Chapter Text
Izuku groans as he regains consciousness.
“Fuck,” He sits up, and surveys his body again. Another seizure. This is, what? The third one in the last thirty fucking minutes? He’s just trying to get back to the gym, but his body just feels like a live wire. Whatever Eraserhead’s quirk did it fucked with his system bad.
He shutters, and tries not to think about it. Just- Just need to get back to the room, and have a breakdown when you can hide under the covers. He just needs to stop seizing. That would be helpful. He tries to stand up, but his legs don’t cooperate yet so he sinks back down onto his knees. He feels tears well up in his eyes, as he grips his pants with shaky hands. He just wants to get back. Just- just a little bit farther. He can do this.
Part of him is glad Eraserhead was just as shaken as he was and didn’t try following him after that, because there is no way Izuku would have been able to get away this time.
Izuku takes a deep breath, and feels his heart stutter from the anxiety that threatens to overwhelm him again. Izuku was dead. For like a minute, so not long, but he was gone. He could have just- not woken up? Somehow Eraser got his heart to jump start his quirk again with CPR.
Izuku hadn’t felt his ribs break from the compressions, but he did feel them knitting themselves back together once his quirk was functioning again. Eraser had to do CPR long enough to do that-
He feels nauseous again, and he takes another shaky breath. Izuku wipes the tears as he fails to hold them back.
Shit. He’s such a mess. Cry baby deku with the broken quirk.
He needs to get up, but all the adrenaline from the night has run out. He’s so tired. His head feels foggy from the seizures, and the pressure headache is the last thing that he understands at the moment. Just a dull pain pressing at his skull, reminding him of how much he fucked up tonight.
He blinks at the night sky above him, and in the moment of weakness, he wishes for his mother again. Remembering when she would carry him to bed when his headaches were bad. Mom would tuck his Allmight themed blanket around him and hum him a lullaby to help him fall asleep.
Izuku hums a bit of that rhyme to himself now. Izuku’s not really aware enough to feel embarrassed about humming it, so he keeps humming as he forces himself to stand up.
His legs are still numb and shaky but he wills himself to stay up right. Just need to start moving, once he’s moving it will be easier to stay moving. He can cry as he’s moving, he just needs to get back so he can sleep.
Ironic isn’t it? Having one of the strongest healing quirks with such exploitable weakness. He feels a bit like that glass project he remembered being shown in middle school. Hit the glass drop at one angle, and even a bullet can’t break it. But hit it on the tail? The whole thing shatters.
Izuku feels a bit like a million shards of broken glass. His brain hurts, his body feels distant, every step feels like it's taking eternity. He’s so tired.
He rubs at his running nose, smearing gunk on his sleeve. He doesn’t even care that it’s a bit gross. Not the worst that's gotten on this jacket anyways.
Another step, another step. Minutes start to go by as he works his way towards that familiar street.
Finally.
When he's back in his room, he rips off his costume and takes him about three seconds before deciding he needs a shower. Even though he can barely stand right now, his skin is crawling. He needs a reset and the spray of the water will do just that. Something normal to shock his system in a normal way. He’s so tired of his body resetting through seizures. Plus he has fallen down like four times today, he’s pretty sure there’s mud in his hair.
One dissociation shower later and Izuku’s collapsing into bed. He knows he’s supposed to go work on his classes tomorrow at the quirkless center but he knows that he will not be getting up tomorrow. Tomorrow is going to be Izuku’s freak out day.
But for now… he’s going to let the exhaustion take over, as that is working faster than his anxiety. He promptly passes out before he can think anymore about tonight's events.
-
Shouta blinks as he focuses on... yellow hair? In front of him.
“Hizashi?” He asks. Is he hallucinating his husband? Why is Hizashi here while he’s on patrol?
“Tsukauchi called me, frantically saying I needed to pick you up.” Hizashi answers. Huh. Shouta blinks at him again, barely understanding the words.
“Yeah, so come on, I’m taking you home.” Hizashi says again.
Home. Home sounds good.
Shouta agrees with a quiet “Okay.”
Shouta lets his husband guide him home. He’s not really sure if Hizashi has been talking, he can’t focus on anything in front of him.
All he can think about is the feeling of the kid’s lifeless body beneath his hands. How he had been the one to put the kid in that position. How- how had it gone so wrong so quickly? He’s never ever had that reaction with eraser before. If Martyr’s quirk is that integrated into his body, that would have made it into a mutant type, which Shouta should not have been able to erase?
The kid was right, his quirk doesn’t make sense. Every time it interacts with the world, it seems to be making its own rules, for better or worse.
Right now it was looking more for the worse.
And now that gap Shouta was trying to get across is probably even wider. No way Martyr is going to go anywhere near him now.
Shouta… failed. He’s failed this kid in so many ways, and he isn’t sure there is a way to fix it. How do you start an apology about this? Sorry I killed you, it was an accident! Shouta saw the panic in Martyr’s eyes when he finally realized what had happened. There’s no repairing that kind of damage in a relationship. Maybe he should ask Tsukauchi to find someone else to take on the case.
He got too deep and he drowned under the pressure. Failed the kid when he needed him the most, so now maybe he should get someone else better to help Martyr. There’s plenty of hero‘s better at handling traumatized teenagers.
Why did Shouta even think he could do this? He barely handles his own class, as a strict distant teacher. He’s not fit to be a sole mentor, definitely not one that needs as much support as Martyr clearly needs.
Something soft presses against his cheek, and Shouta blinks at the scene before him.
Oh. When did they get back to the apartment? He’s sitting on their couch. His cat is rubbing his face on Aizawa's scruff, not caring about the man's current swirling despair.
He places a hand on the back of the feline and slowly runs his fingers through his fur. The contact helps bring him back into himself.
“You back with us?” Hizashi’s voice floats in from the kitchen. Shouta looks up to see his husband making something at the stove.
“I-” His voice cuts out a bit, constricted from emotion. Shouta clears throat and tries again, “Yes. I think so. How- how long?”
“Not that long. Just the car ride back, it's only been about ten minutes since I got you to sit on the couch.”
“Sorry.”
Hizashi shakes his head, “Honey, you didn’t do anything wrong. Well, maybe you should have called me as well, but I’m just glad you are okay. Well, mostly.”
Mostly. Sure.you in the ambulance.”
Shouta winces. He doesn’t even remember seeing the detective- He was really out of it wasn’t he? Did that count as shock? Shouta’s not really sure.
It’s just- seeing the dead kid like that. It reminded him too much of Oboro. Another person Shouta was close to and couldn’t save. Another life he watched slip away…
Shouta takes a deep breath through his nose. This was not like Oboro. Martyr is still alive. He may have fucked up but at least the kids breathing again.
He has to do better next time. Be a better hero. The new school year is starting up soon, meaning he will have a whole class of fresh hero hopefuls. For once, Shouta is dreading it. He’s usually pretty confident in how he runs his class… but with everything that’s happened with Martyr is he even that good of a teacher?
Shouta goes to bed later wondering how Martyr’s doing. Is he sleeping okay? Did he have another seizure? Where is that boy even staying?
How is he supposed to pay attention to the entrance exams in a few days when this happens?
-
To no one's surprise Izuku the next day is a mess ball of anxiety. He doesn’t get up, he just lays in bed. He probably has a bunch of messages from the twins but his phone is dead. He can see it sitting on the floor where he left it last night. He couldn’t bother to plug it in last night, and he can’t find the effort to plug it in now.
It’s weird though, feeling this... fragile. All Izuku’s ever been is weak and this was a whole different level.
He doesn’t blame Eraser either. It’s not his fault that Izuku’s quirk is like this. Knowing the man, he probably blames himself, which makes Izuku feel even more guilty. This is why he should have just stayed away from him. Ugh. Why are adults so stubborn?
It would have been so much easier if they all just left him alone.
It’s a few hours before Izuku crawls out of bed. He doesn’t really want to, but he really needs to pee.
He also can’t lie in bed forever, even if he wants to. He needs to work on his school work. He needs to text Shinso, he needs to clean his costume.
A little later though.
Later would be better.
-
The day of the entrance exam is today. Izuku isn’t there. Izuku was never going to be there, remember? He’s laying in bed again, the headache is bad today. He wonders if it's a side effect of what happened.
Izuku wonders if Kacchan is going to get the top score. He hopes Shinso doesn’t end up near him, just for the purple haired boy’s sake. Their last conversation, Shinso was clearly nervous for the exam. He feels bad, but he cancelled on their last meet up, saying he wasn’t feeling well. He hopes Shinso’s ready.
He really thinks the boy has a real shot at it, even though Izuku wishes he could help him more. It’s not like he could go to help him, that's a dumb thought.
Besides, what kind of mess would that be? Imagine if Kacchan saw him?
But he can’t help but wonder, maybe in a different life, he would have been there today. Facing down the practical exam with vigor. But that isn't reality.
Izuku doesn’t get what he wants.
He pulls his blanket over his head and tries to sleep the day away.
-
A week later Shinso calls him frantically. Izuku’s at the center doing his school work, so he ends up stepping into the bathroom, to not disturbed the rest of the room
“I got in! Izuku I got in!”
Izuku blinks, he’s never heard his friend this excited and loud before.
“Into UA?” Izuku breathes.
“The hero course, I got into the hero course! I really thought I wouldn’t, been expecting the announcement to say for gen ed but then there were apparently rescue points? So that boosted my score?”
“Really? That’s great Shinso!”
“Hitoshi’s fine, Izuku. You only gave me your first name, and you saved my butt. I wouldn’t have been able to get in without your help. So please, just use my first name.”
“Oh. Um. Well, you’re welcome.”
“I just wish you could get in too. You fight better than I do. Maybe there's-”
“No.”
“Izuku.”
“Shin-Hitoshi- It’s fine. Thanks, but it’s better if I'm not at UA.”
“If you say so. Did you want to meet up again? We could celebrate by going to the cat cafe again?”
“Okay, how about tomorrow?”
“Great!”
After the two of them say their goodbye’s Izuku makes his way back into the common room of the center.
“You good?”
“Huh?” Izuku blinks and remembers that he is in fact sitting next to Naoko. “Oh. Yeah, my friend- he got into UA.”
“Oh that’s great!” Naoko says, “That school’s super hard to get into, right?”
“Yeah. Just reminded me about how… I really wanted to go. When I was younger.”
Naoko winces, “Yeah. Hero schools don’t really take quirkless students.”
Izuku shakes his head, “Actually UA got rid of that rule. But…” He trails off.
“Has there ever been one to make it in?”
Izuku shakes his head again, “No. I wanted to be the first.”
Suddenly there are arms wrapping around his shoulders. A hug?
“I’m sorry.” Naoko pulls away a bit, but she's still looking over Izuku’s face.
She sighs and continues, “I want to go to university and become a doctor. But that’s expensive, and most scholarships reject quirkless applicants immediately. I know I need to just… accept that it’s probably not gonna happen.”
“It’s hard to give up on a dream you’ve carried for a long time.” Izuku whispers.
Naoko bites her lip, “Yeah.”
Izuku looks up at her, a little more light in his eyes, “I think you should do it anyways Naoko. Prove them wrong.”
Naoko laughs, “There’s that Izuku’s determination. This is why I’m actually the crazier twin. Dreaming too big. Why do you think I’m still going through with high school?”
“What? Don’t like quadratic formulas for the fun of it?” Izuku says.
Naoko makes a face at him, “No, not at all. But I’ll get through it. Besides, I want to be a doctor for my people. Our people. There might not be many of us left but we exist, and should be treated just the same.”
Midoriya thinks back to his doctors and tries not to shudder. He hated how many appointments he sat through.
“I think if I had a quirkless doctor growing up maybe they would have helped me more.” Izuku grumbles.
Naoko raises an eyebrow, “You were at the doctors a lot?”
Izuku turns red, Shit this is getting a bit too close to quirk talk.
“Uh. Yeah. I, um. I have seizures. Never found out the cause…” Izuku pulls away from Naoko and looks away.
Naoko immediately moves back, realizing she made him uncomfortable. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to pry. That’s your business.’
“Thanks.”
They fall into an uncomfortable silence, and they both end up moving their focus back onto their computers. These assignments won’t complete themselves.
-
Izuku’s trying to patrol but apparently he’s still recovering from the incident. He barely got slashed by some guy's knife quirk and he dropped into a seizure. Like- the fuck?? And then the guy got away! Stupid stupid Stupid!
His quirk has always been volatile but this? This was the cherry on top. It was fine last week too? He got punched in the face, he healed no problems? Why is his quirk acting up this way? He just wants to do his job, let go and put some use out of this quirk, but no-
He kicks the wall of the alleyway, barely registering the pain from breaking his toe against the brick wall. His head feels loopy again.
And he’s down again.
A few minutes later he jolts back into consciousness and just… cries.
The anger bleeds into grief and he sobs as he lays on the ground of the alleyway. The frustration is overwhelming. He can’t even try to help people like this.
Weak. Useless. Deku.
There’s gotta be a way for it to correct itself, right? What if he just needs a major healing or something. He needs a control test group. Or a way to build back up the stamina. Something to test for better results. The ring? He could do some fights. Okay tomorrow night, he’s going to try to jumpstart his quirk. Or something.
-
Izuku slams the door as he walks back into the gym, his only focus is to go down to the underground ring and sign up for the fights tonight.
“Hey, kid-”
“Not now Hotaru. I am not in the mood.” Izuku says as he storms past the man, but Hotaru grabs at his shoulder. Izuku tries to shrug him off, but the man holds steady, not loosening his grip at all.
“Everyone’s worried about you, kid, I just wanted to talk to you.”
“I’m fine.”
“One of the residents said you had a seizure in the hallway yesterday.”
“So? You know I have those. It’s normal for me. Now leave me alone.”
“That isn’t though is it? You’ve been distracted, more… like it was, before. Did something happen?”
“It doesn't matter.”
“Son-”
“I am not your son! I barely know you Hotaru. Like thanks, you gave me a place to crash, and I’ll always be grateful, but we aren’t friends! We aren’t family! I’m just a shitty teenager you took pity on, and that’s fine, I don’t need to be taken care off, I’m fine.”
Hotaru sighs and looks Izuku in the eye with so much pain.
Izuku freezes up so bad as he stares at the man in front of him. So badly he doesn’t even move away when Hotaru drops his grip from his arm.
“My son… used to say that to me a lot when he was around your age.”
Izuku is shocked, “You have a son?”
“I did. He died. I wasn’t able to protect him.”
Oh shit. Izuku’s an asshole.
Hotaru sits down hard on the chair at the table, and Izuku slowly sinks in the chair next to him.
“I’m sorry.” Izuku says, unsure of what else to say. This is all very new to him, he really didn’t know much about Hotaru, Izuku honestly thought he just had the gym. Though… it sounds like maybe the gym is all he had left. Great job Izuku, forgetting that other people have their own lives and shitty luck!
“I am sorry, Izuku. Maybe it is a bit of pity, but how could I not? Do you remember when we met?”
Izuku nods, “I came in with Shoto demanding a chance to fight.”
“I should have thrown you out immediately.”
Izuku honestly always wondered about that. He knew that no other kids are anywhere near the gym, he always steers them away from fighting. “You should have. Why didn’t you?”
“I saw this kid scrawny kid, coming into my store, sporting some fake confidence, wearing bright red shoes-”
Oh shit- Izuku nervously tucks his feet back underneath his chair. “What? My shoes-”
“You see, I have seen that type of shoe before. Not my own, but my husband and son both had to wear them.”
“Your son and husband are quirkless?” Izuku blurts out.
Hotaru sighs again and rubs his hands on his face, clearly struggling to talk about this. “Were. They both were. Both of them are gone now. So imagine my surprise seeing a young boy coming in wearing the same shoes?”
“Sorry.” Izuku says instantly. And he really is, like imagine if someone who reminded him of his mother walked in suddenly making demands? He would have reacted a lot differently than Hotaru.
Hotaru shakes his head though, “I was mostly surprised, but not as surprised when I saw you use your quirk. I assumed you were quirkless but then you healed that cut instantly in front of me? I was shocked.”
Fuck. How does Izuku even explain something that doesn’t even make sense? “I’m a late bloomer?” Izuku tries, “It’s- Honestly I’m not even sure how? Everyone said I was quirkless, but I guess it just took a while?”
Hotaru leans forward, “Son, you don’t have to lie to me. You got that quirk from someone right?”
Izuku’s speechless. Huh? Got- got a quirk from someone? That’s impossible- isn’t it? Well maybe not. Quirks do the impossible everyday right?
Hotaru's looks at him, eyes drilling into him, studying his face. “My son was only a little older than you are now when he died. That was… about ten years ago. Back then, people were just starting to get nasty towards quirkless folks, and no doubt it has gotten worse, yes?”
Izuku just nods mutely. Where is this even going? Izuku’s not lying. He knows his quick is well weird. But it's the truth!
“My son… My Isamu, he was desperate. He wanted to fit in so bad, so he searched and searched for some way to get a quirk. I didn’t like it, and neither did my husband. He isn’t my biological son. I married my husband after he had him, but he was mine. I cared for him deeply, but he said I would never understand, and I know I couldn’t. I wasn’t quirkless like them. He got… into something. Was promised if he did enough things that he would get a quirk out of it. He wouldn’t tell me the details- I only found out by accident. I tried to get him to stop but I only drove him deeper into it. I- I failed him. Kid, I know I am not your father, and I don’t need to be. But I also don’t want you to end up like my son.”
“I’m not-” Izuku tries but his throat tightens up.
“Then how did you get this quirk? I tried to find the bastard, you know. The one who got my son killed, but it was so much. Whispers about a demon lord, someone you never wanted to owe, because then he will own you. Every bit of information was terrible and pointed to the worst villain you could imagine. Did you make a deal with this man? Is that why you are hiding here? Did he find you?”
Izuku shakes his head. “I don’t know a demon lord- I didn’t get my quirk from someone Hotaru. It’s just me. I don’t know what my quirk is, and why it acts like this but it wasn’t because I made a deal with someone.”
Hotaru looks unconvinced, but his shoulders sag slightly, as if he expected to not get any answers out of Izuku. “Alright, son. Just know, you can back out okay? Don’t let go of that pure heart of yours okay? You can have a future ahead of you, don’t throw that away.”
“I- Okay.” Izuku tentatively agrees. He’s not sure how to process this conversation. He had been so angry at the beginning but now he just feels… sad.
And guilty.
Hotaru really has done a lot for him, maybe he should have tried to reach out more too? It’s not like he tried to get to know the man at all either. Izuku had just assumed it was strictly a strategic move to help his business, but now. There was a lot more to this that he didn’t understand before. More that he didn’t even realize was there to begin with.
Why is everything always so complicated?
“What about.. your husband?” Izuku asks and winces. He doesn’t know if he should even ask.
“A few months after Isamu died… He took his own life.”
“Oh-” Izuku shouldn’t have asked! He really shouldn’t have asked, he’s fucking this conversation up so badly.
“Don’t waste your breath kid, I know you feel bad. I have been alone a long while now. It was hard. It’s still hard. But it’s not your responsibility.” Hotaru pokes him in the chest. “You hear me?”
“I- uh, yes?”
“Good. I know you have trouble with needing to help everyone, but some things need to be left alone.”
“Okay. I got it.” Izuku mutters.
“Now, you get what I’m saying, boy? You need to be careful. I know you aren’t going to tell me everything, and that’s fine. I know I can’t force you. But don’t forget to lean on others. You got that hero, you hang around right?”
Izuku sits up straight, “Huh? How do you know about Eraser- uh- the hero.”
Hotaru cracks a smile, really the first one of the night. It’s nice to see after all the heaviness of the previous conversation. “You think I don't pay attention to who's around the neighborhoods? Especially heroes? Boy, I may be getting older, but I’m not senile.”
“I know that! I just- I didn’t-” Izuku stutters out.
“He seems like a good guy. Been keeping a lot more of the nasty people out of these areas for years now, long before you started to try to do the same. He's a good influence on you.”
Izuku turns a bit red, “I guess.”
“So don’t forget what I said. Don’t lose out on the people around you. Whatever happens, don’t let it drag you under. You’re a strong kid.”
“I’ll try.” Izuku doesn’t need to mention that he royally messed up his relationship with Eraser. Hotaru doesn’t need to know this.
“Good. Now get out of my gym. You’re still banned from fighting in the ring.”
Izuku pouts a bit, he’s not angry about it- not anymore, but he does miss the rush.
“How did you even know I was coming in here to do that?”
“You had that self destructive look in your eye again.”
“Self destructive- what?” Izuku sputters out.
“You heard me.” The stubborn man says.
“Will you ever let me fight again?” Izuku asks.
“Maybe when you’re older.”
“Older? Hey! I’m plenty older.”
“Fine. If you get any taller.”
Izuku gaps at him. Did he just go there-
“Wow. Actually that’s the meanest thing anyone has said to me. How dare you-” Izuku whines.
“Out! No kids allowed. Go to the park or something, take the night off completely from the ring and your vigilante stuff. Maybe go to an arcade? What do kids really do these days?”
“I’m anything but a normal teenager, Hotaru-”
“Good! Then go find out! Go hang out with that friend of yours without getting into more trouble!”
Izuku is guided out the door and suddenly he’s standing outside, the sun is setting, leading everything to be lit in a warm glow.
He… has a lot to think about. And maybe something he should evaluate about rushing into. And maybe… maybe he should apologize to Eraser? First he dies on the Eraserhead, and then he finds out Hotaru lost his actual son? How much trauma has everyone truly been through around him. This seems more than average.
Izuku sighs and rubs at his tired eyes.
It’s… been a long week. Shinso texted him about getting his UA uniform and even asked for tips for his costume. Shoto’s… been quiet. Probably his dad being overbearing, pushing for last minute training before he starts school. He’s going to miss hanging out with Shoto during the days he sneaks out.
Izuku decides to text him anyways, just to see if he’ll reply.
-
Shoto doesn’t get back to him for a few days. In fact, it’s the night before he is supposed to go to UA for the first time.
Shoto: Sorry. Dear old Dad was keeping me busy.
Izuku : thats okay, shoto, maybe we can meet up after you get out of school?
Shoto: I won’t be able to on the first day, does Tuesday work?
Izuku : great! sounds like a plan! do try to make some friends
Shoto : I don’t need more friends, I have you.
Izuku : shoto!!
Izuku sighs at his phone and flops onto his bed.
Well. At least tomorrow he has two people he can ask if UA is anything like he dreamed it to be. It’s a new start for them, which is great! It just reminds Izuku how he seems to be the one who stuck.
His quirk never improved; he's just in a circle of pain. But… something has to give right?
Izuku doesn’t know if that will be a good thing or not.
A lot of bad things keep happening, but he’s… still here. But it feels like there’s something.
Something’s coming, and Izuku’s unsure how well he will measure up. That this- this may be the breaking point. But with what? Izuku? His friendships? His schooling?
He doesn’t know.
-
A screen crackles to life, and a voice filters through. “So, Doctor, is the nomu ready for the attack? Tomura is very eager to use it in action.”
“Yes it is. I finally got that copy base of the healing quirk we created to bind correctly to the nomu. It should be unstoppable now. It should be able to stand up to Allmight.”
A smile creeps onto All for ones face. “Good. Tomura will be pleased, and I will enjoy seeing how Tomura will fare in this test.”
“Anything else, sir?”
“It is a shame that the boy perished just when that quirk seemed to have finally been developing. No matter though, with his DNA samples we had, we made it useful. At least now the nomu have that fast regeneration.”
“Yes. I am- Sorry I wasn’t paying closer attention to the boy during that time-”
“Doctor. You were focusing on my care and surgeries. We might not have ended up with a healing quirk that can help me, but the nomu are strong. I look forward to seeing the world we can create with them at our heel.”