Chapter Text
“You ready for this Ezra?” Hera’s voice broke through Ezra’s meditation. “Because we’re dropping out of Hyperspace now.”
“Yeah.” was his response as he stared out the viewport, watching as the swirling blue of hyperspace gave way to the stars of the other galaxy.
And to an aerial view of Peridea. A place he had once hoped to never return to. A place he had known he would have to return to eventually.
Sabine was down there, waiting for him. Pregnant with his child. And he was going to be a father. Force that part hadn’t quite sunk in yet. He hadn’t even thought about having children since he left for Peridea for the first time, outside of the endless what ifs of what his life would have looked like that had swirled around his head. But thinking about if he wanted them? At his core he did, but like this? Now? And did Sabine? Her relationship with her family had been fractured at best. And he knew that at some point she had mentioned that she feared becoming her mother.
It was all he had been able to think about for the past week, since his conversation with Hera. How Sabine would be taking this. How she would react.
How he wasn’t there for her.
“Initiating scans.” Hera said beside him. “Any information you can provide me about where they might be would be helpful.”
“Uh yeah. Southern hemisphere, the large landmass that kinda looks like a lothwolf.” Ezra was still staring at the planet. “That’s where I left them.”
Hera nodded beside him and punched instructions into her guidance systems before turning to look at him. “Are you okay?”
It took a minute for him to respond. “Yeah. Just didn’t expect to be back so soon.”
Hera nodded and relaxed back in her seat, clearly content to wait in silence for him while the Ghost ran its scans.
Outside the Ghost one of the Purgill they had travelled alongside gave him one slow blink, silently communicating that they would be here when he needed them again, before drifting off, chasing her young who had begun to play amongst the bones of their ancestors.
“Do you think she’ll hate me?” Ezra whispered the words, scared to admit the fears that had been sitting like a knot in his stomach
Hera sighed and shifted in her seat. “I didn’t hate Kanan. Jacen was hardly planned, poorly timed, nothing was how I wanted it to be, even before Kanan died. But there was never going to be a good time for us. I think we both knew that. I think he knew he wouldn’t live to see Jacen born. I hated everything about that situation except for Kanan, and Jacen.” She paused, it was the most she had spoken about Kanan in a long time. And it had been a long time since she had had someone who would understand. “I don't think Sabine is going to hate you either. Everything else? For sure. But you? I don't think she has it in her.”
Ezra sat with what she had said for a moment, letting her words sink in and soothe his anxiety.
“Kanan knew?”
“About Jacen? Yes. That he was going to die? I think so. He was having nightmares he wouldn’t tell me about. That wasn’t normal, he always used to tell me what he saw.” Hera said, her voice cracking. ”With these ones he’d just hug me tighter, like he was scared that if he wasn't holding me I’d disappear, and tell me how much he loved me. At times it sounded more like a prayer.”
Ezra let her words hang between them before he spoke again. “I knew I was going to leave. Not the details, not even the when at first. I didn’t know if I was going to come back. It started coming clear as I meditated on it, as it got closer. I didn’t want to go. But I knew that if I fought the flow of the Force people would get hurt, more than they already were going to be.” He took a deep breath. “It's a curse that the Force lays on us, telling us these things, payment for the power we wield. And we can’t fight it because that leads to madness and pain and destruction.”
“You’ve gotten wise Ezra.” Hera said with a small smile. “Kanan would be proud.”
“You think so?” Ezra said with a smile. “Because I think he’d be lecturing me about safe sex, and how all of this could be avoided.”
“Trust me that man would be in no position to judge you.” Hera said, reaching for one of her instruments that had begun to flash red. “I think we’ve found them, you ready for this?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” He said, his eyes trained on the radar blip. “You’ll stop her from killing me right?”
“This is your burden to bear, kid.” Hera smiled at him. “It’ll be fine. She loves you. She always has.”
Sabine was on a rocky outcrop, where Ahsoka had said she would be, moving through lightsaber forms with a meditative slowness. She wasn’t wearing her armour, but instead a cropped tank top and loose trousers that clung to her slim hips. Ezra paused just to look at her, watching her movements, admiring the way she made something so lethal look so beautiful. Eventually she reached the end of her routine, pausing to hang the saber from her hip, and take a drink from a canteen she had rested against a rock.
“Sabine.” His voice came out shakier than he had expected. He hadn’t been prepared for this, not fully.
Her eyes fluttered open and she dropped the canteen. “Ezra!” She squeezed her eyes shut and muttered “No, it's just my mind playing tricks on me. Like everything else on this stupid planet.”
Ezra walked closer to her, gently reaching out a hand to rest on her shoulder. “Sabine, it's me. I’m so sorry I left you.” He didn’t mention what had led him to his return. “I’m so sorry.”
“Ezra.” She opened her eyes again, staring into his. “You came back.”
“Of course.”
With that she pulled him into a hug as he wrapped his own arms around her, burying his face in her hair, enjoying the way she smelled and the feel of her in his arms. It had only been a few months separated from her and yet that was too long. He had missed her, her touch, her everything.
“I’m so sorry.”
“I shouldn’t have”
“It's not your fault.”
The words spilled out of them like blood from a wound. A thousand apologies for something neither needed to be sorry for.
“I’m sorry.” He layered as much meaning as he could into those words. Sorry he left her, sorry it took him so long to return, sorry he broke his promise to her. “I shouldn’t have gone with Thrawn. I should have followed you.”
“You were exactly where you needed to be.” Sabine whispered. “Just like I was.” She paused for a moment. “I didn’t expect to see you again. Not so soon.”
He tightened his grip on her. “Neither did I. The New Republic wouldn't let us come back, too much to deal with with Thrawn-”
“So why are you here?”
“Because I promised I wouldn’t leave you.” He said. It was the truth, part of it at least. He had promised her that. He would have been back sooner if not for the New Republic’s endless bureaucracy. “Because I’m needed here more.”
Sabine nodded. “I’m guessing Hera is here too then?”
“Of course.” He said with a small smile. “I don’t think anything could have kept her away from here. Not this time.” Ezra continued to dance around the issue. He wasn’t going to make any assumptions. Hera might still be wrong.
Sabine pulled away from him and crouched so she could sit on the edge of a rock overlooking the valley. She patted the space beside her in an invitation for him to sit next to her, and when he did she rested her head on his shoulder. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too.”
It was a simple statement, but one that meant so much to them both. Even though this separation had been shorter, it had been harder. The fleeting moment of what could have been when they had each other had left them both mourning, wondering if it was ever meant to be. Or if they were doomed like so many others
“I did mean it. I am sorry I left you again.” Ezra whispered, just barely loud enough for Sabine to hear. “I should have stayed with you.” He tried to put as much meaning into his words as he could.
“You did what you had to.” She reminded him, a smile playing across her lips as she patted her lower abdomen. “And besides, you didn’t leave me alone. Not this time.” She grabbed one of his hands and pressed it to her stomach, hoping he would get her meaning without her having to say the words.
“So Hera was right.” He said, fingers tracing little patterns on her exposed belly.
“Ahsoka thought she might have figured it out.” Sabine said.
“I’m sorry about that too.”
“Why?”
“I should have been more careful.”
“So should I. Force knows I’ve ahd enough lectures about how not to get pregnant.” She said with a sigh. “I’m coming to terms with it. The baby.”
“Our baby.”
“I won't force you to raise it with me, Ezra.” Sabine said, tears prickling in her eyes. “We hadn’t even talked about this.”
“You wouldn't have to force me to.” He said. “It's not what either of us expected, or planned for. But I can’t leave you to do this on your own. I love you too much for that.”
I love you too much for that . The words rang in Sabine’s mind. Had he said that to her before? She couldn’t remember. Maybe during their brief reunion, when she was too distracted to pay attention. She knew she had said as much to him in Mando’a, and he had looked at her in a way that burned, and made her blush to remember. She hadn’t been sure he understood her words, but the intention must have made it through.
“I know.” She smiled, lacing her fingers with his where they rested on her abdomen. “I love you too.”
They sat like that for a while just enjoying each other’s closeness, and watching as the sun set across the valley. Eventually Ezra broke the silence.
“How did you think it would happen? You having kids?”
Sabine’s face twisted into a grimace. “I didn’t, for a long time. I avoided it. Avoided my parents trying to set me up with a husband, avoided the men and women on Lothal who hit on me. Those who were after something serious at least.” She sighed. “Before you left ten years ago I thought I’d made up my mind that I didn’t want them. But really I think I was just scared of becoming my mother.”
“And now?”
“Well I think I’m past the point of backing out.” Sabine smiled. “And I think I’m past the point of wanting to back out.”
“I’d understand if you did.”
“No, I’m where I need to be.” She tilted her head up to look at him. “What about you?”
He rubbed at his beard for a moment, lost in thought. “I don’t think I ever considered it. It just never felt like an option. When my parents died I was too young to care about building a family. And then there was the war, and Jedi training, and then my exile. There was never a time when I saw myself having a family in the future. Only in what ifs and maybes. But even then, it was daydreams I distracted myself with.” He sighed. “ Until Hera’s theory, I hadn’t thought about it. It’s something I'm coming to terms with. And if it's something you want, then so do I.”
Sabine smiled and kissed him. “Good. Because I do. If it's with you.”