Chapter Text
Shirayuki was nothing but nerves the day Kit talked with Zen.
When Kit had brought it up the night before, Shirayuki put on a supportive face and agreed with Kit that talking to Zen might be the best next step. And part of her definitely felt that way - but part of her wanted to say no, refuse to let Kit see him.
But she couldn't. That was trouble with having an adult daughter who could make her own decisions.
And when Kit told her that she wanted to talk to Zen alone, without her there - Shirayuki understood.
It stung just the same.
So Shirayuki kept herself busy delivering her remedies and even making an extra round of tea blends. She filled more orders, had lunch with Itoya's widow, Harumi, and picked a few more sprigs of rosemary from her garden when she got home.
Then she wrote to Ryuu, asking him to please tell her how he was and requesting a few more bundles of coneflower. Ryuu didn't give her much information in his letters, all she knew was that he lived in Lilias and continued to work hard as always. She told herself that as long as he kept sending her shipments, he was okay. She missed him so much some days. She hoped to see him again soon.
Evening came unnoticed, and when Shirayuki looked up from the letter at her desk, the sky was a darker blue. She stood up and stretched before folding up the letter and stuffing it into an envelope.
Shirayuki heard the front door scrape open. She stilled.
Was it Kit or Akiko?
Either way, guilt flooded through her. And the thought she had been avoiding all day pervaded her mind:
How was she going to make this right?
A tiny knock sounded on the bedroom door.
"Mama?" Kit said, coming into the room tentatively.
"Kit, come in," Shirayuki said gently.
Kit shut the door gingerly behind her. As she turned around Shirayuki surged forward and gathered her daughter into her arms. Kit weakly hugged her back, her shoulders slumped. Shirayuki could feel her exhaustion coming off in waves.
"What you did today was really brave," Shirayuki said softly. "I'm sorry that I put you through this."
Kit pulled back, tears shimmering in her eyes.
"Can I talk to you about something?" Kit asked.
"Of course," Shirayuki said, pulling them to the edge of the bed. "Sit and tell me."
Shirayuki's heart broke watching the way Kit held herself - it was vastly different from the girl who was a glowing almost-bride just a few short days ago.
Shirayuki's guilt intensified, roiling into shame. She should have told the truth from the beginning. The lies that kept her heart safe had suddenly uprooted all trust she had built with her daughters, causing them undue distress and ruining everything -
Shirayuki put on a patient expression while stability crumbled within her. She forced herself to be present as Kit found her words.
"Taketsu and I have decided to get married in two days," Kit said. "With just my family and his as witnesses."
Shirayuki stilled, careful not to betray any of her strong and sudden emotions. She reached over and squeezed Kit's hand.
"And Zen?" Shirayuki managed to say.
Kit shook her head. "He won't be there."
Shirayuki breathed out, not sure what to feel about that revelation.
Mostly relief, she found.
"Then Taketsu and I will be going away for a while," Kit continued softly. "I don't know when we'll be back."
Shirayuki's eyes filled with tears. The guilt pounded in her ears.
This wasn't the way this was supposed to happen - Kit shouldn't be talking about her marriage trip in such somber tones, she shouldn't have to get married so hastily when she had dreamed of a big wedding all along.
Most of all, she shouldn't feel the need to run away. That was a feeling Shirayuki had hoped so desperately to spare her daughters from.
"I will miss you," Shirayuki said, gathering Kit into a hug. "So much."
"I'll miss you too." Kit sniffed, her voice soft. "I just need some time."
Shirayuki nodded against Kit's shoulder.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered.
Shirayuki felt every emotion watching Kit get married in Mukaze's sitting room.
Shirayuki smiled, of course, clasping hands with Taketsu's parents and two sisters, and it seemed all were in agreement to simply not mention the previous attempt at a wedding. Throughout the ceremony there was no strain behind the smiles of Taketsu's parents, Shirayuki noticed. They were genuinely happy for their son - for Kit.
It gave Shirayuki the barest of comforts.
Akiko sang the lullaby again, just a shortened version because there was no aisle to walk down. It brought Shirayuki to tears, though this time it was partially because of the hurt she saw in Akiko's eyes.
Shirayuki needed to make things right with her youngest daughter. She knew Akiko had been avoiding her while carrying everyone else's burdens.
Once Kit left, Shirayuki was going to have a long talk with Akiko. A talk she should have had years ago.
Mukaze began reading his script, and Kit and Taketsu looked at each other with such love that for a brief moment, something within Shirayuki felt okay.
Kit was happy.
Not in all aspects of her life, to be sure - but in one that really mattered, and Shirayuki found peace in that.
Understandably, Mukaze skipped the part where he asked for objections. With their luck, Zen would have barged into the room again and made a new impulsive opinion known.
"May your union uphold," Mukaze said finally, a smile on his face. "Please kiss already."
Taketsu's family chuckled and Akiko cracked a smile. Shirayuki tried, but remained focused on her daughter as Taketsu gathered her face in his hands and kissed her with an appropriate passion. Kit giggled - a miracle of a sound.
Tears rolled down Shirayuki's face.
Both families saw Kit and Taketsu off on their trip. Shirayuki's emotions bubbled up again as she saw Kit on her horse - a wedding gift from her grandfather - and remembered a day that felt like yesterday when Kazuki and Itoya taught Kit how to ride as a little girl. Shirayuki wondered if Kit remembered.
"You're stopping at the castle tonight?" Shirayuki asked, stepping up next to Kit's horse.
Kit nodded. "We have your letter from the king."
"Don't let Raj intimidate you," Shirayuki said. "Ask him to play his violin for you. You'll be on his good side in an instant."
Kit smiled. "I will. I'll write to you when we settle in."
"Have the best time," Shirayuki said, reaching up to squeeze Kit's hand. "I love you."
"I love you," Kit's eyes sparkled. "Everything will be okay, mama."
Shirayuki nodded, telling herself not to cry. There was hope in Kit's voice, after days of misery.
Shirayuki prayed for that same hope to return to her and Akiko.
Everyone said their goodbyes, waving as the newlyweds rode out of the village. Shirayuki approached Akiko, who was openly crying watching her sister's retreating back. Cautiously, Shirayuki put her arm around Akiko's shoulders, pulling her close with a gentle tug.
"Let's have a tea party tonight," Shirayuki said softly. "Just you and me."
Akiko looked up at her mother with a sniffle. "Okay," she said.
That was enough for Shirayuki.
They said goodbye to Taketsu's family, promising to have a meal together soon. Shirayuki linked arms with Mukaze to keep him steady, Akiko tentatively on his other side, and they began to make their way back to Mukaze's house.
"Beautiful ceremony, dad," Shirayuki said.
"I didn't do much. Kit wrote it all down for me," Mukaze said with a chuckle. "Are you feeling alright?"
Shirayuki felt Akiko's eyes on her. "Yes," Shirayuki said convincingly as she could. "I think I'm just in need of a good nap."
Mukaze gave her a funny look, and Shirayuki gave him one right back. She didn't need to add to Akiko's distress. Shirayuki could have a private talk with her father later about her real feelings.
As they finally approached the house, Shirayuki's heart constricted when she saw Zen standing by the stairs, waiting for them. He offered a wave as they came closer.
"I hear congratulations are in order," Zen said, no bitterness in his voice. He smiled, if a little sadly.
Mukaze nodded. "Just sent them off," he said gruffly.
"Good to hear," Zen said.
Akiko cleared her throat. "I need to get to Kazuki's," she said, stepping away from her grandfather's side.
"Try to be home before dark, please," Shirayuki said. "So we can have our tea party."
Akiko's face pulled in concern. "But - "
"They'll be okay," Shirayuki said. "You need a break."
Akiko bit her lip, but nodded. She turned and picked up her pace, heading in the direction of Kazuki's place.
Shirayuki turned back to Zen, who was regarding her with a fondness that wasn't welcome.
"What?" Shirayuki asked, just as irritated as she had intended to sound.
"A tea party?" Zen asked.
Shirayuki nodded. "I've done it since they were little girls," she said. "It always helped them feel better when they were going through a hard time."
Zen's face fell a little at the subtle dig, but he wasn't dulled for long.
"I came by to tell you some exciting news," Zen said, pulling a letter from his pocket. "A few weeks back, after seeing you at the market, I wrote to Obi to tell him you were still here. I didn't mention anything about Akiko, as I didn't know she was - "
"Hold on," Shirayuki said, holding up a hand. "What did you just say?"
Zen waved the letter. "I wrote to Obi," he said, as if it were as natural as daylight. "I told him he should come immediately, that you would be - "
“You wrote to Obi?” Shirayuki yelled.
Obi is alive?
"Yes," Zen said, suddenly unsure. "I thought you would want to see him after all these years. And especially now that I know that his daughter - "
Shirayuki let out a noise that didn't sound human, and Zen flinched while Mukaze pulled away in alarm.
"Why is it that you - " Shirayuki took a step back and pointed an accusatory finger at Zen and Mukaze respectively - "and you - both feel the need to make decisions for me? What is it with the meddling? Do I not seem competent to you? Like I can't be in control of my own life?"
"Honey," Mukaze said gruffly as Zen ducked his head. "That's not it at all, like I told you the other night, my wish for you is to find happiness - "
"I. Have. Been. Happy." Shirayuki was raging now, hardly knowing who to glare at with more intensity. "I have created my own happiness all my life, for me and my daughters, even after you threw me away - " Shirayuki shot a look at a cowering Zen, " - and Obi left - I have always taken care of myself and thrived, thank you! It's insulting how much you feel the need to intervene!"
"Shirayuki, that's…"
"No!" Shirayuki yelled. "I'm not going to hear it unless you're about to tell me that you've been an absolute ass and that I have always been competent and capable. But even then, I don't need to hear you say it."
Zen looked at her then, repentant yet again. "I'm sorry Shirayuki," he said.
"I'm sorry as well," Mukaze grunted. "You're right. You've never once worried me with the paths you choose."
Shirayuki could barely breathe. She was fuming, she was anxious, she was hopeful - it was too much.
"I need to go," Shirayuki said abruptly. "Leave me alone."
She brushed past Zen and broke into a run, refusing to stop until she was in her own house. She slammed the door behind her and leaned her back against it.
Obi, was all she could think, her heart racing. He's been alive this whole time?
Obi had gotten Zen's letter. He even wrote back.
Would he really come?
Shirayuki wished she had asked Zen what Obi's reply was before running off, but she also knew that she would have caused someone bodily harm had she stayed a second longer.
Tomorrow. She would ask Zen tomorrow.
The thought of knowing Obi was alive - that she could see him again, hold him, tell him that she had thought of him every day for almost eighteen years -
It was both a terrifying and hopeful thought.
But that was soon masked by an even more difficult thought, one that clawed at Shirayuki's insides:
She would have to tell Akiko - and she feared it would only make things worse.