Chapter Text
List-making was a recent hobby. If Fern were to rank it on his list of favorite hobbies, it’d be between fighting and napping. He probably picked it up from Jake. Jake loved a good list.
One good thing about list-making was the lack of violence. A nice, calm hobby to keep their potentially hypothetical nerves from being frayed. Just him, the paper, and the pencil. Little checkboxes and notes.
Fern stayed crunched over his list at the table, each word carefully written out beside it’s corresponding box, his neatest lettering. He’d been trying to change up his handwriting, differentiate it from Finn’s, give it a unique kick. He’d gone through a few different fonts, but he was still on the hunt for one that was special but easy to fall into naturally without much concentration.
His list was for Lemongrab’s upcoming holiday. It was, to Fern’s admitted loose understanding, the equivalent of a birthday. It wasn’t a party, per se, more of a day of private celebration. The other Lemon citizens would give offerings, there was a livestock sacrifice, a poetry reading, a big dinner. Princess Bubblegum was supposed to make an appearance, but apparently she didn’t want to, so her invitation had been formally revoked.
Birthday customs were different everywhere. Probably. Fern assumed, anyway. But a gift would probably be appreciated.
The list was growing longer. Ideas for gifts and where to look for them.
The Earl was a particular person. He liked baseball catcher’s mitts, he liked dolls, he liked bland foods, he liked peppermint, he liked organized events, he liked quiet, he liked checkers. He hated headphones, string music, spicy food, his mother.
He actually didn’t own much. A few catcher’s mitts, books, that stress ball. He’d probably appreciate a practical gift. He wasn’t one for overtly frivolous things.
Fern finished his list, thirty items long and neatly organized, and rolled it up. He slid it into his backpack.
The rest of his roommates were napping in a pile in the dining room. On the floor. Finn was going to wake up with a stiff neck. Fern debated kicking him awake to save him the misery but decided he can suffer for his decisions. It wasn’t Fern’s job to save him from himself.
To get something unique and distinctly to the Earl’s tastes, they decided to go to a different market than normal. It was outdoors like his usual place, each stall made of different interesting materials, offering unusual goods for usual prices. Fern had stolen a handful of gold pieces from under Jake’s pillow to spend.
It was early afternoon, a perfectly good time for shopping, but the market was fairly empty. A few animals and gnomes were browsing but that was all. It was actually nice. Fern preferred quiet anyway.
Finding the perfect gift was, as expected, a challenge. There were so many fun trinkets and doohickeys. Cursed wizard wands, exotic animal skulls, bottled souls, tasty snacks. So much to look at, it was almost overwhelming.
“It’s a very good coat. It’ll last you a lifetime.”
He ran a feathery green finger over the rough texture. Would the texture bother the Earl? It wasn’t too abrasive. “And it’s made of dragon skin leather?”
The clerk nodded, bottom lip worried between her teeth. She had sharp canines that somehow didn’t tear into herself.
Fern pursed his own lips and turned the coat around, looking at every angle. It was a weird cut. A snatched waist, a wide flair, thin noodle-like arms. Who was in mind when this was made? “Hm.”
“It’s a thirty coppers. Or, a single gold piece. Quite the bargain, huh? Whaddya say, big guy?”
“Don’t patronize me.”
She frowned and looked away.
Fern tried on the coat. It was a little snug, even on him. Lemongrab was maybe a size larger than they were. It wouldn’t do. He shrugged it back off and handed it back to the clerk.
“No thanks.”
Her eye twitched but she didn’t say anything.
He moved on.
Fern referenced his list as he browsed. There were a few items that fit the bill. He’d hold them, turn them around in his hand, and put them back. Many a shopkeeper were impatient with his fickleness.
After the sun started to crawl in the sky, the day passing him by, he paused in a spot of sunlight to grab a snack.
Maybe he’d add gift shopping to his list of hobbies. It was fun. Even if the progress was slow.
He remembered going shopping. When he was Finn. Did he enjoy that back then? He couldn’t remember fully. Were those fond memories due to nostalgia? He wasn’t even sure if the Finn he knew liked shopping. He hadn’t gone out with him for a while. That
was kind of sad.
Fern frowned up at the sky and changed positions to change his mind. The sun warmed his face.
The next handful of booths were more promising. There was one that only sold yellow items. Fern lingered there for a long minute. He eventually decided it was too on the nose.
He peeked at a slide-whistle, a glass statue of a baseball mitt, a pair of stiletto-heel boots, a hat with a dandy little feather, a decorative pillow with Matthew embroidered on it, a wicker basket filled with shiny marbles. Each had its perks, but also drawbacks.
He wanted to find something perfect.
Lemongrab deserved the perfect gift.
Maybe it was time to go to a different market. Another day trip. That was a little disappointing. Fern frowned down at his list. A few fellow market patrons nearly rammed into him.
He decided to check the closest two stalls then call it a day. He was getting tired of the crowd. So many overlapping voices.
They slipped through a crowd of rabbits around the carrot booth. On the other side, a booth selling second-hand goodies. Was that worth a peek? Maybe. He was running out of options. A little resigned, he shuffled up to the booth.
Satchels, gloves, hand-carved checkers and chess pieces, wind instruments, a collection of miniature but fully functional lutes. Interesting.
“Like what you see?” the shopkeeper asked, adjusting his monocle. He smiled, exposing flat neon orange teeth, “Everything is 75% the original price!”
That wasn’t saying much. Everything was unreasonably expensive.
Gingerly, Fern looked through the merchandise. All of it seemed high quality. Sturdy in his hands.
He picked up a hat, examining it from all angles. He glanced down at the price and winced He moved to put it back but his attention was grabbed by something that’d been hidden behind the headpiece. Oh.
The winner ended up being a small wooden case. It could hold a myriad of things. Lemongrab owned a lot of little somethings and he loved to keep everything organized. The case was dark brown, engraved with the pattern of a citrus tree, with gold hinges and a plush bright yellow interior. Anything precious stashed away wouldn’t get scratched up. It was a good weight, it smelled like cedar, it was easy to open but not too loose it’d fall shut. It was so perfect he wanted to scream in delight when he found it.
It cost ten gold pieces. Fern didn’t mind costing Jake that much.
The shopkeeper wrapped it in tissue paper to keep it safe and gave it to him in a brown paper bag. Fern cradled it close to his chest.