Chapter Text
Herman was SDN’s newest Janitor.
He was fine with that.
After filling in the proper paperwork but omitting some details like his Siren heritage, Herman was led into the janitor’s closet, where he was instructed to take a cleaning trolley and clean around the bullpen.
Does he know what chemicals are harmful? No, but he was sure it would be fine.
If he saw Mecha Man, then he’ll be fine.
He took his cleaning trolley directly to the bullpen and started mopping the floors, much to the irritation of his new co-workers. He’d lost count of how many people slipped and fell on his puddles despite there being a ‘WET FLOOR’ sign.
“You should put that fucking sign around your neck,” One of the heroes said when he nearly slipped.
Herman grit his teeth and bared the derogatory comment. He was used to this since he’d been a wet nuisance coming to land, and yet it doesn’t get any better. The side effects of being a Siren high on potions are uncontrollable powers. His Grandmother explained it was his body reacting to not being in the ocean, that it soothing the aches caused by his human body.
Across the bullpen, he spotted a familiar face, Punch Up, accompanied by a woman with colorful hair. Herman waved awkwardly to catch his attention, and Punch Up smiled before meeting him.
“You go in, lad!” Punch Up said.
Herman wrung his hands on the mop handle. “T-thanks to you,”
The woman with the colorful hair was eyeing him up and down. She asked. “Who’s the wet loser?”
“H-Hello, Nice to meet you, M-Ma’am, Miss!”
She raised a brow at Punch Up, asking the silent question, ‘Why are we talking to this loser?’
Punch Up said. “Prism met Waterboy, a guest of Captain Faust.”
Prism's eyes widen, the look of disdain vanishing instantly. She said, “Didn’t know the old coot had guests anymore.”
“Captain Faust?” Herman asked.
“Cadwell used to go by that back in the day. Then, he retired when he got some pearls the size of eyeballs and opened up a shop.” Then, Punch Up leaned close and whispered. “He still fences for us, though.”
“Really gonna rat us out like that?” Prism muttered.
“Nah, he’s good. I got a pearl necklace off the lad for cheap.”
“You mean the ones you gave to Coop? Those are expensive,” Prism smirked, leaning closer to Herman. “Got anymore pearls you wanna sell, wet guy?”
“S-Sorry, I, um, I already sold most of my pearls to Mr. Cadwell. Ask him,” He said, knowing full well Mr. Cadwell wouldn’t sell them.
Prism then called over another hero, who was sporting a tight suit and ponytail. “Hey, Flambae, come meet the new janitor.”
Herman squinted as the new hero approached them. He’d seen this man somewhere before…
“Why the fuck are we talking to a jan–” Flambae flinched at the sight of Herman.
Oh.
The first week of being on land, Herman bumped into him but couldn’t be sure because he was halfway out of his mind that night. This Flambae has seen his Siren form and is scared at the sight of him. But to remain Unsuspicious and to ease Flambea, Herman smiled and waved while showing his teeth so he’d see he had no fangs.
“Uh, you good?” Punch Up asked the frazzled Flambae.
Flambae shook his, pulling himself together before hiding his fear with a tight grin. “N-nothing, don’t have time to talk to janitors,”
Flambae fled past them before anyone could say a word, which was fine by Herman. He hoped Flambae was too embarrassed to admit he was scared of a loser janitor like him. Herman would be safer if he let Flambae believe he was delusional for seeing his true form.
Prism asked. “The fuck was that?”
Herman said. “M-maybe, he’s scared of getting wet?”
Punch Up and Prism exchanged looks, then laughed. Herman awkwardly smirked, not getting the joke at all.
Punch Up playfully hit his back, proudly saying. “Cheers, lad,”
“You’re aight, wetboy,” Prism said.
After bidding goodbye to Prism and Punch Up, he continued cleaning the bullpen, throwing trash, and leaving wet puddles while doing so.
The day rolled on, and still no sight of Mecha Man.
He wiped the sweat from his brow, his body already feeling the strain of being on land too long.
“Move!” An angry woman shoved him out of the way.
Herman barely caught himself from falling when she angrily stomped towards one of the work cubicles and smashed a donut into the computer before storming away.
Once the angry woman skulked away, he made his way to the computer she violated.
“Just…great,” Herman sighed, seeing the sticky white sugar and clumps of bread smashed in between the keyboard buttons. He took out a rag from his cleaning trolley and started to wipe the grime off the keys.
Not a moment later, he heard a voice from behind.
“Hey, kid, what are you doing?”
He swiftly turned to the voice and froze. There he was–not Mech Man but the man with stars on his face. Outside of his hero uniform, Mecha Man looked far smaller than he realized. Herman just wanted to hold him close and protect him from anyone who touched him.
Mecha Man’s eyes drifted towards the computer and grimaced.
Herman hastily explained. “No, no, I didn’t did this! There was this lady! S-She came and just smashed the thing and–She was so so angry!”
Mecha Man plucked a smashed piece of the doughnut and sniffed them before throwing it away. “What a waste of a perfectly good doughnut, my favorite too.”
“I–um–never had a doughnut before,” Herman muttered, looking at the messy doughnut.
“Seriously?” Mecha Man said. “You’re missing out. Let’s swing by for doughnuts sometime, my treat.”
“I couldn’t possibly–I wouldn’t impose, sir!”
Mecha Man laughed. “The names Robert Robertson,”
Herman whispered the name like a prayer. “Robert Robertson,”
Robert, his name is Robert. Herman’s heart was beating out of his chest just hearing it. What a splendid name for such a beautiful creature. Mecha Man sounded good, but he loved the name Robert more.
Seeing Herman’s lack of response, Robert scratched the back of his neck sheepishly as he said. “Silly name, I know–”
Herman snapped out of his daydream. “No, it’s a beautiful name. I like it,”
“So, did my father and grandfather,” Robert snorted, dismissive of the compliment, but the tips of ears were red. One of them had a notch on it, Herman noticed. He wanted to bite them.
Calm down, Herman. He told himself.
“So, you got the job?” Robert asked, taking an extra from Herman’s cleaning trolley and helping him clean his desk.
“Y-Yes, thanks to you, and Punch Up,”
Robert raised a brow. “Didn’t know you were friends with…someone like him. I mean, you don’t seem like someone who’d be in his inner circle,”
Herman snorted bitterly, looking down at the puddle that formed below him. “Like a loser?”
Robert instantly met his eyes, dismayed. “No, a nice guy,”
“Ah, um, I see,” Herman blushed, distracting himself by picking up the bits of doughnut and throwing them in the bin. “I can c-clean this up, sir, boss.”
“What? No, this is my desk, my mess.”
“Yes, but you see,” Herman pointed at the name tag with runny letters on it. “I’m your new h-he-he–”
“Hero?” Robert guessed.
“Helpful janitor. So, it’s my job–pleasure to do this, for you.”
Robert smiled, the joy reaching his beautiful brown eyes. “Okay, cool,”
“Robert, ready to go?” Blonde Blazer came up to them. This is the second time today she’s taken him away from him. The growl in his throat almost spilled out, but he covered his mouth before it surfaced.
“Good work today, Waterboy.” Blonde Blazer said, her sweet smile made him guilty. She kept his secret, and he rewarded her with jealousy and indignation. Herman’s feelings were a mess when it came to Robert.
He wasn’t sure if it was his possessive Siren nature or if it was just him. Gods, he didn’t know which was worse.
“Um, thank you, M-Miss Blazer,”
Robert slung his backpack over his shoulder and smirked. “See you around, kid,”
All the jealousy and anger dissolve instantly.
His heart soared, watching him walk away with Blonde Blazer. Robert’s name and smile were carved forever in his being.
Herman was the luckiest Siren in the world. He can’t wait to get to know him.
On Monday Morning at SDN, Herman was determined to get close to Robert.
Upon researching online, Land dwellers had courting rituals very different from those of the Sirens. While Sirens fall in love at first sight and sing to each other and kiss to mate for life, Humans have a lengthy process before they are mated. They would offer each other gifts, perform acts of service, go on dates, and spend time with each other. And some don’t even have rituals and go straight to mating for one night and leaving the next morning, no love attached.
Herman didn’t want that. Robert deserved better than a one-night stand, as humans called it.
Herman prepared a cup and poured the black sludge from the machine with cream and three spoons of sugar. He never made coffee before in his life, but he noticed humans seemed to like it.
His first gift was not extravagant, but the internet said grand gestures were a ‘red flag’ and would scare away his potential partner.
Herman walked out of the breakroom with the cup of coffee and placed it on Robert’s desk. Once he was satisfied, he smiled, but before he could walk away, he heard a cough behind him.
Herman whipped around and saw Robert. His eyes were tired, but his smile was warm.
“R-Robert–Sir, G-Good m-morning!” Herman yelped.
“Morning, Waterboy,” Robert then peeked at his desk and saw the perfectly placed mug on it. “Is that coffee?”
“Oh, um, yes! For you!”
“Thanks,” He dropped his backpack under his desk, grabbed the mug, and drank. The moment Robert tasted the coffee, he choked on it, dumping the liquid back into the mug.
Herman, horrified that he might have poisoned him, scrambled to his side. “I-I’m so, so, sorry, sir!”
Robert coughed, trying to keep a smile. “No, no, it’s good. On the sugary side, that’s all. I don’t usually make it like…this,”
“H-How do you–you make your coffee?”
“Let me show you,” He smirked and gestured for Herman to follow him.
Enchanted by his charisma, Herman followed him obediently to the breakroom. Robert pulled out two new mugs from the cabinets and pointed at the coffee machine.
“Behold, man's greatest creation, the Coffee Maker,”
Herman begged to differ, looking at Robert, but he didn’t say anything as he poured fresh coffee into the mugs.
“Get some sugar packets from the drawer for me, kid.”
“Yes, yes, sir,” Herman scrambled to open the drawer where different types of sugars, artificial sweeteners, and creams were stored. He whimpered when he couldn’t decide which one to take.
“I usually take the brown sugar,” Robert helped, pointing at the brown packets.
“S-Sorry,” Herman said.
“It’s just coffee, Waterboy. It’s not the end of the world if you choose the wrong sugar.”
“But I, just, um,” Herman wrung his gloved hands. “–wanted to do something nice–right…for you,”
Robert’s eyes softened. “That’s sweet, but you don’t have to.”
“I want to!” Herman insisted.
Seeing there was no reasoning with Herman, Robert let the subject go with a half-hearted smile. “Here, let’s do it again, hm? Sugar, please.”
Their fingers touched when Herman handed him a sugar packet. Herman’s breath stuttered when Robert’s curled index finger brushed under his, deliberate and gentle. He doesn’t miss how it lingered before Robert took the sugar packet from Herman and explained to him how he makes his coffee.
Herman was so dazed and stupidly in love that he didn’t catch a word of what Robert was saying.
“And that’s how I do it,” Robert said, presenting the perfect coffee. “Are you even listening?”
Herman snapped out of this daze. “Y-Yes!”
Robert hummed while handing the finished coffee to Waterboy. Herman sipped his coffee and frowned.
“Good?” Robert asked.
“Um, yes,” He grimaced, trying to sip the bitter coffee again.
Robert laughed, opening another sugar packet and adding it to Herman’s mug. “Now, try it.”
“M-much better, thank you,”
“Everyone has different tastes, kid. Don’t be afraid to speak up,”
They shared a quiet moment. And Herman was fine with that, until he noticed how Robert stared distantly, like something was plaguing his thoughts.
“Is something wrong, sir?” Herman asked.
“Robert, Waterboy,” He corrected, trying to change the subject.
“R-Robert,” Herman’s heart was beating fast just by uttering his name. “Is something wrong? I–I mean, you look…troubled,”
Robert doesn’t respond at first, but his eyes linger towards Herman, contemplating. It was then that he opened up his woes.
“It’s about the Z-Team. Blazer wants to send a strong message…by cutting someone from the team.” Robert’s eyes never left his coffee, as if it held all the answers. “I am all for tough love; it’s the only kind I know, but I don’t think it’s the right move. But I also see nothing is getting through to them; scaring them would motivate them.”
Herman wanted nothing more than to kiss his worries away. With a bit of courage, he spoke his opinion.
“I-I don’t know a thing about running a superhero team, but–but It kinda reminds me of what my granny said,” Herman remembered his grandmother teaching about governance when he was a kid. It just came with the territory as a prince of a kingdom. “R-Removing–C–Cutting off a fin will make a fish swim faster, but it’ll die before it finishes the race. If you cut one of them, it’ll help them now, but it won’t be good in the end,”
Robert’s brows furrowed, thinking for a moment. Herman swallowed before stammering out. “Sorry, it’s just a thought! Don’t mind me!”
“No, no, I think I get it. If we send a message, it’ll motivate them, but it’ll damage the team overall,” Robert smiled. “You’re pretty smart, Waterboy.”
“N-No, not me. My Grandma is,”
“Still insightful,” Robert paused, staring up at Herman. “This is nice, we should have coffee again.”
Herman perked. “Every morning?”
“Why not? As long as I’m making it,”
They shared a laugh as they finished their coffee. The Monday morning gift-giving ritual was a success in the end.
Later that day, the angry woman, Invisigal, turned in a criminal with a high bounty, and the entire Z-Team cheered her on. Herman watched them celebrate her victory, but he mostly had his attention on Robert, how proud he looked at all of them.
Herman wanted Robert to look at him like that, too.
The Z-Team gathered in front of the tallyboard in the bullpen and watched as Invisigal’s name shot up above a hero named Sonar and Coupé. From across the room, Herman swallowed when he saw the team look at each other, anxiously.
Among the team, the woman wearing a mask and metal wings twirled her knives nervously while a bat hybrid stared at the name on the board, processing what that meant.
“Fuck,” The bat hybrid muttered. “It’s between us, Coop,”
“I am not getting cut, Sonar. You’re the one who got cuffed because you wanted to see me undress,” The woman, Herman assumed, is Coupé, pointed her knife at Sonar.
“Yeah, but you can’t hold the weakness of good boobs against me,”
Punch Up squered up. “Keep talking like that, and see what happens.”
“If anything, Sonar deserves to stay more. Let’s face it, Coop, you still have a little evil,” Malevola stepped forward.
“The only reason why we are at the bottom is because Invisigal raised the bounty on the guy she caught. You could have caught him the second time around,” Coupé said.
“Hey, I earned my spot fair and square!” Invisigal jumped from the desk she was sitting on.
As the team was about to break into a fight, Robert approached them, head held high, and they instantly quieted.
“So? Who’s getting cut?” Malevola asked.
The pause was unnecessarily long. The team and Herman waited with bated breath until Robert smiled smugly.
“No one is getting cut; the team stays together,” Robert announced.
The team split between cheers and confusion while Herman, across the bullpen, sighed, relieved. The team might have resented Robert if he chose to cut someone. He was glad his advice got through to him. It all worked out in the end.
“So, all that stress and sabotage was for nothing?” Prism snarked.
“After watching this team function and–” Robert’s eyes caught Herman’s for a moment. “Hearing a different opinion, I convinced Blazer to let you guys stay together. But make no mistake, this is our last chance. If we fuck up one more time, even I won’t be able to save your asses.”
The Z-Team’s eyes never left Robert.
“I realized that this team, no matter how dysfunctional it is, is your second chance. You all worked so hard to be here, willing to sabotage each other just to stay. That deserved to be recognized.”
Robert commanded such attention from Z-Team; he looked grander than any metal suit he was in. Herman melted, watching him.
“Good shift, team. Dismissed.”
Herman noticed the faces of the Z-Team and felt something shift. The expressions of respect and admiration were festering in them. Robert did that, the amazing man he is.
Robert caught Herman’s gaze and smiled. He returned the gesture with a wave and a blush. Gods, he doesn’t think he could fall further; he was wrong.