Chapter Text
It was a fact of life that Bruce Wayne had a lot of kids. He didn’t set out to have a large family, in fact, quite the opposite. Young Bruce Wayne had been firm in his decision to not have family, refusing to open himself up to that type of pain again. Then, Bruce had blinked, and suddenly Wayne Manor was full of his beautiful, rowdy children, all so similar, yet so unique, and so perfectly themselves. It had opened his heart up to that kind of pain again; the loss of Jason had almost killed him, but Bruce had never regretted any of his children. The love, the unrepentant joy that each of them had brought into his life with the privilege of allowing Bruce to raise them outweighed anything else.
Bruce knew the way Dick bit back an eager smile before performing a new trick, he knew the way Jason twirled a strand of hair around his finger when he was focused on a book, he knew the way Cass hovered by his shoulder when she had an important question but not the right words, he knew the way Tim chewed the end of his pencils no matter what project he was working on, he knew the way Damian would wrinkle his nose when he was annoyed but also when he was secretly pleased and trying desperately to hide it.
Knowing his children did not make Bruce Wayne infallible.
He barely had one foot through the door, keys still in hand, when two of his children pounced on him, a deafening cacophony of voices.
“Father, you simply must send Drake away! He is a mannerless irritant and if you do not take action, I will be forced to kill him!”
“I’m the mannerless irritant?” Tim spluttered back. “Take a look in the mirror, brat!”
“I’m surprised you even know what a mirror is when you walk around with that horrendous birds nest on your head everyday!”
“I’d sell you on eBay if I thought anyone would even want you!”
“I will stab you in your sleep!”
“Dick, please! I just walked through the door.” Bruce pleaded, pressing his hand to his forehead in stress.
A deep silence settled over the room.
“Excuse me?”
Bruce stared down into his youngest’s enraged green eyes. Fuck.
“Sorry, Jason. Shit, Tim. Cass. Fuck.”
Tim was howling with laugher, tears glittering in his eyes as Damian’s expression grew more and more outraged with each name.
“Do I look like any of those morons to you? I am your son!”
Bruce gritted his teeth. Jesus Christ, what was wrong with him? It was on the tip of his tongue.
“Duke. Steph. Babs. Oh my God.”
“Brown and Gordon are not even your children!” Came the furious, shrill response, almost drowned out by Tim’s peels of laugher.
“Alfred. Titus. Jesus Christ, help me out here.” Bruce begged, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes.
“TITUS? THE DOG? I’m DAMIAN, Father! Your BIOLOGICAL son! Are you having a stroke? Should we call an ambulance?”
“Titus! He called you Titus!” Tim wheezed, clutching at his ribcage like it hurt to breathe.
“I will kill you and they will never find your body.” Damian hissed.
“Damian!” Bruce scolded.
“Oh so now you know my name!” Damian huffed, crossing his arms in fury.
Bruce crouched down, running his hand through Damian’s thick, spiky hair. Damian’s brow was furrowed into a vicious scowl, his lips downturned in fury. He was perfect.
“Damian, my son. My baby.” Bruce pressed a kiss to his forehead and watched Damian’s scowl soften ever so slightly.
God, he hoped the boy never found out that when he said Alfred, he’d been thinking of that damn cat…