Chapter Text
Dani woke up with a start, bracing herself to find that she was on the side of the road, or worse, in a hospital with tubes in her throat. She shot upwards and scrambled to her feet, anxiety overtaking her.
“Woah, poppins! Let’s take it slow, okay?” The familiar voice pulled her out of her panic. She took in her surroundings, accepting slowly that she was in her bedroom at home. And that she was no longer wearing jeans and a sweater, but pajama pants and an old t-shirt. And that Jamie was walking over to her. Jamie, who she had last seen...on the sidewalk? No, that couldn’t be it…
“Jamie, I-“ she racked her brain for an explanation, but she couldn’t conjure anything that had happened after they left the shop. “I don’t know how I got here.” Jamie took her hands and guided her back to the bed. She tentatively got in, and waited for Jamie to return to her own side so that she could lay on her chest. Jamie understood this without anything having to be said. She arranged the blankets and outstretched her arms, allowing Dani to settle on top of her. She stroked her hair as their legs intertwined.
“How much do you remember, poppins?” Jamie asked in a low, raspy voice. It wasn’t until then that Dani realized it was the middle of the night.
“Not much after we left the shop, to be honest,” she admitted. “You and I were leaving, I wanted to walk faster since you didn't have a coat on, and then I woke up here.” Jamie chuckled and Dani’s eyes widened with realization. She got up and leaned on her palms so she was hovering just above Jamie. “Did you carry me here?!” Jamie laughed again, and Dani scowled.
“Why were you so worried about me not having a coat? I said I was fine!” Jamie was really laughing now, and a smile crept across Dani’s face despite everything. “You had just blacked out and gotten sick and you’re worried about me being a bit chilly? Poppins, you're the light of my life.” Dani glowed at that. Her expression softened and she let her body press back against Jamie’s.
“I cannot believe you carried me home. I am so in awe of you. And I am so, so sorry,” Dani laughed, and laughed, and suddenly sobbed.
“Oh, Dani, please talk to me,” Jamie rubbed her back and pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders. “What’s going on with you, poppins?”
“It’s this time of year, Jamie, every year, but it’s so much worse this time,” Dani cried. “I could deal with it on my own without you even noticing before, but it’s gotten so bad and I’m so scared.” Jamie managed her shock, glad Dani couldn’t see her face.
“What do you mean ‘every year,’ Dani?”
“When it gets close to the anniversary of, um, the lake, I get these, um, I- I get sick like this,” she took gasping breaths in between her words, suddenly feeling like she couldn’t get enough air in. “Usually I get blurry vision once or twice, a migraine, it’s never made me throw up like that…”
“How did I not know about this?”
“Talking about it um, seems to make it worse,” she was practically hyperventilating at this point.
“Okay, Dani, let’s take a break then, let me get you tea or something,” she moved to get up, but Dani hummed in protest and clung to her shoulders.
“Please don’t leave me,” she whimpered. Jamie’s heart clutched. She settled back down and pulled Dani in closer.
“I’m here, poppins.”
“I can’t believe you carried me home.”
“What’s not to believe? I’m strong!”
“Up the stairs and everything?”
“Up the stairs and everything.”
“How did you unlock the door?”
“With…difficulty.” That earned a laugh from Dani. “Don’t mind your black eye, it’s just from the doorknob.”
“What?!” Dani’s hand flew to her face.
“Kidding! I would never ruin such a perfect face, Dan,” Jamie teased, messing up Dani’s hair.
“You’re hilarious,” Dani ran her hand up Jamie’s chest until it settled on the side of her head. She toyed with a piece of her hair and stroked behind her ear. “Thank you. For getting me home today I mean. And I need you to promise me something.”
“Anything, poppins.”
“No matter how serious it seems, do not take me to a hospital.”
“Dani-”
“I’m serious,” she took a deep breath, hot tears running silently down her face and soaking into Jamie’s shirt. “We’re not really married, Jamie, not legally. If something happened and you weren’t able to see me...I would rather die here with you than find myself alone in a hospital, especially since there’s nothing they’d be able to do for me anyways.”
Jamie sighed, and the two sat in silence for a moment. Dani’s words hung in the air. I would rather die.
“You’re completely certain there is absolutely nothing a doctor could do for you?”
“I feel it in my bones, James. It’s her .”
“Then I promise. But you have to promise something in return.”
“Anything, darling,” Dani whispered, tracing Jamie’s jawline with two fingers.
“If it gets like this again, you’ll let me know. I don’t want you dealing with this alone anymore.”
“I promise,” she said, then took a short breath. She tensed suddenly, then stated “I would like to start now.”
“You would like to...start?”
“I would like to start telling you when it is getting bad right now. It is getting bad right now,” she gasped and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to fight it as long as she could. Using the last of her energy, she held herself up on her palms so she could lean over Jamie’s face. She felt a twinge of guilt as she saw the look in Jamie’s eyes; pure panic staring up at her. She tried to push those thoughts back as white spots danced in her vision.
“What can I do, Dani?” Jamie’s hands were on Dani’s shoulders, holding her steady just above herself.
“It’s the same every time, I-” she faltered and almost slammed into Jamie’s chest. She forced her elbows to lock. “I’m going away, I don’t want to, I wish I wasn’t, I-”
“Dani you’re not making a lot of sense-”
“Jamie I’m so sorry. I’m begging you please stay with me please just-” her ears rang and she knew she was too far gone. She could feel herself continuing to speak, incoherently continuing to desperately beg Jamie to stay, but she couldn’t hear anything. Her head dropped sharply and hung limply in front of her chest. She felt tears run up through her eyebrows and realized she was crying again, unsure of when she had begun. So humiliating…
“Poppins, lay down,” Jamie sat up a bit to meet Dani’s body with her own and lowered them both back onto the bed, their arms wrapped around each other. Jamie rubbed Dani’s back and caressed her hair. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“It hurts, James,” Dani muttered, tears soaking her face. Her voice was barely audible over the blood rushing in her ears.
“Just let go, darling,” Jamie said softly, reaching under Dani’s shirt to rub her back. She kissed the top of her head and reached over to turn off the lamp on the bedside table. “I’ll be here when you get back.”