Chapter Text
Killua fiddled with a pen, writing and scratching, writing and scratching.
Zoldyck Child Protection Agency
Bad Family Hunting
Child Kidnapping for Hire
Child Rescuing Central
Killua sighed. He was getting nowhere like this.
What did one even call a pro-bono service about rescuing abused, neglected, unhappy, or otherwise non-thriving children from powerful, untouchable parents?
Fuck all, apparently.
Child Protection Services 2.0
Killua was going to throw his pen in the lake.
Zoldyck Consulting
Killua was going to throw himself in the lake, that one sounded like he did websites for people!
He got up, stretching. The sun was going down anyways, he wouldn't be able to brainstorm this for much longer.
Maybe a walk through the woods would help some.
He'd need to have a website, at the very least. Physical location wasn't that important, so he could just be wherever Gon was. He should probably also get a phone number out there. Maybe a falcon service?
Gah. Killua scratched his head as he made his way deeper into the forest. This was complicated. Maybe he should just call Leorio and/or Kurapika and ask them for help. Leorio would probably know something, as he wanted to have his own clinic someday, and Kurapika just… knew this sort of stuff.
"A name… an email… a phone number…" Killua mused out loud, tapping his chin.
"That won't be enough." The voice came suddenly from just behind Killua, somewhere between bored and annoyed.
Killua turned around, lightning coating his body. He'd never met the man standing in front of him, resting displencently against a tree, but he could recognize him instantly.
" Ging ?!"
"Oh, so you know who I am, that makes this easier," Gon's father replied, scratching inside his ear.
"Wait, what are you— Why are you—?" Killua wondered if he should run back to get Gon or just punch the man in the face already and get that done with.
"I'm here because of you, actually," Ging replied, looking Killua straight in the eye.
Killua was suddenly reminded of the fact he'd just started a relationship with his son.
"O-Oh," Killua took a step back, letting his lightning form fall away. "Listen, you don't get to abandon Gon for thirteen years and then immediately butt in just because he's decided to date someone."
"Huh?" Ging raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms. "Kid, I don't give a shit who Gon's taken a liking to. I'm not here to give you some shovel talk, I'm here because Kite told me you plan to start some kid saving business, and that's a terrible idea."
Killua didn't know whether to be relieved or offended.
"What do you mean it's a terrible idea?!" Right, he'd said something similar before, hadn't he? About how Killua's plans weren't enough.
"I mean that you're not ready for something like that." Ging looked at him, eyes steady, and Killua understood for the first time what it meant that Gon's father was one of the strongest Hunters in the world. "You've had one good showing and you think you're ready to save all children everywhere? You got lucky. "
"Wha—"
"You don't know what some parents do to their children," Ging said, before pausing. "Well, you do. But not all children end up as wonderfully well adjusted as you managed to become."
Killua couldn't believe he was hearing Ging fucking Freecs talk about parenting.
"Children become unable to share their pain. Unable to even realize they're feeling it. They become so desensitized to it, it becomes just part of their life."
Killua himself was a good example of that, now that Ging mentioned it.
"Or they fall into the opposite side. They become so scared of everything, the thought of anything possibly changing doesn't even cross their minds, because that life is all they've ever known." Ging exhaled. "They won't ever tell you anything, because they can't even conceive of an ally."
Killua remained silent.
"There are children that might not have learnt speech. Children who might be physically unable to speak. Children who might be locked inside their own heads, or who might have even lost their entire sense of self," Ging continued. "Hell, and that's all the normal stuff. Get people with Nen on the mix, and there's no end to the possibilities of what could be happening to those kids."
Killua instinctively raised a hand to his forehead, lightly touching the faint scar on his hairline.
"Do you understand? You're not prepared. For any of this."
"That's no reason not to try," Killua said quietly.
"Until a kid ends up worse off because of your messing around."
Killua couldn't believe what he was hearing. Gon's dad had always avoided him like the world would end, and now he'd decided to pop by in a random forest just to tell him his dreams were bad.
"Did you really just travel from wherever the fuck you'd been to tell me to give up on this?!" Killua bit the inside of his cheek. "I'd finally…!"
"I'm not telling you to give up," Ging stated.
Killua blinked at him.
"Listen," Ging sighed, scratching his head. "Everything I'm telling you, Kite had already thought of. But… Kite had also spent an entire Summer watching you flounder around like a directionless foal, so he didn't want to just tell you to give up. So he sent me an email, and he was lucky enough I happened to look at it, and lucky enough that I happened to care. "
"Why do you, anyways?"
Ging looked away, face somewhere between a frown and a pout. He really did look like Gon like this.
"Well, you are my son's paramour," he muttered. "He'd be sad if your dreams were shattered."
Killua didn't know whether the worst part was realizing that Ging actually cared about Gon, in some weird, aloof way, or that he'd just called him his son's paramour.
"So, you're not telling me to give up," Killua sighed. "What are you telling me to do then?"
"Go to school," Ging stated matter of factly. Killua stared. "Learn about child psychology, and abuse, and neglect, get a degree, get a PhD, become someone who can actually help. "
"You're telling me to go to university," Killua stated in return. "You do know I'm fifteen as of recently?"
"I know a professor at York New University." Of course he did. "World specialist in his field. I gave him a call, and he'd accept you as his student and work out all the bureaucracy. Well, not that a Hunter's license doesn't deal with most of it."
Killua felt like his head was spinning.
Thing was… Ging might be right. Although none of them had escaped without some mental issues, taking into account everything, both Killua and all his siblings were surprisingly well adjusted.
Other children, children whose parents didn't care as much for their survival or happiness, wouldn't be. And the truth was… Killua might not know how to deal with that.
He had the skill sets of an assassin. Of a Hunter. Of an older brother.
Would that be enough to save a child who'd lived through hell every single day?
Maybe not. And that maybe wasn't something Killua was willing to bet anyone's life on.
"Your plan isn't bad," Ging said, looking evenly at Killua. "It's just missing some pieces. You are correct in thinking that you are one of the few people who might be able to help those kids, hell, maybe even the only one. You'll be able to relate with them in ways that no one else might. Between that, your powers, and your extreme disregard for authority, you're a one man child rescuing team. But you're missing the part where you'll be able to heal them, and not just remove them from a bad situation."
Killua wanted to scream. Why this?! Why now?!
"York New, you said?" A giant metropolis was exactly the opposite of the sort of places you'd ever find Kite's team working.
"My friend is the world's leading authority in child psychology, abuse, and trauma. Besides," Ging shrugged. "I'm sure he knows a million cases that he's never been able to help because their parents own half the world."
"And this has nothing to do with the fact that me taking that scholarship would send me away from Gon?"
"Will it?" Ging questioned him. "Gon's a big boy. He can make his own decisions."
Well, those didn't tend to be good decisions, but Killua wasn't about to tell him that.
"I'm not dragging Gon away from his dreams for my own sake."
"Sure, kid," Ging replied displencently, stretching. "The scholarship starts in September. Show up at professor Kidd's office like two weeks before if you wanna join. If you don't just… don't, I guess."
Killua remained silent at this, as Ging started to walk away, in the opposite direction from the campsite.
"You're not even going to say hi to Gon?" Killua asked, turning to him.
"How do you know I didn't before coming here?" Ging asked him in return, still walking away.
"Just a hunch."
"Huh," Ging said, and Killua felt like he was smiling, although facing away. "Well, you'd be right."
And before Killua could reply, he'd jumped off and disappeared into the distance, faster than Killua could track.
"Asshole," he muttered anyway.
So. This was a development.
Killua sat down with his back against a tree.
Now what?
If he left Gon to pursue his dreams, then it'd feel like a punch in the stomach to have even managed to evolve their relationship. Just a cruel joke on the part of the universe.
But if he stayed with Gon… Ging had been right, now that he thought about it, truly thought about it, without naivety clouding his ideas quite as much, Killua wasn't nearly prepared enough for the undertaking he'd decided upon.
So… Gon… or his dreams.
Why did it always come to this choice?
Killua punched the grass, and… stopped.
Once again, the flowers that populated this forest were showing him the silver of indecision.
Well, no more.
It wasn't every day that scholarships like this fell on people's laps, Leorio had made sure to tell him that much frequently and tirelessly. He didn't even have to call to know what those two would say.
This was an opportunity.
And Gon was… well, Gon was everything, wasn't he? And hadn't that always been the problem, in the end?
Killua swallowed dryly.
The flowers next to him turned the red of decisiveness.
Killua glanced at Gon, sitting next to him, overlooking the lake. The warm breeze of early August didn't at all promise the Autumn he knew was fast approaching.
"So," Killua started, unsure of how else to say it. "Your dad was here."
"Ging was?!" Gon asked loudly, turning to Killua.
"Yeah, it seems Kite managed to get a hold of him somehow…"
"That's nice…" Gon said, perhaps a bit sadly. "I hope he's doing good."
"Actually, uh… he came here to see me." Killua rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "About, y'know, my whole idea? To save kids from like, their powerful, bad families?"
"Killua Kollects, yeah."
"That is definitely not the name."
"Godspeed removal."
"No! Wait that one’s kinda good," Killua paused for a moment, thinking it over. "Wait, no! That's not the point! The point is, your dad thought it was a bad idea!"
Gon's face darkened for a moment.
"And? Who cares what he thinks? I think it's a great idea, Killua."
"Yeah but…" Killua looked down at the water, bit his lip. "I think he's right."
"What?"
"It's… not that he said it was a bad idea… he said I wasn't prepared for it, as I am. To deal with children from those situations properly. And he's right, you know?"
"Killua…"
"But, it's not all bad news," Killua continued, sure that if he stopped he might not be able to get it out. "He contacted a professor he knows in York New University, a specialist in like, child psychology and trauma and shit like that."
"Yeah?"
"And well, he got me a spot in YNU for next year… if I want it."
"Well!" Gon said happily, as though that resolved everything, "Then that's that!"
"Gon," Killua blinked. "York New is half a continent away."
"It is," Gon nodded.
"And you never know where Kite's research will go next, but I'd bet a lot of money it's not York New."
"Probably not," Gon shrugged.
"Then!" Killua couldn't believe how thick-headed Gon could be sometimes. "If I go to York New, we… we wouldn't be together!"
"Would that be a problem?" Gon stared at Killua, wide, honest brown eyes meeting his own. "We've already been separated before, and we always found our way back to each other."
"Yes, but now…" Killua couldn't help the blush that rose to his cheeks. "Now it's different."
"Because we're boyfriends?" Gon asked.
Killua nodded in response.
"It doesn't change anything for me," Gon continued assuredly. "I still want to be with you just as much as when we were friends, which is always. Now I just get to kiss you, too."
Not that they had yet.
It was good to know Gon was alright with it but… living without him again? Killua wasn't sure he wanted to go through that, and without his sister even.
Maybe Kurapika would let him crash at his place.
"Besides," Gon said naturally, as though a foregone conclusion, "you don't need to worry about that. I'll go with you to York New."
"... What?" Killua had to have heard that wrong.
"I'm going with you," Gon reiterated. "To York New. Not to the University, of course, but—"
"Wait wait wait wait wait! " Killua shouted, jumping to his feet. "But your dream?! Seeing the world with Kite? Saving all these habitats? Researching weird plants and animals?!"
"Sure, those things are fun!" Gon replied, getting up as well. "But they're not my dream ! Honestly, for a long time after meeting up with my dad, I didn't find a new dream."
"You… didn't? But I thought… Kite…"
"Kite is really cool, and I like being with him a lot," Gon shrugged. He moved forward, grabbing one of Killua's hands. "But y'know, I thought long and hard about it, for a very long time. When I was with Kite, and when I was back home on Whale Island, and especially when I was with you again. I thought of it, again and again, and there was only one possible answer."
He smiled, and to Killua, it looked like the most beautiful sight in the world. Dirt smushed on the bridge of his nose, a stray leaf lost in his hair, a tooth that was permanently chipped after some fight or another. Gon was beautiful to him, no matter what.
"You're my new dream, Killua," he confessed, smiling bashfully. "That's the answer I came to."
An immense surge of affection flowed through Killua, an intense, unwavering feeling of love and joy and fulfillment. He squeezed Gon’s hand in his, pulling him closer, pushing himself closer to Gon.
Forgetting all his bashfulness, leaving behind all his embarrassment and completely dropping his hesitation.
He lightly touched his forehead against Gon’s, closing his eyes.
“Last time one of us tried to live for the other, it ended badly,” Killua whispered.
“I know,” Gon replied. “But it’ll be different this time.”
“And you know that because…?” Killua let the question dangle in the air between them.
“Because I love you,” Gon said, “and because you love me.”
“That wasn’t enough, last time.” Killua still remembered it quite well. He was certain Gon did, too.
“No,” Gon agreed. “But this time, I think we love ourselves a little bit more, too.”
“I see,” Killua whispered.
And, as natural as breathing, Killua crossed the infinitesimal distance between them, kissing Gon.
The world didn’t explode in sound and colour. The same cool breeze blew through his hair, the same grasshoppers sang their summery song, and the same scent of flowers flowed through the air.
But Gon’s lips felt nice and soft beneath his, and Gon’s hand felt warm in his, and Gon’s aura felt at home with his.
And in Killua’s honest opinion, all of that was absolutely enough.
Gon looked around the small room, arms crossed. The window was blown open, letting in fallen Autumn leaves from the tree right in front of their apartment building. The wallpaper was peeling off the old brick walls, and he was pretty sure Killua was just going to rip it all off soon enough. The decoration was… sparse, to say the least. They’d bought a mattress! That was the important part, right?
Besides, Gon could imagine it getting full of stuff soon enough. Their furniture, and gifts from friends, and random crap they’d pick up along the way.
It wasn’t a very nice room, thinking about it objectively. The heating was basically non-existent, the pipes didn’t seem too reliable in terms of hot water, and the whole place was more or less falling apart. Still, not much offer when you tried to get a place a week before the semester started.
Besides, Gon adored the apartment. It was across from a pizza place that always smelled super nice, really close to both their campuses, and it was probably haunted or something.
And… most importantly, it was theirs .
Gon’s room. Killua’s room.
He glanced at the windowsill, where a single solitary planter was placed, a cluster of small flowers growing in it. Gon approached it, resting his arms on the cracked wood.
The flowers turned a bright, unbelievably vibrant yellow. He smiled privately.
“Gon!” The voice came from below him.
Gon looked down, crossing eyes with Killua. One foot on his (brand-new, apparently, since he definitely didn’t have it when he’d left) skateboard, one on the street, waving up at him.
“Let’s go get lunch!” he yelled. “My first class went okay! Your first class is this afternoon, right?”
Once again, Gon smiled. Just as Killua had gotten into Developmental Psychology, Kite had come through for Gon and gotten him into an Environmental Biology program. Something about making good use of his time in the city.
So here he was. In York New, with Killua, ready to start a new adventure. And looking at Killua, happy and almost vibrating with electrical excitement, there was nothing else that he could wish for.
“Going!” Gon shouted, jumping up on the windowsill.
“Wait, you idiot—!”
As he jumped down, hugging Killua as he landed, he happened to glance upwards.
Their flowers shone pink.