Chapter Text
Humanity is a fragile thing, short and quick like flicking flame. Anyone who was put in the crosshairs of the Truth knew as much. Edward and Alphonse who lost what they had left of their family and each other, Hyakkimaru who lost his own body before he even was conceived, and now they learned of the first one who ever befell such a tragedy: the Elric’s father, Van Hoenheim, a Xerxian slave from millennia ago turned living Philosopher’s stone. The idea that his father was the immortal embodiment of such a twisted object soured Alphonse, but if his story was to be believed, he had no say in the matter. He was just the first pawn implemented by the homunculi’s Father to fulfill a master plan of godhood and the rest of them would be the next. He wasn’t the fifth, but the very first sacrifice– in a strange way they boys took comfort in that fact. It made him just slightest bit more human.
Hoenheim remained in Leore after their brief introduction, but promised that he’d see them again soon when it mattered most. Hyakkimaru hated promises, but this was one he just accepted to be inevitable. Still, the next time he’d hear someone say they were going to promise him something, he made a mental note to tell them to quit while they were ahead.
Similar to Alphonse’s father, they stayed near central– traveling to surrounding areas as need be. Without Ed there to be so gung-ho about everything, it felt like they were just sitting ducks, biding their time until doomsday arrived. Without Ed… what a foreign phrase that was to the sword-armed boy. It was an aspect of life he didn’t want to get used to. The loud world was quieter without him and not in a way that he liked. Amestris became the crowded, sickening cityscape of his nightmares, he roamed streets that he might have loved if he had someone there to show him what made them so special. But Edward was gone. He left before they had a chance to truly get close with one another. Hyakki would never admit it to anyone, but at night when he tossed and turned, he dreamt of him. He tried to imagine what he looked like based on the few things he knew: short, long yellow hair, metal limbs… but there were so many gaps that he feared he’d never know the answers to, either because Edward was gone forever or because Hyakki dreaded he’d never get his vision back. Both were terrible realities that he didn’t dare to consider, so instead, he continued his trek onward.
In their travels, the three found an Ishvalan refugee camp for them to stay for the evening. A place in the woods where all sorts of people were hiding to stay safe from prying Amestrian eyes and it also just so happened to be the perfect spot for Hyakkimaru to clear his mind. For someone who portrayed his mood so rawly, there was a lot of noise inside his head. It was one of the perks that came with being trapped within his own body for the majority of his whole life.
The forest outside the encampment was dense, darker than the blackest night (not that the darkness bothered Hyakki) and it suppressed even the loudest sounds that came from the surrounding settlement. All Hyakkimaru could hear was the sounds of nature along with his own breathing, it was peaceful. It had been awfully long since he had felt stillness inside of him and it was tranquil while it lasted. But, the silence didn’t last forever. From a ways away from where Hyakki sat on a stump, he could hear the distant sounds of leaves crunching beneath boots. Ever the cautious one, he readied his swords. Using his knees, he pulled off his prosthetics and tossed them to the ground.
The noise got louder and with it came a disgruntled voice. Hyakkimaru even made out the sound of a crackling fire, assuming that the person who came his way had a torch with them. He growled beneath his breath, whispering silent curses upon the bastard who went and ruined his evening. Though, it seemed his grunts had been heard as the voice spoke. “Hello? Someone there?” said the young man. Hyakkimaru watched as a particular soul pushed its way through the foliage and into the clearing where he sat. It waved its flame aimlessly, trying to make out who was before him.
His mouth parted. There was no way that it could be… “Edward!” He cried, racing toward him from the shadows with his arms outstretched.
The golden haired boy nearly dropped his torch when he heard who had called his name, instead standing there in shock. Hyakkimaru stopped when he was within the short range of his torchlight, he would’ve embraced him if it weren’t for the fact that racing toward someone with a pair of sharp weapons wasn’t a good idea. Ed’s arm quivered, but the surprise soon wore off and gave way to giddy relief. “Hyakki! It’s you!” He returned with a toothy grin, tears pricked his eyes. If there was a God, then he must’ve been shining down upon him this evening, since being reunited with his crush was the greatest boon one could ever ask for. It had been more than a full year since they met, not that he was keeping track (he was), but it meant that they were both eighteen now. A milestone birthday that neither of them got to celebrate, much less Hyakkimaru who didn’t even know when his birthday was.
Edward stomped his boot on the ground and out from the thump came a transmutation. The rocky soil shot up in the shape of fingers and plucked his torch from his hand, holding it there to free his arms. With the flame out of his clutches, he leapt at his friend and hugged him all the same. “Missed you,” murmured Hyakki, his voice as quiet as the breeze. In spite of his prosthetics being elsewhere, he wrapped what remained of his arms carefully around Edward’s back, his shorter height making him the perfect person to embrace. Hyakki then rested his cheek against his head and closed his eyes, taking in the feeling of his warmth against his body. He’d never felt a hug before, much less with the young alchemist that he had grown fond of. “A lot,” he added.
Edward snickered. As salty tears started to track down his freckled face, he gripped Hyakkimaru tighter and his fists balled up the fabric of his yukata. “Me too, you big oaf, me too…” He leaned his forehead against his chest and listened to his very real, very tangible heart beat. Ed was exhausted, tired of being on the run and making decisions for himself. Hyakki didn’t know how much he relied on him, how much he needed him. Seeing him again was a gift. “Heh… you smell! When’s the last time you’ve bathed?” Edward looked up at him. Only now was he blushing because of their proximity, their faces just inches away from one another.
Hyakki looked down with a dopey grin, his teeth showing. For the first time, Ed noticed that he had a charming gap between the front two and when he caught himself staring at his smile, it only made him feel even more embarrassed. “Can’t remember, ha ha!” Hyakkimaru laughed. “As long as I can’t smell myself, it is not a problem.”
Bracing his hands against his shoulders, Ed pushed off of him. He laughed breathily at his companion before gathering Hyakkimaru’s hands. From what he could tell from when he picked them up, Winry had improved them since they were last together in Briggs. They were no longer splintering wood, but lacquer instead. It seemed she had done her best to preserve what was there and when it came to the fingers of his that were too damaged, she went through the trouble of whittling them herself. He was impressed with how well she refurbished them, even if he knew doing such a thing was as easy as taking candy from a baby for her. “That’s one way to live, I guess…” he mused as he guided Hyakkimaru to sit down on the stump he was on before with a gentle tug on his sleeve. Edward knelt down in front of him and slid his prosthetics back on while a thought came to him. “Um, if you don’t mind my asking… How do you bathe?” He asked awkwardly.
Again, Hyakki just giggled. He could understand his curiosity and embraced it, it's not like had automail that functioned like a real arm like he did. His arms and one leg were stiff, practically all they were good for was mobility and combat. “I don’t really. I just sit in the water and soak. Sometimes if I’m covered in dirt or blood, Dororo will help wipe it off with a rag. But he only does so much. It still means a lot though,” answered the young warrior.
“That’s understandable.” Ed wondered if offering to help him would be crossing a line, he figured it was too soon. Save that for after they kissed, he supposed, and maybe for when Hyakkimaru could see him too. Edward's heart fluttered just thinking about it. He hated how the electricity he felt when they were alone together made him imagine the most embarrassing things… But, he ventured to guess Hyakki thought of such intimate scenarios as well. They were guys after all.
Bending forward, Hyakkimaru jutted his lip at him in mock frustration. In an effort to get Edward’s mind out of the gutter, he yanked on his hand and started to trace into it for old time’s sake. “Enough about my hygiene! Where the hell have you been!? We were worried you died!” He expressed, writing at a hasty speed.
“I’m fine, Hyakki! I wouldn’t just up and die on you all!” In an effort to convince him, Ed reached up and tried to tuck Hyakkimaru’s bangs behind his ear. But before he could gather them completely, his hand was smacked away. “Ouch! What was that for? I thought you liked it when I did that…!” protested the blonde.
Hyakkimaru’s brows furrowed. “You broke your promise. Another one! We’re strong enough to protect ourselves and here you are trying to be some selfless martyr! I’m pissed, but you better have a good excuse for your brother next time you see him! You’re supposed to get your bodies back together and he feared that hope was lost without you! You keep making our decisions for yourself and it’s not cute or heroic, it's just downright suicidal!” When he was finished berating him, Hyakki tossed his palm aside and crossed his arms. “There. I’m finished. It is good to see you, Ed, but I just had to get that out of my system.”
Sighing, the alchemist fell backwards into the grass with his arms outstretched. “I keep fucking up, I know, but–” Hyakki shot him a look. He knew what that meant. “What I mean to say is… I’m sorry.”
“Good. I forgive you.” Hyakkimaru was done lecturing him and laid down beside him. “And sorry for hitting your hand. That was unnecessary. Think I’m just tired.”
Edward turned to look at him, watching his hair lazily spilling across the ground. The moonlight had painted Hyakkimaru’s worried features so perfectly. It pained Ed knowing he caused him such distress and he knew Hyakki knew that. He guessed that was why he didn’t try to instigate an argument. “It's okay. We can save this for the morning, you know, talk about what we know with the others and all that,” suggested Ed.
Hyakki looked like the dead, laying there unmoving. The stillness of his prosthetics gave him that effect, and thanks to his unblinking eyes, Ed wondered if he had fallen asleep just then. His friend was funny in that sense, he just did things for no reason more than to do them. Predicting his next move was nearly impossible. He fascinated him, just as much as, if not more than, alchemy had. “No,” answered Hyakkimaru. “If I go to bed now, you might disappear.”
“Are you that afraid that I’ll leave you again?” Edward frowned. The more Hyakkimaru spoke, the more guilty he felt. Just once, he wished he could criticize him about something for a change.
Shrugging, Hyakki didn’t respond and continued to stare blankly at the sky. “We saw your dad a while ago,” he said aimlessly. Ed guessed what he asked was a subject the teen didn’t want to entertain.
Ed rolled over on his side, resting his head in his hand. “What’d he say? You tell him what you told me?” He was insinuating about the whole not being human thing they had found out together back in Briggs.
“We did. He said he’s a living Philospher’s stone from centuries ago, created by Father as a result of the extinction of Xerxes.” The way Hyakkimaru said it so nonchalantly was a bit laughable in this instance. He always had this kind of blatant tone when he spoke, sarcasm and nuance were never his specialty, but it was never short of amusing to the alchemist. Edward couldn’t blame him either, there really was no other plausible explanation. “Your conception was as average as the rest of us, though. No moment of divine creation from him brought you two into the world.”
“Huh, weird,” stated Ed so matter-of-factly. He wasn’t above apathy either.
Hyakki’s head rolled to look at him, his brow raised. “You don’t sound very surprised.”
“It’s hard to be anymore. That, and I don’t want to give my dad the satisfaction,” he hissed. Hyakkimaru giggled, Edward’s fits of angst were often quite funny to him— this being no different. Ed clicked his tongue. “Well then, what’s your dad like? I don’t think you ever told me. At least not in detail, I know what you said back at the cabin before we got gobbled up by Gluttony.”
His eyes closed, face looked to be in thought. Edward wondered if it was hard to remember things for him before he got his senses back, he guessed it must’ve. “Which one? The one that was there or the one that made me this monster?”
“Hey, what’d I say about calling yourself a monster?! This is, like, the third time! Edward pushed his shoulder lightly, but with enough force to show that he was bothered. Hyakki didn’t apologize. “And your actual dad, the doctor.”
“Right.” Humming, Hyakkimaru did his best to tell him what he could. They had been speaking for a while now and his voice was getting strained, but Edward knew better than to tell him to stop talking. These were decisions Hyakki had to make for himself. “His name was Jukai. At least, that’s what Dororo says it was anyways, I obviously didn’t know it when I was with him. But, he’s the one who kept me from dying as an infant and into my childhood. He carved me a body that I could puppet without much fear of getting dirty looks from others. Just imagine how a person looks without skin on their body and that’s how I lived for the first ten years of my life. He was less afraid of monsters and people hurting me than he was of me getting in contact with illness. I was at an incredible risk.”
As much as he didn’t want to, Edward could picture it: Hyakkimaru in his most bare form as a newborn before he killed his first demon. No skin, eyes, ears, nose, limbs, hair, and half the bones one needed to survive. Just a bloody, red lump of gore. He must’ve looked like carrion when he was delivered, but his heart beat and his lungs breathed. Poor thing. “It must’ve been difficult raising you. Children are curious after all.”
He laughed once, breathily. “I bet it was. I don’t recall much besides running around, falling, eating, and hunting like a wild beast. It’s not like he could stop me either, I couldn’t hear him. The only clue I had that he was there was that I knew him to be the first soul that stuck around me for years. The second being Dororo. I just think intrinsically I knew that he had helped me. A gut feeling,” sighed Hyakkimaru.
“But you aren’t with him anymore… Why?” Edward couldn’t help his curiosity.
Hyakki’s knees bent as he adjusted his position, buying him time to figure out how to say what he wanted to. “My dad was there when I killed my first demon, or more accurately: when he killed my first demon. He found me one day when I was struggling against it in bare combat, still too young to kill one on my own and took the opportunity to spear it. It was my left leg that I got back first.” Hyakkimaru stretched it out again and lifted it in the air. He rolled his ankle and spun his calf in circles. “He must’ve been startled seeing me grow a leg out of thin air, from the very bones to the nerves and muscles.”
Edward blinked. “To be honest, it still startles me every time you get a piece of you back.”
“Needless to say, he was the first to figure out what my fate was, before I even understood it. So, from that day onward he began to furiously forge my swords and carve my newest body. At first the fit was too large, but I guess he anticipated that I’d keep growing without him there and eventually I grew to fit its size perfectly. I’d only need it for long enough until I got my skin back anyway,” explained Hyakkimaru. Edward was enthralled by his tale, half because he was helplessly in love and half because he was actually a pretty good storyteller. “Then the day where he let me go came, he knew that if I wanted to be human I would have to kill the demons who took from me. I was twelve then, I think.” That was about the same age that Edward and his brother tried to resurrect their mother. They all were too young.
“What was it like?” Ed ventured to ask. “Abandoning someone you loved, I mean.”
He looked at Edward with a gut wrenching frown. “Back then I didn’t know how hard it was and I didn’t really feel much emotion until I could hear again. I wasn’t familiar with the world well enough to feel anything. So I hope his heart wasn’t broken watching me leave so easily,” he said quietly. “Still, he was the one who named me. My name isn’t a name at all, really, but he taught me to spell it all the same. I think maybe he called me Hyakkimaru so that others could understand more about me where my words would fail.” Looking at Edward thoughtfully, his voice was but a whisper. It was as if he was telling him a secret. “Back where I’m from, Hyakkimaru means “A hundred demons.”’
“That’s a little on the nose, don’t you think?” Ed had to admit naming the traumatized after what they were traumatized over wasn’t the kindest thing in the world. But maybe it was a badge of honor. After all, Fuhrer Bradley called him Fullmetal as a cruel joke.
Hyakkimaru nodded, but said no more. His story was finished. Edward was lucky he even got to hear it, if Hyakki actually wanted to sleep he would’ve already. Even now, he stopped talking but he wasn’t shutting his eyes. He must’ve really wanted to enjoy this moment with him, Ed hoped.
“Um, do you want another hug…?” Ed rubbed the back of his neck, unsure of what to say to him. What can you say to that anyway?
Without hesitating, Hyakkimaru took that as his cue. He rolled over and engulfed him, wrapping his cumbersome arms around him as if Ed were a stuffed animal. Laughing, Edward took it. They squeezed each other once before settling into a cuddle, where Ed was pulled flush against his chest and where Hyakki laid his hands on his waist. Their legs mingled comfortably, their eyes gazing at one another as the torchlight flickered over them. Ed was not going anywhere, you’d have to put a gun to his head to make him leave Hyakki again. That was for damn sure.
Edward’s own tone was hush, just merely a whisper against his cold cheek. “Would you like me to call you something else?” He offered, trying to accommodate him as best he could.
“No, I like my name,” said Hyakkimaru. He smiled, they could hear his heart was racing and Hyakki loved it. “It… sounds nice when you say it.”
A gasp left Edward’s chapped lips. His golden irises wide, his face hot. How come Hyakki was such a flirt!? “You ass!” Ed exclaimed dismissively. He made a face and looked away, squirming in his grasp.
He giggled. “It’s true.” Hyakkimaru’s hand moved from his waist to his face, dragging his knuckles to push his bangs aside. “A-And I’ve been meaning to ask…” His murmur trailed over nervously.
“Yeah?” He leaned into the touch, almost a little too eagerly. Hyakkimaru was looking right at him as he spoke, glassy eyes peering at his soul through his own very real ones. And while Ed knew it wasn’t his intention, he wondered if he just happened to know exactly where his eyes were and stared exactly at them. Still, he would never know what his own soul looked like and that bothered him. Could Hyakki see all of his secrets? His fragility? Did he know more about him than he let on? Edward would never know and the mystery was killing him.
Hyakkimaru, he was an ethereal and haunting being… but he wanted Ed to see him stripped of all his pride too. He so desperately wished to reveal his soul to him, if only he could. If only Edward could see what he saw.
“What do I look like to you?” Hyakki stammered.
His voice was plain, but laced with worry. It never occurred to Ed that Hyakkimaru didn’t know what he looked like. He likely assumed that he only knew vaguely what his appearance was based on other’s descriptions of him. But he wanted to hear it from his mouth, see through his eyes. He trusted Edward to be his mirror.
Ed anxiously took in his form, his silence indicative of how seriously he took the task. With a ghostly touch, he traced along his features with his automail— understanding and memorizing the topography. He was calculated with each of his motions, slow and steady. It was as if Edward was examining him not on a physical, but a chemical level. “Your nose is crooked,” started Ed simply. “When you set it back in, the prosthesis must’ve been askew.”
“Ah, I would’ve never noticed.” He nodded. “Tell me more.”
“Well, you've been in the sun too much. You’re getting moles. And the paint on your eyes is yellowing. And the way you smile is crooked, but in a sweet kind of way…” Edward’s eyes were then drawn to scar across the corner of his lip. It was small, just a nick to the bottom right. He said nothing at first. A drunk sensation took him over. “And… And…” He struggled.
“And what? Is there something wrong, should I be concerned?” Hyakki’s eyes narrowed.
“No, it's not that at all. It’s just that…” Edward was shaking. He didn’t know what came over him. He lost control of his speech. His face burned and his vision blurred. Ed just couldn’t resist it any longer, finally blurting out the fantasy he’d been dreaming of for weeks on end. “...I really want to kiss you right now,” whispered Edward. He went pale, the cute blush that dusted his face turned a ghastly white. He really said it. Dear God, he actually said it.
“Oh.” Hyakkimaru was shocked, completely frozen. His shoulders were shrugged tightly to his ears and his face was a bright red. The feelings that Edward often got in his presence were at their most potent for Hyakki and he felt like his body was running at ten times its usual speed.
He squirmed . The longer it took for Hyakkimaru to answer, the more feverishly Edward tried to escape his grasp. He wanted to run. He wanted to escape and forget this never happened. He wanted anything but this . “J-Just say something! Please, Hyakki, I–” Ed was interrupted.
Hyakkimaru’s hand cupped over his yammering mouth, silencing Edward into a starry-eyed stillness. The torch had since blown out from the gentle gale that breezed over them, tickling their long hair and lulling through the grass. His voice, deep and silken, simply whispered to Ed in a dulcet tone, “I’d like that,” said Hyakki. “I’d like that a lot.” His hand then pulled away from Ed’s face and rested on his cheek.
Edward was smiling widely, something he hadn’t done so unabashedly in a long while. If only Hyakkimaru could see how happy he looked now, he’d truly see how much this meant to him, thought Ed. But then again, he was sure he knew he was anyway. He could feel his joy in his touch, hear it in his voice, and see it in his spirit as it shined as brightly as the stars. “You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to do this,” admitted Edward with a pleased look. He then rested his hands over Hyakkimaru’s chest, feeling his warm skin and heartbeat underneath his loosely robed yukata. His eyes were lidded, their surroundings fading out of view. Time had stopped.
He leaned forward only slightly for Hyakki to meet him in the middle. His breath caressed his skin, a heated tantalizing feeling that finally assured the alchemist that this was truly happening. Then, after one last deep breath, Ed pitched toward him. Their lips crashed in an awkward way with Hyakki puckering in anticipation, such was the way of first timers, but they passionately corrected themselves. Edward’s dewy lips embraced dry, cracked, and scarred ones with feverish excitement. And just when he thought they’d keep their first kiss chaste, Hyakkimaru pulled Ed deeper. It was as if he was trying to explore and memorize his taste, savoring him for when they were apart. Edward made a noise of surprise, only to melt into it effortlessly. His spread fingers quickly balled into fists as Hyakkimaru insisted they stay together for as long as their breath would allow them. Until, at last, they were panting against each other.
“You’re amazing, Edward,” wrote Hyakkimaru against his back as he still was catching his breath.
“Oh please,” Ed managed. “I can’t be that good. But, ah, I didn’t think you were that eager.” His face reddened, admittedly flustered that he was so bold as to make the kiss a lot less simple than he expected.
Hyakki giggled in between lazy kisses he placed all over Ed’s face, covering nearly every inch of his numerous freckles. “Why wouldn’t I be? Of course, I am excited to be close with you, I’ve been drawn to you since the moment we met.”
“You’re kidding,” exasperated Edward. Out of all the things he hardly believed, for some reason this was one of the more jarring ones. “You, the badass warrior kid with cool hair and even cooler arms and a nice smile and a sweet voice and a handsome face and and and… I’m getting off track– You’re telling me you were into a loud idiot like me this whole time? Seriously?”
Ed smiled sweetly, laughing heartily as he was peppered with pecks across his face. “Was I not obvious enough?” rebuked Hyakkimaru.
“Um…” Edward tried to remember every instance when they first met that Hyakkimaru might’ve tried to convey as something more than friendship. The sleeping on his shoulder, the eagerness to trace into his hand, the energetic hovering around him… He supposed it made sense. He was just too dense to notice. “I mean, I don’t know. It’s not like I know what signs to look for either. We’re both pretty new to this, right?”
Nodding, Hyakki agreed. “Perhaps we should “take it slow” then. But we shouldn’t be strangers either.”
He had a point, navigating a blossoming relationship in the midst of calamity wasn’t the best of times to date. Casual it is. “We’ll keep it quiet then, I mean, I’m not the biggest fan of broadcasting this to everyone–” Hyakki coughed and Ed’s brow raised.
“It appears your dad believes we are together.” He scratched the back of his neck with a guilty grin.
“I’m sorry, what?!”
Hyakkimaru spoke in an anxious hush. “A-And since I didn’t really deny it… So do our brothers.”
Ed’s jaw dropped. He wasn’t mad at him by any means, but it was just a bit strange that so many knew before it was even true. Maybe that's for the best, he thought, perhaps that means when they both come forward to admit it then at least they know their family definitely doesn’t mind it. “Well,” he started. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”
“Alright, then… what now?” Hyakki asked as his forward pressed against his own. Their legs intertwined like knotted strings.
“Sleep. I think we both need it, for sure,” answered Edwards.
“That sounds perfect.”