Chapter Text
“Hey, Simmons. Have you seen Wash?” Tucker asked Simmons who was standing outside Red Base with Grif.
“Yeah, he’s been inside the base talking about feelings and shit,” Simmons replied sounding annoyed. “We haven’t been inside all day because we don’t wanna be dragged into that shit.”
Tucker scoffed and walked into the base, rounding the corner into the Red’s makeshift living room. His heart dropped at the sight of Wash and Donut on the couch making out, Wash’s hands moving all over Donut’s body and Donut gasping for air when Wash moved to his neck. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. That morning Wash was telling him how much he meant to him, that he loved him, but now he’s making out with Donut? Tucker become overwhelmed with a sense of betrayal and anger and he stormed out of the base, ignoring Grif and Simmons snide remarks as he left.
Tucker stormed into Blue Base shouting profanities, slamming the door behind him. He found himself in the kitchen when Caboose wonders in.
“Tucker! Why are you-”
“Fuck off, Caboose!” Tucker yelled, causing Caboose to retreat.
He heard quiet footsteps followed the gentle click of the base door being closed. He placed his hands on the kitchen bench and sighed, hanging his head in despair. Out the corner of his eye he notices Wash’s half-drunk coffee cup from that morning. He must have been with Donut all day since he hadn’t cleaned it up. Another burst of rage flooded his body and he brushed it off the bench, watching it as it fell and shattered on the floor. He stared at the mess for a few more seconds, a stray tear falling from his face to splash on the bench. Why was he crying? This was fucking stupid.
“Fuck you, Wash, you son of a bitch,” he says through gritted teeth, “You don’t deserve my tears.”
“Really?” Wash’s voice is heavy with sadness. Tucker turns sharply, quickly wiping the tears from his face, “Because you deserve mine.”
“Oh no, you piece of shit,” Tucker snapped, stepping back, “I thought I could trust you.”
“Tucker, what’s wrong?”
“I thought I loved you.”
Hearing Tucker say that felt like a knife had just gone through is heart. “You-you love me?”
Tucker laughed bitterly. “Yeah, how stupid was I?”
“Tucker, why are you upset with me? Why are you telling me this?”
“I saw you,” Tucker began and Wash felt his heart drop as he wishes that he didn’t know the words that were about to follow. “At red base, with Donut. How could you lead me on like that? And then tell me that you love me? That’s fucked up!”
“It isn’t what you think-”
“Were you getting bored with Donut and wanted someone new? Or do you just move on that quickly when someone doesn’t say they love you back straight away?”
“Tucker, please, listen to me.”
“You know, I was trying to find you ‘cause I wanted to apologise, and tell you that I do love you, that I should’ve said something.”
“That’s why I was there,” Wash said, finally able to talk, “I told you how I really feel and when you ran away, I thought you hated me and I thought that all the touching and flirting was just me getting too wrapped up in you. I was upset. I was hurting. I was sure that you would hate me, so I went to the only person I know who was good with feelings.”
“…Donut.”
“Donut,” he repeated. “And we talked. He was there for me. He told me that there was no way that you didn’t love me, and even of you didn’t, you wouldn’t hate me for it. Donut was telling me about him and Doc, and how they were doing a ‘trial relationship’ where they were seeing each other, but could see other people on the side until they made it official. He suggested that we do the same as Donut didn’t see you as the commitment type. That kind of hurt, Donut thinking that you wouldn’t want a proper relationship with me, but I was feeling better, and I felt something for Donut at that time. Nothing like what I feel for you, but there was something there. Affection, I guess. Whatever it was, I acted on it. I was lonely and vulnerable and, so, I kissed him, and he kissed me back. It was nice, but it didn’t fill the gaping hole you left when you walked away. Things got more serious, but Donut stopped me. He told me that sleeping with someone else wasn’t going to fix anything, that it’ll only make things worse. And he was right. I love you, not him, not anyone. Just you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I regret it so much and I don’t expect you to forgive me, or even trust me.”
Wash turned away from Tucker, whose face was now softer, and began to walk away. He felt a hand on his shoulder before he was spun around. He was surprised when he realised that it was Tucker, who wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him down into a kiss. It was sweet and didn’t last nearly as long as Wash would have liked.
“What was that for?” Wash said, breathless.
Tucker let out a small laugh. “Dude, chill out. You’re Agent Washington. You’re not exactly perfect, and I don’t expect you to be. Yeah it might take me a while to get over the whole you and Donut thing, but we all make mistakes, and we all do stupid shit that we regret. It’s what makes us human. It’s how we grow as individuals,” Tucker pulled Wash back in for another kiss before finishing, “its how we grow as a couple.”
“So does this mean we’re…” Wash gestures between the two of them.
“Together? Yeah. I’m gonna prove Donut wrong with the whole ‘Tucker isn’t one for commitment’ comment of his.”
All Wash could do was laugh.
Tucker and Wash stood in their kitchen for what felt like an eternity, stuck in each other’s embrace, exchanging gentle kisses every now and then, neither of them wanting to move until they hear Caboose enter the base.
Tucker had a startled look on his face and shoved Wash as far away from him as possible. Wash felt hurt and confused as Caboose entered the room, announcing that he is glad there is no more yelling and that he is off to bed.
“What the fuck was that?” Wash said more pissed than confused.
“Wash, look, I’m sorry. But no one can know about us. Donut is the only one who can know,” Tucker said and Wash has never heard him sound so serious.
“But why?” Wash took a small step towards Tucker, who stepped towards him, closing the gap. He reaches out and brushed his hand down Wash’s arm before taking hold of his hand and pulling it to his chest.
“They just can’t, okay?” Tucker’s voice is small and full of pain and it hurts Wash to hear. “Please. They just can’t.”
--
It had been a week since Wash and Tucker became a thing, and Wash wished he could say that it’d been the best week of his life, but he just can’t.
To throw everyone off their trail, Tucker made Wash switch rooms with Caboose, even though Wash told him that that made things look even more suspicious, to which Tucker replied “They’ll probably think we got sick of each other or we fought or something.” Wash so badly wanted to argue but considering how important this is to his new partner, he let it go.
Every night after Caboose went to sleep, Tucker would go and curl up with Wash in his new room, but every morning when he woke up, Tucker was gone and his heart ached over the cold, empty side of the bed where his partner should be.
Wash longed for more attention. He was finally with the man he wanted to be with and he had to wait until everyone was asleep before he could so much as even touch him. Every time Wash got too close to Tucker outside, he would step away. Every time he went to say something affectionate, Tucker would shut him up and pretend to argue with him. Wash was fortunate that they still talked, but whenever the conversation took a turn towards something that might imply that they were a thing, Tucker would get really uncomfortable and change the subject. They still spent the same amount of time together as they did before, but to Wash, it felt emptier.
So, Wash decided to do something about it.
Caboose had gone to sleep and Wash waited for the soft footsteps and the quiet click of his door closing as Tucker came in to rest beside him.
Wash held Tucker in his arms for a minute before finally saying, “Tucker, we need to talk.”
Tucker tensed as he sat upright, following Wash's lead.
“Tucker, I love you. And I want to be able to tell you that, and tell you that every time you look at me, I see the stars in your eyes. But I can’t because you won’t let me. I understand that you don’t want people to know, but isn’t this a little much? I mean, you’re my boyfriend, but it doesn’t feel like it. The only time I’m happy is here, now, when I can tell you everything I’ve wanted to say to you throughout the day. Even when we’re outside alone with our radios off, you won’t even let me say how pretty your eyes are.” Wash reaches out his hand and places it over Tucker’s before continuing, “All I’m asking is that you let me be your boyfriend, you know? Sit on the roof with me again and watch over the canyon, let me hold your hand when no one’s looking, let me give you a kiss in the morning before Caboose comes in for breakfast. I’m not asking for much here, I’m just asking for a little bit more of you.”
Tucker was silent for a minute, worry brewing in Wash's chest. “Yeah, of course,” He finally said, “I can do that. I guess I was too swept up in my own fear of being caught to realise that there are two people in this relationship.”
“Thank you,” Wash smiled and gently pushed Tucker back against the bed. He straddled him and peppered small kisses all over his chest.
“Damn, you are welcome. I should be a dick more often,” Tucker said with a cocky smile that was replaced by a gasp when Wash grazes his teeth up his neck.
“You’re always a dick,” Wash whispered in his ear, “and shut up, or someone will hear you.”
--
Wash woke the next morning expecting his lover to have left him alone sometime during the night. He rolled over and stretched his arm out but was surprised when his hand touched soft, warm skin. He opens his eyes in time to see Tucker jump awake from the touch. He rolled over and his eyes widen in fear when he realised that he wasn’t in his own bed.
“Hey, hey, whoa. It’s okay, Tucker,” Wash said, gently stroking Tucker’s arm, “you don’t have to worry. Caboose isn’t going to get up until I wake him. It’s fine. Stay here a little longer. Please?” Wash ran his fingers up to cup Tucker’s face.
This seems to ease his nerves because Tucker rolled back to rest his head on Wash’s chest and place his arm around his hip.
“Okay.”
They step out of the room and move into the kitchen. Wash has his arm wrapped around Tucker’s waist but retracts it quickly when he notices movement in the kitchen.
“Oh gosh, well aren’t you two the cutest!” Donut squealed.
“Donut?” The pair say in unison – an equal mix of confusion and surprise.
“Oh, sorry! I was looking for Caboose. He was meant to meet me at the cave half an hour ago so I thought I’d come see if he was alright.” Donut was fiddling nervously with his helmet in his hands.
“That’s my fault. I forgot to wake him, sorry,” Wash apologises.
“That’s alright! Just tell him to come to Red Base when he’s ready,” Donut said as he began to head towards the door. Before he leaves, he turns around and adds, “You two look the happiest you’ve ever been. And you haven’t yelled at me yet either! Keep doing whatever you’ve been doing ‘cause you look great.”
Tucker snorts at that statement and slaps Wash on the ass, receiving a surprised shout. “Oh I plan too.”
Donut gave them a wink and shut the door to the base behind him.
“I thought you-Don’t you-” Wash tries, but his confused look said more than his words needed to.
“It’s just Donut. He already knows anyway,” Tucker said, giving Wash a kiss on the cheek, “and you were right. I like this showing affection thing and with the fact that we could get caught makes it even hotter. You’d better go wake Caboose, I’m gonna have a shower. Last night was fun and all but I don’t wanna smell like it all day.”
--
It was late and Tucker was asleep in his own bed for the first time since being with Wash. Caboose was over at Red Base having a sleepover with Donut so it was finally peaceful. As much as he loved being with Wash at night, it was nice to have a bed to himself. After all, these military grade beds aren’t exactly made for more than one person.
Tucker was woken by a gentle knocking at his bunk’s door. He stumbled out of bed finds a pair of pants to put on before answering the door. He’s surprised to see Wash standing on the other side. His eyes are red and watery.
“Tucker I just… I just need you right now,” Wash’s voice was quiet and slightly brittle. Tucker has never heard Wash sound like this and it sparks worry inside his chest.
“Yeah, come in,” Tucker moved to the side and Wash stepped in, continuing to take a seat on Tucker’s bed. Tucker peeked out of the room to make sure no one saw Wash enter. He shut the door when he was satisfied no one else was around and turned to see Wash sitting with his elbows on his knees, his head buried in his hands. Tucker felt a new level of concern flow through him. He’d seen Wash exhausted before, he’s seen him mopey before, but never upset like this.
Tucker took a seat next to Wash, pressing himself up as close as he can get. He can’t hide the level of concern in his voice when he asks, “Dude, something’s up with you. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Can we please just lay down for a while?” Wash’s voice was so small and Tucker was surprised that he was able to hear him.
Tucker simply nods and waits for Wash to get comfortable before he moves up against him. Wash pulled him close, wrapping his arms around him and pulled him tight to his chest.
“Woah, did you see me die or something?” Tucker asked teasingly, only to have Wash burry his head deep into Tucker’s hair. He feels what he assumes is a tear fall from Wash’s face onto his scalp.
“Something like that,” Wash sobbed.
He held Tucker like that until he had calmed down enough to speak.
“I just… I can’t believe it. I can’t believe that I’m this lucky to be laying right next to you. I can touch you, I can kiss you, I can…” Wash nuzzles his face down into Tucker’s neck.
“What’s all this about?”
Wash took a deep breath, slowly piecing the words together before continuing, “I haven’t exactly had the best luck. Hell, literally everyone here knows about the time Carolina shot a grappling hook at my balls because I was scared. I’ve never gotten what I’ve wanted. I always thought it was rude to complain when you didn’t get what you wanted, and then nothing I wished for came true and I started asking myself, do I not deserve my wishes and dreams to come true?. This was especially the case when I saw North’s body lying there on the recovery mission. I just wished he was alive. I wanted one, just one of my friends to be alive. But no. No wish of mine has ever come true. You see, the luck I’ve had could make a good man bad. And it did. I shot and killed… nearly killed Donut,” Wash choked back a sob but continued anyway. “But then I saw you, Tucker. There was something about you that caught my eye. I’m so glad I never killed you and your friends like Maine - The Meta wanted. Then I got to work with you. The more I watched you, the harder it was to look away. I hadn’t had a dream since I began at Project Freelancer and all of a sudden, there you are in a dream; multiple dreams. You stirred the butterflies that I hadn’t felt in years and I wished, oh I wished so hard for you to feel something back. But when I turned around to see you after I confessed my feeling for you to Donut was the most agonizing moment of my life for fear of you absolutely hating me. But you didn’t start yelling at me, you didn’t storm away, no. You listened to what I had to say. You said those feelings were mutual. Normally that isn’t a big deal, it happens millions of times every day to people fucking everywhere, but this was special, because that was the first time that something had gone right for me,” Wash tightened his hold on Tucker that had slipped whilst he was talking, “And now… Now I’m terrified that I’m going to lose you,” he paused, “or that you’ll leave me.”
Tucker gently wiped away the tears on Wash’s face, then pulled him into his chest, slowly stroking his hair as he wept. Tucker felt tears welling in his eyes. “Shh, Wash, it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.”
When Tucker woke up, Wash was nowhere in sight. He lets out a deep sigh and stretched his arm over the cold section that was previously occupied by his lover. Tucker knows that it’s for the best but after last night, he wishes that Wash was still there next to him, held tight in his arms.
--
The Reds were gathered around the com tower as Wash and Tucker attempt to make another distress call when Caboose wondered over to them.
“What are we all doing over here? Oh! Are we having a party? I like parties,” Shouts Caboose.
“Caboose shut up,” Grif grumbled. “We’re trying to listen to Wash.”
“So no party?”
“No!”
“We’ve attempted to fix it but we haven’t had much luck. Donut was the last person we were able to contact,” Wash announced, noticing Caboose. “Caboose! Where the hell have you been?”
“Oh yeah, I fell asleep. Yeah, you guys were up all night wrestling in Agent Washington’s room. You know you are very noisy wrestlers! Anyway, I thought about joining you guys but you see I’m not very good at wrestling.”
“Holy shit, they’re fucking,” Grif says more out of amusement than surprise.
“I called it! You owe me $100!” Simmons piped up.
“We all knew, idiot, it could be seen from space!” Sarge said, joined in.
Wash turned around to see Tucker shake his head. He began backing away slowly, his eyes wide with panic. Before Wash could reach out for him, Tucker jumped down from the tower and moved quickly back towards their base.
“Fuck,” Wash muttered before heading after Tucker. “Don’t come after us!”
“We don’t plan to, that’s your shit,” Simmons scoffed and was met with a murmur of agreement from the rest.
Wash jogged to catch up with Tucker and followed him into his bunk. Tucker pulled off his helmet and let it fall to the floor where it rolled until it hits the metal leg of Tucker’s bed with a gentle tink. He turned to face Wash, his face wet with tears and his eyes wide with fear.
“Did anyone follow us?” Tucker asked, acknowledging Wash’s presence.
“No, it’s just me. Tucker-“
“They probably hate me!” Tucker cried with a tone of fear that Wash has never heard from him before. It made him very concerned. “I’ll be shunned by my only friends.”
Wash stepped forward, reaching a hand out to put on Tucker’s shoulder but he stepped away, leaving Wash to slowly retract his arm.
“Everyone always does,” Tucker bows his head and a tear drops silently onto the floor, “When they find out I like guys as well, they’ll say I’m just confused or greedy or they try to ‘cure’ me. And then they’ll laugh at me, call me names, and then just stop talking to me. And if they don’t stop talking to me, they’ll think I wanted to fuck them and then they’ll distanced themselves from me. That’s why,” He let out a gentle sob, “That’s why I act like I do, all ‘let’s fuck some bitches’ and I guess I’ve been like that for too long that it’s become who I am, or at least how everyone sees me. But that isn’t really me. Lord knows who I used to be. I couldn’t be him even if I tried, but you, you Wash. You. I feel different around you. I feel more… me. I just want to hold you tight and never let you go. I tried to hide it Wash, I tried so hard for so long to hide my bisexuality. But then along you came and I couldn’t let you go. Not another one.”
Wash stepped up to Tucker. He placed his hand underneath Tucker’s chin and gently pushed it up so they’re eyes met. Tucker’s eyes are red and watery, filled with pain and fear.
“Tucker, I need you to listen to me. You’re safe here. These people are your friends, they’re not going to leave you for anything. Just think of all that you guys have been through. The only one you have to worry about is Sarge, and that’s only because you’re a Blue.” Wash pulled Tucker into a tight hug and began gently stroking his hair. “You’re safe here.”
Allowing Wash to return the favour, Tucker wrapped his arms tight around him and buried himself in Wash’s chest. They stayed there wrapped up in each other until Tucker had calmed, his breathing slow and steady and his eyes dry.
Tucker moved from the embrace only to place a soft kiss on Wash’s lips. They both jump when their moment was broken by a high-pitched squeal from Donut.
Donut was standing in the doorway of their room next to Doc. He was wearing the biggest grin possible.
“You’ll have to excuse him, he has a habit of ruining moments,” Doc tells them.
“I’m sorry, I’m just so happy!” Donut said, both hands were now on his face, his eyes beaming with joy.
“We just came to tell you that Caboose now has the tools and Freckles won’t let us have them back and Sarge is threatening to blow up Freckles and all of Blue Base,” Doc said, sounding somewhat amused at the situation.
Wash sighed and put his head in his hands. “Right, okay, sure. I’ll be there soon.”
Wash turned to look at Tucker and held his hand for him to take. “Together?”
Tucker looked at Wash’s hand then back up to his face. He took a steady breath and took the hand offered to him.
“Together.”