Chapter Text
Shigaraki fantasied about just…simply getting up from bed one day and walking out of the front door and leaving. He had never tried, and could guards actually stop him? Dabi definitely could, and Chisaki perhaps had a chance, but what about anyone else? Shigaraki was sure that he could kill them. It would be easy too, with his wound not hindering him anymore. He doubted he could twist around in his movements too much, and do anything fancy with his moves, as it’d risk reopening it, but he felt as if his basic move-set wouldn’t stir it.
His mind started to obsess about leaving to the point that it almost drove him to attempt it.
I must go. I must go. I must go.
It was hard to sleep, too distracted with thoughts of escape.
And then one day he got out of bed, went to the bathroom, brushed his teeth, showered, got dressed, ate the breakfast on the tray on his bed, then walked out the bedroom door. He had hardly left the bedroom, not even remembering a time when he had. The bedroom had been large, containing both the bathroom and all the medical supplies needed. And the door had not been locked.
Ha.
Not a smart move. Did they seriously think that Shigaraki could be trusted? And be a good little prisoner?
He padded down the hallway, as silent as a predator. He had long since learned how to shift his weight to not make a sound. He had learnt this with his biological father. Sound meant an angry man barrelling down the hallway, out of the dark, hell-bent on beating the shit out of a kid that had only wanted to use the bathroom during the night. Shigaraki had feared the dark as a child because of that. Always fearing that men would spring out from the shadows and hurt him. Sometimes he was right.
But it was day, and Shigaraki had a clear view of the hallway, listening keenly for any sounds. Chisaki tended not to be around during the day, or if he was he didn’t tend to visit Shigaraki then. And Shigaraki hadn’t seen Dabi for a long time, glad that Chisaki had somehow warned him to stay away. And since Dabi only used to show up at night to deliver dinner, he hoped that Dabi wasn’t around now. He didn’t seem like the type interested in staying still when he could be out on the streets causing chaos.
Shigaraki heard a TV blaring, so he avoided whatever that room was in, and by luck alone he found the front door. Unguarded. He supposed that no one had expected him to go for it when he had shown no signs of leaving before. Because leaving could result in punishment, and logically why would anyone risk it? But Shigaraki wasn’t like most people and could take a beating if he needed to. He was used to it.
So, silently, he unlocked the door, and stepped out, holding a hand up to shield his eyes as sunlight hit him.
He was free.
There was a man outside, and that man reached for his phone, gasping, but didn’t manage to type anything before Shigaraki wrapped an arm around his neck and choked him out. He hid him in some bushes before going on his merry way, and jumped the fence around the house, choosing not to walk down the driveway and be spotted out in the open.
He weaved in and out of alleys, and wasn’t sure where to go, nerves on fire and heart racing.
It was funny but he didn’t want to go anywhere in particular. Not even back to All For One. Not to Magne, because if he was found anywhere near her then it could mean trouble for her. So he walked, aimless, not sure what to do. What did he even want to do anymore? He’d have to return to All For One eventually, he knew that, but right now he was drunk on freedom.
That is until a man stood in his way, not far from the house he had been held in. A man that Shigaraki recognised as one of All For One’s men: Muscular. A stupid name for a bastard of a man. And the guy was ridiculously muscular to the point that it couldn’t all be natural. And he leered at Shigaraki, giving him an uncomfortable look over, looking him up and down and grinning.
“I see that you finally decided that being baby-sat wasn’t for you. Our spies informed me that you had gone for a stroll, and I’m here to bring you back to your daddy.”
“Oh, are you? You’re such a good little lapdog, aren’t you? A real poodle,” Shigaraki retorted, having never liked this guy. It was a different kind of dislike than he had for Dabi. Dabi was scary, but this guy was…uncomfortable to be around. In a very different way.
“What did you do for them to release you? Fuck their boss? Did he fuck your little brains out?”
A flare of something dark and angry ignited within Shigaraki. Something strong and potent. Because oh had he not missed these kinds of remarks from All For One’s men. “I walked out. Simple as that.”
Muscular laughed, not believing it as the truth. “I bet they took turns, didn’t they? You always did look like a woman. I always wondered what you actually have down there… I bet you screamed and cried, but actually enjoyed it, because you always did seem like a tease. You’re just a slut, aren’t you?”
Blackness spread throughout Shigaraki. A black rage like no other. The urge to murder this man, the consequences losing all their meaning. A murder that Shigaraki would take great delight in. A murder that he could be glad of. A murder that would rid this world of an evil greater than himself.
“Always strutting around as if you meant a damn, as if you were untouchable just because your daddy runs our gang. When really you’ve never been nothing more than a coddled pretty little thing who will never be anything more than something to fuck. And the thing is that your oh so protective daddy said that I can use any means necessary to bring you back…” And he licked his lips, a disgusting monster showing his true colours. “He won’t even care if I spend my sweet time fucking you into the pavement until you scream my name.”
Shigaraki smiled, widely, and threw his head back as he laughed like a lunatic, beyond rage, beyond morality, beyond giving a damn about his own health. “Oh, if you think that I’ll be the one screaming then you’ve got another thing coming… I’m more than some ‘pretty little thing’, and you’re about to learn why All For One actually kept me around for so long. It seems that he needs a little reminder as well…” Death would be too easy, so he decided he’d take something else.
Before Muscular could formulate a reply, Shigaraki charged at him in a wild dash, driven by adrenaline and energy to burn after having been locked away for so long, and driven for his need to destroy something he despised. Muscular was huge, a titan, but all that muscle made him slow, so when he tried to grab Shigaraki, Shigaraki merely side-stepped before leaping on top of him like a jumping spider and without hesitance, he dug his fingers into an eye-socket and wrapped his fingers around Muscular’s eye, leaning back, using his weight to tear it out as he fell backwards, taking the eye along with him as Muscular howled, blood flying through the air.
Shigaraki giggled, not being able to help it, as he backed away, holding the eye in his hand and squishing it in front of Muscular who was too pained, shocked, and dumbfounded to do much of anything but clutch at his bleeding socket. And Shigaraki enjoyed every second of it, drinking in all the man’s agony and loving it.
“You little BITCH!” Muscular roared, reaching a bloodied hand behind him and taking a gun out, which must have been hidden in the waistband of his jeans.
Oh. Fuck.
Somehow guns weren’t something he had planned for in his frenzied state, and his bloody haze was bleeding away into fear.
Shigaraki reared back as Muscular shot at him rapidly, spraying the area in bullets, hindered by losing half of his sight, but managing to land a bullet in Shigaraki’s side, the opposite side to the knife wound. And he shot Shigaraki in a knee, stopping him from dodging, and making him slip.
The spray of bullets stopped after that, and realisation hit Shigaraki. He rolled over and got into a crouch, all too aware of the fact that Muscular was stomping towards him, rage on his face, but triumph as well as Shigaraki’s knee and side dribbled out blood. With an injured knee, what Shigaraki could do was limited, but if his own health meant zilch then being careful didn’t matter. He’d truly rather die than let Muscular do whatever he wanted to him.
But rather than give Shigaraki much of a chance, Muscular raised the gun and fired into Shigaraki’s shoulder, making him cry out in pain, and Muscular laughed and seemed to get sick satisfaction out of it. And not the usual kind.
He grabbed Shigaraki by the neck, and carried him over to a wall and shoved Shigaraki’s back against it. He moved his hands so that he held Shigaraki by the shoulders against the wall, and then he moved his disgusting head to Shigaraki’s neck before licking it, and the repulsion that Shigaraki felt was so immense that he could hardly figure out what to do, his mind working overtime, so overwhelmingly disgusted with what was happening.
And then Shigaraki reacted on instinct—he reared his head forward and took Muscular’s entire ear by his teeth, and then threw his head back so abruptly, and using so much force chomping down, that he tore the ear clean off. And spat it out.
Muscular roared out like a wounded cow and Shigaraki slipped out of his hold, using the shock to his advantage, and sprinted away from him, the threat of being vulnerable to Muscular again enough to keep the pain of his injuries from stopping him as he ran.
He was aware that he was losing a lot of blood, and aware that he could get shot in the back, but All For One would want him alive, so he doubted that he would be shot in the head or anywhere too critical. And he realised, even in his crazed state, that he was heading back towards the house. And he didn’t realise it because the area was familiar, but because an angry-looking Dabi was further down, and Shigaraki stopped. Chisaki was with Dabi, looking almost as mad, and some of Chisaki’s men were with them.
Shigaraki tensed up, hearing Muscular’s boots on the pavement. And he felt boxed in. The only directions to go were backwards towards Muscular or forwards, into the clutches of the Shie Hassaikai, and of Dabi who would no doubt one day lead to the painful death of Shigaraki. If not right here and now, as Dabi had more than enough reason to end Shigaraki now. He was weakened, so Dabi could enact his revenge against All For One through him.
And for once in his life Shigaraki wanted to cry. His fate was gruesome either way. There wasn’t a third option. He had no weapons on him so he couldn’t even try a third option. He had his teeth and nails and his will to survive, but would that be enough against a freak like Muscular or a madman like Dabi?
What could he do? What choice did he even have?
He was going to be punished by the Shie Hassaikai. Or punished by All For One. Was having Chisaki dissect him worse than All For One shoving Shigaraki into a pitch-black shipping container without food or water for days on end worse? That wasn’t the only creative punishment that All For One had up his sleeve. But it was one that sent chills down Shigaraki’s spine just thinking about it.
Men in the darkness. Which was the worst group of men in the darkness?
At least Shigaraki understood All For One. He couldn’t begin to comprehend Dabi.
Shigaraki clutched his head. It pounded, and he wanted to scream. He couldn’t decide. Death would be quicker and easier but he wanted to live. He had to live, for Magne’s sake. She needed her and he’d be damned if he’d die without seeing her again.
He bolted when he heard Muscular getting way too close behind him—he bolted towards the Shie Hassaikai, regretting it, but feeling like he’d vomit if he had to be near Muscular ever again. As a group, they moved to meet Shigaraki, and they let him pass and Shigaraki got behind them as they confronted Muscular, and Shigaraki sat on the ground, (though it was more like he had collapsed and had made it look voluntary).
The world seemed to be a blur of sound and colour. He didn’t want to be conscious. Didn’t want to deal with anything. Wanted to be numb. Wanted to forget. Wanted to scream. Wanted to destroy. Wanted to cry. Wanted to die.
Blue overwhelmed his senses.
Not the blue of the sky. Not the blue of the sea. A cold icy blue. A bitter blue. A blue that was all-consuming. The blue eyes of a killer—the blue eyes of Dabi, who was kneeling in front of him, watching him carefully. Analysing. Searching for something in Shigaraki’s expression with scary focus. But those blue eyes moved about, narrowing, furious and enraged, and Shigaraki thought that Dabi was going to kill him then and there, as he wanted to.
Dabi didn’t do that. Nor did he hit him. And when Shigaraki flinched when Dabi brought a hand up towards his face, Dabi paused, expression going blank. And he dropped his hand down. Had he been about to choke Shigaraki but had decided not to?
Shigaraki felt tired. He grabbed onto that feeling. He let it dull his senses. He ignored whatever was said to him. Ignored his own name being called.
He slipped away.
*
“It amazes me that you’d rather be here than hunting that man down. It’s so unlike you.”
“…”
“Rather than give chase and melt his face off, you stayed. It intrigues me is all I’m saying. You stayed by his side, and would hardly let me touch him, and did give one of my men a black-eye for getting too close. Does this behaviour not seem strange to you?”
“Keep talking and you’ll be a roasted turkey.”
“Dabi… This kind of thing is delicate. It makes no sense. I don’t know what goes on in your little world, but do you get that this kind of thing could lead to your own quick demise? How it looks to other people? I hope that only I’ve noticed but he really is a loose end for you. Something unlike everything else about you. Something different in your little world.”
“I just…” There was a shuddering intake of breath. “Just… Leave me alone. I’ll watch him.”
“If this carries on like this then what outcome do you even expect?”
“For fuck’s sake fuck off!”
“…Fine. I’ll let you cool off, but I have to operate on him again later. And if you throw another fit about me touching him for purely medical purposes than I’ll shove the strongest sleeping tablets I can find down your throat.”
There was the sound of a door opening then closing. Then silence, save for breathing. The kind of breathing of someone trying to calm down.
Shigaraki’s eyes fluttered open, confused on where he was and what was going on. He felt horrible so he didn’t sit up. He lay still. So much of his body hurt. He felt scared. He didn’t want to be here, and he didn’t want to feel so much pain.
He sniffled, not being able to help it. Tensing up when the breathing quietened.
Then Dabi appeared, leaning over him. His eyes were reddened and weary as if he hadn’t slept for twenty-four hours or much longer. “Shigaraki…”
“If you’re gonna kill me…then do it now,” Shigaraki said, his words slurring and voice sounding scratchy.
Dabi looked concerned and confused, which made no sense. “…The fuck?”
“Sick of waiting for you to man up and do it.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking up. How much drugs are you pumped up on?”
“Your revenge on All For One.”
“…Yeah? I’m gonna fry him but how does that involve you?”
“I’m his son?”
“I’m aware,” Dabi replied slowly, beyond confused now.
“Wait… Are you not wanting to kill me now or in the future?”
“Why the fuck would I wait? I could do it right now. I mean sure I guess I threatened you but did you think I was serious? I don’t want to kill you, Shigaraki. I don’t have an elaborate plan to do that in the near future. If I did I would literally admit it. All For One knows I want him dead! Like do you take me for a guy that cares to conceal my intentions?”
“…I’m so confused.”
“Yes, clearly. Doesn’t help that you’re a bit high on whatever Chisaki gave you. I swear that your status as All For One’s son doesn’t matter to me. Not in my hatred for him and his gang.”
“But I am a part of his gang.”
Dabi dragged a hand down his own face wearily. “I know. God, you’re so annoying when you’re drugged up! I’m fucking saying that I will not be killing you now or in the future! Get that into your thick skull!” And he seemed pretty worked up. It was strange to see him so frustrated.
“But…your deal to Chisaki makes no sense. Did he lie to me? Why would my safety matter if you didn’t want to personally get revenge on me?”
Dabi looked livid. “He told you?!”
“I promised him the culprit of my stab wound. Fair deal.”
“I… Huh? Then you weren’t stabbed on the street? I didn’t believe that story for a second.”
“Nope! Dad did it!”
Dabi’s features darkened, a storm brewing in his eyes. “Oh? He did, did he?”
“Yeah! It fucking hurt!” Maybe the drugs really were making him loopy. He felt like he just had to admit everything. Like his impulse-control had been shot. “I don’t understand you! Like if you don’t want me dead then explain your deal!”
“If we’re going to talk about it then you need to not be all crazy. Not that I’m promising anything since I doubt you’ll remember any of this anyway so I don’t know why I’m bothering to suggest it.”
“Fine, be a bitch. Where’s Chisaki? I can feel the bullet holes in me and I want to be even higher than a kite rather than deal with this bullshit! Getting shot hurts!”
“Geez, you sound like an addict. But fine, I’ll go get him and see if he can up your pain meds.”
And it turned out that doing just that was a bad idea, because Chisaki did indeed up the dosage (which he assured Dabi was safe, and no Shigaraki wasn’t going to die from an overdose because yes he indeed knew what wouldn’t and what would kill Shigaraki). It was a bad idea because Shigaraki had less control over his words than usual, and dribbled out words that he didn’t mean to say. So many fucking words and they escaped out of him like little flittering birds.
“Chisaki, your eyes are so fucking pretty,” Shigaraki sighed out, as Chisaki stood over him and examined his injuries, with Dabi hovering behind him and looking more than a little peeved. “Like…so damn pretty. Like what the fuck? Why are you so pretty?”
Chisaki sighed and rolled his pretty eyes. “Funnily enough you’re not the first patient high on pain meds to tell me that. And while I do appreciate the compliments, I’m kind of just doing my job. I don’t look pretty for anyone but myself.”
“Magne says your personality is ugly as fuck though, so you being pretty balances it out.”
“Mmhmm, keep insulting the one who has a scalpel on him… Go right ahead. Oh my God—Dabi, stop trying to melt me with your eyes. Not everything is about you and your problems. Well, baggage. You seriously should think about anger-management classes.”
“…Fuck you.”
“Shigaraki, do you see what I have to deal with? Well, no matter. Do you feel any pain now? That ugly brute did a number on you, but I did see what you did to him and I’m impressed. An ear and an eye? Beautiful work! Though it wasn’t anywhere near as elegant as I would have done it, but he’s bound to get an infection and drop dead so I suppose your vicious ways have an upside.”
“He called me a tease, and a slut.”
Chisaki brought a hand up to his mouth, taken aback, and seemed to try and stifle laughter, but he couldn’t hide it. Shigaraki had never heard him laugh in a way that wasn’t a mean snicker, and he liked Chisaki’s laugh. Dabi looked surprised as well. “H-He called you a slut? Oh my, what on earth did you do to deserve such language?” Chisaki shook his head, able to put back up his mask of indifference.
“Existing. He implied some gross things about me. That I’m a whore, basically. No shade to sex workers but I’ve literally never slept around with anyone, let alone old men that are old enough to be twice, if not three times my age. I’d rather kill people than do that. But like he seemed to think that I’ve been leading people on? And I don’t get it? Name one time that I’ve done that! Dabi, name one!”
Chisaki turned to Dabi, who looked conflicted. “Yes, Dabi, has Shigaraki ever acted like a slut in front of you? Answer this question honestly.”
“Huh? Sorry, I kinda zoned out…” His teeth were gritted, and he was glaring at a wall. “But no, he’s never been like that. Anyone who thinks anything else… Well…”
Chisaki shrugged. “Well, there you have it! The proof says that you’re not a slut, Shigaraki. Congratulations!”
“What even happened to Muscular?”
“He got away. We were more focused on your safety than giving chase, and he could have led us into an ambush. So we’ve relocated,” Chisaki replied before getting back to work on Shigaraki. “Trust me when I say that I wished for his death then and there, but stealing your kill wouldn’t have been satisfying. If anyone deserves to end his life, then it’s you. Right, Dabi?”
“Sure…”
“Oh cheer up! Shigaraki would have been mad if you reacted differently!”
“Fuck, I chipped my nails,” Shigaraki said distractedly, bringing his red nails up to his face. “Magne is gonna be so disappointed. She worked so long on them.”
“Really, that’s what you’re concerned about?” Chisaki asked, mockingly.
Shigaraki grunted out a reply, then slipped off to sleep, suddenly so tired.
He kept drifting in and out, sure that he spoke a few times.
When he was finally lucid, his body felt less painful, and he had a big headache and could hardly remember much of anything after he had dealt with Muscular. But his wounds told him all he needed to know.
And the fact that he was a prisoner again, and this time he had less of a chance to escape.
Not only that, but he was actually in the Shie Hassaikai’s main base of operations, with tight security, where the head of the yakuza group lived. And knowing that made him regret having stupidly tried to escape the first time.
*
The head of the Shie Hassaikai visited Shigaraki one day, interrupting Chisaki who had been tending to his wounds. Chisaki had looked irritated by the interruption, but had backed away, and had kept quiet as his father had walked over to Shigaraki’s bedside.
“Tomura Shigaraki, it is nice to finally meet you,” the man said neutrally. “Even if it is under these circumstances.”
“Nice to meet you too, sir,” Shigaraki said, knowing how to be pleasant when he had to be.
“Your father has been putting up a fuss in your absence, which is bad for business, disrupting our operations and trying to rattle our cage. The damages he’s caused have been expensive, but not enough to topple our organisation. Even so, needlessly using our funds to solve problems that can easily be solved with negotiation is…tedious work. And he refuses to agree to our terms.”
Shigaraki winced, feeling as if he was going to get shot here and now, to punish All For One. Disrespecting the yakuza so severely was a bold yet stupid move.
“But, there’s good news as well. He has agreed to…pay off some of the damages, in exchange for your life. You’ll be a free bird soon, though I must warn you that we as an organisation can’t exactly forgive all that he has done, and the lives he has taken away. So the peaceful period won’t last. I recommend getting out of the city as soon as you can, because you won’t be immune in the crossfire—you’ll be a target.”
“I-I…” Shigaraki nodded, swallowing. “I understand, sir.”
“Glad that you’re more open than your father about these things. It is a shame that you were adopted by him instead of one of us. Perhaps you could have been Chisaki’s brother, whom I adopted myself. But there’s no need to think of what could have been. It’d just make it harder when we are to be at war again.” And then with that, he left.
Chisaki, who looked a bit ruffled, went back to tending to Shigaraki, and didn’t say anything.
“A part of me hopes that my father will be killed in the war. Is that horrible?” Shigaraki asked, watching Chisaki’s face closely.
Chisaki didn’t look at him, brow furrowing. “Not really.”
“Kill me quickly if we end up facing each other on the battlefield, Chisaki. I know that you know all the vital points, and you know how to shoot. Make it quick.”
Chisaki sighed, and finally looked at him. “The deal makes it so that I wouldn’t be able to.”
“Fuck your deal! Just do it quietly and don’t tell Dabi if it matters so much, I don’t care! I-I…don’t want to be captured and tortured. Death is better than that. Anything but that!”
“…You should really talk to Dabi, before you leave. A long talk. Don’t let him be vague. You might not get a chance once you go back. Don’t miss your chance to understand him. You might be the only person that can.”
For the rest of the evening, they kept quiet, both having a lot to think about.
And Shigaraki didn’t mention that he hadn’t specified that by torture, he hadn’t exactly meant the Shie Hassaikai.
*
“…I’m leaving soon,” Shigaraki said, quietly.
The two stood on a balcony, with a long drop below, so there wasn’t the concern of Shigaraki using it to escape. And Dabi had sent his guards away, who were probably close by, but not too close, for they had seemed frightened of the glare that Dabi had sent them. In general, the yakuza seemed to avoid Dabi, terrified of him. Unlike Chisaki.
It turned out that Dabi often stood up here. There was an ashtray, but Dabi didn’t smell of cigarette smoke, and Chisaki had said that Dabi didn’t smoke at all. Back in All For One’s gang, he had smoked. Why had he stopped? An unhinged guy like him had practically chain-smoked them.
“I know…”
Dabi didn’t look at him, instead he leaned on the side of the balcony, his arms folded on it, head tipped back a little to look at the stars above.
Cars raced across the streets below, as did people, who looked like ants from up here, and all the lights were blurred.
Shigaraki moved to stand next to Dabi. A distance between them. Shigaraki felt cold, but knew better than to seek warmth from another. If they weren’t Magne then there was no way that he would go near them for such a thing. Magne was safe, Dabi wasn’t.
“Tell me, why did you quit smoking? You were an addict. You never seemed to stop smelling like cigarettes.”
Dabi chuckled, and grinned, eyes still fixed on the stars. “You just answered your own question.”
“Smokers don’t really hate the smell.”
“No.” Then his head turned, as his too blue eyes slowly trailed over to meet Shigaraki’s. “But you did.”
“I…” That was true, but… “Why…did it matter, that I hated the smell?”
Dabi looked away, and didn’t say anything. He wasn’t smiling anymore.
So Shigaraki continued on, as if given all he needed to figure something out. “You’d tease me when I’d cover my nose and mouth when you smoked, and when I’d move away. And…you seem as if you relied a lot on the nicotine. Even now, I’m surprised you haven’t gone back to it.”
“It was hard, but Chisaki is an expert on knocking addictions. It helped that he hates smokers too, since yakuza tend to do it a lot, and he has to sit in meetings where so many of them do it. Made him hate the smell instead of getting addicted himself. Ha, wish I could relate. I went the opposite route, since All For One’s men chain-smoked as well in meetings. So, we tried a lot of different things. Gum, toothpicks, flavoured toothpicks, patches, even lollipops. See, it helps to do any of those things when you feel like a smoke. He said it was something to do with having the same feeling of holding something to your lips or some shit. I can’t explain as well as he can, but basically substituting the cigs out for something else worked for me.
“I had a few relapses, of course. I loved smoking, loved puffing out the smoke as if I was on fire inside. Even tried vaping but ditched that too. It can be just as dangerous as smoking, not that I give a shit about my lungs. Don’t care what fucks me up, you know?”
“But… You still quit?”
“Yeah. Wasn’t out of concern for my health, or Chisaki’s, with him being a health nut. I mean, the guy even made me a diet plan! Can you believe that? But like, one that doesn’t suck. The guy is annoying but he knows his shit. But yeah, now I don’t reek of smoke. Well, not cig smoke at least. Body-spray never completely covers up cig smoke, Chisaki oh so helpfully informed me. Neither does perfume. Doesn’t matter how much you put on. When I’d breathe out after a smoke break the smell would remain, so if we were having dinner together he wouldn’t even sit next to me and would curse at me for ‘stinking up the air’ while trying to eat with the smell hanging around.”
The idea of Dabi quitting out of…consideration for others hating the smell was so insane, and so unlike the Dabi he knew, that it was hard to believe.
“And you said… I had something to do with it?”
Dabi let out a sigh, and then scratched the back of his neck, still not looking at Shigaraki. “You hated it, a lot. You didn’t act as if you did to spite me, and I never blew any cig smoke at you. You genuinely couldn’t stand the stench of it. I could tell.”
“Why would my discomfort even matter? We hated—hate each other.”
Dabi sighed out. “…Why indeed. But maybe, just maybe, I didn’t hate you as much as you thought. Enough for me to…not want to smell unpleasant. Do you…follow with what I’m saying? It’s hard to tell sometimes. You don’t always seem to understand certain things. Not your fault, though.”
“That…maybe you considered me to be a friend. Even though we didn’t get along?”
“Ha, well…” Dabi shook his head, rolling his eyes.
“Like how you and Chisaki are friends, even though you two act like you aren’t. But you actually are. Is that what you mean?”
Dabi sighed again, and this time it was longer, then he rubbed at his eyes as if he were weary. Then he turned to Shigaraki, with his full body, and looked down at him, with eyes that practically said, ‘not quite, you’re being slow.’
It wasn’t Shigaraki’s fault that some social things seemed foreign to him. He didn’t always get things if they weren’t explained or clear. Implications were something he could struggle with.
“I’m not really sure how to explain this. Like, actions would be easier than words in this situation, but with you I can’t just do that. I can’t. I… If I were to do that, with you not realising what I mean, with you not trusting me, then it won’t work out. I guess it never will, no matter what I do.”
“You’re making no sense.”
Dabi huffed, and glared, but it lacked heat. “I know. This is…not something easy to talk about. I wouldn’t bother, usually, because what’s the point? But you’re leaving soon and… Even now, with you being a hostage, now isn’t even appropriate. But if I wait, and if I really never see you again then…” He slowly raised a hand out, and Shigaraki flinched, but didn’t move back. But that flinch made Dabi drop his hand, with a look that practically read that Dabi had expected it. “This is why… We… This is so difficult for me. You have no idea. We’re no good for each other.”
What does that mean? Somehow, it hurts to hear it…
“But… If you’re friends with Chisaki then… We can be friends too, if you want. If you’re being honest. You seem genuine, and I’ll just strangle you to death if you’re not. Why wouldn’t friendship work out between us?”
Dabi looked close to pushing him off of the roof, as if he was being an idiot. But he didn’t. “That’s…not what I meant. Are you being obtuse on purpose now? Because at this point I’m questioning your sanity. Because even you can’t be this oblivious, can you? Chisaki always teases me about it, and says it’s so obvious to anyone who has eyes.”
A part of Shigaraki whispered that maybe he did know what Dabi had meant. The entire. Time. Had known, but had buried it. Because the concept that anyone, especially someone like Dabi, could feel…so strongly, about Shigaraki, seemed so impossible. And how could it be Dabi, who was a monster, see anything within him that he wanted? There was nothing appealing about Shigaraki. Nothing but decay and ash.
Dabi had quit smoking for him.
Dabi had killed men who had mocked Shigaraki’s appearance.
Dabi had not burned Shigaraki even once.
Dabi had made a deal to protect Shigaraki from the yakuza.
Dabi, who was staring at Shigaraki with apprehension, as if he could see the gears turning in Shigaraki’s head.
“You want to fuck me,” Shigaraki said, accusingly, horrified.
Dabi swore and rolled his eyes, beyond frustrated. “No, idiot, I fucking love you, you prick! If it was just about sex then I can hire someone for that, you know? It’s like you jump to the wrong conclusions on purpose! You don’t trust me at all, and that sucks, but I’d rather set myself on fire than lie about this. Fuck, you drive me crazy! You always have! So crazy, that being around you made me too jumpy. Too violent. I was losing my mind, wanting to tear apart all the scumbags who’d eye you in All For One’s gang. And then I snapped, and finally did. I had to leave, because I was afraid of what I’d do if I stayed around, stayed near you. I hated myself, I hated you, or at least I tried to rationalise it as hate. I was a coward.”
Hearing that Dabi ‘loved him’ was worse than hearing that Dabi just wanted to ‘fuck him’. He wanted it to be a purely physical attraction that Dabi had for him, because to bring love into this was…
Shigaraki was unlovable. He didn’t deserve it.
“I was so afraid of you, still am, because if I lash out, then I’d hurt you, and I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. Anger issues seem to run in the family,” Dabi said bitterly. “It’s horrible to love someone so strongly, who you can’t even touch, can’t even pursue. And it isn’t even your fault. I can be violent, I’ve killed for petty reasons, and I do get wrapped up in my violent impulses. As if a fog covers my mind, and I go into a blind rage sometimes. It was getting worse, so of course I had to leave. One day you might have accidentally been caught in the crossfire.”
Except that an outlier rang in Shigaraki’s mind. A little fact that didn’t match up. And he moved closer to Dabi, still freaked out inwardly, but wanted Dabi to understand something.
“There’s a contradiction,” Shigaraki mumbled, taking in the fact that Dabi leaned away from him, but was trapped with his back against the edge of the balcony, with Shigaraki in front of him. Not too close, but closer than before. And Dabi did look afraid. Afraid of Shigaraki. “Remember in that warehouse, when you shot all those guys? I was the last one left. You didn’t shoot me in your frenzy—you recognised me quickly, and hesitated enough to make sure that it was me. You stopped.”
“Yeah, but—”
“And the next time we met, you must have been high on bloodlust then too, shooting so many of All For One’s men. You never shot me. Not even after. You’re capable of pulling yourself out of it, capable of recognising me.”
“That’s only twice! Because if it gets really intense then—”
“I’ll pull you out of it. If you truly believe that you can kill me as easily as you killed those men, then you’re joking,” Shigaraki said, with a grin.
Everything was out in the open now. He couldn’t pretend that Dabi wasn’t being serious anymore.
Shigaraki needed time to process it all, that was to be sure, but they didn’t have time. And he felt as if his own death was fast approaching. Not because of the war.
He didn’t mention that. Didn’t want Dabi to lose his head. Because Shigaraki felt…a small little thing in his chest. An oddly protective kind of feeling. A warm one. Did Dabi feel like this all the time? But more intense? No wonder why it had made him go crazy.
Shigaraki didn’t understand why Dabi loved him, but he didn’t have to understand. It was the truth.
Shigaraki didn’t even know if he was capable of such a thing himself.
“I’m not fragile, you know? You shouldn’t be afraid of me. Shouldn’t be afraid of hurting me,” Shigaraki said lowly, and curiously reached a hand out, which Dabi watched with critical focus. “I won’t shatter like glass. I’ve been hurt before,” he continued, and ran his fingers along Dabi’s jaw, who leaned into the touch, so obviously touch-starved, even if he looked hesitant and guilty.
“Y-You deserve to be cherished,” Dabi insisted, quietly. His fingers twitched, but he kept his arms away from Shigaraki, as far away as they could go. “You probably don’t feel like you deserve it, but you do. Treated softly. Doesn’t matter what you’ve done. And I’m not… I don’t think I’m capable of being soft. These hands can’t… They can’t hold you, without hurting you. I’d rather die than do that to you.”
Shigaraki chuckled at Dabi’s fierce confession, and he actually felt flattered. So much so, that his hands reached down, and grasped onto Dabi’s wrists, and found it fascinating that Dabi was shaking. Subtly. But Shigaraki was doing the same.
So Shigaraki moved his wrists, as if playing with a puppet, and placed Dabi’s hands on Shigaraki’s chest. “Huh, you can feel my heartbeat without burning my heart, imagine that,” Shigaraki joked, before moving Dabi’s hands to Shigaraki’s sides, above his hips. Shigaraki couldn’t handle them being lower. Then he let go of Dabi’s wrists, and grinned when the hands stayed there.
He looked back at Dabi’s face, who looked visibly upset, very terrified. So Shigaraki sighed. “Look, Dabi, you can touch me without me getting hurt. Your fear is pretty irrational, but I can’t blame you. I have a lot of issues, too. If it makes you feel any better, I can be touched if I’m asked where. There are places I can’t stand others touching. If you know my boundaries, then how could you hurt me? And I initiated the contact, which makes me feel in control. If I’m not in control, then that’s when I’ll freak out. It’s not so much that intimacy scares me, it’s the fact that I can’t stand my boundaries being invaded. Child abuse can do that to you.”
Dabi seemed to relax a little. “On that, I can unfortunately relate. It’s…my dad that me so afraid, I think. And when I showed signs of being violent too…I couldn’t stand it. That I share a trait of his. Used to share his hair colour too until… Well… He was abusive. To everyone. In different ways. Married my mother for wealth and power. Never loved her. So I guess…it makes sense that love terrifies me so much. I don’t understand it, and I never had proof that it was a real concept. That people don’t marry for money…”
“Did he…burn you?”
“No,” Dabi said, chuckling darkly. “Actually, I was…kidnapped. I’m the oldest son, so I was the prime target in hostage situations. But the thing is, by then, he had other children, and loved the youngest son more than the rest of us. So much so that…he just didn’t show up to give my kidnappers the money they had asked for. And since fire is a symbol in my family, as a mockery, they tortured me by burning me. To forever mark me, to spite my father. I was let go, because no one saved me. But I never went back to my family. How could I face them, all disfigured? The family that had abandoned me. I could have been killed.
“A new me was born from those flames. And I went after those kidnappers when I got older, when I learnt how to fight and use fire for myself. I tortured them, the same way they had tortured me. Except that I didn’t make the same mistake that they had—I killed them. And I joined All For One’s gang after that. You know the rest.”
Shigaraki didn’t know what to say to all of that. So he said nothing at all. Instead, he brought his hands up to Dabi’s sorrowful face, and brushed his fingers gently along the cheeks, away from the burnt flesh. Dabi’s eyes closed, soothed by his touch.
Because Shigaraki was proving, not just to Dabi, that even awful men like them could be gentle.
The protective instinct within Shigaraki seemed to expand. So much so, that his chest felt tight, and he wanted to cry out of despair. But he didn’t. Because if he couldn’t be strong in front of Dabi, then maybe Dabi would break down too.
They were both broken, keeping it together just for the other.
“I… I was abused by my father, too. My biological one,” Shigaraki said suddenly, and Dabi’s eyes snapped open, considering him. Curious, but frowning, as if knowing where this was going. “Some of my scars…he did those. And my allergies. I was treated like a bad dog sometimes, chucked out into the rain and cold. I thought I deserved it, but I didn’t. I was just a kid. A good kid, but he always found a reason to try and justify his abuse. My family, too, didn’t step in. They should have. Just as yours should. But I don’t blame them. Mine were afraid. Too afraid to call child protection services.
“Then one night… A man showed up with more men. Killed my dad. I was glad. Glad, but afraid. I witnessed him being shot in the head. And the man who had done it turned his eyes on me, and decided to adopt me. T-Then…” Now Shigaraki did cry, not being able to help it, but continuing anyway, “H-He put a knife in my hands. I-It was so…big in my small hands. Told me to k-kill my sis and mother… I couldn’t. T-Then I did… His hands h-helped me. I didn’t…want to. B-But it didn’t feel real. It was…b-blurry. Sometimes I wonder if it wasn’t the trauma but…if I was injected with something. It broke me. I just… I eventually… I felt indebted to All For One. That he had saved me. I had no one else, and I had killed… There is no redemption for something like that.”
Dabi let out a shaky breath, and his hands twitched at Shigaraki’s sides, but he didn’t remove them. He seemed like he was going to cry, too. “You…You were just a kid though. You can’t blame yourself for something like that. Whether you were drugged, coerced, or not. What happened back then… It wasn’t your fault! The one to blame is All For One!”
Those words… Maybe Shigaraki had always wanted someone to say them. To tell him that he hadn’t been in the wrong. He had never even told Magne about his full past, as if to torture himself by not allowing anyone to tell him that it hadn’t been his fault. He had been punishing himself for so long, tethering himself to All For One because he had no one else.
But now he did.
“D-Dabi,” Shigaraki sighed out, relenting to his urges, as he collapsed in Dabi’s arms, burying his face into the crook of Dabi’s neck as if to hide from the world. “I wish…someone had told me that sooner. And things wouldn’t have turned out like this.”
Dabi held him, hesitantly, as if unsure if he was allowed. But when Shigaraki didn’t move away, he seemed more confident in himself, but still trembled a little. He at least rested his chin on the top of Shigaraki’s head, which made Shigaraki feel more stabilised, knowing that Dabi had him.
All the while knowing that Dabi couldn’t actually save him from All For One. But childishly, he pretended otherwise. At least for now, he could pretend like they could stay like this forever, and that this moment would never end.
But reality was far too cruel.
*
They had little time together, but even so, Shigaraki and Dabi took things slow. They spent a lot of time together, which Chisaki seemed to notice, but seemed too focused on other things to comment on. He seemed tense, not saying much when he worked on Shigaraki’s wounds.
Dabi told Shigaraki that Chisaki was, perhaps, actually worried. About what would happen after the hostage situation was over. That maybe he liked Shigaraki somewhat, and of course Chisaki wouldn’t be caught dead admitting to considering Shigaraki as a friend. Dabi seemed jealous of Chisaki, so much so that Shigaraki felt like an idiot for not being able to see Dabi’s love for Shigaraki sooner.
Even if Dabi did know Chisaki’s preferences (or lack of, as in none at all because they didn’t seem to exist), he still seemed irked by Chisaki being near Shigaraki. It was oddly cute, seeing Dabi actually pout, while Chisaki tended to Shigaraki’s wounds.
Dabi would usually calm down after Chisaki would leave, and when Shigaraki would initiate contact with him. Small touches, to Dabi’s face, and then hugging. And then to allowing Dabi to sleep next to him, and even hold him, giving Dabi so much trust that Dabi had seemed as if he’d explode from all the affection he was allowed to give.
As the day of Shigaraki’s release neared, the two were inseparable. To the point that one night, Shigaraki straddled Dabi, who seemed both unnerved and curious, and had told Dabi, “Do you think… You would allow me to…” Shigaraki sighed, face flushing. “Do I need to say it? Do…sexual things…with you? More sexual than… The hugging and kissing…”
The first time they had kissed, it had been on the balcony, with Shigaraki initiating it, and then they both had heard footsteps seconds in, and had sprung apart, acting all casual when Chisaki showed up, frowning at them as the two had pretended like they hadn’t been up to anything. Which had only made him scowl at them and ask them if they were high (they hadn’t been high on drugs, and admitting the truth had been too embarrassing). From then on, they were more careful about when and where they kissed.
Dabi gulped, face reddening immediately, any and all calm gone. “U-Uhh, fuck yeah?”
“You’d have to walk me through it,” Shigaraki said, a little embarrassed, about his lack of knowledge.
“Y-Yeah… About that…”
That’s when they both realised that both of them were virgins. Yes, even the great Dabi, was a virgin. And honestly, it made Shigaraki feel better. Comforted. So he wasn’t the only one new to it.
“Chisaki has a big library of health books. Gotta be some…ones about intercourse somewhere. Think he’ll disembowel me if I ask about condoms and lube?”
Shigaraki barked out a laugh, “Fuck, he’s totally going to fucking kill you if you do that! There’s no way that he has condoms and lube anywhere. But as for the rest of his men… Well, I’m sure you can convince someone to get what you need.”
When they did get what they needed, and read up on it (stealthily making extra sure that Chisaki didn’t notice any books going missing), they locked the door to the room they chose, Dabi’s own room within the base, and they made love to each other.
It wasn’t anything like movies portrayed it to be. Nor did they naturally know what to do, even after reading up on it. It had been very awkward. And afterwards, both of them groaned, knowing they’d have to shower and wash the sheets. Maybe Chisaki had a good enough reason to not be interested.
That didn’t stop the two from trying again. And it went a bit better, since they then knew what to do. Kind of.
Dabi never complained about Shigaraki staying in control during it all, and seemed perfectly happy to let Shigaraki pull him apart. And Dabi never lashed out, despite his paranoia about it, and instead really did treat Shigaraki so softly, with all gentle touches and kisses.
On the last night, they showered together after making love. They didn’t do anything sexual in the shower, and instead held each other, both nude, not wanting to let go as the water rained down. As the water washed away their tears.
Shigaraki was the one to spoon Dabi that night, and he didn’t sleep, listening to the calm breaths as Dabi slept.
His short blissful thing with Dabi could never have lasted. And he wished it didn’t have to end.
*
In the morning, Chisaki looked ready to deck someone. Not because he noticed the marks on Dabi, but because of some other reason which he didn’t bring up. He led Shigaraki, some men, and Dabi, to the agreed location of the exchange.
They arrived in a warehouse, where some of All For One’s men were, with a briefcase. Chisaki checked the briefcase, before returning to the group, and he stopped in front of Shigaraki, expression strained.
“You’re free,” he said.
Shigaraki felt choked up, but didn’t dare cry, but he did leap forward and wrapped his arms around Chisaki, laughing a little when he heard a huff from Dabi. “Thank you for taking care of me. Without you, I’d have probably got infected and had died ages ago,” he said, genuine.
Chisaki was tense in his arms, but did pat Shigaraki on the head, which was disappointing, but not surprising. “Just don’t ruin all my hard work by getting injured again.”
Shigaraki nodded, and let him go, and Chisaki looked relieved. “I’ll try not to, but knowing me…”
“Yes, you’re a little horror, I know. Go on, leave.” Chisaki turned away a little, but he did seem actually a bit upset. Shigaraki could only tell because he had learnt how to read him, even if not by much. Disappointed, that Shigaraki had to go at all.
Shigaraki turned to Dabi, who was tense, and looked mad to outsiders, but Shigaraki knew that Dabi was just trying to keep himself under control. To not go and attack All For One’s men. “Dabi… Take care of yourself. We might cross paths again, and wouldn’t that be a fun time?”
‘Might cross paths’.
Because, when Shigaraki returned to All For One…
Dabi grinned, and it hurt that Shigaraki was lying to him. And Dabi wouldn’t even realise it until it was too late. “Yeah… I’ll give you a show of just how skilled of an arsonist I am. I’ll be sure to demonstrate, real soon.”
They didn’t touch, didn’t kiss, not with others around. They couldn’t know that these two cared about each other so immensely. It’d just be used against them.
“…I’m looking forward to it.”
After that, Shigaraki left with All For One’s men, and his heart raced. The world seemed to blur, as Shigaraki’s heart seemed to be missing, left with Dabi.
Reality slapped him in the face when All For One loomed over him, a hand raised.
Pain was all Shigaraki could focus on from then on.
Pain, because how else was Shigaraki meant to learn?
Pain, because it was Shigaraki’s fault that the gang was weakening.
Pain, because how else could a father punish their naughty child?
Pain enveloped him.
As did the dark.
The dark of a shipping container, that he couldn’t escape.
Nights of starvation, of shivering, of scratching away at his skin until it was bloody and raw.
When he was allowed out, Muscular was the one to drag him out. To play with him.
Shigaraki didn’t even remember killing him, but one moment Muscular was there, and the next Shigaraki was drenched in blood, looking down at the torn body of Muscular. A body that Shigaraki kicked and punched and screamed at, then laughed, brokenly.
He was punished for that.
More pain.
The dark.
Hunger.
Pain.
Dark.
Hunger.
PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN. I didn’t mean to. PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN. It hurts so much. PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN. Please make it stop. PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN. Maybe I deserve it. PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN. I’ll die here. PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN.
Then.
A light.
Door open.
Outside?
Smoke.
Soft touch.
Blue eyes.
…Dabi?
*
Shigaraki wasn’t sure how much time passed since the last time he had been lucid, and functional enough to bathe himself. To go to the bathroom, without help. Without hands to steady him.
He had to relearn a lot of things. Had to be reminded of why showering was something he should even do. As was brushing his teeth, as was eating without doing it in a frenzy, as if it would be taken away if he didn’t consume it fast enough.
He growled at Chisaki a lot, at first. Growled because Chisaki wasn’t Dabi, and only Dabi could help Shigaraki.
Didn’t ever growl at Magne, though. Liked Magne. But Magne also wasn’t Dabi.
When Dabi was around, Shigaraki felt more stable. He would sometimes fall apart when Dabi was out, but Chisaki was always patient when Shigaraki threw tantrums.
And then, slowly, Shigaraki became lucid again.
He was able to take care of himself. Was able to speak.
And yet, he feared the dark if Dabi wasn’t there beside him. So they got him a nightlight.
Other people made Shigaraki anxious. People who weren’t Magne, Chisaki, and Dabi, were bad people. So Shigaraki didn’t like going out, but he had to, in order to get better.
When Shigaraki was functional enough to actually think without his brain wandering, he looked at himself in the mirror. And his reflection had so many scars that he wasn’t sure how Dabi could stand looking at him. And his hair was very white. Dabi seemed to love it, but the white wasn’t natural, was it?
“It’s rare, but high stress can do that,” Chisaki told him one day, while folding clothes as he took them down from the hanging line they had. “Magne will dye it for you if it bothers you. She’s good at that.”
Shigaraki shook his head, and when he seemed as if he was about to bite his nails, Chisaki placed the folded clothes into his twitching hands.
“Go put those away for me, would you?”
Shigaraki did. Noting how weirdly domestic it felt.
So when he went back to Chisaki, he bit the bullet and said, “…Dabi said that…you actually left the Shie Hassaikai. Why?”
Chisaki looked irritated, hating prying, but allowed it. “Just like Dabi, I get sick of my talents being wasted. I wanted to focus on the medical field, not with business meetings and violence.”
“All the…smoking got to you, then?” Shigaraki asked with a smirk.
Chisaki allowed himself to laugh a little. “Ha, so Dabi told you about all that? I suppose the smoking had a little to do with it… Ahh, to work in somewhere sanitary… What a paradise that’s going to be for me.”
Dabi chose that moment to walk in, with a wide grin on his face. “I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation… And the fact that Shigaraki totally had nothing to do with you quitting, because, gasp, you care about him?”
Instead of denying it, Chisaki shot back, “I’m surprised you can even say that without losing your cool, being the king of petty jealousy and all…”
“Ooh, low blow! Except that I’ve gotten better with that.”
“Uh-huh,” Chisaki said, slowly, as he eyed Dabi slinging an arm around Shigaraki’s shoulders. “I can see that…”
“I… Thank you,” Shigaraki murmured, drawing their attention. “For saving me. For helping me recover. I can’t repay you guys. It’d never be enough to…”
“Repay us by never going back to All For One,” Chisaki retorted, earning a glare from Dabi for saying the name at all.
“B-But…”
“I can’t lose you again, Shigaraki. I should have never let you go the first time. If we hadn’t been paranoid out of our minds about ya, and told by Magne that she hadn’t seen you at all when you went back… You might not have lived,” Dabi said, upset about what could have been.
“I want to go back,” Shigaraki said, firmly, glancing at them both with determination. “To kill my father—to kill All For One. I want revenge, and I want help. I can’t do it on my own.”
Chisaki’s eyes gleamed with malicious glee. “Oh? I suppose then I can make an exception…”
“I’m so fucking in love with you right now,” Dabi muttered, smooching Shigaraki.
“Please keep the PDA away from my eyes! Disgusting!”
It turned out that there was an upside to being open about their relationship: purely to torture Chisaki (who had likely known all along when they had gotten together, much to his own despair).
*
The four of them sat at the table of their shared apartment, with guns and Molotov cocktails on the kitchen table. A plan in their minds, and with the reward being the death of a wicked man. A man whose gang was breaking more and more with each day, with the Shie Hassaikai not relenting in their onslaught, having even ramped it up more after Chisaki’s departure from the yakuza. Perhaps it was his dad’s parting gift to Chisaki, as he had left on good terms, with his dad allowing Chisaki to pursue his dreams in the medical field, and with the promise of a home to return to if Chisaki changed his mind.
Whatever the case, now was the perfect time to strike.
*
Chisaki used a few shady connections within the yakuza to trick All For One into thinking he’d found out about a few ‘secret’ warehouses of the Shie Hassaikai, so he sent his men out.
Magne happened to call the cops on those men, playing the concerned citizen, acting as if she was worried that some nasty men were breaking and entering. And it helped that those particular warehouses happened to be owned by a few high profile celebrities… Celebrities with cops in their pockets. So of course the cops struck out, and rained down on the men like angry bees.
In the meantime, Shigaraki and Dabi made their way into All For One’s base, which was very empty, with so many having been killed in the war with the Shie Hassaikai, with most of the remaining ones sent out to secure those warehouses, a last ditch attempt to gain the upper hand. A fruitless one.
Shigaraki made quick work of the very few that stayed, with Dabi backing him up when needed. In perfect sync, they managed to fight their way to All For One’s office.
They kicked the double doors in, and All For One, holding a bottle of booze, looked up, startled, flinching when the doors hit the walls as they swung. And when he recognised Shigaraki, he trembled, knowing what was about to happen. So he reached into his desk—BANG! Dabi shot his hand, and grinned widely, showing his teeth, when All For One howled in pain.
“S-Shigaraki, T-Tomura…my s-son,” All For One whimpered out, with blood splurging out of his hand.
“Tenko Shimura. It was the name you stole from me, the boy’s life you took for your own. You made him kill his mother and his sister so that he would feel indebted to you. Tomura Shigaraki is the name you wrote over that one, and you made Tenko into a monster. But guess what? Tenko was never a monster—it was all you. He became one on his own, and now I’m reclaiming him. He’s who I was, and who I will be again. Shigaraki was your puppet, but he isn’t me. I stopped being loyal to you a long time ago. Maybe I never was… I was just afraid. A sad kid, with nothing but ashes around him. And with you gone, there’s no need to be afraid anymore. I truly am an adult now,” Tenko said with a twisted smile. “Aren’t you proud of me?” he asked, as he raised his gun, pointing it at All For One. A gift from Dabi.
“My s-son, please don’t—I’m your f-father! I did it a-all for you!”
“You were my kidnapper, nothing more. Die.” He fired, hitting All For One in the chest, who spluttered, but he wasn’t dead yet. A vital hadn’t been hit. “Dabi, cook him,” Tenko commanded.
Dabi, who was leering like a maniacal demon, practically purred out, “My pleasure...” Then he lit their last remaining Molotov cocktail, and he chucked it, roaring with laughter when it smashed against All For One’s chest, and ate away at him, the raging flames growing fast, as if hungry to consume flesh and bone.
They watched the flames, listened to the strangled dying screams of a man in agony, and held hands as they watched the show.
For the first time, Tenko didn’t feel scared. He felt like a wounded bird who had finally escaped the bars of his cage. And through fire, through Dabi’s flames, he was finally healing from his past. And looked forward to the future, no longer thinking that it was bleak and paved with agony and pain.
It looked oddly bright.
And that night, the four reunited at the apartment, and had a round of drinks. Not to mourn a loss, but to celebrate their win.
But Tenko wasn’t the only boy that needed to be reclaimed out from the shadows of a cruel man.
*
The Todoroki family had been having a dinner at a restaurant, with all of them present. The parents, Enji and Rei, and the kids, Fuyumi, Natsuo, and Shoto.
As all of their dinners were, it was awkward. Stiff, rigid. But an outsider couldn’t tell, so their waiters didn’t think any different, and treated them like royalty, as Enji had booked the entire restaurant out so it was just him and his family. Their family was so wealthy that such things were easy to do.
So, when he got up and went to the bathroom, he was shocked when he arrived back to see two young men sitting at some empty seats of their table, both with leers on their faces, making the Todoroki family very uncomfortable.
A man with white hair, with too many scars.
And a man with black hair, with too many piercings.
Burns, too.
“Sit down, dad, we got a lot of catching up to do,” the man with black hair said, icy blue eyes fixing on his, too cold to be likened to his own blue eyes. “It’s been years, hasn’t it?”
*
“TOUYA?!” Natsuo exclaimed, slamming his hands down on the table, manners thrown out the window. “You’re meant to be dead!”
Dabi grinned, and rolled his eyes. “Meant to be, but I ain’t. I did notice that I have a death certificate, and a grave, but there was never a body… Which is so odd, isn’t it? Almost as if someone was paid to write that thing up, to cover up for the fact that my ransom was never paid. And I guess someone assumed that I would have been killed. But no, was tortured instead.”
There was silence. And under the table, Tenko was holding one of Dabi’s hands. They were shaking, but not out of fear, out of anger.
“E-Enji?” Rei gasped out, covering her mouth, as all eyes turned to Enji, who hadn’t sat down. Too shocked to move after seeing Dabi. “Y-You lied to me! Y-You said he was killed!”
“I was written out of the inheritance when Shoto showed signs of being the perfect Todoroki son,” Dabi said, casually, cold eyes flickering to the youngest sibling, who looked uncomfortable. “I don’t hold it against you. Grew past that. But do you know why I was written out?” He slung an arm around Tenko’s shoulders who leaned into him. “Ha… ‘Cause a good Todoroki son can’t go around sleeping with just anyone. It must be a nice rich girl with a good family and a good background… Huh, kinda like Enji and Rei! Woah! What a coincidence! And we all know how their marriage turned out…
“So if a rebellious son goes missing, a son who was caught kissing a boy one time… And then held ransom for an insane amount of money… Then why bother paying it and saving him? When other sons exist who will actually fall in line with enough discipline? But like, wanna know a secret?” Dabi smooched Tenko on the cheek, who grinned, leering at the family. “This boy right here, why, he’s a criminal! Oh my gosh! And I’m fucking him?! Gasp! Woah! If the media hears about this then the Todoroki name won’t seem so family-friendly anymore! Because gays who also happen to be criminals don’t do well with marketing, and you’ve been marketing a fake family this entire time!”
Enji looked like his entire world had imploded, stunned stupid, so things were going better than Dabi had even planned.
“And dad, our family will seem even less family-friendly if say…certain…images…were released to the public. I mean, I never took you for the type of guy who would pay to have sex, or who also happened to be into blonds, but hey, who am I to judge? It’d be such a shame if that sex worker had posted those weirdly kinky pics online or something, and like, totally ruined your reputation… Ha.”
Instead of anger, Enji collapsed to his knees, and buried his face in his hands, sobbing, brokenly, and Dabi threw his head back and laughed like a lunatic, more than satisfied. Because at first he had been going to shoot Enji in the head, but then Chisaki had pointed out that there were other ways to get revenge, ways that would appeal to someone as sadistic as Dabi.
To be fair, that sex worker hadn’t been paid by Dabi to take those photos. The guy, who went by Hawks, had been insulted by Enji, who thought of him as nothing more than something to pay to fuck. Not a person. Not a man trying to pay his bills, put food on the table, and keep his lights on. Enji saw him as an object, a dumb naïve blond, totally not aware that sex workers sometimes pretended to be different from their real selves, because some clients were into certain types of people.
Even worse, Enji scared away Hawks’ other clients, thinking that just because he was rich and that he tipped well, that he owned Hawks.
Hawks had went to Tenko, a leader of a new gang with a vendetta against Enji’s brand for some reason. And then Hawks had met Dabi, who had told him the truth of his own identity. They had struck a deal, and Hawks was living in the Bahamas, for all Dabi knew, given a large cheque for his help. Had been given a new identity, too, and sometimes sent postcards under his new name, reporting that he was doing well, and couldn’t wait until Enji’s world was burnt to the ground.
And now Enji had nothing left. Because his family looked at him with disgust in their eyes.
As of now, the photos were probably viral, as there was a team in Tenko’s gang that had been assigned to post them around this time, timing things just right.
“F-Fuck you, Enji,” Rei hissed out at her husband. “This time, you can’t bully me out of a divorce!”
“You tell him, ma, get his ass,” Fuyumi cheered.
Natsuo nibbled at his food, because why let good food go to waste, watching the show eagerly.
“I’m sorry that this happened to you,” Shoto said to Dabi, frowning, on the verge of crying. “I-I…didn’t even suspect…”
“Eh, you were just a little shrimp. I hated you a bit, but I’ve matured enough to know that it made no sense to be angry at someone who wasn’t involved in what happened to me. It was all dad, not any of you.”
“T-Touya, please forgive me!” Rei exclaimed, getting up from her seat, and throwing her arms around Dabi, who squawked out in both surprise and discomfort. “I-If I had known… I’d have kicked his ass!”
“Seconded, ma,” Fuyumi agreed, and soon, she and the other siblings embraced Dabi, who was still seated, practically choking on all the sudden affection.
Tenko watched, smirking, not lifting a finger.
Because Dabi had insisted that his family wouldn’t want him back in their lives.
The group ended up leaving the restaurant together, leaving Enji behind, and Fuyumi kept waggling her eyebrows at Dabi, who wrapped an arm around Tenko’s waist as they walked. You know, as if to try and embarrass Dabi, who was immune.
“You know, I was thinking of dying my hair white,” Dabi said, vaguely, as they walked.
Tenko knew. The words weren’t pointed at him.
“My natural hair is red, like his. But I think that white would look sexy on me. Isn’t that right, love of my life?”
“You could never hope to look sexier than me.”
“God, you ain’t wrong.”
“I don’t know why I’m surprised that you’re the gay one in this family,” Natsuo said with a laugh. “I thought it was gonna be Fuyumi, but then she dated only dudes, so if we had been betting then I would have lost.”
Shoto coughed, with purpose. “U-Umm… He’s not…the only one…”
“Two?! We have two gay brothers in this family?! What are the chances?!”
Rei giggled. “And I’m so proud of you for coming out. Both of you. Despite the…circumstances.”
“Nothing like using dad’s misery as an excuse to come out of the closet,” Dabi joked. “He once told me that I wasn’t allowed to be a gay. You know, as if I could smack a button and become straight. No thanks. But hey! Turns out he was being not only homophobic, but he was also gay and homophobic! So hey, three gays in this family! Woo! Go us! Double points for the homophobe!”
Tenko sighed, as the Todoroki family looked a bit shocked, not yet used to how overboard Dabi could get sometimes. Tenko loved his passion, but it was so new to the Todoroki family. A new side to a boy they used to know.
“Hey, I changed my name to Dabi, and ‘cause I’m a trend follower, I’m gonna go back to being Touya. And the world gets to know! Oh, I’m a criminal by the way, and I’ve killed people. Hope that won’t be a problem. But if you can accept my totally hot boyfriend killing people, then you can accept me. We hardly do it anymore...”
To say the look on Touya’s family’s faces was priceless was an understatement.
Yes, they had a lot to learn about him.
And thus, Touya Todoroki was reclaimed, left with a lot of work to do in order to patch up the Todoroki family, and boot out Enji for good.
It helped to be dating a powerful criminal, with a loyal following, along with being friends with an ex-yakuza who had so many connections that hiring a top rate lawyer had been easy. And Magne had helped point Hawks to Tenko in the first place, so Touya thanked her by improving her club with flashy renovations. She got so rich that she didn’t even have to work in it anymore, being the boss who got to sit around sipping matinees, but she sometimes managed the bar anyway, because she enjoyed it, and getting hot dates through flirting was a plus.
Chisaki, who finally let the three call him Kai and be all personal with him, did manage to make it far in the medical field. So far that he won awards for medical advancements, and always boasted about it, while Tenko always boasted back about being a kingpin in the underbelly, which was apparently more flashy.
Either way, everyone was doing well. And super rich, which was a bonus. What more could you want out of life? Not only were they rich, but Touya had a smoking hot criminal boyfriend! He was the true winner here. Though, while he played their relationship up as Tenko being the ‘trophy husband’, Touya definitely fit that concept a lot more. And was glad to do so.
Maybe one day they’d get married, adopt a few kids, and grow old together.
Or maybe they’d adopt a dozen cats, or dogs.
Whatever the case, they enjoyed the roller-coaster that was their lives, through and through. In different ways, their shitty abusive fathers no longer had a hold over them, so they were free of any chains trying to hold them back.
Tenko and Touya had been freed, their graves that their fathers had created for them had been dug up, and brought up to the light. The darkness had no hold over them anymore, not the kind that they couldn’t control. And even in death, that foul darkness couldn’t touch them, because wherever they were going, their fathers couldn’t hope to reach them.
Bloody nails and burnt patchwork had been their past, but it didn’t define them.
The future was theirs.
And together, they’d take it. No longer alone to face it.