Chapter Text
Leta knew that he didn’t mean it like that. He didn’t mean to shut her out, to make her feel uninvited, to make her feel just like home. But still, it was what he did and now she sat in his room, because she nowhere else to be, holding an embroidered pillow and trying not to cry. This was stupid, how did she imagine this to work? Just come to her best friend’s house over Christmas, who she didn’t even know if he actually liked her. It wasn’t him who invited her - though technically he had delivered the message - but his worried mother, pitying that poor girl who chose to stay in Hogwarts every year. Maybe she should have just stayed again. Stayed on her own, read some books, get around the few left students. Eat some cookies and go to sleep again. How did she even imagine this year to be any different, just because some strange family took pity on her. Stupid brain, stupid decision.
Someone knocked, just loud enough for her to hear. For a second, she sat quiet, then she quickly dried the few tears and put on a smile. „Yes?“
The door opened a little and instead of Newt, Theseus asked, „Can I come in?“
Surprised to see him, it took her a moment to react. „Yes, of course.“ She lowered her eyes to the embroidered pillow again. It showed some yellow flowers, incredibly detailed on the beige fabric. It didn’t really fit in Newt’s room, but then, nothing in here really seemed to fit. It was like he just moved into someone else’s world and never bothered to change anything except for a few pots of plants on the sill.
„I am sorry for Newt’s behavior“, Theseus said, still standing next to the door.
„No, no, it’s okay.“, she rushed to say. „It wasn’t your fault, it had nothing to do … it’s fine, really. I’m fine.“ She put on a smile. No, she was fine. They shouldn’t worry about her. Who was she even to complain when they let her live in their house, over Christmas even? How did she just dare to come here and be upset that she didn’t get all the attention?
There was a pause and Leta didn’t dare to look at Theseus’ face again. He probably saw that she wanted to cry, maybe judged her for being so whiny when she didn’t even belong here. She didn’t want to see any of it. But then he spoke again and his words seemed carefully taken.
„It didn’t mean nothing to you, I know that. I don’t want to rant about Newt or anything. It wasn’t nice how he behaved, but I wanted to tell you that he didn’t mean it in a mean or ignorant way.“ She looked up again. „He always disappears into this world of his and then he comes across rude and insensitive. He didn’t realize he was hurting you with what he said, he would never want that, he just doesn’t know any better. That doesn’t mean in any way that you don’t have a right to be upset, I just thought it might help to understand what happened.“
The way he had said those things. Not like he wanted her to feel guilty or force her to be happy again or stop her from being mad at his brother. He just said it, because it had to be said and because she need to hear it, without any intention for him. She didn’t know how to respond.
„Yes, that’s all, I just thought it might help. I’m gonna go downstairs again, but if you …“
„Thank you.“ She didn’t know where the words were coming from, she didn’t mean to say them.
„I just hope this helps.“, Theseus looked at her, honestly not judging, honestly not pitying, but honestly caring. Not caring about her saying Thank you, but about the fact that it helped. Maybe that was why she could say it for once.
„A little“, she admitted. It didn’t fix it all, she wouldn’t lie. She still felt like an outsider and he couldn’t change that, because she actually was an outsider. But it hurt less to know that he didn’t want her to feel like that. „I mean, I know Newt“, she continued to talk, for no specific reason other than she wanted to, „and I know how he has this other world and I know I shouldn’t be upset about it, but it’s just …“
„You are allowed to feel upset about it.“, Theseus interrupted her, seeming just as surprised about it as she. „I’m sorry, go on.“
„Yes … yes, I guess.“ Leta smiled a little. She wasn’t too sure about that, but no one had ever acknowledged and approve the existence of her weird emotions. „I should probably not be to upset however, that would make things easier.“, she interposed. „But, I mean, I know all this about Newt and I still can’t get it right and … it’s just good to hear it from someone else. Thank you.“
„I thought so too.“, Theseus responded. „But also, as someone who’s been living with and caring about Newt for quite some time, can I give you some advice?“
She looked at him and nodded. He seemed to actually want to help her, not for his own sake, not so that she wouldn’t bother him anymore - she stopped doing that to people a long time ago - but for a reason she couldn’t quite figure out. He seemed to care for her, but why?
But instead of just telling her, he asked, „Can I come in?“ He looked her directly in the eyes, asking her for an honest response. She nodded and made some space for him on the bed, the beige and yellow pillow still on her lap.
„This thing, that he stops listening to you and drifts into his own world and just shuts you out, it does happen a lot when you live together. It used to upset me a lot - and it still does. I love him a lot and it’s just … it’s like he shuts the door right in your face with big capital letters written on it saying ‚Stay away’. Of course it hurts and I see that he does the same to you.“ How did he find the exact right words to describe what happened without making it sound stupid? „But when this happens, I try to remind myself that it’s not his fault and that it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love me. He does, he just has a very different way of showing it. Sometimes I’m not even sure he knows that himself.“ For a second, his face darkened, but then he just continued. „With Newt it's not hugs and presents and kind words and sometimes you wouldn’t even believe he’s a Hufflepuff. But then he shows you his creatures and he trusts you to know about them, to not hurt them, he lets you into this world that only he knows … and I try to remember that whenever he shuts me out. I remind myself of how he let me be in the same room as he was reading and he didn’t ask me to leave, even though he said not a single word.“ Theseus looked at the floor while he was telling her all this and she felt like he had given her this precious gift just by mentioning this moment that seemed so important to him. She couldn’t help but listen to him, absorb every single word he told. „It hurts, when he acts like today, but it makes it even more precious whenever he wants you to be around.“, he added, smiling again. „I think that’s important to remember.“
He finally looked at her again. She had been so busy listening to him that she couldn’t find any words. He had shared all this with her, this precious story about his brother, about how he also felt upset and then he had told her how he dealt with it, trusting her this sacred information. Why did he do that? Why didn’t he just keep it for himself, he had no obligation to help her in any way. He didn’t even know her. She tried to find the right words to respond to this, but the only thing that came to her mind, was how she had experienced the exact same. How Newt had shown her to his world and how precious she had felt, just as she did right now with Theseus.
„A few weeks after we met Newt found me upset after a class and he told me to come with him.“, she told Theseus and watched how he listened, free of judgement or pity or impatience. It set her off, but she latched onto the story like it would help her to deal with this situation. „He didn’t say anything except for that I should follow him and then he sowed me this tree where the bowtruckles lived in.“ She wasn’t sure if Theseus knew the tree, but somehow she found the courage to continue and say, very earnest, because it seemed like such an important thing to her, „He even tried to make one climb on my hand.“
And Theseus did not laugh, he did not ask why that was something special, but because he knew Newt and maybe he also knew some part of Leta, he smiled and responded, „That is exactly what I mean. It doesn’t seem that important or big if you look at it, but in a way it really is.“
She nodded and smiled at the memory of that day. It had helped her, it had been nice to know that someone cared and had tried to help her.
She hadn’t even realized for how long they had stayed silent, until Theseus rose to speak again. „If you want to tell me about what happened in that class that day, you can and I will listen to you.“ She looked up in surprise. „But I will not ask you now. If there is anything you want to talk about with someone, feel free to do so, but you are in no way obligated to anything.“
It felt strange, this offer. Why did he even care? How did he know something so severe had been off that day that she desperately wanted to tell someone, while being terrified by the mere thought of it. And yet, he hadn’t asked. She didn’t need to tell him anything and she didn’t want to, even though one part of her longed so desperate to tell someone - just anyone - about the pictures that haunted her every single night and day in the back of her mind. How could he know any of this and still don’t ask her about it?
„Thank you.“, she said - again - a little confused, but honest and thankful. Maybe she would accept the offer one day.
„Do you want to go downstairs again?“, he asked and offered her a hand as he stood up.
For a second, Leta hesitated. Newt was down there and their parents and they had all seen how she had disappeared over a single comment and how Theseus had to come and get her again. She was afraid what they would think, that they would judge her and that she would again that she wasn’t a part of it. But here he was, Theseus, offering her a hand, because he cared, and she felt like maybe his family wouldn’t judge her too hard. They didn’t actually seem like that.
„That’s a nice idea. Thank you, Theseus.“, she replied and took his hand.
„Thank you, Leta.“
A tiny, tiny bit of Leta started to believe that this family actually wanted her to be around. Not just like home, but like an actual family.