” She hugged me. “What happened to the toilet…?” I asked in my hoarse voice. “Pardon…??” She looked confused. “What happened?” I repeated. “You have been in a coma for the past 2 weeks. You were messing around in sewage pipes and fell down a waterfall. Your body was found by some wanders and you were in very bad shape." She explained.
I was flabbergasted, but hey, look at the plus side, at least I didn't blow the house up with my massive diarrhea.