Chapter Text
Sister Bernadette didn't remember the doctor leaving, or any of the arrangements made for the next day. She was thinking even more about her life. The thoughts she'd had recently about a man she couldn't have and how she had tried to find solace in God. Was He now punishing her for failing? She couldn't think like that but her head was against her and her heart ached in her chest.
She just about remembers being guided to her room and being helped into her night clothes by Sister Julienne. Nothing was said but every gesture was done with tenderness and love and every time Sister Bernadette noticed she fought back tears, she couldn't be seen crying over this, not after the triumph of the day.
Sister Julienne smiled at her friend and muttered something about the kitchen and slowly left the room. Sister Bernadette smiled slightly as the other left but it dropped as soon as the door was closed. She let out a sigh and again fought back tears. She would not cry, not until there was a reason to do so.
She lay back in bed and thought back to the beginning of the evening. When Doctor Turner had arrived she was so happy to see him. His eyes were so warm and yet so worried. That worry was for her, and in realising that she knew she loved him more than she had known, it made everything so much harder.
She shook her head willing the memory of his hands away. It was not good to dwell on innocent touches. His examination of her was fresh in her mind, his carefulness. He barely moved most of the time, as if he were afraid she would disappear or run away and his touch. She remembered her cheeks flushing as she realised he could hear her heart beat faster than usual.
She half smiled at them memory as a tear fell from her eye. "This won't do." She said it out loud like it would break the spell. Reaching instinctively she raised her bible to her eyes flipping the pages willing something that would calm her or at least give her an essence of peace.
ˡ I will bless the Lord at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
2 My soul shall make her boast in the Lord: the humble shall hear thereof, and be glad.
3 O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together.
4 I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.
5 They looked unto him, and were lightened: and their faces were not ashamed.
6 This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the Lord encampeth round about them that fear him, and delivereth them.
8 O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.
9 O fear the Lord, ye his saints: for there is no want to them that fear him.
10 The young lions do lack, and suffer hunger: but they that seek the Lord shall not want any good thing.
She couldn't finish the psalm. Rubbing her temples slightly at the sudden pain she placed her book back on the side just as the door opened.
Sister Julienne walked in carrying a mug of something steaming. She placed it on the bedside table looking sombre but trying to be cheery.
"The milk will help you sleep." She stood straight looking at her friend; this was hard on them both.
"Thank you, Sister." Sister Bernadette smiled up at her friend and watched as Sister Julienne moved to sit on the bed just as there was a knock at the door and Jane entered.
"Sister, sorry to disturb you," Jane glance apologetically at Sister Bernadette, "but Nurse Lee has asked for you to come to the Master's Arms pub at once. Miss Masterson has gone into labour and Mr Masterson has taken a turn for the worse."
Sister Bernadette looked up at Sister Julienne knowing her friend would refuse, but she wouldn't let her. This is life, and life must go on.
"We will fetch Sister Evangelina," Sister Julienne turned to the younger nun, "and ask her to go in my place."
"Sister you must go." Sister Bernadette was resolute.
"I don't wish you to be alone." Sister Julienne looked down at her charge with sadness, leaving her alone after such an evening as the last thing she wanted to do.
"Sister, if you continue with your work as normal then nothing will be out of sorts. Nothing will have changed." Sister Bernadette knew this would work, apart from the instinct to mother her, Sister Julienne would also want to act as if nothing was wrong so as not to make her feel like an invalid and to keep up hope.
Sister Julienne knew what she was doing and gave her a small knowing smile. Her friend was brave as she was stubborn, it was endearing to behold and also sad. She gave a small nod.
"As you wish."
Another smile and Sister Bernadette watched the older nun leave the room, a sad smiling following her as she closed the door. She let out a tiny sigh and shifted back a little to get comfortable in bed. Sleep, she knew wouldn't come, for two reasons. The first was the terrifying news she'd received today, her life may be in the balance and yet the second reason was keeping her more awake than that.
The second reason was in the morning she would see him again and that would keep her up any night. She sighed again and allowed the tears to come, placing her hand over her mouth to quieten the sobs she gave in to the sadness left by the day.