Chapter Text
I've got a .38 special up on the shelf
I'll sleep when I'm dead
If I start acting stupid
I'll shoot myself
I'll sleep when I'm dead
"Have you gone completely mad, Control?"
Control slipped his jacket on, adjusted the collar. "Jealous, Robert?"
"Of what? That you can still perform some frat boy stunt when you get enough Scotch in you? That you still feel compelled to show off for your girlfriend, regardless of the risk?"
"I wasn't showing off."
"The hell you weren't. What's next, Control? Fight a bull and present her with the ears? You aren't twenty years old, Control. You're going to … to break a hip or something."
Control regarded his old friend coolly. "What's really bothering you, old son?"
McCall shoved himself away from Control's car, where he'd been sullenly leaning. "You're going to get her killed if you're not careful. Do you know how many eyes were on you tonight? These people are trained observers, Control. And it only takes one of them to notice something, to start a rumor, and it could be all over for both of you."
The blue eyes that leveled on him were glittering dangerous. "Robert. Don't start this again. I'm not giving her up."
"I'm not asking you to. I'm just asking that you use a little common sense. For God's sake, man, do you even know how you look together?"
"Like people who are very much in love?" Control snapped.
"Yes," Robert snapped back. "That's exactly what you look like. And that's exactly what you must never look like, to anyone."
Control stared at the ground for a moment. When he looked back up, Robert could see the depth of the pain his friend felt. But he said nothing. Instead, the spymaster took out a cigar, and offered another to McCall. He took it, and they completed the ritual of lighting together, strolled very slow around the parking lot.
"It was a good party," Robert finally allowed.
"Yes," Control agreed.
"But also sad. So many people not here."
Control nodded. "I remember them all. Every single name, every single face. They should be here."
"Ghosts in the shadows."
From above, raucous screams of laughter and a thump. Someone else had fallen off the bar.
The two old spies shared a look, and shared their cigars in silence.
***
He seemed like such a nice guy
To his neighbors
Kept to himself and never bothered them with favors
Nobody ever knew him
There was nobody to see through him
He was left alone to plan the death of his betrayers
Lily Romanov had both elbows on the bar. It was late – or early, depending on your view – and all but a few pockets of die-hards had gone home. She was headed for the door herself, after she finished her drink and took care of a few details.
She saw a flash of motion, a shine of metal, and then there was cold pressure on her neck, yanking her body backwards, off balance, while it choked her.
Lily went with it. She leaned back, putting her weight against the man who stood behind her. She didn’t bring her hands up, though that was her first instinct. There was no room between the chain and her throat, and she knew she didn’t have enough strength to fight him straight on. Instead, she brought her hands down and back, reaching behind her to grab Mickey Kostmayer firmly by the most sensitive portion of his anatomy. She felt him wince, heard his breath hiss, but he needed both hands to maintain the chokehold on the handcuffs. He couldn’t defend himself without releasing her.
"You really think groping me’s going to help you now?" he growled softly, his breath hot on her ear.
The chain crushed against her trachea, compressed her arteries and limited the blood to her brain. He had left her enough room to breathe, for the moment, but nothing else. "No," Lily answered, "but at least I can die listening to you scream like a little girl." She flexed her grip, demonstrating her own strength of position.
"Give me one good reason I shouldn’t snap your pretty little head off."
"Pastrami on rye."
The chain tightened. "That’s it?"
"With horseradish and Swiss." Lily considered, sipping air. "And a pickle."
"Uh, hey, Mickey," Stock said from their right.
"Hey, Stock," Kostmayer answered conversationally. "How’s it going?"
"Uh … great. Everything all right here?"
Mickey glanced at him. He was choking Lily Romanov with a set of handcuffs; she was crushing his balls with both hands. Just another after-hours Company party. "Just fine."
"Lily?" Stock asked.
"It’s okay," the woman wheezed. "If he was going to kill me, he’d have done it by now."
Stock looked at the two of them for a long moment. Then he shrugged. "You guys are way too kinky for me." He refilled his drink and walked away.
"So," Mickey said, his mouth still against her ear, "you don’t think I’ll kill you slow?"
"Not if you’re smart."
"You still haven’t given me one good reason not to."
"Because my boyfriend will kick your ass."
"He went home."
"He’ll find you."
"I’m better than he is."
Romanov made a curious gurgly noise. "He’s more devious than you are."
Mickey considered this. "I’ll chance it."
"I was trying to help you, Mickey," she said calmly. "I was right and you know it."
The pressure on her neck increased, and suddenly there was no air at all. "I think you thought you were helping me, which is the only reason I’m letting you live." Kostmayer shifted his weight, letting her breathe again. "Let go."
Lily hesitated, debating whether to try to make him go first. Then, slowly, her grip on his crotch loosened, though she kept her hands positioned for another grab.
"Don’t you ever do that again," Mickey warned. He unlooped the chain from her neck, let her slump against the bar, and did a credible baseball player’s adjustment of his jeans. "Damn, girl, you go right for it, don’t you?"
She straightened, rubbing her neck. "Never fight fair when you’re fighting for your life." She cleared her throat experimentally. "Buy you a drink, sailor?"
"Oh, that’s the least you can do," he agreed.
Lily leaned across the bar, snagged a bottle, filled her glass and gave it to him. "So how’d it go with Anne?"
Mickey drank, sighed, threw the handcuffs on the bar. "You can have those back. I don’t even want to know why you have handcuffs."
"Well, see, we like to …"
Kostmayer shot one hand up in a ‘halt’ gesture. "I don’t want to know," he repeated firmly.
Lily picked up the cuffs, noted the extended chain. "These aren’t mine."
"No. I broke yours."
"I forgot." She looped the chain around her waist like a belt and locked the cuffs together.
Mickey handed her the key, then tossed the small jewelry box onto the bar as well. "You might as well have this, too."
Lily considered it dispassionately. "What am I supposed to do with that?"
He shrugged. "Keep earrings in it. Smuggle microfilm. I don’t care." She looked puzzled. He reached to pop the box open.
The engagement ring was gone.
"Ahh." Lily claimed the glass and took a long drink. "Well, good. You set a date yet?"
"Don’t push it." Mickey took back the drink and turned, rested his elbows behind him on the bar. "Looks like it was a hell of a party."
"Still a little life in it," Lily said. "Though you did miss a carrier landing that is already legendary."
He raised one eyebrow. "The old man?"
"Uh-huh."
"How drunk was he?"
Lily rolled a hand from side to side. "Drunk enough to do it, sober enough to land it."
"You’re a bad influence on him. You know that, don’t you?"
"Yes."
Mickey finished the drink. "I think I’ll go home and get an ice pack." He adjusted his jeans again. "Damn, girl."
"Sorry. I overreact when I can’t breathe."
"I guess so. Can we drop you somewhere?"
Lily shook her head. "I think I’ll get my recruit to take me home." Mickey frowned; she gestured to a tall, stiff-postured young man in uniform who was slow dancing with Ellen, of all people. Despite their age difference, he seemed genuinely interested in whatever she was saying.
"What is that, eleven this year?"
"Twelve," Lily corrected. "But having teased him all night to get him to sign up, now I have to explain the reality of the situation to him."
Kostmayer snorted. "Which reality, Lil? The one where the old man will break his spine for looking at you?"
"No, the one where I don’t bang rookies."
"So it’s not just me, you’re breaking everybody’s balls tonight."
Lily shrugged. "It’s a hobby."
"Uh-huh. I’m going home."
"Give Annie my love."
Mickey winced, adjusting yet again. "I’m not even sure I’ll be able to give her mine for a while." He walked away slowly, with a gently exaggerated limp.
Lily watched him go, smiling contentedly. Then she poured herself one last drink before she set out to claim her marine.
***
And oh, the time that I can lay this tired old body down
and feel your fingers feather soft up-on me
the kisses that I live for, the love that lights my way
the happiness that livin' with you brings me.
Anne stepped out of her darkroom, expecting that her minder would still be there. Instead, Mickey was sprawled on her couch.
"Where's French?" she asked.
"Sent him home," Mickey answered. "I'll stay and make sure you don't print anything improper. At least until the office sobers up."
"Means you'll have to spend the night," Anne mused. "Could be hazardous."
Kostmayer shrugged. "I'll be careful."
"I meant for me." She slumped down next to him. "So? Did you see her?"
Mickey nodded.
"Did you let her live?"
He was silent for a long moment. "I let her live."
"Thank you."
"You owe me one."
"I'll make it up to you. After I get some sleep."
Mickey nodded again. He was bone-tired, too. "How're the pictures?"
"Come and see," she offered. They both sat still for a minute, gathering the strength to move. Then, stiffly, they went to the dark room.
Mickey looked over the proof sheets slowly. Many of the pictures were throw-aways, blurs of crowds, misframed, or simply black. But some of the others were, even to his untrained eye, spectacular. He took his time, enjoyed them all. "Do you have enough for a book?" he asked.
"I might. I'll know better once I make some prints." She drew out a page. "Check this out."
Kostmayer leaned over the tiny square prints to look where she pointed.
Lily Romanov, standing on the Wall, jeans and a tight little t-shirt, a bottle of vodka dangling from her fingers, the sun bright on her face. Lily Romanov, unguarded, happy. She was, Mickey realized with a start, a truly gorgeous woman.
"You can't publish this one," he said.
"No. But it's her. It's really her."
"Print it," Mickey said quietly. "Print a big one."
"For you?" Anne asked, her voice carefully neutral.
Kostmayer shook his head. "No. For her lover."
Anne stared at him. "Who's her lover?"
"I can't tell you."
"What do you mean, you can't tell me?"
"I can't tell you."
"Mickey!"
"I can't, Anne. I'm not teasing you, I would if I could, but I can't."
Anne thought about it, then sighed. "All right. But …"
"No."
After a pause, she gave him a small, wicked smile. "You want to fight about it?"
Kostmayer grinned. "Sure. Why not?" He put his arms around her waist, drew her very close. "Or we could just skip to the making up."
She rested her head wearily against his. "Or we could just skip to the rolling over and falling asleep."
"You might have a point there."
"Come on." She pulled him to his feet. "We'll fight about it tomorrow."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
They went to bed.
***
They would kill me for a cigarette
But I don't even wanna die just yet
There has to be an invisible sun
It gives its heat to everyone
There has to be an invisible sun
That gives us hope when the whole day's done
Control waited quietly, smoking a cigar, in Lily’s apartment. He was physically tired but emotionally restless; it was one of those nights when he knew it would do no good to try to sleep without her by his side. He left the lights off, lit a few candles, put on quiet music to soothe himself. None of it helped much.
But the apartment itself did. Make a home for yourself, he’d asked, and instead she’d made a home for both of them. The living room had been plain white a few months ago. Now the walls were deep gold, the color of old leather. Scott's ratty furniture was gone, replaced by a deep burgundy couch, a deep green wing-back chair. Antique wooden furniture completed the room; it resembled a fine old gentleman's club, or perhaps something from 'Casablanca'. It was not feminine, but it was warm, comfortable, and lovely.
Lily's despised red trunk had been relegated to basement storage.
Control had expected that she wouldn’t – couldn't – leave the party until the last bottle was empty. He had expected to wait. Instead, she arrived barely an hour after he did.
Lily locked the door, came to the couch to kiss him. He could see her glimmering with excitement. The dancing, the laughing, the party in general had her wound like a spring. Yet she sensed his mood immediately, and hers came down to meet it. "What’s wrong, kedves?"
"Nothing," he sighed. He drew her onto his lap. "Nothing now. Did you have fun?"
"I always have fun."
He frowned at the red marks on her neck. "What’s this?" He pulled gently on the handcuffs wrapped around her waist. "Kostmayer," he stated. His voice went cold. "Where is he?"
"We worked it out," Lily said. She caught his face in her hands. "Hey. I started it. Leave it alone." She added a shrug. "Besides, he may have more marks on him than I do."
Control raised one eyebrow, but he grudgingly let it be – at least for the moment. He lifted her to her feet and stood up. "Come here," he said quietly. He wrapped his arms around her and they danced, as they had wanted to dance all night.
"Mmmmm," Lily purred. "This is so much better."
Control nodded his agreement. Here, right here, was where she belonged. In their home, in his arms. "Did they work things out? Mickey and Anne?"
"Well, she took the ring, anyhow."
"My little yenta." He pressed his lips to her forehead. "Can I get you a ring, Lily?"
She leaned back to study his eyes. He was only half-teasing. "No. Thank you."
"Hmmm. Well, perhaps something else, then." He struggled to reach around her into his pocket. "This is for you. Something appropriate to the occasion."
Lily frowned as he placed a set of car keys in her hand. "Umm?"
"There is also a car to go with them," Control said logically. "It’s in garage on the corner."
She blinked. "You bought me a car?"
"Yes. Well, technically, you bought it, the money came out of your account. But will all be back in a month or so. A little at a time, of course."
"I don’t need a car …"
"You’re going to be in the city at least half of your time on this new assignment."
"… there are buses and cabs, and rentals if I really need one …"
"It’s a beautiful car, Lily. I couldn’t resist it."
"Then why didn’t you buy it for yourself?"
Control scowled fiercely. "Because of that stupid import ban from Carter. Government executives are expected to drive domestic cars. To support the economy. Remember?" She frowned, puzzled, and he touched the keys in her hand. "Look, love."
She looked. "You bought me a Mercedes? I can’t …"
"The smaller sedan. Four doors, black, with the diplomatic package. Body armor, bullet-proof glass, re-sealing tires …"
"I can’t explain that on my salary, even if I wanted to ..."
He sighed patiently. "The West German representative to the U.N. has a limo for official business and a Mercedes sedan for personal use. Naturally he gets a new model every year, and his cast-offs make their way to mid-level diplomats in the delegation. This one is three years old, and was most recently owned by a Swiss attaché who has just divorced his fourth wife to marry his pregnant mistress. The wife got everything, and since she’s rather bitter, she was more than willing to part with the car cheap."
Lily gazed at him steadily. "Is that the truth or the cover story?"
"You are very cynical, my dear." Lily raised a single eyebrow. "The car is beautiful," Control continued, not quite answering the question. "It’s in pristine condition, it’s sleek, it’s quick, it’s elegant. It’s beautiful. It reminded me of you. I had to have it."
"But I don’t need …"
"I know you don’t need it!" he exclaimed in exasperation. "I didn’t need the last lock from the Berlin Wall, either, but you moved hell and earth to get it for me, didn’t you? I want you to have the car. Just take the damn thing." He folded her hand over the keys. "Just take it because I want you to have it."
Lily stared at him for a long moment. Her old, deep-seated aversion to accept anything that felt like charity ran directly against her equally deep commitment to make him happy at any price. Finally, uncertainly, she shrugged. "Okay."
Control blew out a deep breath, nodded in satisfaction. "Good. I have some people I want you to pick up in it tomorrow."
"Ah, I see." She smiled her new understanding. "Thank you." She kissed him gently, settled against his shoulder. They moved together, slow, easy, calm. After a moment, she said, "What else is bothering you?"
"Nothing."
Lily looked up. "Kedves."
He shrugged. "What could possibly be bothering me? We won the Cold War. I gave my whole life to it, but we won. And for my reward …" he touched her cheek possessively " …for my reward I got to dance with my girl in public for a whole three minutes. What could possibly be wrong with that? What more could I possibly want?"
"Oh, love …"
Control shook his head impatiently. "This is your night, Lily. Yours and all the others. You can still have a whole life past the Wall. But mine … damn it. I don’t want to spoil this day for you."
"Shhhh," Lily soothed. She slid out of his arms, took his hand. "Come lay with me under the stars."
I want real stars, he thought mournfully, and sighed. He might as well want the moon. He nodded and followed her to the bedroom. As he stripped off his clothes unceremoniously, he looked around and remembered anew why he loved this woman. The walls were dove gray, the ceiling the color of storm clouds. The bed had a cast metal canopy frame, draped with scarves of blue and gray and green, a few of gold, a bower. The bed covers were sea covers foam green, as were the drapes, and when they were drawn the room was night-dark even at high noon. There was no room for anything but the bed, two tiny night stands, and a dresser that ran the length of the wall, and yet the room was cozy, inviting. A place to sleep, if your career forced you to sleep day or night, and a place for lovers. But the ceiling was the most wondrous thing of all.
Hidden just below the ceiling were two tiny black lights, and flecked across the dark ceiling, invisible in normal light, were dots of florescent paint. With the lights off, the ceiling lit up in a galaxy of artificial stars.
Control climbed under the covers, rolled his lover into his arms, and settled back to look at the stars – the only stars they would probably ever lie together under. "I’m sorry, Lily. I know you were having a good night."
"I still am, kedves. I’m here with you."
"Hmmmm." He had to admit, here under the stars with her skin against his, he could feel the sadness draining out of him. He sighed. "Tell me about the other life, Lily."
"Hmm?"
"The one where we lay in our yard under real stars. The one with the house on the beach, and the dogs and the children. The other life. Spin a dream for me, Lily."
"Ah, yes." She shifted against his shoulder. "Well, the school called again today, little Alpha’s starting fights in the lunch room again, and Beta’s been making book in the teacher’s lounge. Charlie got her ears pierced by one of her little friends and they’re getting infected, so you’re going to have to buy her some real gold earrings …"
Control laughed. "Have we settled on names, then?"
"Well, they’re not official names, just their designations so we can keep them straight. Once we got past a dozen, it was an absolute necessity."
"A dozen," he repeated, bemused.
"Hey, if you’re going to dream, you might as well go all out."
"We’re gonna need a bigger house than the one I’d imagined," he said ruefully.
"Imagining bigger is easy," Lily answered. "Just imagine the contractors are honest."
"That’s a pretty big stretch."
She chuckled warmly. "Anything you want, love. Tell me and it’s yours."
Control sobered. "In the fantasy, or in real life?"
"Either," she answered quietly.
He tightened his arms around her. "Tell me …" He paused, struggled for the right words. "Tell me that it’s still out there. Tell me that there’s some hope that some day we’ll have the dream."
Lily rolled over to look at him. "I told you before. I will quit, if that’s what you want."
Control considered, then shook his head. "It’s not what you want."
"I want you to be happy."
He drew her head down, wrapped his arms very tight around her. "Just be here with me, Lily. It’s enough. It’s enough for now."
***
I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
From a speech made by Willy Brandt on 10th November 1989: "This is a beautiful day after a long journey. But it is only a stage. We have not yet reached our goal. We still havea long way to go."
***
THE END
Appendix: The Fall of the Wall Party Soundtrack (partial listing)
AC/DC "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap"
Armstrong, Louis “What a Wonderful World”
The Beatles “Back in the USSR”
Beaver Brown Band "On the Dark Side"
Blue Oyster Cult “Veteran Of The Pyschic Wars”
Bowie, David “Heroes” (from Theresa)
Browne, Jackson “Lives In the Balance” (from Theresa)
Buffet, Jimmy “Fins”
The Buoys "Timothy"
Church, The “Memories in Future Tense” (from Theresa)
The Clash “Rock the Casbah”
Collins, Phil "Don't Let Him Steal Your Heart Away"
Collins, Phil “Don’t Lose My Number”
Collins, Phil “In the Air Tonight”
Croce, Jim “One Less Set of Footsteps”
deBurgh, Chris "Moonlight and Vodka" (from Anna)
Denver, John "Back Home Again"
Eagles, The “Those Shoes”
Easton, Sheena “For Your Eyes Only”
Flack, Roberta “Killing Me Softly”
Frey, Glenn “Smuggler’s Blues”
Frey, Glenn “Who’s Been Sleeping in My Bed?”
Gabriel, Peter "Games Without Frontiers" (from Anna)
Gabriel, Peter "Wallflower" (from Pen)
Gaye, Marvin and Tammy Terrell "Ain't No Mountain High Enough"
Genesis “The Conqeror”
Genesis “Follow You, Follow Me”
Genesis “Land of Confusion”
Golden Earring “Radar Love”
Golden Earring “Twilight Zone”
Guns N’ Roses “Paradise City”
Guns N Roses “Welcome to the Jungle”
Hagar, Sammy “I Can’t Drive 55”
Hagar, Sammy “The Girl Gets Around”
Hart, Cory “Sunglasses at Night”
Head, Murray “One Night in Bangkok”
Henley, Don “All She Wants to Do is Dance”
Henley, Don “New York Minute”
The Hollies “Long Cool Woman”
Idol, Billy “Rebel Yell”
Jefferson Starship “Assassin”
Joel, Billy “Goodnight Saigon”
Joel, Billy “Only the Good Die Young”
Joel, Billy “You May Be Right”
John, Elton “Nikita”
John, Elton "Someone Saved my Life Tonight"
Journey “Faithfully”
Klark Kent (a.k.a. Stewart Copeland) “Strange Things Happen”
Laing, Shona "Soviet Snow" (from BJ)
Lennon, John "Imagine"
Lynyrd Skynyrd “Gimme Three Steps”
Lynyrd Skynyrd “Sweet Home Alabama”
Martika “Toy Soldiers”
McCartney, Paul and Wings “Live and let Die”
Mellencamp, John “Paper in Fire”
Mellencamp, John “Crumblin' Down"
Midnight Oil “Beds Are Burning”
Mike & The Mechanics “Silent Running”
Molly Hatchet “Flirting with Disaster”
Palmer, Robert “I Didn’t Mean to Turn You On”
Palmer, Robert “Simply Irrestistable”
Pink Floyd "The Wall" Pink Floyd (from Nina)
Police, The “Every Breath You Take”
Police, The "Invisible Sun" (from Pen)
Presley, Elvis “Suspicious Minds”
Queen “Another One Bites the Dust”
Queen “Keep Yourself Alive”
Queen “Killer Queen”
Queen “Princes of the Universe”
Queen “Who Wants to Live Forever”
Rice, Tim from Evita, “I’d Be Surprisingly Good for You”
Rivers, Johnny "Secret Agent Man" (from Pat D.)
Seger, Bon “Her Strut”
Shaw, Tommy “Girls With Guns”
Simon, Carly “The Spy Who Loved Me”
Simon & Garfunkle "Homeward Bound"
Sinatra, Frank “My Way”
Sisters of Mercy "Dominion/Mother Russia" (from Theresa)
Sisters of Mercy “Lucretia My Reflection” (from Theresa)
Springsteen, Bruce "Born to Run"
Springsteen, Bruce “Cover Me”
Sting "Russians"
Sweet "Ballroom Blitz"
Tears for Fears “Everybody Wants to Rule the World”
Thin Lizzy “The Boys are Back in Town”
Thin Lizzy “Soldier of Fortune”
The Three Degrees “When Will I See You Again”
Three Dog Night, "Mama Told Me Not to Come"
Timbuk 3 “The Future’s so Bright”
Tommy James & The Shondells “I Think We’re Alone Now”
Tull, Jethro “She Said She Was a Dancer” (from Pen)
Tyler, Bonnie “Holding Out for a Hero”
The Vogues “Turn Around, Look at Me”
Was (Not Was) “Dressed to be Killed”
“What’s Up”
The Who “Behind Blue Eyes”
Zevon, Warren "The Envoy" (from Pen)
Zevon, Warren "I'll Sleep When I'm Dead"
Zevon, Warren “Lawyers, Guns and Money"
Zevon, Warren "Roland the Headless Thompson-Gunner" (from Pen)
Torture Cuts
B-52’s “Love Shack” (from Pen)
Barnes & Barnes “Fishheads” (from Pen)
Boone, Debbie “You Light up My Life”
Herman’s Hermits "I'm Henry VIII, I Am" (from Paige)
Jacks, Terry “Seasons in the Sun” (from BJ)
Johns, Sammy “Chevy Van” (from BJ)
Los Del Rio "La Macarena" (from Mike)
Manilow, Barry “Copacabana”
McGovern, Maureen “The Morning After”
Murphy, Michael Martin “Wildfire”
Peter, Paul & Mary “Puff the Magic Dragon” (from Theresa)
Ronnie and the Daytonas “GTO” (from Vicki)
Sherman, Richard M. and Robert B. “It’s A Small World After All” (from Grace)
The Starland Vocal Band “Afternoon Delight” (from BJ)