Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ryuji couldn’t remember the last time he woke up so early in the morning without an alarm.

Well, it wasn’t super early as it was just past dawn, but lately he had a habit of going to bed late. Unless he had an alarm as mentioned, his ass usually got up around noon. However, here he was wide awake and surprisingly well rested this morning.

Maybe it was because he was excited for the New Year.

He hurried to eat his breakfast, kissed his mother goodbye, and headed out. He had planned to go to the shrine by himself as his friends had said that they had plans today.

So, of course he was pleasantly surprised when he quickly ran into everyone else during his visit, especially with how sparse the crowd was today.

“You guys wanna get something to eat?” He suggested after they chatted for a while. However, almost everyone declined as they still had plans of their own. Ann seemed like she was up for it at first but then had gotten a text from Shiho to meet up. 

That was fine. 

He could see if his track mates wanted to do something.

As everyone started to disperse, the blond’s gaze flitted to Akira. The raven haired male had not said much during the whole exchange, which was not unusual. But Akira had had a confused expression on his face practically the whole time, which was unusual. Even when they said their farewells he sounded a bit distant. They weren’t talking about anything strange from what Ryuji remembered.

Maybe Akira was thinking about something?

Akira was still acting a bit off a few days later. He had appeared during a break at practice at the school gates. Not only was that weird since school hadn’t started yet, but he kept asking weird stuff about reality.

But Ryuji kept replying like it was nothing.

Or… something?

Wait, he was confused.

“...Ain’t something wrong here?” He wondered out loud. “How do we know each other, anyhow? First we met in front of the station by school, then…” He trailed off.

“Keep thinking, man.” Akira prodded gently.

“Uh…sure.” Why did this situation feel familiar?

And then…

He remembered being unable to breathe.

He remembered pain.

He remembered watching dark red flowers falling out of his hands, staining the concrete below…

“Sakamoto?”

Ryuji gasped as the image and feeling went away. His eyes locked on to Akira, who looked at him with a worried expression.

I don’t like it when you’re upset. 

His hand twitched, the urge to reach out to Akira and….

“Sakamoto, are you alright?”

“Yeah, what happened to you guys at the station?”

“Uh…nothing.” Ryuji shook off…whatever just happened there. Then he proceeded to brush Akira off with the excuse of practice. 

But he could not ignore that feeling of unease.

So that’s why Ryuji found himself walking into Leblanc not too long after that exchange to speak with Akira. He was surprised at first by the coincidence of all of their mutual friends in the cafe as well, but he quickly found out that they were there for the same issue.

And, like everyone else, Ryuji was scared to accept what Akira had stirred in his heart.

However, he decided it would be the best thing to do.

As soon as he made his decision, it felt like something had shattered. Like he had been in a room full of mirrors and they had all broken and now he could see everything that he had been hidden from. 

The rest of the team must have felt the same, judging by their reactions. However, they did not spend too long on the specifics. They rushed to Odaiba and were surprised to see a palace in the area. As soon as they entered, their outfits changed, which brought the question of how the Metaverse was kicking when they surely defeated Yaldabaoth. However, Oracle did not give them a chance to mull over it.

“We need to go in that direction!”  She supplied. “I can feel strong signals from there.”

They followed her directions. Soon, Skull could hear the tell-tale sounds of fighting. He also could feel the gathering energy of an electricity attack. A big, unfamiliar one.

I need to go faster.

Ignoring Mona’s words earlier about running ahead, Skull broke into a sprint. He nearly flew down a flight of stairs as he recognized Joker and what was probably Crow about to be hit by the electric attack. He could tell that it would be awful if that attack struck them.

“I don’t think so!” He screamed as he got into the path of it. Because this was his element, he was easily able to absorb it. Breathing heavily, he stepped back so he could look at Joker.

“We’re back, dear leader.” He grinned.

“I knew you guys would come.” Even though he looked super winded, Joker still managed to give him a soft smile in return, causing Ryuji to feel warm inside.

Yup, those feelings were back.

He wasn’t complaining, though.

“Oh, you guys are all here.”

Ten heads turned towards the direction of the cafe door, frowns replacing the looks of surprise as they recognized who had strolled in.

“Dr. Maruki?” Ann asked.

“What are you doing here?” Futaba wondered. “We have a few days before the deadline.”

“Don’t worry.” The palace ruler held up his hands in surrender. “I have no intention of moving up the deadline. I just want to talk.”

“Talk? After all you’ve been doing?” Ryuji bristled. Akira wrapped a hand around his arm as if to hold the blond back.

“We’ll hear what you have to say.” Akira chose before anyone else decided to argue. 

He gestured for Maruki to take a seat at the bar, which the therapist did. Some of the team members that were further out in the shop shifted closer to hear better. Akira let go of Ryuji’s arm to make a quick drink for the new visitor. Even when he was at odds with someone, Akira was still a gentleman.

“I was hoping I could persuade you guys one more time to accept this reality.” Maruki started off.

“We have no intention of changing our minds.” Haru declared.

Maruki sighed, his eyes focusing on the steaming cup of coffee Akira had placed in front of him. 

“The reality I created may seem distorted from your point of view, but it’s a reality where everyone is happy. If you just stay, you’ll never have to suffer the pain of loss, and the pain of having people and things stolen away from you.”

“Like you and Rumi.” Sumire replied.

Maruki flinched before going on.

“My goal is to make every person alive happy in the world I create.”

He lifted his head to stare at the leader of the group of teens.

“Especially you. You were the guiding light to my research, after all. You helped me make my dreams a reality. That’s why when I found out what tragedies had occurred in Shido’s Palace and on Christmas Eve, I strove to make sure you did not go through the pain of loss or regret of losing your friends.”

“The pain of loss and regret…” Yusuke mumbled.

“Wait, I’m still confused.” Ann wrinkled her brow.

“Same.” Ryuji whined.

“He’s talking about me.” Akechi spoke. “And how I’m supposed to be dead.”

Shocked silence filled the small coffee shop.

“He’s right.” Maruki confirmed a few moments later. “He died in the real world.”

“You knew about this?” Akira asked Akechi.

“I had my suspicions. There was a gap between facing you guys off in Shido’s Palace and meeting up with you again. There were also the cases of Wakaba Isshiki and President Okumura… Of course I’d find all of that suspicious.” 

“So…if Akechi is dead in the real world, it means your reality is what is keeping him “alive” now. And if we destroy your reality, Akechi stays dead.” Makoto summarized, which clarified for the thieves that were still trying to figure it out.

“Exactly.” Maruki agreed.

“For real?” Ryuji exclaimed.

“That’s horrible!” Sumire gasped.

“And so what?” Akechi hissed. “You think dangling my life before us is going to have any impact on my decision?” He looked at the rest of the team. “I refuse to accept a reality concocted by someone else, stuck under their control for the rest of my days.”

“But Akechi…” Ann started to say but the brunet shot the protest down.

“Don’t tell me that you all are going to fold over some bullshit, trivial threat on my life?”

A heavy silence settled in the cafe. 

But then, Haru spoke.

“Hang on.” She raised her head to look at Maruki. “You said that you found out about the tragedies of Shido’s Palace and on Christmas Eve. We know about Akechi’s demise in the Palace, but…what happened on Christmas Eve?”

All eyes landed on the Ruler again, wary of his answer. 

“Another tragedy, Okumura.” He replied quietly.

“But..that’s impossible.” Yusuke spoke. “We defeated Yaldabaoth. It got shot by Akira’s Persona. After that, the treasure appeared and we teleported away. I remember we all woke up together and everything was back to normal.”

“We then decided to disband since it was snowing and that we were going to have a party.” Ann continued. “And then…” She paused, her brow crinkled. 

“...I don’t remember anything until New Year’s Eve.” Haru finished the sentence. 

The rest of the team found out that they also had that memory gap.

“Strange.” Sumire spoke. “I don’t remember anything, either. And I wasn’t affected like you guys were.”

“And here I thought my memory loss was because of my situation.” Akechi hummed. He looked at Akira. “What about you?”

Akira shook his head.

“I…don’t have any memories from that time as well.” The ravenet admitted. 

“Isn’t Christmas Eve the day your actualization started, Maruki?” The detective remarked. “Did you manage to change even Kurusu’s reality a bit?”

“Mostly.” The Ruler leaned forward. “I’m sure you realized that you guys had wished for a reality like mine when you defeated that god. My powers were coming into fruition that day. However, there was a small gap between the defeat of that god and my actualization, and in that small gap something that event happened. I was unable to prevent it. But, I managed to  make it seem like it never did.

“Like you did with my mother…” Futaba whispered. “And Haru’s dad and Akechi.”

Maruki nodded.

“But that still doesn’t explain the memory gap.” Makoto pointed out.

“I decided to just put everyone in a stasis in order to fix everything. Time went on, but I had everyone who was alive “frozen”. I let everyone go once I thought I had fixed enough. The main reason my reality is still incomplete is because I’m still recovering my powers from keeping everyone in stasis for that amount of time.”

“So who died, Dr. Maruki?” Akira’s voice was eerily calm. 

Maruki closed his eyes and kept silent. 

Akira wasn’t having it.

“ Answer me! Which one of my friends died !?” He banged his fist on the bar, not caring about the drinks that sloshed on it. No one tried to calm him, as they were too shocked by both the realization and how upset their usually calm, almost aloof leader was. 

“So you figured it out.” Maruki softly said.

“Seeing how you addressed Akechi’s situation the same way, I can only assume that it is.”

“Do you really want to know?”

“I rather not be met with any surprises once we get back to our true reality.” Akira was resolute. 

“What about everyone else?”

Heads nodded as some of the teens verbally agreed with their leader.

Maruki let out a heavy sigh, his expression somber as his gaze swept over them. Finally, he reluctantly nodded towards the cafe television.

“Alright.”

The TV turned on, static playing until the picture cleared. What seemed to be an alleyway popped up on the screen. A person was slumped against one of the walls, unnaturally still despite the snow slowly falling on them. 

It didn’t take long to figure out that that person was dead.

Especially how much blood was covering them. Their mouth and chest were soaked red, with a small puddle underneath them, a bright contrast to the snow. 

But the weirdest thing of it all was that a lot of the red was not just blood.

There were several dark red flowers as well.

If Ryuji didn’t know any better, he would have thought this was a normal evening in Shibuya.

The foot traffic was the same. The noise was the same. The lights were the same, save for the holiday decor.

It was a far cry from the eerie blood red sky and bones he had been under the last time he was here. An involuntary shiver went through him as he remembered fading away just as easily as that had.

Then he felt something press against him, the warmth bringing him out of his thoughts. 

Akira had been the culprit, but Ryuji didn't know if his friend had pressed against him consciously as his dark eyes were on the person speaking.

The eight Thieves were standing in a raggedy circle, save for Morgana, who was being held by Futaba. 

“... meet at Leblanc tomorrow…”Ryuji caught the middle of Makoto’s sentence. “...and have a final meeting on the situation.”

“Yeah, let’s do that.” Yusuke agreed,

“Hey!” Ann exclaimed. “It’ll be Christmas, so why don’t we do a last celebration party?”

“That sounds like a great idea, Lady Ann!” Morgana meowed. 

Ryuji stifled a yawn. He wasn't bored by the conversation at all. After all, he loved a party. However, he was exhausted. He could tell that the power up that Lavenza had given him was starting to wane. He leaned against Akira this time, his eyes closing as his friends continued to talk. 

“I think we should save the party planning for the chat.” Akira’s chuckle roused him. “It looks like some of us are falling asleep on our feet.”

Knowing that “some” meant him, Ryuji attempted to straighten back up. It was insanely hard to do so, but he managed.

“Uh…” He blinked a few times, his head feeling fuzzy. “When did it start snowing?”

Amusement rippled through the group at his question. 

People started to break off for the night soon after. Eventually, only Ryuji was left with the pseudo-siblings and their cat. 

“Do you think you can get home by yourself?” Futaba asked the blond.

“Y…yeah…” Ryuji cleared his throat. Dread filled his stomach as he felt that familiar tickle in his throat.

Was everything already returning? 

“Uh huh….” Akira didn't sound convinced. Futaba and Morgana didn't look convinced, either. “I'll go with you.” He decided.

“Nah, man. You don't have to.” The blond tried to keep his panic down. He didn't know how fast his symptoms would show up but he knew the hell that would ensure if any of his friends saw them.

“I want to.” 

Ryuji could feel a twinge in his chest at Akira's words, but he wasn't sure if it was from his feelings or from the flowers that were certainly growing. 

Whatever it was, he wasn’t going to stand down this time.

“ No !” Everyone, including himself, flinched at the harshness of his tone. Ryuji opened his mouth to apologize but ended up coughing. Thankfully, it only lasted for a second or two but he could already taste a faint hint of iron.

Morgana suddenly leaped from Futaba’s arms onto Akira’s shoulders. At that position, the cat was face to face with Ryuji. Blue eyes squinted as he stared at the blond, almost as if he was searching or suspicious of something.

Ryuji knew that he needed to go now before the cat caught on. 

“I-I-I’ll text when I get home!” He shouted  before sprinting away. He pretended not to hear Morgana’s screech to wait. Miraculously, not only did he manage to not run into anyone, but no one had followed him. He slowed down to a walk, hoping to at least get home before his luck ran out.

Unfortunately, those hopes were dashed.

Just a few minutes later he found himself leaning against a lightpost having a coughing fit. 

Once he was able to take enough air to function, he looked into the crook of his elbow where he had been coughing into. The purple sleeve now had a patch of red on it, a couple of petals hanging off of it. Some red flowers were by his feet.

Lavenza’s blessing was truly gone.

And then, he felt immense pain in his chest, Like something was trying to claw into his lungs.Ryuji gasped, clutching at the pole as he rode out the waves of pain. He was terrified. He couldn’t breathe again. He could barely think. 

He had never felt this before.

It felt like forever before the pain had ebbed away enough to do anything. But in its place his chest felt…crowded. He could only take shallow breaths at this time, let alone talk.

Ah.

Somehow, he knew he wasn’t going to make it home tonight.

If he could, he would have laughed.

He had felt the most alive as a Phantom Thief. Now since that job had come to an end, it was only fitting for him to come to his end as well.

He stumbled into an alley. No one had been here for a while as the thin layer of snow was undisturbed. Not did it matter for long, anyways. 

Another coughing  fit made his knees buckle.

God, his chest burned!  

His back slid down a wall, hands instinctively coming up to his mouth. It felt like he was vomiting more than coughing at this point. His hands couldn’t hold back the river of dark red flowers and stems anymore. They tumbled out of his hands, staining his clothes and the concrete below. 

No matter how much he pushed out, the burning in his chest never left. He could barely breathe at this point. In a hazy desperation, he weakly reached out towards the entrance of the alley.

But no one noticed him.

He was alone again.

Several emotions rose and crashed inside of Ryuji, like the sea during a storm. He could feel himself trembling from the intensity.

He was dead.

He was upset, but not because of his death. He had long accepted that it was to happen.

No he was upset because…

…After all the effort he had put in to keep his ailment a secret from everyone. The planning, the isolation, the lying….

His friends still ended up seeing him like that.

Adults always had to ruin everything for him, huh.

With a snarl, Ryuji whipped around to glare at Maruki.

“Why the hell did you show that!?”

“You guys wanted to know.” The doctor quietly said. The man had the sense to look devastated but that did nothing to quell Ryuji's rage.

“That's bullshit!” He banged his fist on the bar. The drinks on the surface sloshed again, adding to the puddles that Akira had caused earlier. “You could have done anything else-”

“If I had done anything else, no one would have believed me.” 

“ I would’ve! Because I knew how bad I was!”

Maruki sighed.

“I think you guys need some time.”

A bright light flashed where the doctor was sitting. Ryuji instinctively shut his eyes. When he opened them again, Maruki was gone.

That bastard.

The bubbling of the coffee was the only sound that filled the cafe for a few long moments. Then…

“You lied.”

Futaba slid out of the booth seat and made her way to the bar, mauve eyes watery as she frowned at Ryuji. 

“You said that it wasn’t that bad! You said that nothing had changed! You said you even found out about the person you liked!” Her voice shook as she spoke. “And…you lied.” She broke into tears. 

“Wait, Futaba. You knew about this?” Makoto asked.

“It was by accident.” Ryuji replied as Futaba nodded.

“He coughed up…flowers in my room.” The hacker admitted. “I’ve been checking on him since then.”

“Hanahaki.” Sumire gasped. “I didn’t think it actually existed.”

“What’s that?” Yusuke asked.

“It’s a disease when someone has an unrequited love so great it causes them to cough up flowers.” Sumire explained. “Flowers slowly grow in your lungs, making it harder and harder to breathe. Eventually, you start coughing up petals and flowers and eventually…blood. If you don’t admit your feelings or refuse permanent treatment, you die from suffocation.”

“What a beautiful but dark sickness.” Yusuke murmurmed, awestruck by the concept.

Ann, however, hopped out of her seat.

“And why didn't you tell any of us? Both of you!” Icy blues glared at Ryuji and Futaba.

Futaba shook her head as another sob came out of her.

“ Hey .” Ryuji’s own voice was frigid as he stepped out from behind the bar. He protectively stood in front of Futaba. “Don’t yell at her. It’s not her fault.”

“But she knew-”

“By accident .” Ryuji repeated, stressing it out. “And she wanted to let you guys know. But I begged her not to.” He turned towards the younger female to address her. “You’re a real one, ‘Taba. I'm sorry for making you go through this. However,” His gaze went back to the rest of the teens. 

“I am not sorry for keeping this secret.”

“Why didn't you tell us?” Yusuke asked, his head slightly tilting to the side.

“Because we've been going through enough shit as it is.” Ryuji simply replied. 

Ann was still fuming. “That's no excuse to keep this from us! How could you keep the fact that you were dying from us?”

“And what if I told you guys, eh?” Ryuji bristled as he spat his next words. “Were you guys just going to attempt to beat me up like last time? When I had a near death experience from Shido’s palace? What? You guys aren’t happy that I actually died this time?”

That got a few flinches from the team. Even Ann stepped back, guilt evident on her face. Ryuji kept his steely gaze for a few more seconds before sighing.

“There’s nothing you guys could have done, anyways.”

“But…but you could have done something.” Makoto hesitantly spoke, her phone in hand as she had probably looked up the disease. “You could have admitted your feelings or had some sort of surgery to get rid of the flowers-”

“Surgery would have risked having all my feelings for that person to disappear.” Ryuji explained. “Not just the romantic ones. And…I didn’t want to force my feelings onto them.”

“So you just decided to give up and die!?” Ann growled. 

Ryuji took a step forward and looked Ann straight in the eyes.

“I gave up years ago.” 

Ryuji finally looked back at Akira. The teen hadn’t said anything since Maruki had shown them “the show”, but Ryuji could clearly see how distressed Akira was. 

Ryuji hated it.

He wanted to comfort his best friend, make him laugh, something to ease the lines on his face.

He clenched his fist, forcing himself to not do any of those things.

“I want to defeat Maruki.” He said instead.

Immediately, shrieks and gasps of protest and sorrow filled the cafe.

“Enough!” Akechi finally stepped in. “You all have heard me. And you all have heard Sakamoto. We’re the ones going to be affected the most and we still want to continue the plan. Do not let your sentimental values override what you know is right.”

A few moments of silence.

Then Akira’s deep voice cut through it.

“Okay.” The leader slowly pushed himself off the bart. Everyone watched him as he stood up.

“We are going to defeat Maruki.” He addressed the team with finality. 

“Good.” Akechi walked to the entrance. “Let me know when we have a plan.” He said before the door closed behind him.

It wasn't until Ryuji heard someone calling his name that he realized how tense he had become. He let out a sigh and shook his head.

“I'm going to go, too.” He announced, making sure that he did not look at anyone as he gathered his stuff. He knew if he stuck around, he was going to have a breakdown. He made it out the door and almost out of the neighborhood  before he heard a familiar voice.

“Ryuji!”

Akira was the first and last person he wanted to see right now.

Ryuji stopped and waited for the raven-haired teen to catch up to him. He noticed that Akira was alone, not even bringing one of the bags that Morgana would ride in.

“Hey.” He greeted as Akira jogged up to him.

“Hey.” Akira parroted.

Ryuji braced himself in the few moments that it took Akira to catch his breath, scared of what the other male was going to say. Finally, grey met brown.

“Can I cash in that ramen date?”

Out of all the things that Ryuji had expected, that was not one of them.

“...what?” The blond dumbly said.

“Remember how we promised to meet up for ramen before we fought that god? We never did because of… all this. And I know we won't have the time in the next few days so I wanted to do it now. I mean, if you want to, of course.”

Ryuji stared at him for a second, astonished.

Then a chuckle bubbled out of him. 

And he couldn't stop.

He felt insane as he cackled on the street, but he didn't care. It felt cathartic. He didn't remember the last time he had laughed so hard without feeling like shit. Maybe back in April, when he first met Akira. Or maybe further back before he was depressed. When he still has hopes for the future.

The thought helped to sober him up. However, it was still a bit before he was able to compose himself.

“Sorry.” Ryuji said to Akira once he did.

“I understand.” Akira smiled warmly. Ryuji looked away as he felt his skin heat up despite the cold.

“I remember. But…” Ryuji trailed off.

“We don't have to-”

“No!” The blond looked back at him. “I want to tonight! I just…are you okay with carry-out? I just don't want…to be around a lot of people.”

Akira nodded. 

“And the best ramen place I know is in my neighborhood. We can eat at my place?” Ryuji offered.

“The trains may be done for the night by the time we finish.”  Akira warned.

“Oh.” Ryuji deflated. 

Then Akira bumped into him.

“I guess I’m borrowing some of your clothes tonight.” The raven-haired teen declared, leaning against him.

It took a couple of seconds for Ryuji to get what Akira meant, mostly because he was revealing in Akira’s touch. But then the words registered.

“A sleepover?” Ryuji grinned even further. “Hell yeah!”

Honestly, Ryuji had known something was not right the evening reality “shattered”.

He had been out with the group catching up when he realized that it was way past the time when he would be coughing up flowers. 

No one had noticed him go quiet then. No one had noticed the slight panic attack he had as he realized that he wasn’t on medication. Would he start coughing them up again now that he was rebelling? Would his friends finally see what he had been hiding?

What had pulled him out was the sound of the TV that had been left on for background noise. The news wasn’t reporting a single bad thing. And then Akechi muttering about how everything was “hunky-dory” in the world that Maruki made.

Ryuji’s brain latched on to that.

This was still Maruki’s world, and Maruki claimed that he did not wish to see suffering in his reality. Being constantly out of breath and vomiting flowers were obviously omitted from this “perfect” world.

He ended up using that excuse once Haru had pointed out during a palace day. 

However, deep down he still knew that there was a deeper reason. Especially when the cracks showed almost immediately. 

His flowers had still existed, as he found out later on. The partially filled pill bottle was found under his bed. He had also failed to take out the wastebasket on Christmas Eve, and he had “forgotten” about it all this time. They were dried and curled, but Ryuji could kind of see the greys and reds of the petals. He did end up throwing them away. After all, he still had pictures of fresh petals and flowers on his phone. He had gotten a morbid fascination with documenting the change of them and even had an album dedicated to it. 

Speaking of fascinations, his crush on Akira had returned in full force. It was another thing that struck as odd as it gave him emotional pain. Especially when most of his team had decided that the reason why their dead or absent family members were no longer in this reality was because of emotional pain. 

But he never noticed the discrepancy. 

Not until now, where now every single detail slapped him in the face like they were upset at being dismissed for so long. And he would wallow in those details for hours, especially since Ryuji had opted to not go to school the days leading up to the deadline.

After all, school was in preparation for the future, and he didn’t really have one now. 

He had to admit that it was hard to not be up in his head without school or friends to distract him, though.

When he wasn't doing things around the house, he would go outside. No one stopped him in the streets to ask him why he wasn't at school, probably another one of Maruki’s doings.

Honestly, it was appreciated.

But after running errands and tying up the few loose ends he had, he would just wander around aimlessly. And the people he spoke to and the music blasting in his ears could only keep his thoughts at bay for so long.

“How do you deal with it?” He had asked Akechi on a call one evening. He had been shocked that the brunet had picked up the phone.

“How do you deal with being…a ghost?”

“I don't dwell on it.” Came the almost immediate reply.

“Pfft. Easy for you to say.” Ryuji frowned.

“I have other things to waste my limited time on. What do they say? ‘Live your life to the fullest’ or something cheesy like that?”

“What life?” Ryuji chuckled dryly. 

Akechi grunted.

“Do you want to know something, Akechi?”

“Not really. But I won’t stop you.”

“I…really hope that in my next life I won’t be a burden to everyone I meet. Or, if I am doomed to be a ghost, I hope I can have the power to guide my mom and our friends down better paths.”

The silence after Ryuji’s admission was long, up to the point where the blond thought that the other teen had finally hung up. He was about to check if that had been the case when he heard Akechi speak.

“I'd rather just have the reincarnation part. Maybe I can be born into a family that actually loves me.” 

“I see.” Another beat of silence. “Maybe we might become siblings?” Ryuji suggested with a grin.

“I guess that would be my punishment for this life.” 

Two days before the deadline, he asked his mom to take the next day off.

The thieves had done all that they could do for the palace a few days before and they had hung out the afternoon before for a free day. Ryuji had planned to spend time with his mom since he found out about his death, but only now had a good time to ask.

“I'm sorry.” His mother gave him a hug when he told her his request. “I know it's been a while since we had a mother-son day. I promise that we'll have more in the future.”

Ryuji almost broke down in tears.

Thankfully, his mom did manage to get the time off. They spent the daylight going through the different communities around them. There were a couple of shops that had caught his mother’s eye when she heard about them online, but she had not been able to go due to the weird shifts she had for work. They played at a couple of arcades, his mother beating his ass in some of the more old school ones. They ate lunch at a restaurant they both enjoyed going to, especially for the fruit flavored cakes they specialized in. They went to the park after the meal and stayed there until they couldn’t take the cold anymore, which was after a couple of hours. It was almost evening when they got home. They cooked and ate dinner together before settling down to watch TV.

“I hope you had a good day, mom.” Ryuji murmured. 

“I had the best day.” His mom smiled at him. “Especially since I got to spend it with my little Sunshine.”

“Heh.” The blond huffed in amusement at his childhood nickname, established way before the idea of being blond crossed his mind. She never said it, but he thinks that part of the reason why she came up with that moniker was because he had been the only light of her life during the dark times with his father.

And now she had basically lost that light as well.

“Ryuji?”

The teen came out of his thoughts and noticed his mother’s look of concern.

“What’s wrong?”

Everything. He thought. I never came home for Christmas. I’ve been dead for more than a month. I chose to die. Everything about this reality is fake. I’m fake. You have been working for my future all this time and I end up not having one. I’m fighting against your happiness. You’re going to wake up in a couple of days and realize that I have not been here all this time. I’m leaving you all alone. I’m such a terrible son.

But none of that ever came out of his mouth. 

Instead, he got up and walked over to his mother. He sat next to her and threw his arms around her.

“You…you don’t catch a break.” He had buried his face against her and the words were muffled, but her hum indicated that she heard him. He felt her fingers go through his hair in an attempt to soothe him.

“I will be alright, Ryuji.”

Ryuji's breath hitched hearing those words.

Not “I am alright.” but “I will be alright.”.

Almost like… she knew.

“I-I love you, Ma.”

“I love you, too, Sunshine.”

That time she reciprocated verbally. 

She didn't the next morning. 

It wasn't her fault, though. It was barely dawn when Ryuji snuck into her room to tell her one final time. The words were quiet and the kiss on her temple was light in order not to wake her. 

He did not want her to wake up. 

The teen watched his mother until his vision blurred from tears. With a swipe of his sleeve, he left the room. 

Two minutes later, he left the apartment for the final time.

Akira was beautiful.

It was an opinion that went through Ryuji's mind multiple times a day.

But he couldn't help it.

With a few parkour moves and his hook, Joker had shot down Maruki's hulking persona point blank. With a combined effort, the rest of the thieves were able to push off the arm that had threatened to destroy them just a few seconds before, causing the monstrosity to lose its balance as it disintegrated. Maruki tumbled to the ground. Joker landed much more gracefully beside Ryuji, a torch-like object in his hand. Both he and Ryuji, still trying to catch their breath, locked eyes.

And then Joker had the audacity to wink at him.

Skull would have died on the spot if he wasn’t already dead.

“Why…” Maruki slowly sat up. “I gave up everything else…I dedicated all I have to this…but I still…”

Something from above crashing down interrupted Maruki’s lamenting.

Chaos erupted.

“The palace is collapsing!” Noir shrieked.

Violet dashed to Maruki with a cry. Quickly passing the torch to Panther, Joker followed. Fox yelled that there was no way out. Panic started to ripple through the team as smoke filled the air.

“Everyone!” Mona called. “Get over here! Hurry!”

The humans flocked to the cat, Joker and Violet dragging Maruki between them. He then transformed into his van form, shielding them from the falling debris. Mona started to grunt from what sounded like pain.

“This is no time to act tough!” Queen berated the cat.

“Whoever…said it was an act?” Mona replied with a weak chuckle.

The van continued to shake. Skull felt something squeeze his hand and he looked over to see that it was Joker’s hand on top of his. 

Brown eyes shifted to the leader’s face.

The confident façade of Joker was gone. Instead, wide-eyed Akira was staring ahead. Skull could see the worry clear as day in those grey eyes. His mouth was open, mouthing something that Skull could not pick up. The blond intended to flip his hand over in order to hold his hand back-

“Mona-senpai! Can you fly!?” Violet’s voice filled the cabin.

Mona squawked in protest at first. But then, determination filled his voice.

“I have to fly!” 

A few seconds later, a bright light nearly blinded Skull. He felt himself move, bodies pushed against him, the sound of…a helicopter?

Sure enough, when his vision cleared Skull found himself in a helicopter, high off the ground. Or what was left of it. He heard Mona gloating and Crow complaining. Nothing unusual.

What was unusual was the absence of someone in the vehicle.

“Hey! Where’d Joker go?” Skull yelled.

“Don’t worry!” Mona replied. “I got him below!” 

Skull peeked down, relief flooding him when he saw the teen swinging by a rope below the helicopter.

A roar came from further down below, drowning out the sounds of the blades. It wasn’t a roar from the palace falling apart. They had been in too many of them to not know. Instead, it was from something different. 

And it sounded angry.

The source of the noise appeared as a giant sphere. It was draped in the same cyberish black and cyan colors as the rest of the palace had been. Tentacles started to sprout from the sphere, almost looking like some sort of dark sun.

“Wha-What is that?” Violet whimpered.

“A fail-safe.”  Maruki mumbled. Skull had forgotten he was in the helicopter with them.

The next thing that happened was all too quickly and way too slow at the same time.

A tentacle shot up and wrapped itself around Joker, causing the helicopter to jerk. Joker was forced to let go. Everyone watched in horror as he started to fall from sight. 

“Joker!” Several voices yelled.

“Dr. Maruki! What is going on!?” Noir demanded.

“This reality is trying to save itself.” Maruki replied. “Kurusu was the light of my research, after all. And he is the leader of the Phantom Thieves, who wished this world into existence. He’s a vital piece to this Palace, so it’s trying to keep him here, possibly in hopes of trying to rebuild itself.”

“Then call it off!” Futaba cried.

“I…I don’t have control of this reality anymore.” The doctor admitted in a low voice. “I’m sorry.”

“Mona, we have to go back!”

“Got it!”

However, once the helicopter had gotten closer, another tentacle lashed out, striking him on his side. Mona grunted in pain and the inside shimmered.

“Mona, are you alright!?” Oracle asked.

“This form is not as strong as my others.” He weakly replied. 

“He won't be able to stay like this if he gets another hit.” Queen realized.

“But we have to get Joker!” That was Panther. 

“Crow.”

Skull's voice was calm, almost authoritative. The tone made everyone quiet down and their attention went to him. 

Red eyes met brown.

And it only took a second for Crow to understand. 

With a snarl, the black clad male pushed himself through the other teens and launched himself out of the helicopter. 

“Crow!” Queen called after him.

“You guys stay here.” Skull gathered himself to do the same but Noir grabbed him before he could.

“You guys can’t go off by yourselves!”

“Yes, we can.” Skull gently but firmly pushed her off. “Crow and I are dead, remember? There's nothing for us outside of this palace.”

“But-”

“But nothing. You guys need to grab Joker and leave.” Skull slid on his mask. “Take care, you guys.” 

With that, he dove into the sky.

“William!”

Ryuji landed on the small ship a second later. William gave him a quick glance before flying off to their target.

As they got closer to the orb, Skull could see Hereward floating around, occasionally shooting arrows at the tentacles. He couldn't see Crow.

But he saw Joker.

The leader was unable to do anything as the appendage was tightly wound around him. At Skull’s silent command, William deposited him on a broken platform before ramming into the tentacle holding Joker hostage.  A screech of pain came from it but it wasn't enough to force it to let him go.

But it lost its grip a moment later when Crow popped up and severed the tentacle with his saber.

Then Joker was falling, unable to stop as he was still wrapped up.

Skull ran.

He made the jumps effortlessly between the broken bridges and floors, his eyes trained on the teen threatening to fall on concrete rather than the water below. With a final push, he managed to catch Joker before he crashed on the pavement. 

Skull didn’t even have a moment of relief before he noticed the dark appendage heading towards them. He tucked Joker close to him and rolled both of them out of the way. Feeling the thing brush the metal spine as it slammed into the space they were just in, the blond curled protectively around the other teen. Thankfully William sensed that his handler was in trouble and came to shield them. As soon as Joker was out of his restraints, Skull embraced him.

“I almost thought I wouldn’t be able to catch you.” He sighed, letting his head drop onto Joker's shoulder.

“I never doubted you for a second.” Joker replied.

“You really shouldn’t have such faith in me.” 

“Why?”

“Because I’ve let so many people down already.”

“Ryuji.” 

Joker pulled away just enough so he could face him, grey meeting brown as Joker said his next words.

“Since the day we met you have never let me down.”

“You’re just saying that.”

Joker pressed their foreheads together.

“I really mean it.” He whispered. “You’re the best person I have ever met.” 

The sincerity in his voice made Ryuji’s heart swell.

The sound of Mona’s blades approaching reminded Skull that the mission was not complete yet. He leaned away from Joker and slightly shook him.

“You have to go.” His voice cracked. “Mona’s coming to get you.”

“You’re not coming.” Joker realized.

“I don’t exist in the real world anymore. What’s the point of escaping?” 

“I know.” Skull caught the hitch in Akira’s voice. 

“Crow and I will cover you.” The blond gestured to Mona, who was nearby now.

Another tentacle attempted to hit the helicopter again but Skull leaped and smacked it with all his might. The effects of his weapon damaged it enough to recoil.

“Arsène!” Joker summoned his own Persona. The winged Persona floated next to William and acted as a second wall, both batting tendrils away.

“Akira, you have to leave!” Skull shouted over the sound of the chopper blades. “Doctor Maruki said that you’re important to this Palace! If you stay there’s a huge chance it will fix itself!”

Joker nodded. But instead of running to the chain, he unclasped the small bag that held their consumables off his belt and attached it to Skull’s.

“Use everything.” Joker commanded. 

“Alright.” 

Akira gave him a final hug. Ryuji took those few moments to take in the sweet coffee scent that always floated off him one last time. Joker leaned back, letting their eyes meet.

Ryuji wanted to kiss Akira. 

He wanted to kiss away those tears sliding down those cheeks. He wanted to kiss his forehead to let Akira know he had done a great job as a leader. He wanted to kiss his lips and mumble “I love you”’s against them like he had read in stories.

But he knew if he did that, Akira would eventually put everything together. He would know that those flowers had been for him all along. Akira would feel guilty then, thinking that he caused Ryuji to die.

And Ryuji did not want that.

He was going to take his feelings to the grave. 

And Akira had to go and live.

“Goodbye.” He said softly, but still loud enough to be heard over the noise. 

“Goodbye.” Akira echoed.

And then, they separated.

Skull backed away as Joker finally clasped the chain. He refused to cry now. He had to be strong to not further worry his friends.

“Mona! Take care of him!”

“Got it!” The cat’s voice wavered.

 He looked up at the rest of the team, who were either hanging out the entrance or squished against the windows. He waved at them.

“You guys better live your best life or else I will find a way to haunt you!” He hollered. 

He wasn’t sure if they heard him. Joker would pass on the message either way. He saw his friends waving back, though. 

Brown met grey once more. 

And wistful smiles were shared as Mona started to fly away.

The Palace shook once more and the creature howled. It tried to follow the helicopter, but Skull was not going to let that happen.

“Fuck off!”  

It was much closer to his platform so Skull was easily able to deliver a shocking hit to its body. It finally perceived him as a threat because it tried to ensnare him. Skull was able to maneuver around the tendrils fairly well, taking a pause to dig into the bag that was given to him for helpful consumables. 

Crow also appeared, looking a bit haggard as he bitched about how Skull “took his sweet time”. The blond was able to calm him down a bit by throwing items his way, though.

Skull poured his emotions into his hits. Out of the two teens and three Personas, he was probably the one doing the least damage. But he didn't care. 

Not once did he look in the direction everyone else disappeared in. He couldn’t…

It was only when Arsène disappeared did Skull allow the tears to fall.

“They made it.” His voice was hoarse as he told Crow. 

“Great.” The other teen grunted.

The creature let out a bloodcurdling scream. 

“Oh, shut up!” Both males replied at the same time.

Then Skull felt it.

The bond between him and his Persona was starting to grow weaker.

“William!” He looked the pirate dead in its eye. 

No words were needed between them.

William took off to gather some distance. Crow seemed to have the same idea as Skull could see Hereward charging an arrow.

William notified him that he was far enough.

Skull caught Crow’s eye.

A nod.

“Persona!” They screamed in unison.

William streaked by like lightning.

Hereward released his arrow.

Both bolts hit their target.

And everything exploded in white.

They say that your life flashes before your eyes when you are dying.

Ryuji didn’t remember that happening that night in the alley, but maybe it was because he didn’t get to properly die then.

But now, he could confirm that saying was true.

He saw his mother curled up in her recliner, focusing hard on her handheld game system.  It was a rare day when she could pick up a game like this, which sucked because it was one of her favorite hobbies. It was always a nice day when she was able to break out a game.

He saw the park that had been near his first apartment, back when his dad still lived with them. It had been his main place to retreat to, especially on those bad days. The lake was almost always dark because he would be there past curfew or very early in the morning, eager to stay away from home as much as he could. 

He saw a blur of track fields and faces, the same view he saw when he had been running. He understood the tracks not being clear as he was in motion, but his trackmates' faces never cleared even though they kept pace with him.

He saw a blur of lights. Flickering lights above a hospital bed. Flashing lights from video games. Pulsating lights from the billboards and screens in the city. Lightning from himself and his Persona. The steady light from his phone in a dark room. Fast approaching lights from a car that he hoped would hit him…

…But then, the lights changed.

They transformed into sunbeams streaming from an attic window on a cold afternoon, illuminating the two people on a makeshift bed.

Ryuji could almost smell the coffee that always hung around the room. He still could taste the curry that he had eaten. He felt the welcomed weight against his side. He could just hear the quiet breathing next to him. He could see the relaxed, practically sleepy expression of Akira as he scrolled through his phone.

Grey eyes flickered towards his direction. Upon meeting his brown gaze the dark haired teen shot the blond a dopey smile.

Ryuji grinned back, allowing himself to relax against the person he would have and had literally died for.