Chapter Text
When you wake up, you feel warm and weirdly calm.
Not that you don’t remember what happened before, but it simply doesn't feel all that important. You’re on the couch, stomach-down. It’s comfortable. Does anything else really matter? Your thoughts drift like clouds for a time, free and undefined.
At some point you notice your phone on the low table next to the couch. Hey, nice. Reaching for it is decidedly less nice. Your left arm doesn’t want to move, which makes sense. But even when you use your other arm, the muscles in your back won’t give. It takes you a few tries to get it right.
When you open pesterchum, immediately three people start vying for your attention. Damn, when did you get this popular?
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --
TT: Dave.
TT: Dave, come on. Is that you?
TT: That message scared me halfway to death and back.
TT: And then you just vanished, I wasn’t sure if… what I should do.
TT: Please Dave, you haven’t been online at all since yesterday. Anything?
TT: Pesterchum claims you have been typing for a while now. Are you…?
TG: im gonna give you a heads up and warn you that i might type slower than our usual breakneck speed
TG: courtesy of my left arm which i am currently unable to move
TT: Oh Jesus.
TG: which is courtesy of bros sword that cut from my lower back
TT: Jesus fuck.
TG: aaaaaall the way into my left shoulder
TT: That sounds seriously bad.
TT: Are you texting me from the hospital?
TG: haha the hospital
TG: no man im at casa di striders couch right now
TG: lying all chill on my stomach got myself a cozy little blanket and everything
TG: some sweet soft plush rump tickling my feet
TG: these bandages kinda itch but what are ya gonna do
TT: Why the hell are you not in the hospital?
TG: pfff
TG: hospitals
TT: If your household funds are the issue I might be able to contribute.
TT: Or get my mom to help out...
TG: damn rose
TG: so to the poooooint
TG: at least buy me a drink first before you start flaunting your money around trying to be my sugar mama
TT: That was a serious offer.
TG: hahahaha so you admit it
TG: all these jokes bout my inappropriately sexual innuendos while this was just what you were here for all along huh
TT: Dave really? Can we move it along.
TG: are u sure
TG: cause if anything this seems like the point u tell me youre actually a forty something woman catfishing me
TT: ...
TG: come ooon youre no fun
TT: How can you be this nonchalant right now?
TG: uh this is strider talking
TG: have i ever been emotional about anything?
TT: ...
TT: YES!?
TG: solid argument
TG: nah lalonde the money is not the problem
TG: i mean have i ever told you how much dollars worth of film equipment he has around here for his weird puppet porn thing
TG: cause its like
TG: a lot
TT: Where is he now?
TG: out drinking
TT: Really now.
TG: aaaaah its ok tho
TG: he left a note skewered to the table like the responsible adult that he is
TG: not even a deeply disturbing comic to go with it
TT: …
TG: haha yeah
TG: what a guy am i right
You feel yourself slipping in and out of the haze. You are probably saying things that you’ll regret later. You also don’t care.
TG: you know whats even funnier?
TG: he even made me dinner rose
TG: he hasn’t done that since i was like 7
TG: hahahahaha
You spotted it when you had struggled to grab your phone. A tray of tacos on the low table next to the couch, within your reach. It looks they were heated up in the microwave even though judging from their soggy state that must have been hours ago.
TT: …
TG: yeah i dont get the joke either
TG: let me think of another
TT: Okay Strider serious question.
TT: Your reaction to all this seems off. Do I have any reason to believe this is anything else than a shock-induced delirium?
TT: Because if that’s the case I can and will not hesitate to call an ambulance on your ass.
TG: roooose dont worry
TG: s probably the drugs
TG: anyway ive been here for at least a day it wouldnt do much good now anyway
TT: “The drugs.”
TT: Please try to be more specific.
TG: yeah bro was so kind as to spoonfeed me some anesthetics
TG: i mean i guess thats what happened i wasnt around to watch the heartwarming spectacle
TG: not consciously anyway
TG: but that would explain why i feel less than a dead body
TG: although looking at that bottle of questionable legality im not sure they were you know
TG: legit anesthetics
TG: now that i think of it im not sure if they were pills at all lol
TG: wait i should be able to see the needle mark if not
TG: oh hey there it is
TG: oh well there goes that fantasy
TT: I’m not sure whether this is supposed to make me more or less inclined to call you an ambulance. Or perhaps the police would be a more appropriate option.
TG: woa hold up there
TT: Hmm.
TG: i dont think my bro would tolerate popos in this apartment
TG: and then wed have to deal with me living with a murderer on the run and everything
TG: imagine how hard itd be contacting me a free stable wifi is such a bitch to get out in the wild
TT: Yes Dave, I will take into account your grave Wi-Fi concerns.
TG: anyway dw about it my bro knows his shit
TG: hes all caring and stuff
TG: i mean im not dead yet etc
TT: I don’t believe “care” is the operative verb you are looking for here.
TG: oh hey speak of the devil
TG: see ya
-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --
Bro is crouched by your side, which is literally the only reason you even noticed his presence. Peripheral awareness is not a prime concern in cloud city, as it turns out.
“Broooo, you’re back,” you exclaim, a sheepish grin on your face. You lean your face on your functioning arm to take a better look.
His hair is a fucking mess, even with the cap. There’s lines under his eyes as well-- must have been one hell of a night. Or day? The light that falls through the curtains suggests the latter. Whatever.
He studies you as you study him.“What’ve you been bawling for?” he asks.“Didn’t I give you enough painkillers or something?” His Texan drawl is stronger than usual; he’s tipsy alright.
It takes you a few seconds to register a question was asked. It gives you a pause. Have you been crying? You don’t even remember. You don’t really care, either.
“Tacos?” you finally respond, although you’re not sure what you’re trying to say with that.
“They’re right here, you idiot,” he says, and sighs. “You’re meant to eat ‘em, you know.”
You stare at the tacos, and then at him. Then, for reasons you don’t understand, you start to sniffle again.
For a moment he seems at a loss of what to do with you. You were never a crier, not even as a toddler. He finally sits down next to you on the floor, his elbows knocking into the table awkwardly with an air of incoordination that you can relate to.
“Alright little man, enough with the waterworks,” he says, and picks up one of the tacos. “Here ya go.”
He ends up hand-feeding you the entire taco.
You’re pretty content, and wonder if it could always be this way. You are too far gone in the drug-induced haze to care about how fucked up that train of thought is.
***
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --
TG: sorry for not updating you yesterday
TG: i passed out
TG: by which i mean bro stabbed me with another dose of morphine
TT: Morphine?
TG: i mean or something unidentified thats supposed to mimic morphine i guess he doesnt wanna say
TG: sure as hell aint some aspirin is all im saying
TG: im ok tho
TG: well
TG: given the circumstances
TG: awake and shit
TT: I’m glad you’re at least back with us.
TT: For my reference, should I assume you are still under influence as we speak?
TG: yeah thank god
TG: but its been a while since then
TG: and the dose lower
TG: so my heads a lot clearer now
TT: I see.
TT: I must say I’m very skeptical about these unidentified painkillers he’s giving you. It sounds risky.
TG: yeah well guess i cant argue with that
TG: if im very honest with you i suspect it might have simply been weed or heroin im not sure
TT: Simply astounding.
TT: Where would he even acquire that.
TG: shrug
TG: wouldnt that be easier to get than actual morphine?
TG: im doubting that bro has some hidden high culture life in which hes friends with a bunch of doctors who will supply him with morphine on demand
TG: drug dealer connections on the other hand
TT: Just sounds more in character?
TG: exactly
TG: i mean he DJs in some shady ass clubs
TG: tho tbh remembering what it was like when it just happened and i wasnt sedated
TG: i was in so much pain rose
TG: i would have literally run up to any junky living on the street and stabbed my own heart with whatever theyve got
TG: if i could have walked that was
TG: haha imagine that
TT: Uh. About that.
TT: How is your injury?
TG: oh boy
TG: you really wanna go there
TT: Not really.
TT: But tell me anyway.
TG: im not sure tbh
TG: cant move my left arm
TG: ofc i cant really experiment cause it might upset the stitches
TG: and overall my back is
TG: well
TG: lets just say i tried getting up to pee this morning
TG: and i didnt even make it past the coffeetable
TG: which i faceplanted into
TG: bro had to scrape me off of the floor later cause i simply couldnt move
TG: please dont ask me to elaborate on the peeing thing btw
TG: anyway all and all staying put is what i gotta do for now
TT: Damn.
TT: That sounds incredibly shitty.
TT: And not at all like you’re okay in any sense of the word.
TT: Is it going to heal on its own?
TG: honestly im not sure what will happen
TG: before ive never had one like
TG: one this deep
TT: I still can’t believe you’re not in a goddamn hospital.
TG: yeah well
TG: what else is new
These are questions you should probably be asking your Bro.
You’re lucid enough by now to remember tracking his every move. But for once, he doesn’t even make it difficult. Bro has actually been around all morning. And not even ‘around’ in the sense that he usually is. He’s just walking, goddamn walking through the apartment, staying where you can see him. Calling people. Checking on you. Working on his computer.
It’s really fucking weird
All of this is off-script. He’s acting more chill than he’s been in years, and you don’t know what to make of it. Besides, how would you even start a conversation? Hey bro remember how you almost murdered me, hah, what’s up with that. Anyway, …
Yeah, no.
TG: hey lalonde
TG: get back here
TG: i need someone to distract me
TG: you dont seriously believe i can entertain myself for more than five seconds straight
TG: also if you think you can just come and ask me serious questions without fucking around for at least thirty minutes you must have never really known me at all
TT: I wouldn’t dare deprive you like that.
TT: I was just conducting a Google search on these questionable painkillers your Bro has been giving you.
TT: Want to hear a faux medical expert interpretation?
TG: go for it
TG: like i said
TG: not like i have much better to do rn
TT: Ok
TT: So, morphine. The heavy analgesic you’d expect in hospitals. The side effects include drowsiness, confusion, and apathy, among others.
TT: Does that sound familiar?
TG: idk
TG: i guess i have been feeling really tired?
TG: and feels like my head has been really unclear
TG: so that would make sense?
TT: But like we discussed, it would be hard to find, probably.
TG: yeah i guess
TT: Maybe it’s marijuana?
TT: Causes euphoria and relaxation.
TT: But the internet describes it more as a pain distractor, not really a painkiller.
TT: So, unlikely?
TG: yeah a cut like this should be killing me
TG: and i feel nothing unless i move
TG: dont think even sweet sweet weed would distract me from that
TG: even if you shoot it right in your blood is that even fucking possible
TT: Apparently, yes.
TT: But still, very unlikely.
TG: aw man
TG: damn bro at least start your impressionable teenager with a gateway drug thats what theyre there for
TT: We seem to have taken away slightly different lessons from those drug education classes.
TT: Mine mainly taught that doing ‘the drugs’ would enthrall me no matter what, leading me on to the path of the devil.
TG: spicy
TT: Also how to say no to my peers with outstanding comebacks such as ‘Drugs are not cool.’
TG: wow what an amazing argument
TT: I know, thank you.
TT: Anyway, want to learn about heroin?
TG: hit me
TT: Apparently heroin is a painkiller surprisingly similar to morphine, but with notable additional side effects.
TT: The most prominent one’s are euphoria and a false or unusual sense of well-being. Which is also why it has been banned as an analgesic. Well, that and the fact that it’s really addicting and has really bad withdrawal symptoms.
TT: Just a heads up.
TG: great
TG: nice to have something to look forward to
TG: if thats what it is
TG: maybe were just being paranoid
TT: Well. Those side effects would answers a lot of questions surrounding your behavior yesterday.
TT: You were acting stranger than my mother when she’s plastered.
TT: I’m not saying it was heroin. But there’s a good chance it was heroin.
TG: damn
TG: yeah sorry about that
TT: It’s fine.
TT: You should probably apologize to John and Jade though.
TG: yeah guess i really should explain my absence huh
TT: I mean, yes you should.
TT: But I meant more specifically about your weirdness yesterday.
TG: wait what?
TT: Oh, I thought you knew.
TT: Guess the amnesia hit you as well?
TT: You talked to them after our initial conversation.
TT: Read back your pesterlogs.
You open up your log with John and see a conversation you don’t remember partaking in. It was timestamped yesterday. Right after your second dose of painkillers.
You don’t even remember being conscious then.
Oh shit.
-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --
EB: oh SHIT dave.
EB: there you are FINALLY.
EB: what happened to you? rose said something bad might have happened to you and that was more than a day ago :(
TG: haha heeeeey egbert
TG: my man
TG: my main dude
EB: ???????
TG: my bro-est of bros
TG: you know that i love you right
EB: uhhhhhhh
EB: sure?
EB: you’re my best friend.
EB: but between you and me, dave, you know this is why people assume you’re gay right.
TG: shhhhhhhhhhh
TG: no words now
TG: only feelings
TG: im feeling great rn how are you doing
EB: umm.
EB: didn’t something bad happen?
EB: because if this is a prank it’s a really unfunny one.
EB: you don’t just give rose some ominous message and then disappear!
EB: and then act all goofy about it?
EB: rose was really upset. even i could tell!
TG: it wasnt that bad
EB: are you saying rose was exaggerating?
EB: you two aren’t fighting again, are you?
TG: wooooow slow down there
TG: cant type fast
TG: me and rose are chill
EB: then what happened?
TG: john john john
TG: watch out or people will start thinking that you caaaare about me
EB: oh my god dave.
EB: we just went over this!
EB: why are you acting all weird.
EB: are you drunk?
TG: what? me?
TG: noooooooooo
TG: hold on some chick is messaging me
EB: ?????????????
-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] --
-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --
GG: dave!!!!
GG: you better answer me YOUNG MAN you made us all very worried :(
GG: come on!
GG: you didnt do anything stupid did you?
TG: haha fuck yes
TG: the stupidest thing ever
GG: oh no!
GG: did you get hurt? :(
TG: yeeeeeeeep
TG: but its aaaall good now
TG: i slept for more than a day and just ate tacos
TG: have you ever had a day better than that
GG: werent you in some kind of accident???
TG: lol i guess you could call it that
TG: but who cares
GG: do i need to beat someone up >:( because i will
TG: oh jade swoon
TG: save me from these brutes
TG: let me be your trophy wife
GG: okay your words are weirder than usual o___o are you sure youre alright
TG: peachy
TG: im so peachy you could throw me in a fruit salad
TG: holy shit has anyone thought of that before
TG: wow i should be starring in one of those tv programmes
TG: you know with the young geniuses who have these great inventions that will change the world etc etc
GG: dave thats a very normal ingredient for a fruit salad to have!!
TG: oh
GG: you could try to do that ironically though 8D
TG: shit right that was my thing
GG: its great you can be so excited about fruit tho!! i thought i was the only one
GG: you should see the peaches that i grow here
GG: they are HUUUUUGE
TG: hahahahaha
TG: your so funny jade
TG: like
TG: the way that you do words
GG: thank you? i think??
GG: maybe you should go sleep some more?
GG: at least that’s what you always tell me when i’m acting a little crazy ;o;
TG: yeah maybe
TG: not really tired tho
TG: although
GG: although??
GG: ………………….
-- turntechGodhead [TG] is now an idle chum! –
GG: um
GG: hope you sleep it off dave!!! <3
-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --
TG: oh god
TG: what the fuck why am i hitting on everyone when im high
TT: Dave, I sincerely hope this isn’t news to you, but you always hit on everyone.
TT: Only slightly less blatantly.
TT: Keyword: Slightly.
TG: wow
TG: i cant believe im being dragged like this
TG: if movies have taught me anything this is the timeframe where everyone feels forced to act nice to me
TG: doesnt matter if we were mortal enemies before bitch you better bring me flowers and sign that class-enforced pity card with a smiley like you mean it
TT: How about this. I will go find you the ugliest, kitschiest get-well-soon e-card in existence and draw you a smiley over it.
TT: Will that make you happy?
TG: very
TG: tho id be disappointed if it there wasnt at least three crying animals on the card
TG: also since were talking e-cards it better be a piece of shit quality gif
TT: I will make sure to find one that suits your refined tastes.
TG: nice
TT: In all seriousness, Jade and John will probably accept it if you put the blame on being high on painkillers.
TT: Although I must agree neither of us is likely to ever forget this.
TG: wait
TG: does this mean that i hit on you as well
TT: Scroll up.
You scroll up and read back your first conversation with Rose after waking up. You at least remember that one, but not that it was this cringeworthy.
TG: ugh
TG: would you maybe like
TG: consider taking a blood oath to never share that with anyone ever
TT: Well.
TT: From now on I could.
TT: I’ll get the candles and sacrificial knife ready.
TG: what does that mean
TG: the first part i mean that you have some crazy witchcraft ritual at the ready is not a surprise
TT: The three of us might have shared our pesterlogs.
TT: Mainly because John and Jade were confused and wanted to figure out what was wrong with you.
TT: But I’d be lying if we didn’t start cracking up halfway throughout our investigation.
TG: oh my god kill me now
TG: wait
TG: all of them?
TT: No, don’t worry.
TT: Just some of the funnier excerpts.
TT: They already knew something was wrong because I told them about that message you sent me. You know, the one were you told me you were about to do something stupid and dangerous and then just. Left.
TT: Leaving my imagination to fill in the rest.
TT: So don’t think I will apologize for that.
TT: They assume you were in some kind of accident.
TT: I’m not going to keep covering up for you like this. The next time you disappear, I’m going to spill the full story at the first teary-eyed message John sends me.
TT: It won’t even be a conscious decision.
TT: And/or call the police, honestly.
TG: fair
TG: lets hope it wont come to that
TT: Is your brother… there right now?
TG: no hes out
TG: dw tho hes actually making sure i dont die
TG: i mean in so far that drugging your little brother without his knowledge counts but i guess it was for the greater good
TT: Okay.
TT: Dave, was it an accident?
TG: actually im feeling kinda drowsy now
TG: must be one of those side effects you were talking about how inconvenient for them to kick in right this moment
TG: think i might go for another nap
TT: Are you actually sleepy or do you want to postpone talking about this?
TG: both
-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --
***
Shockingly enough, you start to relax in Bro’s presence.
You’ve moved to sleeping in your bed during the night, but you still spend most daylight hours on the living room couch, where you can easily ask for help if you need it. By your own decision.
The drugs in your system must play a part in this newfound peace, this defiance of every instinct that has been instilled in you since early childhood. But it is definitely helped along by the fact that Bro has been uncharacteristically non-threatening. Mild, even.
When you whine about wanting a bag of cheetos for the third time that day, he complains half-heartedly, but he does get up to grab them.
He comes back from the kitchen, hands you the bag, and sits down on the coffee table. “Let’s check up on you,” he says.
You nod with a grimace. Just the pressure and small movements of undoing the bandages is a painful ordeal, but you get why it’s necessary. You hide your head in the crook of your elbow as he unwinds the bandages around your back and shoulder.
He checks on the cut. You don’t know what he sees there. Despite your newfound ability to walk small distances, you haven’t had the courage to look in the mirror yet. Bro cleans the area around the wound quietly.
“How are you feeling?” he asks as he starts wrapping a clean bandage around your back. You grit your teeth. “Fine, I guess,” you say. “As long as I don’t move.”
“Your shoulder?”
“I don’t know, just kind of… numb. I dunno if that’s the drugs or…” you trail off. After a new dose of painkillers, everything feels numb, obviously. That’s the idea. What’s more worrying is that, when the painkillers start wearing off, a part of your shoulder stays numb where it should hurt the most.
Bro is quiet for a while. “Let’s see how well you can move it.”
He ties up the ends of the new bandage and helps you sit up. He has you move your arm this way and that way, sometimes helping you along to see how flexible it is because fuck if you are going to move it voluntarily for more than 3 centimeters. You can move your fingers, wrist and elbow just fine, but your arm won’t quite lift the way it should.
“Jesus, cut it out,” you say, flinching back when he tries to lift your arm past horizontal. “At least shoot me up before you make me do this. Give me that sweet sweet mystery juice,” you say. You’re around 60% sure that you’re joking.
He rolls his eyes. “We should start tapering your painkillers off soon.” He looks back at your arm. “And you definitely need to stop lazing around all day, else this won’t heal right.”
You cannot believe Bro is being responsible for the one time in your life that you really wish he wasn’t. “Fucking fine,” you say, cringing away from his hold. He lets you. “And you can stop giving me painkillers when I’m not borderline dying anymore.”
He doesn’t respond to that. He does leave you alone, though.
This is about as close as you get to talking to your Bro about what happened. Talking recovery, talking medicine, that shit was fine.
But he never mentions that day on the roof, and neither do you.
***
TT: He told you to stop lazing around?
TT: Such tact.
TG: yeah right
TG: tho the fact that hes not making me and just bitches about it already means a lot coming from him
TT: I’m not impressed.
TG: i get that
TG: tho sometimes i wonder if he
TG: idk
TG: you know what never mind its stupid
TT: Ok...
TT: You know, you still havent told me what happened.
TG: i guess i havent
TT: Are you going to, at some point?
TG: i mean im sure you already suspect a thing or two
TG: really the location of the cut speaks for itself doesnt it
TG: use your brain lalonde
TT: The cut is on your back so my best bet is that meant he… surprised you? Caught you off guard somehow?
TG: bingo
TG: well it was during a strife
TG: sorta
TG: i didnt want it to be
TG: i was pissed at him and threw down my sword
TG: and then i tried to get away
TG: and then i failed to dodge
TT: He just kept coming at you after that?
TG: yep
TT: Wow.
TG: yeah me too
TT: That’s all, though? Your message beforehand made it seem like…
TT: Like this was something you spent a lot of time thinking about, beforehand.
TG: ok so yeah i suppose i planned to throw down my sword it wasnt a spur of the moment decision
TG: but i mean its not like i thought it through all that deeply
TT: Let me spell this out for you.
TT: It read like you thought he might try to kill you.
TG: yeah well
TG: i didnt know how hed react for sure
TG: ive tried defying him before and that never ended well and even then i never did it so blatantly
TG: by throwing down my sword
TG: i was basically spitting on the only thing he really even cares for ie his training me
TT: So you were riling him up on purpose
TT: You planned that and then went out with the full knowledge you were gambling with your life. That’s either incredibly stupid or… plain suicidal.
-- turntechGodhead [TG] is now an idle chum! –
TT: Dave?
TG: sorry i
TG: listen i know what i said but i never once believed that hed actually go through with it ok
TG: like i expected him to be mad
TG: maybe beat me to a pulp to teach me a lesson
TG: maybe kick me out for dragging the strider name through the mud
TG: but that when it came down to it that hed not come after his defenseless little brother with a fucking sword
TG: or at the very least hold his swings at the last moment
TG: i needed to believe that so badly
TT: Is that why you went through with it?
TT: To confirm that he cared enough to stop himself if you ever really went against him?
TG: i think so
TT: Damn.
TT: I believe I get where you are coming from, but even so, that you felt that was necessary is incredibly messed up.
TT: Please never try anything like this again.
TG: yeah
TG: im sorry
TT: Wait, I don’t mean… I’m not implying that this is your fault.
TT: No matter what you did it doesn’t excuse his reaction in any way.
TT: I am just very… worried that he might ‘accidentally’ stab you in the heart next time.
TG: no i got it youre good
TT: Okay.
TT: So… what conclusion did you reach?
TG: i mean
TG: im pretty sure he didnt actually intend to kill me otherwise he wouldnt have gone through all this trouble to keep me alive afterwards right
TG: i still think he was trying to teach me a lesson and went too far cause i pissed him off
TG: but he was this close to killing me regardless i almost bled to death out there
TG: half an inch deeper or like a minute longer of bleeding would have done me in
TG: and then he doesnt take me to the hospital because of course theyd ask question instead opting to patch me up himself
TG: or maybe he called in a friend or what i have no idea i was out of it but either way still shady as fuck
TG: then he gives me this drug that im probably hooked on right now
TG: i could have easily gotten an infection or some kind of allergic reaction like i should probably be happy about how lucky i was
TG: and like
TG: what do you even say to defend this shit anymore
TG: i sure dont know rose
TT: Me neither.
TT: Really I thought I’d be glad when you would finally see the shit he pulls for what it is.
TT: But honestly I mostly just feel miserable knowing that you have to put up with this.
TG: thanks for not being completely insufferable anymore
TG: i guess
-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --
***
The next few days pass without incident. Bro continues to play nice and you continue to not ask questions.
The numbness in your shoulder doesn’t go away. Simple tasks like dressing yourself become so much harder when your left arm movement is so limited. You hope it’s caused by the wound pulling on your shoulder, or the bandages, or the painkillers. You hope it’s not something else, but you’re afraid it probably is.
You are able to walk around yourself now, sort of. Only if you’re meticulous about not twisting your back in any way. If you tense even the smallest muscle in the area, your back lights up with pain that burns straight through the now lowered dose of your painkillers.
It logically follows that you still spend most of your time lying down. The only times you really get up is when bro nags you about it.
So far, at least he hasn’t forced you to.
You spend a lot of that time chatting with John and Jade. It gives you a sense of normalcy. They believe you were in an accident and worry about you, but they don’t know enough to worry about the right thing.
It’s another temporary solution, but at this point you don’t really want to think further than that.
***
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --
TG: so
TG: bro is pulling me out of school
TG: so thats where were at right now
TT: What?!
TT: Why?
TG: why do you think
TT: …
TT: He can’t do that.
TT: He hardly seems like the type to homeschool you.
TG: yeah thats the thing i dont think hes planning on that either
TT: Now that’s just plain illegal.
TT: I mean, on top of everything else.
TT: Has he even put any thought into the consequences of this?
TG: he says it doesnt matter anymore
TG: when i ask why hes cryptic as shit tho so dont ask me
TT: What are you going to do about it?
TG: i dont know
TT: Dave just…
TT: Run away from him and come live with me already.
TT: I don’t care if it’s long-term or short-term but you need to get out of there.
TG: rose the biggest exercise i am comfortably doing right now is walking to the bathroom before lying back down
TG: what makes you think i could run
TT: I’ll get my mom to rent a van and we could put you in the back couch and all. We would ride into the New York sunrise together road trip style.
TT: Of course you’d get co-responsibility for slapping drinks out of my mom’s hands left and right if we are to have any chance for her to stay under the allowed alcohol blood concentration.
TT: If you’d rather not be holed up with my sunny personality, I’m sure John would offer the same in a heartbeat.
TT: As would Jade. Dave, if Jade knew the truth, she would find her way to your apartment, shoot your Bro in the foot, and drag you all the way back to her tower, be it swimming all the way. A lack of plane or plan would not stop her.
TG: oh god it wouldnt
TG: please dont actually tell her im afraid to find out
TT: You can tell them in your own time.
TG: right
TG: anyway its not that i dont think it would be hella sweet to live with you
TG: imagine the two of us terrorizing your rich white ass neighborhood
TG: scarring teachers and bullies alike for life with a fatal mix of irony and passive aggressiveness
TG: it would be so awesome people would write books about us lalonde
TT: But…
TG: but
TG: tbh i dont feel like im any immediate danger right now
TG: kind of the opposite bro has never been nicer
TG: he leaves me food without mindgames and actually talks to me
TT: Dave.
TT: This is only after he hurt you, almost fatally, in the first place.
TT: We’ve been over this.
TG: listen i know what he did was wrong
TG: but he at least seems to feel guilty about it? like he looks more tired than ive ever seen him
TG: he went out drinking the night it happened and just about every night after that
TT: I don’t see how drinking is a good thing.
TG: he normally doesnt drink that often rose its really bothering him
TG: he even buys me any snack that i want
TG: ive been living in fucking cheetos heaven for days
TT: That’s a goddamn bribe and you know it.
TG: yeah probably but god damnit if i aint weak for those disgustingly cheesy sticks of pure fat and salt he knows me that well at least
TG: but i mean what about the many totally unironic things he does now because he takes care of me
TG: like he wants to make it up to me but doesnt know how to say it?
TG: i mean i dont think the word sorry exists in his vocabulary but
TG: its something?
TT: Dave you know it’s only a matter of time before this shit starts again right.
TT: He doesn’t outright want you dead most the time. Does he deserve a medal for that?
TT: What happens if you disagree with him again?
TT: Do you really feel safe in a situation where any wrong move could cost you a sword in the liver?
TG: …
TG: fuck rose
TG: i know okay?
TG: but cant a guy just pretend for once in his live that the one person whos supposed to do that unconditionally in the first place
TG: loves him
TG: even if its just a little?
TG: is that so much to ask?
TT: I’m sorry, Dave.
***
Almost a month later you’re finally able to move around like a normal person again.
Your days have become a weird limbo. You don’t go to school anymore, but at least you’re able to go outside, mess around with your camera, and bother your friends.
Then one day you find a ‘meet me at the roof’ note nailed to the fridge door.
You want to vomit.
Your left shoulder hasn’t even fully recovered, and probably never will. You can’t lift your arm fully and this horrible, horrible numbness remains. You can’t even pretend anymore that it will ever fully go away.
You guess it’s good that you don’t need your left hand for holding a sword, otherwise Bro would have been really inconvenienced.
You don’t go because fuck him, fuck him if he thinks you’re just going to bounce back after something like this.
For once in your life he doesn’t come after you, leaves you be.
***
The second time you refuse to show up to a strife, a week later, he does come after you.
He tells you bullshit like that you need to overcome your fears, need to make up for lost time.
You throw an enormous fit. Toddlers in a supermarket being denied candy wouldn’t even rival your volume, shouting at him and completely ragdolling all your weight when he tries to drag you by the arm. You shout that your back isn’t healed yet and that he can go fuck himself. And as many variations of the latter your teenage brain can produce.
You can tell he has no idea what to do with you, which is a first. But at least he finally stops trying to drag you out of your room.
The time that you were mistakenly was comfortable with being around your bro end. You hole yourself up in your room as much as you can, like old times, and wait.
***
The third time you refuse he backhands you across the face and tells you to get over yourself. You follow him upstairs because you can sense he is approaching his limits and crossing them again isn’t an option.
He doesn’t call you out on your shaking hands, doesn’t call you a coward when you have to sit down for ten minutes to calm your breathing because apparently just being on the roof itself makes you freak out now. And then he only makes you do basic forms with him, exercises with the purpose to build back your strength after an injury. There’s no actual fight and you walk away mostly unhurt.
It’s all very nice of him, but he still forced you out there on the roof and you kind of want to die.
You tell Rose about it, because that is a thing that you do now. You’ve kind of lost all shame around her somewhere between the point where you called her a nosy bitch and the point when you called her during a panic attack.
She tells you that this is just the beginning, that things are bound to escalate again sooner or later. You tell her to tell you something you don’t already know.
***
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --
TT: You know Dave.
TT: The offer still stands.
TG: …
TG: ill think about it
TG: how about that
TT: I suppose there is nothing else for me to do than to accept that answer for now.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --
***
In the end you didn’t have to finalize that decision because it was only a few weeks before John’s thirteenth birthday, also known as the day when the four of you started playing Sburb, also known as the end of the world.
Bro strives you one last time on the roof. He doesn’t pull his punches nor does he hold his swings. The tumble down the stairs hurts the barely healed scar on your back immensely.
But then he has to go and fucking save your incompetent ass by slicing that meteor in half.
And then you finally understand why he must have been training you all this time.
And then next time you see him he’s dead lying face-down in a pool of his own blood after an undoubtedly badass last-stand against Jack Noir, to protect your session, to protect you.
It would be so much easier if you could just hate him, but you can’t.
All you can do is keep moving.