Chapter Text
Dogma hummed to himself, a smile not fading from his face. A few days ago no one would’ve thought that was possible besides Tup. ‘ Dogma? Happy? Did some vod get in trouble?’ (Even though Dogma never was happy if a vod got in trouble, got anxious if they did because what would it take for them became just like him-) but even the thoughts didn’t make the smile fade.
For the last few cycles, Clit, Shin, and Rash had met with him and Tup for every meal. Hardcase usually liked to come along with Jesse and Fives, but not all ways. It took a bit for Dogma to feel relaxed enough to really let himself lose, let himself feel safe around them like he did around Tup-but he did.
It was the best feeling in the world.
Dogma was afraid that they would want Dogma to become “Vi” again, but they… didn’t. They expressed that they knew it was a possibility he could come back, in forms of memories, but settled that they wanted to know Dogma . They wanted to talk to him. Wanted to know about him.
And that’s what happened. In their freetime, in the mess rooms and bunks, they would come and chat. Dogma started to become more comfortable around them and they started to see Dogma.
(They said he was still Vi, that he wasn’t some carbon copy of whatever the long necks wanted. That they couldn’t take away who he was at his core. Shin was scared at first when he said that, eyes darting away from him, but something in it calmed Dogma at the reassurance. Knowing that he was somebody. That he wasn’t just a husk of a soldier. That he was real. Was still a human underneath his armor and wiped memories. That he was still something.)
Dogma could see them as vod too. Could see them as his brothers he fought for in this war. He could see in their eyes they thought the same.
But all good things come to an end.
Dogma’s new found brothers were going to leave and Dogma was off with the rest of the 501st to the front lines.
Dogma knew he couldn’t keep anything. Couldn’t keep his brothers next to him in battle, even after the days of a reconnection and relationship that had bloomed. Of having someone who understood.
But Dogma was a soldier. He was a good soldier. So he sucked up his emotions and knew that he had one more day left with his three batchmates. Knew that when he laid down on his bunk with the lights out and brothers asleep next to him, that he had one day left.
(One day to know what had happened.)
Dogma tried to fall asleep but didn’t get far when Tup’s comm above him alert of a message. Tup shifted for a moment before he got up. Dogma listened to see if his vod needed him but Tup just walked to the door as it slid open.
“Did I wake you?” A voice asked. Low in tone but held the concern that Dogma identified with Clit.
“No, just laid down.” Tup repsoned, not too far from the truth. “What can I help with?”
“I just want to talk to you briefly before I left,” Clit said.
Dogma realized he shouldn’t be eavesdropping and tried to shut them out.
“About Dogma?”
“Yes,” Clit answered, and suddenly Dogma didn’t want to ignore the conversation. Plenty of brothers had talked about him behind his back, but he didn’t think Clit would say anything too bad.
He wondered what his vod wanted to say. What Tup would say. (Did they think he was trying his best? He tried to be a good brother, good soldier...)
“You're good for him, Tup,” Clit stated in a hushed voice.
“I tried my best to be,” Tup whispered back, “He was there for me, the least I can do is be there for him. Even after…”
Clit was silent a moment before there was a shifting of fabric and a deep sigh, “Keep an eye on his backside for me? Recon’s don’t get many friends and he-”
“He doesn’t make it easy for the 501st, I know.” Tup answered. “I will, but he's a good shot.”
“I don’t just mean in the battlefield,” Clit replied.
“...He’s vod , my twin. I won't let anyone hurt him.”
Twin? Twins were impossible, they were grown separately in tubes and-oh. Oh .
Dogma didn’t know Tup and his relationship was that strong. He hadn’t dared to hope-twins… closer than vod . Someone who felt as if you lived your whole life by their side. Someone who you felt connected to, like a full piece next to. (Dogma had practically spent his whole life next to Tup, he didn’t remember much besides waking up and learning what he had done. No memories… but Tup was there. Tup was his br… his twin.
Dogma’s chest warmed at the thought, swirling with a hope and gee of the idea. Of being claimed by someone who loved him so. Wanted to be close to him. To be his twin .)
“Twin?” Clit chuckled, “I didn’t know you felt so close.”
Dogma could hear Tup’s smile in his voice, “Yeah… I’ll keep watch over him. I know he’ll do the same for me. Already has.”
“Thank you,” Clit answered, “Thank you for watching out for him when I can’t.”
“We’re clones, we watch out for all our vod ’ e .” Tup said without hesitation.
“Then keep yourself up, Tup. I want to meet up at 79’s for drinks so you better not disappoint.” Clit teased.
“Then I’ll see you there,” Tup reassured.
“Get some rest, vod .” Clit responded as Tup said like-wise.
The door shut and Tup made his way to his bunk above Dogma’s. He settled down above him and Dogma grinned. Unable to help himself. Tup was the best twin he could’ve asked for. He promised himself he would always watch his back. He would be there for Tup, no matter what.
-
Dogma was curled up on Shin’s bed as his batchmate talked. Shin was sitting across from him while Tup and Rash sat on the floor while Clit leaned on the bunk pole. Shin’s whole face was lit up as he was telling the story of where Rash’s name had come from while Rash’s cheeks heated up and Tup was full tilt leaning into the storytelling.
“And then-and then!” Shin brushed into a laugh, “Vi-Vi snapped back, saying that maybe Rash would have a better time in the rain to match his attitude. So then Rash took Vi’s red pudding-” Ah, his favorite still. “And slammed it into his face! Clipper was laughing on the floor and Rash was pulled into the bridge when he punched Clit for trying to get involved!”
“We named him Rash after because of his rash decisions that he insisted on making.” Clit stated as he gave a cold eye to Rash.
Rash rolled his eyes, looking to Shin as he muttered, “At least my name wasn’t because my ‘eyes are shiny’”
Shin scoffed, “I’m just a brighter soldier compared to you.”
“Wha-ey!”
Shin stuck his tongue out immaturely while Rash reciprocated the action. Clit took a deep breath like a tired ode’vod .
“Where are you guys headed next then?” Shin asked, leaning on the bunk that Dogma guessed was Clit’s.
“Somewhere on the front lines I’m told,” Dogma answered. Tup shrugged, not having any more information than Dogma.
Clit grimace, “Back on the front lines?”
Dogma shrugged, “I don’t mind much, and General Skywalker plans always work.”
Shin gave a kind smile, “Then you shouldn’t have to go out of your comfort zone and there shouldn’t be any worry.”
He knew Shin meant it in the way he reacted to the Regs. Unlike most of the 501st, they understood Dogma’s fear. That he would be recon again or worse. That he would mess up like he once had. (He wanted to know the truth.)
The others had been more touchy about it too, more gentle when he stated a rule. Five’s would still roll his eyes, but his quibs had stopped for the moment. Dogma was thankful for it.
“Survived this long,” Rash muttered with a smirk and with a wide grin, “Hit some clankers for us! I know you still have that quick shot and aim up your sleeve.”
Dogma grinned, cheeks flushing at the mention. “I’ll try, Rash.”
“Atta boy,” Rash remarked with a wink as Clit rolled his eyes.
“I have no doubt that Dogma will be fine on his mission, you're not shiny anymore.” Clit reassured, “But you should get some rest, and you too, Tup. Once we get off you're going to be grounded.”
Dogma swallowed, fingers fidgeting at his side, not wanting to say goodbye quite yet. He chewed on his lip before taking a deep breath. He looked down, not willing to meet their gaze as he asked quietly, “Why was I reconditioned?”
There was silences.
Dogma expected it, but the longer it lasted, the more he shifted and fidgeted. Finally gaining the gall to look up to see their pained gaze. Tup looked sorrowful, but his lips were in a firm line. He knew nothing, but in his eyes Dogma knew he was following Dogma’s lead.
Dogma looked at Shin, how his eyes went wet and how Rash looked angry, more at himself with his fist balled up, and Clit looked guilty. He waited, watching them all before Clit let his shoulders drop.
“It started with Clipper…” He whispered.
“Can you tell me about him?” Dogma asked, he heard his name a few times, head ringing every time, but he wanted to know of his former batchmate.
Shin gave a small smile, “You were… close. Closer than the rest of us, Clipper was one to reel-in your wildness and get your determination and focus back on our studies and training. You kept him in check from doing anything stupid because he always wanted to do the next thing. Would almost break his neck to do things he wasn’t ready for.”
“We’d joke he’d be the youngest ARC from how he wanted to keep getting better.” Rash added.
Clit chuckled, shaking his head, but his eyes were pained. “You even got your tattoos together, were smiling like a bunch of rookies that just took out a separatist fleet.”
Dogma instinctively rubbed his forehead, he had always wondered why his past self had gotten it. Now he guessed it had been a symbol of his name, of a memory.
Dogma put his hand down as the others looked at him. Tup jumped up on the bunk as he put his hand over Dogma’s, showing that he was there for him. His twin. His vod that wouldn’t ever leave him.
Dogma took a deep breath, trying to quell the headache between his eyes. He looked to Clit, “What happened?”
Clit closed his eyes for a brief moment, “We had been on a few missions, gotten our paints already. We were on this jungle planet, losing badly to the clunkers. Brush was too hard to walk through and the wildlife wouldn't leave us alone. Then they told us they were bombing near our position, the separatist base was close and we just got their shields down-”
Clit cut himself off. Rash took up where he left off. Voice rough, “We didn’t have enough time or transport to all get out. Had to do it fast before the Seppies took notice-we didn’t all make it. They pulled us out, but over a hundred were left behind. Karking Nat-born officer didn’t even care. Said the sacfire of them all was worth it-” Rash huffed, hitting his hand on the floor as he gritted his teeth, “We lost the planet, they all died for nothing… there were so many of them…”
“Later we found out there could’ve been time to pull more out,” Shin muttered, “More transports that could’ve arrived, but the Nat-borns didn’t want to try, so they left those brothers to die.”
Dogma’s heart drummed in his ears, how could the officer do that? They were made to listen, to be good soldiers, but they didn’t deserve that. They had done their job, so why hadn’t the officers helped?
(They followed orders, but they weren’t in their favor. Why?)
“Was Clipper in…?” Tup asked.
“No,” Clit said softly, hands trembling as he folded them over his chest. “No, he was with us. After we learned that their sacrifice could’ve been avoided, Clipper went mad. He lost good vod , we all did. So he confronted the Nat-born officer, basically started bashing him on what could’ve been done instead. He… the nat-born shot him. Shot him dead.”
The ringing in his ears multiplied, almost like screaming. Like he could hear others screaming and himself. Crying for a brother already marching on. Screaming at the injustice of the action. Could feel the weight of something in his hand.
“And Vi…Vi shot the Nat-born back,” Clit said, “Shot him in the arm, right at his elbow. But it… wasn’t in time. He… the nat-born was dismissed and Vi was reconed. We lost two brothers that day, but I knew you never regretted it.” Clit stated, looking at Dogma.
Dogma swallowed, looking at his hands. Wondering how he could’ve done it. Wondered what it would feel like to lose Tup, what he would do for his brothers. (He hadn’t killed the officer. Had that been restraint?)
“We knew you’d forget us,” Shin said quietly, “But we hoped… we already hoped to meet again. You were stubborn enough to live, so we made ourselves keep up hoping. Look into anything we could to find you.”
“And we did,” Rash responded with a genuine smile, “And now we found you Dogma.”
Dogma swallowed, frowning, “But your leaving soon-”
Rash leaned over to him, gabbing his vibrace and inputting his code. “There was planning on giving it to you anyways. We might not be able to chat during missions, but we can still keep in check. So then we won’t ever lose you again.”
Dogma stared at the comm code, determined to memorize it. To promise himself to never forget. He smiled a ‘thanks’.
“Besides, you don’t remember having any drinks right?” Rash asked.
Dogma shook his head, ever since he and Tup got to the 501st they never had leave time. They were on the go constantly from their general, who was one of the widely known faces for the war.
“Great,” Rash replied, “Because I desperately want to see you get drunk again.”
Dogma doubted he’d like to. He didn't like the idea of no control so he just rolled his eyes at Rash’s comment as Shin and Clit chuckled.
“Regardless, at 07 we’re having to leave so you better rest up,” Clit told him and Tup.
Dogma nodded and walked out of the room feeling lighter. He… he had always wondered what he had done. What was so terrible, but now… Now he wasn’t so scared. Knew that he had done it to protect his brothers. Had learned more about his past, regardless if it wasn’t him anymore.
It felt good to know, the headache lessening in his mind. A burden lifted.
-
It was the next morning and Dogma’s stomach was in hyperspace. He felt so nervous. He never felt this way until he joined the 501st, scared he wouldn’t be good enough. Now he was scared for his brothers. At seeing them leave. Tup stayed by his side as they approached his old batchmates.
He leaned over and asked, “Do you want me to wait or come with?”
Dogma shook his head, “No, it’s okay. I… I can do it. Just wait for me here?”
“Of course, vod.” Tup answered. Dogma’s chest fluttered at the words, at being called vod. He nodded and Tup backed away. Dogma turned back to his batchmates when he saw someone coming towards him.
Dogma straightened up when he saw the Captain approaching. He snapped his hand up to his temple and looked forwards.
“At ease,” Rex stated as Jesse walked next to him.
Dogma gave a frown, looking to Jesse for an explanation. Had he done anything wrong? He was always careful but maybe he finally slipped this week because his batchmates were leaving-
“I’ve talked to Rex about your situation, Dogma.” Jesse said, a light smile on his lips but something wary in his eyes. “And he’s willing to put in the paperwork for a transfer to the 634rd, if you want it.”
“You can go with them.” Rex said, voice soft. Unsoldier like for the first time Dogma ever knew him. He gazed at him, concern edged into the lines on his face, but calm.
The 501st was a closely knitted group, even their General and Commander considered themselves friends with their soldiers. They were vod here. Vod ’ e that Dogma never let himself feel. Tried to distance himself because he thought himself wrong. (But that wasn’t the case. He was a good brother once, maybe he can relearn how to be a good one again. Maybe here, he can be vod .)
But they were letting him go.
He looked to where his batchmates were waiting for him, for their goodbye. He had their private comm codes, but it wouldn’t be the same as being with them. This week, he had felt… he had gotten his answers. He had learned who he had been.
But that doesn’t say who he was now.
And if Dogma was honest with himself, he still didn't know who he was. Not yet.
He sighed, this company, Tup and Hardcase… they only knew him as Dogma. Didn’t expect him to be anything else, tried to help him relax more. Treated him almost the same after this, but they didn’t have anything to compare it to. They were close to him, the only ones he could say he was as close to as he remembered being. He… he didn’t want to give that up. He didn’t want to give up on Tup.
He would see them again, he knew he would, but he couldn't leave this company, not yet. He would figure out who Dogma was, how Vi fit into it all. He would figure it out, slowly.
“Thank you, Captain,” Dogma said, smiling at his batchmates before turning back to him, “But I think I’m good here.”
He saw something drop in both their shoulders as they nodded. (Dogma wondered if they were happy he stayed.) Rex patted his shoulder as he murmured, “Go say goodbye then, they’ll leave in a few minutes.”
Dogma gave a nod and turned to rush over to them.
Rash jumped over to him and hugged him tight and spun him. Dogma yelped at the action and when Rash set him down he took a moment to steady himself. Shin joined in after, wrapping his arms around his back as he crossed his arms around Dogma’s chest. Nuzzling Dogma’s head from the back. He let go as Clit gave him a side hug and brought their foreheads together.
“Keep out of trouble, will you?” Clit asked, chuckling.
Dogma huffed as he side-eyed Rash, “I’m not the one you should worry about.”
“I worry about you all equally,” Clit assured.
“That’s a lie,” Shin pointed out as his eyes glistened, “Rash gives you at least two gray hairs a day.”
“Hey!” Rash muttered, “I say three on a good day!”
Clit rubbed his head, “There's no amount of caf worth dealing with you.”
“But you love me,” Rash pointed out with a wink.
“Only if I have to,” Shin jabbed.
Dogma grinned, watching them. He’d miss them.
A call went up, and the brothers collectively started getting back into the ships, ready to be transported out once again. They looked up and the mood was lowered, but still hopefully.
“Guess we’ll see you around,” Rash stated with a side grin.
“See you Dogma!” Shin shouted, tagging behind Rash as they jumped onto their fighter.
Clit sighed at them before turning to Dogma, “Do you know where you’re going next?”
Dogma hummed, “Umbra, I’m told.”
“Then good luck,” Clit stated, “When you get back, we’ll have a drink.”
He patted Dogma’s shoulder before lining up with his brothers. Dogma watched as the doors closed and the ships flew away. He took a deep breath, before turning. Seeing Tup and Hardcase waiting for him. In the distance Five, Jesse and Rex watched as Dogma walked back.
He knew who he was, now it was time to see who he’d become.